#I’m really emotionally burned out from my body being on high alert for eight hours a day

[stagefoot]

(Note: The point of this rant is not me being smug, and I know luck has also very much been a factor for me. I have been fucking privileged in a lot of ways since the pandemic started, and I fully acknowledge that. This is just a disabled person with a chronic lung condition being…frustrated. Really fucking frustrated.)

So today everyone in our little tech corral (video, audio, and me (lighting), about 10 people in all) were talking about their experiences having covid.

Now, I have not (🌳✊) had covid. I am the only one in the group who has not. I am also the only one wearing a mask. Almost no one in the crowd (2000+ people) or who is part of the show is masked. I’m supposed to see my 80+ year old grandparents in two days and uh yeah I don’t really feel safe doing that. So that sucks.

#I haven’t felt safe all week actually #I’m really emotionally burned out from my body being on high alert for eight hours a day #I hate this I hate this I hate this #techblr #my life #covid #I’ve been wearing a mask everywhere obviously #and like I’m pretty immune to peer pressure #but I get the little voice in my head that’s like no one else is doing it so why are you? #(and the pessimistic voice in my head saying no one else is doing it so why bother? if I’m mostly protecting other people and not -being- #(and the voice in my head that says you’re crazy it’s over you don’t need it!) #and honestly I’ve been really grateful for the disabled community on Tumblr for reminding me that I’m NOT crazy I’m trying to protect #and others and that it’s still very fucking necessary #so thanks! #I’d also like to note that I did not get sick with ANYTHING for three years #and then ~2 weeks after the main place I work dropped its mandate for staff #I got sick and so did everyone else #so 🤷 #rant #I also had to wear a mask BEFORE the pandemic sometimes #when the air quality was bad or I was just having a Bad Lung Day #I’ll be wearing one in public for the rest of my life #not even kidding #also the air quality is bad again today #spoonie #disability #I’m tired y’all #*being protected lol #didn’t notice I’d run out of room