#I swear I love my headmates but it gets annoying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justabunchofcrows · 2 years

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OURNAOURNAOURNAOURNAOURNAOURNA

Hullo, this is a roleplay blog for Philza’s Crows!

I’m playing a crow named Peg or Night, and their pronouns are he/they. My headmate plays Brian, and his pronouns are he/she/they/it :)

Asks are welcome and encouraged!

I also make Text To Speech audios, so feel free to send asks/submissions that I can turn into audios!

Disclaimers/Rules:

In universes I play in, I am NOT a direct character and sending me asks about various characters in those roleplays won’t make their admins post faster, they have stuff to do sometimes and do this in their free time, just like I do :D

Keep in mind, I am playing a character! Peg/Night will make bad choices, lie on purpose or through ignorance, misunderstand things, be hypocritical, forget stuff, choose not to answer certain asks, or say things that might come off mean - that doesn’t mean me, the admin of the blog, hates you! I promise! I love to get asks and to answer them, and it’s very hard to annoy me. <3

Please don't pester other blogs about us! Unless it’s pertinent to their rp [i.e. Peg is one of Bedrockverse!Phil’s mods, Night has promised Yaoiverse!Phil to collect info for him] I carry out setting up rp in dms before it happens most of the time.

I am Not Good at tags, I have a memory disorder! I don’t tag triggers for this reason. Please keep yourself safe and consider not following me if an untagged trigger may hurt you. <3

This blog is largely SFW, and generally only contains casual suggestive language or swearing. This blog does contain infrequent mentions/descriptions of animal death with no chance of visual gore stronger than blood imagery, mild religious themes, frequent mentions of fire, arson, stealing, and death. Please keep yourself safe.

Please do not send me visual gore stronger than blood imagery or explicitly sexual messages.

I try to caption all audios make, and any text that is red or green I try to remember to put a plaintext version under a cut. If I miss any or there’s anything else I can do to my posts and reblogs to make them easier to read, please let me know and I’ll do my best.

Links:

My main is @bumblebee-error :) that blog mostly for replies at the mo, the one I use most often and regularly dump dsmp lore analysis and general posts on is @bumblebeerror . It’s also where I attempt to remember to post that I’m live on Twitch, but it doesn’t usually pan out. I’m working on it :)

| Donate to The Sarcoma Foundation |

#moderator

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memoriesofthecircularroom · 2 years

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I posted 626 times in 2021

142 posts created (23%)

484 posts reblogged (77%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.4 posts.

I added 878 tags in 2021

#dissociative identity disorder - 186 posts

#did - 186 posts

#plural - 136 posts

#syscourse - 71 posts

#mod curtis - 67 posts

#endogenic - 61 posts

#mod numb - 55 posts

#traugmatic - 51 posts

#traumagenic - 41 posts

#mod sierra - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#and i also don't particularly like the dissociative community due to the constant constant attacking of others who don't fit your norm

My Top Posts in 2021

Curious, because we’ve always figured this was part of our DID, but…

Does anyone else have hallucinations? When we were a younger system, Rice swears she saw me moving IRL. And Curtis saw a spider once and freaked out - even though 1, he’s not normally scared of them, and 2, there wasn’t one there.

Just curious. I was told at one point that systems can hallucinate, but I’ve never seen that in the DSM (or maybe I did and forgot. Lord only knows now.)

39 notes • Posted 2021-10-21 03:09:04 GMT

Reminder (for myself and others)

You owe people nothing. You can block people for any reason!! You do NOT need to follow people or even scroll a tag with people who are incredibly negative.

I say this one primarily because of endo hate again. I owe people who are viciously against it nothing. If seeing those posts angers me, there is absolutely no reason for me to read those posts, and I am under no moral obligation to not block them. I do not need to be Completelg Informed of Every Single Point of View, nor do I need to be a bastion of information on every topic.

40 notes • Posted 2021-07-31 14:00:28 GMT

Hey, since it’s been bothering me seeing this hot take lately, but I haven’t been brave enough to put it on my actual positivity blog, I’m gonna post this one here:

Shout out to those systems who *do* look at their system as a good thing. Who see themselves as a collection of friends or family, who enjoy their plurality. I’m one of those systems, and (often tied into syscourse) I’ve seen a lot of people bitching lately about how you “don’t just enjoy having headmates.”

But I do. And so so many other traumagenic systems. I love my family. Please stop sweeping us up in your hatred of endos. It’s getting annoying, to say the least.

45 notes • Posted 2021-12-07 11:32:04 GMT

Alright. Saw a post memeing about Jekyll and Hyde, and it reminded me of a few things I wished to discuss. I wasn’t about to write all of this on a meme post, though, so here are my thoughts.

I’m an English teacher, formerly English major, and I wrote my final thesis in college in the representations of DID in literature, and why (as literary scholars) we should stop using MPD as our lens of psychological criticism and focus on DID instead.

Was my thesis flawed? Absolutely! Do I know more now? 100%.

But.

I always see people talking about how connecting Jekyll and Hyde (and other stories that deal with two people, “one good and one sinister,” who ultimately belong to the same body) with DID is ableist. I see people bashing others for suggesting it’s DID.

I… really connect with Jekyll and Hyde. I used to feel the story was a bit silly, but once I realized everything going on with myself, I realized how much of myself I saw in Jekyll and Hyde.

Someone takes over the body without my consent? Check. Someone does things I would never do, some that actively harm others or myself? Check. Part of me wishes I could kill that other part of myself? Okay, that used to be the case, but we’re far healthier now. So. Half-check.

I connected strongly with Jekyll and Hyde, and I still connect with it. I still connect with the other two stories (well, story and poem) that I analyzed in my thesis. And connecting with those stories gave me an outlet to examine my own disorder in a healthy way, detached from the trauma I was still experiencing.

Do I think Jekyll and Hyde is Top Tier DID Representation? HELL no. But I also hate that I feel I can’t enjoy the story and connect with it on a level of DID Analysis, especially when it’s relatable to me.

And there’s my two cents ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

49 notes • Posted 2021-06-18 01:57:12 GMT

Keep seeing amazing posts that I agree with that I’m not reblogging out of respect because ‘Endos and their supporters DNI’ is written on the post. Posts which have literally absolutely nothing to do with Endogenic systems. So, here’s a collection of some things I’ve seen that I agree with that I can’t reblog:

1. Don’t fuck with your persecutors - they’re part of you, same as any other alter.

2. Multi-fragmented systems are valid, absolutely. The size of your system doesn’t invalidate anything about who you are.

3. Integration is not murder - it is just one (completely valid) goal for healthy systems. There are other (Equally valid, equally healthy) goals that systems can choose to aim for instead.

4. Self dx is absolutely valid, and your experiences are real because they are your experiences. Don’t let anyone convince you you’re faking.

5. Claiming that someone is faking is one of the worst things you can do, and you shouldn’t do it. Period.

6. Fictives are valid

7. Alters who date each other/others are valid

meh. there’s too many. I’m just getting very tired of this community creating hard division lines...

67 notes • Posted 2021-07-23 03:33:38 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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izuora · 7 years

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How my tulpas help with social anxiety

I was asked to write a bit about social anxiety and how my headmates have helped me with that. I'd love to help out, so let me begin :)

My self-worth and confidence were pretty much non-existent when I started high school. Back then, I realised that my imaginary friends helped me to feel better about myself, but it also caused more isolation and that attracted more bullying. Being a rather gentle soul, I didn't understand why they were picking on me.

My social anxiety only got worse and it wasn't until I started roleplaying that I got back into 'imaginary friends' again. My daemon was first to come to life and support me, making life a bit easier to cope with. During my time in England where I stayed for a year working as an aupair, my friend told me about tulpas and headmates and I wasn't sure what to think of them at first. It sounded scary (I think many think like that at first) but as time progressed, my headmates slowly grew closer to me. It came to a point where I sat on the train, feeling incredibly sad for a reason I cannot remember and there was Fai, sitting across me and starting to talk to me. He was just there; popping up out of the blue, without me trying to make him up like I used to do with my imaginary friends.

When it comes to him helping me with anxiety, he is a major asset when I feel overwhelmed or going into a panic attack. Despite being a little shy, Fai has no social anxiety and will co-front or fully front when I'm starting to become wary or nervous. When he fronts, it's as if a veil of calm falls over me, slowing down my heartbeat and continues with whatever I had set out to do. Where my anxiety is heavily triggered when I make eye contact with strangers for too long, he can casually keep their gaze for a few seconds and won't be bothered by it at all. I need my earphones to distract me when I start to feel nervous, but Fai has the ability to remain relaxed and has actually been fronting at work for me as well.

When I feel annoyed or moody before going to work, I will most definitely have more issues with my anxiety so I ask him to 'fill my morning' for me. He does this gladly, for he wants me to feel happy and at ease. The children actually respond in a different way to him when he fronts as well. Fai has angelic patience; like, I thought I was patient but when you see him around the kids, nothing seems to get to him. It's crazy, but very nice as well since it creates a serene atmosphere for the children and when he fronts in the morning of me, I'm not fully aware of what he does. It's like I'm drowsy and half asleep, only hearing and catching snippets of what he's doing. I trust him with my life, so I know that things will go well. When I feel capable to take over, it's like my essence carefully replaces Fai's energy and he will fade back into the passengers seat or into my headspace.

Jodie has been fronting for a few times as well and I've got to say that my confidence was upgraded in ten fold :P She's one of those 'I'm all happy and nice but if you mess with me, you'll get it back even harder' type of girl. Instead of gently moving to the front seat, Jodie has a knack to suddenly pipe up or move into co-fronting/fronting, usually when she's triggered by one of her triggers. She's a lover of fast rides, which my brother obviously would love and she is very sociable, which can sometimes be a little overwhelming for introverted me XD Overall, she often fronts in short spurs and is likely to co-front, which makes for a balanced combination of feeling confident and gentle at the same time.

Maelynn has been co-fronting a couple of times, which gives me a mixture of Jodie and Fai in personality (all my combos of personalities are pretty confusing at times..) and the funny thing that she does, or doesn't is swear. If I can't tell who is co-fronting with me, all I have to do is respond to something that will get either Jodie to swear or have Maelynn reply with a made up swear word that doesn't sound bad ^^"

The girls and Fai have been very good in aiding me with overcoming anxiety, since none of them experience it and I believe they have been unconsciously created to help me deal with it. Ryan is also a big help, but he helps me mostly with anger. Being a sarcastic and at times grumpy, moody man, Ryan has a short temper and finds it difficult to keep his anger under control. Together with his electrical abilities that he has (from roleplay stories), he can easily instill anxiety in me. One would say that he does the opposite from my other headmates, but when he uses his power to get rid of the built-up anger inside of me, it is clear that he has the right intentions. He has fronted as well and it's interesting to say that he won't speak Dutch. He's an American, after all, so it has created some amusing situations where he fronted because I was so upset and angry. One time, he went out to the store to buy a drink as I was in the backseat calming down and the lady at the counter seemed a little taken aback by his presence. I get the feeling that, when Ryan fronts that my energy changes and she kind of confirmed it, muttering a 'you're welcome' as he gave her a smirk with his 'thanks'. It was pretty hilarious and I do remember that quite well.

For some reason, especially when Ryan fronts I have a hard time to remember what has happened. It's as if he pushes me further than just a passengers seat, making my vision and hearing blurry as if watching it like a dream. It happens when my headmates fully front, but with Ryan it definitely is the most intense for I can't remember much of what happened when we switch back.

These are my experiences so far, I hope I've answered any questions and I'm always open for a chat if I should elaborate more into this subject :)

#headmates #tulpamancy #thoughtforms #ryan #fai #maelynn #jodie #social anxiety

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kaleraniel · 7 years

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100 questions for dæmons

#100 questions for dæmons #q and a

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pennywaltzy · 6 years

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The Cacophony Of Life (3/6)

And I’m on a roll! ::grins:: Be warned, there is more angst in this chapter and the next...BUT! IT GETS BETTER!

The Cacophony Of Life - From birth, every person can hear the music that their soul mate hears, whether it’s music that they’re playing, listening to or singing along to, in their mind. Measures can be taken to lessen the sound, but there are times when the sound is too much, too overwhelming. For years, Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper use their connection to each other through the music they both hear to communicate: first to annoy each other as children, then to care for each other as teenagers and young adults, and finally to express the longing that hopefully one day, and one day soon, they’ll meet each other face to face and express the love that’s grown between them throughout the years.

Read Part 1 | Read Part 3 | Help Me Survive? | Commission Me?

October 1995 Sherlock George Frideric Handel, “Water Music: Suite No. 1 in F major, HWV 348” Molly Oasis, “Wonderwall”

His headmate seemed to have gotten through her problems well enough.

Her, now, he was absolutely sure of it. The music she listened to had drifted back to the “boy bands,” but at least they were somewhat tolerable this time around. And British. That quite obviously helped. This song she was listening to was reminiscent of an old band his parents preferred, The Beatles. If he remembered correctly, that was precisely what they were supposed to evoke.

He supposed he should hate them on sight because it was exactly what his parents would listen to if they listened to the modern music his headmate did.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would Like to say to you But I don't know how

Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall

This song, at least, had rather apt lyrics. His headmate probably would be the one who saved him. He was going down darker roads, indulging in things he really shouldn’t, and she had the uncanny ability to know when to play certain things. Like now. He looked at the syringe and then set it back in its hidey-hole before turning down the music he’d used to drown out the world outside him. He grabbed his cigs instead and lit up, concentrating on the last vestiges of the song.

I said maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me You're gonna be the one that saves me You're gonna be the one that saves me

November 1996 Molly The Smashing Pumpkins, “Farewell and Goodnight” Sherlock Ludwig van Beethoven, “The Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor "Quasi una fantasia", Op. 27, No. 2”

She’d developed a habit of playing something by The Smashing Pumpkins at night. Nothing loud and heavy; no, the softer songs. She could hear her headmate humming along to most of them and she realized she had converted him at some point.

She was fairly sure her headmate was a bloke, and not that she would mind if it had been a girl like her, but...well, she was discovering boys in a more profound way and she found herself hoping her headmate had certain traits. She’d like him to be tall, with dark hair. She wanted him to have eyes she could get lost in, and the color didn’t really matter, but she supposed blue would be...well, quite dashing.

She didn’t even need him to be handsome because she already knew he was kind. He used his music to show that. He let her listen to her own music when she needed as though he just knew.

It was nearing time to sleep, so she stopped humming the Beethoven song he had been playing and soon the song in her head dimmed to silence. Then she put on her CD and went to what she assumed was one of his favourite songs, by how he hummed it, by how comforting it was to hear the song and his humming be the thing that let her sleep.

Goodnight, to every little hour that you sleep tight May it hold you through the winter of a long night And keep you from the loneliness of yourself Heart strung is your heart frayed and empty Cause it's hard luck, when no one understands your love It's unsung, and I say Goodnight, my love, to every hour in every day Goodnight, always, to all that’s pure that's in your heart

January 1997 Sherlock Edvard Grieg, “In The Hall Of The Mountain King” Molly Spice Girls, “Say You’ll Be There”

He was a bloody adult in all the ways that mattered! Didn’t his parents realize that? Didn’t Mycroft? He didn’t need a bloody keeper, especially one that felt it was perfectly fine to drop in at will at uni!

Christ, he’d been close to...doing something he didn’t want his brother to know he still did. One night, his brother had found him in a doss house, where the song in his head had been the only thing keeping him awake. A litany of hard, bracing rock in his ears making it impossible for him to succumb. He had the feeling his headmate had had no idea how close she was to losing him that night.

And he had tried, so hard, to be good, for this invisible person on the other end of the tether that united them. But then his brother had to meddleand “In The Hall Of The Mountain King” came on at full blast. Part of him hoped it didn’t bother his headmate.

Part of him didn’t care.

The song was building to its grand conclusion when the most syrupy sweet pop song began blasting in his head. The shock between the two styles caused him to switch off the volume of his music to silence, practically pleading with his headmate to please turn it down.

Not that she complied. And well...he probably deserved it for being a prat.

She finally lowered the volume after a few of the sung lyrics being sung so it didn’t sound so much like a foghorn in his head and he could focus.

I'm giving you everything all that joy can bring this I swear (I give you everything) And all that I want from you is a promise you will be there Say you will be there (Say you will be there) Won't you sing it with me

Despite it all, a smile pulled at his lips. “I’ll be there,” he sang, not sounding anything like the song.

The song stopped abruptly and there was silence for a long minute, so long that he wasn’t sure his singing had frightened her off. In all the years they had done this, neither of them had ever sung in response.

And then, much more softly, he heard “In The Hall Of The Mountain King” being played for him. What exactly did that mean? The smile dropped off his face then.

What had he done?

March 1998 Molly Savage Garden, “Truly Madly Deeply” Sherlock Gustav Mahler, “Symphony No. 1 in D Major: III. Feierlich und gemessen, ohne zu schlepped”

She’d purposely and pointedly refused to listen to music for almost a year. She could still hear everything her headmate played when he played it, and every night she nearly cried herself to sleep when “their” song was played by him.

And then his music slowed to a trickle.

Then it stopped.

She had no idea if other people who had headmates did...this. Used music to interact, to soothe, to irritate. But after he had sung she had blanked at that. Never, in all that time, had either of them done that and he had such a lovely voice and why did she cut him off?

She needed him as much as he needed her. And it took her over a year to realize that. A year of increasing silence and sadness and…

No.

She loved him and she needed to tell him.

She had taken to wearing noise-canceling headphones when she was anywhere except in class. And frankly, she was tired of cutting herself off from the person who somehow had been deemed perfect for her before her birth.

She’d asked her best mate Meena what song she could play, and when the whole story had tumbled out regarding her headmate Meena had pressed this CD in her hand and told her “Truly, Madly, Deeply” would do the trick.

She hoped her bestie was right.

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy I'll be your hope I'll be your love Be everything that you need I'll love you more with every breath Truly, madly, deeply do I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on A new beginning A reason for living A deeper meaning, yeah

The response started slowly and...it sounded mocking, almost. As though he didn’t believe her. The more she listened the more she felt as though she wanted to cry. No, no, no, this wasn’t what she had wanted, not at all!

She stopped the CD suddenly, listening to the mocking symphony in her head as tears fell. And then it stopped, almost as suddenly, and there was silence again. Fine. If he wanted silence?

He would get bloody silence.

#sherlock #sherlolly #sherlock holmes #molly hooper #fanfic #fanfiction #mollock #elliedilly #multipart: the cacophony of life #tw: drugs

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