#a bit of an oversemplification | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

janiedean · 3 years

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1) So, lately I've been seeing all these Takes about how most m/m smut is from the bottom's POV bc most writers are female bottoms and they identify with him (which, okay, guess I'll never be free from THAT oversemplification), how most ppl in fandom just pretend to like femdom bc it's the most "progressive" option, if you ship any m/f you're forced to make it a girlboss/malewife deal to be woke, ppl only "like" pegging as a statement and that's going to make men irl feel pressured to try it...

2) And on the one hand I'm just so... bitter about it. My first experiences with m/f smut were "not explicitly maledom but the guy takes the initiave and the reins and does p much everything and the girl sorts of lies there with a vague sub streak" or actual maledom. And I kept wondering "okay, but can the girl like... do the fun stuff, too? Like pin the guy down and kiss and bite his neck a bit, or play with his nipples, and be kinda the one in charge?" And I was so afraid the answer was no. 3) And that's one of the (many) reasons I read way more m/m than m/f. I wasn't interested in f/f at that point even if I thought that was the only place where women could Do Fun Stuff during sex, and also I wanted my fave guys to have fun stuff done to them (and possibly watch as the fun stuff wrecked them from their own POV, more like an emotional voyeur thing than a "omg they're so lucky I wanna be in their place!" thing) and women weren't allowed to be the ones to do it to, apparently. 4) And know that I'm p sure the actual femdom/woman on top/pegging content in fandom is still the same (tho I get told it's "everywhere" even in ships where it would make more "sense" for the guy to dom/top... then WHY can't I find more of it for my fave fandoms/ships/characters, btw?!) but at least ppl talk and even joke about it like it's normal and even appealing and cool, I get told that ALL of it MUST be performative... and I get to feel like a weird freak outlier all over again. 5) Not just that, but sometimes I get to be told that by ppl who seriously believe the "the only reason to write from a bottom's POV is being a bottom yourself" thing and also in the tangentially related "service tops who get off on giving pleasure are a myth/a fantasy made up by selfish bottoms/unfeminist if they're women" thing. When I like writing from both the top's and the bottom's POV, and I LOVE female service tops and gentle/playful femdom and women topping with only *hints* of femdom... 6) ... and I already had to go through a whole phase when I thought I was the only one interested in writing and reading about all THAT, and that "real" femdom/woman on top stuff had to be about icy goddesses/greedy queens/heavy or not-quite-so-heavy sadism/men caring only about serving women and women not caring about men at all in the past. And that women topping couldn't exist without explicit femdom anyway. So, yeah, double the "what is this, my teenage insecurity all over again?!" effect. 7) ... but on the other hand, all of this is making me think back to how happy I was when I finally found creators, both in fandom and out of it, who wrote and drew femdom and woman on top content that actually fit my specific tastes to a T. How much happier and secure it made me feel, and how it made me understand that I didn't need to write or consume that kind of thing the supposedly "right" way. And that includes YOUR fics, Lavi. Especially the JB ones. Thank you so, so much for those!! 8) I'd tell you off anon bc that's how much it means to me, but... I have a good, solid idea of what I like and how I like it in fiction but as far as rl goes it's all questioning and confusion right now. I haven't even figured if I'm allo or ace tbqh. And I feel this kind of fandom discourse is SO inextricably tied to own's own sexuality and sexual preferences that it feels embarrassing to put my name on a rant like this without even *knowing*, like someone's gonna pop up form nowhere and... 9) ... and be like "well, ofc you don't *get* it and you have all these weird ideas and you don't know how things are SUPPOSED to be like! You're confused on one thing, so you MUST be confused on everything else including your own preferences, too!" And I know that's not going to happen with you, but, y'know. It's not exactly easy. Tbh it's one of the things I hate about tumblr fandom and modern fandom in general. But, huh. Getting back on track: thank you, again. So, so much.

hey anon first of all dw I get why you wouldn't want to say this off anon given the current climate, but other than that and getting into what you're actually saying.. first of all let me tell you the whole 'ah if you write the bottom then you ID with the bottom' thing is top ten of my most dreaded arguments wrt writing fic ever never mind that time I actually discoursed about it with someone who decided that if I could imagine stuff done to me by a guy then WHAT DIFFERENCE IT MADE IF IT WAS A GIRL during the mythical discourse in which half of this hellsite blocked me because I said that straight women would most likely prefer to write/consume porn involving men without it being fetishism because if you're straight you don't care for f/f which apparently made me extremely problematic but *rolls eyes* that's like complete bullshit and I've been sadly laughing about it years later because that's actually way more sexist of them to say bc it implies that women can only want to bottom which is... an... extremely sexist thing to say so *rolls eyes* and honestly I've stayed out of any pegging debate because like I really doubt that it's a thing that translates into rl practice - if a dude irl doesn't want to try pegging he just has to say it and no one forces him to because guess what to have consensual sex both people have to consent, which automatically turns into the usual assuming that a thing that has a traction in fiction/fandom means irl consequences which is completely idiotic either and honestly the fact that people are pearl-clutching over femdom content and deciding it's popular because it's woke just makes me side-eye everything because it's the usual dumb af terfy debate where ppl make sexual preferences political, which... is... stupid af like ppl like what they like in bed, there is no exclusive to roles or positions based on genders, service tops are not a myth and saying that writing X sex is woker or less woke than Y sex is just ridiculous - and someone could be writing a thing they're not into irl just because it fits the character(s) they're writing for that matter (see that time I wrote that damned jon/ygritte mommy kink where it's like so not my thing XDD) - but again... it's again the usual stupid discourse wrt wanting to say what women can find acceptable in bed or not which I would hope we had left behind us with the victorians and it's honestly worrying how many people fall for that dumbass rhetoric just because it sounds vaguely woke? then again fandom is overrun with in disguise terf discourse these days so what can you do except doing your thing, but tldr there's nothing performative in most of that and if some people are into it for that it doesn't mean everyone is? also lmao I mean now there's a fair amount of content also because media became a bit better wrt showing women in charge sexually but like idk how to say it but before what S6-S7 of got and I'm being very generous with the times just if you looked at the jb tag the femdom/pegging content was basically yours truly and four other people and not that much, it exploded later and BELIEVE ME I WAS VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT but ppl saying that it's such a thing everywhere are seeing things because in my experience it's really not (I mean.... guys look at the percentages in r*ylo fandom X°DDD like I don't read fic for that ship because 99% of that is topbensolo which I'm not interested in reading at all so X°DD) X°D also the whole top-bottom debate is idiotic af because personally I just write the sex from whichever pov fits the story better and I can assure that every time I do it from bottom pov that is not the pov I'm relating to most of the time anyway and I'm generally thinking of what the other person's doing anyway (and the one time I had to pull teeth to write m/f porn was where I was doing the bottom female pov X°DDDD like writing the guy would have been way easier but that didn't work for that story and idt that ship has the dynamic where the girl would generally top so X°DDDDD) and like... obv if you're into men in any way and you're

not interested in reading maledom m/f you'd rather read m/m that's not exactly surprising but ofc according to people that's fetishizing and whatnot, and I don't even want to touch the f/f topic because the discourse there is ridiculous and I'm pretty sure people are assholes about what's legit to write in f/f stuff too and I'll be glad to avoid it because I have one f/f sandbox where no one else plays and I'll stick with it, but like the fact that people want to dictate what you can like or not and decide what's a fetish or not is to me absolutely ridiculous *shrug* and on top of that telling ppl 'ah you're confused so ofc you think this' is ridiculous because if you're questioning it's your right to do that and no one is hurrying you to not do it in your own time and while you do you read/consume whatever tf you want? people should find out in their own time and sometimes it takes a lot to get there and new stuff pops out even when you think you have it figured out, and again there's nothing more antifeminist than telling women that they can't like whatever thing in bed whichever it is and I'm wholly not even caring about this discourse because the last thing anyone needs is making sex political and what people like to read or write political but -__-''

anyway you're very welcome and you're too kind T____T much glad if I could provide you content you liked and made you feel better about it but hey as stated all there's nothing bad or un-woke in liking any of that XD <3333

#anonymous #ask post #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #sexuality for ts #shipping discourse for ts #god that fucking person wrt the top/bottom stuff I can't eveb

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