#and afterwards it was just me and my nonbinary sibling sitting in their car

[sheliesshattered]

I think alcohol is a fantastic invention.

Because sometimes it’s fun, and sometimes it’s reckless, and sometimes it’s necessary because your father just died and you’re spending ten days living out of a hotel five minutes from your mother’s house so you can be there to help her go through all his books and clothes and trinkets and old birthday cards and the little scattered handwritten notes he wrote as he was slowly losing his mind and even more slowly realizing he was losing it, and there’s so much to get done and her grief is so overwhelming that you can’t even really feel your own, and you just think--

Bourbon. Bourbon would make this better.

#tw alcohol #alcohol #drinking #bourbon #whiskey #okay to reblog #this is my real life #2022 mood #I have grieved in private in stair steps downwards over the last year #grieving each little thing as we lost it. as we lost him. #and I'll grieve some more when I'm back home on my own turf #but for now my days are about supporting Mom and my nights are about deriving enough support from bourbon to sleep soundly #I've been here for a week and the days all blend together #but at some point we had to go to the funeral home for a last glimpse of his body before the cremation #and we said our goodbyes in our own ways and with varying amounts of tears #and afterwards it was just me and my nonbinary sibling sitting in their car #and I said 'I need a drink' and they said 'meeeee tooooo' #and we come from a strict no-drinking family so there's not an ounce of alcohol in the house not even cooking wine #and then we looked at the building next to the funeral home. and it was a combo bar and liquor store #so we went in and chatted with some cheerful and friendly midwesterners who were very happy to sell us bourbon (me) and Baileys (them) #at two in the fucking afternoon #my nb sibling is braver than me and took the Baileys into Mom's house. I however have limited myself to just a little bourbon before bed #when I'm by myself in the hotel room and know I won't be able to sleep otherwise #it's helping until I can have the time and space to deal with this like a fucking adult

[wierdkid20]

the fuck do you mean you're "not a feminist" mom?

I need to rant for a moment and I have a tumblr and what else is this hellsite for right? So, my mom sent me a poll that was supposed to breakdown what 'form' of feminism you believe in, the polls not important it was infuriating afterwards though we were talking.

Now, we both grew up in the same cult, we both got out of it around the same time, granted she has something like 40 years on me but whatever. My mother has the gall the gall though to tell me she's not a feminist.

This is the woman who was livid in the car after an all day religious convention because people applauded a young women's faith in god when struck with the 'challenge' of sexual harassment. "Now people are going to think its OK not to say anything, that they just have to rely on god and everything will be OK."

This is the woman who refused to let my brother embrace toxic masculinity.

This is the woman who taught me to use power tools and switch out the fan in my bedroom

This is the woman who looked at me and each of my siblings and told us "You're not allowed to get married until you visit every art museum in the world."

She got married at 22, and at least once a year counts out how many grandchildren she would have if each of us had followed her life course, (6, with the oldest starting kindergarten), and laughs with relief and bewilderment each time that that's not happening.

My mothers not perfect of course, there were some questionable decisions made, which is to be expected when society is telling you to raise 4 children in your early 20's.

But I will never forget sitting in the car with my grandmother at 19 and being emphatically told that Men and women could not be friends, said in a way that clearly meant that I should know this already. Meanwhile at 10 I and a boy from our church were playing downstairs unsupervised together and my mother laid into the moms upstairs tsking over how "You have to be careful with them at that age."

My mom can't define intersectionality but she'd say "Well duh" if you told her. She rarely gets my pronouns right but the moment I said I'm nonbinary she started sending me knitting patterns of gender neutral things to ask my opinion. She's baffled at the fact that none of her rainbow variety children have brought home anyone they're interested in, but she's so supportive of our right to choose and to have options that she never felt like she had.

#look this is mostly just about me loving my mom #ex jw #this isn't getting the feminism tag to prevent me from manifesting scorpions into the house of those that clown