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ain-t-bovvered · 5 years

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14x10 Commentary

Zeta and Giuls scream together, and then die.

Me & Zeta will watch together season 14′s episodes as they come out and we’ll do our commentary while watching.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

14x10 Nihilism

-I did not want to see Jack like that again thanks

Zeta: true

- And there was a need for some wings there honestly .

[ comes back crawling]

HERE

Zeta: the bar sceeeene

-.....THAT’S A DAMN SQUIRREL WITH A AVIATOR CAP ON ( also I re wrote squirrel four times before getting it right)

- MOOSE!!!

-......The Moose has a tag with “FAMILY BUSINESS” written on it----lol Jensen

Zeta: What’s her name

- PAMELAAAAAAAA . Damn woman I went a bit Bi there

Zeta: OH YES.

- [Music: and I’m searching for a rainbow] .....WOW

-[on the counter] Daphne loves Fred.

my monkey dirty brain: Daddy loves tips.

-hot. want that.

Zeta: the tequila or the bartender?

Bitch please . both.

- D: “ What are we, savages?”

Zeta: Oh the lips

-Cosmic Cowboy. *chokes*

-FB

-why is it always a ghoul case?

-Lol but who’s the drunk guy tho

Zeta: Bitch, look at her biceps

- some Bi slippage there too I see. FOCUS

Zeta: also indeed. Who is he?

-D:”I’ve never had anything this nice”

Also....I would be like Dean if I had a bar. One for the costumer and one for me! woohoo .

- D: “How come you always have a boyfriend?”

P: “How come you always want what you can’t have?”

[looks into the camera like in the office]

- D: “This is my dream”

I kinda see it tho....old grumpy Dean Winchester being the Bobby while running a bar like that. Yes....I like it.

- I knew it . I wanna see someone closed behind that “closet” *wink wink*

Zeta: Oh oh

Zeta: the slo mo.

-NICE .You are welcome for this gif where I let you enjoy the full over the count jump. Nice healthy middle age man over the fence jump ( nevermind this is an italian oil ad ).

-The blood. So cute

Zeta: I’m famous

- mmm

Zeta: shit

-Hello M boi, I missed you fam

Zeta: Changed clothes

- OMFG are you saying that the Archangel Michael macVanity von DramaQueen really just angel mojo changed into his Peaky Blinder wanna be in front of them?

He’s so flamboyant , I love him .

Zeta: The close up

- M making three men kneel with so much as lift his hands. WHAT A MOOD. WHERE CAN I GET THAT? I WANT 10.

- M : “ I saw everything” Yeah no shit we kinda see that coming too

-DoN ‘T IntERrUPt mE

Zeta: Don’t interrupt me

-I’m-

I’m so bothered right now. Dom Michael for the win

-OH WOW

- Sam just “assbutted” Michael lol.

Castiel : Sam....did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?

Sam: uh ....No?

- HE ANGRY

- Dean’s not home right now...

Zeta: Please leave a message

*giggling* I love him

Zeta: His voice GOD DAMN

-yes

- Castiel hair tho.

Zeta: Do you? Cocky much

-but needs to play it cool. Can’t risk to mess up the pomaded hair.

- S:” We the angel cuffs on , Michael is under control”

M: “Keep telling yourself that “ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I *clap* LOVE *clap* HIM *clap*

- S: “Dump him in the trunk of the Impala” ... DUMP HIM .ahahahahaah

-Garth is in the trunk

Zeta: it’s a big trunk

-M: “ It’s a party!”

- J: “ It’s not like any of us can fly”

M : “ Well one of us can”

S: “ STFU”

- J:” Sam, are we gonna die here?” ... wow Jack...babe...stfu

-Yes OMG I forgot about the stalky reaper

Zeta: You mess up so many things

- it ain’t wrong

- [in john Mulaney’s Trump voice] we locked Death away and enslaved the reapers

Zeta: Poor Cas

- ok but WHO....death? Michael is asking himself that too.

-Yes , put him in the dungeon. HOT

Zeta: shit

-I can hear you

Zeta: Shit

-Ahahahahahaahah

Zeta: SHIT

-I’m loving this

Zeta: Bring back Crowley.

Zeta: We left Garth in the trunk looool

- that....everytime we don’t see a character for long that’s it...they are in the trunk.

Zeta: Castiel

-CASTIEL . so strange, I love him, he’s such a sarcastic asshole.

- M: “Yes, uh, put a chair against the door”

Zeta: This pretty smile as I rip you apart

-I’M SHAKING. YAS.

Zeta: Control yourself

- S: “Cass this is all we’ve got”

Zeta: Again?

- well it is a loop.

-MORE SHOTS. (me)

Zeta: The only thing missing is “heat of the moment”

- what if the woman is his conscience trying to get him out and if he sign he’s out? ...like....testing his resolution?

-Little insulting

Zeta: you’re nothing

Zeta: Why is he so perfect in this?

- J: “Dean---is strong”

M *disgusted face*: “ Is a gnat “ . WOW

-OH SHUT UP OOOOH

Zeta: Emotional abuse.

- M: “ he was not happy, but he didn’t care-- Cause you are not Sam, you are not Cass.”

[ me looking smiling to the Castiel/Misha hateclub]

-M: “You are a weak helpless thing”

- Jack , babe ....get away tho

Zeta: LISTEN TO YOUR DAD

- M: “no I’m not and I can still hear you”

Zeta: Prick

- Love that prick..... literally

- I care so little for the others I swear

- M: “Look at you, play nursemaind for a nephilim”

-C: “You are confusing loyalty and compassion for weakness”

Zeta: Damn what am I watching?

- [looks into the camera like in the office] Sexual tension

Zeta: so done. this. Close up

- M “and now...that I’m in here, I know why”

-CHUCK

Zeta: He churn our draft after draft

- M speaks like he’s singing and mocking you at the same time. He has this musicality in his speak and I love it

- C: “Why would he do that?”

M: “BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE!”

- good lord I swear all the angels are just brats throwing temper tantrum because they have a trash dad.

- M: “But now , I just want to burn every one of his little worlds until I catch up to the Old man”

Zeta: Even god can die.

- oh ok....overachiever much

Zeta: Hurt Jack

- No no Jack babe...keep your fucking soul .

Zeta: Cool science project

- Michael’s mind: if you mess up my perfectly combed hair Cass I swear-

- M: “ I give it a solid B- .....uh oooh”

me nervously: .....wtf lol

- M: *snorts* Oh Cass, I believe in you.

So rude...so nasty

- j: “ What should I do?”

Zeta: Pray

-Thanks Cas, that’s-......that’s great

Zeta: You are all mine

- ..... YESSIR TAKE ME

Zeta: Dean’s mind.

- ..... if it was a funny episode they could have made so many jokes about being empty lol.

- me looking around haters mind ^

Zeta: This is what you are gonna become

-omg

- THAT WAS DEAN IN HELL.

- Dean’ “NOOOO “ at Castiel death is vibrating into my bones.

- S: “Dean is strong”

- C: “Sam, we’ve been through a lot and Dean is more than strong”

- S: “Dean thrive on trauma.”

WE’VE BEEN KNEW

Zeta: Smart moose

- Somebody has been reading some meta tumblr posts

- P: “You really know how to talk to a lady don’t you?”

me already at Castiel’s feet : wha

- That’s us fans watching 14 seasons of supernatural ^

-Bloody Cass is 100. *licks lips*

- P: “get me a shot. With your braaaain”

Zeta: Well hello.

- C:” That was- that....DeAN ThAt WaS An ACcidENT”

Zeta: Babyyyy

- them baby faces

- C:” WE NEED YOU TO COME BACK”

- S:”POUGHKEEPSIE”

- Dean’s mind : [ old modem sounds]

-M [Slow clap it out.] : Hey Fellas

-AND THE HAT IS BACK

Zeta: I’m you

Zeta: He gripped you tight and raised you from perdition

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’M DYING SO BAD.

-BITCH I’M DEAD AND GIGGLING I CAN’T.

-but also....but the fuck is Mary at?... like wow.

- also....everything that Micheal is saying right now is causing me actual fucking pain.

- Ok and both Sam and Cas faces? well thanks

Zeta: He’s buying time

-WOW. Slow smile, oooooH

-S: “So in here, you are all talk”

- oh that’s why he doesn’t use his powers. Serviceable .

Zeta: So happy. Fuck

Zeta: Prove it

- Um...yes hello 911?

Michael getting his hands dirty is too hot for me.

-Fucking Tiger man.

-Come on baby

Zeta: Jack will do something “stupid”

- Well he is his parents’ son *shrug*

Zeta: that

- D:” Then we don’t kick him out, we keep him in”

-oooooh M goes in the closet, lol

Zeta: Oh my god.

- ....Well that was stupid AHAHAHAAH

- I can’t stop laughing .

- M [ROAR]

me: ....

Zeta: I’m the cage.

-HE IS THE CAGE. That doesn’t seem right tho...come on.

Zeta: So now Dean has Michael locked up

-ooooh the magic hurt him. Forgot about that. My baby.

Zeta: Concerned Dad.

- The way Cass say : “you understand?” killed me....so soft...so worried...

- The little smile! Kill me now.

Zeta: He’s not ok.

-Dean is not ok.

Zeta: [henley alert]

-He’s like....naked. ( still has another tshirt under it tho)

-Oh he’s mad

- I’M CRYING . HE LOOKS LIKE MY CAT WHEN I REFUSE TO LET HIM OUT .

amazing.

( Sorry for the not that clear gifs but I wanted to cut and past all the bits of that because it’s amazing)

Zeta: He’s suffering so much.

-That troat

- That door is not that sturdy tho

Zeta: Oh hell no

- oh hello death .

-Aw hell naw.

- Death :” Except one”

-AW HELL NAW

Zeta: Which one?

- UGH

Zeta: No

-NO

Zeta: NOOO so much hurt

-OH FUCK

Zeta: Actual literal pain in my chest

YA KNOW WHAT?....I DON’T LIKE THAT LOOK .

NOT ONE BIT.

- lol I don’t even wanna look at tumblr now

Zeta: well you know me....I have

- of course you did

post gifs comment: I didn’t do my crack gifs for now, but they will be done in a separate post.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc

#spn episode commentary #commentary #nihilism #14x10 #spn 14x10 #supernatural 14x10 #14x10 commentary #spn gifs

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heroineimages · 5 years

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Shieldmaidens!

So the discovery of this young shieldmaiden-in-training a while back remains one of the happiest things I’ve found in Lord of the Rings Online. The fact that the developers went out of their way to add shieldmaiden NPCs to the Riders of Rohan expansions frankly still means a lot to me, and keeps me coming back to the game. My Champion, Greensleaves is my only character high enough level to adventure in Rohan, scoping out potential girlfriend material. Here’re screencaps of some of the cool shield-ladies she’s met throughout Rohan and the Wold. (For @lesbiansforboromir and anyone else interested in my lotro tag.)

‘Oh, yeah, that was my sister’s family you met. My niece is training to follow in my footsteps as a shieldmaiden of the Mark. She’s all fired up to slay goblins and Easterlings and defend the shores of the Great River from invaders.’ *laughs* ‘Between that and getting caught kissing the Thain of Harwick’s daughter, my sister says I’m a terrible influence on her.’ ‘It’s terrible that she’s kissing girls?’ ‘No, that she keeps getting caught!’ *winks*

‘... and the warg was so big that my spear went all the way down its throat, and I had to let go to keep from having my arm swallowed too!’ ‘Nuh-uh!’ ‘That’s not true!’ ‘Stranger, do you think it’s true that there’s wargs big enough to swallow a whole spear?’ ‘You bet there are!’ *Geensleaves pulls out an eight-inch-long dragon’s fang and winks at the shieldmaiden* ‘See, I took this one off a warg up high in the Misty Mountains!’ ’Whoa!’ ‘That’s an impressive trophy indeed, stranger. If you need a place to stay tonight, I’d love to hear more about your travels.’

'Oh, for Eorl’s sake, don’t cut your food with that knife, Champion! You’ve been skinning rabbits with it! Here, use this blade.’ ‘... ... ... But you’ve been skinning orcs with it...’

'Nice shop.’ ‘Thanks! It took loot from seven border-skirmishes to buy it. My husband is still sore that my military career paid for more of it than his did.’

‘Buy you a drink, northerner? Pull up a bench and tell me where you’re from.’ ‘Thanks. I’m from Bree-Land.’ ‘Where’s that?’ ‘You know where Rivendel is?’ ‘Kinda? It’s some elf place, right?’ ‘This might take a while.’ ‘You got somewhere else to be?’ ‘No, not really.’

'Dance with us, northerner?’ ‘Yeah, our uncle plays an excellent Eagles cover!’ ‘He know any Dylan?’ *Uncle starts playing ‘Lay Lady Lay’*

‘Pardon me, could you help me with my drunk cousin? He’s been in his cups a bit too long.’ ‘Sure, let me set my kit down.’ ‘You certainly travel well-armed, stranger.’ ‘Occupational hazard.’ ‘Dare I ask what your occupation is?’ ‘Champion of Men. Lover of women. Slayer of orcs.’ ‘I’m curious to learn how you came about those titles. Help me get this idiot to bed, and we can discuss them further?’

‘Thanks for last night.’ ‘I should be thanking you.’ ‘Are all women from Bree like you?’ ‘Not enough of them. I think I like it here better.’ ‘I’m certainly glad to have you.’

“So this is Greensleaves. She’s that northern woman I told you about who travels with that elf and that Horn guy and that Dunlanding woman, Nona.’ ‘Hi.’ ‘Lovely to meet you!’ ‘Well, hello there!’ ‘That Nona woman sure seems interesting. I love her warpaint. Is it true that she’s into that Horn guy?’ ‘Yeah, though I don’t know what she sees in him.’ ‘Seriously, a Rohirrim pretty-boy and a Dunlander woman? Sounds like the plot to a really bad enemies-to-lovers romance novel.’ ‘But with less romantic build-up, trust me.’

‘... I said I was sorry...’ ‘Still not talking to you.’ ‘Look, I only won by one goblin head. I swear I wasn’t trying to one-up you.’ ‘You stole my kill! It was supposed to be a fun, dungeon-crawling date, and you stole my kill!’ ‘I didn’t mean to...’

‘Ugh. It’s just a date, Dad. I can handle myself. It’s not like we’re gonna journey down the Paths of the Dead with a bunch of rangers and capture a mercenary fleet with an army of wraiths and then use that fleet to break the lines of Mordor in a battle for the ages out on the Fields of Pelennor.’ ‘Yeah, that sounds more like third date material to me.’ ‘Dammit, Greensleaves, you’re not helping!’

‘Nice punch, girl! Knocked him right on his ass!’ ‘He grabbed my ass, so I knocked him on his. This way he’ll learn by association.’ ‘Nice, I like your style, girl! I’m Greensleaves, by the way.’

‘Dear Diary: today I met a smart, fierce, charming, well-armored, golden-haired shieldmaiden with piercing eyes and plenty of swagger. She reminds me a great deal of the many other smart, fierce, charming, well-armored, golden-haired shieldmaidens I’ve met while traveling across the Mark. I do not believe I will ever grow tired of this place...’

Well, that was fun! (And a lot longer than I intended.) Thanks for reading, folks!

#Lord of the Rings #Lord of the Rings Online #LOTRO #shieldmaidens #Riders of Rohan #lady soldiers #lady warriors #cavalrywomen #medium armor #cavalry armor #chainmail #longswords #round shields #screencaps

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iprefermyanarchycolorcoded · 7 years

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I wrote a short story

The buzz of the city was overpowering, being from the slums originally Adam had a hard time dealing with the noise of the business district outside of the rare occasion he would run a deal for Papa. It suited him all the more, people in the slums didn't have time for as much prejudice as common folk did. And having purple skin, black eyes, and two horns bigger than those on the goats head of a Chimera opened him up for plenty of slurs and attacks from the “Pure-breeds.”

However being here was a necessity albeit an extremely taxing one. If he was going to take on an entire Necropolis he needed first a Cleric that could be bought, and second as much holy water and godly paraphernalia (shiver at the thought) as he could get his hands on. And Vigil was exactly the place to find those, well hopefully.

“A few cold Iron golems wouldn't hurt on second thought.” He muttered to himself as he walked past the plethora of temples and shrines.

“Pharasma won't work. They'll have their hands on their symbols screaming holy obscenities before I can even get the word mummy out, can't do Caiden Cailen I would need 3 barrel's of Ale a day just to keep their short attention spans focused. Perhaps Iomadae?” Then he looked at himself and giggled a little “I'd wake up with my intestines as garters.”

Ugh he thought to himself Why does it have to be undead?! Why cant it just be goblins or even trolls although smelly trolls are rather easy once you show them you can fly on a cloud of fire. And Goblins may be stupid but they're not feral; shrink down so you don't look like a “Longshank” and throw em some meat, you'd have more than enough time to sneak out with whatever you needed. My life couldn't be that easy though could it. Literally the one thing my spells are virtually useless against.

That's it! He thought I go to Irori challenge a cleric he loses in a caster's duel, as he almost objectively could not succeed and then I only have to pay him enough to cover basic wages. He worked his way to the market place and began to sift through his grimoire and choosing which spells to use to humiliate whatever poor “pure-breed” accepted his proposal.

Sitting down near the fountain he tried to focus but kept having his focus broken by the guards yammering In the nearby alley way.

“I'm not lying there are demons crawling all over the piss pen!”

“There is no way demons got into the city without raising some form of alarm or panic that's ridiculous.”

“Look I wouldn't piss on a rock and call it rain, i'm telling you I saw something trash that house and it wasn't human.”

It was then they seemed to notice Adam listening in on their stage whisper conversation.

“What are you looking at black-blood, take your demon eyes elsewhere or ill shove you in the dungeon.”

Adam really did try not to laugh, but sometimes arrogance has it's detriments. “Boys I hate to break it to you but I could erase you from existence before tea time and have your families believing you never existed before dinner.” He stood up and clapped his book shut somehow managing to make even that sound snooty.

He started to walk towards them muttering a few words they surely couldn't understand under his breathe. They began to draw their swords but as they did they herd a firm and distinctly feline voice aggressively meow in their direction. They turned and saw nothing completely missing the small scraggly ball of fur purring below their noses. They turned back just in time to see the fiend step into the air and disappear entirely.

“Damn wizards and their cosmic bullshit.” Egrin mumbled.

“You're just mad because Ellis ran away with that witch doctor.” Rinald chuckled immediately regretting as his face became the new perching spot for Egrins fist.

“Not cool man. You said you wouldn't bring it up anymore.”

Adam chuckled from a nearby rooftop honestly applauding their ability to enjoy simpleton life. If only the gods had blessed with stupidity. He let out a heavy sigh and began to run toward the piss pen, it was notorious for its smell because that particular part of the slums didn't have a water duct system for their waste like the rest of the city forcing them to defecate in select areas of the city. Although most of them were far too hopped up on Bloodbrush to pay attention and mostly just went wherever they had fallen.

The guards didn't go there much because of the smell leaving the area at the mercy whatever thug was the current “Owner” of the territory.

Detestable but unavoidable. Maybe its a good thing I was smart enough to get out. Not the time Adam, if demons are really running through the piss pen it wouldn't take long before people started dying or depending on the circumstance more were lured out into our plane.

Adam smelled his target long before he reached it. He pushed down the desire to turn around and forget all about this nonsense. It was practically a charity for him to look into this at all.

As soon as he hit the small cluster of huts that made up the neighborhood he could see most of the destruction, all of it was peculiarly... small. Not localized to one place but very small. One of the few times perplexed could be used to describe him. Unfortunately for him this was inopportune time to become lost in thought he didn't realize this however until a small crossbow bolt lodged itself firmly into his right shoulder.

“What in the 7 Pantheon is your problem?” he screamed immediately followed by a few arcane words giving life to a eagle in mid air who promptly removed the burden of the crossbow from the citizen. “Get you demon magic out of here fiend!” The small man shouted.

“Oh hush you spoiled cabbage patch.” It was just a local who had been spooked so there was no need for further education, ignorance leads to violence. It wasn't entirely his fault but he did need answers so he proceeded to half his eagle sweep the halfling up and pop him onto the roof next to him before the spell broke.

Popping out a finely crafted wand of his own making Adam spoke the command word healing the crossbow wound and then popping a few charges of the wand into the petite but filthy man next to him. Once he seemed satisfied by the healing the halfling calmed down and stopped his rather amusing attempts at threats.

“I need a rundown of what happened but make it fast and keep to facts. No conjecture or superstition. It wastes time and my small reservoir of patience.”

Struggling to do as Adam asked but giving it a valiant effort Heither tried to recall exactly what he saw and the best he could do, sticking to facts only of course, was to explain that sometime that morning a small hut towards the center of the cluster had begun to smell. More so than usual so a few of the Copper Viper Crew went to take care of it and they claimed to have seen 4 small ape like creatures fly out of the hut spewing fetid clouds from their mouths and destroying everything in their path. Oh also they were about the size of the halfling. Allegedly he added, a light burn to the small creatures pride.

“Do we know who lives in the hut?” Adam interrogated.

“A kid named Kugak and his parents, but they're juiced up most of the time on Ale and Bloodbrush so they aren't usually home.”

“How old is young Kugak?”

“I think he just turned 12? but I cant be sure he usually sticks to himself swiping books and scrolls from stands and libraries to read. I spoke with him once and he mentioned something about becoming a powerful wizard someday.”

“Of course he did. Wheres the hut?”

Leading Adam to the hut Heither couldn't help but be fearful for the kid. Muttering a few arcane words as Adam entered he was followed in by a small pack of wolves that Heither was absolutely positive were not there on their way to the building.

Confirming Heithers suspicion Adam became to speak to the canines. “Sweep the place, find the smell and bring them back here, and you kid get out here that spell isn't going to fool anyone besides those damn Dretches.” As he finished his sentence the wolves seemed to find the scent and dashed out of the room a rod in Adam's hand illuminating.

Simultaneously the wall on the eastern side of the building shimmered and faded as a young boy with green skin and very pronounced Tusks stepped out looking ashamed. “This isn't what I wanted im so sorry!” He stuttered as he broke out into sobs.

“Stop! You made a mess and you need to focus on cleaning it up. Tears are decidedly less necessary when you realize they'll only get you killed.” He grabbed him by the chin and lifted his face up. “Mother or father?”

“What?” The boy asked confused.

“Which one was the orc?” Adam asked looking at his features?

“M-my dad, it was a raid or something mom doesn't talk about it she just kind of drinks a lot.”

“Yeah, that'll happen, anyway what did you do?”

“I don't know I was-” Adam immediately cut him off.

“That's a steaming pile of horse shit, you were smart enough to get 4 demons from the abyss onto this plane you can piece together an idea of what happened.”

“There was a scroll, that this guy gave me. I was trying to ask him about magic because he said he was a wizard and he said I could use it and get enough money to get out of the slums.”

“You believed him?!” Adam asked as he smacked him on the side of the head. “Repeat after me, We do not accept strange magical items from men we don't know.”

“We do not accept strange magical items from men we don't know.” He managed to get out despite his lip getting caught on his fang.

“Good not hold this wand.”

“Ok-”

“NO!” WOP, he smacked him again. “Did you learn nothing?”

“Oh i'm sorry.”

“Dear Lords Child, what is your name?”

At this point Heither spoke up “This is the boy I was telling you-”

“Silence he is an able bodied individual he can speak for himself.” Heither shrank back into the background obviously irritated.

“Uh im uhm Kugak sir.”

“Kugak what?” Adam asked looking at the boy down his spectacles.

“Just uh, Kugak sir.” He said ashamed.

“Seeing the demeanor shift Adam changed the topic, ok where is the binding circle?”

“The what?” Heither and Kugak asked Simultaneously?

“You used a summoning scroll without a binding circle, of course you did,” Adam began to mutter to himself while walking around the building grabbing some small things out of his bag, “then again you weren't ENTIERLY at fault,” shooting Kugak a glance,

“So what are we gonna do?” Heither asked wondering if the Tiefling was all bark or not.

Running through his options Adam looked at the boys again. Seeing a hilt on Heither's side he asked him “How good are you with that sword?”

“I'm the best halfling in my clergy?” He said tentatively.

“Well that's not the worst thing i've heard today, whats it made out of?”

“Cold Iron I believe.” He pulled the blade out and swung it a few times, letting it whistle as it cut the air. “I've never actually checked, because I haven't actually used it before....”

“Oh heavens.” Adam thought to himself, he just might become religious if the day continued on much longer.

“You, do you know how to use a wand?” Looking at Kugak.

“You point and you say the right word, basically right?” Kugak asked.

“Good job kid, take this” He handed it to Kugak. However The child stared back tentatively.

“You said I wasn't supp-” Adam groaned hearing this.

“That's correct, hello my name is Adam and now we're best friends so take this and do as I say.” This time Kugak apprehensively took the small piece of wood from him. “Now point at that bottle and say firmly but respectfully, SMAAZ!”

The wand sparked to life in his hand, three quick red bolts flew out destroying the bottle. Kugak excitedly began to jump up and down. “I did it! I did something right!”

Had Adam not heard the wolves in the distance he would have allowed to boy the small triumph but this needed to be done shortly before the guard arrived.

“Ok listen, the spell that is chasing the dretches toward us is about to fail when we head out there Heither you and Kugak need to focus your attacks on one at a time. Its the fastest way to dispose of them effectively without a binding circle we'll have to dispose of them the old fashion way. The bolts will not miss as long as you stay focused on a single target. I will keep the rest as busy as I can while you focus them. Are you ready you pint sized little churls?”

Heither spoke up, “I mean no not really.” he was calming the tremors in his hands. “I'm assuming there isn't much of a choice in the matter since a demon is telling me what to do.”

“Watch it hopper.” He narrowed his eyes, Heither’s response to the slur was to also narrow his.

Feeling his spell fade he walked out into the slums the two small ones trailing behind him. Remember what I said and you probably won’t die. They stood in a line watching as not 4 but 7 small beasts with hairless ape like bodies came crashing to a stop about 30 feet in front of them. They began to raise themselves off of the ground focusing onto Adam and his compatriots. Clouds of yellow fetid air seeping out of their snarls as their lips curled over their broken and discolored teeth. Adam thought for a moment that maybe he should send the others back inside, the beasts claws were far more intimidating than he remembered. The patchy hair at least would give the boys the notion that they were unarmored. Seeing the trepidation in them Adam began to speak.

“Lesson 1, Dretches are entirely immune to electricity and poison and resistant to most other forms of attacks like most demons from the abyss. Therefore Stab and my shoot pint sized princes” He then flipped his book open and thumbed through some pages and the dretches zeroed in on the three of him. “Aha, I knew it was in here, sruzmy vorv wzrilqdy, oudzm,” As he finished the words he looked up from the page and watched as his spell took form. Below the creatures Red tentacles began to lift from the ground and wrap themselves around the beasts catching many but not all. “You know its quite satisfying using a spell you made yourself, im going to stand here and appreciate my handy work while you two do, WHAT I TOLD YOU TOO!”

Adams raised voice caused the others to spring to life, the Halfling sped forth launching himself into the nearest freed beast opting for a whirlwind of small attacks and enough agility to avoid most of the feral swipes instead of a frontal “Stand your ground”-esque strategy. as Kugak shouted with maybe a little too much gusto “SMAAZ.” Watching with glee as the targets found their mark right as Heither sunk his blade into the beast causing it to go limp. Two more immediately replaced it but Adam felt as though they could handle them just fine, if not he could always patch them up after. Pulling his crossbow out of his belt he wove another spell and watched as two large, maybe a little too large, snakes wove into creation. He would definitely have to look into the spell later to make sure it was cast properly.

Hearing a cacophony of command words and cackling from the two beasts attacking Heither he was surprised to see the green halfing moving with astonishing grace. Avoiding almost every attack without a mistep. Almost like the thieves he had seen in Cheliax. He watched as two of his snakes began to squeeze the life out of some the beasts he had snagged with his initial spell and aimed Tanglevine, his exquisitely crafted crossbow, at one of the ones desperately fighting with the tentacle prison he was in. He zoned in and let loose an enchanted bolt, hearing the magic sizzle as it made impact was always so satisfying. Watching the creature phase into another plane was just as sweet. Reloading he noticed that the other two were still dealing with their share of the problem.

Wanting to be annoyed at the delay he decided to focus on his task and let another bolt loose sending another one presumably into one of the elemental planes. That would be ideal anyway. Regardless he didn't care as long as they were out of the Piss-Pen before the Guards could be bothered to come help the poor folk. Finishing the other two he was strangely satisfied to see that the boys had completed their objective.

Releasing his spell in time to see the guard headed that direction he shouted out, “Hey you two over here now.” Grabbing both their hands he quickly muttered a few words and they were immediately in another part of town. “So, that went much better than expected, I was fully anticipating at least one lost limb.”

“Where are we?” Heither said looking around aggressively.

“Somewhere in Vigil i'm just not sure where.”

“We're near all the bars, we're still pretty close to the piss pen.” Kugak said head down again.

“How do you know that?” Adam inquired.

“Thats the tavern my mom gets drunk in.” He said pointing to a small building with a sign that said The Cornfed Maiden.

“Classy.” Adam said under his breathe. “Come with me.” He took Kugak by the hand and walked toward the tavern.

“No wait I don’t want to go in there, she doesn't like to see me.” He said digging his feet into the ground.

“Hmm well,” Adam fished around in his bag for a moment. “This bag has 50 Gold pieces in it, you have two options. You take it in there and hand it to your mother and tell her that a Wizard of great power has agreed to train you but you will be leaving and most likely not returning for years if not ever and that gold is for the cost of purchasing her son. In which case I will see you at the town gate at sundown. Or you take this Gold and do whatever you want with it and I never see you again. The choice is yours and I hope you make a decision that you do not regret.” With that Adam turned around magically shifting his clothes into a hood and robes.

He got about fifty feet away before a small Heither runs up to him. “What was that? You can't just spring something like that on a kid and walk away like it's no big deal! You really are a demon.”

“You are incorrect on both accounts, first I am only partly demon, or rather tainted by demonic blood. Secondly,” and he stopped to look at the Halfling, “I absolutely can do this. I was born and raised in slums and I fought tooth and nail to get out. That child obviously has the potential to become something. Maybe not a Wizard but something. His mother doesn't care about him proven by the complete abandon that led to him literally opening a hole to the abyss into the middle of Vigil. If he comes with me I will teach him and train him and he will have the skills to do anything he wants in life instead of living in a literal pile of piss and shit waiting for the dysentery to set in. Now if you'll kindly excuse me I have to go find a Cleric willing to travel with a Tiefling.”

As he started to walk away Heither kept pace and asked “Wait why do you need a cleric, you obviously can handle yourself without any help? Also why did you ask for help you didn't need.”

“I didn't need it, but the boy did. The best way to deal with guilt is to actively do something to combat the wrong you did so I gave him that option. I asked you to help so I didn't have to hover over him and make him feel like he didn’t help.” He didn't want to mention that his motivations were also to see how well the halfling could handle himself in combat. “Speaking of, I forgot to get my damn wand back from him.”

“That's actually kind of … well kind.” Heither said astonished.

“Of course it is, everything I do is well thought out and flawless.”

“You are also incredibly humble.” Heither muttered with heavy sarcasm.

“Humility isn't needed when you can shape the fabric of reality with a few words.” Adam retorted.

“I disagree pretty heavily but back on previous points, why do you need a cleric?” Heither retorted.

“Why are you asking?” Adam said stopping, trying to not let satisfaction hit him before it was appropriate.

“Because I may know of one interested.”

“I need to hire one to accompany me into a Necropolis to recover an artifact I need.”

“Necropolis?”

“A city overflowing with undead creatures and energies.”

“And you just expect a Clergy member to fawn over your prowess and fall head over heels in love with your quest.”

Continuing to walk Adam replied “I'm no fool, I intend to pay them as well as make a heavy donation to the church of their choosing out of the loot pulled in the Necropolis.”

“What if I told you I recently finished my magical training and was interested in accompanying you if for no other reason than to make sure you feed the kid regularly.”

“I would say that these were a very fortunate series of events for me.” His hood hiding his smug facial expression.

“And how do you know Kugak is going to be at the gate at Dusk?”

“Because I could smell the ambition on him, partner. So go get your stuff together, leave this as a donation so your church doesn't get a belly ache and- You don't worship Pharasma, Iomadae, or Caiden Cailen? Do you?”

“Sarenrae actually.... Why?

“Oh no reason” Adam looked at the Halfling suddenly excited for the first time in a long time to be traveling with someone and said as he flapped his robes to the side spinning almost too dramatically. “See you at dusk!”

#short story #literature #pathfinder #Paizo #Fantasy

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