#Im going home for part of June/July and there’s a lot of unknown and my family not talking abt things

[goldkirk]

i feel like I’m dying but life is objectively much better in many factual ways and I’m working to remind myself of that at least once a day ✍️

#my photos #personal #no like i actually started feeling like my chest was gnawing itself and my lungs are heavy and I’m nauseous tingly #chill on a sofa listening to upbeat music and petting a dog #but the Feeling Like You’re Dying doesn’t care it’ll just hit when it hits #Im going home for part of June/July and there’s a lot of unknown and my family not talking abt things #and honesty vs lies battles #and a lot of messy radtrad/fundie influences continuing to strengthen but like #things are also better in a lot of areas #and no matter what everyone is speaking to me more politely since I moved #although it’s frustrating too bc #i nos feel like Im going crazy going this long without some undolicited Soul Concern email or anti gay email coming from my parents or #fight baiting coming from my sister #it’s weird #i feel like I made it all up since I haven’t gotten any evidence/proof now that I finally thought ‘i should document when they send me #stuff next time’ so I’d be able to confirm to myself that they DID say xyz things or w/ever #anyway NO SELF. LIFE IS GOOD AND WORTH LIVING AND YOU HAVE A DOG YOU COMMITTED TO AND YOUR URGES TO GO BE IN DANGER AND HURT DO NOT NEED TO #BE ACTED ON YOU CAN STOP FREAKING OUT ABT THEM THEY’RE CONSTRUCTION AND DEMO CRAP. CHILL. THEY’LL GO AWAY SOMEDAY #AND YOU ARE NOT AN OPINIONLESS KID WJEN YOU HO BACK YOU CAN LITERALLY JUST TELL PEOPLE NO #also don’t FUCKING forget to pick up a box of those cookies. future me I swear to god I’ve wanted them for like six months #if we come back to WA without them for another year #i will murder you I s2g #not really but I will be SO sad at some point this fall or winter #don’t make me sad #journal