#also sorry Marcia I came up with this premise when I was still mad at you xoxoxo

[sexynetra]

11. “I’m not fine. I know I said I was but I’m not.” for sashnetra

Idk what this is I finished it tonight as part of my goal to publish something every month 😂 it’s not really hurt/comfort, it’s not really angst, but some secret third thing. I hope you enjoy regardless!

Read on Ao3

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Sasha looked across the table at her girlfriend. Anetra was pushing the food around her plate wordlessly, eyes glued to the table. It wasn’t like her, and Sasha was worried.

“Babe, are you sure you’re okay?” Sasha asked for what was probably the fiftieth time that night.

“Yes, and stop asking.” Anetra said curtly, spearing her fork into a steamed carrot with far more force than necessary.

Sasha sighed, pressing her fingers into her temples and counting to 5 in her head. It wouldn’t do anyone any good for her to snap at Anetra right now, but she was at her wits end trying to get her to open up.

“Sweethea—“

“I’m fine, Sasha. Stop patronizing me,” Anetra interjected, finally tearing her gaze away from her uneaten plate of food to glare at Sasha.

It caught Sasha off guard, and she felt her palms go slightly clammy. All she wanted to do was help, but somehow she’d made an even bigger mess of this. Still, she couldn’t just drop the subject. In the six months they had been together, Sasha had never once seen Anetra like this.

Anetra seemed to notice the minute change in Sasha’s demeanor. That or the weight of whatever was happening became too much.

It looked like Anetra deflated. Her shoulders sagged and her irate expression melted off to something hollow and haunted. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset,” she mumbled. Sasha’s heart broke a little. Carefully, she extended her hand, supine. After a moment’s hesitation, Anetra reached out, entwining their fingers and squeezing gently.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Sasha started carefully, rubbing her thumb along the back of Anetra’s hand. Anetra swallowed thickly and Sasha watched, gauging whether or not she was about to try.

“You didn’t– It’s nothing–” She cut herself off to stare at the ceiling in a move Sasha knew all too well. She was trying to keep tears at bay. “I just… I’m not fine. I know I said I was, but I'm not,” she said finally, blinking hard before meeting Sasha’s eyes again. Sasha’s heart broke again.

“Oh, my baby. Come here – dinner can wait,” she said softly, squeezing Anetra’s hand.

Anetra bit her lip harshly, hard enough to leave an imprint. “Can we go to the couch?”

“Of course we can.” Sasha stood up, keeping her grasp firm enough to hopefully be grounding.

They walked, hand-in hand, across the threshold into the living room. Sasha sat down first, pulling Anetra down so she was on her lap, arms snaking around her waist. “Is this okay?”

Anetra just nodded, burrowing into Sasha’s frame. It seemed, from the outside at least, that she was trying to make herself smaller. Sasha’s grip tightened minutely. “Do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to.”

Anetra shifted, nuzzling her face into Sasha’s shoulder before speaking. “I ran into Marcia.” Her voice was muffled, talking directly into the soft wool of Sasha’s cardigan. “At the store.”

Sasha swallowed a lump, trying to keep her own emotions in check. Anetra needed her to be strong right now. “Oh love, I’m sorry, that must have been jarring. Did she say anything to you?”

Anetra shook her head and Sasha could have sworn she heard a tiny sniffle. “She acted like she didn’t even know me… We were together for five fucking years and she acted like I was a total stranger,” Anetra’s voice broke and Sasha held her close, rubbing circles onto her back.

“I’m so sorry…” Sasha felt helpless. She didn’t know what to say, how to comfort Anetra. How could she possibly condense 5 years worth of relationship trauma into a genuine comfort? It felt like an impossible task. Useless platitudes sat on the tip of her tongue. “You deserve better than that,” she tried finally.

Anetra pulled back slightly, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Yeah. I do. I’m gonna go take a bath.” She carefully unwound herself from Sasha’s grip, standing up and heading towards the hall before Sasha could think of anything to say. Anetra paused at the entrance to the hallway, looking back at Sasha. “I love you,” she said quietly.

“I love you too,” Sasha replied. Anetra gave her a tiny smile before disappearing into the bathroom. Sasha leaned back, groaning and rubbing her face. I love you just wasn’t enough. She needed to come up with a plan to cheer Anetra up, and fast.

#I haven’t written Sashnetra in so long #so this does not match the dynamic of the other things I’ve written of them #but it’s a different au a different universe yknow :) #also sorry Marcia I came up with this premise when I was still mad at you xoxoxo #drag race #rpdr #RuPaul’s drag race #Anetra #Sasha Colby #Sashnetra #drag race 15 #rpdr 15 #RuPaul’s drag race 15 #drag race fanfic #drag race fanfiction #asks #ask #anon #prompt request #my writing #unedited as always ofc