#Maybe this is truly it for my drawing career. Idk if I’ll stop drawing after this. I just hate myself so much atm

[radiant-reid]

omg y/n posting pics of them on insta and spencer downloading social media cuz her fans are BEGGING him to <3

-he would make a twitter first and spend all his time looking at tweets ab her and liking pics of her and prob posting long ass tweets ab science (ew)

-spencer would have fans in the sense that people who look up to him or have been to his like i can’t remember the word so i’ll just say classes!! and they would join force with the y/n fans

-her fans would obsess over him and call them mom and dad fs (calling them “my parents”) and spencer would be weirded out at first but then y/n would explain the joke and he would find it hilarious

ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ʰᵉ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵍᵉᵗ ʰᵃʳᵈ ᵇᶜ ᵇʳᵉᵉᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵏᶦⁿᵏ ᵒʳ ᶦˢ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵃ ʳᵉᵃᶜʰ

-y/n would post the most scrumptious pics of him bc she knows what the people want and the people would call them an “it couple”

-PICS OF THEM GETTING ON PRIVATE JETS IM SQUEALING THEY WOULD LOOK SO COOL BAHAHAH

-do you think it would be possible for y/n to retire from wtvr famous thing she’s doing (or just stopping like not anything official idk how this stuff works im an average person) to work kind of w the bau?? like as a liaison or with garcia bc 1) people would pay more attention 2) she knows what to do!!

-y/n having a ts moment and deciding to go private w her whole life and kind of go into hiding :( spencer would be so supportive tho

-💼

you're providing, truly providing

-spencer's twitter is unreadable because he doesn't understand the app anyway and he thinks most people want to read long rambles about different types of algae, so i think she'd have to steer him toward having a podcast (like a true crime one, omg he'd do so good)

-lectures ? the crossover would be epic, like a bunch of her fans start showing up at his lectures (mostly to look at him but some find a really good career path)

-they're the ultimate mom and dad, i imagine they have such cute videos, his barely used Instagram is filled with photos of her, and they get photographed by the paparazzi doing such sweet domestic things. and a pap photo of them looking after a baby ! goes absolutely viral. love spencer being like "hey, we should give all the fans a sibling"

-she'd take such perfect pictures of him, like with a proper camera when they're on vacation. also maybe some pictures that are perfect for the fans to thirst over because she knows she's got to provide

-they'd look cool getting their drycleaning honestly

-i think the problem with that is that maybe she would draw too much attention away from the case

-spencer goes with her, for sure, and they run away together and escape how stressful their jobs are

#💼 #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader

[promise-of-a-lifetime]

hiiii my friends ! egg here, long time no talk ;W; my blog has been barren for so long ahhh i really gotta change that, i needa reblog things again and post art ahahaha but thank you to everyone who still follows me despite my inactivity !! 3.8k followers wowwowow thank you so much qwq this post is getting really long as i’m typing out all my thoughts so i’ll put this under a read more for anyone who is curious enough to hear me ramble ahahaha

i’ve been busy actually ! i went back to college this fall. surprising huh ?? after 5 years of just working, i finally made the decision to go back to school (partly bc i’m sick of this job and burnt out and want something new) i got into a program for a diploma in comp studies and now that i’m nearing the end of the first semester---i’m going to change my program into an associate of arts instead ;W; and my plan is to transfer to uni for a bachelor’s (if i choose to do so if i get my associate’s) i wanted to try comp sci solely bc of the job market and the pay. i know ppl say you shouldn’t get into something just for the money but it’s hard not to, you know? it’s tempting, especially bc where i live it’s so crazy expensive, and i wanted to try my hand at it. i currently live in an apartment with my sis rent free provided by my parents so i’m extremely fortunate and in a good place, but i can’t help but feel guilt. i want to make enough money to make an actual living so that i don’t have to keep depending on them and make them work so hard. this also prompted me to go back to school !  but i think i found out that comp sci is not for me. i do not like to code at all (python is okay but js is hell lol) i only like doing html/css styling ; w ; maybe i can try web development later down the line but algorithmic programing is not for me...what truly makes me happy is drawing and writing. it’s what i’ve done my entire life as hobbies but lately i’ve been so busy with school + work, it takes so much out of me, that i have to pick one, if i want to draw or write to relax. i think i mentioned my art burn out and stress in one of my last posts so i’ve chosen to write each time and i’ve neglected my art for so long now ;ww; i really want to get back into it...i miss it so much. so this is why i think the arts field is where i should be, i think i’d be a lot happier doing this. of course i worry about the future and career aspects...can i get a good job out of this? my cycle of thinking is very vicious, i can’t help but think about how my art isn’t good enough, that there are so many better artists out there on tumblr/tw so why would anyone ever hire me for art when they can pick those ppl instead ?? i really need to get out of my head and just---DO IT instead of all this pointless worrying. how will i know if i never try ?? if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least i tried right ?? but i won’t even know that if i don’t allow myself to start in the first place...i’m always crushing my own chance and opportunity with this way of thinking and it needs to stop TwT i really do so much thinking that i get into a crisis every now and then (as you can tell from some of my posts on the blog ahahaha) but i also think about all the sweet and supportive compliments on my art i’ve gotten from you guys and from my friends/family...it really makes me go ‘can i actually do it?’ my sister and my friend told me i should try to make my own stickers/merch and have my own store and honestly...i’ve been thinking about doing that for years but i’ve never had the courage to try. i fear failure so much. i fear being inadequate and irrelevant in comparison to other artists. my friend said that i shouldn’t worry about that bc there will be people who like my art because people like different art styles, the more the merrier---just like that artist cake meme ahahaha but i still...idk...stop myself from even trying anyways. why do i do that? once again, i should just draw whatever i want and stop caring about what other ppl think !! there’s bound to be someone out there that will enjoy my art qwq time and time again i’ve received such kind anons telling me that ! ;WW; so i’m putting my foot down and i’m really going to try changing my mindset and stop inhibiting myself.  first step: change my college program next step: get myself an ipad then: draw draw draw !! remember it doesn’t have to be a complete drawing, just sketches and doodles will be fine (maybe do commissions...? my sis aND MOM said i should do them, that my art is good enough, and do custom cards so maybe...? ahh but i’ve never ever been commissioned before, ive had friends ask to commission me in the past but those always fell through...so i’m unsure...but we’ll see) so this is where i’m at right now ;W; thank you to everyone who’s read this far ! i’m so sorry for always worrying about the same things wlejnfwlej it’s hardd but i want to be happy doing something i like 

we’ll see what happens in my next life update !! hopefully by then you’ll see much much more art from me~

#Egg talks #...way too much aHAHAHA

[thyrideneverends]

(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

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Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

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Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different?   But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

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Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

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[noxiim]

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

#long post #sorry I kind of rambled #but anon if you want to talk to me don't be afraid to message me instead #I'm always here if you need to vent 💕 #asks #Anonymous #art asks