#I m jsut so ough

[phantom-does-a-thing]

how is a man expected to live in these conditions (does not elaborate)

#my brain refuses to elaborate #but I cannot live in these conditions (does not know what anything is referring to) #I m jsut so ough #my chest feels tight and nothing is like #I dont want to DO anything #doing anything seems too much work and I dont want to do it #rambling #phever dreams with phantom #im trying to listen to riptide bc I was painting earlier but nnow that im done painting #I just ough #I cannot focus on this #and I was gonna play video games so I could continue listining #but that feels bad too #idk man everyhing is just wrong

[hellonoblesky]

The more I look back at the series that really struck a chord with me as a child, like very deeply hit me at my core and that I read over and over again because I was actually CAPTIVATED by them are all books that stuff in it that like.

I don't know the words for it exactly but when Zita the Space Girl fell into another world to save her best friend and selflessly threw herself forward to save people even if it wasn't HER doing the saving, she still wanted to help no matter what. And she DID help. Even as she was hunted down and put in prison, even as she thought she'd never see the friend she originally came to this world to save again, and when she got overwhelmed by the attention she RAN AWAY because of course she did!! SHE WAS A KID!! And she KNEW she was just the figurehead because of her charisma, it was Randy and Mouse and Piper and One and Madrigal, everyone, all of her friends/family she'd made along the way. She's special to them all because she never gives up hope and she brought them together so they'd be able to do the things they did and she REALLY WAS STILL JUST A KID!!!!

Or like everything about Emily in Amulet, and how she's angry and impulsive and she IS a firebird she IS a phoenix she falls into ashes and burns and falls into ashes and burns and her story starts with loss, and she keeps losing, but she digs her nails in to hold onto every win she can. How her first interaction with Trellis is him trying to kill her under the control of i-forget-it's-name but you know the little creature thingy if you know you KNOW ok but they end up allies in the end and HES REACHING OUT TO SAVE HER??? And how Emily deals with too much power put on her shoulders at a young age and being the eldest daughter in an already scarred family thrown into another WORLD just parallel to ours??? HELLO?? How she deals with such betrayal from Max, how she has such close encounters with things that control time and space and monsterous things that kill and control and. and and she's so Stable and Strong but at the same time she is so defined by her burning rage-determination.

Or just everything about BONE?? GOD. The war. The closeness of the valley, the weaving evils of the rat creatures and the Locust. THE DRAGONS?? THE DRAGON QUEEN????? The way in the end it's greed and hell and chaos that started that war and how Thorn was given this. this destiny sort of thing AND IT HAS BENE MUCH LONGER SICNE I READ BONE THAN IT HAS SINCEI READ AMULET OR ZITA BUT GOD. HER STORY AND ROSE'S STORY STICK WITH ME SOOO MUCH. ROSE ANDD BRIAR ALONE?? THE WAY LUCIUS ENDS UP DYING AT THE END AND HES WHO THEY FOUGHT OVER BEFOER OH MJY GGOD. AND BARTLEBY?? BEINGA LITERALL CREATURE AND OTHERED BUT HE'S JSUT SOOME LIL GUY HES JSUT A GUY IOH M YDGOD. Also the LOCUST being the symbol i am. sorry . I jsut. OUGH. GOD. DEVOURERER OF LIFE the LOCUST. The GREED of a SWARM the DEVASTATION that bLOCKED OUT SKYS I could talk about Locusts as living destruction for EVER AND EVER AND the CYCLE of REBIRTH AND GROWING AND., AND SAUFDHSGJSDZGKHGDGHJKHDS

Also calvin and hobbes. If you know you KNOW.

#SORRY FOR THIS BEING LKE AN ESSAY?? ALMSOT?? IM BEING INSANE ABOUT MEDIA RN #turtledove yells into the abyss #amulet #zita the space girl #bone #Insanity. the insanity is so real. #GOD. ZITA THE SPACEGIRL IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME SHES SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

[caruliaa]

ohhhhkay it is for sure time for me to sleep i am. rlly in need of sleep consitently these days which imsure you understand peaches JSBSJ although i mean i guess needing sleep is also j a human thing but like you know what i mean!! BSBSJ…anywayyy i feel like that ramble shows that i am tired so sorry if this all doesnt make much sense but uhmmm omggg i love you sosososooo muchhhh jules like oughghhh;;;…. you are so incredibly amazing and skilled and cute and lovely and wonderful and so so good and like. you are also such an unbelievably great friend like you are so very thoughtful and understanding and caring and you always make me feel do warm and safe and loved and also make my days so much brighter and better and happier and just like talking to u and being w u in any capacity is so very amazing that just. i am sosososoooo grateful to know you like so grateful and feel so lucky we met and also just like i really hope i can be the same for you and make you feel like loved and make ur life brighter and stuff like!!! i really do care sm about you and always j love u sm no matter what like. i love youuuuu (hugs you tight for as long ad u like if u like!!💕💕💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻🌸🌸🌸💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻✨✨🫶🏻🫶🏻💕🌸🌸💕💕💕)

yeayea i understand the need for sleep so much both in terms of it being a human tihng to need to sleep but also in the way that like yea i understand i understnad it sm like. the need to sleep is so strong and such a force in my life trully so i get it i get it sm <3 but ogh omg tysm for being so sweet and kind to me belvoed ough it rly does mean sm to me how kinf and sweet u r to me and ough i hope you know thti m soso glad thti can be a good friend to you my belvoed and be thoughtful and understand and caring to you and tht i can help you to feel loved and cared for belvoed i rly am bc i rly rly do just want to be bc u rly rly do deserve it so so much and just il rly so so much want to my belvoed and like to make u feel happy and make ur days brighter nad happier and stuff when we talk so im rly rly so so glad tht i can whenever talk and sutff and i hope you know tht it rly rly is the same for me sm and i just love tlaking with u sm always and i hiope oyu know thtu rly rly do so so much make me feel so so loved and cared for and make my life sm birghter nad happier nad im jsut rly rly so os glad and greatful for you anbd to know you blevoedi rly lry amm and yea i justy love you soso much i hope u know i rly rly do !!! :'> *hugs you back soso much for quite a while if u wish mx*💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💗💗💗💗💗💗💗/p

#im so sorry for not answering earleir been having a rough night nd stuff but ya ilusm :'> #flappy rambles #asks #lucy ! #fave #(edit: the /p feels kinda weird to add when its basically a given but it my way of telling the new fololowers i got from the bingus post #not to be weirdos yk)

[chainsawb0y]

ough my hairs getting so long its making me super dysphoric but i dont know anyone who does hair and i cant afford hairdresser prices bc theyre all £20+ and i m fucking  p o o r

im at the point where i jsut wanna cut my fuckin chest open and rip out those fuckin things and just put my hair in a fucking blender tbfh

#dysphoria venting

[gayspock]

dont rb/ rply. last vent post im sorry fuck s s ake

a few fucking days ago my stupid fuckoing ass almos t threw up in the woods on the way home because of a fuckign br eakdow n and i Feel like im fucking gonna ag ain be cause i js ut. i cant !!  and i cant eve n e xp ress it any more: i just fucking c ant i fucking CANT cant CANT - bec ause !! THAT’S all im ever capable of . fucking Incapabilit y. just. aga in just fucking wond erful, and sure as FUCK i do l o v e hwne poeple come yelling a t you WELL NO ONE’S ENTIRELY US ELESS YOU MUST BE GOOD AT SOMETHING and y EAH ye ah I HSOULD be i ahsould be i sho jld be i  cant be this m u ch of a f ailure i cant be i cant be but  why am i wh y . cna t i  j us t get a single  thing RIGHT fo ro nce, why  am i js ut. so so s o fuc k i ng. i j sut. eve n if i try , its alw ays so wo rthless - so fucking p o int elss, and its NEVER enough its never en o guh, and I wish i was en ough for just SOMETHING but im NOT and  what do i HAVE m AN WHAT DO I HAVE a t this fucking p o int be cause  i c ant fucking???  . i cant. fucking do any thing i m such a fucking sutpid wa s te of sp ace and i jsut fucking dr ain everything and ir r itate eveyrtone and jsut. i fucking c ant take it i fuckign c ant t ake livign l ike that i cant im such a fucking nui sance ive alw ays be en nothing mOre but a fucking stupdi fuckign brat tha t just wont fuckign behave and i jsut fu cking wi sh i  cou ld but i ne ver c an why cant you eve r jsut get it ri ght for once WHY not and i dont FUCKING know, AND FUCK  wa s i foo lish!! fu ck was i so so s fuckign sutpdi , and i wi hs id jsut fucking died , i wish i’d just fucking K illed my fucking self    than fo ol my self into fuckgin thibnkign i could ever do anyhting fuckign rigth ever bec ause why !! why man why the FUCK doy uo bother, why the fu ck do you even t ry>??? youve got NOTHING - NO ONE WANTS YOU, everyoens jsut. PISSED off with you be cuase youre a FUCKING he adcase a dn a fuCKING nuisance and you wo nt eve n T alk di rectly to th em and a ll you do is INEVITABLY JUST. DISAPPOIINT be cause STUPID . im so so fuck ing stupidf  im so s o fuckign sutpid and fuckign why cant i sjut. something ple ase ple ase i jsut wfucking wi sh i could do something ri ght   i fuck ing ha t emy self i fuckgin ha te tha  t i jsut  . i  just wi sh i wasnt ina dequcate, i wi sh i wa s jsut Eno ugh to at least be w orth someth ing   i fucking f eel si ck i fuckig  cant fucking s tand mny self i jsut fuckgin want to ri p my shtity fucking wo rthless ass ap art with d amn an gfe r b ecause ev n i cant fucking take it  even i cant fuckign tkae the GOD DAMBHN fuckign annoy ance any m or e i jsut. i fuck ing  cant i fucki ng cant fucking 

#egg.txt #suicide m - #self harm m - #vomit m -

[gayspock]

dont rb dont rply m sorry i making a lot this last one hh

the feleing never fuckin goes awy a it never ufcinf leave s huh th e fucking feeling of my go d. my fucking go d i jsut. lik e it feels wr ong it f eels so fucing wrong and i jsut want someone o fucking kic k the shitout of me like i deserve and i dont kn ow i dont even fuckin care if it s fucking wr ong any more i fuckig cant i jsut fucking itching and eveyrthing screeaming i just fucign. m so fuck ing revolting !!! heheheheh and i jsut fuc kign Want it  i c ant fucking stan d it any more i jsut fuck ing wsant someone to fucing yell at me and to hi t me because i can tufcking stand it an more i jsut fucking wnt it to hrut like a mother fuc ker to take away how fucki ng. h orri ble the ufck ing. my go d i jus.t dont you ever fe el the bur den of yourself and youre just so fuckcing ang ry like its so so fucking supd and i jsut . hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if uc king cant do i t man i fucking just want to fucking cave my fucking skull in and the fucki ng thought of walking into traffic isnt en ough anymore i fucing wan it to fucking hurt like he ll an feel the fufcking burning ad feel EVERYHING beca use god if i dont fuck ing h hsihad a i dont c are i dont careevrythings so numb  and i feel sic k and dnnnnnnnnnnn

#egg.txt #cant tag