#(Tumblr!!!! There are literally SO MANY artists active here willing to HELP YOU ALL figure this out WELL!!!!)

[unpretty]

remember how activity was borked for a while and xkit wasn't working and no one with a lot of notifications could actually see anything for months? that's what i'm going to blame for not noticing a situation that started at least early 2020 (it could be earlier, idk). i mean i sort of noticed it but for some reason i didn't think it was this bad and assumed it would be taken care of soon.

so we all know there's still porn on tumblr, right? there is porn literally all over tumblr. it's full of porn. i don't just mean the many porn gifs and art that's still hosted on their servers and visible only to blog owners (seriously, if you have a porn blog, you can still see all the porn on it, it's just followers who can't). but, specifically, the skeezy dudes who do nothing but reblog gifs ripped from pornhub with gross comments never went anywhere. they just figured out how to hide!

see, if you're on desktop, and someone reblogs your post with nothing but a single gif and no commentary, you don't really see anything except 'rando reblogged this post'. same for if a bunch of people then reblog that post with that gif. until recently, trying to check your activity on mobile was pointless. and if you're the sort of person who gets a lot of notes on posts anyway, you're not likely to notice a whole bunch of randos liking and reblogging a popular post. that's just how tumblr works. if you filter out reblogs with commentary and don't look at likes, you won't even see any of this.

which is why a bunch of popular text posts are now infested with porn.

i've been reporting a bunch of the reblogs on mine but i only managed to get back to august before i got sick of hitting the button, lmao

like, on the one hand, i don't give a shit what porn bloggers do. if they were just making their own text posts, and hiding the porn in the comments, that would be fine. that looks like what some of them are doing! cool. fine. but these aren't artists or sex workers, these are creeps who are hijacking posts using stolen porn of skinny white girls doing reverse cowgirl, and leaving op with the random notes where someone who hasn't gotten the memo about keeping it on the down-low says WHAT A HOT SLUT or whatever the fuck. that sucks and anyone who participates sucks and i hate them.

so, here are some of the popular posts i've found whose notes have become infested with porn, if you have some free time and are willing to venture into the porn mines to start reporting shit.

https://unpretty.space/post/169786197353/61below-vaspider-unpretty-unpretty-i

https://old-infatuationdear.tumblr.com/post/157711885817/the-whole-gay-cousin-thing-is-outdated-im-gay

https://gayarsonist.tumblr.com/post/189215187808/hozier-songs-are-like-blows-kiss-to-the-forest

https://kingstape-remade.tumblr.com/post/170051218119/it-costs-0-to-not-mock-others-cultures-and

https://kimpossibooty.tumblr.com/post/169773269689/god-gave-me-depression-because-if-my-ambitions

https://arabwife.tumblr.com/post/162474611545/i-cant-wait-for-the-day-a-womans-strength-isnt

https://sergle.tumblr.com/post/161139731836/kin-bot-me-sees-a-fat-cat-me-in-tears-you (this is a reblog but op deactivated)

there's probably way more but thanks to the porn ban it's impossible to open a porn blog's archive to check for text posts! it just tells me to view it on desktop and never lets me see the archive! great! thanks! very helpful! love it!

#original

[goodnessmarygrace]

Part two of my POTS story...

So where I left off last time is when corona came around.

At this point, my symptoms were affecting my mental health as much as my physical. I could not focus in school. Therefore, my grades were harder to maintain and I hardly had enough energy left for the FFA contests and other organizations I was part of. I couldn’t sleep at night no matter how tired I was. When I did get a decent amount of sleep, I never felt well rested. My “everything is fine” mask was slipping hard. I cried nearly everyday. My anxiety was raging and I constantly felt terrible for not meeting all of my teacher’s and peer’s expectations. It dawned on me that my track season was done for, whether or not the pandemic took it. It was was March and I still couldn’t run my events without nearly collapsing. Everything getting cancelled was a relief because I didn’t get embarrassed from being such a mess everyday. I had so many “diagnoses” that I assumed people probably thought I was making it up. I even thought I was making it up. I brainwashed myself again. It was stressful. Everything was so uncertain that I avoided telling anyone anything about my many doctor appointments or deteriorating health.

When quarantine began, the real healing process began as well. I went to a doctor who helped me immensely. She told me to rest for 6 weeks. No exercise. This time, I was willing to do it since I was home. I had time to sleep and no longer had to juggle all of the stuff I was in. I spent time doing what I like to do, taking walks and looking at nature, being creative and using my artistic abilities, reading and getting closer to GOD again. I could finally take a deep breath. I realized that perfectionism and anxiety ruined my mind. I drew near to GOD in prayer and told Him that whatever happened next, I would trust His plan. This is the point in my life that I truly learned what trust and faith meant. I had many more doctor appointments to come. Through them all, I learned hope. I had to have hope that GOD would guide my doctors and help us to reach a diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with sinus arrhythmia and (misdiagnosed) with an incomplete RBBB and right axis diviation. I was also diagnosed with vocal cord disfunction, not asthma. When my mom noticed my shaking, (the shaking that I had been experiencing for the past year and thought was normal) we went to a neurologist. It was the neurologist who figured out the real problem though. He listened to my wild and crazy medical history story and all the happenings of the past few years. He seemed perplexed at first and deeply sad that I’d had so many issues. He had me hooked to a heart monitor (I’m a natural at those babies by now) and had me lie down. Then I sat up for a little before going to standing. I watched the screen with excitement. Was he seeing anything? All I could see was my heart rate increase. It went from the 60s to 100s in a matter of minutes. He told me I had something called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS for short. I didn’t really think too much about it. He didn’t explain what it was or anything and I assumed it was some harmless thing. I had bigger fish to fry. I had an MRI ordered to check on my spinal cord to see if it was tethered. I also was referred to a cardiologist. Call me crazy, but I actually hoped my spinal cord was tethered. That would mean that some of the weakness, clumsiness, numbness, tingling, chronic constipation, leg pain, and other muscular issues in my lower half could be cured or treated with a surgery. I prayed very hard in the next week that I had a tethered cord so that some of my problems could be fixed. I didn’t think very much about my POTS. As I prayed for my cord to be the answer, I also prayed that I would be able to recover if I didn’t get the diagnosis. And when the results came in and I was indeed “just fine,” I could take the disappointment. I decided then to look into POTS and figure out what it was. That’s when I realized that it was in fact the diagnosis we had been searching for all along. What a relief it was. Most people probably would think that being relieved about being chronically ill is ridiculous, but if you’d been suffering for two years for no apparent reason, you’d take whatever diagnosis you can. I had some more appointments with the cardiologist. Electrocardiograhm showed I was fine. The stress test said otherwise. A stress test is when you walk and run while hooked to an ECG and blood pressure cuff. I didn’t make it through 4 minutes of jogging before I was too dizzy to continue. My head ached for the rest of the day and I was exhausted. The weirdest part is, my blood pressure wouldn’t read correctly. Either I had no blood pressure at all or it was at 260/60!! That’s wack! I have to go back in a few months to get retested.

Meanwhile, I’ve come to terms with my POTS. I am grateful to finally know what is happening inside of me. I feel victorious even though the battle has just begun. For the past month, I have been getting increasingly worse. I nap nearly everyday where I used to nap once every 6 months, no matter how tired I was. My heart palpitates like crazy. I can literally see it convulsing frantically in my chest. I’m out of breath walking to the bathroom. I’m even more fatigued than I was during school. Standing for long periods of time is rough, but gardening is even worse. Squatting down and getting up to plant plants, hoeing the soil, and pulling weeds in the summer heat and humidity is insanely dizzying. Everything gets more difficult everyday, no matter how much water I drink, salt it eat, and light exercise I do.

Some of my friends know I’ve been to doctors. Some know I have POTS. Most of them don’t know anything. Very few are aware of what it’s actually like to be chronically ill. They don’t know that my chances of being able to play sports when school resumes are low. So you may be wondering, how am I possibly excited for the future awaiting me and glad I’ve gone through all of this in the past year? Well, the answer is because through it all, it was an answer to the prayers I prayed in the summer of 2019. GOD began putting His plan in action before I even realized I wanted it to happen. My relationship with Him is much deeper. I have a testimony now and I know what faith, hope, and trust mean. I have the courage now to let go of the activities and responsibilities in my life that are holding me back. I plan to quit basketball (I was never very good in the first place) and pursue my GOD-given talent for art. I plan to bring about a business that will impact others. I plan to show others the gift of life that only GOD can give. I plan to share my journey on Tumblr, even if no one is here to read it. I plan to lean on GOD like never before and hopefully learn a thing or two about self-love and self-care. For the first time, I can say that I’m not actually following my plan, but the one that GOD has for me. It took years for it to come into focus, but now I’m confident that He knows what He’s doing and it’s all for the best. It’s going to be an adventure, but maybe the hardest part is already over. After two years of denial and running in circles, I am finally going somewhere. Even if it means I will be limited to my physical capabilities.

I think I’m ready.

-Mary Grace

June 8, 2020

#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #potsie #POTS #self care #my story #a written testimony #christianity #positive thoughts #testimony #gods plan #chronically ill

[bitegore]

It's way too hot in your room, probably because it's August, but you're not one to judge. With an inexplicable groan, you open the window and lay on your side, listening to the sounds of whatever creature frequents your home. They're loud - these bugs - a raccoon scurrying through a pile of leaves - or another appropriate figure, obviously taunting you. You could be sleeping, but instead, you're here, 1:30 in the morning, hopelessly exhausted with no motivation to sleep. (1/2)

Hesitantly, you reach for whatever device is most convenient to you and log into your Tumblr account. Ah, the hellish website where you are free to discuss your outlandish interests to your hearts content. It’s as if David Karp is whispering in your ear, telling you that you’re home. For some reason you squint at the screen, feeling a certain disturbance. It isn’t hot at all. You’re actually fairly comfortable. If someone were writing about you, it’d be great for them to do some research. 

Nevermind the Swerve level fourth wall break. You’re going to sleep, if it kills you, and if your mutual knows anything about you, it will. You hit yourself in the face, realizing that Red, on caffeine, though necessary and unavoidable is a bad idea whenever you need sleep. Breathing in and out, you finally close your eyes. Any normal person dreams of so-called sugar plum fairies dancing. You think of alien robots, picking you up in their servos, and embracing you. That’s the dream. 

It’d be so nice if you could quench your thirst through means of something realistic, but Cybertron seems so far away. These characters, these figures, mean so much to you. Believe it or not you recognize more humanity in them than a lot of people in your life. That’s so pretentious but you honestly can’t shake the thought that all you want to do is frag someone 15 feet taller than you are, or cuddle, or just gaze longingly at and eventually get stepped on. You have no protective shell! 

You’re frustrated. Your meme-filled brain can’t take anymore. You’re going to pull an all nighter, per the usual. Instead of feeling lonely for a fictional planet, you’ll put those frustrations to good use – maybe draw or write something better than this bullshit meta bomb spiel. Somehow, someway, you quietly manage to make a cup of very strong black coffee. You return to your bedroom, and collapse, laying on your stomach and yelling into a pillow that clearly didn’t deserve this. 

Then it happens. You’re struck with the realization that if you were being written into a bullshit attempt at an x reader fanfiction, it would have to be re-written, after a proper question and answer session. Yeah, that’d be nice, and make more sense. Part of you wants to just sleep, so that this can end, and you can actually experience something that makes sense, but you feel footsteps, not normal, light ones, loud, booming footsteps. Could this be the moment things get interesting? 

You glance out your window to find a disgruntled, blue cassette player-like figure who shoots you a deadpan expression. You can’t tell exactly, because of a fiendishly 80s design and a face-plate. 

“Continue observation: human has been activated." 

You press your face against the window, blinking. If this is a hallucination, at least it’s a neat one. 

"I’m not a robot!” You shout, curiously rubbing your eyes. “I can’t be activated, or deactivated, though sometimes I wish I could be." 

"Are you functional?” He asks, a certain gentleness in his Welker-esque, Cylon-like, robotic voice. 

“That’s debatable,” you respond, rolling your eyes. “On one hand, I’m talking to a giant alien robot, who isn’t real. On the other, I feel like I’m in the midst of a bad fanfiction that was supposed to go one direction but has taken a turn for the worst, but isn’t that just life, Soundy?" 

The question is rhetorical, as your friend reaches out a hand. "For you,” he offers, his voice quiet.

“You’re a man of a few words. I like that about you." 

He gently lifts you up and places you on his shoulder. Then, morally ambiguous Soundwave begins to walk forward, either not caring, or disregarding the fact that alien robots are generally frowned upon. You feel a chill come over you, most likely because your room is always at the very comfortable temperature of 90 degrees under those blankets. 

"Listen, I like this as much as the next guy, but you think you can fit me in that little compartment of yours? The one with all of the mini cassettes?" 

"It is too crowded.” He responds simply. “Ravage does not like the company.”

 "Isn’t he -“ You shiver once more, wrapping your arms around you. "I-it’s cold up here. I keep my room - err - hab suite really warm and I don’t mean to be high maintenance, mister soundwave, sir, but it’s cold as balls." 

"Be patient, Red." 

"Holy shit, you know my name." 

"Of course I do." 

"Right, I forgot about the whole ‘telepathy’ thing." 

"It isn’t that simple. I will explain momentarily, but I need you to be patient." 

"I think I liked you better when you were all one liners or telling Optimus Prime that you were superior in Prime. That was cool." 

He lets out a sigh, and you take that as reason to be quiet. For some reason, you’re willing to trust the former outlier. He’s kind to you, and you know that there is a method to his so-called alien madness. He can tell. Soundwave eases up and continues. 

"Close your eyes." He requests. You aren’t about to disobey, or risk being stepped upon. With that, he continues. 

Finally, he stops. He holds you in front of him - AND OH GOD IS HE GOING TO KILL YOU, WHAT A WAY TO GO - and puts you in his lap. He shuffles and lays down. "Open." 

You do as he asks and are welcomed to a sea of stars. He still has a pair of arms wrapped around you, and you glance up, smiling. 

"I know I’m probably beating a dead Ravage by asking,” It doesn’t work, because he’s not a horse. “but why did you bring me here?" 

"To prove something to you,” he assures, ignoring the horrendous commentary about his weird robo-cat. 

“Listen, Soundwave, I’m totally for proving dumbasses like me wrong, but I’m missing the point here." You swear the windows error noise just played in your head. 

Your Cybertronian friend groans, and you let out a sigh, relaxing against his chest plate. 

"Fine, fine, I’ll be quiet." 

"Do you see those stars?” He asks. 

“Yeah, they’re a bunch'a neat lil explosions!" 

 "They have always served their purpose for your species. They have helped lead your ships’ captains in times of turmoil, and have created a permanent backdrop forcing you to think, to dream even." 

"I love stars as much as the next guy, but I’m not following, here, Soundy." 

"My point is, they have taught you that you are not alone." 

You pause and glance up at his face plate curiously, as he points to the sky. "If there were a Cybertron in your universe, that is where it would be.”

“So?” You dare ask. 

“Whenever you feel alone, remember that I am out there watching, that all of us are. I created a commune in hopes of creating a home for my fellow displaced Cybertronians, Decepticon, and Autobot. I taught Cosmos and so many others that they are not alone, and that’s what I aim to do for you." 

"You don’t have to worry about me.” You laugh, brushing it off. 

“You don’t know the impact you make on others, Red, how many lives you have changed." 

"With all due respect…I’m a senior in high school. I don’t need this kind of wisdom. I’m literally nothing." 

"And that’s where you’re wrong. My reasoning behind pointing out Cybertron and Sanctuary Station is we’re all -” He pauses, attempting to find the right word, “rooting for you. As long as we are real to you, we will never be far away. We’re here to help you recognize your own talents. You’re an artist. No matter what it is, it’s beautiful, and it blows us away. Your writing is well-spoken, intricate. Everything you do is beautiful, and reminds us, even us, of our own self worth, of our own importance. It’s time you start seeing all that we see in you." 

You swear you can hear his own spark pulsate or convulse, whatever the appropriate word is, and it’s as beautiful, as beautiful as his own words. You don’t know if you’re ready to believe him, but you swear he’s being honest. The former Decepticon is known for his loyalty and intellect, he isn’t deceitful like a certain seeker is made out to be. 

"Do you really mean that?” You ask hesitantly. “-that I’m important to even Cybertron?" 

"Of course I do. I don’t have to have telepathic abilities or be an Outlier to understand your importance. Keep focusing on your craft, and know, that someday soon, you will recognize these things in yourself and that you will be wonderful. Never forget who’s watching over you, and who’s rooting for you." 

You yawn and drift into sleep in the mech’s arms, your eyes closing to the feeling of his chestplate expanding and retracting. 

The next morning, you awake, knowing that someone who believes in you is looking out for you. You are wonderfully talented in every way shape and form. Never forget this as you finish your senior year of high school. You are going to change the world, I promise.

the only words i have are:holy shit i am literally crying

#story from anon #writing boost #soundwave #iiiiiii... literally cant even respond to this in any coherent way im just. absolutely losing my mind thank you so much for this anon