#ALSO AGAIN THOUSAND APOLOGIES FOR ACCIDENTALLY DELETING THE FIRST ONE HOPE THIS OKAY LOVE YOU | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

katasstrophy · 1 year

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he did so!! it was so cute!! I love horror too so it was fun!! But the funniest part was when we were walking out he got a text from Isagi and co. to come to this sports bar to watch Noel Noa's game that night. Rin rolled his eyes and huffed while I lightly bullied him to agree bc damn does he need friends. What finally got him to agree was me getting down on one knee and 'proposing' to him to take me with him to the sports bar to romantically watch a football game together~ and it caused .2/3

OMG NONNIE DEAR IM SO SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THE FIRST PART OF UR ASK WITHOUT ELABORATING ON ANYTHING ASJSHSBDKD IM A DUMBASS BUT I HAVE A PICTURE OF IT THANKFULLY PLS FORGIVE MY SILLY SAUSAGE FINGERS !! 😔🙏

1/3:

2/3:

the ask up top!! ^^^^

3/3:

Rin so much secondhand embarrassment, he grabbed me by my arm, flustered and annoyed as all hell, and dragged me away but not before I screamed, "HE SAID YES!! :DDD" Boy was gonna throttle me. But we went to the sports bar!! He met up with friends and got to bully people lightly and talked football strategies with Isagi while I fed him nachos!! Told Bachira about our date and getting Rin to the bar, and he said 'wowwww Rin might actually kill you' 'I know man it's gonna be so hot' .3/3

i hope this isn’t too confusing i tried my best to remedy the situation again i’m really sorry :(( but !!!

omg that is saaauurrr cute. rinnie baby dating someone who’s just as into horror as he is waaahhh that’s some it couple energy right there <3 i’d bet y’all would try to find the most obscure horror films once you both get bored of the mainstream stuff lol. the biggest question before movie night starts is do you actually wanna feel the adrenaline (because ppsshhh you don’t get scared nuh uh🙄) or make fun of the shitty jump scares iconic.

(i can’t do horror for the life of me but i’m rooting for y’all!! i can just be his true crime girlie<3 which rin would find so strange and weird he’d be like “so you get scared from fictional murderers but real life murderers are okay?” “well i guess if you put it like that yeah” “…. what’s wrong with you” LMAO)

OMG NOT THE PROPOSAL PLS HE’D HATE IT SO MUCH (lie he hates that he’s blushing because he secretly loves your weird ass antics). pls he needs someone to gently coax him out of his comfort zone 🥺 like yeah his quote on quote friends are loud and stupid and blablabla but he can suffer through it spend time with them<3 my fave part was definitely the ‘i know man it’s gonna be so hot’ IM CRYING nonnie you get it yeah absolutely. rin being mad just does something to me ya know 🥴 i think it’s the eyes and how dead and uninteresting they look 😍 yummmm amiright?? ;))) (no he loves you so much okay he just has the emotional intelligence of a lamppost cut him some slack)

#—ping! new message from (anon)#damn the dream department in my brain really needs to step up its game bc it’s might i say lukewarm what they have going on aayyeee ;))#absolutely adorbs anon <3 i ship u and rinnie teehee #ALSO AGAIN THOUSAND APOLOGIES FOR ACCIDENTALLY DELETING THE FIRST ONE HOPE THIS OKAY LOVE YOU #rin loml <3 #—bllk.thoughts!#blue lock x reader #itoshi rin x reader

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sdottkrames · 3 years

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The World was Wide Enough

@comfortember prompt 8: lashing out

Summary: Peter finds out about Siberia. He’s not very happy about the way Captain America treated his dad mentor. So when he gets hurt on patrol and it’s Cap who comes to help him? Some words are said.

Notes: I’ve had this idea in my head for a long long time, and finally worked up the nerve to do it. I hope y’all like it!

Also, I do NOT hate Steve. I hated Civil War and how they portrayed Tony with a passion, but I adore Steve Rogers with all my heart. Mkay?

Read on AO3: Here

Peter hadn’t meant to hear. He was simply walking by and heard Tony’s voice. He sounded agitated and Peter had just wanted to see if he was okay.

“Listen, guys, I appreciate you apologizing, but what’s done is done. Give it a rest.” Tony said.

“I just...I’m sorry, Tony.” That was Steve. What were they talking about?

“I am as well. Tony, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know they were your parents,” Bucky said.

Now Peter was feeling guilty standing there. He definitely wasn’t supposed to hear this conversation. But like a train wreck, he couldn’t look away.

“Barnes, it was mind control. I’m not saying we’re going to be best friends, but I don’t want to kill you anymore, so it’s a start, alright? Here.” Tony pressed a button and a video pulled onto screen. It played for a second, the sounds of fighting filling Peter’s ears. It took a moment to register that it was Tony and Steve and Bucky fighting. Tony paused the video and clicked delete, but not before it showed Steve drive his shield into Tony’s chest. “There. I’ve been meaning to do that. It’s cathartic, you know. Miracle of forgiveness and all that. Now go. And stop apologizing. We’re cool.”

But Peter was anything but.

His ears were still ringing with the clank of a shield slamming into an arc realtor, his eyes so full of Tony’s scarred, crumpled body, too similar to another scarred, crumpled body from years earlier.

Steve and Bucky turned towards the door, meeting Peter’s eyes, and realizing for the first time that he was there. They’d never seen the normally mild, kind boy look so angry. Their hearts dropped as they realized just what he had seen, how it looked, how it had made him feel.

“How. Dare. You,” Peter spit out before turning on his heel without a second glance behind him at the others who were staring at his retreating back in shock.

***

Peter flipped over the gate at the front of the school, and rushed into a nearby alleyway to change into his Spider-Man suit. The feeling of the suit instantly calmed his anxious energy.

Gosh, he loved being Spider-Man, especially when it allowed him to avoid thinking.

Peter had been avoiding Captain America ever since accidentally seeing the video a few weeks ago, when his world had been shattered. The kind Cap who had taught him how to cook and made him laugh with funny stories had morphed into a cold, heartless man who had nearly killed Tony. Tony might’ve forgiven Cap, but he’d had five years to work that out. Peter was still angry.

Realizing he had worked himself up again with his train of thought, Peter firmly yanked his mask over his head to focus on being Spider-Man.

“Good afternoon, Peter.”

“Hey Karen,” Peter said, grateful for the distraction and friendly voice. “Whatcha got for me today?”

“There’s a robbery happening at that electronics store on 69th street,” she answered.

“Lead the way!” Peter shot a web and followed the route Karen projected to him.

It was a routine, even simple job. Two shots of his web, a couple trademark snappy one-liners, and Peter was out of there. He’d even gotten some free headphones from the store owner.

Then he’d helped a young girl find her mom, rescued a dog that had fallen down a storm drain (the dog’s name was Mina, and she was very cute. Mina’s owner had been beyond grateful), and stopped three different muggings. Overall, it had been a pretty awesome night. Peter was just about to head home when everything went south.

“Peter, there appears to be a lady in distress in an alleyway between 75 and 76th streets,” Karen said. “Would you like me to direct you there?”

“Yeah. I’ll go help, then let the police handle any more situations.”

He should’ve just gone home.

Peter got a few good webs in. He surprised the two muggers, and the lady used his entrance as a chance to grab her purse and run away.

“I’d say see you around, but I honestly hope I won’t,” he quipped to the men stuck on the wall. He was about to shoot a web to swing out and let the police take care of the two criminals, but stopped as a tingle raced down his spine. It was too late. Before he could move, a gunshot tore through the alleyway.

Instantly, pain exploded in Peter’s right shoulder. He turned to see the gunman, a nondescript man wearing a hat to shadow his face. Peter forced back the nausea and pain to web him up next to his friends.

“Shooting people in the back? Not cool man,” he said, gritting his teeth and swinging to the top of a nearby building before collapsing against the wall. “Karen,” he gasped. “Call Tony!”

Peter was starting to see spots. He could feel the blood coming from his shoulder and the pain was radiating all over.

“Pete!” Friday must have alerted him already, because Tony's voice was frantic. “Hang on, buddy. I’m coming, okay? Just sit tight. I’m on my way!”

“It hurts.”

“I know. I know. Just hang on.”

Tony's panicked voice was interrupted by another one, equally as panicked.

“Peter?” Steve Rogers stood on the rooftop, staring in shock and worry at the boy slumped against the wall.

“Is that Steve?” Tony asked.

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.”

“Wait, no, Pete!” Tony called, but Peter had already hung up.

“What’re you doing here?” Peter glared at Steve, the anger seeping in and turning his voice into daggers.

“I was out following a lead on a hydra base when I got a notification from Friday saying you were hurt and I-“

“You what?” Peter asked harshly. “Thought that you’d play hero and I’d just forget about the fact that you never cared about me, or about Tony!” Peter was crying now, and he thoughtlessly tried to wipe the tears away, but cried out as the movement made a sharp stab of pain shoot through his whole body. The pain became too much, and Peter started slipping into darkness. Steve’s frantic face was the last thing he saw before he was totally unconscious.

***

“-wouldn’t let me anywhere near him. Tony, I need you to know that I’m sorry. I never meant for a rift like that to happen.”

Peter heard Tony sigh, heard the rustle as he ran his hands through his hair. “Listen, capsicle, I know. We’ve put that behind us. I’ll talk to the kid. He just...he lost his dad and his uncle before, and I think he’s a little protective. He’ll come around, though. He won’t admit it cause he’s nearly as stubborn as I was at his age, but I can tell he misses you.”

“Okay.” Steve sounded dejected, and Peter’s head and heart declared war.

On the one hand, it killed Peter to hear the man he’d admired for so long sound so dejected and to know that he was the cause of Steve’s distress. He never wanted to hurt anybody, let alone one of his heroes who had become family.

On the other, Peter’s head was holding tenaciously to his absolute loyalty to Tony, and the anger and hurt he felt that Steve, his “uncle” Steve, his hero had nearly killed his dad. Because, honestly, wasn’t that what Tony was at this point? There was no use denying it anymore. And Peter just couldn’t lose another father.

As he battled within himself, he heard Steve leave, and Tony came and sat in the chair beside his bed.

“I know you’re awake.”

Shoot.

“Playing dead isn’t going to stop this conversation from happening, Peter.”

He opened his eyes.

“Yeah, hi. First off, how are you feeling?” Tony's voice softened.

“Hurts, but I’m feeling better,” Peter said, wincing as he shifted into a more upright position.

“Careful there,” Tony fussed. “Don’t pop a stitch. Cho says you are incredibly lucky. The bullet hit just the right spot to miss the bones and arteries, so you should be alright in, oh, a day or two.”

“Okay.”

“Second, that's for scaring me!” Tony hit the back of Peter's head gently. “And third,” Peter looked away, but Tony gently pulled his face back to look into his eyes. His voice was incredibly gentle. “You need to let it go with Cap, okay? The guy’s apologized about 30 times to me, and i know he’s only refrained from apologizing to you because he doesn’t have a phone and you’ve been avoiding him like the plague.”

Peter couldn’t deny it.

“I’ve forgiven him, okay?” Tony continued. “Now, and I know it’ll take some time, and you are entitled to that time, but now you need to forgive him, too. I wasted too much time holding onto anger and grudges. I don’t want you to go through that.”

Peter felt the tears running down his cheeks, leaving a scalding trail, and Tony gently wiped them. Peter gave a small nod.

“Okay, Tony.”

A noise from the doorway made both of them look up. Steve was standing there, looking unsure of himself as he shuffled from one foot to the other.

Shooting Peter a look, Tony stood up. “I’m going to go get some coffee. I’ll be back in a little bit.” He patted Steve’s shoulder as he left, and gently pushed him towards the bed.

Peter was suddenly very interested in the plain blue hospital sheets that had been there for years, and he picked at them for a couple heavy seconds before taking a breath.

“You can come in and sit down, Steve,” he said softly.

“Thanks.”

The chair squeaked as Steve sat down, and for some reason, it made Peter smile. He looked at Steve and saw a matching smile forming in response on the older hero’s face. At the small, mundane moment, something unlocked inside Peter.

It’s said that a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, or that forever is made up of tiny moments. That tiny moment was the first step, and Peter took a breath as he began to let go of the anger he’d been holding on to for weeks and let himself face it.

“Listen, Steve, I should’ve come and talked to you before. I was just so angry, and afraid.”

“I understand.” Steve’s voice was so soft and gentle, and Peter felt the last of the fight leave him. “I know that you lost your father and your uncle, and it kills me to know that I was almost the reason you lost another one. I’m so sorry.”

Peter measured his next words carefully, searching himself to make sure he really meant them. “I forgive you. I forgive you, Steve. If you and Tony are good, then we’re good.” Peter hesitated. “Or we will be. I mean, I’d like to try. If you can forgive me, too?”

Steve didn’t hesitate. “Of course I do, Pete. And I’d like to try, as well. I’ve missed our cooking classes.”

Peter smiled, and ever so carefully moved over a little. He patted the bed next to him and Steve, eyes as big as saucers, climbed in slowly, mindful not to jostle Peter’s wound. Peter leaned into his side.

“I’ve missed you, too, Uncle Steve.”

Tears filled Steve’s eyes at the name, which he hadn’t heard for weeks. His heart swelled, knowing they really were on the way to forgiveness.

Soon, Peter was snoring softly, the pain and medication dragging him back into unconsciousness quickly. Steve was trapped, immobilized by the common knowledge that one does not move when a puppy (or would Peter be more of a kitten?) falls asleep on you. But Steve didn’t mind. He was just grateful to have his nephew back again.

#comfortember #comfortember 2020 #mine #i love my iron dad and spidey son #Peter and Steve friendship needs to be more common #oh captain my captain

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wardencommanderrodimiss · 6 years

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Klavier releases a new single and part of it features Taka's screeches as part of the song, Apollo thinks it's weird but it's hailed as artistic and avant garde.

Hey did you remember this ask from a month ago because I did and here’s the payoff.

“No.”

“It would be hilarious.”

“No.”

“You let Fräulein Cykes talk you into making him an Instagram.”

“That is different.”

“And a Twitter.”

“That is also–”

“Just say that you like her more than me, ja? I won’t be offended.”

“You should already know that I like her more than I like you.”

“I should have expected that.”

“Do you not have work to be doing, Gavin-dono?”

“I do not. I have nothing better to do than bother you. I imagine the Fräulein would quite enjoy some photos of our dear Herr Birdie in a recording studio for his insta, ja?”

“You are not going to ask her–”

“It is far too late; I texted her ten minutes ago.”

“You are an absurdity of the likes of which I have only ever seen on a witness stand or the defense’s bench. What compels you to be as you are?”

“In general, or specifically why I want my next single to feature Herr Taka?”

“Yes.”

“There are too many music critics with heads so far up their own asses that they can taste the prohibitively expensive wine which they drank with lunch, whose superiority complexes have bid them to dismiss every song I have ever written simply because teenage girls like me, and I want them to be crushed under the weight of their own pretentiousness as their alleged artistic sensibilities struggle to reconcile the avant-garde aspect of featuring a bird of prey on a track with the fact that I was once the lead singer for a boyband.”

Klavier waits, his elbows propped up on Simon’s desk, grinning at him, waiting for any sort of reaction. The seconds tick by as Simon, staring past Klavier, slowly blinks once and refocuses his eyes on him. He blinks again. Klavier is still grinning.

“You are not… actually going to bring him into a recording studio, are you?”

“Of course I am. I am an artiste.”

“You are a witless lunatic.”

Apollo has not had time to close the door of the office behind him before Trucy, bouncing, has appeared in front of him with a grin on her face to inform him, “Prosecutor Gavin put out a new single!”

“Uh-huh,” Apollo says, trying to feign disinterest, which is difficult given the special powers of every single other person who inhabits the office. Athena has appeared in the doorway, grinning at him. She doesn’t stop grinning, either, and her expression doesn’t waver in the slightest, like some static image at home on the poster for a horror movie. “Athena, why are you grinning like that?”

“No reason,” she says, and her smile reappears larger than ever.

“Uh-huh,” he says. He decides to ignore her. “Have you listened to it yet, Trucy?”

“No, I was waiting for you, since it just came out this morning!”

“Don’t these things usually happen at midnight?” Apollo asks before he realizes that knowing this fact probably does not help his intended image of appearing disinterested in the music industry and Prosecutor Gavin’s career.

Trucy shrugs. Athena has not stopped grinning. “Stop making that face,” Apollo says.

“No,” Athena says, through her teeth, her smile still plastered across her face.

“You look like Professor Means.”

“Augh!” That did it. Her face twists like she is trying to get peanut butter out of her mouth, massaging the remains of the smile out. “That’s mean, Apollo, that’s really mean.”

“It’s Means, I think you mean,” Trucy says, expertly dodging the smack that Athena aims for her arm. “Have you heard it yet, Athena?”

“No,” she says, now looking like she is trying to stifle the smile that is again spreading across her face.

“You’re lying,” Apollo and Trucy say in unison.

“Ooh, Athena, do you know something about this?” Trucy asks, bouncing again as she makes her way over to her laptop.

“No.”

“I don’t even need my bracelet to tell that you’re lying now,” Apollo says.

“Is this finally the love confession for Apollo that all his music from the past year has been building up to?” Trucy asks.

“The what,” Apollo says.

Trucy waves a dismissive hand at him. “I’ll explain later; I have charts to back me up.”

“You have what,” Apollo says.

“If it is that,” Athena says, “then he didn’t tell me.”

“What did he tell you?” Trucy asks.

“Just play the stupid song,” Apollo says.

“Finally!” Widget crows and Athena slaps her hand over her necklace.

If Apollo were to admit it, which he won’t, most of Prosecutor Gavin’s music isn’t bad. Some of it isn’t to Apollo’s tastes, especially not at the cacophony of a live concert, but all of the Gavinners albums are at least okay in places, and the solo stuff is better. And it’s probably good for his sanity that he thinks so, because every time a new single drops, Trucy plays it on loop for at least a week and never ever uses headphones.

He sort of hopes she won’t do that with this one though, because it’s just… weird. Not Klavier’s usual style, inasmuch as there has been a coherent thread between his solo releases, and not to Apollo’s liking. Trucy is bobbing her head though, tapping the desk as they huddle around the laptop, and Athena is the one bouncing on her heels now. “What’s that sound that keeps coming up?” Apollo asks when he’s turned it over in his brain enough to decide that whatever the hell is going on in the background mixing is neither an instrument that he knows nor a normal human sound.

“Shh!” Trucy hisses, and her frown means that he’s earned himself a second loop of the song for talking through part of it.

About twenty seconds later, he asks, “Is that some sort of bird?”

“Looklook look!” Athena has an arm around his neck in a second, pulling Trucy close with the other, and she shoves her phone under their noses. “Look!”

“That’s a bird in front of a microphone,” Trucy says, a little confused and probably more disgruntled that Athena is now talking over the music too.

“That’s… that’s not Taka, is it?” Apollo asks. His head is starting to hurt.

“It’s Taka!” Athena drops her phone on the laptop keyboard and does a hopping dance around the desk. “Taka’s a singer now! Look!” She wedges herself in between them again to swipe through more pictures on her phone, the first eight of which are the first picture from slightly different angles, with Taka barely having moved. There’s one that is obviously a candid with Klavier talking to someone off-camera to the left, his guitar in hands, Taka on his shoulder; another with Klavier doubled over laughing at something, Taka halfway out of the frame, Simon standing off to the left staring straight at the camera with the barest hint of a smirk on his face; Klavier sitting on an amp, Taka perched on the head of the guitar. A selfie of Athena making a peace sign in front of a shelf of shiny awards; a wobbly picture obviously not taken by Athena because the subject is her grinning and poking one of the trophies. A video looking to be taken accidentally, unfocused angled at the ground as Klavier’s voice comes from somewhere: “–murdered with that as the weapon they will find your fingerprints and arrest you for it.”

“Then we spent like twenty minutes talking about what the best murder weapon in the room would be,” Athena adds.

“It looks like you had fun,” Trucy says. Apollo can hear the jealousy seeping into her voice and Athena’s head jerks up in alarm.

“I was only there because Prosecutor Gavin told me about the idea of having Taka on the track, so that I could help convince Simon, but then it turned out that Simon agreed because - something about spite, I don’t know what they were saying - and then I blackmailed him into letting me come to the recording session too because otherwise I could tell the world about his upcoming single. I’m sure if you wanted to see the place you could ask him! I’ve wanted to tell you guys about this for like a month!”

Apollo has a sinking feeling that Trucy won’t be the one overplaying the song, but rather Athena instead will. This suspicion only intensifies when she retrieves her phone to show them the last of the pictures, which includes a selfie of the four of them, Taka perched on Athena’s head, and at least two dozen more of Taka from various angles, in front of a microphone, on the amp, on the guitar, doing absolutely nothing, scratching his head, sleeping. “I was going to delete some of these,” Athena says, “the ones that are basically the same as others, but then Simon asked me to send all of them to him and I didn’t get around to it.”

“I can’t believe Prosecutor Blackquill’s pet bird is now a rock star,” Apollo mutters. “I can’t believe Gavin featured a bird on one of his songs.”

“Believe it!” Trucy says. “And since you talked through it, we will be listening again. Hey! Don’t walk away! Polly! Get back here!”

Apollo sighs.

“What are these papers?” Simon slowly lifts the offending stack from his desk, gingerly rifling through as though he expects a threat to spring from the pages.

“Reviews,” Klavier says, “of my new hit single. These are all the ones that said artistic or avant-garde. I highlighted every instance for you.”

Simon sets the papers back down and slowly shakes his head. “A question for you now,” Klavier says. “Is it you or Fräulein Cykes who runs Herr Taka’s insta?”

“She does.”

“I will have to apologize for her for being inundated with follower notifications.”

“What do you mean?”

“I tagged the account in my latest post.” Klavier holds his phone up to Simon, showing a picture of him with his guitar and Taka sitting on it, a microphone positioned in front of him. It was purely a photo-op that Athena wanted; I’m not going to accomplish anything with a bird on my guitar, ja? “So I imagine that several thousand of my followers, at least, have gone to follow Herr Taka.”

“Is he famous now?” Simon asks.

“Perhaps - if not yet, then soon.” Klavier glances at Taka asleep on his perch. “He is handling his rise to stardom very well, but he does have the best manager.”

“Would that be you?” Simon’s lips twitch in a smirk. “The most humble as well, I suppose.”

“Oh yes. I am very humble. You put enough dents in my ego on a daily basis for me not to be.” Klavier stops in the doorway and grins. “Enough that what Fräulein Cykes told me about your ringtone won’t go to my head.”

“She said what to you?”

“Ach, brushes with stardom make informants of the closest friends. It is nothing unusual for the celebrity world, that she sold you out.”

“She said what?” Simon repeats.

His phone rings, loudly, and he cannot lunge to silence it quickly enough. Klavier’s grin, impossibly, grows wider. He raises his phone in his hand, the screen showing that whoever he called has just hung up on him, and waves it. “It won’t go to my head,” he repeats. “It was not me, but the featured artist with me, ja?”

“Do you not have work to be doing, Gavin-dono?”

#ace attorney bullshit tag #klav's motive isn't purely spite - he genuinely thinks it's a fun idea - but he figures #that spite is definitely the reasoning that will get simon on board #runningwolf62 #roddy fanfics

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feral-anarchy · 5 years

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ANNOUNCEMENT.

Hey guys, I'm not sure who will be able to see this and who won't be. I know its pretty sudden too and I am sorry for this. This blog was originally for animals and food, for funny memes and just random stuff. I think I need to get back to that. I've lost nearly everyone I care about because of this huge mess- if you don't know then don't worry yourself over it, please. I just wanted to know the truth, to see everything from all angles, but that is harder to do than one would believe and I am tired. I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want to ask questions. I just want to be docile, submissive and let whatever happen, happen. I will not say names or call anyone out, I’m not that kind of person. I actually do not like drama, I dont ever want to start anything, accidentally or otherwise and I fear I have and I cannot tolerate that within myself. Yes, I am a person, people tend to forget that there are living, breathing thinking and feeling people behind these blogs. This isn't meant to be a sob story or anything of the sort either, I am just starting over.

So here it is:

Hi, my name is Feral, but you can call me anything that you want. I like food and animals. I have 7 dogs, a cat, a ball python, a leopard gecko, a mealworm farm and I feed the stray cats outside. I love animals and I just cannot stop rescuing them- especially here in the Phoenix Arizona heat, which is where I live.

I live in a two-story house that I own with my boyfriend of 6 years. We are both polyamorous to a point. I myself more emotionally, he, of course, is more physical. We have one play partner that we have known for years. I work as a barista at a small non-profit cafe at my local library part-time and I enjoy it for the most part. Though being around people is difficult. I take medication, 300 mg XL bupropion because I have severe depression. Not the crying all day type, but the dead-inside type. the kind where you feel like a soul stuck in an inanimate object. I also have pretty bad anxiety but I'm learning to cope with it. The meds help. My play partner is my only friend IRL as I don't get out much. I wouldn't consider my BF a best friend, but he is kind and patient with me, which is more than I could ever hope for. I don’t do well with people IRL, but I'm getting better every day. This is most likely due to my mother having me young, and I was a difficult child, a real demon. I didn't have much human interaction for the first 15 years of my life. I only had a dog, so a lot of my behavior seems kind of ‘off’ because of this and I apologize.

I've died once, not legally but I was fine one moment, gone the next. A pressure in my head happened, I felt static-y all over, then I was gone to a soft, comfortable, nothingness and I have been struggling ever since and living in fear of it happening again. Frankly, if it ever happens, I hope it kills me. I've come to terms with this and its okay. I've spent thousands of dollars, been so a bunch of doctors over the year since it happened and still no one knows what going on, no matter the test I get, it comes back clean. I've given up at this point. I've got this weird feeling that I've only got roughly 4/5 years left to live, I am 26 and I think I will be alive until 30, so maybe that's just my body’s way of starting the count down. It's alright though, it really is. If you know me, please don't be sad about that, it truly is alright.

There have been terrible things that happened to me, I've had a gun shoved in my face, I have been raped, I have lost my home, watched my dog die, lost my best friend of over 15 years, grew up in an abusive home after I turned 15 (mom married a dick, but he too has gotten better now that I am gone and I respect and understand it.) - but this isn't a sob story. Everyone has gone through their own difficulties and each story is valid, every life is valid.

There have been good times too! I love to create things, write and I love to draw and cook and eat, I am roughly 120LBs and I have this stubborn pooch on my belly that's showing up because of age and laziness. I enjoy being alone too, I feel the safest when I am alone and thankfully I get to be alone most of the time. I drive an old Volkswagon beetle bug that I've drawn all over, though it needs to be washed and redrawn on- I drew The Dragon Prince stuff on it.

I am not really in any fandoms, not anymore but I enjoy a lot of things, I used to known almost every anime at conventions if someone was wearing a costume! Ahh, I could keep rambling on about my life, but you guys don't want to hear it. People love to talk, but not really listen and I understand that. I try to be respectful of other people’s boundaries, triggers, and general requests. Though I admit that I am far from perfect, or even decent and I make plenty of mistakes.

I am a super open book and have zero reasons to lie about anything ever. Why would I? You want my life, you can have it. I won't tell you my address or social security number of course, but anything else is pretty much free game.

Anywho, I'm just posting because I want to start over. I'm going to keep quiet, post food posts and animals and funny things. Reblogs for me for the most part. I wish it had gone another way, but I can't side with anyone, I don't want to choose wrong and I don't want to be manipulated. so I'm just leaving in a way, emotionally. Besides, no matter what side I go on, people will hate me. People have always hated me and thats okay, not everyone needs to like me. Heck, I don't even like me lol, so I get it.

It's better to leave completely than to side with the wrong side. But I can't bring myself to delete this blog, its been here and with me through so much.

So consider Feral docile, lobotomized, and just quietly here.

My blog will always be open to you, whoever you are. I will be here, but not here.

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