#90’s pornstars
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Tera Patrick
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help wanted pt 3
read part 1 and part 2 and part 4
content warnings: joe young x masc reader , hurt/comfort , joe’s congregation finds out about his little side gig , lots of fluff , reader actually being nice to joe , but also gets called out , makeout session lol , cumming in pants , situational humiliation but /neg , joe has a weird surge of dominance
word count: ~4.1 k
synopsis: joe gets bad news and goes to reader for comfort
a/n: this is set some time in the late 90’s/early 00’s. once again, i never watched the movie so idk when it actually takes place but i get the vibe.
“joe said he can’t come in, so i guess the whole shoot is cancelled.” dave’s voice crackled over the phone line as you huffed. it was 8 am, only a couple of hours before you were supposed to head in to film. you thought for a moment, still trying to wake up. he was clearly upset, probably being told they wouldn’t be paid if nothing was released. it was a common threat, but it never got to that point before.
“do you know why he cancelled? that doesn’t seem like him.” everyone on the shoot knew how reliable he was. he’s never called out on a shoot before or showed up late. even though he was only a pornstar, he still had a solid work ethic. you and everyone else on the team trusted him more than any other pornstar in the past.
“he said there was some personal shit he had to deal with. he sounded real upset, so i just let him go handle it.” you nod.
“okay. i guess just let me know when our next shoot is. i’ll try to check up on him later, just to make sure he’s okay.” dave laughs.
“if y’all are queers, just say it.” you scoff.
“dude, chill. you know joe’s mormon, he’d probably have a heart attack if he knew what we were doing was gay.”
“he doesn’t know already? didn’t he cum on you?” you flushed.
“look, just let me handle it? okay? he’s really sensitive and i don’t need you running around talking about how much of a fag he is.” you rubbed your temple, frustration clear in your voice.
“i’m not calling him a fag, i’m calling him a queer. there’s a big difference.” you rolled your eyes and laid back down in your bed.
“i’m going back to sleep. call me if you need me,” you said and hung up. just as you were curling back up in your sheets, you phone rang again. without looking at the caller id, you answered with a groan. “what?”
you heard crying along with what you assumed were words. you looked at the number and recognized joe’s. he kept crying while trying to blubber out explainations.
“hold on, joe. calm down. take a deep breath,” you tried to comfort but he kept crying. he kept babbling, too upset to form proper words. you quietly hushed him, a small shh until he stopped talking. “take a deep breath. try to follow me.”
you took a breath, counting to four as you breathed in, held it and breathed out. even though he gasped and sobbed throughout, he was at least trying to listen. you repeated until his breaths were relatively even.
“are you okay? can you try to talk slow for me?” you asked but he almost instantly started sobbing again.
“they- they know! they saw my videos and, and they kicked me out!” he wailed.
“who? what did they kick you out of?”
“my church!” he let out a long cry, sniffling and gasping as he did so. you didn’t know how to respond. you weren’t exactly expecting a phone call from joe at 8 am about being ex-communicated from mormonism. you swallowed.
“shh, shh.. it’s okay. just breathe, that’s all you gotta do. just breathe..” he still cried, but was no longer wailing. “good, in and out. everything’s gonna be okay, joey. just breathe.”
“i’m sorry, i know you sleep in but- but i don’t have anyone else..” your heart ached as he said it.
“it’s okay, baby. where are you? you’re safe, right?” he sniffles.
“i’m in my car.. i had to pull over ‘cause i couldn’t see too well.” you cooed.
“i’m so sorry, sweetheart. is everything okay?” he hums.
“as good as i can be. i’m sorry, y/n. i shouldn’t have bothered you..”
“don’t apologize. what do you need?” he whimpered.
“can i come over? i-it’s fine if i can’t,” he started to ramble. he tried to cover up the fact that he needed you, making sure that you knew he didn’t need to come over, but the truth was obvious.
“yeah, you can come over.”
joe was knocking on your door within 15 minutes, which interrupted your frenzied cleaning as you picked up whatever trash you had laying around. it wasn’t perfect, but definitely presentable. you opened the door.
“hey-“ he cut you off, pulling you into a tight hug. he squeezed, arms wrapped around your waist and forcing your hands in the air as you avoided them getting pinned to your sides. it almost hurt how tight he held you, his strength hidden well by the costumes and the uniform he always wore.
“i’m sorry,” he mumbled. his face was buried in your chest, unable to bring himself to move away. slowly, your arms wrapped around him as well, a hand finding it’s way to the back of his neck, fingers becoming intertwined in his hair.
“you don’t need to apologize.” he nods. you toy with his hair, waiting for him to make the decision to pull away. after a while, it felt like he never would, too enamored by your embrace. “do you want to tell me what happened?”
“they.. they found out about my job.” he sniffled. you sighed. for some reason, you never really questioned how he did porn as a career. you knew he was religious and most likely used different stunt devices to avoid showing himself off, but you forgot to question how he went to church the next day, knowing he was going against one of the biggest laws of his religion.
“oh, baby..” you held him closer as you heard him sob, parts of your shirt starting to feel wet against your chest. his grip tightened. his hands gripped onto your shirt, forming fists as he cried. you looked up, blinking away tears of your own. you weren’t a cryer, but hearing him made it difficult not to. “let’s sit down, okay? i’ll put something on, how does that sound?”
he nods, slowly letting you go. you led him, hand on his back, towards the couch. he sat and looked up at you with big, teary eyes. you pouted, holding his cheek for a moment and wiping the excess off. he shut his eyes, leaning into the touch. he really is gorgeous, even with flushed cheeks and red eyes. you understood why he held you for so long, now wanting to stay in this position forever, just as he did.
“what do you want to watch?” you pulled your hand away, sitting next to him. he looked down.
“i never really watched tv before.” you looked at him, trying to read his face and see if he was joking.
“you’ve never watched tv?”
“i have! but not that often. i used to watch service on the tv when i was sick and i couldn’t go in. that counts, right?” your jaw dropped, a grin spreading as you quickly flipped through channels.
“dude, you really never watched cable? that’s fuckin’ crazy!” you laugh. he shrinked a little in his seat, taking your attention away from the tv guide. “it’s fine, man. i’m messing with you. i’m about to show you some of my favorite shows, if i can find them.”
you wrapped your arm around him, ruffling his hair with a smile until he returned it. you pulled away again. you glanced over at him, seeing how politely he sat. his back was straight and hands were placed directly over his legs.
“dude, relax. kick your feet up or something.” he watched as you rested your feet on the coffee table. he looked shocked.
“on the furniture?” you nod. he leans down, taking off his shoes and placing them underneath the table neatly before awkwardly kicking his feet up. you wiggled, digging yourself deeper into the couch.
“just lean back and relax. do you want something to eat?“ he shook his head, trying to copy your movement and get more comfortable. “i can’t find anything good. it’s too early for all the actually entertaining shit..”
“oh, what about tom and jerry! i’ve watched that before!” he pointed at the tv. you almost shot down the idea, before deciding against it. he was already upset enough, why not let him watch whatever he wanted?
“uhh, sure.” you clicked on it. he pulled his feet away from the table, instead pulling his knees to his chest and watching the screen with his head resting on top of them. he smiled as it instantly opened to tom chasing jerry down the hallway before getting hit by a frying pan. he giggled.
“why are you staring at me?” he looked over. you didn’t even realize you were staring until he said it. he was still smiling at you. your face reddened.
“oh, i was just making sure you’re.. okay.” you excused, leaning back and focusing on the tv. he nodded. you stretched your arms across the top of the couch, now feeling anxious about having him in your house. you almost felt paranoid about leaving something out. you didn’t clean out the fridge, so that probably looks bad. you also forgot to put your laundry in the hamper. actually, you forgot to do a lot of stuff. you should have cleaned the bathroom at least, maybe even mop-
“do you have any movie recommendations?” he pulled you out of your racing thoughts. his arms wrapped around his knees, bottom half of his face covered by his bicep. “i never watched any movies before. maybe i should start now since i’m not.. mormon anymore.”
“uhh, yeah, man. i have some tapes we can watch. or we can go by blockbuster and you can pick some stuff out. my treat,” you smiled. his eyes lit up.
“really?! i always wanted to go there!” within 10 minutes, you were driving him to the nearest blockbuster in the same attire you slept in, only with socks and slides added to your outfit. he was buzzing, a big smile on his face as you parked. “have you been here before?”
“yeah, dude. i used to work here, actually.” he smiled even harder.
“really? i used to always wonder what it was like to work outside of the church.” he mumbled as you both stepped out of the car. you stuck your hands in your hoodie pockets, glancing over at joe as he basically skipped to the door. you smiled.
he was cute, you admit. he was sweet and so innocent you could barely wrap your head around it. the idea of someone like that actually existing made you hurt, especially since he trusted you of all people. you sighed as you opened the door.
“aw shit, get out! get out!” the manager yelled. joe paused, staring in genuine fear as you laughed. you patted his back.
“he’s fucking with us, dude. that’s anthony.” you pointed towards him as he held out his hand to shake joe’s. he awkwardly held his out as well before anthony took the initiative to grab it and shake.
“anthony. what’s your name?” he asked before glancing down and noticing his name tag. elder young. “damn it, y/n. you dragged a mormon in here?”
joe quickly unclipped his nametag and stuffed it in his pocket.
“ex mormon. now that he’s ex-communicated, we thought to do some things he wasn’t allowed to do.”
“oh, i’m sorry about that, man.” joe nodded, still looking away. “we have most of the classics in stock, short of pulp fiction. some guy came in here with his girl talking about how it’s the greatest piece of fiction ever created.”
“what a douche,” you laughed. joe glanced at you and you tilted your head towards the shelves. “go look around. just grab whatever you think looks cool while i catch up.”
he nods, disappearing behind a random shelf that he clearly wouldn’t be interested in. you watched as his eyes darted around the store, trying to find a genre that caught his eye. he was clearly overwhelmed by the volume of movies.
“how’s that.. ‘filming gig’ going?” anthony spoke up, using air quotes as he scanned returns and put them in a box. you shrugged.
“it’s going pretty okay. that’s actually how i met him.” you nodded towards joe as he grabbed ring and jumped when he turned the boxset and saw the girl crawling out of the well. you chuckled. “i’m making good enough money to get by. i was supposed to be filming today but something came up.”
“oh yeah? so you decided to go out on a little date with an ex mormon.” he emphasized the ‘ex’ like you did before. you rolled your eyes.
“it’s not a date, dumbass. we’re just friends.” this time, he rolled his eyes.
“i’m the dumbass? you’re the one walking in here with heart eyes for the dude. plus, you met on a porn set.” he whispered the last part. he glanced at joe, who wondered his way to the 18+ section before quickly departing. “was he an actor or did he pull up on set trying to sell the whole jesus thing to you.”
“shut up. look, i just helped him out with figuring out what certain words mean.“
“did you demonstrate or-“
“fuck off.” you turned away as he laughed. he put the final tape down and leaned forward on the counter.
“he seems like a sweet kid. you aren’t.. taking advantage of him, are you?” you turned to him, shocked by his bluntness. “i just wanna make sure. i know you aren’t a bad guy, but i gotta look out for people. if i thought someone was taking advantage of you, i’d say something.”
“i’m not taking advantage of shit. he asked for help, he gave him help, end of story.” you sat by the counter for another couple of seconds, waiting for his comeback.
“i’m guessing he was ex-communicated because he’s gay?” you tensed up a bit, looking away.
“no. he doesn’t know that..” anthony furrowed his eyebrows, looking you up and down.
“you had sex, how doesn’t he-“ you shushed him.
“we didn’t have sex. i just.. told him i was just helping him out. i don’t want him to freak out about being gay. he already called me crying over being kicked out of his church, i don’t need to make him more upset.”
“so you’re lying to him?” you paused.
“what?”
“you’re lying to him so he doesn’t know that what your doing is gay.”
“i’m not.. i didn’t lie. i’m just protecting him.” anthony held up his hands, turning away.
“whatever you say, man. he’s gonna figure it out at some point, though.” you scoffed.
“whatever.” you went towards where he was, seeing he was stood in front of the kids movies. he already had a couple in his arms, including the lion king, a tom and jerry movie you didn’t know existed, and mighty joe young. “you picked that because it has your name, right?”
“what?” you pointed at the vhs and he blushed. “oh, um. y-yeah.”
“that’s cute.” you didn’t even realize you said it out loud until anthony laughed in the back. you poked your head from between the shelves and glared. he mouthed ‘just friends’ as you went back to joe.
an hour later, you were sat on your couch with joe watching titanic. turns out, he never heard of the titanic so after a brief history lesson, you started the movie. joe watched intently while you mostly spaced out. you’ve seen the movie a couple of times, but never found it super interesting. he liked the cover, though, so you rented it.
“we should do that.” he pointed at the screen, pulling you out of whatever thought you were having. you looked. jack and rose kissing at the front of the boat. you turned a little red, trying to figure out if he was joking. obviously, he wasn’t.
“what? they’re just kissing.” you shrugged off the comment as if you weren’t flushed. he pouted.
“i’ve never kissed anyone before. is it nice?” he looked at you, genuinely curious. you nodded.
“yeah, kinda. if you like the person, it’s nice.”
“why would you kiss someone you don’t like?” he questioned. you flushed, looking away and watching the screen.
“i mean, i don’t like every girl i sleep with. it’s weird to kiss someone during a one night stand anyways; it’s too intimate. i mean, i don’t even like kissing that much.” now, he flushed.
“why would you.. sleep with someone if you don’t want to be intimate?” you shrugged again, starting to feel defensive.
“sometimes you’re just horny and you have to go out and find someone to sleep with. it’s common.” he stopped asking questions after that, most likely realizing that you didn’t have good answers anyways.
it was quiet for the rest of the movie, leaving you to marinate in your embarassment. he didn’t mean to, but he made you feel horrible. maybe it was a mix of what anthony said earlier along with his questioning that made you feel this sleazy.
the movie ended and you went to rewind the tape before putting it back in the case. he didn’t say anything, not even about the movie. as you clicked the case shut, you looked at him.
“do you really want to practice kissing with me?” you tilted your head. he thought for a moment before responding.
“do you want to?” you did, but him making you admit it made you feel even worse. holding back your ego, you nodded before sitting next to him again.
you felt your heart race as he shuffled a little closer. you patted your lap, inviting him to sit. he adjusted, lifting his leg to go over your lap and straddle you. he planted himself, now closer to you than ever, his nose just an inch from yours. you could feel him, the heat from his body radiating onto you as your heart beat quicker. you could smell him, too. a fresh scent that you weren’t familiar with. it was intoxicating. his eyes flicked between your features, focusing on your lips. he swallowed.
“what should i do?” he asked, voice cracking as it broke the threshold of being a whisper. his hands landed on your chest, kneading your shirt nervously. you wondered if he could feel your heart racing. you held his waist, glancing down at his lips as he chewed on it.
“kiss me.” and that he did. he closed the gap between you two, lips pressed against eachother, just as you started to kiss back, he pulled away with a quiet smack, only giving you a small peck. you chuckled, hand leaving his waist and to the back of his head, fingers pulling at his hair. “come on, baby. you can do more than that..”
he nods, closing the gap again. he was still gentle, nervous to do something wrong, but with you now guiding him, he felt more confident. you bit on his lip, making him moan against you. you could never get enough of his noises, instantly trying to find ways to hear more. he squirmed, hips moving in circles subconsciously. you joined him, moaning as he grinded against you.
he sucked your bottom lip in, hands moving from your chest to your face. he cupped your cheeks, holding you still as you licked. his mouth opened as he let go and you took the opportunity, tongue meeting his. he moaned again, hips bucking against yours. your right hand gripped his hips, guiding them back and forth while you played with his hair. both of you echoed eachothers noises, muffled by your lips. you pulled away.
“you’re good at this..” you huffed, weirdly out of breath for something as simple as making out. you looked at his lips, shimmering. when you looked back up into his eyes, you found he was watching you intently, pupils blown. you smiled.
“you like it?” he asked. you chuckled. you did like it and he should be able to feel how much you like it just as you felt him. either way, you nod, pulling him closer again. his eyes fluttered shut, lips just barely grazing eachother.
“i love it, sweetheart.” you couldn’t get enough. his hips rolled against yours and his hand moved back to your hair. you were throbbing in your pants, but you couldn’t imagine pulling away. his slacks were almost rough against your sweatpants, fabric constricting his thighs. you quickly unbuckled his belt. he pulled your hair, making you gasp.
“i just wanna kiss. is that okay?” your eyebrows furrowed, mouth hung open as you nodded. he kissed again, picking up exactly where you left off. your groin felt warm as you witnessed dominance in him. you would have felt proud if it weren’t trumped by pleasure. he toyed with your hair, making you whimper.
never in your entire life have you been this turned on by making out. it almost felt like a chore to you most of the time, but now you couldn’t get enough. you could feel him, through his uniform, the nametag in his pocket prodding. the feeling heated you. knowing he was ex-communicated, that he’s all yours, only made you want more. you needed to teach him everything. you needed him to know how to please you and only you. he let go of your hair and you grabbed his wrist.
“fuck, keep pulling it..” you whined. he nods, yanking it. you whimper, gripping his hip harder as he did it. you looked at him, seeing a look on his face you could only describe as corrupted. he wanted more, just like you did. he wanted to hear you and feel you, desperate for it. his eyes were darker than you’ve seen them, glancing over you as he thought of what to do next.
the gap closed. your hands ran up and down his body, sliding over the button up. you untucked it, fingers running over his bare skin now. he moaned, squeezing his fist and pulling again to hear you respond. you did, squeezing his side. his skin was soft, almost silky. you pawed and caressed him as he grinded down on you. it was addicting. the push and pull, constantly grasping at eachother for more.
his free hand retreated from your face, running down your chest. you groan as he begins palming you, experimenting with his touches as you writhed under him. it was overwhelming. you needed more but you couldn’t handle it. everything was warm and he was moaning against you. his fingers tugged at your hair with just the right pressure. you fucking loved it. you loved him.
you trembled, moaning into his mouth as he did the same. you throbbed, cumming in your pants. he kept moving, hips stuttering as he came at the same time. you both sounded pathetic, high pitched whines and moans as he grinded down. his thighs trembled, your hips bucking up into him.
he pulled away, panting. you buried your face in his neck, still rutting into him as you finished. your arms wrapped around him and you pulled him close, basking in his warmth. it took a while before the wetness in your underwear made itself more apparent and you realized what happened.
“shit, shit.. it’s okay.” you quickly adjusted him until he got off. he watched as you looked around, trying to find something to wipe off with. “fuck, it’s fine. let’s just.. let’s get cleaned up.”
“what’s wrong?” he asked as you rushed to your room. you grabbed a rag from the bathroom, wetting it, before you grabbed whatever underwear and pants were clean. “y/n, what’s wrong?”
“don’t be embarassed, baby.” you comforted, ignoring the fact that he wasn’t even embarassed. you kept mumbling comforting phrases as you cleaned him and yourself up. you dressed him, putting him in a pair of your underwear and pants.
“thank you.” he said slowly as you dressed yourself. you didn’t respond, instead grabbing up all the dirty clothes and throwing it in the wash, desperate to get rid of any evidence that anything happened.
don’t get it twisted, you weren’t embarrassed about making out, at least not that much, but you were utterly humiliated by cumming in your pants. you never thought it would happen. you almost struggled to cum when you were with girls, why would you cum prematurely with a guy?
you found your way back to the couch, sitting on the opposite end as you realized he put another movie in. this time, it was the lion king. you didn’t really watch, though. instead, you stared straight forward in shock. he turned to you.
“is everything okay?” you nod. he scoots a little closer, reaching his hand out and touching your thigh. you looked away, hiding your face in your palm. “i don’t know why you would be, but don’t be embarassed. i’m sure everyone’s done it before. i did it, too!”
you wanted to cry. he tried to comfort you the same way you did for him. his voice was so gentle, it hurt. you loved him. even though you tried to convince yourself you were confused and horny, it settled in. he was perfect and you loved him. he patted your leg and pulled away, settling on the opposite end as scar was introduced.
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i love seeing all the pornstar!aus y’all write and this is not me calling anyone out saying y’all did anything wrong but as someone who has done online sw/been in porn, here are some little tips to make your fics more industry-accurate!! (or don’t, fanfic is for fun and doesn’t have to be realistic!!)
so i worked with a small indie producer who wrote, filmed, edited, and posted all his own shit so i don’t know how big porn sites do their stuff. i also did fetish porn so i’m not familiar with condom/sti testing protocol since i never had sex with anyone on camera!!
normally, i’d show up in comfy clothes and light makeup and change my clothes/touch up my makeup and hair there and i always brought multiple outfit choices to see what worked best (i.e. if my clothes needed to be easily removable, if there was a plot i needed to adhere to)
i personally got paid $200/video but bigger name companies pay better AND if you are a desirable model with a big following, you can charge more - i was a nobody when i started and never felt a need to charge more
lots of paperwork!! you have to show your i.d. and basically sign papers saying that you consented to all acts performed, you consented to being filmed, and that you were properly compensated
90% of models never use their real name in videos, but fellow models usually know one another’s real names, because you usually only use that fake name when the camera is rolling
before a shoot, the director will usually refresh you on the “plot” (if there is one) and what is supposed to happen in the video, remind you and the other model(s) to use stage names, and remind you of one another’s boundaries before hitting record
when the camera is off, you’re covered — even if you’re tied up, someone will usually drape a blanket or towel over you so that you aren’t unnecessarily nude to prevent discomfort — being naked on camera is different than just being awkwardly naked in a room full of people lol
the producer i worked with is like, my friend, and i consider most of the models i worked with as friends/acquaintances so it really isn’t weird to be close with people you meet in the industry, or even date/fuck them (although i haven’t done that personally but i’ve seen it happen!!)
so, that’s all that comes to mind!! if you wanna write pornstar!aus i think they can be so fun, so i hope this post can help inspire you or just feel more confident tackling a topic you might not be familiar with and feel weird googling questions about, lol.
#ophelia’s posts#idk how to even tag this lol so i think i maybe just. Won’t so it doesn’t get flagged as n/s/f/w:
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As a longtime member of the fandom "Adults that still watch animation" I feel like Hazbin passes as a full-on teens/kinds show because of it's artstyle and how it looks on marketing and promotion. Sure we're getting animation for adults™ in this day and age. But it either looks like like aesthetic realism( anime, arcane, spiderverse) or generic 2000's adult show (bigmouth, southpark, american dad)
Hazbin sticks to a true cartoon style in the vein of the 90's-2000's era of Nickelodeon and CN. characters have exaggerated proprtions, elaborate designs, flowy bubbly movements. So it's looks like something antween-teen woud watch until we get to see Angel Dust getting rammed by a couple of pornstars.
what I'm trying to say is... good on Hazbin for being a show for adults that still evocates a disticnt style of animation.
Especially since it has a specific style of animation we haven't really seen since the 2000s. It's really nice to see an adult animation take more ques from the rest of animation's history.
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Who is(or are) your favorite pornstar(s)?
The gay for pay fella who got shot and paralyzed from waist down and died sometime later but apparently had a touching moment of reconnecting with his estranged son.
Okay no I have another answer. Paul Morgan, who did gay and straight porn in like the 90s to early 00s, was completely preposterous in everything, rapped in one of the scenes, and then vanished. I find this inspirational.
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I'm enjoying the show but the fandom is extremely annoying. never saw a fandom being so intense in the hate for some characters (Criston and Alicent) while at the same time loving someone like Daemon and acting like Rhaenyra can do now wrong. All twitter is full of Alicent-Criston haters, I even saw pèople calling the actor who plays Criston ugly, just because they don't like his character. the fandom is kinda ruining the show for me tbh. if you dont love Rhaenyra they just insult you.
Oh believe me, I've been in the thick of it - I see you, anon.
And there's a ton, TON, of bot activity in the discourse, especially artifically boosting Team Black and Rhaenyra. A simple stan tweet with pictures of D'arcy gets 5K likes within an hour ...
That traction is as artificial as a 90's pornstar's tits.
The problem also is that there are a lot of normies that never read any of the books - not just "Fire and Blood" but "A Song of Ice and Fire" and "Dunk and Egg". So they don't know that Rhaeynra's story is a monster's tale.
Rhaenyra, by the end of it all, becomes evil with a capital "E". She is one of the worst Targaryens to ever - EVER - sit the Iron Throne.
For context, in the books, when Joffery is running amok in King's Landing, Tyrion schools Cersei on the history of Rhaenyra Targaryen and how Viserys let her do whatever she wanted, placated every sin - cut out the tongues of men that called her children bastards. And the result was a belief by the realm that her children were bastards - "If you cut out a man's tongue than the entire world will know that you're afraid of what he has to say" - and, worst of all, Rhaenyra - like Joffery - believed that she could do whatever she wants whenever she wants and to whom ever she wanted. Because her father let her.
The results was the entirety of King's Landing rising up against her, the mob killing most of the dragons, tearing apart her son, and wounding her dragon to nearly the death as she fled from the capital.
Tyrion, Tywin, Daenarys, and Egg (Aegon V) all remember Rhaenyra as a monster and pure evil - on par with Maegor.
If I was the show runner I'd be scared shitless at the discourse, because, they're setting themselves up for another Season 8 disaster if they don't tamper down this "Rhaenyra is the hero", "Rhaenyra is Punk Rock!" ... cause by the end of The Dance of Dragons these same stans are gonna decry this show when Rhaenyra becomes full on Evil and starts having Alicent raped nightly and murdering Helaena's babies in cold blood.
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I said this on my blog, but the ghostface boys would be such shit heads if they got ahold of a vibrator. It’s the 90’s. They’re those corded magic wands they use to make pornstars squirt. That’s what they tie you up and entertain you with when they’re busy murdering your classmates - 👀👉🏻👈🏻
Honestly if they got their hands on a vibrator wand they’d be relentless and again the degradation kink would come out SO bad I’d be fucking feral lmao
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Entry: 2024/14/04
Just letting y’all bitches know rn. I smell like Warm Rum, Tobacco and Apples. My favorite desserts are Root beer floats, Cinnamon rolls, and Churros don’t let nobody tell you otherwise. I have my tattoos hidden from my mom as of rn (it’s a dragon on my hipbone) but would love to get more.
I love anything Passionfruit or Lychee flavored and I’m still not over my 2016 Dolan twin obsession, Always an Ethan girl. My hair is dyed a Wine color and I cover my eyes with a glitter similar to ‘VrSextasy’ by Pat McGrath to match my current work attire.
I dream to become a world renowned author, model, actress and director. I want to host parties bigger than Gatsby’s at clubs and be an it girl of my generation. I want to film series and have a cult like fanbase that defines someone’s life the same way my idols have marked mine.
I get all my clothes from swamp-meets and I talk about Mpreg, pegging men and men crying a shit ton. I have a horrendous problem with posting wtv and I despise copycats without them mentioning me as their inspiration cause bitch ik I am to you? I’ve gained most of my confidence from watching pornstars with similar bodies as to mine getting railed and I cut up my band tees to look hotter. Pairing them with dirty denim and converse cause my older brother always wore converse, …he’s been dead for a few yrs now.
I watch American Horror story, The girl with the dragon tattoo, Teen Titans (OG), and Pretty little liars on repeat and I love artists such as David Neth (tattoo artist), Jean Paul G, Vivienne Westwood, Old Dolce and Gabanna + Christian Dior (designers).
Petra Collins, Cobra Snake, and Jack bridge-land (photographers). Jake Gallagher, Pat McGrath and Erin Parsons (Beauty). Julia Fox, Gabriette Betchel, Alexa Demie, Kali Uchis, Marilyn Monroe, and 90’s punk Angelina Jolie (icons)
Amy Winehouse, THNB, PTV, MCR, Xxxtentacion, Old The Weeknd, Nirvana, Ethel Cain, Dream Ivory, Life on Venus and Evanescence (Music). My favorite flowers are Daturas (moonflowers/devils trumpet) and the Black Dahlia is a murder case that never leaves my mind. I look better in gold and I’m hyper aware of myself all the time. I like winter but hate the cold, I’m scared of the dark and I’m not big on physical touch.
Some random facts to get to know me and hope this is looked back upon to get to know me and how I use to be before I got famous. From my favorite book ever ‘Down the drain’ by Julia Fox, she knew she had the IT factor and that this lifetime was made for her to be famous. Thought by many Rockstars, Supermodels and Generational Icons, I hope to fucking GOD things work for me and I get the life I dream of. I’m going to be the biggest star of the century. Mom and Dad will be happy that their daughter (Me) was the one to get famous in a family of fake stuck ups and fuck ups. And be on all the billboards and have her name be set in pop culture history.
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Jeanna Fine
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no one
1. The Longest Masturbation Session
In 2009, Masanobu Sato won the endurance competition at the annual Masturbate-a-thon fundraiser hosted by San Francisco’s Center for Sex & Culture, an event that first surfaced in the ‘90s to destigmatize solo sex and self-pleasure. What was Sato’s time, you ask? A whopping nine hours and 33 minutes.
Today, however, Sato faces some stiff competition. According to Mel Magazine, 43-year-old Drake Hardy, a “bisexual man with a master’s degree in physical sciences,” is gearing up to break the world record, which has since increased to 10 hours and 10 minutes. Workin’ hard or hardly workin’, eh Drake?
2. The Most Orgasms In One Hour
According to a blog post from sex toy manufacturer Lelo, doctors from the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in California once observed 134 orgasms from a single woman in one hour — the most ever documented. By contrast, the record for men stands at a measly 16 orgasms in the same length of time.
Similarly, in 1966, a woman experienced the longest orgasm on record. It reportedly lasted for 45 seconds and resulted in 25 individual contractions. Sounds like she came for a good time and a long time.
3. The Oldest Pair Of Twin Sex Workers
In 2012, Martine and Louise Fokken, then 70-year-old identical twin sisters and long-time sex workers in Amsterdam’s Red Light District, released their memoirs and a documentary film about their lives entitled Meet The Fokkens, according to the BBC. The Fokken sisters are widely considered to be the oldest twin sex workers in the business, not only in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal, but anywhere in the world. BRB, buying tickets for Sister Act 2: Fokken Me Up, coming to a theater near you.
Additional elderly escorts include a Taipei woman in her 80’s nicknamed “Grandma” and Sheila Vogel-Coupe, considered to be Britain’s oldest prostitute, who is now in her early 90’s.
4. The Largest Natural Breasts
Annie Hawkins-Turner, better known as Norma Stitz (aka enormous t*ts), is the Atlanta-based fetish model and entrepreneur who’s held the Guinness world record for largest breasts since 1999. Now in her 60’s, Hawkins-Turner’s bra size is a 102ZZZ and it’s speculated that each breast weighs anywhere between 55 and 85 pounds. In 2011, Hawkins-Turner appeared on the UK’s This Morning to speak about her experience growing up with such a prominent chest, for which she’s been the victim of relentless bullying and teasing from strangers practically all her life. Of her work in the fetish industry, she told the show’s hosts, “I've shown people that big is beautiful and you can be sexy in your own way.” Team Norma forever.
5. Most Sexual Partners In A 24-Hour Period
The holder of this record is widely considered to be porn star Lisa Sparks (also known as Lisa Sparxxx), who — at an event in Warsaw, Poland — reportedly had sex with 919 individual men back-to-back within a period of 24 hours. No one seems to have been able to out-bang Sparxxx since that fateful day in 2004, so she remains the reigning champ. And frankly, it’s a tall order — there’s not enough lube in the entire solar system to keep the chafing from 900+ partners at bay. We salute you and your steel vagina, Ms. Sparxxx.
6. The Oldest Male Pornstar
At 60, Tokyo-born Shigeo Tokuda retired from his desk job as a travel agent and took up something a little more stimulating: Porn. Now well into his 80’s, Tokuda has starred in more than 350 adult films and is widely considered the “undisputed king of Japanese mature porn.” Flex, king.
7. The Oldest Virgin
In 2011, UK-born secretary Clara Meadmore died a proud virgin just before turning 108. During a public celebration of her 107th birthday, Meadmore reportedly told the press that the key to her longevity was her abstinence. To Meadmore, sex and intimate relationships seemed like “a lot of hassle.” Maybe she was onto something… *texts ex*.
8. The Biggest Collection of Penises
If you’ve got a yen for general erotic art, The World Erotic Art Museum, located in Miami Beach, has thousands of works for you to browse. But if you’re looking specifically for a collection of more than 200 penises, you’re going to need to head to the Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik, Iceland. You’ll see whale penises, you’ll see fox penises, you’ll see penises belonging to characters from Icelandic folklore. This is your one-stop phallus shop. Bring your own condoms.
9. The Largest Orgy
The world record for the largest orgy was broken back in 2006 when 500 naked, writhing bodies came together (in more ways than one) for a sex session in Japan. Since then, the record-holders have proven difficult to de-throne. According to Men’s Health, “Menage Life's Sin City 8 sex festival endeavored to hold the world's largest orgy” in 2018, but logistical difficulties resulted in a sub-par total of 375 people. Better luck next time.
10. The Longest Marriage
Warning: Painfully sweet content ahead! Zelmyra Fisher, born in 1907, and her husband Herbert Fisher, born in 1905, sealed the deal on May 13, 1924 in North Carolina and remained married until Fisher’s death in 2015. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the two had been married 86 years, 9 months, and 16 days as of February 27, 2011. Mawwiage indeed!
11. Most Queefs In 30 Seconds
For those who are less literate in yonic expulsions, a queef is a form of vaginal flatulence, usually accompanied by a fart sound, that escapes the vagina when built-up air pressure is released, especially after or during sex.
In 2009, Howard Stern held a queefing championship, and the results seem to defy all logic and scientific principles. Abby, the winner, reportedly let 93 queefs rip in just one minute for an average of three per second. Truly, an amazing feat. All hail Chief Queef.
12. The Strongest Vagina
13. The Largest Penis
There’s a bit of a dispute about who is the true holder of this coveted record. For many years, New Yorker Jonah Falcon was considered to have the world’s largest penis, clocking in at 9.5 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches when erect. However, in recent years, a challenger from Mexico has come forth named Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, who claims to be the proud owner of a 19-incher. Go long, boys.
14. World’s Longest Kiss
According to Guinness, the longest kiss on record lasted a staggering 58 hours, 35 minutes, and 58 seconds. The love birds in question? Thailand’s own Ekkachai Tiranarat and Laksana Tiranarat. They completed the smooch at an event organized by Ripley's Believe It or Not! in Pattaya, Thailand in 2013. Talk about a marathon makeout sesh.
15. Longest Ejaculation By Distance
The official number on record is 18 feet, 9 inches, reportedly spewed from an American man by the name of Horst Schultz. However, according to a recent Mel Magazine article, these numbers are completely unsubstantiated. It’s not even clear if this Horst Schultz character is a real person or just an urban legend — an Abominable Sperm-man, if you will.
Whether or not he and his record are legit, the lore of Schultz’s ejaculate has inspired one anonymous 35-year-old North Hollywood man to shoot for the stars — or at least the other side of the room. The man, whom Mel Magazine called “Matthew,” is nothing if not dedicated to his craft. His training has whipped his pelvic floor into “prime shape,” through “various exercises.” He’s also employed “electrical muscle stimulation machines that work via anal probe.” To date, Matthew has passed the 5-foot mark with his sperm. When he reaches six, he reportedly plans to contact the Guinness Book of World Records to finally set the record straight. Far out, dude.
16. Greatest Speed Of Ejaculation
This is another record reportedly held by Mr. Schultz, of ejaculation legend. If the numbers are correct, Schultz is responsible for a jet stream of semen traveling at 42.7 miles per hour. Sir, we’re gonna need to see some license and registration, please.
From octogenarian prostitutes to heavy-lifting vaginas, there’s no shortage of amazing things we can do with our bodies. Clearly, that old saying is true: Everybody really is good at something — even if your special talent is rocketing your semen into space.
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HEALTH & WELLNESS
How Much Do You Really Know About Birth Control? Take This Quiz To Find Out
Written by ERIN KELLY
NOVEMBER 6, 2023
HARUKO HAYAKAWA
We get it: Talking about birth control can be awkward. But it’s incredibly important to have those conversations with a healthcare professional, especially if it’s your first time exploring your birth control options.
So, how do you prep for a conversation about your birth control options? Having a list of questions and concerns can be helpful.
Test your knowledge about combination oral contraceptives (COCs) as a first step to learning more. Birth control pills are one of the most commonly prescribed methods to prevent pregnancy, especially COCs, which contain 2 hormone components — an estrogen and progestin. COCs include low-dose birth control pills. We created this quiz below in partnership with the maker of Lo Loestrin® Fe (norethindrone acetate and ethinyl estradiol tablets, ethinyl estradiol tablets and ferrous fumarate tablets), a low-dose birth control pill that provides pregnancy prevention with the lowest daily dose of estrogen available. Take this quiz to see how much you already know about low-dose birth control options, like Lo Loestrin Fe.
Remember, birth control pills may not be right for everyone. In fact, birth control pills increase the risk of serious side effects, such as blood clots, stroke, and heart attack, which can be fatal. Smoking increases these risks, especially if you are over the age of 35. Therefore, women who smoke and are over age 35 should not use birth control pills, like Lo Loestrin Fe. See below for additional Important Risk Information, including Boxed Warning, for Lo Loestrin Fe.
Once you’re finished, schedule an appointment with your OB/GYN to discuss your new findings and ask if low-dose birth control pills may be right for you.
Question 1
All birth control pills have the same amount of daily estrogen.
True
False
Question 2
Low-dose birth control pills work differently than birth control pills that contain larger amounts of estrogen.
True
False
Question 3
Low-dose birth control pills are less effective when it comes to preventing pregnancy.
True
False
Question 4
Taking Lo Loestrin Fe for pregnancy prevention may result in short, lighter periods.
True
False
Question 5
Lo Loestrin Fe is the only available birth control pill with 10 micrograms of daily estrogen.
True
False
There is a lot to love about Lo Loestrin Fe. Learn more about Lo Loestrin Fe before talking to your doctor by clicking here.
What is Lo Loestrin® Fe (norethindrone acetate and ethinyl estradiol tablets, ethinyl estradiol tablets and ferrous fumarate tablets)?
Lo Loestrin® Fe is a prescription birth control pill used for the prevention of pregnancy. If you are moderately obese, discuss with your healthcare provider whether Lo Loestrin Fe is appropriate for you.
IMPORTANT RISK INFORMATION
Please see the full Prescribing Information, including Boxed Warning, and Patient Information.
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Brought to you by AbbVie, maker of Lo Loestrin® Fe
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Top 5's if you please...
Musical genres
Movies
Pornstars
Fruits
Some of those will be harder than others.
Musical Genres - The 60s (not technically a genre, but you know what I mean). Show tunes. 90s music that you were supposed to listen to on ecstasy. Terrible pop music from the 80s. Disco.
Movies - This one's gonna be tough, because it's like a 500-way tie for first, but here are the first five that come to mind. The Princess Bride. Frozen 2. Hot Fuzz. Twelve Angry Men. Clue.
Pornstars - Hmmmm ... Jasmine Webb. Aurora Snow. Heather Harmon. Kira Noir. Bobbi Starr.
Fruits - Nectarines. Mangoes. Watermelon. Strawberries. Peaches.
Thanks for the ask.
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Laurent, 22, North Florida
"I honestly use it as a way to connect with people via music , i love to see what sort of art people make of songs and themes and tour fits , i love reading people break down lyrics incredibly beautifully , i love seeing people’s edits and videos and pictures from shows and i really just love all the genuine creativity and passion that most everyone brings to the community !!! it feels like seeing someone you’ve walked a long road with and we’re finally getting to share this beautiful and incredible experience together despite how hard it’s been and making something we can share and enjoy together !!!! idk im rambling haha i love mcr fans"
Fast Facts:
How long have you been a fan?: 9+ years
Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR
How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 1
Favorite album: I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love
Show experience out of 10: 10
Did you cry at your show?: I'm still crying right now
Which date of the tour did you attend?
09/18/22, Ameris Bank Amphitheatre, Alpharetta
When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab?
So i originally had tickets to the Midtown Atlanta tickets and they had been completely refunded bc the show was cancelled and i ended up putting my money into rent for the month … i had NO clue they rescheduled until someone told me at work and i bought my tickets the next pay day LITERALLY two days before the show lmao
Did you attend with anyone else?
yes , she’s my bestie and my roommate and i got her into my chem earlier this year :D
If you camped out, how was that experience? Was it worth it?
i didn’t but i DID drive eight hours there and eight hours back in one day/night !!!!
What did you wear?
i wore a cropped my chem shirt with roses that said “on second thought let’s all be friends” and mesh under it with all of my heavy jewelry on and big spiky eyeliner .. i opted out on wearing platforms but i wore my huge combat boots and my slutty concert pants i wear lmao
Where were your seats?
we were in a stadium so i was up in the seats but sect 102 and i would say we were decently centered maybe leaning more towards ray’s side
What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show?
Vampires Will Never Hurt You, Bury Me in Black, Boy Division, Cemetery Drive, and Give ‘Em Hell, Kid UGHGGHHGH
What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it?
i got to hear most of them!!! i was hoping for Vampire Money and manifesting Demolion Lovers (ik it was a stretch) as well as This Is How I Disappear but !!! overall very very happy , i'm blessed to have at least gotten Vampires and Skylines :’)
What was your favorite moment from the show?
i actually have two 1) when Gerard was talking abt how “alpharetta” was a funny name then trailed into an “alpha dog” bit and we started barking 2) THERE WAS THIS CAMERA ANGLE ON GERARD DURING THE “LA LA LA LAA” THAT WAS JUST FUCKING FERAL INSANE
What was the most unexpected moment from the show?
it’s gonna sound so basic i think but before they played helena he started hyping up the crowd with these different “woah’s” and we would woah back at him until it eventually went into Helena and it just made me gasp like “:0 :D !”
Did you snag any merch? What pieces?
YES my lovely bestie bought 90% of it for me but i got the gay pornstar shirt and the castle shirt , a set of buttons with the decay theme (?) , a swarm tour poster , and the white swarm tapestry :3 we also got some reusable shakers from the bar but they were just clear
Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show?
i wouldn’t say coming home but more of like “oh my fucking god i made it this far , i never thought i would get to live to see this and i’m finally doing it and seeing this band that makes music that has saved me” anyways i cried basically the whole concert BUT seeing all the flashlights and hearing us all scream our lungs raw and chant MCR before they come on …. it’s very unifying and very comforting i would say
If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be?
there was this 6’4” guy built like a football player directly in front of us who stood the whole show
Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way?
honestly i feel way more passionately about mcr than i have in years .. my show was mid september and it’s been a month now and i can like ONLY listen to them , i still think of my concert when i hear songs from the set list … if anything i saw that the guys were genuinely doing something they enjoy in a comfortable way again (?) where they can have fun and be silly and express themselves and that just makes me so happy for them , i hope they had a really fun time bc i know they made sure we did :)
What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future?
idk if it’s relevant but the venue i went to ONLY accepted card which was something i’ve never experienced at a venue before lmao ? anyways buy your tickets a little earlier in advance than me maybe
Thanks, Laurent! His Tumblr handle is @vmpirefkcr.
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