#also oh I don't know GEN ALPHA will make their own STYLE BS and we ANCIENT VENERABLE ZILLENIALS will be crotchety and confused about it

[erose-this-name]

Primer On Stylistic Elements Of Internet Speak (Zoomerese) (from what I've learned by being terminally online)

This is just text, like, normal fucking text. nothing special about this.

Because base English 🥱 only has support for shouting :O (!) questions🤨(?) and statements ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (.), and we wanted to add new registers of voice :P, (and keyboards limit the ability to add new symbols) :-( a lot of new features to the language have to be made out of other symbols or be made of stylistic elements instead of a dedicated symbol. And since there's no dedicated authority to teach people new abstract symbols, they had to be faces so they could be intuitive. ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ♡

This isn't sARcaSTIc at all, I mean come on, why would anyone EVER want to indicate SARCASM by OVEREXAGGERATING to compensate for """"English not having a sarcasm punctuation mark""""? Like, c'mon, it's not like "/s" or ".~" can also be used AS a sarcmark.~

Oh, yeah? "RanDOM CaPS mAKeS IT sOunD LIkE mOCkiNG" that's what you sound like.

This is TOTALLY post-irony OR meta-irony, where you just, like, SAY what you actually mean but IN A SARCASTIC WAY??? Uh, what is this, some kinda "gen z exclusive" comedy/slang feature?? Like, wow, I guess you would need to do that to "create some distance" between you and your beliefs by giving you the ability to say you were "JuST KiDDinG", or as a "joke" because ""zoomers"" are so oversaturated with content that normal single level sarcasm doesn't work anymore and they need to layer that shit up two or three times, or some bullshit like that.

I'm finna splain txt messg shorthand, aka sms language. its like faster 2 type & kinda gives u a valley grl vibe. itz actually a bit harder 2 learn than the rest of these and I'm not gud at it. kthnx

This. Is. Putting. A. Period. On. Every. Fucking. Word. This. Shit. Makes. It. Sound. Like. You. Motherfucker. Are. Very. FUCKING. Angry. And. Authoritative. (this prosody is also a new [and relatively rare] feature in spoken English as well.)

UwU, what's this? Nya, thiws iws uwu/owo voice! (UwU)! Iwt iws meant towo sowund wike a baby voice, vewy cute (hazawdouswy cute) (UwU!), awnd iws used excwusivewy by fuwwies awnd femboys awnd fuwwy femboys uwu awnd anyaone who uses iwt "iwonyacawwy" iws secwetewy owne nya of those pwobabwy uwu. use at youw own peril (you will wose bwaincewws awnd become gay) nya! RAWR XD

Dis ar teh LOLCAT, it be VRY OUTDATD MEME, but sum bits ov dis style ov brokd grammar an spellin' still appears on teh interwebs in TINY DOSES 2 mak it seem cutr an dumbr or leik a cat 4 ironic purposez, LIEK ONCE OR TWICE PER POST!!!1!1 DO NOT OVAR USE IT LIEK IM U WILL DYE!!!1!1!

uh all lowercase and without punctuation makes it seem childish/lazy which can be used for irony if what youre saying is actually very important or authoritative but you dont wanna sound that way because you are depressed or just wanna feel cute or maybe some other reason idk im just a boy

Exclamation marks (!) indicate excitement and energy! My Dad (ex-typographer) whose really really cool says that exclamation marks (!) mean you're SHOUTING and not to use them!!! And he's really cool, but that's not right anymore because SHOUTING IS INDICATED BY ALL UPPERCASE!!!!!

AAAA WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!?

fUCK CAPS LOCK IS ON THIS LOOKS LIKE AN OBVIOUS MISTAKE/UNINTENTIONAL SHOUTING FUNNY JOKE.

This is Capitalizing The First Letter In Every Word, which is done on Tumblr Dot Com but not much elsewhere. It brings to mind how Titles and Headlines also sometimes Capitalizing The First Letter In Every Word, and gives your post an aura of Authority and to Nounify Something.

Most other parts of the internet™®© do this where they spam copyright and trademark symbols®©™®©© to achieve the same effect as capitalizing the first letter in every word©©™.

>be me >go on 4Chan.org >dies immediately.exe >looks into posts >discovers entirely unique and interesting writing style called greentext >ask why its called that >Get called a "newf*g, desu" >it's mostly used by incels to gaslight fa/tg/uys and /b/***** (they wouldn't censor that) into reading stories they made up about themselves where they become a sex haver >literally no one believes that any greentext has ever actually happened >find incest greentext >ew.wav >read it anyways because ******** (utter self-loathing is important for authentic greentext) >it's just the plot of Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back >mfw

I learned 4Channerish so you don't have to. Seriously, don't.

(If I've missed anything please reblog to expand our VALUABLE COLLECTIVE EDUTRAINING ABILITIES)

#writing #writeblr #spilled thoughts #cursed #linguistics #anyways i think a lot of this will eventually be adopted into standard english style guides and be considered proper grammar eventually may #also oh I don't know GEN ALPHA will make their own STYLE BS and we ANCIENT VENERABLE ZILLENIALS will be crotchety and confused about it