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nicknellie · 3 years

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I had Thoughts™️ about Reggie so I wrote them down. A lot of what I say in this post will be me drawing from my own experiences so I’m asking everyone to be respectful when adding to this or giving criticism or whatever.

TW for dementia, specifically Alzheimer’s.

When Reggie was little, until about the age of five, he was really close with his grandfather (on his father’s side)

His grandmother had died long before Reggie was born, so his grandad lived alone

When little Reggie visited or when his grandad babysat him, Reggie would always have the time of his life

His grandad was a talented artist - he and Reggie would paint together, and no matter what Reggie’s end product was his grandad would stick it to the fridge and proudly ruffle Reggie’s hair

Reggie would help his grandad in the garden because caring for his plants was always a comfort to his grandad

His grandad would tell little Reggie stories about all the plants - how the fuchsias were little ballerinas, and toadstools were their homes, and how the dandelions would dance with the daisies and the daffodils

Reggie loved hearing all his grandad’s stories and they always made him giggle

They would play music together too; his grandad had a marvellous old grand piano and although Reggie was more suited to guitar he enjoyed plonking out chords to go with the pieces his grandad would play

One day, when Reggie was six, his father picked him up from school early

They drove straight past Reggie’s house, so Reggie asked where they were going

His father told him very simply, trying not to frighten or worry him, that his grandad had tripped over so they were going to go to the hospital to see if he was alright

Reggie was immediately worried - he didn’t want to see his grandad hurt

They found out that when he fell his grandad had hit his head and hip - his hip was broken and while he was in hospital he needed multiple surgeries all very close to one another in order to keep him alive

He was in hospital for months, having surgery after surgery

The doctors hadn’t thought that the head injury was that serious and they had been correct, but the many surgeries caused some sort of other trauma to Reggie’s grandad

Eventually, he was discharged from hospital and Reggie’s dad bought him a frame to help him walk

As the months and years went by, Reggie started to notice small changes in his grandfather’s behaviour

It started with the smallest things

“Blast,” his grandad would say, “I’ve lost my bloody keys, I bet that awful neighbour stole them!”

And little Reggie, only seven and very confused, would say, “They’re here on the table, grandad.”

And his grandad, usually mild-mannered and very kind to Reggie, would snatch them up off the table and snap, “You probably put them there, trying to hide them from me. Trying to make me look stupid.”

Whenever things like that happened, Reggie would put it down to his grandad being in a bad mood

But things just kept getting worse and Reggie couldn’t understand it

Once, he asked his grandfather to make him a sandwich

“What?” his grandad replied

“A sandwich,” Reggie had repeated, thinking his grandad just hadn’t heard him

He got a blank look in return

“I... a what, son?”

“A sandwich, grandad.”

“I... I don’t know... No, I can’t.”

Reggie hadn’t had an explanation for that one. He got up and made his own sandwich and one for his grandad too, which remained uneaten

Another day, when Reggie was about ten, he and his grandad were going to go on a walk together

“Don’t forget to lock the door, grandad.”

“Lock the door?”

Reggie had turned around to see his grandad stood in the open door, looking utterly bewildered

“Yeah,” Reggie said. “Come outside and lock the door behind you, then we can get going.”

His grandad slowly came outside and shut the door behind him, but then looked to Reggie for help

“Do you have the key, grandad?”

“Of course I’ve got the key.”

He didn’t actually have the key - Reggie had to go back inside to get it and found it on the kitchen table

He came back outside and showed his grandad how to lock the door

“Well, of course I knew how to do that,” his grandad huffed

For the most part, Reggie could ignore it - old people forgot things all the time, right?

And it wasn’t like his grandad forgot everything; they would still paint together and they’d play music and his grandad would tell him all his stories about his garden (maybe just not as eloquently as before)

When Reggie was eleven, his grandad said, “Pass me the television remote, Arthur.”

Reggie had laughed and handed him the remote, saying, “It’s Reggie, grandad. Arthur is my dad.”

Reggie’s grandad had looked bewildered

“Reggie?”

Reggie had nodded, starting to feel concerned

“Yeah, Reggie... I’m your grandson, remember?”

His grandfather hadn’t said he remembered, he had just looked away and got back to changing the TV channel

Similar things kept happening: he would call Reggie ‘Arthur’, or the name of Reggie’s uncle, or what Reggie learned from his father was the name of someone he’d befriended in the war

“Why does grandad get my name wrong?” Reggie had asked when he was twelve

His father had sighed and run a tired hand over his eyes

“He’s got dementia, Reg. Your grandad, he’s going to forget a lot of things. Like names, and how to do easy things, a—”

“And his own family,” Reggie had said, remembering how his grandad hadn’t known who he was

“It’s not easy, Reg. And I’m sorry that he doesn’t always know who you are.”

“How do we fix him?”

His father had looked away - later Reggie would realise that it was because he was crying. “We can’t. There isn’t a cure.”

It had taken Reggie a while to understand what exactly dementia would do to his grandad - it was hard to understand how he didn’t know how to swallow a pill when he could sing entire songs off by heart before the lyrics had even started

Reggie tried to carry on as normal as possible

He learned to respond to the names Arthur, Brian, Oliver, Christopher, Ted, and any other name that wasn’t his own

He learned that when his grandad said “spoon” he actually meant “cup”, which was an easy enough link to get

But sometimes his grandad said “pillow” when what he really meant was “washing machine”, or he’d say “bird” when he really meant “paintbrush” and mistakes like that were harder to unpick; it made communication hard and his grandad would get frustrated when he wasn’t being understood

Reggie was keen to find ways to connect with his grandad, but it all felt bittersweet and painful

His grandad still loved it when they would paint together, but where he’d once been able to create beautiful sweeping landscapes there were now only blotches of dilute colours and the odd shape here and there

They both still loved playing music together, but now his grandad’s fingers would stumble over the piano keys and he’d lose his flow

His grandad could hardly get outside to attend to his garden safely anymore

Reggie’s father started hiring carers to go in every day and look after him

When they were around they would boss Reggie about and tell him not to get in the way

He understood they were just trying to do their job, but he didn’t like the brisk, harsh, matter-of-fact way they handled his grandad

His grandad didn’t deserve that; he deserved patience and kindness and to be helped gently rather than forced

Visiting started to get painful - Reggie would go to his grandad’s house and he would have deteriorated severely even overnight

Conversations had become repetitive and almost impossible - Reggie would answer a question and be asked the same one not a minute later

Reggie visited less and less

He never stopped completely, but sometimes it would hurt so much that he would leave weeks in between visits and his grandfather started to forget him even more

He couldn’t help how much it hurt - he had all those memories of spending time with his grandad, talking and laughing and being loved, and his grandad was losing it all; Reggie was losing his grandad right before his very eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it or make it easier

He just had to watch as he became less and less like the man Reggie had once known

Reggie tried writing songs about it once Sunset Curve formed

Luke helped him sometimes, but Reggie didn’t like it when he did that - Luke didn’t have the right experiences, so his lyrics were forced and inaccurate and sensationalised and they didn’t show what was really going on

He never managed to finish any songs about his grandad

One day, Reggie was going through some old stuff he’d found under his bed, and came across a box of paintings he must have done with his grandad

One of them was a black background with a white emblem on it, a sweeping line almost like a road

Reggie spent the entire night painting the same thing but on a much bigger backdrop, emblazoning it with the words ‘Sunset Curve’ and adding splashes of colour

He was no artist but he drew upon every technique his grandad had ever taught him and it looked good in the end

He brought it to the next rehearsal, asked the others if they could use it, and they all agreed

When Reggie was fourteen, his grandad was deemed unfit to live at home by himself and was moved into full-time care

He couldn’t take everything when he moved into the home, so Reggie and his parents had to sort through it all

His mother just threw anything away that didn’t seem important; his father kept things with sentimental value; Reggie didn’t want to throw anything out at all

By the end of two weeks, his own bedroom was filled with things he didn’t need but couldn’t bring himself to get rid of: old cigarette cards, a collection of toy cars, a dozen flat caps, a broken walking stick, toys Reggie had played with as a child, hundreds of other items

The magnificent old grand piano now was in Reggie’s living room

Reggie would visit his grandad at the home

His grandad despised living with all the other old people, but the carers were good at making him happy

He liked seeing Reggie even if he didn’t have any idea who he was

Reggie would bring his bass sometimes and have the volume as low as it would go, playing for his grandad in his room

His grandad loved it

Sometimes it could get too much for Reggie to be there - usually a carer would notice and provide him with an excuse to leave or take a breather

It hurt having to leave without saying goodbye, but it saved a lot of pain and confusion

A few days after Reggie’s fifteenth birthday, his dad got a call from the care home

His grandad had fallen again and was in the hospital

Reggie visited with his dad

His grandad was in bed, practically immobile - the doctors said he had broken his hip again

Nobody told Reggie, but it was obvious that recovery was unlikely

His grandad was sent back to the care home to be looked after, but was bed-bound

Reggie visited as much as he could, trying to make up for all the time he had missed when it had been too painful to go

One day, Reggie was shown into his grandad’s room and sat beside his bed as usual

His grandad turned to face him, smiled, and took his hand

“Reggie. It’s so lovely to see you. Thank you for coming to visit me, son.”

It had taken everything in Reggie’s being to stop himself from bursting into tears

He clutched his grandad’s hand tighter and shakily breathed, “Always, grandad. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

There was a pause

“I will miss you,” Reggie whispered

“And I will also miss you.”

That evening, just as the family sat down to eat dinner, they received a call from the care home telling them that Reggie’s grandfather had passed away in his sleep

It was over

Whenever Sunset Curve made money from gigs, Reggie made sure to donate some of his share to dementia charities and the care home that had looked after his grandfather

He tried writing more songs for him, but still couldn’t find the words

Every now and then, he would find a birthday card or something similar that his grandad had written him - his handwriting and spelling had got worse and worse as his dementia had progressed but Reggie’s heart swelled when he read them

‘Dearest Reggie, happy birthday. I love you very much. Grandad.’

Reggie kept that little note with him wherever he went

When Reggie died, he almost hoped he would get to see his grandad again, but he was glad that he didn’t - that meant his grandad had crossed over, which meant that his life had been fulfilled

And for the rest of his life and afterlife, fuchsias remained Reggie’s favourite flower

He would see them dancing on a breeze and hear his grandad’s voice telling him they were beautiful ballerinas who lived in the toadstools

It comforted him on his darkest days

This is a link to a post I made where you can learn more about dementia and donate to Dementia UK and the Alzheimer’s Society.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #reggie peters #sunset curve #headcanon #jatp headcanons #tw dementia #tw death #tw surgery mention #tw hospital mention #dementiaawareness #dementia awareness #alzheimersawareness #alzheimers

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redqueenmusings · 4 years

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I ended the last lockdown blog on 22nd March and as I posted early I wasn’t sure how the day would go. It turned out to be lovely. Not weather-wise, as it was very grey and chilly, but I had some interesting conversations via messenger with friends. People, some who I know and others who I don’t, kindly sent me funny photos and videos to add to our Tenerife 4 All Facebook Group “Thought of the Day” section. Some were extremely funny but just too rude to post. 😱 However, I now have enough saved to get through the next couple of weeks of isolation, and possibly beyond.

At one point I had to bite my tongue when a poster returning to UK said they were glad to be going home as our rules of isolation were stupid beyond belief. It seems that many Brits are so arrogant that rules can’t possibly apply to them.

Sunday Day 8 – It wasn’t unexpected to learn that probably by Wednesday our isolation will be extended a further 15 days. I say probably because it is a formality that it will be put before Parliament but IMO that is all it is, “a formality”. It may seem awful, but seeing the following tweet puts our 15 or maybe 30 days into perspective.

The year 1991, a small town in Croatia. We spent months in the basement. Without windows, without TV, without Netflix, without PS4, without being able to go outside. Because if you went out you would be hit by a bomb or a stray bullet.

Monday Day 9 – we had an alert yesterday for strong winds which we had and it decimated my bougainvillea. Yet when the new day dawned, although it had been raining overnight, the sun was out and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I decided to step back for the day, having had a very busy weekend, so I wrote a blog explaining why. I also received a suggestion, that I could set up a Go Fund page to recognise the healthcare workers on behalf of Brits who have a second home or just come for the winter. While I think it is a nice idea, I am neither a ‘swallow’ nor second homeowner and feel it would be best coming from the relevant sector. As residents, we are currently showing our gratitude by clapping each evening, which is the only thing we know about at the moment to show just how lucky we are having caring people to look after the sick.

Tuesday Day 10 – I slept straight through again waking at 7.20am although I didn’t actually go to bed until 2.00am, I felt great and ready to hit the ground running. That’s a metaphor: If I were to run I’d be slower than a tortoise stampeding through peanut butter. I got down to answering messages 148 cleared by lunchtime and Jim trimmed the hibiscus as it was sprouting everywhere. It looks a bit bald at the moment but will soon recover.

Wednesday Day 11 – Needed to contact friends Barry and Ann as they have been on my mind a lot lately, and like us are wrinkles. Ann is not in the best of health so I was worried she might pick something up. Now it’s a case of waiting to hear they are both safe. I cleared a backlog of almost 40 emails before 9.00am.

I have had a hacking cough, runny nose and dry cracked lips for the past few days, don’t think I have caught anything, as not been across the doors, but must remember to add Vit E cream to the shopping list. I messaged Christine and Andrew asking what our plans were for the evening. Message returned Alzheimer’s kicking in? We go out on Thursdays! We have planned to go to the Olive Garden for fish and chips. Followed by a walk through town, ending up at a nightclub in Las Americas. Ah well after being contained for so many days we can dream! It started to rain at lunchtime and sod’s law we lost electricity in the village for a couple of hours. It was something a bit different and I was overcome with the excitement of it all. (Not).

Thursday Day 12 – Another week without seeing our friends, missing them badly and we now have this until 11th April. We keep in touch but it isn’t the same as sitting, touching and long lazy chats. When this is over they won’t recognise me. In fact, I don’t recognise me as I pass a mirror. I decided to have my hair cut very short and let my blonde grow out. Will it stay “au natural”? Doubt it!

Friday Day 13 – Once again swamped with messages. Some I felt sorry for, others, well what can I say “Is it true we can’t spend less than €30 in the supermarkets from next week so people visit less” Doh! That is defo fake news, some people would think themselves lucky if they actually had €30.

The day passed in a haze lots of government announcements to wade through and of course friends to keep in touch with. I heard back from Barry and Ann, (see above) they were both well but the furthest they have been for weeks is the garden which looks lovely but with 8 garden bags full of rubbish their local council will not be collecting for the foreseeable future.

Talking of bins, Jim is finding a trip to drop off the rubbish quite exciting, gets him out every day for possibly 5 minutes but the exercise of going up and down that hill is killing him.

As for missing our night out. I had the following from Andrew… Our night out: Well, you didn’t turn up, so we decided to stay in. The food was fantastic, delivered on time by Sally & Caroline from Olive Garden. The booze was free! I found half a bottle of red in the garage, only when I got down to the last inch did I discover the sediment!! Ugh Hope u enjoyed yr night out xxx

It wasn’t so much a night out but a night in – we copied the Quayles and ordered fish and chips from the Olive Garden after seeing the photos of their supper the night before. Also, it arrived on time along with some lovely fresh bread rolls that I put in the freezer to save a trip to the supermarket until possibly next weekend.

Saturday Day 14 – Standing at the bedroom window just before 7.30am I watched the elderly Brit neighbours returning from a morning walk as I keep saying, rules don’t apply to some. Waved at my German neighbour who was sweeping her path and that’s it in 2 weeks saw 3 people apart from Jim. Even I am finding it hard going now. So hard that I saw a recipe for how to boil eggs and God forgive me I read it!!

So what will next week bring? Who knows, life just seems to slowly, very slowly, drip by. But like many people in these days of disquiet I will resist, move forward and overcome this unprecedented global health crisis that also threatens to lead to an equally serious economic crisis. I am a great believer in POSITIVITY.

Check Queenie’s Daily Snippets for Tenerife news & events

Week 2 lockdown I ended the last lockdown blog on 22nd March and as I posted early I wasn’t sure how the day would go.

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joannrochaus · 5 years

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Conflict in Israel and a Jewish cemetery desecrated in Massachusetts: Why should we have hope for our culture?

Listen to The Daily Article Podcast, then subscribe.

Following a day of relative calm, the Israeli military carried out a series of strikes on Hamas targets in the Gaza Strip overnight. According to the army, the strikes were in response to incendiary balloons and rockets fired earlier toward Israel by Hamas.

In other news, police say fifty-nine gravestones at a Jewish cemetery in Massachusetts were defaced with anti-Semitic graffiti. Two of the gravestones had been knocked over. The stones were desecrated with swastikas and phrases including “Hitler was right.”

According to experts, America is experiencing a resurgence of anti-Semitism that is unprecedented in the last half-century. Anti-Semitism is also rising sharply across Europe: France reported a 74 percent increase in the number of offenses against Jews, while the number in Germany surged by more than 60 percent.

As I noted yesterday, discrimination is also escalating in America against those who affirm biblical morality. We are certainly not facing aggression on a level experienced by Jews around the world, but Jesus’ prediction for his followers is nonetheless true for us: “The world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world” (John 17:14).

It would be easy to abandon hope for our culture. But it’s always too soon to give up on the future because it’s always too soon to give up on God.

“Let this cup pass from me”

I led a study tour of Israel last week. On Thursday, our group spent a very moving hour in the Garden of Gethsemane. I read from Matthew 26, where Jesus pled with his Father, “If it be possible, let this cup pass from me” (v. 39).

Why did our Savior seek so fervently to avoid the “cup” that awaited him?

Conflict in #Israel and a #Jewish cemetery desecrated in Massachusetts: Why should we have #hope for our culture? https://t.co/GXT00BF1U8 pic.twitter.com/ubB4sH2Fd0

— Jim Denison (@JimDenison) March 27, 2019

The physical torture Jesus faced would be horrendous. But the greater cost of the cross was spiritual: the Father would place the sins of fallen humanity on his sinless Son. For the only time in all eternity, the two would be separated from each other.

In that moment, Jesus would cry, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

Jesus could have avoided all of this. He could have fled from the Garden and returned to Galilee, far from his enemies in Jerusalem. Instead, he waited. He watched as Judas led the soldiers by torchlight through the city’s eastern gate, down into the Kidron Valley, and up the Mount of Olives. He waited, knowing fully what was before him.

He did all of that for you.

As our group considered this somber scene, I encouraged them: never again wonder if God loves you.

No one in Gethsemane saw Easter coming

No one present in the Garden that night or at Calvary the next day saw Easter coming.

This is a theme we see across Scripture. Think of Joseph before Pharaoh’s dreams; Moses before the Exodus; Joshua the sixth time around Jericho; Daniel when he was thrown into the lion’s den; Lazarus when he was buried; Paul before his journey to Damascus; and John when he was exiled to Patmos.

It is always too soon to give up on God.

John 7:5 tells us that, during Jesus’ earthly ministry, “not even his brothers believed in him.” But one of them was Jude, who became the author of the biblical book bearing his name. Another was James, who became the leader of the Jerusalem church and author of the book bearing his name.

Each of these stories illustrates the same fact: it is always too soon to give up on God.

“What you see is what you get”

Our materialistic culture measures reality by the material. The mantra of our day is, “What you see is what you get.” It’s hard to look at life through the eyes of faith if you don’t have faith.

Most of the world’s religions make their appeal on transactional terms: pray this or do this or give this in order for God or the gods to do what you ask. The Canaanites invented Baal as the god of weather, then prayed and sacrificed to him so he would provide the rain upon which their economy and lives depended.

The Greeks invented the gods of Mount Olympus, deities to whom they would pray and sacrifice when they needed what the gods could provide. If you were going to war, you prayed and sacrificed to Ares. If you were preparing to make a journey by sea, you prayed and sacrificed to Poseidon.

The Romans adopted this Greek pantheon, renaming most of their gods but continuing their transactional religion. This approach to religion became part of the cultural DNA of the Western world.

As a result, it is tempting for Christians to see our faith in transactional terms. When we do what we think God wants us to do, we are frustrated when he does not do what we think he should. When the Lord does not answer our prayers when we want, we begin to question his power, his love, or even the point of praying.

If it doesn’t work, why do it?

Revelation from a hazelnut

Rather than a transactional religion, where we go to church on Sunday so God will bless us on Monday, our Savior invites us into a transformational relationship. He calls us to know him intimately, worship him passionately, and serve him sacrificially—not so he will love us but because he already does.

Is his providence slower than your patience? Remember the Garden of Gethsemane. And do not wonder if God loves you.

Does God’s answer to your need seem to be delayed? Is his providence slower than your patience? Remember the Garden of Gethsemane. And do not wonder if God loves you.

Julian of Norwich (1342–1416) witnessed the Black Death and widespread revolts and chaos in medieval England. Yet she wrote Revelations of Divine Love, the earliest surviving book in the English language to be authored by a woman.

Julian tells of the day she held a hazelnut in her hand and heard God say, “It lasteth and ever shall for that God loveth it.” In the hazelnut, she testifies, “I saw three properties. The first is that God made it, the second is that God loveth it, the third, that God keepeth it.”

Do you believe all three are true of you?

NOTE: One final mention of this—I would love to send you a copy of Journey to the Resurrection. I’ve written this new, fifteen-day devotional guide to help prepare your heart and mind this Easter season.

Please click here to assure you’ll receive Journey to the Resurrection in time for you to begin using it April 7 leading up to the holiday.

It’s our way of saying thank you for your donation today as you help more people discern news differently.

The post Conflict in Israel and a Jewish cemetery desecrated in Massachusetts: Why should we have hope for our culture? appeared first on Denison Forum.

source https://www.denisonforum.org/columns/daily-article/conflict-in-israel-and-a-jewish-cemetery-desecrated-in-massachusetts-why-should-we-have-hope-for-our-culture/ source https://denisonforum.tumblr.com/post/183744618037

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denisonforum · 5 years

Text

Conflict in Israel and a Jewish cemetery desecrated in Massachusetts: Why should we have hope for our culture?

Listen to The Daily Article Podcast, then subscribe.

It would be easy to abandon hope for our culture. But it’s always too soon to give up on the future because it’s always too soon to give up on God.

“Let this cup pass from me”

Why did our Savior seek so fervently to avoid the “cup” that awaited him?

Conflict in #Israel and a #Jewish cemetery desecrated in Massachusetts: Why should we have #hope for our culture? https://t.co/GXT00BF1U8 pic.twitter.com/ubB4sH2Fd0

— Jim Denison (@JimDenison) March 27, 2019

In that moment, Jesus would cry, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

He did all of that for you.

As our group considered this somber scene, I encouraged them: never again wonder if God loves you.

No one in Gethsemane saw Easter coming

No one present in the Garden that night or at Calvary the next day saw Easter coming.

It is always too soon to give up on God.

Each of these stories illustrates the same fact: it is always too soon to give up on God.

“What you see is what you get”

The Romans adopted this Greek pantheon, renaming most of their gods but continuing their transactional religion. This approach to religion became part of the cultural DNA of the Western world.

If it doesn’t work, why do it?

Revelation from a hazelnut

Is his providence slower than your patience? Remember the Garden of Gethsemane. And do not wonder if God loves you.

Does God’s answer to your need seem to be delayed? Is his providence slower than your patience? Remember the Garden of Gethsemane. And do not wonder if God loves you.

Do you believe all three are true of you?

Please click here to assure you’ll receive Journey to the Resurrection in time for you to begin using it April 7 leading up to the holiday.

It’s our way of saying thank you for your donation today as you help more people discern news differently.

The post Conflict in Israel and a Jewish cemetery desecrated in Massachusetts: Why should we have hope for our culture? appeared first on Denison Forum.

source https://www.denisonforum.org/columns/daily-article/conflict-in-israel-and-a-jewish-cemetery-desecrated-in-massachusetts-why-should-we-have-hope-for-our-culture/

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