#abt staying on the meds. but i got side tracked | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jackie5656 · 3 years

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Insufferable

With; Newt

A/N: This is an addiction at this point. I seriously cry every other day abt this man. I just want to say thanks to anyone who likes or comments on my work. And those who reblog AND comment? You inspire me to keep writing so big thanks to you. Special s/o to @jenny33996 for yet another prompt idea. Enjoy!

You hum softly as you work, fingertips intricately pressing down on the soil of your newly-planted tomatoes. The sun beats down on you and the other track-hoes without mercy, and it’s taken some time to get accustomed to the humidity of the glade. Despite the muggy weather, you’re completely focused on the task at hand. Making sure to remain gentle with each plant you come across.

“Love, you know the plants can’t actually hear you?” You roll your eyes at Newts remark, shaking your head knowingly as you observe his rough workings against the greenery surrounding you.

“They can actually. Studies have shown the emissions of carbon dioxide and the vibrations from talking or singing can promote efficient growth in plants.”

“Is all your free time spent researching then?”

“Precisely, and it’s the only reason the rest of you shanks don’t get a scolding from Alby. I practically carry the track-hoes!” You argue dramatically, laughing when Zart nods in agreement.

“Good that.” Zart comments idly, not noticing Newts offended expression as he lets down his rake.

“Since you two shanks like to talk so much, maybe you won’t mind working an extra ten minutes on turning the soil?” It comes out as more of an order than a question, and the two of you give a silent nod and the keeper walks off with the rest of the track-hoes.

“You’re bloody humming’s got us an extra ten on the garden, shank.” Newt chucks a cherry tomato at you as he speaks, chuckling when you toss it back to him.

“It was actually your bloody jokes, that aren’t funny might I add.” You mock his accent dramatically, smirking when his eyebrows raise in bewilderment.

“Your accent is insufferable.”

“So is yours.” The two of you laugh harder at your lighthearted bickering, getting up from your kneeling positions to pick up the discarded tools in order to tend to the soil. As Newt takes a step towards you, he trips over a stray vine. Each of you letting out a Yelp in surprise when he practically tackles you to the ground. He’s smart enough to roll over to break your fall, but you still feel a sharp pain on the side of your head when it comes in contact with one of the shovels.

“Shuck, are you that clumsy slinthead?” You mutter in annoyance as you rub your temple.

“Sorry.” Newt can only get one word out before the two of you start giggling again, only ceasing when you realize his hands are still secured around your waist. Not to mention you’re practically sprawled out on top of him, and can even smell the combined scent of mint and some type of wood coming off of him. Suddenly, the eye contact and the heavy breathing aren’t as funny as they were before.

She’s close, really close. Close enough for Newt to feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest, and her breath mingling with his. He could move his head just a few inches more, and actually kiss her. But he can’t, right? Not when she’s practically his best friend, and the one of the only people he can truly trust. She’s means too much to him for him to jeopardize their relationship. But she’s just so....impossibly close. Maybe if he just-

“Earth to Newt? My head, i-it really hurts.” She mutters softly, cringing in pain when she rises to get off of him. It’s only when he lifts her completely off of him that he realizes how sickly she suddenly looks. Sweat beading on her skin as she takes heavier breaths and-oh shuck

“What? What is it?” You question worriedly, realizing the sensation of hot water running down the side of your head. You go to rub it off, only to see your palm covered in thick red blood.

“Y-you’re bleeding.” Newt responds dumbly, eyes wide with concern and shock as he discards his shirt from his torso.

“No shuck.” Even with how lightheaded you are, you manage to make a snarky remark at the blonde in front of you. Wincing when he presses the bunched up fabric to your head. If your brain didn’t feel as if it were being stapled to your skull, you think you might’ve taken the opportunity to admire his muscled arms.

“You need to go to the med-jack, right now. Can you stand?” His demeanor is calm now, but you can tell laced within his tone is deep worry.

“Yeah, I think so.” You nod softly, cringing at the dizziness the action creates. Newt grabs at your arms to hoist you up, and you stumble with a groan at the sudden movements.

“Shuck, sorry.” Is all you hear before the ringing begins. And you know it can only get worse from there when little black dots begin to cloud your vision. Your legs feels as if they have no bone supporting the tissue, and it takes all your focus to attempt to stand. There’s shouting in the distance, or maybe from right beside you. It’s hard to tell with all this damn ringing...Did the world always feel this spinny? The last you see is the brilliant, shining sun before everything goes black.

************************

When you come to, the ringing has finally stopped. It takes you a moment to recognize your surroundings, especially since the lighting is so dim in the room. There’s shouting, but you can’t seem to decipher the voices just yet. Still, you silently pray for the arguing to stop so the raging headache will cease.

“How could you let this happen? How careless could you possibly be Newt?”

“That’s enough Minho, it was an accident. He feels bad enough.”

“Yeah, and you know we can’t afford accidents Alby. Because you know what happens? People die!”

“I said that’s enough. I know damn well what goes on around here. Now slim it.” The voice is stern, but remains tranquil as anger laces each word. Alby

“Jesus shuck, stop talking.” You croak weakly, voice unbearably hoarse from however long you’ve been out. You try to swallow some saliva, and hum weakly when a cup of water meets your lips.

“If you guys are going to argue, I suggest you do it elsewhere. It’s bad enough she’s lost consciousness after a head injury. Right now, she needs as little stimulation as possible.” Clint informs strictly as he readjusts the bandage on your forehead. “If you’re going to stay in here, you all need to slim it.” You follow Clint with your eyes as he walks towards the supply stable, noticing Alby and Minho stood glaring at each other in the doorway. Newt sits in a chair beside Alby, hand rubbing over his mouth in thought as he studies you intently. Only averting his eyes when you meet his gaze.

“Do you know your name?” Clint speaks gently beside you, finger moving in front of your eyes in a silent order for them to follow it.

“Y/n.”

“What about where you are?”

“The med hut, in the glade.”

“Good, and who’s that over there?”

“Minho and Alby. The blonde shank is Newt.” You joke half halfheartedly, wanting more than anything than to see the boy smile. He doesn’t make a move or attempt to speak, just meets your eyes with an unreadable expression.

“Very good. Y’know how you got in here?” You nod, but Clint raises his brows to have you elaborate. “We were working in the garden, and I fell.” You look over when Minho lets out a huff before shaking his head.

“It seems to me like she fainted from the loss of blood. It could have been shock or anxiety, because I’m not noticing signs of significant head trauma. No memory loss, nausea, or lack of reflexes as of yet. Just to be sure though, I want her here for the next week so I can monitor her. I don’t want to take a head injury lightly.” Clint informs without looking up from his reflex-test on you. The boys look to each other briefly and nod in understanding.

“I need to cool off, you’ll be okay?” Minho asks abruptly, voice much quieter this time. He rubs his thumb gently over the bandage as you offer him a weak smile.

“Minho, I’ll be fine.” He gives a curt nod before attempting to back away to leave, but you grab his wrist and pull him to you once more. “Please don’t be so hard on him. He didn’t mean it.” Minho considers your words for a moment, before looking between you and Newt. He gives another nod before parting your hand and leaving the room, still a bit frustrated. As much as he hates to admit it, or to let the other boys see, he really cares about you. You smile to yourself at the thought, strong and sassy Minho worried sick over someone. It’s heartwarming, but Newt’s pale, solemn expression brings your focus back to the glum energy of the room.

“Hear that? Sounds like you’ll be alright, shank. I’ll let you get some rest for now. And you’re not moving from this bed for a week, you hear? Clint gives the orders in here.” Alby affirms sternly, deep brown eyes the dead giveaway he’s a lot more scared than angry. He squeezes your shoulder gently before making his way out of the med hut. Leaving you and Newt alone when Clint rambles on about needing to grab herbs from Frypan for tea.

“Newt.” Your voice is so soft, you’re not even sure the boy has heard you. “Please, come over here.”

“I-I have to go talk to Minho.” He fumbles lamely, obviously trying to come up with an excuse. It’s all his fault.

The overwhelming guilt and shame has been eating at him for the past hour, wondering whether or not he had just seriously injured the girl he’s head over heels for by tripping over a shucking vine. He let his guard down, something he really only tends to do around you. It’s too dangerous, to love you. Shuck, he loves you. He can only admit it to himself right then, and the the thought that your injury was with him to blame makes his stomach churn. He was so stupid, so careless to think he could even try to be carefree for one second in this shucking hell of a plac-”

“Newt? Hey, don’t spiral on me please.” Your voice is more sad now, pleading with him to come to you. Reluctantly, the blonde walks over to sit on the side of the bed. You grab his hand before he can refuse, and give him that beautiful smile as his thumb absentmindedly moves over your knuckles. “Look at me, you heard Clint. I’m gonna be just fine. It was an accident-”

“That could have gotten you bloody killed.” He interrupts almost instantly, running a hand over his face to contain his composure in order to not raise his voice. “You understand passing out meant you could have not woken up, yeah?” He inquires, looking to you with narrowed eyes as your own drift up to look at the ceiling rather than him.

“But I didn’t.”

“But you bloody could have, and it would have been my fault.” His voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and your eyes dart over to meet his, not letting the moisture filling in the corner of them go unnoticed.

“Newt-”

“No. We have lost too many people to start getting stupid now. I-I can’t keep...I can’t keep doing whatever this is with you in good conscious, not after today.”

Your face contorts in confusion at his words, and if you weren’t so weak you’d hit him for being so vague.

“Wh-what? So, you’re just not gonna talk to me anymore because of a shucking mishap?”

“I can’t lose you!” He counters immediately. He doesn’t yell, but his tone is desperate when he tugs his hand from your own. Not understanding he’s doing more damage now than that stupid shovel ever could. “I can’t be sick with worry like that, n-not again. I couldn’t breath when I saw that blood on your face. And I could barely explain what happened to the others. I can’t-I wasn’t able to stay calm when I saw you like that. I wasn’t myself. So, I don’t know if it’s a good idea if we-”

“Slim it. You’re giving me more of a headache than I had before. You’re telling me you want to ignore me forever? Let...Whatever this is-whatever we are, just let it go because you’re scared? I’m scared all the shucking time Newt.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Only because you’re making this so complicated.” You’ve always been stubborn, but Newts still bewildered by your insistence despite your weakened state.

“I’m scared all the time!” He mutters sternly, staring into your eyes as if it’ll somehow translate to you. “I mean, every day I’m scared. But I let my guard down, and you got hurt. I love you too much to hold onto you, can’t you get that through your bloody skull?”

Your eyebrows raise at his words, wondering if he’s actually just admitted it as he rolls his eyes.

“There, you know now. I’m head over shucking heels or whatever. Doesn't bloody matter, we can’t keep doing this.”

“Oh, so just because you’re afraid we don’t get to be together? Believe it or not, this is a two way street. And it’s gonna take a lot more than a shucking shovel for me to stop loving you Newt. And to hate you? Well, that’s impossible.” You lock gazes as you speak, challenging him to look away or continue the argument before he sighs. There’s a long pause before he looks at his feet, shaking his head before replying.

“I’m sorry about what happened. But you need to get better before we can talk about this, alright?” He cups your check and runs his thumb over your jaw as you slightly nod, lips pulling up into a smile when he places a soft kiss to your temple before backing away.

“Will you come read to me later on? We don’t have to talk about...This. I just, I don’t want to be alone all day.” You trail off when you finish, expression brightening when he nods happily.

“Alright, any requests?”

“Maybe you should leave a request in the box for Botany For Dummies. Considering it was my squash vine your shank ass tripped over.”

“Again, you’re insufferable.”

“Don’t get all jacked because my singing actually works.”

“Tell that to my bleeding eardrums.”

“Tell that to the gash on my head!” Newt shoots you a stern look at your teasing, crossing his arms as he leans against the doorway.

“Too soon?”

“Slim it already, will you? I’ll be back soon.”

“I’m counting on it.”

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seungwoomi-blog · 5 years

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hewwwwo. if ur wondering why u might have already been following me it’s bc i was here for a hot minute b4 real life absorbed my soul. ANYWAY this is seungwoo! he’s a 24 y/o med student, intern @ myeongcho hospital, and a medic in phoenix.

click here for more info! and peek below the cut for a (sort of tl;dr) summary. otherwise, plz like this post if u want to plot and i’ll come zoomin to ur ims :’) thx buds!

background

born and raised in myeongcho !!!! where my party ppl AT !!!! his family’s always been on the poorer side and getting them out of poverty and into a life of comfort has been his motivation and end goal for as long as he can remember. seungwoo has been devoted 2 being diligent abt his studies and making sure 2 be a good kid so people respect his parents since youth :’) he just rly loves his family it hurts

just works really grossly hard (read: OVERworks) because he’s stuck in this dog eat dog world mentality... genuinely thinks he has to carry the world on his shoulders if he wants to save his family from bearing the blunt of the blow.

yea he just wants his family to be good

sacrifices his dream of becoming a photographer !!!!! to focus his efforts on med school from a Very young age.

joins a gang (phoenix) when he’s eighteen out of desperation bc his parents need money and he isn’t sure how else to get it quick bc his convenience store gig isn’t cutting it. does a smattering of very low-key, behind the scenes jobs; spends a lot of time shadowing the (then) medics. he doesn’t hate it, tbh? he’s ok with it, but he goes into phoenix with the mindset that This is Not Forever and as soon as the money’s there... he’s gonna dip.

takes a lil longer !!!! than anticipated ! it’s almost four years later that he finally, finally builds up the resolve to quit when ( tw kidnapping ) he finds out his little brother’s gone missing. this is rly hard on him bc he adores his little brother and beats himself up for not being able to protect him/be as present as he’d like to have been. finds out that there’s a high likelihood that said lil bro might have been kidnapped by a local gang, so seungwoo (begrudgingly) stays in phoenix because he thinks it’ll be easier to find his bro when he has the “connections.” ( end tw )

in 2017, when seungwoo decides to stick with phoenix for those personal reasons, he also starts med school and officially becomes a medic for phoenix.

he’s v good at keeping his gang life separate and distinct from his “real” life. he doesn’t have any interest in blurring the lines, and is v explicit about keeping what he does in the shadows a secret—mostly bc he doesn’t want to make life any harder for his parents.

currently: still in med school, still in phoenix, really just an exhausted sack of bones that wants to find his brother and live a comfortable life.

personality

some powerful big bro energy... he will dote on u... he will tease u...... he loves taking care of ppl............ disgosting

ok but fr? he’s very ambitious and very diligent and sometimes (oftentimes) one-track-minded, but he’s a good guy. has a good head on his shoulders. he just has very distinct priorities and it’ll take a lot to sway him from what he thinks is the right path.

not the sociable type—doesnt mind meeting new ppl at all! but he’s not the type to approach new ppl. friends are cool but he hates small talk and hates wasting time.

no he will not talk to u about his problems he doesnt even want to THINK about his problems (jk he does want to think abt them, and he will. he will overthink them 2 death.) (but no he fr does not want to talk to u about them.)

rly good at detaching himself from his surroundings. very good at compartmentalizing things. VERY good at separating gang life from “who he actually is” (haha sike u fake and we been knew). it’s why the violence and shit doesn’t rly bother him as much as he wishes it would—bc he’s good at puttin his heart on the back-burner when it gets too meddlesome.

haha can anyone say gray morality

has a rly strong survival instinct but it’s kind of hard bc he has to reconcile it with this self-sacrificing martyr syndrome he has where he does not value his life as much as his parents’ or his brother’s but he Does value it to the extent that he obvi needs 2 be alive to help them.

omg ok emo stuff and the harrowing issue of not wanting to talk to anyone abt the important stuff ever, he is GOOD KID.

has a soft spot for ppl who need to be taken care of. having a fship w/ seungwoo is easygoing and low-pressure he just wants to tease u and make u hold his hand Zz

IN CONCLUSION, HE’S GOT SOME ISSUES !!!!! but he’s friendly and harmless for the most pt and really is just like an exhausted grandpa who is almost always on the verge of caffeine od.

wanted connections

check out some basic ones i whipped up here! otherwise, he’s flexible :’)

#had this drafted since a week ago (big rip) so hopefully it's coherent bc im just goin for it #ooc

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painhaver · 4 years

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hey um, im sorry if this is weird. and if it is u don't have to reply. but i think im starting to realize i might have been experiencing psychosis for years. do you have any advice for someone who wants to seek help but doesn't know how?

im glad u feel comfortable reaching out to me lol ill def give u any advice that i can, disclaimer that im only speaking from my own experiences n also i live in the US so idk if yr medical system differs from mine

• in my experience w doctors in general, not just when seeking help for psychosis, it's a generally good idea to not only describe yr symptoms but also tell them specifically How theyre affecting u in yr day to day life. example: "i think im experiencing hallucinations, my hallucinations make it difficult for me to focus on everyday tasks n cause me anxiety that further limits my ability to do [insert task here]"

• b aware too that if u tell yr doc/psychiatrist that yr experiencing psychosis theyre likely gnna want to put u on antipsychotic medication. antipsychotics can have some weird side effects n every med is different, if u try one n it doesnt work for u or has side effects that worsen other symptoms/that u generally just dont like, tell yr doctor RIGHT AWAY. common side effects of antipsychotics r weight gain [n sometimes weight loss], dry mouth, drowsiness/sedation, and dizziness. in some cases u might also get tremors but if u do u shld def tell yr doctor right away. also know that u have the right to refuse any medication, yr doctor cannot force u to take anything u dont want to take n if they try to, find a new doctor n consider reporting them if u believe they cld b dangerous to other psychotic patients

• before speaking to yr doctor, write down yr symptoms. it doesnt have to b a clinical thing, esp cuz logging psychotic symptoms can b difficult [i often dont realize im having a delusional episode until after i break out of a delusion, n it can b hard to distinguish some hallucinations from reality]. if it's easier for u i suggest keeping a journal that u write in every day regardless of if u think yr having psychotic symptoms that day or not, just write down yr thoughts n maybe some things that youve seen/heard/experienced that day. u can go back later n might b able to pinpoint which days were heavy psychosis days n which ones werent. try journaling at different times of day too, psychosis can get worse at different times of day for different ppl. track yr moods too, psychosis can b caused by many different disorders, from bipolar to schizospec disorders to some personality disorders, even things like depression or ptsd can cause acute psychotic symptoms. many of these diagnoses r also dependant on a knowledge of yr mood symptoms as well so it's important to keep track of them as much as u can

• b as honest as u can w both yrself n yr doctor. tell them truthfully what yr symptoms r n how theyre affecting u n what u think yr treatment plan shld b. consider reaching out to close friends n trusted adults [if yr a minor] n tell them abt yr symptoms as much as yr comfortable doing so, let them know how they can help u if yr experiencing psychosis around them n ask for frequent reality checks if yr having difficulty distinguishing reality from psychosis. remember that there r ppl in yr life who love n care abt u, n u shld allow them to help u

• on a somewhat scary note [but it has to b said] b wary of ppl who u think might reject u bcuz of yr psychosis. im sad to say that ableism against psychotic ppl is v real n can b scary to experience. being psychotic can b isolating sometimes, esp when u experience lesser known symptoms such as disorganized thinking/speech. b wary of doctors who try to pressure u into treatments that yr unsure of or that r having negative effects on yr physical or mental health. remember that yr the patient n yr word is g-d, if u want a treatment to stop or if u think that u rnt being listened to, stand yr ground. speak up. report yr doctor for malpractice if u think it's necessary. in that same vein, b open-minded n willing to accept treatments, even on a trial basis. just keep in mind that u have the right to revoke yr medical consent at any time

srry that this post got rlly rlly long lmao but i hope it helps, feel free to shoot me another ask or dm me if u have any other questions ❤️ once again this is based on my own experiences so take it w a grain of salt but i think a good place for u to start wld b symptom tracking at the v least even if u cant/rnt ready to tell a doctor yet [though i encourage u to seek treatment]. stay safe out there :-)

#long post #tagging it cuz it got Rlly long lol

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