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kmp78 · 6 years

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I came, I saw, I (little bit) konquered 💪

First of all: apologies for this mega massive post! 😂

But I wanted to fit everything in one, so that´s the way it has to be!

Big thanks to lovely Stockholm for being a very gracious host and taking such good care of this world-weary traveler! Let´s start off with some general sights before getting down to the nasty business of Mars!

I have to say that seeing those posters for the 1st time in the flesh made me quite giddy indeed...

BUT NOW! On to the main event...

The M&G took place a few hours before the show, and arrangements were top grade, gotta give props when props are due!

These two ladies were really lovely and seemed like PROS at what they do and yet POLITE towards us even tho this was probably the 3000th M&G they were handling. I have no complaints!

We were escorted to a small meeting room type of area right next door to the stage area, and at first I figured I wasn´t even gonna bother fighting the hoards for the 1st row seats, but then I heard Reni saying there was one spot left - and I leaped into action.

At the M&G room Reni explained the rules and game plan for the evening. No personal/private questions, no simple yes/no questions, no groping during the pics, no running to the concert area (there were near-catastrophic incidents in Prague some days ago, some girls ran like cray and tripped and fell and created a domino effect and it was a mess...) and so on. 🙄

Reni asked us who has listened to the album (most raised their hands) and who has not listened to the album (me and few others raised ours... Hihi...), and what people´s fave songs were.

Then we got back to talking about the potential questions again, and she encouraged people to ask about the new album (*COUGH* REMEMBER THIS LATER AS YOU READ ON *COUGH*), or if you want advice etc.

Not that I cared much anyway, but seeing as she did not seem to touch upon “that topic” at all, I decided to try my luck and asked:

“What about the “elephant in the room”?” 🐘

The room fell silent and there were some dramatic “Oooooooh´s” coming from my fellow VIP peeps.

Reni´s face went serious and she quietly said “No”, as was fully expected.

I pressed on.

“How come?”

Reni: “Because we would rather... It´s a personal matter. Of the band.”

Me: “So we´re never gonna get any explanation?”

Reni: “It´s a personal matter... And until he doesn´t decide... It´s not in our...”

And that was it! That´s the explanation I managed to squeeze out! Sorry, guys! I tried, but... 😞

I´m totally not the only one who reads that to mean that IT WAS TOMO´S OWN DECISION TO WALK AND IT´LL BE HIS DECISION IF/WHEN HE COMES BACK, right?! And that the band has no say in it, and they have no clue if and when the situation gets resolved?! Right?!

UGH! 😠

Then Reni went on to explain that if someone was there specifically to meet TM, they could get a refund but they would have to leave immediately.

Total bs “offer” because there ain´t NO ONE coming to these things just to meet TM, but whatever... I did contemplate if I should ask for a partial refund because I only got partial Mars, but chose to let it slide. Not even worth it.

One guy in the audience commented “Good question”, so I guess I wasn´t alone with my queries! It may have been Gustavo, I dunno.

Before the band came in, people kept busy by asking the crew a few questions.

And at this point I would like to offer a MEA CULPA and sincere apologies to the person/persons who I battled with some weeks ago when Reni´s home land was a topic. See, as luck would have it, one of the VIPs asked the staff where they were from, and Reni said “I´M ORIGINALLY FROM MEXICO”, so yeah... Haha! I giggled quite a lot... Sorry, anon/anons! I was indeed wrong! Shayla said she´s from NYC, Inaki also from Mexico and Diana (I think that was her name...?) from Brazil.

Shayla mentioned that she is kinda jetlagged. Reni said she´s usually pretty good with it.

Then they plugged Camp Mars (a few people had no idea what Camp Mars even is...) and lured us to buy with big promises of hangings with the band during the most magical weekend of the year.

“The band is also there all day.”

Reni also inquired if people would be interested in attending Camp if they by some miracle happened to arrange it in Europe. Most people were eager, no surprises there.

Someone asked if Camp could be arranged earlier in the summer, and Reni said no because the Malibu Camp site is occupado until August.

Another one asked if Camp is getting bigger, to which Reni replied that “It´s getting better. I would not say it´s getting bigger because the number of people for the past 2 times has been exactly the same, which is 200.”

So there we have it. An official number.

Well, as official as these people are ever gonna admit, anyway... 🤷

Then we voted for our fave songs from the new album. “GWO” won.

(I voted Tabasco. 🤗)

Someone wanted to know if they were gonna play “GWO”, and Shayla said nope because they have not rehearsed it.

Of course not! 🤷

Then we swiftly moved on to the “Kumbaya” moment of the evening where Reni asked if someone knows how to sing, and some dude said yeah, so he came up front and started singing WoW.

Now this is just my opinion, but sitting there listening to an almost Sunday church-like hysterical pathos... Worshipers partying and yelling out the lyrics as if God himself was within hearing distance...

I did not know I needed that in my life. 😱

Then Reni we needed to “make some noise so they´ll come faster”.

Is... is that what VK does too? 🤔

I dunno, but we did.

It did not help. 😴

To kill even more time, we did the obligatory “Where is everyone from?” round. I stayed silent. Surprisingly it seemed like almost half of the peeps were non-Swedes! The woman next to me was also from Finland. Wooooop!

Someone asked if the band is gonna do festivals, and Reni listed some upcoming dates. I don´t know why people don´t GO ONLINE to find out this stuff, but... 🤷

The crew also mentioned they have days off on occasion, Helsinki was mentioned as one of their days off, which kinda maybe means that the band will be arriving tomorrow and hanging for a whole day before the gig on Wednesday... Uuuuuuh!

Then all of a sudden...

DOORS FLUNG OPEN AND ANGELS SANG PRAISES! 🎺

Well no, it was just echies screaming and clapping. 🙏

JL and SL sneaked in from the stage area and the masses of course went bananas.

I still sat in silence and watched. 👀

The bros had a table and chairs, but never sat down. Instead they stood and placed one foot ON THE CHAIR, as all civilized peeps do.

JL asked if anyone was at the previous gig, and mentioned that it has been a really small show, but this one would be the smallest (arena holds max 3500 people). Last night apparently was “INCREDIBLE”, one of the better shows on the tour.

For some reason (pffft...) he spotted some German chicks who I guess were twins or smthg, I wasn´t really paying attention. Anyway, he mentioned “We always need more twins in our lives”.

Echies naturally giggled because OMGGGGGGGG HILAAAARIOUS, and JL went on to explain that “Hey our grandfather had a twin”.

SL quipped that maybe he or JL will have twins, and JL mentioned that he and JR argued about the twin gene skipping a generation or smthg like that. 🙄🙄

Then he spotted some chick in the front row who had big muscles (no she did not btw) and asked her if she´s a trainer or smthg. JL mentioned that he just recently started working out again so he keeps looking at muscles.

Uh huh. 🙄🙄🙄

On/off SL gave looks around the room, and I got some too. He did not smile, not even a crack. Meh.

THEN IT WAS FINALLY Q AND A TIME!!! 🙏 😈

Some dude asked how hard it is to get a workout on the road.

SL said the recovery is the most challenging part. I guess he meant recovery from the shows.

JL says the 2 hours on stage are the hardest, and then the rest of the time should be spent by doing nothing.

That last part might be more familiar to some in the band than others... 🤔

Some woman from Ohio, USA was picked and I guess she yammered on about herself a bit too long because JL interrupted her speech with a very stern “QUESTION!” (we all know that tone... Hihi!), and she asked if there were any “Aha!” moments when making the album.

I suppose she did not mean “Aha! We totes should wrap this whole shit in Americana even tho it has fuck all to do with it!”...

SL said the 1st thing that comes to mind is “Rescue Me”. Apparently they´ve had that song for 10 years and have had people help them work on it (WHOOOO?!), and the last person they worked on it with caused them to have an “Aha!” moment when they realized they were actually going to finish it.

I´m sure we all share that amazement...

JL said he remembered sitting down during TIW in his home in Fredonia (his old home) with a synthesizer and the verse and the chorus are still the same. Lyrics have changed. The chorus used to just be “Rescue me, rescue me” without anything else, and 5 years later he was sitting on a plane and the current chorus started forming in his head. The song used to have a “pre-chorus” too. “He said” or “She said” (I could not make out which, or maybe both) before the main chorus.

He said the lesson in that is to never give up because you never know what can happen. Sometimes songs happen quickly, like “A Modern Myth” which he said he wrote in 5 minutes, and SL wrote “Remedy” fairly quickly. Finishing songs usually takes him longer than coming up with a song.

Next guy asked about creative differences between Album 1 and Album 5.

JL said you can still hear the same band on both albums.

(GIVE OR TAKE A FEW BAND MEMBERS, MAYBE... 🙄)

He listed all the elements the new album features. He said he thinks a song like “Echelon” could totally be on the new album.

Next up a woman who said she was studying to be in the music business asked what she could do to make sure no other artist has to deal with what Mars had to deal with (lawsuit etc.).

JL´s advise: Don´t sign a record deal unless you absolutely have to. Spread your music via social media and other platforms.

(I know he was talking about EMI specifically, but I could not help thinking there might have been some Interscope crumbs in there too...)

The woman clarified that she meant more from the music label/business side and not the artist side. Jl responded “Go work for Spotify”. He went on to say that record companies and people can be great too, but the deals are the problem. They should be transparent and available online. It´s the last kind of “gangsta business” where you can really take advantage of people.

Some dude mentioned that he saw Mars 11 years ago when they opened for Linkin Park in Europe. JL remembered that tour, SL did not.

I guess he asked what it feels like to go from there to here (I wasn´t really listening because meeeeeh), and SL tried to come up with smthg intellectual and deep but it just sounded so ridiculously pathetic it´s not even worth mentioning. Smthg about just living and maturing and evolving as human beings. 💤

He also said they are really fortunate to still be together as a band (*SNORT*) because lots of bands from back then don´t exist anymore.

JL said this feels like a new and fresh chapter. Like his inner child. Like a reboot. Like they just got a facelift (HOLD YOUR LAUGHS, PLEASE). The new songs live are apparently “pretty INCREDIBLE”.

“I know some people are like “Where´s the guitar?” and “Where the heavy music?” but I think it´s still pure 30 StM.”

He also called the new album very dark and “lyrically on point”.

His point might be somewhere waaaaaay off the playing field tho, but...

Some chick with pink hair was up next and JL said he was gonna dye his hair pink but now he can´t.

SL said dyeing wrecks your hair and JL said his hair can´t take another bleaching.

And yes, you guessed it, folks. Fangirl giggles and swoons galore!

Her actual question was about Mars music feeling ancient or smthg, again I was totally not even paying attention because I DON´T CAAAAARE. Sorry but these questions were fucking USELESS. 👎

Anyway, SL blabbered on about them being from an “old place”. JL said everyone has missed the point that they made the album by using modern American sounds like Hip Hop and Pop etc. and that WoW is a giant political FUCK YOU.

Except not too long ago he gave that interview to a Finnish journo and specifically banned political questions, but okay... 👌

He said it´s exciting to see people from different countries singing that song with so much passion that sometimes he almost feels like they need to escape through the back door (he was kidding).

Next that same guy who sang during the pre-M&G stood up and congratulated the band on the new album. JL in return congratulated the guy on his hair (= a poofed up semi-mullet kinda thing) and they chatted a bit about his hair. Soooo riveting... 😫

The dude said one of his fave songs is “Convergence” and he asked about spirituality or smthg. Again, not interested...

JL said the last album was only 7 songs and the rest were fillers (well he didn´t say fillers but I´m saying it), and this new one is 11 songs and only 1 filler.

While JL was still yammering on his response to the mullet dude, I made my move and raised my hand HIIIIIGH - and when he finally finished his looooong sermon JL turned my way and...

Oh uh! It's Go time! 😱

⚠️ Little background info first! ⚠️

I obviously had thought of a few questions before coming to the M&G, just to prepare for the off-chance an opportunity might present itself. My options ranged from "Why did you call us Screaming Fat Girls?" to "Why did I have to pay 400 for this when 20 yo models get it for free?" and beyond. Yes I even toyed with the idea of sneakily slipping VK into the mix... 🙃

But sitting there as the M&G went on and listening to the other questions and studying the room's vibe, I started feeling my questions were all... wrong. They started feeling like I would just be purposely asking for trouble and causing a stink and potentially ruining the event, which was not my intention at all.

I started feeling like I needed to ask smthg current, smthg that has relevance in this day and age, smthg that hopefully gave us some answers to the questions we have been pondering about on the blog, smthg that would make you peeps proud, smthg that would not be a waste of a question - and yes, smthg that maybe poked a little hole into his massive ego at the same time! 🤔

So with all that criteria in mind, I went into battle...

Me: "Hi, speaking of the album, have you read or heard the reviews? Because some of them were... not very kind...?

JL: "This newest album?"

(NO DUMMY I WANNA KNOW IF YOU READ THE REVIEWS FOR THE ALBUM YOU RELEASED IN 2002!!! 🙄🤦‍♀️)

Me: "Yeah."

JL, staring right at me, with the snarkiest and bitchiest voice and most passivest aggressivest demeanor:

"Well thanks for bringing that up."

😱😱😱

His reaction both in words and in vibe (and the reaction from the room aka loud gasps, few hisses and cheers after he "lashed out" at me) was worth all the money I paid for that M&G, I don't even mind telling you!

SL also chimed in with “Yeah, thanks for bringing that up” but at that moment I was so focused on JL´s face that I completely ignored SL´s whining and existence - not to mention that every single molecule inside me screamed “HALLELUJAAAAAAAAH!”

So yeah basically I just sat there going...

While he stared at me throughout that little exchange, he most def could sense the snark in my question, and I most def could sense the snark in his reply. Naaaw... Just a couple of petty snarks sharing a moment... 🤣🙊😍

#BucketList ✔

I guess that is what an orgasm of the mind feels like. ☺

And btw...

"Thanks for bringing that up"?

Honey, with the amount of shit we have on you, you should be very #Grateful I only brought THAT up! 🤨

Anyway, the room kinda “erupted” with little gasps and hollers and whatnot, and after that initial "explosion" SL took over and started "grilling me" about my choice of question.

"That's your question? You wanna know if we read and what´s our response to the bad reviews?"

I replied “Yeah, I wanna know”.

SL said he had not read any.

Okay, but... Why did you just jump on my throat about that topic then...?

He continued that everyone has opinions and tastes and attitudes and personalities and colors (???) and stuff... He said he can´t pay attention to it, he can only focus on what he did and the band did, and he feels great about it. He said he is secure in himself and his “bro”, as he called JL.

Then JL took over and in a very explanatory manner (calm voice this time) said that these days everyone is a critic. He said on social media any person´s opinion is as important as a reviewer´s. He also said he thinks a lot of the criticism revolves around the “Where is the rock?” argument, and that they are probably right.

“It´s not a rock album.”

Followed by a LOOOOONG silence.

A silence which was only interrupted by SL going “Well, there you go!” in a triumphant manner. Echies of course applauded, and then suddenly JL picked up again:

“Don´t be fooled, we knew EXACTLY what we were doing. But let me just tell you something: we have NEVER gotten good reviews. Even when we made rock albums. So... Nothing really changes...”

At this point it again felt like he was getting ready to move on, but NO! He still kept going!

“I have a feeling lot of it has to do with me...”

That Gustavo dude piped up with “Jealousy...”, but JL ignored that comment and continued:

“It just has to do with me being in the band... I don´t think people wanna let that slide...”

SL commented “Fucking weird...” and then after a short silence went “Great” in the most “NON GREAT” way imaginable. Kinda like when you spill juice all over yourself and go “Great”.

So with that “NON GREAT” “GREAT”, this topic was now finished and my time in the spotlight was over.

I will point out that while pretty much everyone who asked a question before me got a “Thanks for the question” comment, I did not...

😭😭😭

BEFORE WE MOVE ON - QUICK ANALYSIS ON MY Q AND HIS A:

I think what we learned here are 3 things:

1. Poor SL really thinks he contributed to this album and has reason to be proud. 🤷‍♀️

2. JL is indeed VERY aware of the bad reviews and backlash his latest offering brought him. 😭

3. JL is also aware of the "bad rep" he has. Not just for the "Oh he's an actor trying to be a singer" thing which he has battled since Day 1 (which I'm sure he was mostly alluding to), but also that currently (= after SS) he gets ridiculed and judged on a whole new level.

I mean, the way he almost dragged the topic on and felt like he had to add “just one more thing”... Kinda felt like he was trying to convince not just us but himself as well... 🤨

Anyway, feel free to send feedback and thoughts on this! Did I do good?! 😜

Okay back to the M&G!

The next person asked what would they say to their younger selves.

JL wouldn’t wanna say anything because “We’re in a pretty good place right now in life and career… I guess I’d say "Take a deep breath… It’s gonna be alright. Don’t pay attention to the reviews.”“

Ooooooh... Still feeling butt-hurt from the previous Q, are we… ? 😏🤭

The next Q was asked with such a heavy-accented English I had NO IDEA what he asked, but apparently JL did because he managed an answer. It was smthg about the Mars symbols (the triad). 🤷🏼‍♀️

The next chick started off my saying "I just wanna say I love you and adore you” and I almost yelped out “MR. KAUFMAN IS ALREADY TAKEN!” but managed to keep my emotions in check.

Her question was a pretty good one: “Why did you come up with the name "Monolith” for the tour", she said she (like all of us!) did not get it.

JL said the name comes from the giant screen on stage and the giant box thing as well, which of course for this tour they could not fit through the doors.

Next question was “Why did you call the album "America” when it talks about universal issues?“

JL: "I think the idea of America is universal (FUCK OFF ALREADY DICK IT SO IS NOT) and everyone has an opinion (WANNA KNOW MINE?) and the songs are universal. I think what’s going on in our country is probably going on in other countries. I don’t think we’re the only country thinking about things like immigration, the right and the left, what kind of a world we want to live in, what kind of a future we want. I just thought it was an interesting time and an interesting word. It really isn’t political title, it’s more of a concept (🙄🙄🙄), that’s why I liked all the lists that we came up with because they were so bizarre and funny and provocative. They do give you a sense of the time we’re living in.”

He went on to say that in 100 years people will be able to look at them and go “Oh, that was that crazy group if people that was alive between this time and that time and that fucking guy was president in America!”

Oh my! Look who’s getting all feisty again! Dare you to say that publicly tho!

During this question the noise from the soundcheck taking place in the next room went up a few notches and Stevie´s high-pitched screams almost overpowered the Letos... They made some jokes about SA´s screams. 😂

And of course he kept with the “The name “America” inspired the film that we made that´s coming out later this year, the trip across the country... Did anybody follow it on social media? (I MAY HAVE...) The Museum of America in LA and many other things that we´ve done. I dunno, I just thought it was an interesting container.”

In relation to the previous question, JL also mentioned that he had an alternative title for "America" which he admitted (?) he sometimes thinks he should have used:

“ERA”.

As in this era we are now living in.

YOU GOD DAMN DILL!!!!! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN 40 GAZILLION TIMES BETTER THAN "AMERICA"!!!!!

🤬🤬🤬

I seriously almost screamed out loud when he said that... I can't even deal with him! 😠

He said that title would have been “a little more global but a little more boring”.

NO, DILL! YOU AND YOUR BEDWARMERS ARE GLOBAL AND BORING! THAT TITLE WOULD HAVE BEEN PERFECT!

😠

The last question came from a woman next to me (fellow Finn btw! 😃🇫🇮) who told us that she's a teacher and she asked what inspires them etc.

JL said that “sometimes I´m not inspired” (REALLY? Never would have guessed...) and that “at that point you just have to rely on muscle memory and to just put one foot in front of the other and keep marching forward... Someone asks a question you don´t like (WHO?! WHO ASKED A QUESTION YOU DID NOT LIKE?! 🙊), you deal with it... You have to do some part of your job that´s tedious (like... the actual working part?), you push past it... I think a lot of times it´s just showing up... You can surprise yourself. You start a conversation, you start a concert, and before you know it you´re lost in the concert and you´re enjoying your time.”

SL said what helps is “getting rid of the fucking trash in the head. If I feel distracted or there´s a lot of stuff going on in my head that doesn´t have anything to do with what I wanna do, I have to get rid of it. Meditation helps, hanging out with cool people (LOOOOOOOOL), yoga, taking a walk...”

And that was it! Show over! JL thanked us for coming and then...

Picture time! 📷

We lined up in the hallway and practically RAN through the stage they had set up for the pic.

Seriously it was RIDICULOUS! Felt even faster and more North Korean than in Getafe! We all legit had no more than 2 seconds to pose and then we were pushed out! 😑

Total bs. No other way to put it. Treated like actual cattle. 🐄

Anyway, I had a plan ready again and as I stepped up to SL who kinda "yanked me" between him and JL (not in a bad way but just kinda like "let's just get this over with FAST"), I said to them:

"Okay guys, let's smile like I'm a model."

🤭🤭🤭

Now, I don't know if they heard me or bothered listening (or in "someone's" case even understood what I was hinting at), but it def made me feel giggly... 😜

Anyway, end result is this:

I think JL may have gotten what I was implying, or perhaps he was still salty about my earlier question, but he def pushed my back to get me to leave the area after the pic. 🤷🏼‍♀️👉🚪

Altho he probs does that to everyone, especially those who are not 20-smthg Russian models, but… Oh well. Kinda made me smirk even more! 🤣

Or perhaps it was my shirt which ruffled his feathers? 🤔

Wanna see a close-up?

BOOM.

Tell you this much: online T-shirt printing businesses and 20€ sure provide a lot of satisfaction. 😏👕💳

And even tho I once again got only 20 Secs (Jfc… 😂), I still managed to sneak TM into my pic, sooo… 😎💁🏼‍♀️

More closeups:

Thanks GOD he looks more than decent in mine!

And c´mon now, Jarry. I think we all know you can go bigger than that.

Jaw seems to work a-ok...

And yes, I watermarked them because that´s how I roll, homies!

After the pics we were given our VIP merch: black beanie (not bad! I might actually wear that…), plastic badge (who the fuck needs these?!), a canvas tote bag (meh ok) and a signed poster.

TRY TELLING ME BOTH THOSE SIGNATURES ARE NOT FROM THE SAME DAMN ALMOST-WORN-OUT PEN… 😂😒🖋

We were also allowed to stay in the M&G room and check out the official merch stand (pffffft! Did not buy a fucking thing as everything looked so uggo).

This tho...

After about an hour of waiting, we were finally led into the actual concert area. As some of you saw from my IG posts, this was not a regular MonolOth tour gig, but more a club gig. The set was completely different, no monolOth anywhere, and stage was not in the middle of the room.

I noticed there was a balcony area too and I marched up to a security guy to ask if it was ok to go up. He said yeah but only 100 people are allowed up so I needed a special ticket, which he then handed me and told me I needed to give it back if/when I came down again so someone else could use my place up there. Very smart security move!

Being as tiny as I am and as claustrophobic as I am, I knew standing in a sea of people and not even seeing a fucking thing was not a viable option, so I chose to wander up to the balcony - and oh man, that was the best decision I could have made! I scored a prime spot right up front and had full “skyview” of the whole room! Lucky move also because without the balcony spot, that IG Live would have been quite difficult to pull off…😏😄

JR’s DJ set was about as useful as sledgehammer when washing windows, so there’s no need to even discuss it. Literally maybe 7 people actually listened and cheered him. 😴

At around 8:40 pm the lights FINALLY dimmed and the show started.

Now, seeing as I did an IG Live for the whole show which means I did not take any pics or clips (I´ll try posting some of the clips I saved from the IG Live a little later on tho), I’m going to utilize a few fellow concert goers offerings here for vibe and atmosphere reasons! 😉

And of course we can NEVER forget the true star of the night...

A post shared by Jared Leto ∆ Echelon page (@dy.jovi) on Apr 24, 2018 at 1:18am PDT

A post shared by Jared Leto ∆ Echelon page (@dy.jovi) on Apr 22, 2018 at 1:11pm PDT

NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES. OR SHIRTS. 🤣 🕺

As far as overall grade for the show goes…

Well, the people who came on my Live on/off and witnessed the gig with me can probably kinda agree that… eh… It wasn’t very awesomely great. 😣

The stage looked stupid with just SL’s drums, SA was once again shoved to the side where we could barely see him (but could hear him plenty!), the sound overall was kinda off (or maybe it was because of my location, but the drums sounded REALLY loud at times, almost drowned out rest of the instruments. Altho… what instruments? 🤔)…

But the biggest problem of all: Jared’s voice.

It’s fucking DESTROYED, guys. GONE.

Yes on some songs he sounded ok, even quite good on occasion. But overall, he cannot do a full show like a proper rock singer should.

And true to form, he skipped out on a lot of the lyrics (either he let SA sing, or the audience had to sing), and when he did sing (“sing”) he sounded BAD. Multiple times extremely off key and basically just shouted/screamed his way through the songs. There is no way on earth that anyone with ears could claim he sounded good!

Sheep would try no doubt, but lemme tell ya: Lies! Lies, lies, lies!

I think the only song which sounded at least half decent was “Stay”. It’s not a very challenging song anyway, so that one he still manages ok. Everything else… uh. 🙉

youtube

But it is what it is, I guess... Can´t turn back the clock and undo years of damage!

And that yelling is not helping what little he has left...

youtube

I did enjoy JL calling me and my fellow upstairs residents “BALCONY MONKEY MOTHERFUCKERS” tho. 🐒

Been called worse before! HA! 😂

Overall I would say that had I not had the IG Live peeps keeping me company throughout the show, I would have been majorly bored. There really was nothing even remotely interesting happening on stage (not counting Naked Dancing Dude!), and traveling across an actual ocean just for that show...

Not really worth it, gotta say.

If someone asks me if I would recommend buying a ticket, I would have to say no - based on the actual show, I mean. it just really does not offer any great “WOW” moments.

But on a personal level and by taking into account the WHOLE experience, counting the entire weekend etc., I will rank this as one of my better vacays for sure! And a big part of that is thanks to ALL YOU who joined and shared it with me, so THANK YOU! 💗

Report over and out!

#30 Seconds To Mars #sweden #yeehaw #jared leto #shannon leto #duo #i like bringing things up #you should know that by now

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cutiecrates · 4 years

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Cutie Reviews: NMNL Oct 19

For this month Tokyo Catch has been running a promotion, where if you spent enough money to equal or value past 600 points, you receive a free Crane Game ticket per-day. I was disappointed to learn these couldn’t be stacked, but I figured may as well get use out of them by practicing. Now, I only found out about this like a week ago, and would you believe the other day I actually won something in one try?! I was completely stunned, I really wasn’t expecting that to happen.

I won’t spoil what it is though, when it comes in the mail I’ll take a pic :3 I’ll give you a hint though, it’s Pokemon related~

Meanwhile, I’m sure you see the 2 boxes here, right? If you’re new to the blog or missed the explanation for this “incident”- basically, Tokyo Treat accidentally sent me 2 of the same box (the copy came about a month later I think). I contacted them about this and they told me it was a mistake on behalf of their database, but I was free to keep it. So they are the same, but some variations are different.

“Are you ready to celebrate Halloween? In Japan, everone loves dressing up and even though scary and spooky looks are popular, so are the cute and colorful ones. That’s why we’ve included makeup, skincare, and more inspired by Harujuku, the trendiest place in Tokyo! We hope you’re excited for this month’s spooky beauty box!“

Contest

This month, the contest was based on Pumpkin-themed products for the face; such as eye shadow, a sleeping pack, and some duo pads for cleansing.

Glam Gift

Meanwhile, Kuromi has returned in the form of the special box in NMNL with a little of everything. I love the pouch and hand cream ♥

Horoscope

Of course, for Halloween this months featured “characters you should dress-up as for Halloween“. Which one did you get from this list?

Aries: Sailor Moon Taurus: Marilyn Monroe Gemini: Maleficent Cancer: Cruella de Vil Leo: Merida Virgo: Hermione Granger Libra: Hello Kitty Scorpio: Wednesday Adams Sagittarius: Harley Quin Capricorn: Elsa Aquarius: Zombie Alice Pisces: Ursula

I was so excited to get Hello Kitty ♥ You guys know how much I love her, although, I do wish they had included more anime/manga/video game characters.

Acupressure Face Mask

This is a great item if you’re going to be spending Halloween indoors or want to work on your glowing complexion. All you do is put it on for 1 minute a day and rub over the pressure points (I could be wrong, but the box has a picture of someone doing it), then you take it off. It has two sets of straps for a comfortable fit.

This is a product by Lucky Wink, the same people who made those adorably massage kitty pads we got a couple months back. Because I love cats I really like the concept behind these items, and I really like to use the kitty paws. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this because it actually kind of hurts a little (I use the tighter straps though, if I use the loose ones I don’t feel like it does anything), and the skin around my eyes feel a bit tightened afterwards. But at the same time, I don’t hate it, and it looks like it has been having some effect on the skin. I also like that it doesn’t feel inconvenient to use.

Pumpkin Rejuvenate Mask & Bling Cat Eye Patch

We are lucky to get 2, really cute face masks this month. First up is this natural mask by Esfolio, made from pumpkin (and several other plants) to improve skin elasticity and glow, while leaving out harmful items like MIT, CMIT, parabens, mineral oil (I actually thought that was supposed to be good), and silicone.

I really like this one! It smells a little like flowery pumpkin (its a very faint pumpkin smell), and even though I wiped off most of the product, it adheres to the skin amazingly. This is always something I look for in a face mask because I find they work a lot better than the other ones- the ones I usually have to lay back for while using to make sure they stay on. With winter still in the process of passing, my skin has been needing something like this as of late, and its been feeling pretty nice since I used it a few days ago.

This is suggested as a “1 a day mask“ worn for 15-20 minutes. If you can find it I would recommend picking up a few.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Our other mask is once again for the eyes, and shaped like a cat :3 perfect for Halloween. By Tony Moly (a brand I really like!), these masks will moisturize, soften, and brighten the skin around your eyes, it’s the purrfect partner for the acupressure mask~

This one has a strong lotion-ish scent I found to be pleasant, and it’s kept on the same amount of time as the previous mask, 15-20 minutes. I decided to use this after the acupressure mask and it felt so soothing, I really liked it. My eyes were feeling tired and tight by that point, and I felt like they were more awake and comfortable afterwards.

I would recommend both of these masks, they both earned S+ (which is even better than an A) in my books!

Nail Stickers

Our next item is by a cute (patent pending) nail sticker pack from the brand Mew Girl. As you can see, this is our first variant in the box too; my original came with the juicy orange sheet, the copy got pinky flowers. Besides these 2, there was 5 other sheets we could get featuring their own funky, colorful, or sweet high quality stickers.

What I think is really fun is that not only do we get the little stickers, but we also have a sticker of the sheet name, and the frame image is also its own sticker, so you could use it for a journal, or just to draw a fun picture or add some flare to an item if you wanted.

The stickers are easy to peel and I really like them, the only issue I have is that I had to pretty much destroy the clear wrapping over one of the sheets just to get a closer look at it. I really don’t know why it was so hard considering how delicately I was doing it, but it was like glued to it, so it ripped apart with little effort. I think it will be okay though, because I keep my nail stuff in something away from all the dust and cat hair.

I plan on using them very soon when I do my nails; so keep an eye out for that in some upcoming pictures ;3

Happy Halloween Bath Powder

After a long night of enjoying the holiday or to take your mind off of things, we get this packet filled with a bright orange bath powder. It’s moisturizing for the skin and includes extracts of peach and vitamin E, and includes a delicious aroma of milk and Japanese tea.

Honestly, I don’t get that smell at all. To me it smells exactly like... have you ever tried those “healthy alternative fizzy water drink machines” where you add flavoring?. It smells like the orange soda flavor; I could pinpoint the scent immediately, but I really like it.

For as vibrant as this product is, there isn’t any sort of skin stainage after using it (at least none I could see, I only used a little of it in the sink, but I kept my hand in it a long time), and my skin felt pretty smooth and soft. You also get a lot of the powder and the scent lasts a good while afterwards.

Fate Grand Order x Sanrio makeup palette

I think I said this in the last review, but while I’m not big on crossovers, I really like any that involve Hello Kitty or Sanrio :D I was really intrigued, and excited, when I saw this fun item. As you can tell, both boxes came with Merlin, but there was also Mash Kyrielight, and Gilgamesh. I know nothing about this series, but I think out of the 3 choices (namely the palette colors), I definitely would have chose Merlin so I’m glad I got this one. But I kinda wish maybe I got 2 different ones.

I’ll just say now that I don’t know FGO, I heard of it but I never checked it out or anything. So I know nothing about this character, but they look interesting. I really wish we got more makeup items based on game/anime/manga series~

I love how this looks like a book, it’s so cute. I also like how the packaging has a little window on top, to demonstrate the colors inside. I didn’t include a demonstration pic like normal because the product is extremely light, so it didn’t show up well in the picture. My observations include:

Lips - the product barely added color (and I tried to apply a good amount of it). But it is smooth, it isn’t greasy like most lip x cheek products.

Cheeks - much more visible, you only need a little to blend for a rosy cheek look. It feels very light and again no grease.

Eye-shadow - extremely light, the two darker shades are just barely visible, but you get a love shimmer and its perfect if you like soft, natural shades. Again, it’s very light feeling too.

Keeping this in mind, I like this product. Not only because of the cuteness factor, but because I’m someone who prefers the shimmery softness and natural/cute pink hues, so it’s a pretty good palette for me. The makeup is light enough to avoid feeling like its being caked on too.

Pop Devil Color Treatment

Not gonna lie, this item confused me a bit; but I love its pastel coloring and cute character design. This came in 3 variations based on Korean trending colors at the time: ash pink, ash lilac, and ash violet.

Okay, so what confused me is that this is described as being a hair colorant while treating the hair as well. According to the book, you just apply it to damp hair and leave it in 5-15 minutes, then wash it out really well. As far as I know this does not color your hair. I’ve tried it multiple times and saw no difference, but to be fair to the product I don’t know if you’re supposed to be use the ENTIRE thing in once, or if there’s something we’re missing in the instructions.

However, as a treatment item, the hair I tested it on (I did test both colors btw) feels really smooth and soft, and its shinier; it just feels a little bit more healthy than it did prior to using it. It has a strong smell though (I can’t really describe it) and by the 10 minute mark of letting it set, I was beginning to feel a little out of it. The scent lingers after you wash it (as of now it’s been almost 4 hours), but its much more bearable by now.

Momocos Fruit Gloss

This is our final item, and if you’ve been here before you might recognize the pink and blue tube. Because a few months back in KiraKira Crate, we were given the Momocos Fruit Gloss :3 I REALLY like it, it’s one of my favorites to frequent because the wand feels nice, its smooth on the lips, and it smells wonderful~

For this month, besides the Cherry one, we could also get the Mango gloss, Orange, or Peach. Because I already had cherry, I sorta wish I got 2 different ones because I’d love to be one step closer to having a full collection (I’m sure its on the Japan Haul website tho, so I’ll probably be doing it soon enough ;3). But at the same time, it doesn’t hurt to have a spare. By now mine seems so dull in comparison, and the colors have began mixing.

However... I think this new one might also be broken somewhere. When I opened the box I saw spillage in it, and the tube is a bit sticky. I can’t find any sort of damage and it was sealed- but somehow it came out. What’s also funny is that the wand has a gradient, while my other one is vibrant pink.

The mango one is equally delicious in scent and taste, but I feel like out of the whole line it would be my least favorite. It’s not as good as cherry, and I’m pretty sure I will like the other 2 more... maybe when I get them I’ll do a small blog comparing them.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 4.5 out of 5. I loved everything, and all of the items work and only a couple of them are one-time uses, which is another quality I like. But I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get anything that was... mysterious, spooky, fun, like our prior Halloween makeup boxes. I also wish we got more variety as to where the items are used, like before.

Theme: 2.5 out of 5. Sadly I feel like this suffered. We honestly only got a couple items that bring to mind Halloween, while the rest just sort of... accent it. Like people link Cats with Halloween, but these items don’t make me think of Halloween, they make me think of cats.

Total Rank: 8 out of 10. The items are really good and I love each one, but I’m missing the variety. I like “all over beauty“, why should only my face feel good? The theme was spot-on for the month of October, but the items weren’t. As a side note though, since my Birthday is in October, I like how I got a lot of items that involve things I like. I would strongly recommend this box, unless you wanted something with a stronger Halloween vibe.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

Palette - As sheer as the product is, I really like it. It’s very sweet looking, and the packaging is super-cute~

Eye Mask - It felt so good and it smells even better.

Bath Powder - I was a bit shocked by the vibrant (almost blood colored) colorant, but it smells yummy and it felt really nice on the skin.

Pumpkin Mask - It smelled good and it clung to the skin perfectly, which doesn’t happen often with face masks for me. I kinda want to get another one.

Acupressure Mask - It kinda hurts a bit to use, but like I said, I don’t hate it enough to not want to use it again.

Lip Gloss - As much as I like this brand, and the products; considering one made a mess (but its still usable) and I’m not extremely crazy about the mango one... its not my favorite.

Hair Treatment - It feels really nice in the hair, but unless I missed something it won’t actually change your hair color or tint or anything. It was kind of a letdown.

Nail Stickers - I just feel like I’m less-likely to use this one. I really like them though.

#cutie reviews #nmnl

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bitchgoldstrikesagain · 7 years

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Story time: Cat Lady from Hell

I'm a freelance pet sitter that has been working part time since I got out of college about a year ago. I don't necessarily need the money anymore since I've gotten a job as a full time illustrator at a Ad Agency, but I enjoy it. I've also worked with animals my whole life and worked or volunteered at at least five different shelters as I've moved around. Basically, I'm not stupid when it comes to animals.

So I got a new hit for a pet sitting job on the service site I’m on and so I set up a time to come and talk to them and meet their pets. Turns out it’s this older woman living in a VERY wealthy part of town in a pent house over a high end shopping center with her single cat.

Now some red flags did go off here at first. She was very insistent on my replies, and if I didn’t reply right away she would contact me through another venue. But that’s common with older clients, since I feel like most have no clue what Digital Social Etiquette is. Also her messages were super brisk and curt.

Also at one point I asked for her address to meet her, she snapped back. “Well if you had read my work request you should have it.”

Red flag one! But I politely explained to her that for safety reasons I only have access to her zip code.

But when met her it was a completely different story. She was nice, she was clearly concerned about her cat and kept repeating how much she liked me. She also made it clear she was meeting with several different pet sitters since she had difficulty in the past.

RED FLAG NUMBER TWO.

I have made it a point, if a customer complains about a pet sitter, ask them specifically what their problem was and if its a bull shit problem DO NOT TAKE THE JOB.

Now her cat, I should mention this cat. Sweetie. Really is quite a sweetie. But she was a stray, and has one back leg missing. But also is only about five - six years old. So prime of her life cate that other wise is completely healthy and by all accounts happy as far as I could tell.

But so about a week later, she informs me she would like to hire me and promptly sends over a deposit. I was stupid, and I liked the cat, so I took the job. It was nearly two months out so I didn’t hear from her again for quite some time.

Till about two weeks before the sitting dates.

It was a day I was sick in bed, I got a migraine so I had decided to switch off my electronics for the day and recoup so the migraine didn’t last longer than necessary.

It wasn’t even a full day though, and around 6pm that day I turn my phone back on to find -- 4 messages from her, all through out different platforms. I should point out she didn’t even let five hours pass between one email to the next. So I was expecting an Emergency, because what honestly could be so pressing that int he span of a business day I’m hit with so many messages!

What did she need?

To know when I’d be by int he next two weeks to get a key and final rundown on the cat.

TWO WEEKS AWAY.

I was getting a bit concerned but when I expressed this to a family member they were like, “ya know, she’s old and there’s just something about seniors that they demand you answer them right away. They don’t get that an email or a text is still waiting there and can be addressed later for some reason.” Which is an assessment I’ve also found true, and besides when I meet her in person she was always kind and nice to me.

So everything goes well at the meet for the key. Though she is very insistent that I stay for 2 hours a day with her cat. I laughed and said, like I do to all my clients that would like me to stay with their cats, “Oh if I have my laptop I usually stay that amount of time just fine.”

I apparently took this to mean something different than she did.

Because let’s fast forward to the first day of sitting.

That morning I get there -- and her apartment is a complete mess. The counter top is covered in trash and dirty dishes, papers and just so much stuff. There was also quite literally a half eaten banana left in the kitchen, just left out on the counter. . The living room has cat hair everywhere, as well as cat toys every where and over by the litter box is a complete mess. It’s a litter box I can tell has never been washed out past the point of buying it.

And I’m not gonna lie, I consider that super rude. If you ask me to stay in your home, I don’t expect it to be military spotless, but I would appreciate it to be clean. It makes my stay much more pleasant.

But so I empty the litter box, feed the cat and play with her for about ten to fifteen minutes before as cats do she gets tired of it and goes up on the couch and goes to sleep.

Now, every client I ask, to please leave me a DETAILED instruction list. That way I know in their own words what they would like done on a daily basis.

This client gives me --a mess of post-its, a feeding list that does not match up at all with what i was told in person and to top it all off --It’s completely illegible. Like really I spent fifteen minutes trying it read the scrawled handwritten note. None of it is in complete sentences and its just -- god it was a mess.

Btw, both what she told me in person, and on her hodgepodge of instructions -- totally over feeding her very small cat. She had 5.5 oz. cans of cat food which wanted one given at night and in the morning AS WELL AS a 2.5 oz. packet of Sheba --basically a gravy smothered cat treats disguised to look like real food and nutrients, cats love them for the same reason we love ice cream -- given every night, in addition to a small bowl she always keeps full of dry food.

Needless to say, I was throwing away so much food. The cat barely ate half of it.

So that night I get there for the afternoon visit and I’m setting up outside on the balcony with the kitty snoozing on a cat bed out there when I send over a couple of text messages. This convo is so perfect I’ve gotta give it to you word for word!

So --I’m not allowed to do anything while I’m there for 2 HOURS a day. I’m watching her cat for a week by the way. And I had fully planned to write and get some website work done while I was in her home. The same as a frequent repeat client I had scheduled directly after her, which had given me the wifi and password, asked me to stay about fifteen minutes with their cat and whom I subsequently stayed there with their cat for about three hours every night, because why not? I have my laptop and i’m doing exactly what i would be doing if I was at home, only with their cat now instead of my own.

Also I should point out, I don’t think this woman actually knows what Wifi is. From how she’d describing it, t sounds like she things its the webcam she has hooked up.

Which I didn’t connect the dots to, until several days later when I go this oh boi! kind of text!

..again. Seniors have no sense of digital etiquette! I have yet to run into a person that thinks this is O-K to send to someone. ..because it isn’t. It’s creepy it’s very VERY creepy.

It was upon getting this text, I look up from where I am on her cat hair covered floor, to finally register on the mantel of her fireplace is a bright blue light coming from a webcam.

She never mentioned any form of this to me in person. EVER.

The only place ti was mentioned was on a post-it, she had scrawled messily that she had acquired a Nanny-cam.

I’m trying very hard to be o-kay with this, I realize it’s a common practice, though usually not for a single cat...

At this point I should admit -- I was not staying 2 hours a day. I was fucking bored, so I was staying the bare minimum and leaving to another clients house that had offered me wifi, supplied me with a case of Vanilla Coke, and told me to and I quote, “Eat anything you find in the fridge, or cupboards, we want you to feel at home while you’re here.” or a client after that, that had as well given me the Wifi even offered me their TV with HBO, Hulu, Showtime and Netflix AND had mixed mimosa, besides a selection of five different beers and three wines in the fridge which they urged me to please feel free to. Oh and that lady adores me so she leaves me a bowl of candy every time too. XD Also! both of which were clean, nice houses, one of which another penthouse overlooking the city... Why in the world would I be hanging out in a stinky cat hair balled home with a crabby ladies cat that because is missing a leg gets exhausted and sleeps 90% of the time with nothing to do when I had that waiting for me as my next scheduled stop??

I was though! Staying about 45 minuted every visit, I know because it was the first time in my life I was timing a cat visit. It was about 15 minuted to feed the cat, pet her cat, change her water, clean out the litter box and clean out her food bowl. Then 30 minutes of petting kitty, and playing with her till she got tired and would either make it clear to me she did not want any more attention -- usually with a play bite (Something this cat had a HUGE problem with and I strongly suggest you stop in cats btw! Its very easy to do so and you can train a cat to just put their paw on you when they would like you to stop. But not my cat so honestly not my problem!) -- or she would go to sleep. Then I’d leave. Cause why stay? I’m bored as fuck.

Now about 3/4 of the way through I find out -- I’m being watched through out all of this.

I god damn wanted to cry at this point.

And I probably should have tried to stay longer -- but it creeped me out -- so this made it so I stayed shorter amounts of time, cause i was paranoid. I rushed through the assigned tasks then played with kitty till she was tired and slept -- then got he hell out of dodge!

I do this job cause I love animals and it’s not that big of a deal for me, but this became that job I just GET. DONE. MOVE. ON! Cause i was stuck in a shitty situation and there was no other way but trudging through it.

So I only had like two days left, I just had to make it to Wednesday. So like her notes were a mess but she didn't say in any of them that I could tell when she was coming back at all! So middle of the day Wednesday I get this email that's like “Oh I'm home!” And I was like wtf, cause I had planned to make a visit that night, but I was like whatever, at least I don't have to go again.

That is until I get a second email. Because I think she thinks Emails are text messaged...

"Hey come by after work and we can negotiate on pay/hours."

Middle of the day, while I’m at work and I was so mad I went outside and called my best friend to talk me down from flipping my shit on this lady. Her advice to me by the was was, "dude you just have to get out clean with this crazy bitch."

So I swallowed it all and sent back an email that was like, “Just pay me what ever you think is fair, I’ll be by to drop oft the key after work.”

Going up to her door, my heart was nearly pounding out of my chest and I think I was the fakest I’ve ever been in my life as she handed me a check, I handed her the key and we went separate ways.

Also when I talked to her in person same story -- nice and smiling the whole time. I may be having the fakest moment of my life, but I think i just figured out then I was talking to one of the fakest bitches to walk the planet.

I never wanna hear from her again.

Her name in my phone is now, ‘Cat Lady from Hell.’ Just to be safe I never forget.

Btw! I charge $17 for up to two visits a day --she was gone for 10 days, she owed me $170. ...She gave me $110.

So I only got 2/3 of what I had originally quoted her.

There is a silver lining to this, the job service website she found me through -- yeah. She never marked me as Hired, meaning she can’t review me. I don’t think she’s tech savvy enough to figure that out but if she ever does, she ever does try to mark me as hired I plan to smack that down and unmark myself as hired.

Lol. as far as I’m concerned its all just a bad memory I’d like to forget!

#bitch gold strikes again #rant #cat lady #clients from hell

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loveinruins · 7 years

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First weekend away

Last Wednesday night we went for dinner briefly and had a bit of a tiffle because of a heated discussion about MT. MT had come up to me and said she wanted to take her own car because G wasn't speaking to her and I told him that and that's what started our argument.

He basically told me it's none of my fucking business how he goes about doing things and I was like wow ok. He kept going on and on about how we both deal with things differently and I agreed with being silent and he goes again you being silent does my fucking head in more than anything. I'm like I'm not quite sure what you want me to say here G. He goes what did you take away from what I said to you? I'm like it's none of my fucking business who you want to talk to and who you don't want to talk to. He goes are you serious that's all you took from what I said? I go no but that's what's resonated with me. Anyway by the time we left nandos I was a bit upset but just tried not to show it and as we were walking to the car he hugged me by putting his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in towards him and kissed my head. Which made me melt inside even though I was so upset at him. It's funny because when we were on the freeway on the way home I'm like I'm hungry do you wanna get something to eat? He goes it's my Aunty's birthday today and I go oh ok, it's all good. He goes nah we can still eat but are you gonna be a lil bitch tonight? I'm like no wtf and he laughed. He always knows when I'm getting my period or I've got it because I become a moody psycho. More than usual apparently. So we went away on the weekend to Apollo bay and got a really nice house and whatever. It was me, him, AC, MT and KT. Friday after work we had arranged to do the groceries while G finished late and all of us finished at 5.

So we did our shopping and whatever and luckily we had so many groceries so we ended up putting them all in MT's car which meant there was no room for me in her car so I got to go with the boys which is what I wanted anyway.

The car ride was fine, we spoke about MT a bit and then the rest of the time we just had a bit of banter and spoke some shit. We stopped in Geelong for dinner at la porchetta which was bloody awful. By the time we got to the house it was like 12am. When we got to the house the boys were like this house is sickkkkk. It was really really nice, so of course we go to bedrooms first and I'm like bags this room and they're like no wtf just shared with the girls and I'm like fuck no. I'm not sharing with them. AC goes nah you guys can share referring to me and G and I'm like no. He even said bro I'm not sharing with her. Anyway I was like no I'm having this room I swear to god if you make me share with the girls I'll fucking leave. AC was like no you won't. G goes yeah she will, I go yeah I will I'll get B to pick me up and she would. AC was like dude wtf and G was like let me talk to her bro just go, AC walks off and I was like what? He goes T it's not a big deal and I'm here to have fun but seriously it's not fair we paid the same money why should I not have my own room? Anyway I'm just saying. At that point I felt really guilty and selfish but at the same time I was like fuck this shit and I was in the worst mood. So I sat in my room for like half an hr and they were both in the lounge, G went and started the fireplace and AC was showering and getting changed I think. Anyway I eventually stopped sulking and walked into the lounge and sat down. He was like so are you drinking orrr? I'm like nah I don't feel like it. He's like why? I go I just have anxiety I just don't want to and he goes as if we come all this way everyone's drinking. I'm like no. He then grabs my hand and pulls me to the kitchen, at that point I didn't really know how to feel because he made me feel so guilty and I was annoyed at him and in a shit mood but he held my hand.. He was like come on I'll make you a drink what do you want? I was like umm vodka and lemonade so he poured me one and we decided to play kings cup (which btw I've never played before). It was quite funny, I was pretty drunk by the end of the game and we then smoked some weed after and went to bed. Next morning I woke up and made everyone breakfast, AC and KT were both giving me shit for making him breakfast. I was like lol ok whatever I made everyone breakfast not just you guys. We went to the 12 apostles, we split up when we got there the others walked off and it ended up just being me and him and we took a few photos of each other and together. It felt like we were a couple. Afterwards we went to some lighthouse that ended up being closed and we went for a walk anyways to some bushy area with a secret lookout. We went home and started on dinner whilst the boys went to town to buy some more snacks. I had a shower after cooking, got changed and purposely wore a loose white top because he doesn't like me wearing black all the time and plus it was a wise scoop neck so why not. We made rice paper rolls for dinner, it was actually really good. Anyways after dinner we played cards against humanity and drank and got high again. Now while playing CAH I caught him looking at me a few times and I ended up seeing a secret video that AC had snapped and it was him staring at me as I was doing something. He edited a video and put a love heart between us to be funny. I was like lol wow.. he was like checking me out..

Ok so I was dealing the cards after a round and he goes nice bra and I'm like what? You can't even see it. He goes yeah I could when you leant over before and I'm like.. right and he goes yeah it's the same bra you wore that time at the station. Here I am thinking is this guy keeping tabs on me or what? So we're like really stoned at this point and the girls ended up going to bed and I was left with the boys and we were just chillin and I went into G's bedroom with him and we were just having a laugh and a part of me wanted him to be like sleep here tonight but of course he didn't say that nor did that happen. I was taking my make up off with a wipe and he was like what are you doing? I'm like taking my make up off and he goes when did you even wear make up? I'm like earlier this morning. So I mean I'll take that as a compliment I guess.. I can't really remember much after that except for going to bed alone and slightly disappointed even though I was high as fuck. Next morning I woke up, got ready and packed up all my shit and we headed back home. We stopped at Lorne for brunch and walked around a bit. I bought a donut and asked him if he wanted to share a slice of cake with me and he goes yeah and I go do you wanna get this or me? Obviously that was a test to see if he would pay and he didn't.. should've known better by now.

He goes get me a coffee too cheers, so I did and when I gave him the coffee he was like lol oh thanks T (like not expecting it). Anyway so we left Lorne and on the way I had to pee so I made AC stop at a service station to go to the toilet and we ended up watching the mayweather mcgregor fight. There were a big packet of jumpys and I'm like can you get me this pls? He hesitated and I'm like I bought you a coffee, he goes I was waiting for you to bring that up. I'm like lol do you wanna buy me a bueno too? He goes that's if we're leaving before you buy the whole store. So AC drops G off to his car and I was hoping he wanted to take me home but he didn't offer so I just went home with AC. On the way home AC and I got to talking and I'm like you know I heard all your stupid little comments like kiss kiss kiss and saying cute when we'd interact m and trying to make him and I share a room. You made all those comments thinking I didn't hear them huh??? He laughed and goes you have tunnel vision when you're together and I go no I don't. He goes whatever you guys are in your own little bubble. Im like can you not? You guys need to let it go he doesnt like me like that. AC goes yeah but do you? I'm like no I just feel like we're besties when we're together that's it. He goes are you sure? I'm like yes dude. He goes I'm not gonna push it but there's love there..

I thought to myself wtf.. So he took Monday off so I took the train solo yesterday which was different. Then when I saw him today I felt nauseous. He looked extra cute cos he wore a shirt and a blazer. He gave me attitude when I saw him today which irritated me. Anyway I decided to not pay him much attention and I was just quiet during lunch and he goes what's wrong? I'm like nothing just feeling a bit down today. AC was like why? G interjects and goes bro she doesn't want to talk about it. So yesterday I spoke to someone in his team and asked what times they finish this week and he told me 4:30. So I knew he finished early today so towards the end of the day I had anxiety because I wasn't sure if he was going to wait for me or not because I removed him from my Skype list so I wouldn't check his status. Fuck I'm crazy.. It gets to about 5:05pm and I had just gotten off the phone with a customer and I'm like ok well he left without saying anything, probably better off.. then all of a sudden he walks up and I was like.. heart racing but relieved with satisfaction that he waited for me. Maybe because I said I was down he waited for me? Not sure. We walked to the station and I told him about eye see two and the job offer KL spoke to me about. On the train we had a bit of banter, we got onto the topic of how when I came back from Europe that I was gonna leave and he goes yeah but then you met me and like runs his hands into his hair and I rolled my eyes and I go relax yourself lol. At that point I realized he knew I still liked him.

Now I've clued together this because he goes if there was something wrong between us would you tell me? I'm like yeah if it was going to affect our friendship I would and he goes I'll keep that in mind. I honestly think he likes me liking him. I don't know. Honestly. Oh and when I told him about eye see two he goes I knew it. I knew it was going to be that. He asked me to drop him off to his car even though the train we were taking was going to stop at Yarraman. I was like fineeee, I guess if I get to spend more time with him then great lol. On the way to his car he was like T everything in your life is great, why are you feeling down? I go I dunno. (When in reality I just can't help but wonder why he doesn't like me like that?) I'm like I am grateful for everything, I dunno. Before he gets out of the car he's like thanks for the ride, btw thanks for waiting for me (like speaking about himself in third person) I acted surprised like waited for me? He goes yeah I finish at 4:30 this whole week and I go ohhhh and he closed the door and looked back at me and I smiled and waved bye and drove off. In my heart I know that he will always have a place there but I'm not helping myself by over analyzing what he says. I need to stop. I've asked the universe to send me a guy who wants to love me and be with me. Sigh.. until next time. T xxx

#deardiary #dear diary #headfucked #he knows #i'm crazy

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