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human-trash-fire · 4 years

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Beautiful Disaster: Chapter 5 (Pynch Soulmate AU)

Alrighty my loves, this chapter has been a labor of love from the beginning. As you continue reading you will see art pieces and each is correlated with a song (those will be at the end), and references yet again will be made to the EMFS playlist (Ronan’s rehab playlist- I’ve actually made it on spotify! you can find it here)

As usual you can find this story on Ao3 @ glam_reaper 2 if you’re interested <3

TW: Mention of suicide attempt, a panic attack though not super descriptive, cannon typical language.

Iv.

You,

I made a friend last week.

I know for most people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I assume by now You understand what that means for someone like me. I guess “friend” may be a generous term? I don’t know if we are there yet, Blue definitely disagrees with him “on principle.”

You see, President Cellphone as she calls him, or Richard Campbell Gansey III (I know, what a douchey fucking name) is all boat shoes and privledge and perfect teeth. Gansey isn’t someone I’d normally associate with mind you, Henry kind of met my quota for rich extroverts in the inner circle, and yet…

So, here’s the story. I’m writing my last letter right? And I was so fucking lost. I decided to walk home from Nino’s- I thought maybe it would help me settle. And there, right around the corner is this fucking ‘73 camero. It should have been beautiful, really.. A classic like that? It’s a dream to look at. Only this fucking thing is the UGLIEST color of candy orange you could ever imagine… And it’s blowing smoke all over the damn place. I was honestly going to leave boat-shoes to call his daddy or mechanic or what have you, but he looked so confused. I offered to help him out and was able to get it running long enough to get to Boyd’s.

I expected him to just drop off “The Pig” (the car) like any normal person and come back for it, only I apparently made “quite the impression.”

Gansey ended up staying with me, prattling on about his Masters History program and some welsh king the ENTIRE time I worked on the damn car. At first I was tuning him out, but without realizing it I became completely entranced by the whole story. I’ve never seen such passion for anything, and I have VERY spirited friends.

He has one of those voices you know? The kind that can stop a room, raise an army, lead a nation. The kind that demands to be heard without ever having to raise itself.

That’s Gansey though.

I think he’ll be good for me, I don’t think he’d give me much of a choice in the matter though to be honest. He kind of adopted me this week? That should bother me and yet, being around him is just… It’s being included. It’s a sense of purpose.

I think he needs it too, he doesn’t seem to talk about negative things but you can tell, he’s haunted by something. That’s what solidified it for me really. He may be a senator’s son but he’s seen some shit.

I wish you could have met him, I wonder if you would have been as intrigued by him as I find myself.

Blue is being a total idiot about him, but I’m about 82% sure it’s because she is into him. I know for sure the feeling is mutual. It took Gans approximately 15 minutes after meeting Blue to ask me for her life story, offend her beyond measure, and then haul ass out of Nino’s. It was the first time I’d seriously laughed in so long. Have you ever been second-hand embarrassed for someone? It was that.

I’m going to wrap this up now though, I need to head to Nino’s for my shift, Blue’s working so of course Gans is stopping by. He said he’s bringing one of his best friends with him, some dude named Noah. Apparently he’s pretty cool, so I’m moderately less apprehensive. He said he wished he could bring his other best friend/ his and Noah’s third roommate but the guy is staying with family for a few months or something. Idk? He doesn’t talk about the other roommate much. I honestly don’t even think he’s ever said his name. Who gives a shit though, I can barely handle one new friend, let alone a 3-pack of Ganseys. Good God… I hope Noah isn’t another Gansey…. Fuck.

Welp.

Here goes nothing.

*****

It started with a not-so-subtle idea from the esteemed Dr. Allen. “Show me what happened.” Ronan was never great with words before all this, and since… When he spoke it was usually a litany of curse words. So Dr. Allen had suggested art. In the weeks since his entombment in this fine rehabilitation center, Ronan had kind of already been doing what he was being asked to do now. Though, he didn’t mention it to Allen. He��d spent countless hours sketching his life, the whole thing, in snapshots inside that beautiful leather sketchbook Gansey had given him.

He started at the beginning, pictures of Aurora and his brothers, the Barns, his father playing guitar by the fire. He drew their family vacations, the cows he used to sneak out and sleep beside when he was a child, the feeling of winning the Tennis State Championship when he was 15. He drew the bad things too, his nightmares, his drug-trips, that old stained couch in the basement of Kavinsky’s house. He put every piece of himself, all 22 years of memories down in that book, woven together with song lyrics in the margins.

So when Dr. Allen asked him to look specifically to his addiction and create, he didn’t see a problem. He needed to return to school with a series anyways, Declan had called to inform him that strings had been pulled to allow him to finish his final semester at Georgetown, but he needed to walk in with something to show at the January exhibition. Two birds, and all that.

He settled on 7 pieces, each done in oils on canvas, each accompanied by a song. 7 moments in the life of his battle with addiction, from the beginning to now. With each stroke of his brush he felt infinesmally lighter, pouring his grief into the images before him.

It started with “The Fall.” His father’s murder in reds and greys; fracturing lines and deep shadows. He mixed his paints with tears and used his heart to drag color across the canvas. For the first time in years, Ronan allowed the memory to consume him. He’d re-lived it plenty of times in his nightmares, but this was different. His hands shook, jagged strokes of anger and confusion bleeding through. He painted the brief moment, the final moment, when his world was whole before his teenage mind finally realized what it was he was looking at. His last free breath. And he painted his screams, the cacophony of pain, endlessly mixing with sirens until his vocal chords gave out.

He drowned the canvas in un-kept promises and hung it out to dry with childhood dreams.

Then came “Chasing the Void.” It was a story told in stark lighting. High beams on a backroad, swirling smoke and broken bottles. It was white glasses and white-powder lines on shark-nosed hood. It was going 115mph, bones rattling with the beat of the bass in his sound system. Ronan painted a black tattoo, used the blood on his knuckles to tint bloodshot eyes. His brush moved with his mother’s disappointment and his brother’s anger. Whimsical lines and Gansey’s head shaking when he found Ronan passed out yet again. He painted the highs and lows when sobriety reminded him that he hated the face that stared back at him in the mirror.

Each new piece he added to the collection was brought to Dr. Allen’s office. Together they worked through each memory associated with the piece and slowly Ronan felt the weight on his chest lighten.

Gansey visited every Monday and Friday like clockwork. He kept Ronan apprised to all the goings on of Monmouth and updates on Matthew and Declan. Ronan never asked for them, but he appreciated it regardless. His current obsession though seemed to be a new friend, Adam something. He had been going on for 30 minutes now about how this man single-handedly raised the Pig from the dead. Ronan tuned out most of the conversation, but nodded at what he assumed were appropriate moments while sketching.

“Ronan, are you even paying attention?” Gansey asked, irritation only slightly evident.

“Mmm?” Ronan hummed. “For sure. Pig. Smoke. Some new guy.”

“Essentially. I was saying that Noah and I are heading to his second job, the man works 2 jobs and is getting a masters can you believe it? Anyways Nino’s, so Noah can finally meet him and Blue. Have I mentioned her yet?”

Blue? He thought. Who the fuck names their kid Blue. “Once or twice.”

“Well they both work this afternoon, so I assume we’ll just hang there until they get off. Then maybe grab a bite. I wish you could come, I’m sure you’d get along nicely with Adam.” Gansey said, choosing to ignore the previous sarcasm and barrell on. Excelsior.

“Doubt it.” Guy sounds like a douche.

“On that note, thank you for another lovely visit. I’ll see you Monday, Ronan.” Gansey gathered his coat and made his way to the door with a final wave.

Ronan waved back with a single finger and a saccharine “Bye, Dick.” Then shoved his Airpods back into his ears and lost himself in the EMFS playlist.

*****

As Adam gathered the tub of dirty dishes from above the trash and made his way back to wash them, he was lost in thought. These last two weeks, recent events, had been so much and yet he strangely was beginning to feel some semblance of peace. He knew that Blue had wanted him to write letters to help him cope. If he was admitting to it helping, he also needed to be honest with himself in noting that it may have been hurting just as much. He was falling in love with a ghost. A figment of his imagination that he could tell his every secret too, someone who listened without judgment; Someone who never asked more of him than he could handle. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t what Blue had intended, of that he was sure. But, if it brought him peace and allowed him to sleep without seeing cold, dead eyes, then what was the harm?

He rinsed the mugs and plates loading them efficiently into the dishwasher, and dried his hands. As he moved to toss the towel into the bin, he heard the bell chime above the cafe door. He made his way slowly to the front, knowing that Blue was currently handling the register meant that he didn’t need to rush. On his way down the hallway he stopped to straighten a missing cat flier on the community bulletin board, taking a moment to snap a picture of the cat in question so he could be on the lookout, then continued toward the front; eyes glued to his phone.

He rounded the corner towards the coffee bar to the tune of laughter, it seemed Gansey had arrived. His eyes found Blue first. For all her insistance that she loathed the man in question, she was positively glowing, head tossed back in a hearty laugh. Lost in the bubble of charm Gansey operated in.

“-And so I asked him, mind you I’ve had a lot to drink at this point, ‘Hey senator, why do you fucking hate poor peo-‘ Oh! Adam” Ganseys story of embarrassing his mother at one of her Republican fundraisers interrupted, as he caught sight of Adam sliding behind the bar.

“Hey Gans,” He smiled.

“My apologies, this is Noah.” Gansey stepped to the side to reveal the man in question, and Adam’s breath stopped.

There, eyes blue and wide with shock, mouth agape stood the man from the alley. The one whose scream still haunted Adam in the dark, solitary hours of sleep. The one that began his every nightmare of that night.

He was different now, tears weren’t pouring from his eyes to dance across the plains of his smudgey face. His blonde hair free of blood was slightly tousled, and his clothes were clean, albeit a little disheveled.

“No,” the word was a broken noise, barely a word at all, closer to a sob. Gansey and Blue looked frantically between the two for what seemed like an eternity before Noah spoke.

“It’s you…”

“Who? Noah, you know Adam?” Gansey’s voice was quietly confused.

Adam began to shake his head slowly, increasing with speed as his breath finally returned to him; Erratic and wild. Crocodile tears blurred his vision, and he finally croaked a simple question, “What… What was his name?”

“Ronan.”

“Oh, god” Blue breathed.

Adam ran, desperately fleeing the scene and chorus of his name called from the front. Ronan, his name was Ronan. Adam couldn’t breathe. His pain fresh, an un-mendable wound reopened now that he had a name to grieve. He paused, only long enough to grab his messenger bag from the back, and took the alley door.

Then he ran, faster than he’d ever remembered running. Tears turning the colors of the world around him to a haunting watercolor. His breath came in painful stabs, each beat of his bleeding heart an excruciating truth.

He somehow made it back to his apartment. The moment the door closed behind him he fell against it and slid to the floor. Ronan Ronan Ronan-

“R-Ronan.” He spoke the name the first time aloud, the feeling of its weight on his tongue was an answer to a question he’d been asking for a month. For a lifetime.

Adam didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, grief taking time and twisting it in on itself. An amalgam of pain, hopelessness, and questions. Gansey, Gansey knew Ronan, knew Noah. Noah the boy he’d last seen carted away in the back of an ambulance covered in red red red. Noah, who’d screamed for help like the world was shattering. Noah, who’d clung tightly to the shredded arms of a bleeding man in a dark alley.

Help me, his mind screamed, his internal voice morphing into Noah’s from that night.

Help me, I’m not okay…

A key twisting in the lock above his head brought his attention to the present. Adam pushed away from the door, and waited as Blue made her way into his dark apartment. Night had fallen sometime since he’d been here, on the floor, lost in the alley. Lost in a name.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Th-that was-”

“I know. Noah told us after you left. Adam, there’s… Adam. I need to tell you something.”

It was a concentrated effort to drag his gaze from the space between their bodies on the floor to meet her eyes. Lights from the street poured through the window in the living room, painting Blue’s honey warm skin in a haunting glow. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, so he waited. He watched. She brought a trembling hand to his, her brown eyes lined with silver, she squeezed.

“Adam, he’s alive.”

A sob born of heartbreak and pain tore from his chest, he couldn’t form words. He broke then, completely and wholly. Blue came to cradle his head against her chest as he cried. Every hope he’d killed since the alley came barreling to the surface; All the pain and confusion, love and questions, beating like waves against the shores of his mind. Some minutes later he finally raised his head and met Blue’s eyes, her smile was wet and broken. He dragged his hand under his nose, across his eyes, and finally found the word to the question he needed to ask. “How?”

So Blue told him. Apparently, him finding Noah and Ronan in that alley, the tourniquet he’d made of his scarf, that extra minute he’d bought him had been enough. The doctors were able to stitch his wounds, and though it had been a close call, he’d pulled through. She explained that he’d had a hard life, though Gansey wouldn’t give details because he insisted those were Ronan’s to share when he was ready. He did however give her basic facts. Ronan Niall Lynch is an artist, a senior at Georgetown. He’s an orphan, and a brother. He’s an addict in recovery at a facility in Arlington, and Gansey’s third roommate.

Blue explained that, when Adam was ready Gansey and Noah wanted to meet with him, to talk more. She offered to accompany him when that time came, but they all agreed they wouldn’t push him until he was ready. “Thank you,” he’d said to Blue. For getting the information. For telling him. For allowing him space. She understood that his history made this difficult, an addict for a soulmate was something he would need time to process. She eventually asked if he wanted to be alone and when he’d told her “yes” she kissed his forehead, and made her way to the door.

“Adam,” she paused, and he looked up. “We’ll wait on your text okay? Whenever you’re ready. But please check in so I know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

With a perfunctory nod she slid back out the door.

Adam spent another minute in silence before dragging himself from the floor. He made his way in a daze to his desk and he collapsed into his chair. Slowly, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper.

His hand shook.

He took a deep breath.

He wrote.

Ronan,

You’re alive…

**********************

Art Pieces and their correlating songs (linked):

“The Fall” The War- SYML

“Chase The Void” For What It’s Worth- Malia J

#bd au #pynch #pynch fic #Adam Parrish #ronan lynch #ronan x adam #blue sargent #gansey #richard campbell gansey iii #gangsey #soulmate au

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characteroulette · 6 years

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Also, as an added bonus, I wrote an actual scene for the "We Didn’t Need You" AU that I had fun with (because Jonathan), so here’s that, too

Dante knew even in childhood that he was meant to be alone. Whenever he tried to get his classmates to play with him, they were never interested in giants made of melting clay or trickster pixies who trapped the unsuspecting travellers in eternal dances. They wanted to play things like 'house', or re-enact bible stories, or play made up silly hero stories in which the monsters were always defeated and the heroes came out on top.

They didn't seem to understand that the monsters could have complexity to them, that they weren't just evil beings. And Dante never understood the appeal of pretending to be a family. (They could have their robot cats and pet dragons, but the fact that the Mama and Papa were so kind and loving with their babies just seemed like such a lie.)

He had a Mama and a Papa. He had a sibling sometimes. But, at the end of the day, Dante was always alone.

At some point, he just started preferring it that way.

Of all the new first years that came to their school that year, it was the frightened blond boy who caught Jonathan's interest. The kid got a single room, always ate alone at his own table, and seemed to be avoiding everyone else. An air of loneliness hung about the boy, yet it was a contented sort of loneliness. At least, if Jonathan was reading it right.

Honestly, despite never even interacting with this other boy, Jonathan felt a kinship with him.

Maybe that's what possessed him to sit down at the same table one day for lunch, completely unprompted.

The disturbance made the boy look up at Jonathan. A mixture of confusion and fear was in his eyes, which Jonathan now noted were red. Just as Niculaie and Damon's eyes were. After the initial surprise (and attempting to figure out what exactly he was supposed to do now that he'd made this impulsive decision), Jonathan held up a hand in greeting. "Hey."

The other boy nodded slowly in return. "Um. Hi."

His voice was quiet, unsure. Which was fair. Jonathan had invaded the other kid's space. Jonathan offered up a smile, shoving his hands into his lab coats' pockets. "I'm Jonathan. Nice to meet ya. Mind if I sit here for today?"

"Uh." The other boy bowed his head, staring resolutely at his tray of food. "I guess. I can't stop you. If you really want to." The more he spoke, the quieter he petered out by the end. And, perhaps because Jonathan was very aware of his own accent, he could hear the slightest bit of accent in the other boy's voice. "I'm, uh. Dante Vicario."

"Vicario." Jonathan sounded the name out shortly. It sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. Perhaps he'd run it by Damon, that pompous rich boy knew the whole school. For better or worse. Jonathan half-smiled and turned back towards Vicario. "What electives you taking? Let me guess -- one of 'em's Study Hall, right?"

Vicario kept his head down, his expression mostly out of view. Jonathan waited a moment for Vicario to reply, realised he wasn't going to get one, then went about eating his own lunch. He'd sat there, it was up to him to make conversation. But it was also polite to give space when appropriate. And it didn't seem like Vicario was very keen on the whole talking thing.

Maybe Jonathan could try again during dinner. Or maybe even after hours. Vicario had that single room and all.

But no, no. That wasn't Jonathan, that wasn't how a nice, straight boy would make friends. And Jonathan was a normal, straight boy.

"Sitting here today, huh?"

Frank suddenly dropped his tray on the place beside Jonathan's, grinning mischievously as Vicario jumped at the sudden noise. Jonathan frowned in amusement at Frank. "Thought I'd get to know Vicario a bit. How about you?"

"Oh, you know." Frank sat down, cheery as usual. Despite Jonathan knowing exactly what Frank meant. Still, graceful as ever, Frank moved on by looking next at Vicario. "So. Would you rather fight a bear or a bunch of bees?"

Jonathan snorted, barely holding back his laughter. Another perfect opener from the genius kid himself. God, Jonathan was so glad Frank was able to be his roommate. Even if it meant he was reminded of William more than he'd like. Well, whatever. That ship had sailed. Now Jonathan just had to keep his head about him, to last until the end of the year. Then he'd be off to college and, hopefully, things would make more sense by that point.

Vicario dared to glance up at Frank, that mix of fear and confusion still in his eyes. They stared at each other a moment. At first, Jonathan wasn't sure which of them would speak first, if at all. Then Frank grinned brightly. "All right, easier question. What would your most essential item be if the world ended right now?"

Vicario perked up for just a second, an answer ready in his mind. But he paused, stopping himself. An awkward minute passed, in which Frank's smile fell and Vicario looked to be fighting with himself on something. Then, in a surprisingly swift motion, Vicario stood, grabbing his tray, and hurried off. Both Jonathan and Frank watched Vicario dump the whole tray in the trash, then leave the cafeteria completely. Jonathan wasn't sure Vicario had even touched any of it.

"Huh." Frank sunk back in his seat, looking as perplexed as Jonathan felt. "I didn't expect he'd run."

Jonathan hummed vaguely in reply. It may have been an impulsive decision, but this was turning out to be more intriguing than he'd expected.

Frank shrugged, then grinned up at Jonathan. "You gonna answer my question at least?"

Jonathan smirked, placing his hand heavily on top of Frank's head. Just enough to push Frank forward in his seat a little. "Hah, but you all ready know my answer."

"It could've changed, unlike your attitude."

Frank half-whined, half-laughed. The kid was such a good sport. As such, Jonathan relented, removing his hand and allowing Frank to sit upright again. "It's still my chem. set." As he answered, Jonathan leaned back in his seat enough to cross one leg over the other, staring off towards the exit to the cafeteria. "The chemicals come in handy. Never know when you'd need explosives or some medical supplies."

"Logical as ever, sir chemist." Frank attempted a posh, serious tone, but ended up giggling. Jonathan smiled along. Frank petered out, then gave a long, dramatic sigh. "I gotta go now, I only came over to talk for a bit."

Jonathan raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "Got plans?"

"Yeah, that Philips girl agreed to help me with some of my English stuff." Frank grinned as he stood and grabbed his tray, giddy as ever. After a moment, however, that giddiness turned into sheepishness. "I mean. Not that I don't think you'd be able to help me with that, too, just."

Jonathan shook his head in what he hoped was an encouraging, understanding sentiment. "Go make friends."

A bright child like Frank couldn't be bound to just his focused brother and someone as dour as Jonathan, lord knew. Frank seemed reassured, thankfully, perking right back up and grinning with confidence. "Thanks. See ya later, Jonathan."

They waved to one another in parting as Frank dashed off to sit with miss Paige Philips and her gang. Jonathan contented himself a minute with watching them all interact with one another, talking and laughing animatedly. They had the Wolf, his band mates, and van Helsing IV with them. Frank and the Fourth must've been new additions, as Jonathan didn't remember them being there last month. Or even last year for the Fourth. Damon was probably keeping closer tabs on them, being so hung up on that Philips girl.

Honestly, though. She wasn't that special, really. Her blonde hair might've been the only real stand out thing, as she insisted it was natural, but in every other respect she was normal. She had a lot of fight, she didn't take any bullshit, and besides that. Couldn't Damon tell she wasn't interested? Niculaie at the very least had to have mentioned it to Damon. Even Natasha or Aglaé had to have said something by this point. It'd been a whole year!

Speaking of, Niculaie, Damon, Natasha, and Aglaé (with Diane, Charon, and Gaëlle) all grouped over, sitting around Jonathan's table with their trays of lunch. Natasha gave a cheery greeting while Charon immediately engaged Diane and Gaëlle in a discussion that seemed like a continuation of an earlier topic. Aglaé, of course, had his nose buried in a book. Niculaie, oddly, smiled very gently at Jonathan. "You tend to smile so much more whenever you're speaking with Ernest."

Damon near cackled. "Kid should realise what a rare treat that is."

Jonathan levelled them both with his best uninterested expression, hoping to god his embarrassment wouldn't show through. "Whatever, Kingpin."

Damon really laughed at that while Niculaie frowned. How the two of them ever became friends and stayed that way, Jonathan would never understand. Even though, on the inside, he knew exactly how easily Damon could work his charms on someone. That show-off had been born lucky, a trait Jonathan certainly didn't share. But the jerk did make use of it to help out Niculaie when it mattered, so maybe Jonathan could ease up. Just a little.

An earlier thought came back to him and he decided in favour of pursuing it. "Hey, Asheford, humour me a moment. Why's the name 'Vicario' ring a bell?"

For a brief second, Damon's eyes went wide. Like he'd been caught off-guard. Even Niculaie's expression turned to shock in that moment and he turned to Damon in concern. Before Niculaie had a chance to say something, however, Damon recovered and smoothed himself out with a smirk. "Had a run-in with the Fireball, eh?"

"Is, um." Niculaie paused, a little too excited, and continued with much more calm. "How was he doing? Did you get to talk to him long?"

Jonathan, a little taken aback, frowned at them. "No, he. He barely told me his name before he bolted. Am I missing something here?"

"Dante Vicario is the son of Lietta and Caro Vicario." Aglaé, surprisingly, spoke up, drawing their attention. Aglaé didn't even look up from his book, turning a page idly as he continued. "The Vicario family are the founders and owners of the world's leading company in computer science research and development."

Damon sat back, satisfied. "Exactly."

Jonathan grimaced, a little in frustration and a lot in annoyance. "And how again does this relate to me knowing the name?"

"The Vicarios have been my family's clients for years." Damon waved a hand dismissively, his other arm crossed over his chest. "Maybe you heard your mom mention them or saw the name on one of her court documents."

Jonathan might've relented, might've agreed at that, but Niculaie's entire posture drooped in almost a guilty way and no, Jonathan wasn't about to buy that easy an explanation. There had to be a little more than just that. For the moment, though, he settled for nodding along and dropping it. Damon quickly moved the topic along to what they should do about the computers in the towers and Jonathan tuned him out, opting to watch the rest of the cafeteria.

Vicario never returned. Maybe that was a good thing.

#Momo writes stuff #Game Kids need their own tag #Dante #Jonathan #Frank #Damon #Niculaie #Aglaé #au: we didn't need you #I might as well tag that #Jonathan was a fun write holy shit #I wish I got to write him more for the main story

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alicedoessurveys · 6 years

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loooooong survey

Childhood

Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?: real. I spent most summers/half terms with my cousins and my neighbour’s grandkids. Did people consider you an odd child?: not odd, just shy Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?: nope Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?: not really nope

Were they intricate or simple thoughts?: probably simple but I can't remember

If you answered “intricate”, give an example of one of those thoughts: n/a

Were you dreams very vivid as a child?: yes, still do. I also used to get really bad night terrors a lot as a kid What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?: can't think of anything strange.. Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?: I drew a lot, but I was no prodigy What was the most “grown-up” thing you ever said as a child?: I have no idea What were your favourite TV shows in early childhood?: I grew up on Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats, Tracy Beaker Were you afraid of monsters?: yes, especially zombies Did you believe that fictional characters were real?: yes Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical? quiet and artistic Issues and stuff Do you eat meat?: yup, but only beef, chicken and bacon/sausage If you do, what is your justification for it?: I dont feel I need to justify it, just like I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to justify why they dont eat meat. each to their own. If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?: I dont live in the US, I dont really know their laws and I dont really care Do you believe in the death penalty?: nope Did Mumia do it?: do what..? If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?: I like that im English, I just wish I was born in a different part of England cause Birmingham is a shit hole What are your opinions of Michael Moore?: I dont know who that is Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization: I think it should be for those who need it for medical stuff Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right?: nope What television news coverage do you detest the most?: all of it, I dont watch the news What will you do if Bush is re-elected? Im British, I dont care Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?: idk Who do you consider “American Heros”? I feel like these questions are very aimed at Americans Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? yes Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? Reason?: not yell, but talk to the telly yeah. and not even just while im alone. Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently: I cant remember the last time I bought something off eBay Are the Muppetes sinister? Think about it.: nope... o.O Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?: no ive never watched it Ever gotten into an “in person” argument with a total stranger? Discuss: yup. basically I was at this event thing where they had boats and pretty floating lights and shit on a river. we had waited all day to see them and when they were finally coming past we couldn't see them because it was so crowded and there was a “security guy” stood in the way. There was kids infront of me who kept saying they couldn't see because of him so I yelled “MOVE” and he turned around and started arguing with me. Long story short, he eventually moved out the way and found a space where he wasn't blocking anyones view and the people around me thanked me. I felt so awkward after cause im not a confrontational person at all but I was so tired & irritated that I just snapped. Sugar or Honey?: Sugar What’s on your desk right now?: im not sat at my desk atm How many e-mails do you recieve a day?: about 20 Do you think that time travel is a possibility?: no Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?: not addicted, I just enjoy doing them to pass time San Francisco or New York City?: ive never been to either, but I would like to go to New York What are your favorite color combinations?: grey and light blush pink looks nice Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: I cant because im listening to hairspray so thats all I can see right now Do you enjoy night or day better?: depends what im doing Favorite animal: Dogs Have you ever been to a protest?: Nope, but ive ended up in the same place as a protest was taking place and it was horrible Aggravated a cop on purpose?: No Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails?: Nope If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be?: I’m fine with this one Ever put your hand through a window?: no List a few words you hate the sound of: the c word And a few you like the sound of: idk Are you sick of this survey yet? not really Emotions And Such Have you attempted suicide more than once?: No Cutting?: Yes Do you get violent when you are angry?: Not with people, just with myself or just like throw stuff on the floor like a brat Which emotion are you most consumed by?: fear Are you highly emotive?: Yes Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?: keep them to myself, and if I do discuss them I downplay or make jokes Do you fall in love easily?: not in love, but I do fall for people too easy What age/year was the most difficult for you?: around ages 19-now How do you channel your anger/sadness?: shut myself away and cry Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs?: No

Ever been homeless?: No List a few simple things that make you happy: playing sims, Tumblr, theatre When were you most recently your happiest?: hanging out with nick and Addison the other day Do you consider yourself empathetic?: yes Friends Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?: my main group of friends is only like 3 people and they have their differences but not drastic differences List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common: my friends are all into gaming, watching films & eating Do you keep in touch with friends from high school?: yes, two of my best friends are from school Have you lost touch with many of your friends?: almost everyone I become friends with end up losing touch in the end but ive been friends with Addison for 10 years and Rhys for 20 years Are they mostly local or long distance?: local When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do?: usually go to the arcade, cinema and get food Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?: yes If yes, are you still friends with that person?: no Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?: rhys & Addison are 23, nick is 25, I am 22

Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you?: no, I have a hard time making friends because im socially awkward Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups?: groups, it takes the pressure off in conversations Which of you online friends do you have the most in common with?: I dont have any online friends Family Are you close to your family?: yes What traits are you glad you inherited from them?: faithfulness & a good sense of humour What sitcom does your family most remind you of?: I cant think of anything other than that me and my mom are a lot like Miranda and her mom from the sitcom ‘Miranda’ Does your family live locally or far away?: local Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?: yes Have either of your parents died?: no, thank god Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?: a lot like me How many siblings do you have?: one older sister Has your family ever thrown food at each other?: yes, every christmas season we throw chocolates at each other from the Quality Street or Roses tins Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?: I love Christmas Day and I normally love christmas shopping but this year I found it all very stressful because I was so busy at the theatre and I had no money to buy gifts Do you look like your parents?: ive been told I do List one interesting fact about your family: apparently my dads side of the family is descended from royalty Lovers Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?: Straight Married/partnered?: Single Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with?: no Ever broken someones heart?: someone I “dated” in infant school told me when we reunited in senior school that I broke his heart. but I didn't actually do anything so I dont know where he got that from How many serious relationships have you had?: none Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn’t have?: not obsessively lusted, but I have fancied guys that I knew nothing could ever happen. Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?: yes Ever cheated?: No Been cheated on?: No Thrown someones stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Most important emotional qualities of a lover?: someone who makes me feel happy and can make me smile, makes me feel comfortable, is caring, trustworthy, honest, affectionate Most important physical qualities?: I dont think physical qualities are super important but I do fall for peoples eyes & smile Food & Drink Non-alcoholic beverage of choice: cherry coke or caramel hot chocolate Alcoholic beverage of choice: cider Foods you crave on a regular basis: chocolate

Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus?: neither Meat or Tofu?: Meat Soup or Salad?: soup Soda or Juice?: Soda Can I get you anything else?: You didn't get me anything..? :’) Favorite candy:: chocolate in general Favorite food to make: lasagne

Food brand that you hate?: idk Do you try to buy all organic?: nope Favorite fast food?: mcdonalds Final Questions Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?: yes

Ever yelled at an SUV?: nope A Hummer?: Nope Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere?: yes If you could turn back time and change one thing, what would it be?: stay in college Bambi or Nemo?: Nemo List 3 things that are worrying you right now: 1, money. 2, a meeting I have to go to next week that im absolutely dreading. 3, I have this constant annoying anxiety that tells me my friends dont actually like me and that I get on everyones nerves. Do you think you’ll ever have children if you don’t already?: not my own now, but I hope to adopt Do you think there is life on other planets?: no Have you ever broken a leg or arm?: nope Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside: depends on my mood David Letterman or Jay Leno?: I dont know who they are Last words?: Bye

#survey #long

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tiefighters · 7 years

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ILM Shares ‘Star Wars Stories’ at Gnomon

ILM’S Paul Giacoppo, Charmaine Chan, and Jay Machado discuss their career paths, making Rogue One, and much more.

From the opening shot until those final moments before the Tantive IV takes off into hyperspace, Rogue One’s visual storytelling takes center-stage in a big way. The credits run long for a reason, and that’s because hundreds of people at Industrial Light & Magic worked tirelessly to bring every major visual to life in a way that felt both “classic” and new at the same time. Last month at Gnomon University in Los Angeles, three of those visionaries brought their work to an audience of eager visual effects students in a special presentation called Star Wars Stories: An Evening with ILM. ILM’s Paul Giacoppo, Charmaine Chan, and Jay Machado brought decades’ worth of experience to their discussion.

Machado was on the modeling team for The Force Awakens’ Millennium Falcon, and created the award-winning Imperial Star Destroyer that we see rise from the shadows in Rogue One. Charmaine Chan spoke of her history at ILM, illustrating how careers grow and change on the company’s campus. Giacoppo is behind some extremely recognizable work that reaches back decades over the history of Lucasfilm and ILM; the crowd was hooked when he showed off his visually memorable “Hulk Smash” shot from Marvel’s Avengers.

But while their extensive careers could take up an entire editorial on their own, the focus of the evening was visual storytelling, and how ILM created Rogue One. Giacoppo outlined the overall objective of what the team wanted fans to see and understand: “The idea behind our work on Rogue One was that it had to have the visual feel of the classic 1977 Star Wars, but have a new vision as well.”

When it came to seeking out inspiration, the team had to look further than the usual standards. They began with concepts by Ralph McQuarrie, Joe Johnson, and several others that defined the look of Star Wars. These angular, expansive, and recognizable styles still reflect throughout Rogue One, but the team looked at what they could do differently as well, because the story in itself was different from the norm. “[McQuarrie and Johnson’s concepts] were part of what the visual language of Rogue One was,” said Giacoppo. “But it was a different kind of movie. It was a true war movie, about people with a mission to complete. So it’s not exactly a ‘hero’s journey,’ and we had to change what we were doing in order to tell this different kind of story.”

Giacoppo dove into set design, then, showing off digital recreations of classic sets that were created by John Knoll, ILM’s chief creative officer and a staple of Star Wars creativity. Knoll, attempting to explain how characters would move through various scenes, created digital set tours practically overnight in order to explain his vision.

Giacoppo then dove into characters that were created digitally for the film, focusing first and foremost on K-2SO, who he says has been part of the Rogue One story since its original pitch. K-2SO varied greatly from past on-screen droid companions, who were so often cute, or at least a little more friendly-looking. “He’s intimidating, he’s really stealthy, and he’s huge… and he was always an Imperial enforcer droid.

“There was a lot of time spent with the texture artists to get those same materials and weathering we’re used to in Star Wars,” Giacoppo explained, noting the details that showed Kaytoo’s age and length of use.

The team took designing Kaytoo very seriously, spending hours on specific details about how he would emote. The team looked at more eyes than one can count on two hands, then went through tests of how they would move — if at all — and how Kaytoo looked when expressing himself. “There was a big push to have a part of him blink, and to have a part of him move his mouth,” said Giacoppo, noting that such a thing is a rarity among Star Wars droids, who often reflect a much more industrial feel in design than most AI-driven beings within the genre. “But it just didn’t feel like Star Wars. See, he’s all blinking and jittering around… there’s too much going on.” With animation supervisor Hal Hickel’s guidance, the team ultimately went with “this sort of more impassive mask”, said Giacoppo, allowing fans to read and “project” emotions onto Kaytoo as they got to know him.

As a special bonus, Giacoppo showed a tiny clip of K-2SO playing with toys that paired with some very familiar audio from Alan Tudyk’s Wash in Firefly (“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!).

ILM’s Jay Machado, a hard-surface modeler and texture artist, was a welcome and familiar face that evening. As a Gnomon alum himself, Machado’s post-grad years have been more than exciting. For Rogue One, following his Millenium Falcon re-creation, Machado was tasked with creating iconic ship-looks once again. To set the tone for the talk, Machado showed off that iconic opening shot from A New Hope, where the belly of the Star Destroyer sails over the camera in pursuit of Princess Leia’s Tantive IV. “We wanted it to feel like the exact same era,” said Machado. So, his team at ILM went to the root of all builds to recreate and design ships in Rogue One. “For the ships, we went up to the archives, we took lots of photos, we scanned things, stuff like that — all to get the ships to be just right,” Machado told the crowd. “There’s a few people still working at ILM that we were able to talk to, like [long-time ILM VFX artist and supervisor] Dennis Muren, who [shot] much of this originally, and that really helped when it came to making it accurate.

“What I was surprised by is that the original Star Destroyer is only three feet long…a lot of the panel lines are drawn in with pencil. And we wanted to match that so that in a way, you could watch Rogue One and seamlessly start A New Hope.”

As far as new ships went, Machado noted that the tasks were just as difficult, but worth every grueling second. “Working with Doug Chiang and the art department, we had to design [the new ships] in a way that felt familiar so that they would blend in seamlessly with the ships we know and love.” Machado highlighted the U-wing, Krennic’s ship, and the new TIE strikers, stating that they were kind of meant to “compliment” the U-wing, with forward-sweeping panels and a unique, planet-specific use.

What may have been most exciting was the creation of new ships to the canon, like the Ghost from Star Wars Rebels, which featured on screen twice in Rogue One. “It fell to me to actually [build the Ghost] and it was kind of a secret project,” said Machado. “Well, at first it was a secret. Nobody else was supposed to know about it. I was supposed to do this quickly, and I had to design it in between my daily work so that people within the office wouldn’t start getting suspicious,” he joked. There are panels and pieces that might look familiar, too — parts of the Ghost might look similar to the Falcon, and that’s no mistake.

One other major ship from Rebels that ended up in Rogue One came all the way from the Knights of the Old Republic games, originally. Hammerhead cruisers, which Princess Leia worked with Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger to steal for the Rebellion in Star Wars Rebels, played an integral part in Rogue One, and Machado was among those responsible for their finished designs on the big screen.

Charmaine Chan’s presentation focused more on the process of growing her career before and after ILM. As an up-and-coming artist who veered off the trail that her parents originally wanted (worry not — they were ultimately supportive either way), Chan hit the ground running by creating work early and producing it every day. Since joining ILM, Chan has worked on more movies than one can count — a once-over of her IMDB page shows credits for Transformers, Captain America: Civil War, Jurassic World, and more. But her beginnings were in Web development.

According to Chan, she learned HTML, CSS+, and more “so that I could build Spice Girls websites” as a little girl. As that hobby grew, Chan broke into graphic design, then Flash animation. (As someone who started her career building Star Wars and N*SYNC fansites, this writer can relate.) “That’s what really started all of this, because I started watching movies closer and learning what it took to compose a full shot. There’s lightning, texture, and all sorts of details to consider, which I found really interesting…it really helped me move into this form of art.” Chan took those skills to the next level, learning visual effects, making motion graphics (“You know, like, DVD menus!” she joked) and eventually applying for a digital research position at ILM. “That gave me a really great overview of what the VFX process is,” said Chan. “I got to touch the shots at the beginning and the end.” From there, she kept working her way into a position at ILM that has grown and spanned over a decade, leading to her work as a compositor today.

The night was a wonderfully informative look at how the story of Rogue One was brought to to the big screen with stunning, modern, yet familiar visuals. One of the biggest surprises for this writer was learning about the sheer scale of people working on each Star Wars film. Hundreds of names scroll down through the credits after every film, but there’s just something unique and different about putting faces to those names and realizing just how many people it takes to make our favorite galaxy far, far away come to life.

#Gnomon #star wars #ilm #events #news #Charmaine Chan #Jay Machado #Paul Giacoppo #lucasfilm #filmmaking

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reesebird · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://reesebird.com/2019/05/30/ive-been-trying-to-write-this-post-for-an-hour/

I've been trying to write this post for an hour.

I’ve been trying to sum up my family problems but there’s too much to write. Even when I try to keep it short I can’t. There’s just so much shit that it’s infuriating. Here’s some bullet points about shit that’s just completely pissing me off. It’s in no particular order than that of which it came into my brain. Enjoy.

* My sister is a narcissist that has adult tantrums to get what she wants * My sister has a huge victim complex and plays the victim to manipulate our parents * My mum believes her bs and has been rationalising her tantrums for over 10 years, always referring to some external factor that is “giving her a hard time at the moment”. * My dad would say nasty things about my mum in private and expect me to agree with him * My dad would put me down and pick on me, with my sister, using things I was sensitive about (I got picked on at school for being skinny as a kid and my dad and her picked on me for that too – HE GOT BULLIED FOR THAT TOO AS A KID) * My dad would compete with me in some of the weirdest ways, for example he bought me a nice gaming computer for christmas once, then bought himself one that was twice as powerful saying it’s for “work” lol. He was also a gamer tho * My dad saw me as an extension of his legacy, when he was a programmer he kept trying to force me to become one, then as an electrician he was telling me how he wants to “take over the family business” (btw he ended up going bankrupt cos he’s a horrible businessman lol) * My dad told my mum we were going through “hard times” and he didn’t have much money, could she please take out debt on her credit cards. She maxed her credit cards, he put money away in a separate account ,then left her * My sister has two personalities, one with her immediate family where she’s a complete bitch and we have to walk on eggshells around her, and if an outsider is around she will immediately flip to being a nice, bubbly girl who’s always laughing and smiling. Oh and btw comparing herself to me, to “subtly” (or she thinks) tell everyone how much better she is lol. I mean yeah she’s pretty talented and nobody denies that, she’s very artistic unlike myself, but I guess also insecure about it. * I have to walk on eggshells around my sister, put up with her constant bs and putting me down (when I broke the news I split up with a gf I was in love with, she immediately began to laugh at me, in front of my mum who said nothing btw, and put me down for it telling me I’ll die alone. Haha good one sis) * If I refuse to put up with this level of crap, my sister gets into a mood where she won’t talk to me and overreacts. She’s getting married btw, and I shouted at her, once, when she was being an irritating bitch, putting me down constantly, right after our grandmother died and I was a bit on edge, so she cut communication with me and uninvited me from her wedding. She’s the real victim here, folks, and she must play the part. * My mum will beg me to “just get along with my sister” (see: put up with her constant crap, and her attempts to find dirt to embarrass me in front of family members while simultaneously propping herself up as some sort of wonder-woman). The last time we “fell out” I refused and my mum starts crying, after years of this nonsense I tell her enough is enough but no, my mum and my sister are the victims and I’m a cold hearted bastard * My mum keeps saying some strange shit to me lately. I’ve never shared a lot with my mum, but she’s always tried to pry, however it’s going beyond that. Lately she asked how an “ex” ( a girl I dated for 1 month when I was 15) was doing. I said she ended up getting pregnant at like 17 and having a kid. My mum says “that could have been you”. I told her “wtf of course not”. “You never know, son. Imagine that was you”… huh? Really uncomfortable situation * My mum constantly complains about her dad. How he’s always outside doing random “jobs” that don’t need doing. How he’s not doing the “jobs” that do need doing. How he doesn’t do anything she asks him to do right there and then. How he’s only watching crap on TV. How now he’s not watching anything on TV anymore, just sitting there doing nothing. How he’s so malodramatic in pretending that his leg is hurting (a car fell onto his leg like 40 years ago, he had some surgery to reconstruct his knee but he’s always had pain and problems) or how he’s playing on his vertigo. How he keeps “hoarding” stuff like old wood (which he ends up using btw to re-use to build fences and so on) in a shed outside that she herself NEVER goes in. She’ll go in like once every 2 months then get mad that it’s messy and tell him to throw it out * I have to put up with an uncle who won’t have a normal conversation with me, only talk to me sarcastically, for the sake of my mum. When he comes over I don’t go to the living room to sit with everyone and hang out with him, but according to her I should, because the poor guy just doesn’t know what to say, and he’s just trying to bond with me or something * I have an aunty that I get along with but my mum despises. This aunty said one “mean” thing to my sister once about 8 years ago now and my mum is still mad about it. Being the reasonable person that she is, my mum let’s me maintain a relationship with her but constantly guilt trip me by telling me how mean she was to my sister one time and how she’s a bad person * My mum’s sister in law texts her a lot, usually random crap and my mum gets annoyed and proclaims how she has decided to ignore her messages and only reply every 3 hours or so. Eventually, she stops replying altogether, my aunty then stops texting her, and my mum gets mad that my aunty is “in a mood” and no longer texting. Typical Marie!!! She’s so hot and cold! * My grandad’s wife, my nan, her own mother, died recently. She was aged 77 and her and my grandad have been dating since around 14 years old. My grandad has been slipping into a depression and my mum just COMPLAINS how he cannot do that because she needs someone to walk the dog in the morning and he should “snap out of it” * My mum has such a victim complex that like my sister I’ve always been careful not to rebel or complain or even *gasp* disagree with her because she gets upset. At this point I just want to scream at her to stop being such a selfish bitch and support her dad who is clearly suffering after the love of his life passed away instead of telling me how pathetic he is. * My mum got a dog and my sister GOT MAD AT ME because I tried to teach it to sit on the first day. ISNT THAT WHAT YOURE MEANT TO DO? No, actually, I’m cruel and the dog is “too young for that”, instead we should coddle it, let it bite us, let is become a misbehaving brat, and in about 6 months time we can begin to train it. This resulted in, you guessed it, my sister having a tantrum when my mum and everyone else agreed with me that yes you train your dog from the first day. In the end, she got her way, and now my mum has a dog she can’t control, that she constantly makes excuses for – just like she does for my sister’s tantrums LOL. If this wasn’t my damn life it would be funny. I’m sick of calling home and hearing about how my dog has been “behaving this week, but now we’re taking a backwards turn because he’s biting again”.

I’m studying abroad now and I only call home like every 2 weeks at this point. I don’t text my mum anymore on facebook. I’m sick of calling back and my mum isn’t interested about my life at all, only wants to complain about her stupid shitty problems and her dad. She also likes to update me on my sister’s life and pretend like we still get along. She doesn’t even acknowledge the fact we don’t, most of the time. I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. I’m done.

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themockingcrows · 7 years

Text

Whisper Just For Me: Ch. 10 - Scattered Pieces

Following a traumatic experience, you find your attention divided in twenty directions at once while you pick up the pieces of your lost evening and ruined day. You're certain you have all the pieces accounted for and it's time to finally take a rest.. till you realize the most important piece has fallen through the cracks. You can only hope you can find him before it's too late. This chapter is SFW cw: vehicular accident, medical treatment Ao3 Mirror: [X]

The driving hadn't been nearly as hard as you thought it would be once you took into consideration the brief disconnect of time from realization of what needed to be done to actually fulfilling the act with a borrowed body. The finesse wasn't there, but driving was indeed happening to the tune of a soft radio and John's panicked voice in your ears. …. DAVE. Dave, Dave this is bad, Dave pull over what if something happens. Am I dying? Am I dead?? ….

You wanted so badly to comfort him, but no amount of talking was going to comfort that fear. No. No, nothing was going to happen, John. Everything was just fine. You had this entirely in control.

The oncoming car did not have it in control.

A single moment was all it took, oncoming driver unaware of your vehicle as they pulled out onto the road, failing to look before springing into action, winding up in front of you before you could even hope to slam on the brakes and stop. You jerked the wheel sharply to the left, tried to lessen the impact, tried to do anything that your panic would allow you to do. Everything was going wrong, everything was going wrong oh God you couldn't think of how to make this be a bad dream.

One second you were driving. The next, you were becoming weightless as you heard John's scream come first from inside your head, then outside of it as the sound of metal grinding on metal rang out alongside a crunch. A sharp squeal of tires and John screaming. You screaming. Your borrowed voice and John's melded together before pain hit you and things went black as the final attempts to escape this situation failed.

You didn't remember your own death, and yet your last thoughts were a prayer that you weren't about to remember John's as you raised your hand to clasp tight at the pendant and tug the chain taught without even thinking.

- - - - - -

Everything ached. There was a throb to your head that you began noticing was strong enough that your heart beating made everything feel too warm for a moment. You saw colors pulse behind your eyelids with every hint of a thought. Each inch of your body was in painful stasis.. and at least one potential broken bone judging from the radiating field of Nope that came from your right leg. Make that two. Your nose ached as if someone had punched you full force, and attempts to breathe out of it instead of your mouth was impossible. Something felt lodged in there, or swollen.. Hard to tell.

You finally opened your eyes and stared at the ceiling with its yellow tinted light and breathed deep the scent of bottled air and disinfectant. Curtains encircled your rooms borders, keeping it safe from an open hallway that lay beyond your blanket clad feet if your guesses about the unseen approaching and departing footsteps were right. Your glasses weren't on, so you couldn't be positive about anything beyond these blurred shapes and fuzzy edged lines.

A machine softly chirped just behind the edge of your bed, and after a bit more looking you realized just what all you were hooked up to. A pulse-ox clip covered your finger, bulky but barely there pressure of plastic letting them keep track of your vitals. The coil of an IV was stuck in the back of your hand and taped in place, which also explained why your arm felt so chilled. You were kind of glad you couldn't see clearly, able to resist the temptation to lift the blankets covering you to try looking down at your leg, but you appeased yourself by lifting a hand up to gently test your nose. Aside from pain and the stuffy feeling, it seemed that there was a bandage setup on your nose and over the edges of your cheeks to guard the bridge.

“John!” a familiar voice said from somewhere to your right. Shit, you hadn't even noticed anyone else was here, let alone so close. You blinked a few times in quick succession as Jade surged into view, crisper the closer she came. “Oh, John, you're finally awake again, I was -this- close to pinching you to wake you up. How do you feel? Do you need more painkiller? Should I call the nurse?”

“Again?” you asked quietly, racking your brain. You were pretty sure you'd remember being in the hospital, let alone getting here. “We were at the aquarium and then.... Jade, how'd you get here?”

“I'm your emergency contact on things, remember? Me and your dad? I think he might have been busy or his phone was on silent, but I answered after the first ring or two,” she said while rising from the chair she'd been inhabiting, setting aside her book and phone for now before leaning over you and hugging you tight as a vice. “It was a hell of a wreck, you're lucky you got out of it with a messed up leg and a bump on your head... What even happened, were you speeding? The other person's a bit messed up from their airbag, but they were on the far side. Could've been much worse.”

Oh thank God, there hadn't been any deaths. “My car..”

“Basically totaled, yeah, they had to cut the door to get you out, it wouldn't open right. We'll figure out what to do about that later though.”

“I don't.. I don't remember any of that,” you said with a frown, brows furrowing. “How long was I sleeping?”

“A few hours, not too long from what they told me. You were plenty awake and worked up when you first got in apparently, but you started napping before I got here. I've been waiting for you to wake back up this whole time. Augh, have you got any idea how scary it is to get a call from a hospital like that? Worded all ambiguous like you might be on your death bed and they don't want me to panic on the way over,” she said, and your chest clenched painfully when her words slowed to a wobble and her wide eyes filled with tears. Fuck. She hardly ever cried, shit, fuck, what had those idiots SAID? Who were you going to complain to later about unnecessarily freaking out your family? Who was going to taste your fists once you could get up and about?

“Shhh, I made it though, right? I'm okay now!” you tried to say hurriedly, awkward about how to fix things aside from pointing out the good side, tried to point out the positives and run a wild headlong gamut to keep the bad as far away as humanly possible. You were just one guy, though, and it didn't always work.

Jade flapped at your attempts to be soothing and removed her glasses so she could rub her sleeve over her eyes and dry them, snorting to stop her snuffles before they could get worse.

“Don't even do that! Don't, it's okay, it just kind of hit,” she said with one more huffed snort to clear her sinuses and breathe easier. “Oh, right, right. Your dad knows what happened but he's not getting home till late apparently, he had to go out of state for business and the drive back's taking a while. I don't think they're going to admit you, but they were kind of ambiguous.. Once we're sure one way or the other we can tell him to either come here or go to your place when he's free. Sound good? I don't even know how long they're going to drag their feet just keeping you in the emergency room, a ton more people have come in and things have sounded hectic just since I got here.”

“Sound good, more like sounds -great-. I hope you at least kept him calm?”

“Calm enough as anyone can be after getting a message,” Jade sighed. “Damage done but at least soothed a bit. You waking back up and not showing any bad signs is great. You're all alert and making sense.”

You spent some time chitchatting, keeping each other calm and then going back to the usual routine of snarking and joking around. Your glasses frames had snapped from the airbag, but with a bit of medical tape and a promise to get your spares later or order another set, the gift of sight was returned to you. After more brief visits from a nurse checking on you over the course of a few hours, and administering some more exams, a doctor came in and discussed options with your x-rays in hand, and eventually got you sent off to get a cast put on. The break didn't seem serious enough to require surgery and there hadn't seemed to be any clots or venous damage, but there would be a few long months of being in a cast before you'd be given the okay to walk normally once more. Jade convinced you to go for a lighter blue cast on the premise of her wanting to draw all over it and dark blue not being good without paint markers on hand. It seemed you'd gotten exceptionally lucky. A broken leg, a nose that had to be re-set and bandaged, cuts and bruises along your face and forearms from the airbag, whiplash and mild concussion. Considering how terrible everything could have gone from start to finish, you were grateful for how things went. More updates to your father via Jade were met with excited return messages, happy that you weren't going to be facing any surgeries or more imminent problems and promising that he'd be sure to cook some of your favorite foods for you over the coming weeks while you healed.

With a prescription for pain medicine, a fresh set of crutches and several numbers to call related to followup care and information left by the police relating to your car, you finally were released to the world again with the recommendation of coming back if certain symptoms or signs began to appear. No need to end up in ICU over being stubborn, right?

Jade laughed at your awkward gait but helped stabilize you when you wobbled, unpracticed and impatient to get the pressure off your palms and armpits. It was quite a feat to get back home in the darkness and settled, but with Jade helping, everything went just fine. You were given access to remotes and fruit juice, and she even helped set up some snacks to keep near you on a tray, ready and waiting when hunger struck so you wouldn't have to hobble all the way to the kitchen and back with something clutched in your teeth at three in the morning.

It took till you were almost entirely settled, drowsing and relaxed and finally cozy to realize that something was off.

“... Dave?”

Jade looked over, then around, waiting for the usual thump or rush of breeze. When none came, she looked back towards you as you started to pat at your chest in a panic.

“Jade? Jade, where's the pendant?”

“It might be in the bag your other things were in, like your wallet and stuff,” she said, going to snag the plastic bag emblazoned with the hospital's logo, rooting through it. “..Hm. Wallet, paperwork.. Cast care. Pamphlets.. I'm not seeing it in here. When did you last have it on? The hospital?”

With growing alarm, you sat more upright and glanced around, rubbing at the part of your chest where the pendant usually sat. After having Dave around for so long as a constant force, suddenly not having him nearby felt... wrong.

“I don't remember being at the hospital before I woke up. Where could it have gone? Would it still be in the car? I had it under my shirt all day, and I don't think Dave took it out when we switched..”

Jade frowned a bit. “Switched?”

“Yeah, we uh. ..I don't know how, but it's like he was in control of my body for a while? I don't know how it happened and it wasn't on purpose, don't even get that look on your face,” you instantly followed up, noticing the wariness in Jade's eyes increase. “We were on a date and something happened and suddenly he was in control of my body and I was just kind of stuck watching everything happen.”

“Well, could it be in reverse again then? Maybe you absorbed him or something during the wreck,” she said, lifting a finger to signal she needed a moment after her cell began to chirp insistently from her pocket. “Just a second, John, let me go take this.”

“Sure, take your time,” you say, trying to wrack your brain harder. Where the hell could it have gone? If Dave wasn't here, then you had exceeded the range of the pendant in one way or another. Maybe you could get Jade to check her car, make sure it hadn't slipped there. Or call the hospital to check and see if they'd spotted it. Really, the best option would be for you to be in different spaces personally, since you could see Dave so clearly now, but you weren't sure you were up to it or if it would really be a good idea.

..When had you last seem him, though? Before the car accident for sure, he'd been driving and it was terrifying to be in a moving vehicle with no sense of the boundaries of your own body anymore. You couldn't remember being in the hospital prior to waking up with Jade at your side, which was apparently nothing shocking according to the doctor. Traumatic incidents, repressed thoughts that may probably come back or may be lost forever. Sounded a bit weird to you considering it was just a broken leg, but then again you were into the fine art of parapsychology, not the intricacies of standardized psychology and the depth and breadth of variances for trauma responses. None of which were being helpful with remembering the last time the pendant had been around your body's neck.

“John? Your dad says he's willing to come this way if you want, but because it's so late he wanted to be sure you felt up to it. Backup plan is to bust in with a waffle iron in the morning,” Jade said, hand over her phone as she popped his head around the corner to pass along the information.

“What? Waffles? Uh, yeah that might be better if he's okay with it. I don't want him to go straight from being on the road to here, especially if I was going to maybe sleep soon.”

“Maybe sleep? Were you planning on staying up now that you're back?” she asked, hand over the mouthpiece of the phone to muffle her words. “Sure thing. I'll pass it on,” Jade promised as she ducked back around the corner.

You had to get up. You needed to know where Dave was. There was no way you could sit idly by and rest or relax knowing that the last time you'd been able to talk, things have been very very strange. What if he was still in the wreck with the pendant? What if it had been stolen? Who would even steal from an emergency patient, you wondered, but didn't have to think too hard. The world was full of good people who just wanted to help, but the world also held a lot of people who really should reconsider their job. How would you even find him if a theft HAD happened? How could he get hold of you?

While Jade was busy, you reached for your crutches again and struggled to get yourself up with only a few hard wobbles and a pained wince soon as your foot went downward. You didn't thunk it on the floor at least, but the difference between it being up and down was staggering as the difference between being hooked to an IV full of painkiller and fluids and coming down from it with only tablets to see you through your recovery for the foreseeable future. The aching throb slowly starting up was a pretty good indication of how bad this could get... you were glad you couldn't remember the actual break at all.

Dave wasn't in the apartment. Maybe he was down by the car? Or.. Or maybe at the hospital still, where was your phone? Jade didn't say it was in the bag, maybe it was but was out of sight. Or maybe it'd been in the car still? Oh, god. Your mind raced a million miles an hour as you locked up, looking between the plastic hospital bag and the front door, trying to debate your options.

“John, what the hell are you doing up? Couch! Go put your foot back up and lay back, you just got home, don't make things worse so you HAVE to go back!” Jade said as she returned, phone call apparently done in time to bust you red handed. “What's so important that you're needing up right this second, do you need the bathroom or something?”

“No! No, Jade, we need to go back to the hospital. Or my car. Or.. Or the curb by YOUR car, I don't know, we need to move though,” you insist, taking a determined crutch step towards the door before Jade could block you and try once more to guide you back to the couch. “Jade come on, we need to find Dave! I don't know where he is, this is important, it could be really bad!”

“What could be really bad? John, he's dead, I don't think he can really get any deader, and I'm sure he can at least wait for a little longer wherever he's at,” she urged. “It should be fine to wait till morning. I'll call the hospital, see if they have it in lost and found or something, let them know to keep an eye out and we can check back when it's actually morning. Maybe go from there after your dad visits. Sound good?”

You waver. Your leg is starting to throb even more, and the fire is racing up to your hip, down to your ankle, and lighting up more panic in the back of your mind. You were also realizing you were absolutely exhausted. What time even was it? Three am? Four? Did it even matter when you were this tired? Time had blurred the longer you had been in the hospital, and even now it was a bit blurry when you tried to focus on it and take in just how much time had passed between the normal wonderful morning and afternoon to now. “...But.. I can't just leave him somewhere, he's probably worried or scared. What if the last time he saw me I was unconscious or getting moved into an ambulance or something?” you asked, resisting a bit more before allowing Jade to gently escort you back to the couch.

“Dave's a grown dead person, he can be patient, John. Surely he'd be able to tell if you died?” Jade pointed out. “Yes, he's important, but right now you're hurt and I don't think he'd like you hurting yourself more for him. Wherever he is, he'll still be there in the morning, I'll be sure to find him with you okay?”

You sank back on the sofa and lifted your leg hurriedly to its formerly propped up position, relief flooding you again and fatigue roaring behind your eyes. That little bit had sapped more strength than you thought. Holy shit, you could sleep for a fucking week..

“...Yeah. Yeah, you're right Jade. I'm just worried,” you muttered, not protesting when she came to carefully take your glasses off and set the damaged frames aside on the coffee table. “I don't want him to be alone and scared somewhere, I want him here with me.”

She grinned a bit, at least you're pretty sure she did. Jade was close enough to make out the fuzzy edges of her mouth, and the position changed.

“You really do care about him, huh.”

“Well, yeah. I love him, Jade, I'm not kidding about that. I love him and I'm worried and I don't want him upset,” you say, pausing to let out a yawn that snuck up on you from behind and started to steal your consciousness away. “I don't want him alone anywhere ever again, if he doesn't get a say in it.”

“Just try to get a bit of rest right now,” she urged. “Your dad'll be here in the morning, you'll get your medicine in you again, and we'll be able to go find Dave. I'm going to crash in your room since the couch has you for now, okay? If you need me just holler. Your crutches are by the side of the couch.” “Where's my phone?” “I think it might have been in your car, let me go check your pockets,” Jade said, going back to the plastic to rummage around, smiling when she found it. “Oh hey, only a crack on the screen, not bad,” she said. “Do you want me to plug it in for you?”

“...Yeah. Yeah that might be better. Turn off the alarm, I don't want it on for the usual time, I don't think you'd appreciate lurching awake to that loud of a remix.”

“I figured not,” she said with a snort, pausing to rummage in your pant's pockets once more just in case the pendant was somehow there. Maybe Dave just wasn't talking? Could ghosts get hurt in accidents? There'd been talk of a 'switch', and such an unknown thing was making her more cautious. No dice. Damn.

Jade sighed and finally switched the light off, clunking along softly to the bathroom, then to your room after to continue shuffling around to get things plugged in and organized. You heard her toss and turn a bit to get comfortable, your own mind wandering in the dark to the tune of your rising and falling breaths.

… It was so quiet here without Dave rustling papers and knocking things over. It -felt- wrong. There was no cold kiss to your cheek, or pressure on your chest as he moved around, no glints of red at the corner of your eye. Jade was so close, but you still felt lonesome. Dave had been a constant in your life for so long now that suddenly having him gone was just... awful. You grimace and try to fight the bubble of anxiety in your chest and stomach down enough to sleep, grateful when your dreams picked up the slack and took you under.

#Homestuck #John Egbert #Jade Harley #this fic is a fic full of #johndave #my fic

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aliceinwonderland2017centur-blog · 7 years

Text

Pat Handy /North Eastern Library

Disclaimer--- Um this is actually not a complaint. Im pretty sure me not being able to get into my account was done purposefully maliciously and illegally. No matter how white you are you still have to follow the law someone has mistakenly told you because you hold authority you can use a platform to conspire in criminal behavior. Please dont come after me with a gun. Another thing about white people I didnt care that you existed I didnt want to get into a war of brains with you I want to be another anonymous user but no you turned criminal got a negative reaction a verbal asswhooping that all 6 year old gets when they show their ass and yet you claim to be mad. Dont comphrend that when you misbehave an asswhooping follows. Sadly you are more than likely in business attire in fucking stray jacket white skin believing you are somehow entitled to act recklessly and there not be consequences. Its just not true. Im sorry no sir WAKE THE FUCK UP. Be a fucking business professional. You like a civilized proefessional annonymous world right. Imagine if I coudl track you down. and posion your food. Fuck with your phone youre internet done even know you. You do. You will not pick me out the fucking crowd and then say I need to watch my fucking MOUTH. Something something ---Yourself. iNAPPROPRIATE.

SO lets start with Pat Handy.

Pat Handy is a shelter for women. When I first arrived I wasn’t entirely impressed with their intake process due to the long wait. But Neither hear nor there. Its over and done I got in. A short while later it comes to my attention that Pat Handy has policies that are not productive to homeless women or women period. Productive to human beings. Their behavior is so the last thing everyone was thinking. No matter fact no one was thinking it. Ive threatened a suit numerous of times actually written out a complaint and it will be posted in this post. Ive actually gotten this line a few times from police as well. But there are probably atleast five policies or regulations that need fixing overnight. Like not putting them in place was equal to it was done purposefully. Im in a shelter for a reason. Im down on my luck. Im in a time of need. I find it perplexing that people went out their way to build a shelter but they didnt take the proper steps to have a functioning shelter. Its really not my jobs to be on twiitter and tumblr doing someone else's job to get things done. I don’t have the means the money or the time much like the SHELTER implies. Homeless. How you expect people who need help to one do your job but two get out of this TEMPORARY situation and Maintain where they lay their head without the help of the shelter is Crazy. I will admit I’m one of the luckier ones. I have money. Limited but I have money. Sadly Ive spent money just trying to maintain what I'm use to. What I would do if I were home. And protecting myself from outside things. Surprisingly enough it adds up to alot of money, which takes away from the money I need to leave. I’ve written numerous of emails to staff and the Managers of the building but they seem unphased by what I consider unsettling situations. At the very least very unaccommodating and uncompromising for sensitive situations. I did for the time being before recent events walk away from the suit for numerous of reasons. Among them a safety concern. People make you scratch your head when they go out of their way to cause problems. Sadly there are NUMEROUS OF unsettling things wrong with Pat Handy. But the one that has come to my attention as of recent I cant stomach. Over and Over again Pat Handy's staff has shoved their unchangeable uncompromising policy down our throats. The biggest one that has me scratching my head is that all residences have to leave the building at 7 am and return at 4 pm on weekdays and leave at 9 am on weekdays and return at 4 pm on weekends. Its a policy I have adjusted to out of sheer necessity but there are alot of bad mornings bad days. But Sunday is still a hard pill to swallow there is absolutely no where to go till 1 pm. Just recently I became sick. I was diagnosed with gastritis due to some bad food (MORE ON THIS LATER) Two staff members saw that I was sick vomiting and diaherrea. I then went to the hospital. After returning from the hospital on the 13th I asked one of the advocates on my floor if I could go lay down. I also showed her my ER paperwork. Suprisingly I was fought on bedrest and was told that I had to have some long DRAWN out thing stating HOW LONG the bedrest was suppose to be and for what reasons. Obviously I'm not feeling well so I didnt plan to be sick I don't know to ask the doctor for a book on my recovery process and quite frankly its an emergency room I saw the doctor for 10 15 minutes. Sick. PRESCRIPTION. Why are you going out of your way to fight me on bed rest? Firstly IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE TO ask for anything in the heat RETURNING from the hospital because im what? sick. That makes no sense. And to be quite honest its tacky Im actually sick but how tacky is it that a doctor needs to jump through hopes to convince a shelter something they should already be providing SHELTER. lmao. It really gets no better. The ER paperwork didn't go into detail about bedrest but it was stated that bedrest is suggested. Everything was vague and should have been taken with a grain of salt. No one person is the same. I actually have asked 4 times since my hospital visit for Bedrest. the last one being when Police were called on the 17th. I wont lie about the situation became exacerbated when I realized there were women staying in doors who are not sick while the rest of us sit outside in the heat looking like zoo animals. Unfortunate for the shelter these women are light and white its offensive and disrespectful. It really sends the wrong message. I am sick and I need to prove to them im sick before I can lay down and rest these women have nothing wrong with them and they are inside. I will post emails between me and the shelter. What's even more offensive the white woman Ive had problems with. It looks alot she was rewarded. I had no idea ANYONE was inside during the hours of 7 and 4. I was aware there are people on bedrest, people who are sick but I was under the impression the POLICY applied to everyone. They way it should be.

These women are still sitting up in the shelter as we speak. Are required to go no where in the heat. The shelter tells on themselves if you are suppose to be there you are not in the mirror putting make up on in your pajamas as a COVER five minutes before departure time. You are sick you are employed you don't need a cover right? Exactly Goodbye. A lie. White. Thinks things magically falls from the sky. W e are talking about Pat Handy so they are aware Im upset about light bright and spoiled milk sitting inside while we squats on fucking bricks and on cement for an hour and half pointless while business professionals walk by for the morning communute.

Let me put here We are treated like humans when hyporthermia alert comes on but for cold weatehr its I believe 32 and below and for hotweather I think its like 95 and above r something likethat. Watch PH top me. We missed it by a degree and we are outside on cycles. Fucking sad and ridiculous and they touting A FEMALES names

Moving on to Problem Child Number 2

Northeastern Library 7th street NE Washington, DC

Ive been going to that library for the past little while maybe a few weeks maybe a few months. Outside the no phone calls at the computer There were no issues. And even that was business related. I mind my business and im in and and out. Im looking for work. Don't know anyone beyond a familiar face. Around maybe a few days before the 11th of July maybe a week im not sure. Im noticing my computer is having suspicious activity that disrupts my work. obviously its very possible for technical issues to arise but three is too many times and noone else is having issues. I send a complaint via the website computer is messing up too many times and noone else is having problems. I literally have to closeout all programs three times. And I wont lie its not the best day but the library was none the wiser. Minding my business haven't said anything to anyone. I get an email following that incident days later. The woman who intercepted my message via the library's website tried to imply she didnt know what library I was referring to. This is possible but I personally find it unlikely. It was sent from a Library computer and I typed in Northeastern Library so I find it hard to believe she doesn't know what library Im referring to. AT that point it would appear like she is playing a game or attempting to cover for whomever. But she could have covered for whomever and just kept her mouth closed. She messy end of discussion. I respond with this message

Start Emails

Please excuse me for the tone of this email but quit frankly I wasn't expecting to have to hold the hand and do your job. I really didn't want to have to respond at all. Ive written two emails. Ive enclosed pictures to show you--whether or not someone incompetently put together a website or it;S DC policy TO hire stupid people and make it MY JOB TO figure our your JOB or YOU KNOW PRECISELY and this is another game I am hesitant to call and put a stop to. It came from A dc library computer. You have my card number. I really hate to jump to conclusions. But people make it hard these days to come in and do mind their business and leave. I don't have time for this. I'm here for a reason to conduct business my business that has nothing to do with you. I don't have time to write complaints. Ive enclosed pictures. Hopefully someone gets paid to CONNECT DOTS.

-----Original Message----- From: Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) (DCPL) <[email protected]> To: --- Sent: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 10:00 am Subject: RE: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

Which library were you visiting on Friday, June 30?

Thanks

-----Original Message----- From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Friday, June 30, 2017 2:52 PM To: Fayemi, Temitayo (DCPL); Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) Subject: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

----sent a message using the contact form at https://www.dclibrary.org/contact.

So I've been on this computer for about maybe an hour to an hour half and its frozen maybe three times in the last twenty minutes. I did ask someone else if there computer is freezing and there's was not. I'm not sure if its a technical issue but Its off my computer is freezing three times in an hour.

End Emails

Surprising enough this happened the same day as the emails on the eleventh. I did not send the emails until after I returned on the 13th. The emails were going to be sent should another situation arise. One presented itself the same day whether they are responsible I still am not sure. The library is not cooperative which places doubt on them and due to their behavior following the incident and after I filed the police report I start leaning into asshwooping territory unfortunately.

Following the incident with the library the email pasted above sent to Ms. Ward on the 11th was the last email I sent before being sick by food poisoning the same day. I sometimes go to 7 eleven that next door But that day I stuck to my usual a croissant which is packaged. Later that day around the time im doing laundry I go to Walgreens (Nesquick) and 7 eleven (beefpattie) (one usual beef pattie is sporadic) . I'm doubled over sick by the end of the night. Ive talked to 7 eleven while nothings certain leaning towards Walgreens.

The library is boldy unapologetic and even if they had nothing to do with still very much up for debate You are A business you are being paid to be a business professional which I have not seen. Not only does the situation demand a response I requested a response. To your fifty cent credit thats how much its worth considering I was poisoned and You are a likely candiate. Im mean. ANd disrespectful AND IM NOT apologetic. Look AT HOW YOU behave. They all need new lives that's how bad those emails were. LMAO it makes me feel better. Nose in the air. And im still taller then you I dont see anything. You are being paid. These are rules and policy you have to follow. So sorry about it. Sucks for you.

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