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#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth
danothan · 6 months
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys ​i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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szopenhauer · 4 years
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Grossest thing you’ve seen in a bathroom? pee, poop and blood mixed with vomit all over the place Do you consider your family dysfunctional? all families are toxic, more or less Do you hate people who act like everything is fine when its not? I hate those people, they both want you to leave them alone and guess, they’re annoyed with the fact you wanna know as much as you not caring about them, never satisfied, then blame everybody else, how are we supposed to act if we feel you don’t trust us enough to tell the truth? it’s your own fault! we also have problems, not everything’s about you, if you prefer to kill yourself than speak up, that’s your choice but it means you’re a coward, I’m tired of that behavior
Ever had a body piercing ripped out? never had a piercing so I’m lucky not to be bullied this way
Can you sew/croshet/knit? I know basics but I have no patience so it’s not my hobby Do you put the cap back on the toothpaste after using it? of course :o  Have you shot off a firework? never, it’s dangerous, I prefer to look and from afar  Are you offended when you see women breast feeding? no
Do you hate when people keep things from you? if we’re close then sure Can you multitask? I can XD
*działam na dwa fronty, boobs, albo na tyłach* Are you too sensitive? hypersensitive Who wears the pants in the relationship? who wears the socks and cowboy hat tho?
If you were given three things to make you happy, what would these be? health, money and no worries How would you rank the following in importance: family, career, love life? family and love life then career as I’m not interested in it 
Which would you prefer: having a baby without a partner or a partner without a baby? partner without a baby  but tbh it would be better to raise a baby without a partner if I decided to have a kid (I don’t want children though) as there wouldn’t be disagreements on how to nor risk of arguments and then divorce in general which would be super hard for the little one 
Do you think God is real, and why? sigh...
Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why? rarely as it’s like putting your hand into fire hoping it will be cold this time, people usually change for worse - not better Do you think people fall in love because the right person has arrived, or because the time is right (regardless of whom the person is that they fall in love with)? because of other reasons usually as I wouldn’t call their relationships LOVE, they’re just desperate, scared of being lonely How important is trust in a relationship? I don’t think I can trust someone completely but still it’s very important to me to trust them as much as I am capable to - if I can’t trust them at all then it won’t work  How do you feel about infidelity? it makes people feel like they’re not enough and they also get paranoid later, it causes trauma, person who was cheated on will always be afraid to trust another human being in case someone “better” will show up, nobody is perfect but it’s better if you break up than do smth romantic or sexual behind your partner’s back, nobody deserves it, if you can’t be with one person only then either do open relationships or polyamory or just don’t commit to anyone - one night stands or something - infidelity is caused by wanting more and being impulsive, liking adrenaline, risky behavior, you are some sort of an abuser, not just a liar, because you’re hurting someone who’s supposed to be closest to you, intoxication isn’t an excuse, if you can’t keep it in your pants when you’re drunk then don’t drink too much or publicly - simple as that, love is a promise and you’re breaking it for fun, someone said today that it’s like checking if another branch will snap while still holding another - sounds careful but that’s not the point - it’s just that you should sit on it (stability) instead of jumping trees after you already commited to one of them and made a nest on it, you will break all of the branches (other people) and you will end up on the ground anyway - alone, who wants to be with a cheater? honestly - rapist will always stay rapist even if he won’t rape again and so is the cheating person - they might change but fear will always be a part of their partner for sure, dating is like a competition for many, trying until you find the best match, always looking around, never warming up to anyone in case there’s a better opportunity, constant game that make us anxious, showing off you’re the best player among all and... you actually are a player in both of this word’s definitions, sadly What quality in a person do you fall in love with? it’s not a single separate thing but someone whole I believe, I tried to explain that to myself but it’s very hard, there are some traits I might like more, go for, see as necessities but I’m unable to list them for now - maybe later/someday Do you find it difficult to admit that you are wrong, and why? I am - I don’t care about winning, I want truth and justice, I prefer to be right but without admitting I’m wrong that can’t happen Which would you prefer in a romantic partner: a dreamer or an achiever? dreamer, I dislike overly ambitious and workaholic people  What do you think are the two things that prevent people from realizing their dreams? money issues and health problems or time
So the world is dying to know the longest you’ve ever been on an airplane. 0 hours
Speaking of airplanes, can you sleep on them easily or no? no idea
So if I were to touch the place you last itched, would it be awkward? sorta
Have you ever come close to drowning? it was close in my opinion
Is the window in this room currently open or closed? closed
Is your phone fully charged right now? it is indeed
If you gave yourself a symbol (ex: star) to represent you, it would be…? not sure
Combine your two favorite animals. What kind of animal do you get? raccoon + elephant?
If I gave you a box of chocolates, which would you hope to get? I prefer something else than a box of chocolates
Have you ever caught your clothes on fire before? omg luckily not 
Are you any good at improv? been told
Do you have any special handshakes with friends? I don’t have... friends :x
Are you better at writing fiction or nonfiction? I’m good at both but I prefer fiction
How many times does the letter ’t’ occur in your full name? once
Last song you heard? Crystal Castles - Suffocation Reason you last threw up? meds withdrawal How many pairs of flip flops do you own? zero Do you ever pick up pennies for good luck? I pick up all coins that I find and give them to my dad Something you wear all the time that you’d feel naked without? panties
If you have younger siblings, how old were you when your siblings were born? not applicable Would you ever pick up gum from the ground and eat it? hell no Have you ever gotten stitches? nope
Think back to the last thing you drank. Did you drink it using a straw? I didn’t Is the sun shining? it’s almost midnight  Where did you go today? shopping Have you ever taken a survey while under the influence of drugs or alcohol? I don’t drink or take illegal drugs Where will you be in an hour? in my bed Is anyone irritating you? not atm unless I can count myself  Have your parents ever threatened to throw your things away because your room was messy? sorta Is your shirt pink? it’s mostly white Are you going to do more surveys? it’s late and I’m commited to finish this one Who is the most complicated person in your life right now? ... me? Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? yep Are you hungry or thirsty right now? thirsty Do you own a pair of gumboots? eww, gross Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? I might  Do you rate people’s attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? rating 1-10 is very hard for me Is there anything that you could cry about right now? shitload of reasons When was the last time you used Facebook? today like every other day Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? our house How many vowels are in your street name? 4 Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? I did not Have you ever been a member of an online dating site?  couple Do you know what your neighbours even look like? obvi Do you put ketchup on your fries? yuk
What color was the last swimsuit you wore? uh oh I should check that in my photo album in pics from middle school 
Is your dream job attainable? they ain’t
Have you read a newspaper today? we don’t buy/read newspapers
Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? I’m done with school and am unemployed
Have you ever been to a drive-in theatre? no
Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? guitar
Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? camp
Do you live with your parents? still
Are there any embarrassing school pictures of you anywhere in your house? there are
What moment in your life have you been most scared? constantly now last half year
Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? long story
Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I make them but barely ever
Are you more of a phone or a computer person? computer
Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? prefer them to cook for me 
How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? hope that this will happen soon 
Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? I need one
Have you ever ripped your pants in public? even recently 
Have you ever thought someone was talking to you, but it turned out they were on the phone? Did you play it off? possibly
Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? can we not talk about it?...
Who was the last person you slow danced with? my gf
Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you? often, nothing as I’m disabled
Do you say ‘like’ a lot? used to
Do you scream out the answers while watching game shows on TV? at times I did
Do you ever go into photobooths? yay!
What bill do you hate paying the most? I’d hate paying rent as it’s idiotically high
What’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? everywhere can be romantic with a right person
What was your first car? none yet
Favorite guilty pleasure? personal
What celeb do you think resembles you best? basing on look? Cole Sprouse or Maisie Williams but with Juno Temple body
Who from high school would you like to run in to? hmm...
Start a new career or relationship? just get a job as I’m taken
Are any of your toes connected? I don’t have webbed toes
What was the last thing you dreamed about? running from the police... w klapkach
What color is your bedroom carpet? no carpet Have you ever had a black and white cat? all black Would you rather have an STD or share a bed with Michael Jackson? life chose for me and honestly this is probably the first time I’m happy about it Do you have any wallpaper in your house? I wish How many pairs of underwear do you own? lots of panties but not enough bras Who was your primary/elemantary school’s most popular girl? E.O. and A.M. Would you like to learn to play the harp? meh Are your feet ticklish? very and I hate that Do you have a black dog? it’s partially black Who has the prettiest toes, that you know of? feet are disgusting  What’s your least favorite season? winter
Do you enjoy walks? sure Can you roll your tongue? I can Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars? gimme Would you forgive someone for cheating? hard to tell Have you seen A Clockwork Orange? not interested Do you like to read? occasionally re you a grumpy person? often Do you like cotton candy? never tried and don’t wanna Rap or pop? pop What’s the weirdest flavor of ice cream you’ve tried? rose, amazing! Love or lust? love Do you remember lyrics easily? am I the only one who don’t? :(
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dekuthedork · 5 years
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Au where Izuku is dead/gone before yuuei/doesn’t exist/etc
- another kid in class 1A to fill the class, likely someone from 1b?
- Mineta expelled
- Yaomomo is class president, iida vice.
- tsuyu alone in USJ and gets hurt. Alternatively, she's with the main group, assists in getting iida out, and help comes sooner
- Aizawa likely to get more severely injured in the attack
- All might slightly stronger than canon*, gets rid of noumu slightly quicker. no Izuku=it's kinda moot
- *assuming he hasn't passed OFA on. He's kinda pushing it.
- The class as a whole lacks the "worst wonder duo" + their 'dynamic' to push them forward = less drive for sports festival
- no rival for todo, no todo development, no fire. Rip.
- (oh trauma ?)
- Either Baku or todo would've won the first round. Probs baku.
- = different teams. (At least slightly.)
- Hatsume might not have made it to third round = less advertisement opportunity for her babies n career
- Baku still wins. Less development for the boy
- Iida dies. Or, if he's fuckin lucky(?) he is permanently injured/physically disabled. Ouch.
- again, trauma. and less character development and also end of the ingenium name
- Uh, definite eventual class 1a shinsou, except it's REALLY FUCKIN SAD AND NO ONES VERY HAPPY
- Exams: baku and sero probs put together? Idk I have to think about the matchups more. they aren’t super important for overall plot, just individual development..
- Depending on the au (did Deku ever exist, did something diff happen to prevent him from meeting all m and getting OFA, is it a ‘sludge villain killed him’ au, is it an au where he decided on smth else he wanted to do, was there a katsuki-izuku (healthy) friendship before he didn’t go to UA, etc) baku's character is gonna be different to some degree. Bc no matter what, no Izuku at Yuuei = different baku.
- Izuku inarguably drives baku’s character development to some degree, so bkg develops less.
- Ojiro and shinsou work together in the exam, if shinsou gets in 1-a early
- (IDK ABOUT THE MYSTERY KID OK THEYRE COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL AND MAY HAVE CALLED IT QUITS AFTER THIS SEMESTER OF HELL AT YUUEI, OR ARE FROM 1B IN WHICH CASE IDK WHO THEY ARE)
- shopping occurs, shigaraki probs shows up, may or may not make contact. No major repercussions apart from possible paranoia for class 1a. Depending on why Izuku Isn't There, baku might be present at shops.
- OH YEAH THIS MEANS TODO WONT SEE HIS MUM AGAIN DD:
- Asbsjksjilrwf at this point this is. Getting very canon divergent but at the training camp they'd probs get baku + tokoyami and also maybe kill Izumi DDD:
- Very canon divergent by this point, uh.. AFO vs OFA fight goes differently, All M is at least a little stronger (bc whether or not he has given away OFA, it would've been done later, and he wouldve strained him less/less often, hence at least a bit more power?) Baku might get more caught up in it all.
- More trauma for Bakugou and less character development! :/
- If a 1A group still went to rescue 'em without Deku, well.
- I feel like shinsou and or the mystery kid (if they hung around ua after All That Bullshit) would be there, maybe. Kiri would definitely wanna go. Todo might not bc the alley shit never happened. Iida is dead/injured, so he's not there. Yaomomo might go? Who knows lol
- baku, regardless of most of the variables, would 100% feel WORSE than in canon.
- All Might might still have his tru form revealed, but either way he'll be injured and it'll be sad
- By this point the changes will be huge and I can't really guess exactly what would happen.
- I think less students would pass the provisional licence exam, and the eri rescue arc would end with eri going without rescue.
- Assuming no one goes thru the necessary sequence of decisions and has the right timing like Izuku, the cultural festival would be cancelled thanks to gentle n la brava, who’d consequently both be arrested.
- Endeavor redemption/him realising he’s shit n trying to be less shit would happen different bc of todo’s stage of development, and his noumu fight would prolly end Worse.
- BASICALLY, NO SUNSHINE CHILD = NO HAPPINESS FOR ANYONE
- BASICALLY IZUKU IS KEY TO THE CONTINUED HAPPINESS OF ALL YOUR BELOVED BNHA CHARACTERS
thx for coming 2 my ted talk
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