#Tom Jones instead of Tom Cruise joke. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lostfirefly · 4 months

Text

You’ve Got the Same Dream as Me (Ch.6)

Hello, kiddos! The idea for this fanfic came to me from a dream (again) I had about a month ago. Тhe main characters were Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill (don't ask me why), but with a light hand they have been replaced (sorry, guys). The main action of the dream took place somewhere in the sands. Аlthough this fanfic will feature Sir Crocodile and our beloved Buggy, the action shifts to the desert. No marines, ships etc. Sorry, not sorry :) The devil fruit's abilities are preserved. Catch the Mummy and Indiana Jones vibes :) I have no idea how many chapters there will be. Different titles and names from the original source material will be used to emphasise the general OP's vibe.

Since English is not my native language, errors may occur. As always, feel free to share your thoughts :)

And thank you to my dear @yujo-nishimura and @laurasoretta for believing in me :)

Description: Catherine, a librarian who is searching for the trail of her sister who went missing on an expedition. Notes in books and diaries lead her to Cairo. There she finds a retailer from an artifact shop who, in exchange for selling her a map and equipment, insists that Catherine take her along. They get into a little (or maybe a big) adventure..

Warnings: One light naughty joke. Adventures and fun are still here. Buggy x OC, Sir Crocodile x OC.

It's hard to create riddles, guys! :) I wanted to make this part bigger, but what was written next already sounds like a separate chapter. Sorry! :) Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it.

Words: 1301

The title is taken from «You've Got the Same Dream as Me» (Sonya Belousova & Giona Ostinelli) (One Piece, Netflix)

Taglist: @gingernut1314 (if someone wants to be added to this list, let me know!)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

• Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

"Quiet, we’ll wake her up!" Buggy whispered.

"Come on, let’s do it one more time, pl-e-e-ease!"

Rika opened her eyes upon hearing the voices. She stared at the wall of sand and squeezed her eyes shut.

"God, let me turn around and see them dressed!"

She turned around cautiously and opened one eye.

Catherine was sitting on her knees next to Buggy and holding his detached wrist in her hands. Literally. She could barely contain the delight in her voice.

"Good morning, folks", Rika opened both eyes, raised her back and leaned against the sandy wall. "I don’t even want to ask what you are doing and why he’s already wearing fresh makeup.. But.. Can I ask? Have you been doing this nonsense all morning?"

Rika yawned as she watched Buggy quickly grab his wrist and reattach it to the rest of his hand.

"Not really!" Catherine jumped up from her seat and ran to the car. "We've been studying maps and diaries, thank goodness we still have that".

"A-a-a-and did you find anything out?" Rika squinted.

"Actually, yes! Look, there are rocks or something like that. Painted here and here. Buggy says this is the Skypiea Sand Mountains. That's where we need to go.. in theory.. and that's where it looks like we're going.. in theory.. . And there's one thing I can't figure out. North should be there, but the compass points the other way", she pointed her fingers in different directions.

"Let me see", Rika took the compass. "There's one thing I don't understand. Why that man, whatever-his-name-was just handed that thing over. And he smiled in that weird way. He didn't look helpless to me".

"Oh, believe me, honey, he’s not helpless. He used to train me and.. whatever... on Rusukaina… And he.."

"He did what?? Do you know him?" Rika interrupted him, her eyes widened.

"Yeah! Some kind of… And trust me, he can kick anyone's ass", Buggy said, laying back down.

"He can kick anyone’s ass", Catherine repeated his words with a sneer. "Then why didn't your all-powerful grandfather kick that man with the beehive instead of his arm?"

"First of all, it was the hook. Second, I don't know about that, my little pie. Maybe he had some kind of secret plan. Maybe he wanted me to save you so you could admire almighty Buggy the Clown for the rest of your life".

Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Or maybe he knows something. Look at this. There's an inscription in the diary, but it's in ancient Egyptian", said Rika, beckoning them both with her hand, "but I’m not good at it".

"Lemme see", Catherine grabbed the diary. "Give me a second.. Glass.. Key.. Light.. Way.. let the glass be your main key, choose completely the wrong way, when the sun starts shining brightly, you should follow… the northern light?"

"Can you read ancient Egyptian?" Rika asked.

"I can do a lot of things, does this surprise you?" Catherine snapped. "Well, sometimes I spend my evenings at home with books after work at the library".

"God! You have a very boring life, you know that?" Buggy said, putting his hands under his head.

"Shhh, silly clown!" she made a hand gesture for him to shut up. "Look, there's a drawing. I don't understand. Some kind of hexagon".

Buggy widened his eyes, then he stood up abruptly, correcting his ponytail and walked briskly to the car.

"Hey, where are you going?" Catherine got up and ran after him, holding the map and diaries in her hands. "Hey, I'm talking to you!".

She approached Buggy, who was rummaging through the boot of the car.

"Does it look like what you've got painted on there?" he was holding a small box.

"Hell, yeah! Rika, come here, quick. Where did you get this from?" Catherine called Rika over with her hand and put the map on the car.

"Weeeell.... I stole it from Crocodile a couple of months ago", Buggy said, scratching his head.

"What do you mean you stole it and what do you mean a couple of months ago?" Rika asked, coming up behind him.

"Well, I was in these places not too long ago, met our old friend and stole this thing, hoping I might need it someday. Although, to be honest, I've no idea what it is".

"Do you always have such brilliant plans? Do you just go out and steal everything like a fucking kleptomaniac?" Catherine looked at him, squinting her eyes.

"God, when you two are out of each other's lives, I swear I'll celebrate that day with a bottle of whiskey. Can you focus, please?" Rika barked and took the box from Buggy's hands. "Look. The pattern of this thing repeats here, here and here. But here and here these drawings are crossed", she poked at places on the map.

"Maybe it's some kind of key? But a key to what? To treasure?" Catherine shifted her gaze from the box to the map.

"If this thing opens the door to gold, I'll even take some money, take you to a party and then buy you ice cream, Cathie-pie", Buggy wanted to sit on the boot of the car with a proud look, but he missed and fell on the sand.

"You see? This is God's punishment for your long tongue and stupid jokes", said Catherine mockingly.

"Oh, baby! Believe me, you'd be happy to have my tongue between yo.,.", he didn't have time to finish his sentence as Catherine kicked him in the leg, "Ouch! Hey! Fuck.."

"You two! Shut up! And so... We've got a map, a compass, notes, and apparently the key. Not bad. I think", Rika put the box back in the boot and looked at the compass she held in her hand.

"This doesn't make any sense. And the lines in the diary don't make sense either. Let the glass be your main key, choose completely the wrong way, when the sun starts shining brightly, you should follow the the northern light. What does the northern light have to do with it? Where does the northern light come from in the desert? And what does it have to do with the wrong way?" Catherine flailed her arms and flopped down next to Buggy and laid her head on his shoulder.

Rika sat down in front of them and stared intently at the compass.

"I don't know, my friend, I don't know", she raised the compass to eye level. "Wait, look!"

Buggy and Catherine crawled up to her.

"Do you see?" Rika asked in surprise.

"I see nothing!" Buggy muttered under his breath.

"Look at that!"

All three of them put their faces to the compass and squinted at each other.

"It's impossible!" Catherine whispered this.

They saw a green-orange beam inside the compass.

"Maybe I’ll say something stupid now.. But.. If it's the compass, it should point the way, right?" Buggy asked in a clarifying tone. "So, what if you point it at the map?".

All three of them got to their feet. The green-orange coloured sunbeam falling on the glass of the compass fell on the map, pointing the way.

"Сatherine, what was that you said about going back and north? According to the compass, we have to go to some other north, but it's not geographical", Rika didn't take her eyes off the beam.

"When the sun starts shining brightly", Catherine repeated quietly.

"Now the sun is at its zenith. And the northern lights are the colour of this beam, I think", Rika kept her gaze on the compass. "You see It's clearly drawn a path for us to follow. And look at the diary. Theoretically, the coordinates there should match the coordinates on the map. At least I think so", Rika whispered quietly.

"Ladies, we've got a course!"

13 notes · View notes

wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years

Text

Psycho Analysis: Imhotep

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

The Mummy movies are a lot of fun. Who could hate a young, charming Brendan Fraser having the time of his life fighting mummies and raiding tombs? Clearly this was a sign of a long, happy, trouble-free career for the man!

Oh, I’ve gone and made myself sad… let’s just cut right to it and talk about Imhotep.

Imhotep is the villain of the first two films of the series, and he really helps set the tone. Things get a lot less funny and a lot more darker whenever he’s on the scene, changing the tone from “fun, goofy Indiana Jones-esque romp” to a more overtly horror tone. This makes sense, seeing as he’s a soul-sucking undead monster based on one of the classic Universal monsters… but that’s really a very surface-level look at Imhotep. You see, unlike Ahmanet, the previous mummy covered on here, Imhotep has a real personality and motivations beyond being a simple villain hellbent on domination. In fact, Imhotep doesn’t want to conquer the world at all. He has a very simple, even sweet goal that makes him instantly relatable and tragic: all he wants is the woman he loves.

Actor: Arnold Vosloo plays Imhotep to perfection. He hits all the right villain notes whenever the scene calls for it: he can be scary, intimidating, badass, hammy, emotional, and even sexy. The last one’s a given when you spend a lot of the movie either shirtless or wearing a revealing robe, you know? I’m guessing one of the reasons the third movie failed so hard is because he wasn’t there to bring his own brand of awesomeness to the table, though I wouldn’t know because I’ve never watched the third film and like to pretend everything in the franchise ended happily after the first two films and there was nothing but Scorpion King spin-offs until the end of time.

Motivation/Goals: Imhotep is such an odd villain. Despite being a very powerful mystical being who could bring the world to its knees if he wished it, Imhotep is motivated solely by love. All he really wants is to be reunited with his lover Anck-Su-Namun, and he goes to great lengths to achieve this goal, lengths that do put him beyond the pale but also add a layer of tragedy to him.

The second film has him awakened by a cult to try and steal a supernatural army from Dwayne “The Scorpion King” Johnson, which ends up leading to him becoming far less sympathetic and a lot more cliche in terms of goals, though the romantic and sympathetic qualities are there still. They’re just now forced to share screentime with character traits that Imhotep didn’t really have in the first film, and while they don’t ruin him by any means and they help play into his ultimate tragedy, it just feels kind of sad they made Imhotep return and use him for a “take over the world” plot when his first outing had him really stand out as a villain in a big-budget action movie that didn’t have such a trite motive.

Personality: Imhotep is a pretty nice and friendly guy, for an ancient mummy. In the first film especially, he’s awful open about his plans to Beni and even keeps his word to him, and just in general he’s rather affable… unless, of course, you get in his way, in which case he will kill you without hesitation. He ends up dropping a lot of his more affable personality in the second film, which does come to bite him in the ass. It’s honestly pretty sad, because all that really ends up making him a villain is the manner in which he goes about his goals. Obviously bringing his loved one back would be a grim affair no matter what, but he goes way too far, with his desire to be with the woman he loves driving him to disturbing lengths to be back with her. In fact, the fact that he is such a loving man really plays into his ultimate tragedy, as he continuously suffers for love and in the end his suffering is rendered moot. Maybe villains who can’t comprehend love are better off after all.

Final Fate: In The Mummy Returns, Imhotep is clinging to a ledge and begs for his lover Anck-Su-Namun to save him. Instead, she flees, and Imhotep sees a similar situation happening with Rick and Evy; it ends exactly as you’d expect a dangerous situation with a protagonist couple to end in a cheesy adventure film. Imhotep looks to them with a look filled with jealousy and respect, and then lets go of the ledge, falling into the underworld. It’s a rather depressing and tragic fate that really highlights that for all the evil he did, Imhotep really only wanted to be with the woman he loved, and after all the pain and suffering he endured trying to make that happen, it ended up being all for nothing. It also ends up being ironic and karmic; throughout the film, he shows a lack of empathy for those serving under him, so it ends up being fitting the only person he cares about genuinely would leave him in his time of need.

Best Scene: Imhotep’s giant sandstorm from the first movie. It has become an iconic signature scene of the trilogy for a reason, after all.

Best Quote: So I didn’t exactly find a great quote from Imhotep himself on Wikiquote (my usual source), but I did find a quote from Arnold Vosloo himself that I think sums up Imhotep quite nicely:

“I’m so thankful that all that stuff made it to the screen, because a lot of the time studio executives say that there’s no time, or ask why we should feel sympathy for this bad guy. I joke that I’m the romantic lead in the movie, I just happened to pick the wrong girl. Imhotep is kind of the tragic villain, I guess, and a lot of people have come up to me and said I was hating you, but then I reach a point when I was feeling sorry for you too. It's those different facets that help explain why this film is such a success."

Final Thoughts & Score: For such a bunch of silly adventure films, they sure did go hard when it came to giving us a fantastic villain. Imhotep is, to be fair, not the most complex character in the world; I think being in a film like The Mummy kind of necessitates you being rather simple. But much like the movies he inhabits, he takes his simple concept and runs with it, elevating it into being something greater.

I love how he’s a villain not motivated by power, greed, or ambition, but a desperate desire to be with the person he loves most. In these sort of Indiana Jones-esque archaeological adventure films, you kind of expect to have the main villain or villains being motivated by greed, or power, or something to that effect, but here those motivations are relegated to side villains and our big bad is simply someone who really wants the girl he lived and died for in his arms again. It adds a layer of tragedy to Imhotep, which is only exacerbated in the sequel and then comes to his ultimate conclusion with his final death.

I think Imhotep really shines where a mummy like Princess Ahmanet ultimately failed: he has a clear, defined personality as well as a more relatable goal than “destroy the world.” As much as I enjoyed Princess Ahmanet from the reboot, my wife was right to point out in her guest spot on Psycho Analysis that her personality boils down to being ambitious and graceful, and not much else. Imhotep, on the other hand, shows a lot of emotion, even to his final look to Rick and Evy, which says so much without a single word being uttered. Ahmanet never really got moments like that, but that’s because she was stuck in a movie with an attention whore like Tom Cruise; Imhotep is in a movie with certified nice guy Brendan Fraser, so of course he’s gonna get his fair share of development.

IMHO Imhotep deserves nothing less than a 9/10. He’s the perfect villain for the cheesy fun of the first two Mummy movies, but he’s also something more, something richer than these movies deserved, and is emblematic of what made those movies so special and beloved: how, despite their flaws, there was just some magic there that allowed the films to rise above their simplistic popcorn action reimaginings of a classic monster movie to become something that even decades after the fact people still love and cherish to this day. The only thing holding him back from a perfect ten is the fact that the second film doesn’t do him quite as much justice; I have to say, the whole “world domination” thing looks better on an ambitious royal like Ahmanet than it does on a tragic romantic like Imhotep. Still, there’s no denying that Imhotep is a cool, fun villain for some cool, fun movies.

#Psycho Analysis #Imhotep #The Mummy #The Mummy Returns #Arnold Vosloo

102 notes · View notes

write-stuff-for-life-blog · 6 years

Text

Review: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

NOTE: I actually saw this movie in theaters but since it’s DVD release was yesterday I figured I’d post my review of it here. I might ramble on for several paragraphs in these reviews, especially if I feel strongly about something, so I’ll try and make it a point to post a short rating at the top as well as a more in depth one at the end.

NOTE THE SECOND: I don’t usually care about spoilers in these reviews so read at your own risk.

1 out of 5 stars. Only watch on Netflix if you exhaust all your other options.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is written by Colin Trevorrow (previous writer and director of the last entry in the franchise) and Derek Connolly and was directed by J.A. Bayona. Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard reprise their roles as Owen Grady and Claire Dearing respectively and are sent back to Isla Nublar by Jon Hammond’s previously never mentioned before former partner billionaire Ben Lockwood played by a James Cromwell who can barely bother to keep his eyes open throughout the movie. I, in fact, share that same sentiment.

Usually in these reviews I try to touch on all the aspects of said medium: visuals, camera work, writing, directing, acting, etc. But this review is going to focus mainly on the writing and acting because both are so atrocious all the other aspects are inconsequential.

I didn’t think the first Jurassic World (JW) was as great as it needed to be for a soft reboot / revival of such a beloved franchise but it did have several memorable moments. The leads were charming enough to make you forget that they lacked meaningful character arcs (Claire does have one but the movie doesn’t care about it that much) and the action in the second half of the film was pretty cool (specifically T-Rex and Raptor and Giant Alligator Thing vs. the Indominus Rex). So for the second go around I was hoping that the filmmakers would take the time to really get it right and do the franchise justice. My hopes were far too high.

The only two performances that were worth anything in Fallen Kingdom (FK) were the two returning leads, Pratt and Howard. Howard is a decent enough actress but I’ve never seen a performance from her that I really love and FK continues that trend. Claire does undergo a change from shrewd, cold businesswoman to animal rights activist and that does give some depth to her character but it happens off screen during the three years between JW and FK. It was a little jarring at first but I swallowed it better when the film took a minute to explain her motivations. Pratt was as Pratt as ever as Owen is exactly the same through this movie as he was when we first met him in JW. I fear there’s a real risk for Pratt here as it seems as though he’s becoming another Will Smith or Tom Cruise. He is varying degrees of his usual charming and charismatic self in whatever project he appears in. Owen is just Pratt but outdoorsy to the extreme. Star-Lord is just Pratt with his ego turned up to eleven. Andy from Parks and Rec is just Pratt as a dumb man-child. And I guess that’s fine. Plenty of stars have made careers doing the same but actors actually stretching themselves and challenging themselves to become someone else will always be more impressive.

One thing that annoys me about modern blockbusters are their tendencies to inject new secondary characters into each following installment while completely ignoring the B cast from the previous entry. In the original Jurassic trilogy it did make some sense to do that as each sequel followed the branching lives of Ian Malcolm and Allen Grant who, we can presume, never encounter one another again after the first film. But here there’s little justification for it. JW’s comic relief characters Lowery and Vivian, played by capable comedy actors Jake Johnson and Lauren Lapkus respectively, are nowhere to be seen in this movie. Instead we have Franklin Webb, a spazzy tech guy played by Justice Smith, and Zia Rodriguez, a ball busting veterinarian played by Daniella Pineda. I don’t have much to say about Pineda, she was decent enough and served her purpose, but Smith … Oh my God. I believe this guy will go down in history as the absolute worst character in any Jurassic movie ever. Yes, he is even worse than every child character in all of the movies combined. He does nothing for the movie other than to scream in a high pitched voice when something scares him. Everything scares him. It’s always played for laughs but the joke falls flat on its face every time. The movie thinks it’s funny for a grown man to shriek in terror and scream out loud the thing that’s scaring him. “Lava!” “T-Rex!” “Social interaction!” All right, I made up that last one but the character is so cliché he might as well have said it. And what’s more there is no reason for this character to be here. The movie wastes a fine opportunity to bring back JW’s Lowery who was also a tech guy. In fact it even makes sense for him to run with Claire in her animal rights activism as he was a huge fanboy for Jurassic Park. He had toy dinosaurs all over his work station, he loves them! And it makes even more sense for him to return to Isla Nublar because he was familiar with the park’s computer systems. Why isn’t he joining Claire? He was courageous and had some genuinely funny interactions with Vivian. He certainly would have been better than Spazzy McScreamy.

Speaking of trends let’s talk about the obligatory child character. Isabella Sermon makes her big screen debut as Maisie Lockwood, Ben Lockwood’s granddaughter. Of all the new additions to the franchise she’s the standout as her performance has a depth and range most child actors would struggle to convey. Now one thing about the Jurassic movies is that their child characters were usually pretty capable in some way or another. Hammond’s granddaughter in JP reboots the computer system. Malcolm’s daughter in Lost World is able to gymnastic a raptor to death (yeah it’s a dumb scene but she saves her dad). The teenager in JP3 survives Isla Sorna alone for eight weeks. And the brothers in JW are able to fix a derelict jeep and rescue themselves. FK started out following this trend of capable children with Maisie … until it abandons the idea so we can have a “monster creeping through a child’s bedroom” scene. This completely undermined her whole character. Up until then the movie had established her as smart and independent and capable as hell. She snuck into the secret lab, spied and hid from the bad guys, busted out of her room which she’d been locked in, and climbed atop buildings all secretly by herself without help from a single grown up. But the minute the new hybrid dinosaur goes after her, which she had seen several times before then, she immediately forgets how capable she is and hides under her bed sheets. This might be the most heinous example of bad writing in this whole movie. Mixed messages? Okay, fine. Forgettable action sequences? Whatever, that’s most of Hollywood anyway. But please, for the love of God, have consistent characters!

Now the villains. Ugh.

BD Wong returns as the dastardly Dr. Henry Wu, the mastermind genius behind the dinosaur cloning process, the I-Rex, and FK’s new hybrid the Indoraptor. It would seem that in the three years since JW InGen and its parent company Masrani Global have cut Wu loose as he’s now partnered with a new financier Eli Mills played by Rafe Spall, the CEO / director / executor of Ben Lockwood’s … estate? Company? Trust fund? I don’t remember the movie specifying what Mills’ job was, only that he was another white collar villain (because we haven’t seen that before in a Jurassic movie). Toby Jones makes an appearance as Mr. Eversol, an auctioneer for the high rolling criminal underworld, and Ted Levine plays Ken Wheatley, the leader of a disposable mercenary force who has an odd fetish for collecting dinosaur teeth. And that is literally all there is to the villains. Each of them is cartoonishly shallow to the point that Wheatley is a parody of an archetype and all Dr. Wu needs is a mustache to twirl. True, the villains have never been that big of a deal in the Jurassic movies as the dinosaurs have always been the main attractions but not even Vincent D’Onofrio’s Hoskins from JW was this bad and in a movie full of weakly written characters he was the weakest link.

And let’s not forget the dinosaurs. They are there. Not as much as you’d like but they’re around. The big draw for Owen this time around is to save Blue, the only surviving raptor from the pack he raised and trained, from Isla Nublar’s impending volcanic eruption. FK plays this up as though Blue was always the equivalent of a loyal attack dog but it conveniently forgets that JW established her as a dog capable and willing to bite the hand that fed her. The scene from the previous movie in which Owen is in the raptor enclosure is a tense moment because he is under threat from all the raptors, Blue included. In fact when the I-Rex persuades them to go after the humans all the raptors focus in on Owen. There was that one moment when Owen pulls off Blue’s head camera at the end of JW but to rewrite the relationship as though she were a loyal golden retriever, I feel like that was not earned in the slightest. And the main attraction this time is the new hybrid, the Indoraptor, essentially a smaller version of the previous movie’s I-Rex. FK presents this abomination of genetic manipulation as an ultimate monster but it really just looks like rejected concept art of the I-Rex. Also the Indoraptor is only in half of the movie. The I-Rex in JW was a better monster because it was terrorizing the island for almost the whole runtime. Plus the I-Rex has some decent build up and a good reveal. Here, it feels like the movie couldn’t be bothered. “By the way, we made another hybrid dino. Here it is.” I did enjoy the return of more practical animatronics over every dino being CGI but if you saw the last film this one doesn’t have anything special for you in that regard.

Let’s talk about Trevorrow’s writing. It’s awful. Like a pile of hot rancid garbage awful. The biggest problem with JW is that it completely ignores the moral of the original. JP was a cautionary tale that proves whenever man tries to exert his will over nature he will lose and just because we can do something it doesn’t mean we should. It’s classic man vs. nature ending with man being humbled. JW said, “Hey look, we’re going to keep doing that ethically questionable thing most people believe we shouldn’t be doing and wield the power of a god with no regards to any possible consequences,” and gets upset when the monster it created wreaks havoc. But does FK finally learn that lesson and try to take the franchise somewhere new that doesn’t lead the characters into being idiots who keep going back to the island? Do Michael Bay’s Transformers movies understand subtlety?

More than ever this movie has dumb characters making dumb decisions that nobody with a brain can follow. The villains want to capture the dinos and auction them off to billionaire criminals because these crime lords want them for pharmaceutical reasons (but why though?), the ability to hunt one like a big game hunter (because we also haven’t seen that before), or for weaponization. Let’s touch on that last point. The villains justify it by saying animals have been used in combat scenarios for centuries when armies rode to battle on horses and elephants. And the movie might have had a point if either one of those transportation methods hadn’t become outdated before the fifties.

Now just for the sake of argument I’ll list off a few more examples for this movie’s case: K-9 units, bomb detecting dolphins, and pidgins have all historically been used by one military or another at various times. But here’s the common thread among all those examples: none of those animals are predisposed to ripping a man’s head off in a single bite. Why do you think it isn’t common practice for a military to use lions and tigers and bears? And let’s take a closer look at the proliferation of working dogs and horses. Could it be that thousands if not millions of years of closely co-existing with humans have made them predisposed towards not killing us on sight? What’s that called? Oh yeah. Domestication!

Whether we’re talking about fiction or not, training an animal that never co-existed with humans so it can become an attack animal is not a good idea any way you slice it. Any semi-intelligent person can recognize that there are way too many variables to take into account. Oh but what about Blue, I hear you asking. Owen proved that raptors can be trained with Blue. That may be true but one successful instance against a multitude of failures does not prove the concept. Sure the Polish Supply Brigade around WWII kept a bear named Wojtek that would carry their supplies for them but you don’t see cargo bears being implemented throughout the world’s militaries these days. Do you know why? Because they’re freaking bears! They could go in for a playful swipe and nick your carotid by accident you MORONS!

And that leads me to this movie’s message. Apparently FK believes these animals have as much right to life as any other endangered species. That’s the whole reason Claire wants to go back so she can save them. But the film is bookended with Jeff Goldblum reprising his role as Ian Malcolm speaking before a congressional committee on how much that is a bad idea. He argues that nature selected the dinos for extinction millions of years ago and bringing them back was a mistake. The volcano erupting and eradicating the clone dinos on Isla Nublar, he says, is nature’s way of correcting that mistake. So the film opens and closes arguing why protecting these creatures from a second extinction is the worst. And yet we spend most of the runtime doing exactly that.

Seriously?

Malcolm has always been the ultimate voice of reason in these movies and we as an audience are inclined to agree with him given the proof each movie provides for his argument. There are four previous films illustrating why bringing the Earth’s most dangerous predators back to life is a horrible idea. And now that nature wants to correct the mistake you’re going to defy that decision?

The film uses Maisie here to make this case. The dinos are technically clones and we learn that Maisie is a clone as well so now we’re using clone rights to justify saving the dinosaurs. It is a weak argument thrown in at the last moment. Arguing for conservation is good and all but how well are you going to side with that argument when the T-Rex is meandering through a neighborhood gobbling up pedestrians left and right? These animals have lived on an island their entire lives. Aside from T-Rex who visited San Diego in the 90s they have never seen a town. The only human made structures they are familiar with were the derelict park buildings that the movie shows them waltzing through all the time. Even our own real world wild animals don’t understand that they should stay away from human settlements, how well do you think Blue is going to do the first time she’s caught in the headlights? But apparently they have a right to live because they are just as alive as Maisie the clone is so let’s end the movie by releasing all these dangerous animals, most of which are as large as a rhino or elephant, into the American countryside.

Sure, forget about public safety. Forget that dinosaurs had their chance but nature selected them for extinction over sixty million years ago. Forget about all the indigenous plant and wildlife that is now under threat because you just loosed at least eleven different dinos onto the world. Forget about how their nesting habits might destroy the landscape like nutria in Louisiana. What was your motivation again? Conservation? Give me a break.

Honestly this movie makes me glad Trevorrow was fired from Star Wars Episode Nine. This proves that he has no clue what decent writing looks like and has no regard for what the original was trying to say. Just because he was given the opportunity to make these films doesn’t mean he should have.

1 star out of 5

A forgettable and messy film that slowly meanders through the second and third act with no sense of purpose other than to say, “Ooooh look. It’s a dinosaur!” And it doesn’t even say that well.

3 notes · View notes

marius--lestrange · 6 years

Photo

[ Marius Lestrange | Myers-Briggs ]

[ ISTP | The Virtuoso ]

While their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, Virtuosos are actually quite enigmatic. Friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, Virtuoso personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. Virtuosos can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.

Rather than some sort of vision quest though, Virtuosos are merely exploring the viability of a new interest when they make these seismic shifts.

Virtuosos’ decisions stem from a sense of practical realism, and at their heart is a strong sense of direct fairness, a “do unto others” attitude, which really helps to explain many of Virtuosos’ puzzling traits. Instead of being overly cautious though, avoiding stepping on toes in order to avoid having their toes stepped on, Virtuosos are likely to go too far, accepting likewise retaliation, good or bad, as fair play.

The biggest issue Virtuosos are likely to face is that they often act too soon, taking for granted their permissive nature and assuming that others are the same. They’ll be the first to tell an insensitive joke, get overly involved in someone else’s project, roughhouse and play around, or suddenly change their plans because something more interesting came up.

Virtuosos have a particular difficulty in predicting emotions, but this is just a natural extension of their fairness, given how difficult it is to gauge Virtuosos’ emotions and motivations. However, their tendency to explore their relationships through their actions rather than through empathy can lead to some very frustrating situations. People with the Virtuoso personality type struggle with boundaries and guidelines, preferring the freedom to move about and color outside the lines if they need to.

[ Other Virtuosos | Clint Eastwood, Olivia Wilde, Bear Grylls, Tom Cruise, Michael Jordan, Daniel Craig, Arya Stark, Indiana Jones, Lisbeth Salander, James Bond ]

[ ISTP | Strengths + Weaknesses ]

(+) Optimistic and Energetic (+) Creative and Practical (+) Spontaneous and Rational (+) Know How to Prioritize (+) Great in a Crisis (+) Relaxed

(-) Stubborn (-) Insensitive (-) Private and Reserved (-) Easily Bored (-) Dislike Commitment (-) Risky Behavior

[ ISTP | Friendships ]

A lot of this comes down to Virtuosos simply not wanting to be bound to any particular person or activity. Virtuoso personalities live in the present, enjoying whatever life brings, and feel no real obligation to shift course on account of others’ plans. If friends don’t want to do what Virtuosos are doing, then they are free to go do their own thing, and they’ll hang out some other time. Sometimes their shifts in attitude can catch their friends flat-footed, but Virtuosos’ motto remains “everything can be changed”. Forcing them to constantly commit to scheduled activities is probably the quickest way to end these friendships.

As long as everyone keeps things relaxed and flexible though, Virtuosos’ friendships can be rich and rewarding. People with this personality type are talented when it comes to using their senses, and usually enjoy a little competition. This makes Virtuosos’ hobbies, especially the more physical activities like fishing and crafts, especially enjoyable with a little company, and they are usually the basis for their friendships. Virtuosos’ interests are pretty diverse, so they should have no trouble coming up with exciting things to do.

Virtuoso personalities are also thoughtful, rational people. Being fairly creative individuals themselves, they often enjoy discussing new ideas – but in the end, the point of sharing those ideas needs to be to take action. Dreaming is well and good, but talk is cheap, and discussions on abstract or distant subjects like Eurasian politics can only hold Virtuosos’ attention for so long before they decide to shift their focus to something they can do.

[ ISTP | Romance ]

When it comes to romantic relationships with Virtuosos, it’s a bit like nailing Jell-O to a tree. Dating Virtuoso personalities is a tango, complex and interesting, with alternating coldness and detachment, and passion, spontaneity and enjoyment of the moment. Nothing can be forced in Virtuoso relationships, but so long as they are given the space they need to be themselves, they will gladly enjoy the comforts of a steady partner for a lifetime.

Early in dating, people with the Virtuoso personality type can be especially flighty – they live in the present, always looking for new activities and experiences. If a potential partner doesn’t measure up, Virtuosos have no real problem walking away. Virtuosos also need a great deal of personal space, both physically and mentally, and any attempts to control them or forcibly schedule their activities only accelerates their departure.

On the other hand, Virtuosos have no problem trying to change their partners’ habits, most likely with attempts to get them to loosen up a bit and relax and have fun. Virtuoso personalities are hardly strict or traditional when it comes to dating, and often try to introduce sex into their activities early on. Sensual individuals that they are, Virtuosos make ready use of all of their senses, viewing intimacy as an art, a performance, and a source of pleasure.

If Virtuosos are to be lifelong partners, it must happen as a natural progression of these day-to-day decisions, on their own time.

[ ISTP | Career Paths ]

“Practical” is the word of the day. But it’s not the practicality of routine administration that Virtuosos crave – they need variety and action, perhaps even a little adrenaline in their work. Highly structured environments leave Virtuoso personalities bored and tired. Jobs that focus on crisis response, such as firefighters, paramedics, detectives, pilots and police officers seem made for Virtuosos.

Perhaps most important to Virtuosos though, is the feeling that they aren’t stuck. The freedom to wander, the freedom to declare their own schedules, their own responsibilities, their own environments – nearly every other consideration pales by comparison to the need to avoid inflexible commitments and stodgy colleagues. While this can be a significant hurdle to overcome in traditional employment, it is the chiefest allure of entrepreneurship.

Nearly any creative or constructive skill or interest can be offered on a freelance basis or on a business-owner’s own terms, be it blogger, systems analyst, athlete or driver. Virtuosos need to face down their weak long-term planning abilities and preference for instant results in order to make this path work, but livelihoods can be made selling bits and crafts in their free time. It’s also possible to find more traditional work to satisfy these needs, and forest ranger is a sought-after line of work for many Virtuosos.

Virtuosos have a natural skill with troubleshooting, a relaxed, self-confident nature and a results-oriented focus. People with this personality type understand that risk equals reward, and as long as they can use that understanding with maturity, rather than just kicking the ant’s nest whenever they get bored, they are highly desirable in any dynamic field or environment.

#myers briggs #bio #headcanon

1 note · View note