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s-nebul0sa · 5 years

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Do you know what it’s like Part 2

Part 1 Read on AO3

White hot pain takes her vision so suddenly she can’t prepare for it. All she can do is close her eyes, lean back and wish for it to pass. She hasn’t had a flare up this bad in a while. It’s mostly been lingering aches, joint pains and exhaustion. Closing her eyes has become less of a burden now that she doesn’t feel the burning every time she does so but today it seems her body has other plans.

It starts unexpectedly, building up to an insane height in milliseconds and lasting for nearly a minute only to then slowly dwindle down. Bit by bit the pain recedes and Lena’s senses return, she’s aware again of where she is, feeling the familiar couch cushions beneath her body.

“Lena?” someone asks. Kara asks, Lena realises after a moment. She’s with Kara in her office. They’re having lunch. Slowly, everything falls back into place. “Are you okay?”

“Mhmm, I’m fine.” She doesn’t open her eyes yet, afraid she’ll set something new off. Or maybe afraid of the look Kara might give her. Either way, it’s better to keep her eyes closed a little longer. She focusses on relaxing her muscles, all tensed up from trying to fight the pain. She knows it probably only made it worse but it’s an involuntary response of her body, not something she can help.

“Are you sure? You look a little pale.”

“Just a moment.” She breathes out, steadily, slowly, deliberately. With every second air leaves her body, so does more tension and pain. When her lungs are empty and start to scream for air, now burning worse than the rest of her body, she opens her eyes and inhales.

Kara looks even more worried than she’d expected. She should probably tell her. Kara is her best friend. Kara would understand. It would make things easier if someone besides James knew. Really knew, not like Alex’s stolen glances and understanding looks that say she knows something is going on but someone Lena truly trusts knowing exactly what’s happening to her.

Lena thinks it over for a moment as she tugs on her blouse to get it back in order. Make her look put together again when she knows her face is probably still betraying her. At least her clothes could hold up some sort of pretence.

Kara watches curiously, concerned. Lena feels rather guilty for causing those feelings. It would probably feel good to talk about it too. With someone other than James because he gets too overbearing sometimes. It would be nice to have someone other than her boyfriend to talk to, in case he’s unavailable or doesn’t understand. In case something happens.

“Remember when I got poisoned?” she starts.

Kara nods, “the cyanide.”

“Yes, the cyanide. Well, I sometimes still feel it. It’s caused some irreversible damage and sometimes it’s worse than other times.” She shrugs, no longer perturbed by her new reality but Kara only manages to look at her, wide-eyed and guilty. “If you didn’t get me help so fast, I wouldn’t even be here,” she says. Hopefully it will make Kara feel less responsible. If she and James hadn’t gotten her help so incredibly fast, she’d have been long dead. Or at least in a coma she’d never wake from.

“I’m sorry,” Kara says softly.

Lena doesn’t hesitate to take her hand, squeezing it softly in reassurance. “You didn’t poison me. There’s nothing to be sorry for. At least I’m still alive. I’m still me.” That last part is so important to her. So incredibly important she can’t fathom how to convey to Kara how glad she is she got saved by her, and in time to not lose herself. Yes, she’s in pain nearly all the time and sometimes it gets really bad but she can still think clearly. She can still walk and talk, breathe, feed herself. She’ll miss out on some things in life but she never was much into sports and she can settle for shorter walks and adjusted vacations if that’s what it takes. It’s no big deal. So long as she has her mind and independence.

“Does it hurt?” Kara puts away her burger in favour of listening to Lena and that’s a grand gesture for her. Lena’s so very glad for a friend like her, one who makes time and gives her undivided attention when needed.

“A little, usually,” Lena says honestly. “When it’s bad it feels like nails shooting through my bones and my skin searing off. But most of the time it’s just in the background and my meds take the bite away.”

Kara gets that guilty look again, this time slightly different as if she’s done something. As if she’s somehow hurt Lena herself. Lena knows it’s not true. There’s no reason for Kara to feel guilty. Edge had her poisoned and Kara, her best friend, would never do something like that. Kara couldn’t even hurt someone if she tried, Lena is convinced of that. Kara’s too sweet and soft and hopeful.

“It’s not too bad,” she reassures her friend. “It’s mostly tiring, really.” Okay, maybe not really because it still does hurt and some joints are worse than others and the changing weather seems to influence it too. The dry and cooling air worming its way into them and making them even stiffer and ache worse.

Kara looks like she wants to say something, her eyes watery as if she’s about to shed tears. She visibly swallows her words and settles on something different, “if you ever need me, for anything, just let me know. Any time, okay?”

Lena smiles gently at her, uttering a soft, “thank you.”

They continue their meal in silence for a while, both lost in thought. Lena picks at her fries, excruciatingly slowly working her way through them while Kara inhales her food way too fast. Lena’s intrigued Kara somehow manages to eat so quickly without getting a stomach ache after each meal but then again, she’s never been a fast eater herself and her dwindled appetite only makes her slower. At least she’s not blowing up like she was when she got put on prednisone for a brief while. It’s a delicate balance, her meds and her appetite, but she’s trying really hard to make it work like this and not need yet another adjustment in medication. It always leaves her symptoms worse for a while, even if they taper out eventually it’s not worth it when she can manage like this.

She plays with a fry as Kara watches her when the nagging thought in the back of her head, the one she’s been nurturing for over a week now, works its way to the forefront of her mind. “James’s mother invited us over for Christmas.”

“Oh! That’s nice of her,” Kara quickly exclaims, exited enough to compensate for Lena’s reservation. “I love Christmas and Christmas with family is the best.”

“Mhmm,” Lena hums vaguely.

“You’re not happy he wants you to meet his family?”

“I am,” Lena quickly assures, “I am. It’s a big step and I think we’re ready for it but— what if they hate me, Kara? What if they think I’m like Lex and don’t trust me and drive us apart?”

“Hey,” Kara softly says to draw Lena’s eyes back to hers, “you’re not like your family. You’re good and kind and caring. You love James and he loves you and that should be enough. His family will see it and if they don’t, James isn’t the kind of guy to just drop you because of it. He’ll make his family see. He’s probably already told them all about you.”

“He has?” Lena nearly chokes out, acutely aware of the fact she doesn’t know how a family actually functions and never having even considered James would have mentioned her to his family when he visited.

“He would be an idiot not to,” Kara states. “He’s exactly the type of boyfriend who will never shut up about his girlfriend. I’m sure they already love you and you have nothing to worry about. And if they’re not convinced yet, they will be when they meet you.”

Kara sounds so matter-of-factly, so convinced of herself, Lena almost believes her. Almost.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Give yourself a little more credit, Lena. You’re a great person and anyone who cares to look can see that. Now, tell me more about Sun City. I’ve never been. What’s the best restaurant?”

Lena laughs wholeheartedly at Kara’s immediate focus on food. Only Kara can manage to cheer her up by mentioning food. Lena fondly shakes her head before recounting her trip with James and everything else that happened during Kara’s assignment.

———

“You did tell them I’m Lena Luthor, right?” Lena asks, voicing another one of her worries as she places clothes on the bed to take with.

“It might have come up but my mom was more impressed by the fact you own two fortune 500 companies.” James puts some of his own clothing on the bed with hers, mentally going down his list of stuff he needs to pack as he moves about the bedroom to grab everything.

“Those are hardly my own accomplishments,” Lena counters. She can’t take any credit for inheriting a company and more money than she could ever need.

“Keeping them afloat is. And being on the Forbes’ 30 under 30 list.”

“She really doesn’t have an issue with me being a Luthor?”

“She said, and I quote: ‘Jimmy, if she makes you happy and you trust her, how could I not?’ so there’s really no problem. Did you see my book somewhere?”

Lena points to a haphazard pile of his clothing and he lifts it to find the book buried beneath. Slowly, the bed fills with clothing, toiletries and anything else they need to pack for their trip. It’s only a few days so James had convinced Lena they could fit everything in one suitcase and that taking only one case would be much more convenient.

“You’re sure she’s okay with us staying there? I can still make a hotel reservation,” Lena offers. No matter how much James convinces her everything will be fine and his family will love her, she can’t stop worrying about the most menial things.

“She’d be insulted if we don’t stay with her, really. She likes having the house filled with life.”

“But what if—”

“What if she likes you?” James cuts her off, grabbing her hands and softly guiding her to sit down next to him on the edge of the bed. “What if she enjoys your presence and loves you? What if she supports us being together because that’s what a good mother does?”

“I’m not very good with mothers.”

“Eliza liked you just fine on Thanksgiving,” James argues.

“Eliza isn’t my boyfriend’s mother.”

“No, she’s your best friend’s. Your best friend who— who is really close to both Supergirl and Superman. That must count for something.”

Lena worries her bottom lip between her teeth, her fingers stuck in James’s caress. “Maybe,” she acquiesces.

“I’ll take a maybe over a no. Are you okay with staying at my mom’s? If you don’t I can still tell her we’re getting a hotel. I want you to be comfortable during our first real Christmas together and with my family.”

“No, we can stay at you mom’s. If that makes her happy.”

“It does. Thank you.” James presses a kiss to her lips before frowning at everything on the bed. “I think we might have to reconsider taking two suitcases.”

Lena follows his gaze over the bed, gauging the volume everything will take up when efficiently packed. “I think one will suffice.”

“Babe, have you seen how much stuff we want to bring?”

“I did. Just get the bigger one and I’ll prove everything will fit just fine,” Lena says with a challenging smirk.

As soon as James drops the suitcase next to the bed, Lena starts meticulously packing. She keeps a set of clothing for both of them separate for their carry-ons just in case and packs the rest in the suitcase. She tightly rolls op shirts, fills the cups of bras with socks and squeezes underwear in caps. Slowly, the pile on the bed shrinks until she’s grabbing the last item and places it in a last free spot. She doesn’t even have to put any effort into closing the lid, everything fitting snuggly but perfectly, as she closes the clasps. With a smug look she raises from the floor, stretching her limbs before pulling the suitcase upright and looking at James with a pleased look.

“God, you’re hot when you do that,” James husks, moving closer to her and tugging her slightly to close the rest of the distance between them.

“What? Prove you wrong?” she laughs mischievously looking up at him.

“No, look so satisfied with yourself.” He presses his lips briefly to her forehead and pulls back to look at her knowing smile. “Okay, and prove me wrong too.” He slowly walks them back until her legs hit the edge of the bed and he braces his large hands on her back to keep her from tumbling back on it.

He leans down, capturing her lips in another hungry kiss. He lowers his hands and lifts her slightly, instinctively she wraps her arms and legs around him like a koala as he leans forward more to carefully lower her down on the mattress. Not once do his lips leave their assault on hers. Not that she’s complaining, she returns his hungry smooch just as eagerly.

“James,” she breathes when he gives her a moment of reprieve. His hands trail softly down her sides, tickling her ribs over the fabric of her shirt.

“Hmm.” He lowers his mouth from lingering over hers to softly trailing over her jaw and steadily working its way down her neck, pressing kisses along the way.

“James—” She breathes in sharply when his teeth find the sensitive spot where her neck meets her shoulder. James laughs slyly as he presses his soft tongue against the spot. “Our plane.”

“We have a few hours,” he says as he gently removes her hands from pressing against his chest and one-handedly pins them above her head. “This okay?”

“I don’t want to be late.” She wiggles her arms a little to test his grip, nodding when it doesn’t hurt too bad. She’s been bothered by her wrist a lot lately, so much so she eventually let James talk her into going back to her doctor, who advised her to get fitted for a brace. She complied and in about a week she should be the proud new owner of a custom-made brace, though she’d rather not need one at all.

“We won’t be. A few hours is more than enough and you should be nice and relaxed when you get on the plane. Maybe it will help.” With his free hand he starts trailing down her body again, his fingers working their way beneath her shirt and gracing bare skin.

“Maybe,” she says sceptically. “But no hickeys, I don’t want your mom’s first impression of me to be a harsh reminder of her son’s sex life.”

“Too late.” He presses his lips once again to the place where her neck meets her shoulder and gently sucks on her pale skin. If there wasn’t a visible mark before, there sure is now. She whines softly, more from pleasure than from pain or complaint, wrapping one of her legs back around his and stroking the back of his calf with her foot. He releases her hands to tug at her shirt and she seizes the moment to start clumsily unbuttoning his.

———

James’s trick might have done it because somehow Lena managed to spend their entire flight asleep, only waking up when the plane started its descend. The book she packed to try and kill time during the flight is still safely packed in her carry-on. She doesn’t even remember receiving a welcome drink, probably having fallen asleep even before they came by.

They retrieve the suitcase, James rolling it behind him with one arm, his other wrapped around Lena, and exit the airport to the taxis. Lena remains quiet for most of it, still slightly nervous about not being accepted. Not being good enough.

She stares out the window as the cab weaves its way through traffic. She’s lived in Metropolis for years but never on this side of town. The Luthor mansion was on the outskirts and later she moved to a luxurious loft downtown with large windows that probably cost more than most people make in a few years. Definitely not something James’s mother could afford, with her secretary job at a small firm.

She observes the neighbourhoods they pass by, one hand in James’s as he tells her about each important place they happen to pass.

“That’s my old high school. And there’s the basketball court I always played at with my friends.”

Every building, park and road has a story and Lena wants to hear all of them. Later. He gives her the short summary of most of them for now, promising to tell her more when they pass by them again a next time.

Much too soon they’re stopping in front of a terraced house. The cabby gets their luggage from the trunk, placing it on the curb for them. Lena hands him the fee and then some, telling him to keep the change before steeling herself and turning around to face the house.

James carries their big suitcase up the few steps and insists on helping Lena with her small carry-on too. She lets him, something she’s had to learn over the last few months. Sometimes it’s not worth fighting James on helping her. He means well and he usually is right about her having a tendency to overexert herself. She’s still learning what she should and shouldn’t do. What’s immediately too much and what will later prove to be too much when she doesn’t know what the rest of the day brings.

All she has to carry up the steps to the front door is a comic book they came across on the airport and James insisted they buy for his nephew. They’d already gotten him plenty of Christmas gifts — as well as for the rest of James’s family, ordering everything online and having it delivered to his mother directly — but James thought it would be a nice ice breaker for Lena and a way he couldn’t do anything but like her. Kids are always easily bribed with gifts, as long as they’re not betrayed later, which Lena doesn’t plan on doing.

James rings the doorbell and several seconds later the door slowly swings open, showing an empty hallway until a tiny boy appears from behind it to fling himself at James.

“Uncle James!” he screams excitedly, his entire face lighting up as James lifts him.

“Hello buddy. You’ve gotten big.” James pretends to drop the boy, catching him before he actually falls earning him a cheerful screech.

“Dax Kendrick Williams,” a woman starts reprimanding before she’s in view, “what did I tell you about opening the door without supervision?”

“But it’s uncle James.” Dax pouts before being put down, giving Lena a short glance and disappearing behind his mother’s legs right after.

“Well, you didn’t know that before you opened the door, did you? Hi Jimmy,” she greets, moving forward to wrap James in a one-armed hug.

“Hi Livvy.”

“Ohh and this must be your girlfriend. Come in, come in,” she ushers, getting Lena and James out of the cold and closing the door behind them.

James’s look immediately goes mush as he turns his head to look down at Lena standing besides him. “Yes, Livvy, this is Lena. Lena, my sister Olivia.”

“Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot,” Lena greets a little stiffly as she extends her hand. Olivia hold it tight and shakes it energetically, returning the niceties before stepping aside so James can hang his and Lena’s coats on the rack by the door.

“Is that Jimmy?” another voice calls from somewhere beyond the next door. Lena assumes it’s James’s mother calling. He hadn’t mentioned any other women in his family aside from his sister and mother.

Before anyone can answer the question, Dax’s small feet patter on the floor. He stands on the tips of his toes to get the door handle down and throws the door wide open, running inside the next room. “Uncle James was right,” he declares, his high-pitched voice carrying all the way down the hallway, “his girlfriend is really pretty.”

Lena can feel a small blush creeping up her cheeks as James bellows out a deep laugh. Olivia only shakes her head fondly and makes to follow her son inside, taking James’s small carry-on from him before she does so. Lena looks down at the comic book she’s holding. Dax seems too young and too energetic to enjoy something like that. She feels maybe a ball would have been a better gift so he could actually play with it, even if James might have deemed the book suitable.

“Does he even know how to read?” Lena whispers to James, earning herself another laugh.

“No but he likes the pictures and to be read superhero stories before bed.”

They leave their luggage in the narrow hallway, pushing everything against a wall so a small path is still free, only taking the comic book with them to the living room.

“Momma,” James greets the moment he steps inside, immediately making his way over to the smaller woman standing in the open kitchen with Dax. She’s got crow’s feet by her eyes that wrinkle even more when James pulls her in for a hug. Her dirty apron leaving some flour residue on James’s shirt, which she quickly starts patting off of him.

She’s hardly done brushing him clean when her eyes fall on Lena and she drops her apron on a stool to make her way over to her son’s girlfriend.

“You must be Lena,” she tells her, barely waiting for an acknowledgment before she wraps her arms around Lena and gives her a warm welcoming hug.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Olsen,” Lena says when she’s been released again.

“You can call me Mary, dear.”

Lena has to admit she’s a bit taken aback by the warm and friendly welcome she’s receiving and doesn’t respond. Luckily, she doesn’t have to as an alarm in the kitchen goes off and Mrs. Olsen — Mary — hurries away to pull open the oven.

James, noticing Lena’s slight unease, takes her hand and guides her to the sofa where they sit down side by side.

“Dax, come greet Lena,” James asks the boy who hides behind his mother again. “We got you something but you can’t open a present from all the way over there.” That seems to pique his interest and shyly he steps away from his mother, letting go of the fabric of her trousers before making his way over to James and Lena. Lena doesn’t miss the fact he’s deliberately standing as far away from her as he can while still being close to James, her boyfriend’s long legs forming some sort of shield between them.

“Hi,” he mumbles to her, glancing at her quickly before casting his eyes down again.

“Hello, Dax. Nice to meet you,” Lena says, trying to make her voice sound as kind as possible. “We got you something we thought you might like.” She hands him the wrapped book over James’s legs and he receives it, dropping down to the floor as soon as she lets go so he can better unwrap it with his small hands.

“It’s a Wolverine!” he shouts at the top of his tiny lungs when the wrapping paper has been carefully pried away from the flimsy pages of the comic, causing everyone but Olivia to flinch. He punctuates his statement with a loud roar, running over to his mother to show her his present.

“That’s nice of uncle James and Lena,” she tells him. “What do we say then?”

“Thank you uncle James.”

“And?”

“And Lena,” he adds a little softer but with a bright smile, a little less shy towards her now.

“Why don’t you put it in your room with your other books,” Olivia suggests. Dax nods enthusiastically before running out the room and up the stairs.

Without the small bundle of energy running around, Olivia focussed her attention on Lena, politely asking about her work and anything about her relationship with James he hadn’t yet told her. Mary offers them something to drink and puts a plate of freshly baked cookies on the table for them to enjoy.

Lena takes tiny bites from her dinosaur shaped cookie as she answers question after a question and asks a few herself.

“Where’s Adam?” James asks after a while, just as Dax enters the room again.

“Daddy forgot the carrots for Santa’s reindeer so he had to go back and get them,” he states sternly as if he’s the parents scolding their child instead of the other way around. None of the adults can keep in their laughter at his serious face but Dax himself doesn’t even notice, shouting out, “cookies!!” before attacking the small pile and trying to stuff multiple in his mouth. Olivia jumps in quickly and stops him from grabbing more, cradling him on her lap as he enjoys the treats he did manage to grab.

Olivia softly chides Dax for taking so many cookies before setting him down so he can play while she continues the conversation with James, Mary and Lena.

Lena can feel herself relax a little more as time passes and there’s never any mention of her last name, family or of her being James’s boss. From time to time she watches Dax run past with a toy plane, making soft engine noises and unintelligibly narrating a story.

Suddenly, Dax stops in front of Lena and stares intently at her. She tries not to squirm, it’s really unnerving to have a tiny kid look so intense, and smiles softly at him. He breaks eye contact but instead of running along to continue playing, he climbs on the sofa next to her.

“I know my mommy is scary sometimes but you don’t have to be afraid. I’ll keep you safe.” He takes her left hand and that’s when it clicks. She’d been lax and forgotten to hide her left hand. Dax must’ve picked up on the uncontrollable tremor and taken it for fear. She doesn’t really want to explain the misunderstanding, so instead she runs with it.

“Thank you, Dax,” she says, squeezing his hand a little as if he really offers comfort.

Dax looks up at her with a toothy grin and leans into her side a little. “Did you have cookies? Cookies always make it better.”

“I did”

“Which?”

Lena concludes he must mean which shape because there’s nothing else distinguishing the cookies from one another. “A dinosaur.”

“I made those!” Dax cheers proudly.

“And it was very tasty, thank you.”

Satisfied, Dax leans back against her, his head lulling against her arm after a while as his tiredness catches up with him.

Lena had never imagined meeting James’s family would be this easy. She’d never imagined being accepted so effortlessly, let alone be liked and make a new tiny friend. Adam proved just as easy-going as his wife and mother-in-law, accepting Lena without problem.

#Guardiancorp #supergirl #Lena luthor #James olson #fanfic #writing #guardiancorp fanfic #do you know what it's like #my writing

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