#actually ill just embed under cut. i love it so much

[p2ii]

Yea...

#NEW ZOLU FANS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET GO DO THAT ITS SO GOOD AUGHH #actually ill just embed under cut. i love it so much #i will watch this animatic daily before going to sleep at this point #psii.txt #zolu #mi capitàn - kiltro #id in alt text #but it kinda sucks sorry idk how to describe memes #Youtube #(should clarify i am also a new fan. sososo happy to be here btw)

[pacific-rimbaud]

Thank you SO MUCH for your panville works. I find it therapeutic to read the caring and deeply loving dynamic you embed in them. Also love how you deal with Pansy's background and trauma. While she is by no means unprivileged, I think her wounds resonate deeply with anyone for whom parental love was unstable in childhood. Your writing inspires me so much. I hope you know the positive impact you have on fellow internet strangers. Fr I've reread a dress with pockets more times I care to admit and RoT is on its 3rd re read because it helps me deal with shitty days.

I have two questions regarding your own visualization of the characters in RoT that may fall out of the scope of the actual story (I imagine you might not delve into these too much even if you do have an idea of them in your head)

1. Do you imagine Pansy's mother's own trauma too, when you write? Like what are the wounds that made her such a cold/unloving parent to Pansy?

Ive been thinking of it as being classic objectification of pureblood women for future marriage. Like Pansy's mother never wanted to have a child but was forced to because she's a woman and that's her duty. Would you agree with this or is she a much more sinister character?

2. In what concrete ways would you say Pansy's strengths complemented Neville's weaknesses when they began dating? We see their relationship in a super specific context where they are in their late 20s but Pansy's growth got somewhat reverted to her teenage/younger years (so it makes complete sense we see her mostly being taken care of by Neville!!). But I ask because Harry's witty response to Pansy regarding Neville "deserving what he wants" made me feel a bit sad.

Like I get that Neville's a lot more emotionally sound than she is, but I guess it made me think about whether Pansy's life is "earned" beyond her trying to be better just for Neville's sake.

I imagine her fierce protectiveness of those she loves and her ability to set boundaries without taking people's shit must have been very attractive to a younger Neville?

Sorry if this question is too obvious. I think it hits close. I relate with Pansy's trauma and waking up one day as Neville's wife would indeed feel like heaven (thank you again Harry!). But I could not imagine being able to correspond to a love like that in ways that society traditionally categorizes as love.

Much love. Thank you again for sharing your beautiful brain with us xx

Thank you so much for reading! Truly so appreciative that anyone takes the time to follow a novel-length rare pair fic.

Answers under the cut!

Pansy's mother did not want kids. Full stop. Her father was indifferent to the idea, but definitely didn't want to marry Pansy's mother. My headcanon is that Pansy's mother had an ill-advised fling with Pansy's entitled rake of a father as a young woman, became pregnant, and was compelled to enter into a miserable, lonely marriage and raise a child she had absolutely no affection for. Pansy's father was interested when he chose to be, which wasn't often. Nonexistent or unreliable attachment all around. And so it's clear, this characterization isn't an excuse or attempted explanation for Pansy's cruelty as a child. I've known many casually cruel children over the years. It's not at all unusual. Heartbreaking and yet garden variety example: a few socioeconomically privileged kids in my son's class recently approached another group of children, some of whom have serious challenges at home, and told them that their mothers didn't love them as much as their mothers. Kids can be mind-bogglingly vicious people, even with the "right" parenting. They're kids! Their brains aren't fully cooked yet. Moving the empathy needle and fostering healthy culture in a school requires skillful adult intervention, which obviously was not happening at Hogwarts. Pansy's upbringing in this story is an explanation for why she struggles to be vulnerable, why she's so deeply haunted by a history of feeling unlovable, and why the prospect of motherhood in general and an unplanned pregnancy in particular carries a special horror for her. Basically what makes your second question a little tricky to answer....

...because she's such an unreliable witness to her own life in this. I love fanon Pansy more than anything. She's abrasive, sometimes filterless, terrifyingly perceptive, doesn't suffer fools. Which I just love so much. She's someone who cannot be other than herself, and that self is often pretty spiky. But if someone can get inside, she's also unrestrained in her tenderness. Once Pansy is on your side, you're ride or die. She'd do anything for you. Definitely would help you bury a body. And what I deeply love about Panville is that Neville gets to go further: he gets the innermost parts of her, which truly are so, so sweet and open and loving. She's an incredible partner. Neville has it made and knows it. And to try to answer your question, I don't tend to think about what they bring to the table, or whether anyone "deserves" anything, which is the error Pansy keeps making. I see them very much in the vein of, "I was in the middle before I knew I that I had begun." They're the catching feelings pair, whether it's friends to lovers or casual hook up to something more, because absolutely no way does she ever go into anything at all intending to be vulnerable. But he has the intuition of someone used to paying attention from the sidelines. He's curious. There's something there. He doesn't know what it is, but he'd like to. With enough patience, she unfurls. It's about the power of attentiveness and the inexplicable magic of deep connection. The payoff for Neville risking getting close enough to Pansy to peek inside is a spiky little wife who can't get enough of him in bed, has a full life of her own with passions and interests and relationships and is also deeply invested in their domestic happiness. She is profoundly, unswervingly in his corner. She sees and knows him. The payoff for Pansy risking her heart is this beautiful, kind, loyal man who adores her and whose sensibilities and preferences perfectly align with her own practical nature. He also happens to make great scones. Neither of them grew up understanding what they have was even possible, and I hope it's clear in the story that they both deserve every minute of it. 💜

#you asked I answered #remember one thing #panville #pansy parkinson #neville longbottom #long post

[edenmemes]

the witcher 3: wild hunt starters

including quotes from the dlcs hearts of stone & blood and wine

❝  you were always an unruly child. i adored that about you.  ❞ ❝  mmm. yes. of course. the excuse you resort to when you’d rather not talk about something.  ❞ ❝  how many have you killed? how many more might you still?  ❞ ❝  you know who i am. and why i’m here.  ❞ ❝  you're a madman and always have been. a cruel, cold-blooded killer.  ❞ ❝  a man should frame his wishes carefully. it forestalls disappointment.  ❞ ❝  no argument. you knew what you were signing up for.  ❞ ❝  maybe once, in a different time...i’d have helped.  ❞ ❝  don’t train alone, it only embeds your errors.  ❞ ❝  wanna get drunk off my ass. and it’s gotta be on cheap wine.  ❞ ❝  you’re a heartless bastard.  ❞ ❝  try to trick me anyway, anyhow, you won’t go anywhere, you know that. ‘cause i’ll take your head off right where it meets your neck.  ❞ ❝  sorry. i don’t want to talk about it. not now, at least.  ❞ ❝  we are more like a family.   we support each other and help each other survive tough moments.  ❞ ❝  so how’s it feel to be the village witch?  ❞ ❝  realize, please, that you were made for great things.  ❞ ❝  folks say a curse has fallen on that place, a dark power brought down by the bestiality of the murders it beheld.  ❞ ❝  so, now you’ve threatened me and all...are you in or are you not?  ❞ ❝  i know it must sound foolish, but in the dream - well, it was all too real...  ❞ ❝  we may not survive this. in fact, our chances are slim.  ❞ ❝  it’s always been about you. only you.  ❞ ❝  i remember finding your sense of humor both groan-worthy...and somehow endearing.  ❞ ❝  kings die, realms fall, but magic endures.  ❞ ❝  i detest banquets. vacuous conversation, food portions fit for a mouse, drinks that taste like piss...  ❞ ❝  despite what you’ve heard, i don’t lunge at every monster i see, sword in hand.  ❞ ❝  each day’s more dangerous than the last.  ❞ ❝  it’s folks like you that restore my faith in humankind.  ❞ ❝  my power lies in possessing knowledge, not sharing it.  ❞ ❝  the rotten smell brings back childhood memories.  ❞ ❝  awfully noble of you, showing so much concern for the needy.  ❞ ❝  no need to thank me. always glad to save your ass. you’re welcome.  ❞ ❝  i may be inhumanely beautiful, but i don’t have super human senses.  ❞ ❝  anyone can be made to talk, even a corpse. one must simply know how.  ❞ ❝  we’ve done the hardest part. only got the pleasant bits now.  ❞ ❝  there are few causes worth saving. even fewer men.  ❞ ❝  don’t treat me like a child.  ❞ ❝  there’s strange men lurking outside the house. watching me.  ❞ ❝  you must be careful what you wish for lest your wish be granted.    for there are consequences.  ❞ ❝  shall i be free of the suffering? the sadness?  ❞ ❝  i wish to gaze into those eyes, eyes the devil would be proud to have.  ❞ ❝  you were born with a great gift. and only you can decide how to use it.  ❞ ❝  any other words of wisdom? or can we go?  ❞ ❝  what i need is an ally. and something tells me i shall find none better than you.  ❞ ❝  i can see no row can occur here without your participation.  ❞ ❝  i and what concerns me have not been a concern of yours for some time now.  ❞ ❝  if you’d not arrived in time, things might have ended considerably worse.  ❞ ❝  if they can bleed, they can die.  ❞ ❝  a man must display some madness from time to time --- it helps him feel alive.  ❞ ❝  i was deeply troubled. you’ve no idea.  ❞ ❝  done that so many times, but...it felt like our first kiss to me.  ❞ ❝  don’t need to play tough on me.  ❞ ❝  i've lost too many mates already. i won’t risk it, i can't.  ❞ ❝  there’s just not enough of us. it’ll be a hard fight.  ❞ ❝  in lonely woods, screams carry long.  ❞ ❝  things used to be simpler.    monsters were bad, humans good.   now, everything’s all confused.  ❞ ❝  as for your missteps --- i don't rightly see why i shouldn't laugh if they're amusing..  ❞ ❝  i’ve no gold to offer you in reward...but i shall be ever so grateful.  ❞ ❝  if you’re scared, turn back. i’m gonna go on.  ❞ ❝  if anything happens, i’ll defend you.  ❞ ❝  once you say "i love you," a kiss has to taste differently.  ❞ ❝  maybe we should sit? you look a bit dazed...  ❞ ❝  drink it off, sleep it off, whatever it takes...just get yourself together and think things        through.  ❞ ❝  i shall join later, if it’s no trouble. i don’t yet feel strong enough to venture out.  ❞ ❝  awake at last. you writhed like a squirrel caught in a snare.  ❞ ❝  again you plan without even asking what i think!  ❞ ❝  come to see how i’m feelin'? thanks, not bad.  ❞ ❝  i remember that day quite well...there was a light drizzle, yet the cold tore right through you.  ❞ ❝  you gotta keep your eyes peeled wide open. someone’s taken an interest in your work.  ❞ ❝  oof...for a minute, i actually thought we were doomed.  ❞ ❝  you shouldn’t worry yourself --- it tarnishes your beauty.  ❞ ❝  i’d even embrace you...were you not covered in blood.  ❞ ❝  guess i could’ve been someone worse...just a shame i had no choice.  ❞ ❝  facts interest me. not fairytales.  ❞ ❝  hm, odd smell. blend of alcohol, blood and monster stench.  ❞ ❝  i’m old and i am wealthy. i may say what i please.  ❞ ❝  now, be so kind and leave me to my thoughts.  ❞ ❝  in your shoes i’d pack it up and go hide somewhere far away.  ❞ ❝  forgive me, but that's the blatherin' of someone who clearly can't snap out of it after a tragic loss.  ❞ ❝  that all you gotta say? i saved your life.  ❞ ❝  i swear on all that is holy: we shall be together forever.  ❞ ❝  think of me as part of the decor.  ❞ ❝  anyone who’s bold enough to fight is already a hero.  ❞ ❝  if this is a trap of some sort...  ❞ ❝  you can count on me, you know? always.  ❞ ❝  you don’t know how much it means...to have someone you can rely on in this fucking city.  ❞ ❝  i know you. you have no heart.  ❞ ❝  no room for friendship in this business.  ❞ ❝  evil is evil. lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. the degree is arbitrary, the definitions blurred.  ❞ ❝  hands off, or i'll cut them off.  ❞ ❝  i’ll need to clear my head first. after those deranged dreams, i feel it’s full of cobwebs.  ❞ ❝  on your way? or will you stay longer? it’s far safer with you around...  ❞ ❝  really sad story, but something’s not right. got a feeling you’re not telling me everything.  ❞ ❝  gotta admit, there’s something about you. you’re...different.  ❞ ❝  with each arrow i shoot, i think of my dad. he’d be proud, i think.  ❞ ❝  i merely know when to indulge my pride, and when to swallow it.  ❞ ❝  you were born to greatness.  ❞ ❝  these’re dark, grim times. no room for knights pure of heart or happily-ever-afters.  ❞ ❝  a life without liquor’s like loving without licking.  ❞ ❝  my certainty i walk the right path grows strong as iron, firm as steel.  ❞ ❝  few make me feel awkward, but in your presence, i feel anxiety, discomfort.  ❞ ❝  some men have got good reason to fear their own shadows.  ❞ ❝  some men cannot admit defeat. some keep fighting from beyond the grave.  ❞ ❝  stare into their eyes, feast on their terror. then go in for the kill.  ❞ ❝  forget not that you are a person right and honorable, devoted to doing good.  ❞ ❝  ash shall fertilize the soil. by spring, the valley shall bloom once more.  ❞ ❝  there’s lots of wraiths here. i hear them whispering every night.  ❞ ❝  no one has the courage to face this threat! yet we must kill them, or sooner or later we will all die.  ❞ ❝  you are a step away from losing your head. speak the truth and you might yet keep it.  ❞ ❝  you carry within you the weight of a terrible tragedy. you are a good person, but lost. which is why you come across as grim.  ❞ ❝  if i understand you correctly, you would rather help a monster than kill it?  ❞ ❝  discouraged after a mere eight attempts?  ❞ ❝  easier to pat someone on the back and hope things will work out than it is to face the truth.  ❞ ❝  know that they can’t teach an old dog new tricks?  ❞ ❝  my, you’ve grown beautiful.  ❞ ❝  my swords a promise --- if i reach for it, heads will roll.  ❞ ❝  one condition: no one dies. that clear?  ❞ ❝  patience happens to be my weakness. so dispense with the dramatic pauses and talk.  ❞ ❝  you proved today you can take care of yourself.  ❞ ❝  you under the delusion you’ll complete your tasks, live happily ever after?  ❞ ❝  i will not sit and twiddle my thumbs. i'm sick of waiting, sick of hiding!  ❞ ❝  glad you know who i am. haven’t introduced yourself, though.  ❞ ❝  i’ve seen a great deal --- cruelty, cynicism, greed.  ❞ ❝  you tempt fate, because at heart you are unhappy.  ❞ ❝  we had our chance, but...let it go.  ❞ ❝  come now, you didn’t expect it to be that easy, did you?  ❞ ❝  promise me one thing --- you’ll stop risking your life for others.  ❞ ❝  instead of dwelling on the future, i’d rather live in the moment.  ❞ ❝  i adore love stories. especially the ones that end happily ever after.  ❞ ❝  we are drops of rain that together make a ferocious storm.  ❞ ❝  the path to freedom is paved in blood, not ink.  ❞ ❝  we’ll get our happy ending. one day.  ❞ ❝  i’ll never forget what you did for me...and what we had together.  ❞ ❝  don’t meddle in other people’s lives.  ❞ ❝  i don’t get attached to places. just people.  ❞ ❝  it’s dangerous, there are risks involved. understand that, don’t you?  ❞ ❝  and here i hoped someone would finally take pity on me.  ❞ ❝  seen a lot of dead in my time, but that must’ve been hard.  ❞ ❝  air is strange...like dropping into a deep cellar on a hot day...  ❞ ❝  wouldn’t carry a sword if i didn’t know how to use it.  ❞ ❝  take it you didn't summon me to reminisce about the good old days, so...  ❞ ❝  i was attacked --- had to defend myself.  ❞ ❝  guards have never stopped me, you know that.  ❞ ❝  treating the ill and wounded...it’s my calling.  ❞ ❝  you think it’s enchanted?  ❞ ❝  there are times when a woman should simply not explain her decision.  ❞ ❝  won’t find too many comforts, but try to feel at home.  ❞ ❝  i was looking for you...sometimes i thought you were just a step away. other times, i felt like i was going around in circles.  ❞ ❝  i’ll remember you. always with a smile.  ❞ ❝  i’d rather you not make anymore trouble --- for yourself, or us both.  ❞ ❝  got the stench of corpes on you.  ❞ ❝  you stood to gain --- that is why you saved me.  ❞ ❝  sages invariably have hidden agendas. altruism is simply not part of their constitution.  ❞ ❝  the gods have abandoned us. the mighty of this earth care not for our fate.  ❞ ❝  is that admiration i hear in your voice?  ❞ ❝  i started off heading in the opposite direction, but then turned around.  ❞ ❝  i’m fed up. i won’t have others deciding for me behind my back.  ❞ ❝  where’d you get this idea? what’s gotten into you?  ❞ ❝  i don't expect you to commit now. think it over, what you've heard, what you feel.  ❞ ❝  head torn clear off...takes incredible strength.  ❞ ❝  desperate fathers have been known to do a lot to find their daughters.  ❞ ❝  you cannot kill me. you know this...  ❞ ❝  "i give you my heart”? what kind of spell is that?  ❞ ❝  i’d go anywhere with you.  ❞ ❝  why? because i am a woman? in a frock, rather than plate? i can take care of myself, i assure you.  ❞ ❝  everything we discussed here, hope you’ll keep it to yourself. counting on it, in fact.  ❞ ❝  trusted you once. won’t make that mistake again.  ❞ ❝  shut up. i’ve heard enough of your bullshit. draw your weapon, let’s get this over with.  ❞ ❝  exaggerating for effect, right?  ❞ ❝  well, well...when cornered, you can bite.  ❞ ❝  you cannot win...even if you kill me.  ❞ ❝  you know i’m good at accomplishing the impossible.  ❞ ❝  it’s nothing, really. you’d have done the same for me.  ❞ ❝  you are not ready. you do not control your powers.  ❞ ❝  you’re a tool in their hands, even if you don’t see it.  ❞ ❝  i’d do anything for you, i would. you know that well.  ❞ ❝  this is a land where the fantastic is normal, and the impossible occurs daily...  ❞ ❝  know when a legend becomes a prophecy? when it gain believers.  ❞ ❝  i thought you’d become a stranger to me. that i’d look at you and not feel a thing. but it’s not like that at all. nothing’s changed.  ❞ ❝  to be honest, i just wanted to go on a walk with you.  ❞ ❝  what i really want is to be with you, to...to be together and...  ❞ ❝  this is not the kind of offer one refuses.  ❞ ❝  despair devours you like maggots devour a corpse.  ❞ ❝  before long every soul will kneel before you.  ❞ ❝  i run into dilemmas all the time. situations where it's hard to judge, hard to know what's right, make a decision. this is not one of them. you disgust me. and deserve to die.  ❞ ❝  you know me. i’m rare to praise, but when i do, it’s sincere.  ❞ ❝  i'm not a thug for hire.  ❞ ❝  i like being on adventures, sleeping under the stars, waking up with dew on my face.  ❞ ❝  the dream's within reach now. i’m not about to let it go.  ❞ ❝  unlike you, killing gives me no pleasure.  ❞ ❝  can't speak for the world you inhabit, but in mine, nothing is ever black and white.  ❞ ❝  you cannot possibly imagine how much i detest this place.  ❞ ❝  stones you’ve got. but i didn’t think you’d have the stomach for a massacre.  ❞ ❝  the dead man --- looked like a monster attacked him recently.  ❞ ❝  finish all your business before you die. bid loved ones farewell. write your will. apologize to those you’ve wronged. otherwise, you’ll never truly leave this world.  ❞ ❝  i've had nothing but nightmares lately. pretty horrible.  ❞ ❝  i was wandering through the forest, breathing deep the air, and then i heard a strange sound, unsettling.  ❞ ❝  had a few nice dreams. for example, in one we sat around a fire, drinking good wine, and all around people danced and laughed.  ❞ ❝  they’re all dead! mountains of corpses. yet here i stand alone. all alone.  ❞ ❝  this isn’t a game. men have died.  ❞ ❝  if you wanna listen, listen, if not --- i'd rather you spared me your wit and throw me out now.  ❞ ❝  you fed me, cared for me, had my wounds looked after. we're even now.  ❞ ❝  you’ll return, you shall. our fates are bound.  ❞ ❝  i’ve nothing left. not a fucking thing.  ❞ ❝  i don’t question your abilities. i simply don’t trust you.  ❞ ❝  what foolish things men sometimes do.  ❞ ❝  dare harm me, and against you will rise all the powers of nature.  ❞ ❝  did you destroy the evil powers? have you brought peace to my domain?  ❞ ❝  well, perhaps i shall tell you about it one day. one day, but not today..  ❞ ❝  times like these, you never know what tomorrow will bring.  ❞ ❝  you worry too much. what will be, will be.  ❞ ❝  have you gone completely mad? we must leave here at once!  ❞ ❝  time eats away at memories, distorts them. sometimes we only remember the good... sometimes only the bad.  ❞ ❝  you don’t need magic to strip men of their humanity. i’ve seen plenty of examples.  ❞ ❝  if i’m to choose between one evil and another, i’d rather not choose at all.  ❞ ❝  see what i’ve got on my back? wolves fear it. kings do, too.  ❞ ❝  i missed those awkward compliments of yours.  ❞ ❝  sometimes i think it’s all too lovely to be true…that something’s bound to happen, another war or some other horror.  ❞ ❝  took you a while. did you run into trouble?  ❞ ❝  i just travel a lot. and i don't always happen upon such good and civil company.  ❞ ❝  what can you know about saving the world, silly?  ❞ ❝  done my share of fighting. wouldn't carry a sword if i didn't know to use it.  ❞ ❝  all right, perhaps i wasn’t completely honest.  ❞ ❝  ever thought this day would come? me and you...peace and quiet...bees buzzing, birds chirping.  ❞ ❝  i detect a shadow of impatience in your face.  ❞ ❝  took me a long time to find you. wasn't an easy road to travel.  ❞ ❝  wipe that frown off your face, or i might think you don’t like me anymore.  ❞ ❝  always believed attack was the best defense.  ❞ ❝  once it’s all over, if we survive ... i wish to leave, go far away.   and i’d like you to come with me.  ❞ ❝  naturally, you suspect me of the worst. i don’t deserve that.  ❞ ❝  we can fight another time, in another place, where the walls have no ears.  ❞ ❝  once i was free...i shall be free once more.  ❞ ❝  believe me...a tavern, mulled wine, our boots drying by the fire --- i’d like nothing better.  ❞ ❝  prove it. kiss me.  ❞ ❝  the prophecies do not lie...you cannot survive this struggle.  ❞ ❝  i know you better than you think.  ❞ ❝  you know me. nothing i like more than breaking rules.  ❞ ❝  what’s happened? it’s so quiet, all of a sudden.  ❞ ❝  thank you, for coming with me.  ❞ ❝  i cannot do everything for you. use your head.  ❞ ❝  i'm angry and tired. had to kill a lot of people along the way.  ❞ ❝  we’ve come a long way, and i’d be damned if we’ve come to fail.  ❞ ❝  i sense your pain. i see your fear.  ❞ ❝  how’s this for an answer: kiss my ass.  ❞ ❝  how many have you already killed? how many more might you still?  ❞ ❝  i'm quite alive and extraordinarily well. better than i've ever been in this rotten life of mine.  ❞ ❝  i like it when you smile. come here. everything will be all right.  ❞ ❝  ugh. don’t fall in love with me.  ❞ ❝  i don’t like you. in fact, i feel like slapping you.  ❞ ❝  i'm too old to play the blushing bride...unless you ask nicely.  ❞ ❝  that bit of my life --- forgotten it already.  ❞ ❝  the world doesn’t need a hero. it needs a professional.  ❞ ❝  next time you wonder why i’m so bitter...well, there's your answer.  ❞ ❝  nothing wrong with having a drink in good company.  ❞ ❝  i want you behind those rocks. and keep your mouth shut.  ❞ ❝  nice of you to worry...but i've made my decision, and i won't change it.  ❞ ❝  this is my story, not yours. you must let me finish telling it.  ❞ ❝  after all that toil, i believe we deserve a bit of a rest.  ❞ ❝  i was afraid you were dead.  ❞ ❝  we’ve all some stain on our conscience.  ❞ ❝  leaving the castle walls means certain death.  ❞ ❝  right good jest. had us a laugh. now fuck off.  ❞ ❝  i’ve heard about you. you bring trouble, or thus far have, always.  ❞ ❝  ah, you’ve struck a raw nerve.    memories of a time long past to which i’d rather not return now.  ❞ ❝  we meet again. and it seems you need my help. again.  ❞ ❝  got a relative i can talk to? someone - how do i say this - a smidgen less irritating?  ❞ ❝  miss the target, you owe me fifty push-ups. hit it, you owe me twenty.  ❞ ❝  oh. serious talk coming.  ❞ ❝  i feel like one more lie'd be the last bitter drop in a chalice full of sorrow.  ❞ ❝  romantic? thought we came here as friends.  ❞ ❝  you’re hiding something. and that’s one thing i can’t stand.  ❞ ❝  tell me, how do you do it? always manage to pull yourself together, focus, no matter what’s happening?  ❞ ❝  i go wherever i please, whenever i please.  ❞ ❝  uh oh. i know that look.  ❞ ❝  sounds tempting. so tempting i don’t think i can refuse.  ❞ ❝  so, what do you say to a moonlight ride on horseback...and dinner?  ❞ ❝  perhaps...perhaps you’d stay just a bit longer?  ❞ ❝  how are you feeling? sleep well?  ❞ ❝  such a gloomy subject to broach...  simply shouldn’t have.  ❞

❝  such a gloomy subject to broach...i simply shouldn’t have --- not during our romantic dinner.  ❞ ❝  got it. a bit of blackmail --- just your style.  ❞ ❝  it’s the crack of dawn. where do you wanna go?  ❞ ❝  shut up before you wake someone. last thing we need is a crowd.  ❞ ❝  watch what you say. the trees have ears.  ❞ ❝  no bow at hand, no spear. my sword was all i had.  ❞ ❝  never expected you’d take such an interest in my private life.  ❞ ❝  i’m special. always was the rare beauty.  ❞ ❝  damn. been ages since we last saw each other.  ❞ ❝  some charming orchards nearby. in bloom, even, so you almost can't smell the corpses.  ❞ ❝  you know me. nothing i like more than breaking rules.  ❞ ❝  man spends his whole life learning.  ❞ ❝  if only i was as skilled with my words as i am with my blade.  ❞ ❝  i wished to know what was going on in that head of yours. i thought perhaps i could help.  ❞ ❝  i can tell something’s bothering you.  ❞ ❝  dangerous times. each thinks five times before sticking their neck out.   and i can’t blame them.  ❞ ❝  now i care not in the slightest how you think or feel.  ❞ ❝  i no longer know if i still hate you.  ❞ ❝  i see how you look at me, and i see you wither.  ❞ ❝  one last bit of advice --- find a new tavern. everyone here knows you.  ❞ ❝  you won. no point bothering with ‘what ifs’.  ❞ ❝  it’s time i took fate into my own hands. lived life anew...and truly, this time.  ❞ ❝  ahh, 'cause you thought you'd killed me that time. surprise, sur-fucking-prise.  ❞ ❝  who...who’s that? gods, i’m hallucinating.  ❞ ❝  it’s no exaggeration to say i’ve never met a warrior like you in my life. you’re lithe as an eel and strong as a bear.  ❞ ❝  i’ve a heart again, yet all it feels is grief, sadness and defeat. my life is a ruin.  ❞ ❝  sought only to protect myself. in doing so, i put you in harm’s way. forgive me.  ❞ ❝  there’s a charming grove nearby where  kisses  taste  sweeter than anywhere else in the world.  ❞ ❝  you’ve handled tougher situations. you’ll figure this one out.  ❞ ❝  who you are and why you’ve come matter little. for you’ll not leave this place alive.  ❞ ❝  i’m not panicking. just trying to be realistic.  ❞ ❝  hahahahaha...i can’t believe you fell for that!  ❞ ❝  i was actually going to recite an anthem praising your glory, but if you’re not in the mood...  ❞ ❝  lying didn’t always come so easily to you.  ❞ ❝  everyone wants to rule. i can do that better than any monarch.  ❞ ❝  tell me what you want already, and make it quick.  ❞ ❝  what a mess we made of it all...if i’d only known then how it would end...  ❞ ❝  seems a faded dream now, but there were a time where i was happy.  ❞ ❝  why’d you leave me? you claimed you loved me.  ❞ ❝  never liked boats. not one bit.  ❞ ❝  you must be mad. i’ve no intention to make things easier for you.  ❞ ❝  i don’t wish to look at your face any longer than i must.  ❞ ❝  please, no. i can’t stand spells.  ❞ ❝  we agreed not to keep any secrets from one another. we promised.  ❞ ❝  that i like! a man who boldly dares, damn the risks!  ❞ ❝  i thought you bowed before no man.  ❞ ❝  smile a bit wider. ...you were meant to smile, not bare your teeth.  ❞ ❝  is that blood? have you hurt yourself?  ❞ ❝  no reason to trouble the guards. i’ll go willingly.  ❞ ❝  look at me. promise you’ll stay out of it.  ❞ ❝  the minute we’re in trouble, you make me responsible for getting us out.  ❞ ❝  they say they don’t fear the wrath of the gods. and you, do you fear it?  ❞ ❝  i’ll let that pass. i know grief eats at your heart.  ❞ ❝  we all lie sometimes. but lying to yourself is running away, whereas there’s really nowhere to run.  ❞ ❝  don’t need your sympathy, just your help.  ❞ ❝  your loss -- it must hurt, bad. but there wasn't anything we could do.  ❞ ❝  i wish to leave, go far away. and i’d like you to come with me.  ❞ ❝  i trust you have an explanation for this. a very good one.  ❞ ❝  lot of bitterness in you.  ❞ ❝  i assure you, you’re excellent at covering your tracks --- though not terribly subtle. but i’m even better at uncovering them.  ❞ ❝  glad to see you happy...but i don’t think what we did was right.  ❞ ❝  i look at you, and...and feel like i am exactly where i am supposed to be. at long last.  ❞ ❝  i’m no coward. i'll not run this time.  ❞ ❝  yes, i know you’ve trained with swords. but you’re still shit with them.  ❞ ❝  how many innocents have you cut down?  ❞ ❝  problem is, you’re not ordinary. you were born to greatness.  ❞ ❝  not too late to surrender.  ❞ ❝  men turn honest when they feel a blade at their throat.  ❞ ❝  i'm not gonna drink. why dull my senses when i’m in such pleasant company?  ❞ ❝  it’s bound to come in handy, and each time it does, you’ll think of me.  ❞ ❝  lie still or you will bleed to death.  ❞ ❝  your life is yours, exclusively. you choose who you are.  ❞ ❝  for a minute there, was almost sure you’d leave me to die.  ❞ ❝  there is never a second opportunity to make a first impression.  ❞ ❝  it’s all because of that secretiveness of yours.  ❞ ❝  plead the gods spare us, for without their favor we shall most certainly perish.  ❞ ❝  i must say -- seen a lot, but nothing like this, never.  ❞ ❝  you don’t look like you can get home on your own. i’ll walk you.  ❞ ❝  all’s in the past, never to be restored.  ❞ ❝  you know full well i never hold a grudge. i forgive you.  ❞ ❝  the good gods sent you to me.  ❞ ❝  and the guilt, the responsibility of all this, lies with me.  ❞ ❝  you’ve only been here five minutes, and you’ve already managed to offend me twice.  ❞ ❝  you will certainly fetch me a higher bounty alive.  ❞ ❝  what's wrong with my beard? always thought it added to my dignity.  ❞ ❝  if i’m to die today, i wish to look smashing for the occasion.  ❞ ❝  i was stupid. stupidity costs a lot.  ❞ ❝  even your humblest requests seem like threats.  ❞ ❝  your motives do not interest me. only results.  ❞ ❝  and you laughed, oh, how sweetly, how brightly you laughed!  ❞ ❝  you don’t know how it is. to see someone you love die. because of you, for you.  ❞ ❝  to have a scapegoat --- that’s the key.  ❞ ❝  no need to fear me.  ❞ ❝  sorry, but -- your life story? just not interested.  ❞ ❝  with you...it was love at first sight.  ❞ ❝  gotta understand. you don’t betray people like me.  ❞ ❝  i struggled long to find a place where i’d feel safe, needed. until i finally arrived here.  ❞ ❝  just don’t faint on me.  ❞ ❝  could never be there for you everyday. but i’m happy to see you always. and today, i’m all yours.  ❞ ❝  what others think...your image...that’s all you care about.  ❞ ❝  in these foul times one must be wary, even of their friends.  ❞ ❝  come on, don’t get angry - it’s not good for you..  ❞ ❝  so, apart from the sword play, you know potions and all that?  ❞ ❝  i actually envy your sense of wonder --- common in children, and morons.  ❞ ❝  a lot of misfortune for a small village.  ❞ ❝  who are you? do you seek to hurt me as well?  ❞ ❝  the hand that feeds can also strike its wayward wards.  ❞ ❝  shh. eat now. we’ll speak once you’ve rested.  ❞ ❝  brother has turned against brother, the land is soaked in blood. evil reigns stronger than ever before.  ❞ ❝  good looking and clever. where’ve you been hiding?  ❞ ❝  doesn’t bother you, having monsters for neighbours?  ❞ ❝  stay here --- no matter what happens.  ❞ ❝  i never told you this, but i’ve always felt it: i love you.  ❞ ❝  listen to me this once -- don't take matters into your own hands.  ❞ ❝  love these moments. the air before a battle -- nothing smells as sweet.  ❞ ❝  they tried to get in through the main gate. i’m afraid they could succeed next time.  ❞ ❝  too many claim you’re evil.  ❞ ❝  why are you so eager to help strangers? sit your ass down or there’ll be misfortune.  ❞ ❝  you'd never have managed without me, would you? come, now, admit it.  ❞ ❝  for those who remain, death should never take precedence over life.  ❞ ❝  thanks for coming. thanks for risking your life for me.  ❞ ❝  don’t force me to speak of it. no more, please.  ❞ ❝  when doubt plagues your mind, follow your instincts. should they steer you wrong and land you in muck, you'll land at peace with yourself. and that's most important.  ❞ ❝   just know that i know you're here. one misstep, one error...you'll make a mistake, it's inevitable...i'll be the first to learn it.  ❞ ❝  i do not know you. i’ve done you no harm.  ❞ ❝  try not to panic...just doesn’t suit you.  ❞ ❝  we’ve come a long way, and i’ll be damned if we’ve come to fail.  ❞ ❝  had i known what would happen here, i'd never have come.  ❞ ❝  i can say i’ve seen it all now.  ❞ ❝  these scars have long yearned for your tender caress.  ❞ ❝  i don’t fall victim to curses. i cast them.  ❞ ❝  come outside. we can hold hands and stare at the sky.  ❞ ❝  we’ll work well together --- i can see that already.  ❞ ❝  from the first moment i set eyes upon you that fateful evening, my heart has only beaten for you.  ❞ ❝  i trust you as much as you trust me --- not at all.  ❞ ❝  you’ve gone all red in the face just for talking about it.  ❞ ❝  wake up. it’s just a dream. wake up!  ❞ ❝  i still don’t believe everything that happened.  ❞ ❝  i never miss twice.  ❞ ❝  bit too old to believe in bedtime stories, aren’t you?  ❞ ❝  you humans have...unusual tastes.  ❞ ❝  didn’t think it worthwhile to tell me, warn me of your plans?  ❞ ❝  i think you will not attack one unarmed.  ❞ ❝  the deeper i get into this, the more i gotta wonder...why’re you even helping me?  ❞ ❝  to live in peace, we first must kill.  ❞ ❝  at times fate muddles our path, and life turns toilsome, hard to bear.  ❞ ❝  i fight for whoever’s paying the best. or whoever’s easier to rob.  ❞ ❝  do not let my beauty distract your aim.  ❞ ❝  i’ve seen what is to come, i know destruction approaches.  ❞ ❝  the war awoke an ancient power. an evil one that feeds on bloodshed.  ❞ ❝  guess you’re no stranger to fury, either.  ❞ ❝  think i’m gonna fall for that? no chance, you’re wrong.  ❞ ❝  gotta admit --- you do pretty well with a sword.  ❞ ❝  you dare tell me to calm down?! you?!  ❞ ❝  let's say i go about my business, and when there's coin to be earned, i don't readily turn it down.  ❞ ❝  i wish to know the truth...be it sweet, be it painful, i wish to know.  ❞ ❝  men, the polite ones at least, would call me a monster.  ❞ ❝  even i grow ill at the sight of you.  ❞ ❝  i’m going on a walk. or is that not allowed either? because i could break my leg?  ❞ ❝  plan’s crazier than it is sane...but there’s an irrestistible charm to it.  ❞ ❝  unbelievable! you said something romantic! you!  ❞ ❝  we may not survive this. in fact, our chances are slim.  ❞ ❝  if anything should happen to you...  ❞ ❝  there’s not been a dark cloud yet that didn’t have a silver lining.  ❞ ❝  those are some fresh lookin’ scars you’ve got there.  ❞ ❝  no. no more about the battle. just hold me. and say something nice.  ❞ ❝  stay. this is the only home we’ve ever had.  ❞ ❝  you’re so charming when you try to be funny.  ❞ ❝  not proud of it...yet i considered all the options and found none better.  ❞ ❝  i look far different from when you last saw me.  ❞ ❝  i admire your optimism. wish i shared it.  ❞ ❝  and...try not to draw any attention to yourself.  ❞ ❝  nightmares haunt our nights and days. folk sleepwalk from their homes, never to return.  ❞ ❝  forgive me. it couldn’t be avoided. i truly am sorry.  ❞ ❝  well i’ve departed, escaped, been forced to flee so many times…yet i always returned. you ought to be used to it by now.  ❞ ❝  the human mind is as wild and unexplored a place as any land far beyond the sea.  ❞ ❝  you think you’ve won. you are wrong. i can’t die.  ❞ ❝  you’re something more. something more.  ❞ ❝  barely nicked me, i’ll be fine.  ❞ ❝  it’s just that i felt...stifled, in your shadow. i’d have suffocated had i stayed.  ❞ ❝  come, don’t just stand there. i want a hug.  ❞ ❝  it’s lovely here! i could stay forever.  ❞ ❝  do what you will, but leave me out of this.  ❞ ❝  we should end this discussion -- before i say something i'll regret.  ❞ ❝  you all right? you’re as pale as death.  ❞ ❝  let’s get back to the hut. i’ll protect you along the way.  ❞ ❝  not to keen on talking about it, are you?  ❞ ❝  it’s better to die than to live in the knowledge that you’ve done something that needs forgiveness.  ❞ ❝  i was afraid you were dead.  ❞ ❝  at times one must use reason, rather than blades.  ❞ ❝  need some peace. gotta prepare.  ❞ ❝  i suspected it might not be the best idea, but i was desperate, had no choice.  ❞ ❝  so tell me how it happened. step by step.  ❞ ❝  it was a bit of a lark, a jest. i meant to bring it all back, i swear.  ❞ ❝  if i wanted to kill you, you'd be long dead by now.  ❞ ❝  that is precisely one of the reasons why i abhor your world.    your senseless brutality.  ❞ ❝  i won’t let them take you, you know that?  ❞ ❝  magic...childish hocus-pocus. it’s just not interesting. what i find fascinating are true tales of true human lives.  ❞ ❝  save your praise for others. i couldn’t give a shit.  ❞ ❝  well, well, i am impressed. doubted you still had it in you, frankly.  ❞ ❝  i like you. don’t make me hurt you.  ❞ ❝  you know very little can hurt you being immortal, so you take wild risks, chase extreme sensations. there comes a point you’ve done it all, and all seems boring and monotonous.  ❞ ❝  with you i finally feel...harmony. a calm. feel like things are the way they're supposed to be.  ❞ ❝  i'm afraid the dishwater’s as good as it gets in this establishment.  ❞ ❝  sorry to take so long, but i had to deal with the guards.  ❞ ❝  i’d never miss a chance to spend a pleasant evening with you.  ❞ ❝  you know too much. yet one more reason why you must die.  ❞ ❝  or perhaps you seek to trick me.  ❞ ❝  if you acknowledge any gods...start praying, now.  ❞ ❝  it’s very simple. you either deceived me...or not.  ❞ ❝  i am known neither for my sense of humor nor for my patience.  ❞ ❝  naturally, it would be easier with your help, but...you irritate me.  ❞ ❝  love questions like that. am i holding up? what, my dick?  ❞ ❝  we never hunt in these woods. not even if it means the whole village starves.  ❞ ❝  we’re only ever the ones to know the truth about ourselves.  ❞ ❝  you’re insolent because you believe i cannot afford to hurt you. and you’re right.  ❞ ❝  i detest graveyards, especially wandering them alone.  ❞ ❝  you know too much. you impede me too often. and i find your arrogance an annoyance.  ❞ ❝  i know it’s wartime, but try not to be a hero, all right?  ❞ ❝  i don’t know that i’ll make for engaging company. in truth, i rarely talk to men.  ❞ ❝  you know...had a dream about you recently.  ❞ ❝  i thought i could at least count on you to treat me seriously.  ❞ ❝  don’t ask questions you know the answers to. it makes you look stupid.  ❞ ❝  you’re nosy. starting to piss me off, you know?  ❞ ❝  what did i do to deserve this? have i given you cause to doubt my intentions?  ❞ ❝  don’t fret about me. i always get by somehow, right?  ❞ ❝  i wanted to go with you --- that was my idea.  ❞ ❝  i shan’t stray a step from your side.  ❞ ❝  if that’s what it takes to save the world, it’s better to let that world die.  ❞ ❝  what’s that supposed to mean? that a threat?  ❞ ❝  i’m offering a great and true adventure, an experience like no other, the fate of only the chosen few.  ❞ ❝  that’s like choosing between pestilence and the plague.  ❞ ❝  what’s it matter? i only ever thought of you.  ❞ ❝  did you know you’ve gained twenty-seven new scars since we’ve last saw each other?  ❞ ❝  i need to know the details if you want me to get my hands dirty.  ❞ ❝  don’t know you. go away.  ❞ ❝  ever vigilant, even in your sleep. quite vampire-like, in fact.  ❞ ❝  gotten used to people treating me like a freak, an outcast.  ❞ ❝  we share a cause, then. just like the old days.  ❞ ❝  ever considered becoming a burglar? skill like that’d come in awful handy.  ❞ ❝  there’s never been a frown that couldn’t be turned upside down.  ❞ ❝  honesty's an attribute of the truly brave --- and thus the privilege of the very few.  ❞ ❝  you do not have a monopoly in altruism, my friend.  ❞ ❝  great love demands great sacrifices.  ❞ ❝  i believe it wise at times to share one’s secrets, unburden oneself to those one can trust.  ❞ ❝  it would be nice from time to time if you could sit back and enjoy life, instead of going around solving everyone’s problems.  ❞ ❝  we shall dance until the break of dawn!  ❞ ❝  a man could lose his head for a lass like you.  ❞ ❝  don’t have to come if you don’t want. wait here.  ❞ ❝  never seen this side of you.  ❞ ❝  i’m to kiss the ground you walk on, is that it? but you just did your duty.  ❞ ❝  the day you give me a smile...that moment, that’s what i’m waiting for.  ❞ ❝  i need a soul intelligent and clever, an individual who fears no dare. someone like you.  ❞ ❝  if i was you i’d catch some shut-eye, not go on flapping my tongue.  ❞ ❝  the plan is simple...which does not mean it will be easy to execute.  ❞ ❝  sometimes you really get on my nerves, you know.  ❞ ❝  you shall not turn on me, use what i say against me? you shall not tell anyone?  ❞ ❝  gave you a chance. should’ve taken it.  ❞ ❝  always better to do a bit more and even gain nothing by it,    than to do too little and face regret.  ❞ ❝  it’s lovely out here. the birds singing, the bees buzzing...blissful, really.  ❞ ❝  what a lovely dress. the color suits you exquisitely.  ❞ ❝  pretty fantastic tale. hard as hell to believe.  ❞ ❝  it’s time you discovered my romantic side.  ❞ ❝  you gotta understand the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.  ❞ ❝  can you not see i am out of my mind with worry?  ❞ ❝  every rose has its thorn, and there are no happy endings.  ❞ ❝  pretty quick to reject help. why is that?  ❞ ❝  don’t need to like each other. just gotta do our jobs.  ❞ ❝  frankly, if i can do something for you, i'll do it, willingly.  ❞ ❝  you were hired you kill me, were you not?  ❞ ❝  what’s it like, going toe to toe with a monster? knowing you’ve only two options --- to kill or be killed?  ❞ ❝  this place --- there’s evil here. death hangs in the air.  ❞ ❝  intellect counts as much as strength.  ❞ ❝  i run back inside, hasp the doors, and then i hear it --- someone whispering my name.  ❞ ❝  you know i like you. unlike the rest of this lot, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.  ❞ ❝  if you love somebody, set them free.  ❞ ❝  if you hate me so deeply, why don’t you tell me to my face?  ❞ ❝  i’m afraid you’d not realize which way the wind was blowing if you pissed straight into it.  ❞ ❝  that was courageous. i'd never expect it from you.  ❞ ❝  i am not easily impressed, but i must admit you have succeeded, my dear.  ❞ ❝  kill me if you must. i’ve nothing to live for anyway.  ❞ ❝  aren’t you an extraordinary beauty.  ❞ ❝  never suspected you believed such things.  ❞ ❝  wait...you want to go with me? out of the question.  ❞ ❝  used to it. not the first time i’ve been hunted.  ❞ ❝  enough of this hesitation, this fretting, these feelings of guilt!  ❞ ❝  strange working with you. strange, but great.  ❞ ❝  give me a moment. i must don something more appropiate and concealing.  ❞ ❝  killing comes as naturally to me as blowing my nose.  ❞ ❝  ......   another tale of a life compromised and ultimately claimed by greed and ambition.  ❞ ❝  in the future, though, remember this --- i can look after myself  ❞ ❝  you'd really worry about me if i went on alone?  ❞ ❝  you have many merits. you merely hide them from the world very diligently.  ❞ ❝  is it true virtue always trumps villainy?  ❞ ❝  watch my movements. i’m spry as a cat and sly as a fox.  ❞ ❝  ah, if only this could last forever.  ❞ ❝  few i can rely on like i can on you. kinda hoping you think the same of me.  ❞ ❝  you are angry at the whole world. you feel inferior, feel pain, though you mask this with confidence, arrogance, even.  ❞ ❝  there exist worries for which there quite simply is no other medicine.  ❞ ❝  your bones look thin, your breathing’s wheezy. afraid one punch might kill you.  ❞ ❝  to love is to build a house of cards, or play a game of chess, but one word or ill-thought move and you must start it all afresh.  ❞ ❝  i’m doing what i ever wanted to do, being who i wanted to be. i believe that’s one definition of happiness.  ❞ ❝  you’ve not an ounce of refinement in you, have you?  ❞ ❝  pain rules the body, but fear is born in the heart.  ❞ ❝  either i get burned, or i’ll burn all else down. no other options.  ❞ ❝  should you decide your sword is the sole solution, i shall not stand in your way.  ❞ ❝  c’mon, come closer.  ❞ ❝  would you prefer i treated you like the lying manipulater you are?  ❞ ❝  i regret nothing. one lives but once.  ❞ ❝  i just hope this tale has a happy ending. for me, for you. for everyone.  ❞ ❝  just gonna go our seperate ways? no parting words?  ❞ ❝  you still stand to be quite useful to me.  ❞ ❝  i suppose you wanted to frighten me...alas, you didn’t in the least. after all, i’m a monster too, am i not?  ❞ ❝  i trust no one. learned that long ago.  ❞ ❝  it cannot be! you actually have a sense of humor.  ❞ ❝  didn’t ask for a lecture on probability. need a simple answer --- yes or no.  ❞ ❝  another word, and i shall spill even more blood. yours.  ❞ ❝  you feel resentment, i understand, but we shall work through all the unfortunate matters of the past.  ❞ ❝  stop playing dumb. i know everything...your plan.  ❞ ❝  honestly can’t see what all those dames see in you --- you’re a stick in the mud.  ❞ ❝  not showy, lovely location...perfect for romantic getaways.  ❞ ❝  i hope you’re not upset i came like this, without warning...  ❞ ❝  i’m still a long way from mastering anything. but i am trying.  ❞ ❝  now i know how you do it. just annoy your opponents to death.  ❞ ❝  word on the street is there’s a hefty bounty on your head.  ❞ ❝  for a few days now i’ve been having dizzy spells.  ❞ ❝  i’ve always had a way with ostensibly dangerous types.  ❞ ❝  wound doesn’t look good.    patch that up quick if i were you, before it starts festering.  ❞ ❝  always seemed to me you were a very complicated creature, by nature. not one to resort to such simple methods like drinking your worries away.  ❞ ❝  may i be honest? yes, i’m nervous. i really would prefer to just run off.  ❞ ❝  father always said a wise man learns from others’ mistakes, so here i am, learning from his.  ❞ ❝  ever since that horrid night...everything has changed.  ❞ ❝  what’s wrong? afraid? gut feeling queasy?  ❞ ❝  used to bother me, all your secrets...now i know if you have something to tell me, you’ll tell me.  ❞ ❝  i so don’t feel like going anywhere. sit here a while longer?  ❞ ❝  there’s something i’d like to know...how can you be so damned calm?  ❞ ❝  my knees quake like a carnival rattle.  ❞ ❝  honestly didn’t think this’d work. doubted anything would happen.  ❞

#roleplay starters #roleplay meme #long post for ts /

[notebooknebula]

https://www.jayconner.com/jim-sheils-and-18-summers/

Jay Conner (00:02): Alright, Scott! It looks like we are live streaming right now. So come on up here up front Scott and join me for a moment and we'll hang out before we officially start. So what's going on in Metagene Columbia right now?

Scott Paton (00:23): Well, it's another beautiful day. We're having a, it's, we're excited because in a few days the quarantine is over and it will be replaced by who knows what it's not going to be like everybody opening up and dancing and sightseeing, and eating and drinking like they did before. But it's easing off, which is really good. We're very fortunate here compared to Peru and Ecuador, and certainly Brazil in that we've had a lot lower number of people who have died and a lot lower number of people who have been sick. So they're a little concerned that if they open it up too fast, everyone will be, will get ill. But I'm suspecting if we've been pretty much alone for a month and a half or two months to the corona virus has done its thing and it's time to get out and get some fresh air and be out in the mountains. So...

Jay Conner (01:13): Yeah. Well, my lands! I've heard you say over the last few weeks that they don't let you go outside for one hour a day.

Scott Paton (01:22): Only one hour a day. Two to three, and you have to be under 60 years old. So I've cheated on that one. But I don't get away with it because I look 25. So...

Jay Conner (01:34): You definitely look less than 60 that's for sure. I was going to say, though, they like to do different hours for different. Like, if your name ends in a P like Paton, you got a certain hour, you go out or they just let the whole world up for an hour.

Scott Paton (01:48): Well, isn't that weird, right? The whole world comes out from an hour. Now they pick two to three, which is the hottest time. So most people don't want to go out and you have one day a week where we're based on the last number of your like driver's license. You can go shopping in the big stores, but the little shops like around me, they are just happy to see me. They don't care what they have of the week. It is. And so it's kind of a little bit loosey goosey that way,

Jay Conner (02:14): Mercy. So if you're just now coming into the live stream, go ahead and type in the comments section and let us know what's, where you are tuning in from. Cause we always like to know. And I got a really special guest that I'm going to be introducing to you in just a moment. But before I do, I want to let everybody know what we've got going on for the next two Fridays, I've got two free trainings. And you can go learn all about it. And these are actually free. This coming Friday, May 29th. And then again on June 5th, Friday, you can go to www.JayConner.com/fortune. And one, we'll be talking about the next two Fridays, this coming Friday, it's going to be a position or teaching you the 30,000 foot view of my foreclosure system, how it is that we you know, locate foreclosures before other real estate investors know about them.

Jay Conner (03:19): And as pertains to COVID-19 I had to learn how to do this virtually. So again, that's 9:00 AM Eastern to 5:00 PM Eastern, this coming Friday. And then again on June 5th I call it, I'm gonna be teaching how to get what I call free private money. And that is of course you all know I'm known as the private money authority, but how you can actually get your deals funded without even having to raise private money. So again, you can go over to JayConner.com/fortune and learn. And get registered. Okay. Get registered to attend for these two upcoming Fridays.

Scott Paton (04:04): So Jay I just want to cut you off just for a second, and just say that we had our first Friday last Friday, it was awesome. We had over 2,500 attendees for the, throughout the eight hours. Pretty amazing. And when you go to JayConner.com/fortune at Jay is talking about private money, he's the private money authority last Friday. And I put the embed of that full eight hours of training on that same page. So you can watch it, whether you register or not. But if you want to see the next step, like these all fit together very nicely, then make sure you go, you register, see what happened last week, and then you'll be prepared, really prepared for what's going to happen this coming Friday. And we're really excited about what we're going to be sharing with you.

Jay Conner (04:50): And there is Dan! Hello, Dan Mewhorter. A mastermind member. Jay, these free sessions are incredible packed full of content. Anyone enters through the learning how to get into real estate investing or need to up their game need to be on this. Awesome. Dan! Thank you for the shout out. Alright, well, Scott, I'm ready to officially start this show and podcast. How about that?

Scott Paton (05:16): Alright, here we go.

Jay Conner (05:17): Alright. I'm going to give you three seconds of silence and here we go.

Jay Conner (05:31): Well, hello everybody. And welcome to another episode of real estate investing with Jay Conner. I'm your host, Jay Conner. Known as the private money authority. And I'm just so glad you're here. So you may be viewing live on the stream yard right now, or you may be listening to our podcast. It's on iTunes and Google play. Or you may be watching on YouTube or et cetera. Regardless as to whether you're watching or listening live, or you are listening or watching the replay, we're glad you're here. And, you know, we launched my podcast, we've launched the show. My lands! It was June, 2018. I can't believe that much time has gone by. Anyway, we have another show today and I've got a very special guest we're in a high end mastermind meeting together, and his name is Jim Sheils. Let me tell you a little bit about Jim and then we're going to bring him in from the green room.

Jay Conner (06:27): So Jim has been a full time real estate investor all the way back since 1999. So Jim's been doing it longer than me. I went full time in 2003 and Jim's ventures have done over 1000 acquisitions and rehabs. That's a lot of properties. So, getting a star in the Bakersfield, California, a left there in 2005, headed over to Northeast Florida. That's where he is now. So thought of the longterm growth patterns that were predicted for that area. So after 2008, and of course it was your recall. It was because of 2008 and 2009. That's how I became known as the private money authority. I was cut off from the banks and learn how to get a lot of private money fast. Nonetheless, after 2008 Jim's company did a bulk of foreclosure properties until switching their model to new construction, to adapt to the changing market conditions and needs.

Jay Conner (07:29): So Jim, forming a very dynamic of building partnership called Jack's wealth investments. They now focus on catering to investors in single family and small multiunit development in Jacksonville, Ocala, Palm coast and Atlanta, Georgia as well. Now, the big reason that I've got Jim here on the show today is because he runs a family education company called 18 summers. And I can't wait to hear the story behind him naming it that. But what this education company does it specialize in talks, workshops and retreats for entrepreneur families. They all, Jim also wrote his bestselling book titled the family board meeting that went to number one and categories of relationships, parenting and entrepreneurship. So Jim is an expert in training and teaching on how to have balance in your life and in your business. In addition to that, Jim is also an avid surfer. Andrew was traveling with his family, particularly when we come out of COVID-19, the travel will be turned back on and especially loves traveling with his beautiful wife, Jamie. And their four children. So anyway, what an adventurous guy and Jim's greatest adventure today was donating a kidney to the greatest guy on this planet from his perspective. And that of course, was his father. So with that, Jim, welcome to the show.

Jim Sheils (09:06): Hey Jay, good to see you! Good to be here,

Jay Conner (09:09): Great to see you fellow CG member. Great to have you here on the show, Jim. So I'm just so excited to have this conversation with you about balancing life, balancing business, and to learn more about your workshops and your, and your retreats that you do. But I gave, I gave the folks part of your background, but you started back in 1999. How did you start? What got you into it?

Jim Sheils (09:35): Yeah, I had always wanted to do something on my own and like most entrepreneurs, I started delving into everything from franchises to other business opportunities and I kept falling back on real estate and I like the tangibility of it. It made sense to me, you know, how to, how to take something and pull the levers to add cash flow, to add equity. That made sense. And so I just slowly started going into real estate investments out in central California, where it was where, Bakersfield, California was the blood of Johnny Carson's jokes for years, but it was an investor's playground where property started at 40 to $50,000, which is a lot better than you know, Santa Barbara County to two hours over the medium price is 900,000. So I just I had always had, yeah, it was crazy, crazy, crazy. So, yeah, that's how I got my start. I knew I wanted to do something on my own. I just started getting training in real estate and pulling the trigger, you know, and I always joke, what's your, what's the best real estate class you ever took? And I say 432 North M street. That was the first property I ever bought 21 years ago. So that was my best lesson ever.

Jay Conner (10:49): Wow! That's an amazing story. So, in your introduction that I was sharing with folks you did like over a thousand acquisitions and rehabs and et cetera, but what was it that caused you to switch over to your new model and tell everybody more about what your new model is?

Jim Sheils (11:12): Yeah, well, I guess I always wore that badge on my shoulder, right? I'm a rehabber! I'm a rehabber! And you know, it's tough to teach the old dog new tricks and I was the old dog by then. You got used to something and we did really well coming out of 2008 here, you know, when there was all that bank inventory, we got really good at finding foreclosures and renovating them and putting them in our own portfolio or working with other investors to build theirs. And the problem was Jay, about five years ago, man, those numbers started to change. You know, they were getting bid up. The numbers weren't making sense. You'd have to cut corners if you really want to make the numbers work. And I don't like to cut corners. So my now building partner who I had done deals with before said, you know, we should try some new construction.

Jim Sheils (11:59): And that was almost like, wow! What are you saying? Don't, Those are, that's a terrible word. We're rehabbers. And sure enough, it was the right thing to do because we weren't able to find old house inventory anymore where the numbers worked, but although new construction, so we basically do build a rent. Now we build new construction homes that are designed just for investment property and we focused on single family, duplexes and quads. But what we've been able to find is better inventory. It takes longer, there's more effort to it, Jay, you know, so we had to, you know, learn some new muscles with developing and zoning and longer timeframes, but overall for ourselves and our clients, it's more predictable, better areas, better properties, better longevity just a stronger overall investment. So it's, it was a big jump five years ago, but I'm really glad to the point now where I used to have that big rehab badge on my shoulder. I refuse to do rehabs anymore. I just won't do. I've just completely switched over to the other side.

Jay Conner (12:59): Okay. Excellent. Excellent. Well, let's dive right on in to 18 summers. And what that is? How you got the name? And why you started doing it?

Jim Sheils (13:14): Yeah. So 18 summers was a lesson that a mentor of mine taught me. I first started doing family talks and I had written my book, you know, a bunch of years ago. And he said to me, Jim, you're really onto something because there's so much out there that's available for the entrepreneur to grow their business, but not to keep their family intact. And what I always wanted to see, and I saw this at a young age, I got, I was able to get on stages at a young age at different events. Cause I had some success in real estate, but I saw some people who were highly successful in business and they were completely failing at home. And frankly Jay, that scared me. I didn't want that to be me. So this was out of my own necessity and need to make sure that I stayed in that success in business and success at home combination.

Jim Sheils (13:58): And so my mentor was talking about that and he said, look, the years are not all created equal. You've got 18 summers. And he's like, and I looked it up. The stats show 85% of quality time people. The average person ever gets with their family. Their children occurs by the end of the 18th summer because then they start to go off and the amount of timeframe goes down and that just gave me a positive motivation. And now when I went into my talks and workshops that gave the same positive motivation to others, how do we make the most of that time without taking away ambition? Cause I'm very ambitious, you know, being an entrepreneur, but I want to have that double success, Jay success in work and success at home. So 18 summers became, I believe the only family education outlet designed specifically for entrepreneur families to make sure that you can have the best of both worlds.

Jay Conner (14:46): I got you. That's fantastic. So let me let you put on your training hat on your coaching hat right now and share with our audience, what are some of the strategies that you, that you teach and train at your workshops on how to achieve that kind of balance.

Jim Sheils (15:12): Sure. Let's go through a couple of principles that I think will stick with people. One of the best compliments I get is what we teach is very, stickable, it's easy to understand, easy to buy into, easy to apply and see results. So let's give a couple of those today. You know, going through our world changed as you know, Jay post COVID, you know, it's, everything got brought home work, family school, you know, everything's happening from home. So couple of things came into life. And one of the things is the importance that you have in the position of your family, of setting the leadership tone, you know, focus, breeds, increase, and people were talking about toddler meltdowns and teen grumpiness. Can those things be eliminated? No, but they can be minimized. And I believe a lot of it has to do with how are you handling your self in front of your family?

Jim Sheils (16:02): You are setting the tone. And sometimes we forget that. That it's, that trickle down effect. And so I always try to remind people what tone are you setting at home? You know what tone are you setting? And one of the worst tones that you can set when you're having a bad business deal, when everyone's pulled up onto the sidelines, by something like a COVID-19 is, do you have the awareness to step back and say, Hey, this is not my family's fault. Now, a lot of people don't even think about that, but that's really important because you get wrapped up in a deal going wrong, or you're taking a call in your living room, which you shouldn't be, you should be separated and your kids act like a kid and yell and you get upset, you know, or you say, well, no, I'm not taking it out on them.

Jim Sheils (16:47): But when you stop and think, if we're showing shortness, anxiety, a little bitterness and our family's feeling the brunt, and it has something to do with business and not them, that's not a good tone to set. We got to remember, it's not our family's fault when these big things happen. And also we set the leadership tone. And if we can show ourselves to be stronger leaders, more calm, more playful, more not, I'm not saying overly optimistic, you know, like purple, you know, the Rose colored glasses, but that sets a tone that will trickle down to your spouse and children. So one of the most important jobs is as the leaders, that...

Jay Conner (17:25): What I love about that principle and I'm glad you call that principle because what you just said is so foundational. What I love about it, it reminds me of a Jack Canfield's very first principle in his book, success principles, which is, I am 100% responsible. Right? And what you just went over is you are bringing to light there that what we're experiencing in our home life is a manifestation of us. That's excellent. Excellent! Very foundational.

Jim Sheils (18:07): Then it gets us back to the foundation back to the core. And that's really important, especially when you're thrown into a bunch of deals or you're thrown into a pandemic, we all get shook up. So then we have to breathe in and reground our feet. And that's one of the best things to remember. I set the tone. And I'm not going to set it perfectly, but the better I set it, the better things are going to be. So that's a big one. A second one Jay, that I love is, we all heard about in COVID again, not to keep going back to COVID COVID about social distancing, right? That's I get it. That's, that made sense. But what about tech distancing? The principle of tech distancing, Jay is absolutely essential right now essential. And it's got two parts to it. First, if your home don't be worked puking in your living room.

Jim Sheils (18:58): So let's say you're standing there, your family's having a great family moment that buzz in your pocket happens with a text where you're taking a phone call. And then all of a sudden you're getting heated in front of them, or you get off the phone and you're standing there with a scalp because something didn't go right. You've now just mixed over the lines. And that's just not fair. It's your, we call it half in parenting. You're trying to be part of the family. Take the tough work call and especially through pandemic or something. They might have been some pretty heavy conversations and maybe it's not something our younger kids needed to hear. I always say first step in tech distancing is you gotta distance yourself from your family to take calls, emails, and then before you step in and take a few deep breaths, and then you go back again.

Jim Sheils (19:42): But I can tell you the day two of the pandemic, Jay, I was helping someone who was in a bad real estate way. And they were in commercial. They had a bunch of lease stores. It was heavy. And I was feeling like they're getting taken advantage of, and I was, I was passionate. I cared about this person and their deal. Well, I'm texting, I'd put the thing away. And I'm kind of talking to myself like the crazy entrepreneur I am. My little five-year-old standing in front of me. And she goes, daddy, why are you so mad at me?

Jim Sheils (20:08): I didn't even see her standing there. And so it's like, wow! Again, talking about setting the leadership tone. I said, there's a time and a place for these calls. And it's not right in the kitchen with my kids around me. So the first step of tech distancing have a time and a place. Whether if you couldn't get to your office, I don't care if it's a closet or your car, we're going to take those emails. You're going to take those calls. You're going to find a quiet place. Even though I have four loud kids to do a podcast, right? So that we can talk and we can do this. And then the second side of tech distancing, Jay, is you have to have times of being completely and totally unavailable to work, to be with the people in front of you.

Jim Sheils (20:44): If you're always snagging that text or that Facebook thread or that call or email, you'll never truly be present. You'll always be getting pulled out of things and then you'll be going, geez, we don't really seem that connected. And we've all tried that where we fake, like we're listening to our spouse or one of our children. And they notice, we think maybe they didn't notice that we didn't hear what the hell they said, but it just sets a really bad tone. So you gotta have times where you're completely and totally unavailable. Shut off. We do a shut off every day at our house, Jay 5:30 to 7:30. It is the tech fast tech distancing. There's no phone, no laptop, no TV. Everyone is just, we're not sitting there staring at each other, but all tech is off. So that way, you know, the people right in front of us. So the conversation can flow without an interruption.

Jay Conner (21:34): That is an excellent suggestion. I mean, what I do to where I'm not even tempted to, you know, respond to this, right? I can put it in another room. Where I can't see it. I can't hear it vibrate. And I love this again, principle that you're sharing and it, you were explaining it. It reminds me of a mentor that I had decades ago. And he used to tell me all the time. He said, Jay, wherever you are, be there!

Jim Sheils (22:15): I'll tell you real estate investors. We wear this badge. Like I'm always available. I gotta work this deal. Almost anything can wait two hours. Almost anything. And there is nothing more rude. We say, well, we got to provide, we've got to protect. We've got to get the deal through. I get it. I've been a real estate investor 20 years. But to jump up from the dinner table for a mundane detail is setting a really bad example for what matters most. And for, would you want your kids doing that down the road? The answer is probably no. So a little bit...

Jay Conner (22:49): Again, you're setting the example. I love it.

Jim Sheils (22:53): Exactly. It'll go down. It's tech distancing is a very powerful and simple. When people think about it, it's okay to turn off and recharge. Even as a real estate investor, you know, a one hour a day can do wonders if you're doing it during the things during, during certain hours where you're around your family, you'll start to see, wow, we're having a deeper conversation. I actually am seeing things I'm actually listening. This is incredible. But even if that phone just on, you're waiting for that "zzt-zzt", you know, in that pocket, your brain goes out the window. So practice tech distancing, Jay, it works huge. Another thing that's really important right now, especially this is good. Especially you being the private money guy, you know, non QM money went away.

Jim Sheils (23:33): You know what I mean? There's lots of stuff that's changed. I believe certain real estate is going to do phenomenal. Others are going to be challenged, but Jay, if I learned anything in 2008 and we survived 2008, we were heavily invested in California, in Florida at the time, that was not a pretty sight to go through 2008. You know, values dropped 60% wrench dropped 40% a totally different time. And I'm more excited now, obviously then I wasn't no wait, but let me tell you, Jay, there's two things people have to look for right now. This is going to be good for real estate investors. You should get support, but there's two types of support out there. There's moral support and there's technical support. Now in 2008, I would take as much moral support as I could get. You should be given some of your friends and family coming through the pandemic or a challenge, moral support, but you might not be in the position to give technical support.

Jim Sheils (24:24): And there's a big difference. I remember in '08, people were wanting to help me, you know, through the real estate things. They wanted to give me technical support and they weren't really in the position to do so. Where I'm sure Jay you've had the same thing where, you know private money. But there's sometimes you see that out there. It's almost like the Baker's trying to teach you how to cut meat. It doesn't go together. Right? If you go to the butcher to learn how to cut meat, not the Baker, go to the Baker for baking the bread, but there's always that crossover. So I always encourage people to save efficiency and effectiveness, to have more time with your family. There's two types of support out there. There's moral support take as much as you can and give as much as you can. There's technical support, technical support, Jay.

Jim Sheils (25:09): There's probably, I bet you you'd say there's probably maybe three, four people in the world. You'd feel comfortable talking on your niche and that's it. And that's what I've learned. There's only about two to three groups that I go to for overall, what's the economy going to do real estate wise. And I go to people who have a track record, people who called things for many more years than I've been even investing. And have real teams set up that show track record. And I think that's really important right now in today's day and age, you want to get the best results, like exactly what you're doing. You're giving technical support. Cause you've been there done that, but the problem is sometimes we still go for technical support to people who aren't really in the position to give it, if that makes sense.

Jay Conner (25:48): Yeah. What does giving moral support mean to you? What does giving moral support look like or sound like?

Jim Sheils (26:00): So for example, I had friends that really struggled in retail post COVID. I could give them moral support, Jay. I've never done large retail. I've never had thousands of employees. That just wasn't my thing. So there was a fringe type of technical, but for the most part of saying, Hey, I'm thinking about you, you know, hang in there, you know, there's, there's gotta be other guys going through this, find out what they're doing, but I wasn't going to be the one to stand up on the lifeguard chair and point for where they should go. Cause frankly, I didn't know. So, the advice is more to tell him, to keep going to hang in there. Call if you need anything, don't get too down on yourself. Remember self-worth and network's got nothing to do with each other. Your family is still gonna be there no matter what happens, your real friends will be there. That's that's moral support. Technical support is saying, look, here's how you renegotiate a, you know, a multi package lease. Here are the groups that are holding off on inventory control, where you could get your inventory paid down to a third of what they would have charged you. I don't know how to do that. I'm no, it has to. So I'd be, I'd be faking it and that wouldn't be right to do to them.

Jay Conner (27:15): Yeah. Yeah. I believe I agree with everything you just said. And in addition to that, sometimes the best moral support that we can give people is a sincere listening ear.

Jim Sheils (27:31): That's a lot. Sometimes you don't have to say anything, they just get it off their chest, you release it. I remember I had a lot of releasing conversations in 2008, Jay. And people just listened and that's sometimes that, it clears your head just to get it out. And that's really powerful.

Jay Conner (27:51): Dan Mewhorter is here with us live. He just come in one of the great things about Jay Conner's masterminds that we give and get moral support and technical support. Well, that's so true. And that's a great thing about masterminds. You know, the mastermind that you and I are in Jim. That's all about giving and receiving the technical support and the moral support, you know, and plus another thing that I've discovered over the years when it comes to us entrepreneurs and I'm, my experience has been this relates to men and women. There's just not the majority of the people walking around. Don't understand us, does not understand balls. So it's like, you know, like a lot of people don't understand on people that are listening to this podcast, they get it because people listening to this show have an entrepreneur spirit, or they're interested in entrepreneurial things. But now we have this thing called it's hard to turn this real estate off in between our ears. Right? And you know, people accused us of being workaholics. Well you know, it's really a challenge not to do what I did because I don't even view it as work. It's just what we do. But anyway, these are great strategies. If you have one more strategy you want to share with us or did you, or do you keep it to three?

Jim Sheils (29:26): Yeah, I do keep it to threes, but let me, let me give you a bonus one that's been really powerful for people. And this is like the cheat of cheats. You know, if, if you want a healthy shortcut, this is one of them, your spouse, your children. If you want to have a good relationship with each of them or up the odds of that. You gotta have one on one time, one on one time, this is something I learned in our retreats. Cause we would do whole family retreats and just two retreats with one parent, one child. The potency of one on one time, like a date with your spouse a day with your phone off. And just one of your children, let's say you're crazy like me and have four. It just, it puts the magnifying glass on the relationship in a positive way.

Jim Sheils (30:10): And it opens up new conversations and attention that, you know, big family gatherings won't. Like I come from an Irish Catholic family, which means I have like 7,000 cousins, you know, and that's, that's great, but those big, those big events are great, but it's the one on one time that had the biggest effect on my marriage and on the relationship with my kids. So I would say just like, you're going to schedule with your biggest investors to find your deals, schedule one on one time with your spouse and your children. And you'll be amazed the difference and the depth that you get to just by those deposits of one on one time. It works.

Jay Conner (30:48): I love it. I love it. But Jim, I can tell you what I also know, just in our visit here on the show, you've got a servant's heart. I pick up on it. And I appreciate you coming on here and sharing just fantastic information on how people to really take care of themselves, grow their relationships, nurture the relationships that they have. So let's give out your website, Jim, because I know our listeners and audience would really like to continue to connect with you.

Jim Sheils (31:21): Yeah. If you're interested in our build to rent model, you just go to JaxWealthInvestments.com And if you want a little help on the family side, making sure that your family is successful as your business grows just go visit us at 18summers.com. That's 18Summers.com

Jay Conner (31:42): That's awesome. Jim, thank you so much. I appreciate you brother.

Jim Sheils (31:46): Thank you, Jay. Good to be here.

Jay Conner (31:48): Okay, everybody there, you have another show. I'm Jay Conner, the private money authority. Everybody stay safe. You're in the midst of a COVID-19 as we come out on the other side and I'm wishing you all the best here's to taking your real estate investing business to the next level. We'll see you on the next show. Bye for now.

To listen to our Podcast, click here:

https://realestateinvestingdeals.mypodcastworld.com/10662/jim-shiels-and-18-summers-part-one

https://realestateinvestingdeals.mypodcastworld.com/10664/jim-shiels-and-18-summers-parttwo

#Jay Conner #Private Money Lender #Real Estate Business #Real Estate #Real Estate Investing #Real Estate Investor #Real Estate Profit #The Private Money Authority

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review... Gwen Rowley, “Knights of the Round Table: Gawain”

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: fantasy romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Knights of the Round Table #3 (of 3)

Summary: Loyal Sir Gawain pledges to marry a hideous crone in exchange for the answer to a riddle that will save King Arthur's life. But the loathly lady is actually the lovely Aislyn, former sorceress, in disguise, who is out to make Gawain pay for rejecting her in the past. Then Aislyn finds herself enchanted by the gallant knight.

***Full review under the cut.***

Overview: I’m currently reading a bunch of romance novels with a friend of mine as a way of getting more familiar with the genre, and I remember seeing this book recommended by another medieval enthusiast, so the two of us decided to give it a whirl. While the idea of retelling the story of Gawain and Ragnelle isn’t inherently a bad one, I felt like this book missed the mark in so many ways. There were some saving graces; the relationship between Arthur and Gawain was very well done, in my opinion. It just wasn’t enough to make up for the things that bothered me.

Trigger Warnings: violence, misogyny, rape

Writing: Rowley writes with a fairly straightforward prose style, but one that tells a lot rather than shows. It wasn’t the most irritating style I’ve encountered; it just made the book more skimmable, which I guess could be a good thing if you’re a reader who likes to get through books quickly. Some of the dialogue was humorous (by design), which made for a more light-hearted reading experience; it did feel very modern than what I would expect of medieval characters, aside from a few stray “yons” and “lemans” thrown in to make it feel more archaic. Honestly, I preferred the more modern style rather than the fake medieval-speak, since the medievalisms made the dialogue feel more wooden than natural. But overall, the I didn’t find the style unbearable - it just wasn’t interesting. The major flaw in the writing, for me, was the random insertion of characters’ memories and flashbacks. They occurred at random moments that interrupted the flow of the story - they sometimes interrupted a sentence that continued on after the memory was over! I would have preferred flashbacks be handled more deliberately, not thrown in whenever something in the plot vaguely reminded a character of something from their past.

Plot: As I mentioned above, the idea of retelling the story of Gawain and Ragnelle isn’t a bad one. I love authors who try to rework medieval tales to give women more agency and character. Unfortunately, Rowley decided to do so in a way that cut out a lot of the most interesting stuff from the original tale. We start with the end of the story, when Aislyn, disguised as a crone named Ragnelle, agrees to give Arthur the answer to his quest in exchange for Gawain’s hand in marriage. Rather than the curse being inflicted on her before the marriage, as it is in the medieval tale, the curse is inflicted after, when a character is trying to punish Aislyn for messing with Gawain (in the form of her using her crone form to torture him for a past slight). For me, this killed all the excitement and shifted the focus away from the original message of the tale (about female agency and sexual dynamics) to one about how love can overcome barriers. It would have been a good shift, but I didn’t get the sense that love was overcoming barriers by the end of the book - Gawain doesn’t seem to actually learn the lesson from the original tale, and Aislyn mostly struggles with whether or not to be obedient to Gawain. While I can understand wanting to make female characters more agentive from the beginning, I found this book’s reworking of the plot less interesting than the original medieval tale. The change in focus also made the plot drag a little bit. In the first 80 pages, all of the focus was on Gawain’s disgust at Ragnelle’s form or Aislyn’s/Ragnelle’s desire for revenge. We follow Gawain and Ragnelle as they explore married life, which isn’t as exciting as it sounds since Gawain is forever struggling with Ragnelle’s ugliness and Ragnelle/Aisling is always looking for ways to torment him. After Aislyn is formally cursed on pages 85-86, the plot has a goal, but nothing in the structure of the narrative seems to work towards that goal in a very efficient way. Events don’t seem to build on one another, so the plot didn’t feel like it had shape. There are also a few events that seem to be inserted to show conflict between Gawain and Lancelot, and some that showcase Gawain’s anguish over his past. While some of these things bring Ragnelle and Gawain closer together, the conflict with Lancelot and Gawain’s emotional pain definitely overshadowed the moments of tenderness between the characters. What I disliked the most, however, was that everyone - main characters and side characters alike - seemed to be in petty conflict with one another. There’s obvious tension between Gawain and Lancelot, and Aislyn’s inner thoughts about Guinevere and the other ladies of the court disappointed me (why can’t we have more medievaly stories in which women band together, I ask). Aside from these conflicts, everyone got on my nerves for treating Ragnelle as subhuman. While their treatment of her could have been the moral lesson of the book, it didn’t come through consistently; I did get the sense that the book was supposed to showcase how Camelot isn’t the paradise it is made out to be, but a lot of the mistreatment felt like drama or humor rather than a teaching tool. I did like, however, that Ragnelle’s purpose seemed to change so that she was at the center of a lot of conflicts between men - in this way, I think she exposed a lot of the underlying problems in a male homosocial society. However, as much as she pointed to a lot of the problems, she also perpetuated them.

Characters: I had an extremely hard time liking either Aislyn or Gawain for a large portion of this book. Aislyn, our heroine, is constantly thinking ill of other women or thinking herself better than them, except in incidents. She’s out for revenge, and while I get that being left by a man you loved is devastating, I personally find seeking revenge for that a little petty, especially when you can just use your words and clear up any misconceptions. She got better as the book progressed, standing up for other women and calling out injustice, but I still had a hard time with her, since she seemed to waver between being a strong-willed character and being a bully. Gawain, despite being one of the best knights in Arthurian lore, starts out as kind of a sexist jerk with a lot of emotional turmoil from his past. His sense of honor was admirable, and I want to make clear that I do think that aspect of him was well done, but he was so angsty that his main purpose was to be a wet blanket for most of the book. I also wasn’t wholly convinced he had changed in his ways by the end of the book. The villains of the piece weren’t even that interesting. Morgause is completely one-dimensional: a power-hungry seductress whose motives aren’t exactly clear and, based on her actions, poses next to no real threat to anyone. Somer Gromer Jour (or Launfal), Aislyn’s brother, could have been interesting if Morgause herself wasn’t so over-the-top and Launfal had more of a purpose other than to be Morgause’s victim. Lancelot and Guinevere are also turned into antagonists by the way they blatantly disrespect not only Ragnelle, but other knights of the Round Table. It was kind of a mess. But despite all that, I did like the relationship between Arthur and Gawain. They had some nice exchanges that showed how complex their dynamic was, with Arthur being both Gawain’s king and uncle. Gawain and Ragnelle also had some nice moments where they were honest with one another, and those bits were well done.

Other Romance: I honestly didn’t see much romantic chemistry between Aislyn and Gawain, perhaps because Aislyn was so antagonistic towards him for so long. Don’t get me wrong - I’m a fan of enemies-to-lovers tropes, but this novel didn’t really feel like it was really getting to the heart of the angst and pain between the characters and working on unraveling it. Instead, the conflict was easily cleared up by just talking (even if the characters didn’t act on it for a long time). Instead, their relationship felt more platonic, which wouldn’t be a problem if this book was marketed as a genre other than romance. Misogyny: I understand that a lot of authors writing about the Middle Ages will embed some sexism in their books, but I am still irritated when I see it. Rowley has Gawain start out as holding very misogynistic views, despite his medieval counterpart being one of the most courteous knights to women (and even in the book, Gawain wavers back and forth). The book also makes use of various tropes which  I dislike: Morgause is a seductress who (I think) rapes Launfal regularly, characters use words like “bitch” and “slut,” a male character views his wife as worthless for not bearing a son, etc. Poor Guinevere couldn’t catch a break since she was being portrayed as a cheating harlot the whole time, and Morgana popped in for all of 10 seconds to serve her part in the plot before moving on. Rowley also writes an episode where the Saxons blame the women for the peaceweaver system failing, which was utterly baffling to me. And Gawain still seems to hold his view that a wife should be obedient to her husband until the very last second - around page 307 of the book.

Moving on to Other Books in the Series? No.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re a romance reader or interested in Arthurian retellings.

#book reviews