#I know some of my followers have adhd diagnoses so...I'd be curious as to your input | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

likeabxrdinflight · 3 years

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ADHD tumblr...I need you guys to help me out for minute, because I’m thinking of bringing this up with my therapist tomorrow (and yes, before you ask, all therapists have their own therapists lol. Or they should. Don’t trust one who doesn’t.)

Anyways. I know I have some difficulty with executive functioning, the question is why. It is possible that I have been masking it most of my life with my intellectual giftedness, particularly in an academic setting where I tend to excel. And I am still managing to mask it all the way up here in a PhD program. But I struggle more with daily living tasks, and I’m afraid it’s going to get me in trouble someday out there in the real world where there can be legal consequences to things like forgetting to do progress notes for a whole month. So...I’m asking for non-professional opinions before I talk to the actual professional tomorrow. So anyways here’s a list of shit that may or may not be ADHD symptoms. For developmental context, I’m 28.

My memory is trash. I forget everything unless I write it down, including things I was going to do within a five minute window- for example I went to the grocery store today, came in, set the bag down on the counter, went to go wash my hands because covid, and then instead of going back to the kitchen, went into my bedroom. Three hours later I emerged to make dinner and the grocery bag was still on the counter, unpacked. (Luckily there were no perishables so we good there.)

Along this same line I have a hard time remembering to pay bills without an automated online payment (those are a lifesaver, but because they exist, this isn’t usually a serious problem). I usually remember appointments and meetings only because I make it a point to put those in my google calendar as soon as the appointment is made, and the alarm reminds me. Otherwise I would 100% forget at least half of them.

I can’t start tasks to save my life. I will sit around all day thinking “okay I have three things on my to-do list” and I will not do them, or maybe I’ll do one or two of them. I get distracted, I procrastinate, I put things off, and I sit around “waiting” to start things- I tell myself I can’t do anything else until I do the chores but then I sit around on youtube for five hours (because I can’t do anything else). Rarely do I cross off everything that was on my to-do list for a single day- usually shit rolls over. The tasks do, however, eventually get done- just never when I planned to and certainly never in a timely manner. This can be mitigated by some kind of deadline (have to clean before leaving on vacation) or social desirability (like if guests are coming over, but I live alone so there’s very little accountability there).

The procrastination problem is also a problem for school work. I will get my work done but it’s usually right at the deadline. I’ve mastered the art of giving myself exactly enough time to get things done, no more no less. I never get work done early, even though I absolutely could and it would often save myself some time and stress. It takes hours to get started- I am often incapable of working in the mornings as a result.

I cannot get work done on the computer without getting distracted. If I’m writing, be it for school or for fun, I will inevitably check tumblr, facebook, emails, etc., once or twice every 30-ish minutes. It is not as much of a problem for tasks that are not on a computer as long as my phone isn’t right next to me. If the phone is right there, I usually check it.

Paying attention in classes is rough at the best of times, it’s infinitely worse now that everything is on zoom. When I was younger I pretty much had to be drawing all over my notes in order to focus- I have largely stopped doing this during my PhD level classes to avoid appearing unprofessional. It has absolutely impacted my focus in a negative way.

I noticed in a meeting the other week that when I was twirling a keychain around my finger (out of sight of the computer screen) I was focusing much better. I also listen better when I’m playing animal crossing during classes (I know that sounds terrible, but hear me out...when I’m playing AC, I’m not as tempted to check emails or tumblr or facebook, so I’m not reading anything else. And AC is pretty mindless. Therefore, I can actually listen to the discussions.)

As a kid I did well in school, generally, but the tendency to draw in classes started when I was like...7 or 8? I never got in trouble for it because my grades were always good. There were definitely times I would daydream, space out, or do other things in classes however. I was that kid who would read books during math (this I did occasionally get caught doing.) Despite this, I was always able to complete homework and in-class assignments easily, and always had good grades up until high school. I did not tend to forget assignments or fail to do them as a child. this may have been a product of my parents’ keeping a pretty strict homework schedule.

The only way I know how to study is rote memorization. I’m pretty good at it. I’m excellent at multiple choice testing and extremely capable of bullshitting essays, to the point that I can skim through readings and manage to cough up As. In high school I got As in English classes while barely reading the books.

In high school the only reason I ever did poorly in any of my classes was because of slacking off and not doing assignments. This was rare (I can only think of two classes during my senior year where I just didn’t do assignments). Typically I did my work, because I cared about my grades, but the issues of procrastinating were definitely starting to get in the way more and more as work became more intense. I can recall pulling some late nighters because I hadn’t started a paper until like 9pm the night before it was due. That continued through college. My grades never reflected this behavior in that I never got Ds or Fs in anything. Cs were rare.

I did however get a B in my intro to psych class because I would forget to do the online quizzes. I got a C in a Spanish class for the same reason- I’d forget the online homework assignments. I got Cs in one of my high school algebra classes because I chose not to do the homework (this was senior year, so take senioritis into account).

I could have had more 4.0 semesters if I hadn’t been that forgetful, but also if I had worked harder. But since I was breezing by with pretty easy 3.5+ semesters, I didn’t. My average GPA tended to hover around a 3.6-3.7 most of my academic career. I was capable of higher.

Along those lines, procrastination and trouble starting things also includes shit I want to do. I could be doing so much more with my life right now- I could be writing books, publishing papers, starting more research projects, writing a blog- there’s a million things I have the capability and potential to do. I’m squandering it all because I can’t fucking start or finish anything. I have so many unfinished projects on my computer, so many half-baked ideas that never get off the ground because I can’t take the initiative, or else can’t finish them. It’s one or the other, typically. I either procrastinate or just get distracted by other things and forget the idea entirely, or waste my days on mindless things like scrolling tumblr or watching youtube or tv. If a project is long and overwhelming it’s doomed from the start, whether it’s a research project or a fanfic.

Hell, I even have a hard time committing to watching a movie sometimes. TV shows aren’t usually a problem unless they’re stupid long (like 100+ episodes).

I am hella dissociative. As a child I could read books for hours and hours on end and get completely lost in them, to the point that sometimes when I did put the book down I experienced momentary depersonalization (this got worse when I was 14 and began to experience chronic dp/dr symptoms). I cannot do this anymore, but I do still dissociate and do still hyperfixate on fiction (as evidenced by this blog lol).

...and yeah, I do hyperfixate. If you’re someone who remembers my Cora Mills RP blog, you should know this well. I’ve not had a sustained hyperfixation like that in...a while, but when I do get into something I go all in to an absurd degree until the fixation changes.

I know rejection sensitivity is an ADHD thing, but in myself I genuinely could not tell you how severe it is in comparison to a typical person with ADHD or if that comes from a childhood of being largely socially rejected by my peers or is more neurological. Rejection and feeling ignored does activate me emotionally to a degree that is...unpleasant, but it’s hard to separate that from some of the more traumatic aspects of my childhood experiences. Video evidence of myself at a young age suggests peer rejection in school and possibly a traumatic experience in the second grade may have changed my personality a bit- there’s home videos of me when I was in kindergarten and younger and I come across as quite confident and even a little bossy. I remember myself as shy and quiet, however.

I am perfectly able to read social cues and came across as mature for my age when I was a kid. I have always had age appropriate friendships. I am a little behind developmentally when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships, but I attribute that to growing up queer in a sexually repressive environment + being demisexual.

I do, however, have a hard time keeping in touch with friends once we are no longer in each others’ day to day lives, even my absolute closest friend in the world. She does have an ADHD diagnosis and also struggles with the same thing.

I am not especially hyperactive, though I do bounce my leg a lot when otherwise sitting still. This started around middle school age. Rocking chairs are my friend, I’m sitting in one now.

I did not have meltdowns from being overstimulated like many kids with ADHD I have worked with. I was always able to flex with changes in routine and was not the kind of child that needed several warnings before switching tasks.

I am not especially sensitive to sensory stimuli, though harsh flourescent lighting has bothered me ever since I developed dp/dr at 14.

I do, however, lose track of time easily.

Alternative explanations for all this may be generalized anxiety, religious/interpersonal trauma from growing up queer at a catholic school, or the brief bought of depersonalization/derealization disorder that occurred when I was 14 (this was related to the aforementioned trauma). The dp/dr symptoms got manageable after some time, to the point I know I don’t meet full diagnostic criteria anymore, but I was never the same after that. Most of the stuff mentioned above got worse after this.

I am a mental health professional myself with training in how to diagnose ADHD, and so the more I’ve been trained in that the more I’ve started seeing these signs in myself. However, without testing I’m not able to tease this apart from the other things that could be causing executive dysfunction in me. So I do want to take this to another professional- I suppose my only question is does the ADHD theory even hold weight, or does the dissociation/anxiety explanation work better. There are certainly some signs that as a kid I may have had problems that were well masked, but I know there was a deterioration when I was 14 that had to do with pretty significant dissociation. So that’s the question, I guess.

#I know some of my followers have adhd diagnoses so...I'd be curious as to your input #adhd

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adhdtogether · 3 years

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Hi, I just recently saw you answer an ask about inattentive ADHD and I was just wondering... What does the diagnosis process look like? I seriously think I may have ADHD (most likely also inattentive if I had to guess) and I'm just curious if my GP would be the guy to diagnose me (if so I'm toast) or if I'd have to go to a psychiatrist or get neuropsych testing or what I'd have to do. Also if you have any advice for broaching the subject that'd be great! I'm 17 if that changes the process at all

Hello!

Short answer, I believe in the US you need to be assessed and diagnosed by a psychiatrist. You can be diagnosed through a questionnaire assessment or through testing via a computer test. You might go through a therapist or psychologist first, but only a psychiatrist can prescribed medication.

Depending on your/your parents’ insurance, you might need to get a referral from your GP. It sounds like your GP might be a dumbass, so if he gives you pushback, keep trying! Ask for a second opinion if he won’t give you a referral, or see if your insurance has a dedicated mental health phone line.

I was diagnosed as an adult, so I don’t know how the process changes if you’re under 18. My guess is that you’d need your parents’ sign-off on any testing or diagnostics. (Anyone else have any insight on this to share?)

In terms of broaching the subject, I basically said some combination of, “A friend of mine [nobody needed to know it was folks on tumblr!] was telling me about their experiences with ADHD, and it sounded really familiar to me.” and/or “I’ve been doing some research on ADHD, and a lot of things sounded like me.” Followed up with “I’d like to talk to someone about getting assessed/diagnosed.”

Long answer, for me, the process went like this:

Call the mental health line of my insurance provider. Tell them I’m pretty sure I have ADHD and would like to pursue a diagnosis.

Do a phone screening with a person who was convinced I had depression, not ADHD. She told me that they couldn’t test for ADHD because it’s an in-person computer test and they aren’t doing them due to COVID. But she still set me up with a therapist for further assessment. (This was the worst part of the process.)

Talk to a therapist who BELIEVED ME and said, “Yeah, there’s an in-person test, but I can also do an assessment for ADHD over the phone.” She went through a questionnaire with me that took about 20 minutes. It was questions about all kinds of things from work/school experiences to finances to personal relationships, answered on a Never/Sometimes/Often/Very Often scale. She then asked more in-depth follow up questions on the things I answered “Often” or “Very Often” to (which was most of them!)

Be told that I very likely have ADHD and asked what I’d like to do from here. Learn that talk therapy is not usually indicated for ADHD, but medication is. Be referred to a psychiatrist.

Wait 3 weeks for a psych appointment.

Go through a similar Q&A with the psychiatrist. Answer more in-depth questions.

Get a prescription for Adderall and schedule a 6 week follow-up appointment.

#ask #answered #adhd #adhd diagnosis #sunshinehl #lol short answer was not so short

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