#ahhh let's be real in a normal year I'd still be pretty stressed about this but not quite this much. I'm trying to get HIRED for JOBS

[anonprotagging]

I have. one week. to finish. a massive amount of drawing.

and 3 weeks to finish the massive test that will determine if I have a future in the job I've been working towards for 8 years or not. and instead of working on either of those I had the audacity to SLEEP. ALL NIGHT and ALL DAY TODAY because of working a 10-hour major work event yesterday on 2 hours of sleep.

and I have to do ohhhh about 6 or so hours of work TODAY to make up for the work I didn't get to do yesterday. which means I actually have 6 days to finish the entire PLA comic arc in time for gene's birthday.

I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm in hell

#also as usual of course that event wasn't paid ~ #I didn't even get free food ~~~~~ #the american system exploits college students~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ #I'm literally weeping. #if it were like a normal year I wouldn't be so stressed about this but I'm trying to finish grad school and pass my job test and gene's #turning TEN YEARS OLD. Ihave had him for 10 years and I can't even fuckin g . get him HOME . in time for the anniversary of me making him. #ahhh let's be real in a normal year I'd still be pretty stressed about this but not quite this much. I'm trying to get HIRED for JOBS #in my FIELD while WORKING a job in my field. I love my job I just want to get a good job and then I'll have enough money to get fancy comms #from my friends more often and help my mom with rent and pay off my stupid student loands and figusdgfdssgdsds #I'm so overwhelmed AAAAAAUHHHH....... #personal #negative

[skamfairy]

ok so like i'm really confused right now cause like i think i might be bi ??? i've definitely had crushes on other girls and i've thought "wow i rlly want to kiss u" but i'd never peruse it ?? i just wouldn't want to take the next step and date them ??? i'm conflicted maybe this is my 'not wanting to be outed' mindset, but maybe it's just that i'd never want to be in a relationship with another girl. but then i'm like 'does this make me not bi' ?????? i am so conflicted i need some helppp

that kinda bi maybe not very confused anon again ,,,, maybe the reason i’m not looking to be in a relationship with a girl is because my whole life i’ve had the idea that i’ll settle down with a guy and that will be that. maybe it’s because i’ve only just delved into my other pretty gay thoughts that i’m so confused ??? sorry for this it probably made no sense but i started to rant and it just took off from there

Wow, my love I am speechless because you just described everything I have just gone through and kinda still am? Like i’m beginning to accept that yep I do like girls but ahhh it’s taken me so long to get here and I still find myself thinking and feeling everything you are right now. 

I spent my whole life repressing my feelings, even when I actually found myself having feelings for girls many many years before I had them for guys which was like a massive blessing for me cos “yes i’m straight.” 

But when I finally began realising it all (which was basically all last year) I just kept going back and forth cos i’m like “could I be with a girl? could I date one? but what would that be like? Do I want that?” and I just got all confused and frustrated and annoyed with myself because how do I know what is real? How do I know if my feelings are real if I can’t even picture myself with a girl properly. 

But then I started to stop and think that maybe i was putting too much pressure on myself. Like I literally only just stopped repressing my feelings 5 minutes ago and now i’m yelling at myself because the idea of pursuing those feelings freaks me out? Damn talk about giving yourself some time to adjust. 

So I kinda just stopped stressing about it and let myself breathe instead. Giving myself a chance to get used to this massive epiphany I just had. I mean there obviously was a reason why I forced myself to ignore and excuse every single feeling I had for girls for 20 years of my life. So just because I have finally stopped ignoring those feelings doesn’t mean I will instantly be okay with them. Does that make sense?

I really do think it is 100% absolutely normal to be attracted to girls and have feelings for them but not being able to picture dating them because gosh it’s still so new and fresh and we have never been there before you know? Like I also try to picture myself in Paris and the best I get is a lame cafe eating a croissant while the window looks over at a pretty dodgy version of the Eiffel tower I made up in my mind. But I can’t picture it because I’m just not there yet. and I think when I buy the tickets and get on the plane it will be easier to picture? 

Oh my god i’m so sorry that analogy was awful. 

My point is take a breath, tell yourself you love you and all your feelings and every single part of you, no matter what. and then just let yourself feel what you feel without any pressure. baby steps. I think when we find someone who makes us be able to picture ourselves having a relationship with a girl, That girl, that is when we have made it to the airport and nothing else matters. That is when all the worries, all the fears all the pain, it all doesn’t matter anymore because this feeling changes everything.

And I have no doubt, whether it be a boy or a girl, you will find that feeling and everything will finally make sense

I don’t know if this made sense or helped at all but I really hope it did. I’m always here if you need to talk because I am honestly going through the same journey right now. Thank you so much for sharing with me. It means the world. 💜

#anon #replies #I hope I helped even a tiny bit #I'm sorry I always talk about myself when I get these asks but I think that's how I find a response that could help a little? #I love you anon #always here when you need someone to talk to <3