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survivor-rotuma · 5 years

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Ep. 6: “That's the plan. Hope it works. Hope I survive.” - Boris

Cassie

I had a feeling our tribal would be an easy vote for Charlie and then had a feeling that Sumi would vote Bradley out since he hadn't done much in the challenge for them.

But now it's merge time so let's do this baby!

Flint

I made the merge! I’m so excited to play out this next part of the game. I’ve grown close to Cassie and Felix but I’m not sure where everyone stands in our alliance now that it’s an individual game now.

Felix

The time has come for my social game to produce the fruits of its labor. I have planted seeds and I will harvest. Right now, I need to focus on becoming social with every member on this tribe to avoid me becoming the easy merge boot. With this idol and eraser, I can become a huge help to my alliances and other allies. I have already aligned myself with Marie and Lysandre in the new and improved Drama Bitches alliance chat. I'm working on Zest, Apollo, and Boris right now, but I don't trust any of them for a second. I'm fine with the numbers I have, but we'll see how all of this goes. Boris wants to see messy gameplay. He'll be a threat later in this game for sure. Cassie is telling me that Marie is looking to make a big move with this first tribal council. I wouldn't mind. Especially if it's someone from Sumi leaving. Especially if it's Apollo or Boris. Apollo and Zest still seem to be tight with me but that could be a ruse. I'm just hoping my social game holds out. So much is happening that I just cannot keep up writing these confessionals. Cassie told me that Marie might want to throw my name out as a "big move" for the early merge. Jokes on Marie that I have an idol. So if I even get a whiff of my name in the air, I'm going to use it on myself point blank.

Miss Marie is getting real bold for having no true allies. Sucks to be her. If she had just calmed down and genuinely aligned with me, I wouldn't have to do this to her. Sadly, it seems like she is getting a big head for no reason.

Lysandre is spilling that he doesn't want to pull of a big move with Marie. He believes it is unnecessary to put a target on your back so early into merge. Plus, we haven't even finished the immunity challenge yet. He's very hesitant about going along with Marie. I hope he is willing to turn on her eventually

Lysandre

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Me and Marie WON!!! Mea WINS and we get to avoid fire making!!! Also Marie was right! The losing TWO tribes went to tribal. SO WE DID THAT by getting first place. Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise. Now that we won I can't help but hope that Boris survives. He needs to up his social game or else he's in trouble. Apparently his social game is ok at best because Apollo didnt tell him what his advantage was and yet Boris claims they are close so what is the truth. Meanwhile me and Marie are discussing the game and our potential future at a merge and a strategy that may work for us. Lets go Mysandre and Lysoris!! Felix

All these people with their big moves! First Marie, and now Boris too! I'm so Tired. I just wanted a peaceful first merge round, but instead I have to deal with these crazies running around. Hopefully, the people with common sense are going to vote these two out!

Zest

I am very nervous about the merge! I know a lot of people have played this before and I have not... so that makes me worry about some of the dynamics.

Lysandre

SO I MADE MERGE AHHHHHHHHH!! I'm so happy to be reunited with Boris and Apollo. I plan on making them two of my closest allies if they allow me to. So Felix immediately begins to revive all of the alliances that he was in and I refuse to be one of his numbers. I talked to Boris again and told him some new tea about Felix and how he's the ideal target but he (Boris) is being targeted by Taui for being a social threat apparently. I also am frustrated with Apollo and how he isn't telling Boris what he got in the Auction and yet they are aligned. It just doesnt add up one bit. I mean I trust Boris when he says he doesnt know but Apollo not telling him is super sketchy. Marie is proving herself to be a real liability as of now. She keeps making game mistakes by telling Cassie, one of Felix's allies, that she wants to vote for him. cassie told Felix 100% and Felix back tracked and talked to us. I recovered the situation and moved the target on Marie instead of myself by suggesting big moves are Marie's idea. That then became some more scrambling that was annoying. I started talking more with Zest, Apollo, and Briana to try and form some kind of relationship with them and maybe an alliance plus Boris. Who knows if that will work or not. The challenge is really cute!!! I'm loving it even though its giving me a grand headache. I'm being super specific right now in my searches and even going by species and often forgotten geographical locations like the middle east and etc for inspirations. I think that I have this one in the bag but I do not want to become overzealous. Fingers

Lysandre

So the latest developments are the SuMea alliance that is in the works of being formed as well as an alliance within that of Me, Boris, and Apollo. I feel like I'm forgetting to confess something but eh it will be ok. Oh wait I wanted to talk about my future post merge. I really want to go on an immunity streak if possible and then if I lose one I would just play my idol or double vote.

Apollo

What the fuck is indeed going around on the island? A lot of fuckery is going on around the island. Apparently my idea to get Brianna out didn't turn out. Bradley was so inactive, it was hard to not vote him out. Whatever. Now i'm stuck with her, so i guess i better make sure she feels like we're closer than ever. Antyways, the leaders alliance turns into the supremes and then turns into a pile of sh*t because Cassie wants to run back to Felix with everything Marie is saying, plus she has a hard-on for voting out Borris. GURL BYE! YOU JUST MADE YOURSELF ON MY HIT LIST. I still want Felix out, but girl maybe its you who needs to be blindsided. *insert Tasha's "we got a rat" gif here* https://i.redd.it/z3726rlp64ax.gif I am thankful for that since it resulted in Marie and I gaining a bond and SuMea forming. So now Borris and I have trio chats with: zest, brianna, and lysandre. Lysandre has really come through, i enjoy him a lot, and I plan to work with him for a while, but I cannot go to f3 with him, he's got to go sooner than later. Ideal boot list?

10-cassie/felix 9-felix/cassie 8-brianna 7-lysandre 6- joey 5- flint 4- Borris 3- Marie marie

I expected better from cassie wow Felix

I am getting back into this idol hunt game. I'm kind of scared of each result, but it can't be any worse then how it is. I mean I do already have an idol, but if I got another one then it'd be fantastic! I just did the termites outcome, so we'll see if I get an advantage. I think termites are edible and healthy so hopefully it works out in the end. The worst (in my mind) that can happen is a 10% disadvantage which would lead to just an overall -5% which, for this challenge, is only about 1 or 2 points off. So I should still be good for the challenge. I chatted with Apollo last night and we joked about the idol for a bit. I hope that I am bonding well with him. I need numbers to oppose Marie, and if I can avoid using my idol then it'd be greatly appreciated. Right now, I am hoping to see Boris leave in the next tribal council. Or perhaps even Brianna since I never talk to her and she has yet to message me. Otherwise, I'd have everyone in this tribe on lock down socially. Let's hope they do not think strategically to get me out in the future though! While I was in the shower, I thought of a way to use the idol in a fun way if I don't use it next tribal council. I could use it to force a tie next round with my eraser that works in my favor. I erase someone's vote next round which leaves a 4-4 if the votes were initially 5-4. If my side of the votes won immunity and I played my idol incorrectly though still on my side, that'd leave only 1 person eligible for rocks on my side and 4 on the other side. It'd be fantastic to use if I happened to find myself in the minority next round for whatever reason. But those are a lot of "if" scenarios so it'll probably not happen.

Brianna

Welcome to Brianna put together a shitty list for the challenge cuz she did it 30 minutes before it was due. Bcuz I got ice cream. Do I regret it....no. I love ice cream

FelixIt sucks that I didn't win immunity. But if I hear even a word of my name in the air, I'll play idol. It is better to be safe than sorry. And I'm coming after Marie specifically with this.

I've decided that Brianna would be an easy vote off if people are willing to make a simple move this early into merge. Though, according to my sources, people are looking to make big moves so I have no fear of being vocal since apparently I am this "big move" that people are seeking. We'll see if things go the way I plan. If I don't hear my name and don't get the vibe, then Brianna will be the target. Otherwise, I'll be targeting the people that have specifically targeted me, like Marie and anyone else who says my name. I'm so hyped for this tribal council! Those people won't know what hit them!

Flint

This first merge vote has me nervous af. If all goes well we will stay Tuai strong for a four vote block, however Cassie and Joey have been a little more quiet post merge so their loyalties could lie elsewhere. Maybe after this vote it will bf time for me to break free from Tuai bonds.

Felix

Thankfully these people are not dumb. It seems no one wants to go along with Marie's plan to vote either Boris or I. Apollo has told Boris all about Marie and Cassie targeting me and Boris respectively. What he doesn't know is that Cassie is only throwing out Boris' name to appease Marie such that I do not become the target. Boris admitted to knowing those details to me willingly. And, since Apollo told him, he must not be too apt to vote either of us out any time soon. Lysandre admitted to me earlier that my name was going around in One World, and that they have my back all the way. Divulging this information means that Lys will not vote for me either. It seems the Brianna vote is going to happen no matter what now. I've pushed for it, and I think it'll definitely go through

Lysandre

Ok so I won immunity which is absolutely fantastic but I cant help but think it paints a bigger target on my back. Whatever though I still have my idol and extra vote.

Marie is proving herself to be a bug liability lol. She is almost confrontational and she basically disclosed a plan to be a flip vote. She did so Publicly lmaooo so like rip??

Lysandre

So people originally want to do Felix which is ok but the way Cassie answered her question seemed to paint me as a threat and someone to take out. She has also suggested Boris's name which is rough and she has also ran back and told Felix that Marie mentioned his name. Im on her hit list but she's on mine. Keeping Felix in as a shield will help me because in case I lose immunity he will be a bigger target.

Felix

I am at the point now where if I am being played, then I am being played. I'm almost certain Brianna is leaving this tribal, but you never know. I'll die with this idol in my pocket and no one can tell me otherwise.

marie

people are acting like apollo and lys are doing everything and suggesting all the big moves, no bitch its a bourbon triumvirate k??? like it's taking all of my self control to not go "hi yeah its my idea too-" but the last thing i need is a target on my back, i feel like felix might want me out cause i threw his name out but haha bitch we're not even voting you the vote is cassie. and if i end up being the merge boot i will cry. rant over

Brianna

Okay. Update time. Sumi and mea made an alliance together giving us a majority of 6-4. So that’s cool. The targets went down like this. The other side is targeting me and our side wanted to target Felix but Felix found out so in case of an idol play we are going for Cassie. Honestly I was a little upset about it because I wanted to hopefully work with Cassie in the future but then I heard I was being targeted and I just had to go with it. Honestly. I kind of really wanted Felix out. Oh well. Guess I’ll just have to wait. If I make it through this vote and don’t get blindsided haha.

Cassie

I know I flubbed a bit on the challenge and I guess some of the sites I used for research weren't good enough, but oh well. Personally I do not believe I'm on the bottom, but more along the middle. I don't believe others are deciding my fate for me, but if the tribal doesn't go the way I expect it to then I'll be mad, sad, and then I'll just sigh.

Boris

we MERGED. I MADE IT. WITH LYSANDRE. AND APOLLO AND ZEST. So much has happened. I made an immediate alliance chat with Lysandre as an AOC F2. We have a separate alliance with Apollo. I have 3 person alliances with every combination of people originally on Sumi. AND we have a mega alliance with Sumi and Mea. I have alliances upon alliance

Boris

woops I submitted that last one too early. ALLIANCES UPON ALLIANCES to keep me safe and keep me grounded. We all seem to be really good players so I'm so excited!! We can easily slay this merge.

Boris

This first merge vote is also EXTREMELY messy?? I've heard four names going around, those of which being Felix, Brianna, Cassie, and MINE. WHAT. Felix was an obvious choice going into merge, ask anyone and they'll tell you the same, but Cassie thought it was a real cute idea to suggest that I was a better option??? Why?? whomst knows! But yeah I'm scared as HECK because apparently I'm getting votes tonight. All of my allies wanna keep me safe, and Apollo and Lysandre came up with the idea to vote out Cassie because she's putting my name out, and in the process make it seem like Felix is actually our plan, so we can flush any votes that he has. So YEAH! That's the plan. Hope it works. Hope I survive. If Cassie idols herself I'm gonna idol myself. Bye bye. Xoxo

Lysandre

So I hope Boris lives but this can be a pretty crazy round if Bri flips or advantages are played!

joey g

We made it to merge! Surviving that last tribal council was honestly due to the straight male privilege i exude. I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread and dont really know whats going on, but hopefully people view me as a goat so i can wake up down the line and nobody will see it coming.

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ellalynnmonroe · 7 years

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VanCon 2017, my second convention is under my belt. Now that I’ve finished my finals for school, I can fully recap the events of the weekend and appreciate them completely. If there are any typos, I apologize now. My brain hurts from taking said finals. Hah.. oh, and uh. I haven’t entered in those fancy ass cues to seperate paragraphs since I was on Live Journal… like 15 years ago. So.. sorry for the continuous paragraph. 😂 The weekend began with this sweet gal (@winchestersnco) arriving at my door step. This woman was my right hand woman and savior this weekend. She was so incredibly helpful, patient, and loving when it came to my two month old daughter.. who’s name happens to be Amara. **Long backstory short.. my bf and I loved the name and the uniqueness. The fact it’s a character from our favorite only had a small part it.. as is the fact she was created at VanCon 2016…. #porncouver 😂** The drive to Vancouver started out great. Amara slept for the first third of the drive. And then hated us the rest of the drive. Though it was rather exhausting, me feeding her in her carseat is a memory neither Erin or I will forget, I’m sure. Needless to say, Amara had worn herself out so much, she only woke to eat and slept nine hours that night. Friday! The show started later than I remember it starting last year. The energy was also different. Maybe I got spoiled with Kim and Brianna. Rich is a neat dude and all, but those girls really set the bar high. Lol. The panels were fun. The first and only time Amara made a sound during a panel was during Samantha Smith’s. Of course I get called out and stand up to show her I actually have a baby. Jason Manns was added to the guest list at the last minute and I was so thrilled! Amara slept so soundly through his panel; she loves her music! Our autographs for the day included Sam Smith, Emily Swallow, and Brianna Buckmaster. Sam was apparently upset I didn’t actually walk Amara up to her during her panel. Lol, oops. She was in awe by the eye contact my tiny can make. She said “You are not new”. She said Amara is “an old soul”. A mother generally thinks their kid is the best, but hearing how alert and aware your two month old actually is, kinda makes your heart swell. 😍 Emily… ah, how do I put this nicely?.. I’m not a fan. She’s a bit… snatchy. Guess I can’t put that nicely. For those who don’t know, Emily plays the character, Amara on SPN. Coming into this auto, I thought even if this lady thinks I’m a total dweeb and I named my daughter after a SPN character because I’m incredibly obsessed, she would pretend to be amused. Nope. She was so blandly like, “Oh… cooool”. And then proceeded to take this stuffed doll someone made her and wave it in front of her face. I was hardly impressed. Brianna is probably one of my favorite human beings. I walk up and immediately she says “I kinda wanna hold that baby”. I told her she could, but she insisted on keeping the baby comfy. She was pretty entertained by the origin of her name; she said the last reason was the best reason. I just want to be her bff. She’s pretty damn rad. Karaoke…. well. We showed up late so all the guests were already tossed. ESPECIALLY my favorite person if the day. You guessed it. Emily Swallow. One of my roomies of the weekend stayed with me for a bit; Amara slept the whole time. It was the freakin’ Emily Swallow show. She sang over EVERYONE that sang a song. And by sang, I mean yelled with a vibrato. Not. Impressed. Saturday!! I really wanted to watch the first panel, but sleep took over and I slept too late. I love sleep, so I wasn’t to hard on myself. Hah. Mark Sheppard’s panel was entertaining, as usual. He’s so sassy. I attempted to ask him what activities he likes to do with his kids, now that he has some free time. Before I even asked my question, he looked at Amara and said, “That’s not my baby”. Hahaha. After me asking my question and him not answering, I tried to repeat my question and he called me bossy and continued to avoid my question. 😂 there’s a video or two of the ordeal running around out there that I need to acquire. I was pretty bummed he didn’t walked around the audience like he usually does. Idk who did what to him to make him pissed off, but they should be slapped. Misha Collins’ panel was absurd. I laughed so much, I can’t remember too many specifics. The moment I’ll never forget; however, is him asking how to sign “take a dump” in American Sign Language. I died. Matt Cohen, Rob Benedict, and Richard Speight Jr had the last panel. Amara had started to get a little wiggly, so I was in and out for that one. Rachel Miner’s panel… I am too hormonal for that shit. The guys carried her out to the stage and the audience gave her a standing ovation. I wept. She is one inspiration gal. We had a photo op with Brianna and autos with Matt and Mark that day. Our photo with Briana was all thanks to Erin.. Seriously. This girl is the effing best. I can’t brag enough about her. Anyway, back to Briana. When we walked up, I said to her, “You can hold this baby now!”. She did not argue one bit. Chris about died when he say her homemade ‘Wayward AF’ bandana-turned-bandaeu. Mark signed a book my friend gave to Amara, “If I Were a Moose”. Mark’s response? “If I were a moose, I’d kill myself”. Lol. Jesus Christ, Mark. 😂 Matt was cute and sweet as always. Nothing particularly memorable was said. But I do want you all to know that man is getting some of those silver highlights in his hair… Hey. Girl. Hey. Rachel was just as sweet as she was in her panel. She’s is a fighter. I could only hope to be the bad ass this woman is! I had the chance to chat with Jason Manns for a minute. He picked out which album of his Amara would like best. He was so sweet, and I’m so glad he was there. Louden Swain performed a couple acoustic songs in the lobby before signing autos for those that bought some merch. They had they’re SNS album available, so obvioisly I purchased it. Lol they too, were so nice. The talent these men posses is unreal. SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL. What’s there to say, that hasn’t already been said. The SNS never disappoints. Louden Swain is PHENOMENAL. Emily was annoying and Brianna nailed it. Oh yeah. And Jensen made an appearance and knocked everyone’s socks off.. or should I say panties? 😉 Fucking SUNDAY, BITCHES. J2 day. This is the day that everyone is anxiously awaiting. The panel was obviously hilarious and fun. These boys NEVER disappoint. There were too many funny moments to explain, but my fav? The endless butt jokes. YouTube the panel if you wanna get in on the jokes. Amara and I had a photo with Jensen and then I have one by myself with Jensen. As soon as I walk up to him and he sees Amara, his mouth drops. I asked, “Would you mind holding her for a photo?” He obviously did not object. Who can resist a tiny baby in a shirt that says ‘World’s cutest Supernatural fan" and a little black tutu with a SPN themed bow on the front of it?? Chris died, once again, after coming on close to check out her outfit. Bless that man! He took three quick shots and printed each of them for me to ensure we got a good one. And then I hand the tiny off and tell Jensen I have one with just myself and he proceeds to give me the best hug, Chris takes the pic, and Jensen gives me a tight squeeze. I tell him thank you, and he says something along the lines of “Congrats, mom”….. and I died. Hahaha. When I go to grab Amara, the head dudes in charge are fawning over her. I’d say her outfit was a success. Coming down the escalator, Gil McKinney came over to take to Amara. This man had been eyeballin’ her all weekend. It was pretty cute and sweet how he approached us. Jason also came over to see her Sunday outfit. I’m telling you, these guys are rad AF. Our autos were at the end of the day, and Amara was getting tired. Thankfully she stayed awake long enough for the two boys to see her. We get up to Jensen and he’s still all about her. He asks her name, and I tell him and the story to go with it. You can tell he’s kinda listening. For comedic value, I decided to say to him, “she’s out souvenir from last year” and the look on his face was priceless. It took a split second for him to register it, but once he did, he chuckled a bit. I thought Jerad was going to steal her. As soon as I walked up, he said “Look at the knees! And those thighs!” He was amazed by how strong she is and couldn’t believe she was only two months old. Now.. this is suppose to be the time I say, “That was that and we went home”……. But no. It. Gets. Better. So Erin and I had stood in line with our weekend roomies. They were toward the end, with maybe a dozen people behind them. Once they went behind the curtain, and Amara was sound asleep in her shoulder, she began walking back to our seats. I told her to slow her roll. I’m thinking, maybe if we linger long enough and stealth enough, some magic will happen…. AND DID IT EVER. Jensen comes out and waves to everyone, waves at Erin and I.. but does a double take when he sees this sleeping ball of chunk on Erin’s shoulder… he then RUNS OVER TO AMARA, PINCHES AT HER SWEET CHUBBY CHEEKS.. AND THEN.. GIVES HER A KISS ON HER CHEEK. JENSEN KISSED MY BABY. I vowed to never wash her again; however she had gotten herself so worked up on the ride home, she projectile vomited ALL OVER ME. It was a wonderful weekend, not too hectic, filled with such wonderful memories that I can’t wait to share with Amara when she’s older. 99% (lol) of the guests were so sweet and supportive of me bringing my tiny. The fans all loved her. I only had a few people harass me about ear protection, of which I brought, one lady get salty about being next to a baby before she had a chance to show her what an angel of a baby she is, and one person suggest I breastfeed in the bathroom after I asked where would he a good spot to sit and feed her. Other than that, everyone was great, I had a great time, and I miss all my ladies!

#supernatural #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #vancon #mark sheppard #brianna buckmaster #misha collins #matt cohen #samantha smith #jason manns #louden swain

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briannacarrasco-blog1 · 6 years

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Character/Advice

My idea of a good day isn’t following a 17 year old girl around high school. Frankly, high school was the worst time of my life. That’s when I was struggling with my self-confidence, discovering my sexuality, and I had absolutely no idea who I truly was.

The only reason why I made it through high school and to the age of 22 years old was because of my best friend, Amanda, who I’ve known since kindergarten. While I would get bullied, or teased Amanda yell and tell everyone else to back off. She protected me my whole life.

When Amanda got pregnant when she was 17, I thought Amanda would get too busy with her new son, Simon, and her asshole boyfriend, Peter, and our friendship would slowly deteriorate and I would be alone forever. But, the complete opposite happened. Peter and Amanda were always on again, off again, and Peter was rarely in Simon’s life. I loved Simon like he was my own son, and he kind of was. He called me Aunty Ava, but I was more of a second mother than an aunt.

So, I was not that pleased when I flew in all the way from Maine to Toronto to mentor a 17-year old girl named Brianna.

Although, I was supposed to be following Brianna from class-to-class, and giving her advice, I couldn’t help but think of my life back home.

In Brianna’s French class, instead of paying attention to the French version of Tim Burton’s Big Eyes, I was worrying about what was going on back home in Portland.

Amanda, Simon, and I had just moved to Portland from New York City early this year, after Amanda had enough of Peter’s physical and verbal abuse, and after my mother passed away of a brain tumor. Amanda and I boarded a flight from NYC to Portland, Amanda with bruises on her face, and me with no family left, but at least we had each other. And Simon.

After arriving in Portland, with a portion of the money my mother left me, we opened our own seafood restaurant by the beach. I haven’t been away from Amanda for more than a day since kindergarten. So, during the movie, I found myself constantly checking my phone for texts from Amanda, or updates on the restauraunt. I felt weird about leaving her, but I knew she was strong and could handle herself.

After Brianna’s French class was lunch time, which is probably the worst part about high school. In class, at least you could keep to yourself, and avoid others. But at lunch, you’re forced to socialize with people that you probably won’t even remember in 10 years. Or, you eat lunch alone and be considered a loser. You never win.

But I was surprised. Lunch wasn’t actually that bad. Brianna mentioned to me that she usually ate lunch at her locker, and when we arrived and she opened her locker, I was shockdx to see The Shining by Stephen King sitting at the top of her textbooks. I was completely taken aback. She seemed like the type of girl to listen to bad pop music and watch makeup tutorials on YouTube.

“That’s my favourite book!” I exclaimed, unable to contain myself. Stephen King really excited me. I couldn’t help it.

“I’m loving it so far!” she responded, stacking binders in her locker. “But I think we’re in agreement that the movie sucked.”

“Oh, definitely.” I replied smiling. I thought today was going to be horrible, but it was always great to find someone you could bond over horror stories with.

The rest of the lunch went by fairly quickly, and I assume it’s because we were discussing our favourite books, movies, and TV shows. I learned that Brianna liked teen dramas like Gossip Girls, The Fosters, and Skins, whereas I preferred legal dramas and crime shows like Suits or CSI. We both agreed on Criminal Minds though, and we debated about who was the cutest. She went for Derek Morgan, but I picked JJ, obviously.

She also told me about her visits to New York City, and how she decided it’s her favourite city in the world. I told her about what it was like for me to grow up in NYC, and all my favourite things about the city. But I didn’t tell her about what made me leave New York for good. There were too many bad memories associated with that place that I didn’t want to talk about.

After lunch, Briana brought me to her last period class, which was Advanced Functions. I know I said that high school was an overall nightmare for me, but the one place I really felt comfortable was in math class. It’s probably because math was the subject I did best in, and it also required the least amount of social interaction. There were no group projects in math class.

Every so often, Brianna would ask me if her answers were correct, or if she was doing a question right. Whenever she asked me a question, I felt a flutter in my heart as I remembered being 17 and tutoring younger kids with their math homework. For a brief period before Amanda got pregnant, I thought about becoming a teacher. I didn’t really know for what. I was interested in a lot of things from law, to science, to math. But, I knew that explaining things to people, and helping them to love the same things I did, was something I knew I wanted to do.

But then Amanda had Simon, and I dedicated my life to protecting her, like she had protected me.

After school, Brianna’s grandmother picked us up in her car, and drove us to Brianna’s house in Ajax, a small town outside the city.

When we got to Brianna’s house, which was roughly the size of my new home in Portland. I was still used to the tiny apartments in New York, and still couldn’t fathom why anyone would need such a large living space. After munching on some vegetarian snacks in Brianna’s cupboards, and gathering Brianna’s books, we hopped into her car.

“I tutor this kid about three times a week,” Brianna explained while starting her car. “He’s such a brat, but you get used to him after a while.”

The way she reversed out of her driveway and sped down the street like it was second nature caught me off guard. Back in New York, there usually wasn’t any need to drive a car. A subway station was always a short distance away, and if you really wanted to, you could hop in a taxi. I didn’t realize that driving might actually be a useful skill until moving to Portland, where not everything was easily accessible by subway.

While Brianna was tutoring this 7-year old boy in French (what was it with this girl and French?) I started to understand what Brianna meant when she said that this kid was a brat. I love children, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to be a teacher. But, sometimes I forget that not all kids were as sweet and caring as Simon.

After French lessons, Brianna drove her car over to a restaurant to meet her mother and her two cousins. I was dragged along, even though what I really wanted to do was go home and Skype with Amanda and Simon to see how they were doing, But, I admit, dinner was pretty fun. The table came with a trivia game that they played against each other. I didn’t really feel like playing, so I just watched. As they played and laughed and yelled at each other over the table, I felt a sense of yearning for something I would probably never have. A family. I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart, but it was quickly replaced with joy. If I couldn’t have a happy family, I’m glad someone could.

There was one point during the dinner when an Ed Sheeran song came on, and everyone at the table starting singing in unison. They all seemed so happy, but I couldn’t help but sit there as teared welled up in my eyes. It reminded me too much of when my mother and I used to sing Your Song by Elton John in the kitchen while cooking dinner or getting ready for school and work. In the middle of the song, I had to quickly excuse myself and go to the bathroom for pull myself together.

After feasting on fries and garlic bread, we parted ways, and I got back into the car with Brianna. She plugged her phone into the AUX cord, and played me a song from a new band she’s been listening to called Years & Years. They weren’t really my type, since I was more of a Billy Joel or The Police type of girl. But, then she played a Sam Smith song that was so beautiful that I made a mental note to download it on my phone.

When we arrived back home at Brianna’s house, she sat at her dining room table while her mom watched soap operas in the living room. She pulled out her math textbook and smiled at me.

“You think you can do my math homework for me?” she teased.

I pulled up a chair beside her and we did her homework together for the next two hours. Sitting in the dark, with only the soft light of the kitchen, by the warm fireplace, and doing math homework, was probably the best part of my day. I had a glimpse of what my life would be like if Amanda didn’t get pregnant, and I decided to follow my dreams instead of taking care of her. I immediately felt a pang of guilt.

“You know, I wanted to be a math teacher when I was your age.” I said out loud, startling Brianna. “Or a science teacher. It didn’t really matter.”

“Why didn’t you?” Brianna asked.

“Things happened.” I responded. “My best friend was a teen mom. She isn’t that close with her family, she was always staying at my place. And her family had basically no money.”

Brianna stared at me, her eyes wide, urging me to continue.

“I’m not rich or anything. But my mom was a pretty successful lawyer before she died. So we were pretty well off. I kind of made it my duty to take care of her. She took care of me for many years, so I decided it was time to pay her back. We both have no family anymore. We’re each other’s family.”

“That’s really sad.” Brianna responded softly. I was taken aback. Usually when I tell people about me and Amanda’s friendship, they think it’s amazing that we managed to find each other through all the darkness of the world.

“Why?” I asked.

“You shouldn’t feel indebted to your best friend.” she started.

“I’m not indebted–“

“I mean,” she continued. “It’s great to help out friends in times of need, but, at what expense? When do you stop giving every part of yourself to Amanda and her son? When do you start taking care of yourself? When do you get to be happy. 22 is too young to be taking care of another girl and her son.”

“Well, Amanda was too young to have a baby. She needed help.” I couldn’t help but defend her.

“Look, Amanda made a mistake when she was 17 years old. That’s in the past, and you got Simon out of it. I’m just saying, how long are going to pay for Amanda’s mistake?” Brianna closed her math textbook and stuffed it into her school bag, while I sat there with a stunned expression on my face. “I’m going to go to bed. Thank you for spending the day with me today. You really helped me a lot.”

“No,” I said. “You helped me.”

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