#I'm a full time employee who studies for uni during the evenings

[ventique18]

Anyway here's the initial sketch of Farmer MalleYuu that inspired me to start developing a farming game. 🥔🥕🐮🐥 They just make me so happy tbh

It's my last semester in uni I'm trying to hold onto my remaining sanity

#I'm a full time employee who studies for uni during the evenings #I'm in my last semester of school #I do the dishes I do the laundry I do the cooking #God knows I'm TIRED #but I'm damn proud of myself for finding time to enjoy my little life #god damn it I'm tired #but twst makes me so happy #so I make a million love letters for it in the form of different media #i will write fanfics for malleus #i will make comics for malleus #i will illustrate for malleus #i will make games for malleus #he is my muse #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #malleus x reader

[chqnified]

Wow imagine working a 9-6 job and feeling tired and drained as a result.

#“but I'm a student” girl that's not the same. come back to me when you work 8 hours a day. 5 days a week #and ontop of that you still have studies and exams. #I'm not saying being a student is easy because would i want to be? hell no. #but understand that whilst you can sneak on your phone during lectures or bunk off. i have a manager and partner in the same room as me #as well as 10 other employees #there are implications if i don't do my job because I'm being paid. you're paying them to be where you are #i was talking to one of my colleagues and she said the same. people who do uni don't understand. #like we couldn't physically go out partying during the week. but they still can and make it to lectures. #they don't require the same amount of input or energy? unless you've worked a strict job full time 5 days a week. you wouldn't understand #and they don't even try to understand #i feel like the past month has really matured me by about 10 years lmfao #full time job is not the same as full time student #being a student is like a part time job in terms of exhaustion #being told I'm not as fun or whatever as i used to be. what do you want me to do💀 leave work midway through a shift??? #party when I'm literally a corpse I'm so tired.??? #make it make sense

[silberpilz]

Yo

Big fuckin Rant down here i needed a place to vent please feel free to just skip this i need to yell into the void

Ah yes btw mentions of very much not good mental health i had

Idk i can't believe the two weeks i waited at least a month for just are over. Just like that. And life just goes on and i have to work again and i hate work. I feel bored and empty. I want to create but cant manage to do more than doodles or a few words, if i even do it. Also i just know my pains will never really go away.

Ghaaahhh i'm sorry for being such a sorrowball again but idk what else to do about it. It could be way worse of course and i'm thankful it's not (yet) but man. I just want to be happy. All i could think about in my last week of vacation (in which i got sick anyway) was that i just fucking LOATHE having to work full time. I hate it so much. Why do i have to spend most of my concious day and most of my energy just to get not even a actual employees amount of money (i'm still a trainee) and i still have to do it for almost 2 further years. 2. YEARS! Why does it take so long!!! If i didnt have Abitur it would be even longer!!!!!

Ok since this is escalating anyway:

I know i tried my best in trying and failing so many times trying to get into a profession within my actual interests but damn. Did it leave a mark on me. I am exhausted. I feel like i wasted so so much time. Got to repeat 10th class 2 times, uni was trash, design college didnt want me, gardening was good but my bosses started to treat me like trash for some reason and having to scoot there during winter made me freeze before and after work in a way that would make icicles blush and i just wanted to fucking end it and it was very hard to not give up to these thoughts. Then i tried to get into my towns bookstores and one of them didnt even let me do a test internship and the second one all of a sudden had someone else who was sooooo much more better and knowledgable about literature than me i FUCKING GUESS. Then i had a minijob, trying to get into some creative and cultural field of study again but hey. Times running out. Would i even have a future with that stuff. Working on a pprtfolio would take time. I need work right now RIGHT NOW OR ELSE MY FUTURE WILL BE IN SHAMBLES FOREVER (thanks mom and dad) And now i'm here. It could be worse. My bosses are nice, the stuff i deal with is kinda interesting. But well. Its retail. And all my direct coworkers are some 40+ yo women who are way too snarky and nosy at times. All the more friendly coworkers or the ones my age are either in the forge or in another floor and they work different jobs. Like i said it could be way way worse and i'm thankful its not. But i'm just not happy. I constantly long for more. And i'm so tired all the time. As i'm starting to age into adulthood, all of this gets into my body and recently also into my nervous system.

I just want to hang out with my friends again. I just want to have fun and not worry. I want to have energy and independency. But to achieve that, i have to push through all of this. I can't give up again, sadly.

Maybe one day i can express myself more freely again, worry less, have more free time and still be able to pay rent. And my back will hurt less. And i can help others more effectively.

#rant #vent post #feel free to skip #might delete later