#and i think rn im just not in a good headspace after today so :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

magic-number-3 · 3 years

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Thirty Questions (that aren’t really questions)

Thank you so muh for tagging me @aralisj !! ❤️✨😘This was so fun!!

Name/Nickname: Ellie

Gender: cis female (but like,, cause its convenient. its really more like john mulaney’s “whos to say?”)

Star sign: Gemini (lol)

Height: 5’4”

Time: 12:24 / 6:53 (i did this halfway through and then finished days later, lol)

Birthday: June 2nd

Favorite Bands: AJR, 5SOS, OneRepublic (I’ve also recently discovered Jukebox the Ghost!! but idk much of their stuff)

Favorite Solo Artists: Hozier, Taylor Swift, Harry Styles

I feel like my music tastes are so basic lol but I usually listen to the same 5 songs anyway

Song stuck in my head: Don’t Throw Out My Legos. I’ve been listening to this song SO much lately and its one of my favorite songs, definitely fave song on Neotheater. I think its because it just really applies to where I’m at in life right now. Also Treat People With Kindness has been on repeat for me lately as well!! It just puts in me in a good headspace which is vital during the everything rn

Last film: The Nice Guys (2016) I loved it! It was such a FUN movie like it really goes for just being wild and fun with only a thin facade of realism and yet it really works. And the cinematography is just! *chef’s kiss* Glad my boyfriend talked me into watching it. 100% reccommend to every human!

Last series: The Queen’s Gambit (so good!)

When did I create this blog: 2014(?) im too lazy to figure out if theres a way to check rn lol

What do I post: uhhh idk i dont really have a ‘theme’ or whatever. You tell me!! Mostly fandom stuff (a lot of spn since the finale lol the Brainrot is bad)

Last thing I googled: “Phoebe Tonkin”. I never realized that Hayley Marshall and Cleo(H20) are the same person??? Never watched TVD/Originals tho so that’s on me. But I’ve seen gifsets and it never clicked until today!!

Other blogs: none lmao rip my followers for my bananas content!

Why I chose my url: ‘3 is a magic number’ from school house rock. Why? I am the youngest of triplets so 3 is my lucky number.

Following: 2226... i just like... dont unfollow ppl lmao and probably DO follow a new person like at least once a day

Followers: 624

Average hours of sleep: I swear my body really needs like 10 but i usually get between 4-7 😬 or like 12 if i have time to sleep in. No inbetween. Rip my sleep cycle

Lucky number: 3

Instruments: I did flute in middle/high school (and I sucked!!! But like in a Fun Way lol)

What I’m wearing: leggings and a hoodie thats my sororitys merch lol

Dream job: Film Director (which I am currently pursuing! Fingers crossed!) hopefully screenwriting as well but directing is my main focus

Dream trip: Greece!

Nationality: American

Favorite song: Love Song by Sara Bareilles has been My Song since I was like 8, so I gotta go with that one.

Last book I read: Cinder by Marissa Meyer!! Its also the only book I’ve finished in at least 4 years so go me! It was so good and Im also v proud of myself for finishing it. Got the next one for christmas and I can’t wait to read!

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:

Okay i feel like im just copying @aralisj ‘s answers but they were so good!! And I’m really indecisive. Doctor Who. Sense8 after the happy ending not like, when sensates are being actively tracked down and murdered. Winx Club but mostly because the reboot has had that universe on my mind lately!!! And to clarify I mean the cartoon universe NOT that sad excuse for a reboot lol

I’m tagging @goldenmaknaes @izloveshorses @liamisthesun @isthisanything @blerghfish !! 😊

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velvetsehun · 4 years

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hiiii i've been a follower of yours for quite a while and i absolutely love your writings!!! i hope you don't mind me asking since this question is not related to your blog, but it's my first year of college and now that classes are online because of covid 19, i feel so overwhelmed with my work, like i have so many papers and projects all due in the same week and i feel mentally exhausted and just giving up. i honestly don't know how to deal with this, i was hoping you'd give me some advice? 😭

hello lovely! thank you, im glad you enjoy them, its whats they’re there for ;)

I’d be glad to give you some advice, i understand things are tough right now due to the virus, im obviously a uni student myself rn and i had to work out how to do everything so that i dont cry!

I think the first thing to approaching school is to first of all, take a step back and actually evaluate what it is you have to do - i’ve go 3 essays due the same week as well and the first thing i did was step back, look at the deadlines and then look at the time that i have, its very easy to just see deadlines and think “i have to do all of this right now or it wont get done” which is partly whats overwhelming you! my main factor to planning out work is to put the due day into my google calendar, and then look at the days you have and be realistic with how long it takes to do thing! i’ll write it down in the calendar that way i HAVE to do it. ALSO GIVE YOURSELF AT LEAST A DAY OR TWO BEFORE YOU START!!

It takes me 2-3 days to plan, write and edit an essay (1500-2000 words) and i keep that in mind when i plan, so ill typically dedicate time to each thing i have to do, with a 2-3 day gap in between them! so from today until the 28th, ill be working on an essay, and today specifically ill be making an essay plan and thats all ill do today!

ill plan my essay, breakdown the paragraphs and their contents, find key reading and then ill just leave it for the rest of the day, give your mind some time to process what it is you’re writing, and then tomorrow ill write! i typically do an hour of writing then 45 minute break, and i’ll do a paragraph in an hour! that way im not dedicating 9 hours to just starting at a word doc, im taking breaks inbetween! you’ll stress your mind out just focusing on one thing for hours on end! and after a few hours the essay is written and then ill leave it again!

then on the 28th, ill go in and grammar/word check it, make sure it makes sense and read it over and if i feel like it, ill submit it same day! then after ive done that essay, ill take a 2-3 rest and start something new, that way im not bogging my mind down with everything! it also helps to REFERENCE AS YOU GO PLEASE OMG it makes it so much easier, use a website like citethisforme and you’ll save about an hour!

it get its hard to apply yourself to doing the work in the first place when you’re stuck in the house, but what helps me is getting ready like its a normal day, getting out of pajamas and wearing real people clothes, maybe going for a quick walk outside and then coming back to start your work - that what you’re convincing yourself almost that you’re actually somewhere else and you start to feel a lot less cooped up!

im also someone who cant listen to “loud” music when im writing, so ill literally listen to it on the lowest volume i can still here so that my brain isnt focusing on something else while im trying to write!

here’s an example of what my calendar can look like (i cant show you my actual one since its got personal stuff on it but here’s a good example!):

also! its very important to practice some form of self-care in any break you get! I’m my 45 minute breaks between paragraphs ill make food, ill watch something, maybe write a little, ill talk to someone, ill sometimes just go out into the garden and look around! anything that isnt directly tied to the task im doing so that my break relaxes for a second!

in my longer breaks between days, ill dedicate my time to other things that i have to do or want to do; ill do some yoga, ill write, ill read, ill cook/bake!

Its very easy to just want to give up completely, and i completely understand that, but building a routine can really help you and understanding that you CAN do the work, you ARE capable, and that is IS doable; you just need to breathe and look at things a little differently, your own headspace can become uninhabitable so for a little while take a step out of that, and remember that you are a fully capable human and you have feelings! they can be tricky but once you understand how to manage them it gets better, you arent a bad person for wanting to just give up, you just need a little shove!

I hope this helps! obviously i’m not a professional, i’m just another person, but my own mental health struggles taught me to start doing things another way if i wanted to get better or otherwise im living in a head in which is not meant for living in!

I believe in you okay? and i know fine well that all the virus stuff is making all of us a bit stuck in a rut, we cant cure it but we can show it that we work with it - you’re fully capable and you’re going to do these assignments to the best of your ability!

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silo2020 · 3 years

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hey hey hey!! it's leo, coming at ya live from silo2020 (: not sure how to introduce myself, but i do front often, so i hope you like me. i'll answer some questions, how about that? (questions from @/signalsystm)

First off, who's answering? Tell me a fun (or not fun) fact about yourself.

as said before, it's Leo! Fun fact... i think i'm not that bad at tetris! i still have no clue how to consistently do tspin setups though :thumbs up:

What do you prefer to be called (eg. alters, parts, etc.)? Does this opinion differ throughout your system?

im ok with being called most terms of that sort? i prefer alter or head mate though. Catherine likes to be called an alter, thoigh Rin and Oliver have absolutely no preference (Oliver is actually sorta here rn?? i think he's just tuckered out, poor guy)

What affects you the most on a normal day: depersonalisation, derealization, amnesia, or identity confusion?

oh definitely identity confusion, but depersonalization is second in line

Are you diagnosed/professionally recognised? How do you feel about it, whatever your answer?

we are not profesionales diagnosed, and we'd kinda prefer it stay that way. it feels weird in a way, ya know?? this is not supposed to be taken in any sort of a anti-diagnosis way, just not something we're interested in right now. we have other shit to deal with

Do you know anyone irl with DID/OSDD?

we do!! we've grown apart over the past 2 or so years, but i want to get back into contact.

Who in the system are you closest to (either communication wise or any other way)?

probably catherine! our headspace is a sort of hotel room situation, so i guess in a physical sense oliver is sleeping on the couch right by me, lol. ive kinda taken on the role of catherine's caretaker? i want to see her get happier, and i love seeing her smile (:

How often do you switch on a normal day? What triggers it, if anything?

anywhere from once to about 6 times. usually it's not full switched (some common examples are me being mainly on with rin being sorta there. just a guy being dude, or oliver and catherine). the triggers for me are not super clear, but i think it's something related to a need to protect something, and tetris (:

How do you feel about tools designed for systems/pwOSDDID like pluralkit or simplyplural?

i think they're fine! i don't like the pressure some put on systems to use them, but i think there's nothing inherently wrong with them. we want to start using plural kit but we can't get it to work for some reason

Do any alters have special hobbies or talents the others don't possess?

yup!!! Oliver is pretty good at rhythm games, leo is pretty good at taking criticism and he likes to make drinks and food, and catherine likes candy and cleaning =D

Do any alters have fundementally differing opinions/ideals about anything (eg. politics, religion)?

nah, we are mainly agree on that stuff. i think rin might be look into being pagan??

What's the first experience you had that was a sign you were a system/had DID/OSDD?

when our host (oliver) noticed that he couldn't remember big chunks of his own day, much less a few months ago. after that, i switched a few times, and he came to realize what was going on.

How has DID/OSDD affected your day today?

spent a lot of today scrolling through osdd tags, started a journal to track who's fronting and why, and tried finding systems to talk to 0=

What do you think of system tiktok?

none of us have tiktok! thought if we have to guess?? it's probably a pretty narrow view of the community, which isn't pog.

Very important: how do you about wearing socks in bed?

i hate it!! why???? unless they're aleeping socks, then maybe.

thanks for reading!! youre loved (:

#osdd introduction #osdd alter #actuallyplural #🏷#long post

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survivor-iceland · 4 years

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Ep. 8 - “I’ve got that BDE (Big Dummy Energy)” - Dylan C

Timmy

IT WORKED 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I am so happy, between the idol and this vote, it has been a great night. Idk what the blacklash is going to be from this but it’s fine, it’s all fine and I’m so happy. Also now it’s easier to work with Maynor so I’m so happy ❤️❤️

Raffy

Joseph, Timmy, Stephen, Maynor. They are on my shit list and they will go down, one-by-one.

Maynor

❤️ Jay. I would want to say it here. Cuz i feel like Zoe might be really mad at me. But i am sorry for voting you out but you can fault me for wanting to get rid of the leader of an alliance that didn’t want to work with me to the endgame. If this move gets me voted out next then so be it. Like im glad i was able to pull this out in like a hr. Rewind for the last 24 hours:

Me and Timmy called and i just word vomited plans. He told me they already wanted to split between Joseph and Stephen. We got a rough plan maybe making it a 4-3-3 vote. Then cut to next morning and thinking it over how the votes will land. To Zoe’s blessing, she told me who was voting who for the split. My part one of the plan was to make sure timmy n I were on the stephen vote. Zoe put me on Joseph and i had to make up a lie how i felt bad for voting Joseph cuz he barely started talking to me but i was okay with voting Stephen. It worked and we switched. Then had to convince timmy and he gave me the go ahead cuz he wanted to better his position. So talked to Joseph and was shook that they were splitting the vote and he mentioned voting zoe or john before hand so got him scared/mad about being tricked and potentially being voted out so he was down for the plan. Then went to Stephen and he was down because he knew how shady zoe n john were for lying to him over and over again. (Stupid to not tell him about the sierra vote) and he was down. Then timmy re-assured joseph and the plan stablized. And it was executed perfectly and im so happy that i was able to do it. Its my proudest moment in my org history.

Raffy

I know Timmy was the one who backstabbed Mental Gymnastics because he is the only one who could've told Joseph/Maynor all the information they had to a) pick out a five and b) not trust Ellie or Dylan. Also, Timmy would want to get rid of Zoe because she had an idol and his immunity necklace enabled him to make a risky move. So, he is dead to me at this point. He needs to go next or so help me!

Dylan C

{Novel for after the video} I should've waited and ended that video since Timmy ended up confessing to being the fourth Zoe vote, according to Raffy. Good on him!!! me: who do you think told him [the tea] Raffy: Timmy lol. he admitted it to me in pms eh, so I wasn't the first to tell Joseph then, but whatevs. in theory, if I corroborated what Timmy said then it may seem more credible? I mean, idk what all Timmy would've told him, also Raffy: [is messaging as I type this in a sticky note while waiting for my video confessional to upload, time: 12:32 am EST] Raffy: "He's a backstabber and a liar and a rat | So I'm not trusting him anymore." Hm, time to play this angle and have some fun with it, I guess. Maybe Raffy knows I'm full of shit, to him, too. Or not, since I haven't been online most of the day for people to find that out. Me: "Jesus. Why the fuck would he even do that" Raffy: "I truly, honestly do not know" So the million dollar question: is this a two way bullshit street or just the one way. Driving down it either way. I'll find out eventually. Me: "Wow. Like, it’s dumb, too. Why betray and alliance that would put you in a solid position?" Raffy: "Like they don't even have a majority right now | I'm just dumbfounded" Me: "me too, I don't understand" Either this is all true or it isn't fuck if I can confirm. Guess I'll talk around and uhhhh actually talk genuine game to people and kick my shit up a notch?? Like I'm exaggerating here and pretending to be shocked at something that wasn't fucking shocking at all if you have goddamn eyes? Is Raffy doing the same??? idk!!!! Timmy was gonna be the first person I messaged today had I actually, yk, done that Me, to Timmy: "so Raffy has outright said he wants to get you out" Timmy: "Yeaaaa that’s what it sounds like in my pms | I’m sorry I kind of destroyed the alliance" Me: "I would've done the same if I had been in any sort of game-oriented headspace today" God, my confessionals are gonna feel lackluster once I send ones that aren't me "liveblogging" shit as it happens Also, bless Timmy bc after that message he expressed concern and I was like "lol no I was just Distracted" Can I just say that I hate that Raffy is apparently right, assuming everything I've been told is true, about who didn't vote for Zoe? Kinda wanted hi to get some of it wrong and then have one of those people wind up in his Secret Chat bc that's got some spicy ass potential. Me? About to spill nearly Everything I'm feeling to Timmy as well? It's more likely than you think!

Dylan C

So I’ve got that BDE (Big Dummy Energy) and forgot to circle back to EoE in the video. Which is on brand since I’ve been forgetting about it all game. Basically I hope Zoe doesn’t come back from it. I’d rather Jack wndnsksbx. That’s assuming no one else returns from EoE. I think Jack and Zoe are the most likely to, though. Raffy asking me who I think we should align with in the future? Who we should trust? Akdjsjjdbdakdjsb BOYO. If this is all genuine, I’m gonna go feral.

Stephen

https://drive.google.com/file/d/164JnDqAVkXgT2ERZmwiZeT3IjANBi7DS/view?usp=drivesdk

Joseph Collins

I can’t wait to see what Ellie has to say in the morning. Who I thought was my biggest ally. She was blindsided by that vote too. I wonder how she’ll defend herself. Ulfur is dead to me. Except for raffy.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/g0LLDO9uetU

Maynor

Raffy is really pissed and wants me gone. If not timmy. It is his fault. Treating people like they were nothing but a vote to use and then disregard when no longer needed. He literally said that about ellie n keith. And probably thought the same about me too. But its funny. He underestimated me. Like just cuz a vote doesnt go your way doesnt mean you have to be salty and bitter. Like i understand him being mad. But sayjng wanting to be in the loop next time but like dude you didnt have me in the loop so like fair is fair. He really thought i wasnt someone to keep an eye on cause of ratuma. Im a very dangerous player and he got hit with the hard reality that other people are here to play and not to hand him an easy win. Take a seat raffy.

Raffy

I created the Shhh alliance as a way to regain some control in this game. It's made up of John, Dylan, Ellie, Keith, and I. It's everyone who was left out of the loop during the last vote. The other side has another thing coming. They can go on and say that there is no sides or alliance, but they created a division when they decided to keep people out of the loop. Throughout the day, Joseph and Ellie have been talking privately with both of them feeding information to me about their conversation. Apparently, they are both very angry with each other as Joseph felt Ellie's betrayal on a personal level. He thinks she knew about the split vote and I confirmed it for him even though that is not true. So, I basically enabled and egged on a feud between two people I am close with so that I can play the middle. In this way, I can create a situation that empowers me in this game. However, I want both of them to stay a little longer so that their fued can be the centerpiece as I fade into the background, manipulating both of them. If I had to choose, I would pick Ellie over Joseph because I trust her more to tell me the truth and take me to the end. Timmy and Maynor still want to work with me, but I am serving as a double agent. Everything they tell me will go to my alliance. Right now, I want Maynor gone because he made the move to blindside.

Dylan C

Raffy saying I’m “carrying the integrity of this season on my back” is so funny skdjsjscnskcbsj

Dylan C

me, on the touchy subjects call for the second round: I have no idea what to put for some of these, and I feel like I'm gonna get a ton wrong

Jay: I can just copy your answers for you from the first round me: yeah okay but let me modify a few (read: like, 3) me: [wins] what the fuck

Joseph Collins

So. Here we are, immunity belongs to Dylan. I have no idea who my allies are. The people I thought were the closest to me, were only close so they could twist the knife in my back. I would be surprised if I survived this tribal and I think people might only be keeping me until eoe is over

John

so i’m the villain AND people think i’m going to win if i get to the end? i’m honestly kinda screwed rn hahahahaha this isn’t looking good. people want me out. i know they do. i gotta do something.

Raffy

I think I might just be in the best and most dangerous position in this game. Everyone, seemingly, wants to work with me. Everyone, seemingly, wants me as their ally. And touchy subjects revealed that everyone thinks of me as their closest. This is good. This means, for now, I am in control of the vote, but I don't like being in this position for subsequent tribals. It has to come down to who I think will keep me here the longest

Maynor

Tonight is a scary night for me. John is hard core voting me tonight and i believe Raffy is too. I know for sure we have 4 votes of me timmy joseph n stephen. I want to believe that keith and dylan are in the vote too on my side. So should probably be like a 6-3 vote. And im hoping because im really scared. I dont want to go home tonight. Like ive been playing so hard to go home over people who are petty.

Raffy

Joseph wants John out bad. Like, he's pitching to everyone that John should go. I don't know whether that's Maynor or anyone else in his ear, but that's very threatening for my game. So the Shhh alliance is planning on blindsiding him. Everyone in the alliance is going to vote Joseph, while we tell people that we are targeting Maynor because of his hand in Zoe's elimination. I want to get rid of Joseph so bad! I hope he doesn't play an idol.

Raffy

People are eating out of my fucking hand this round. I don't feel safe or comfortable, but, from what I am hearing, everything is going well. Everyone in Shhh is down for a Joseph vote, and the plan for telling people it's Maynor is a go. Maynor is telling me all about Zoe's side alliances as if I didn't already know about them from the beginning. However, I am starting to build a relationship with Maynor because it is best for my game to do so. I could either pretend that I vote for John during this round, or I can say that I heard it was Joseph but that I couldn't tell him cause I thought they were close. The second argument works because it also reveals that I voted Joseph and convinced people to do so in order to save him which I am sure he'd be grateful for. Either way, I think this plan is going well, and I'll be alive by the end of this round.

John

i honestly do not know where joseph’s comfortable attitude came from. at all. he is literally the natalie bolton of the season. a complete non entity until the third merge episode. i hope he goes.

Raffy

I'm smack in the middle between these two sides, and I am pitting them against each other. Hopefully it doesn't bite me in the ass tonight

John

so tonight will test the new five: myself, raffy, ellie, dylan, and keith. joseph is claiming he's voting for maynor, but since he lies out his teeth every five seconds, we know he is not doing that. most likely he is voting for me, since my name has been thrown around since zoe's blindside. basically put, we gonna pray tonight.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/YT7O8PdGqek

Keith

Well its been a super busy couple of days. I have been travelling. 3 flight two stopovers later when I saw tribal. It was nothing less than a shock to see zoe got voted out.

Fast forward.... now there is a split. 5 to 4 I realised after being matching up all the messages after being in four different zones. That maynor actually tried to get me on board with the flip. Though i knew i wouldnt do it then cause i wouldnt vote for zoe. But maybe i could have gone for a different person. And as i always knew. Im always behind in the game and now its really more visible than ever. Tonight hopefully I am making a move. But its not motivated by the fact the need somethinf on my resume. Its more about trying to have some traction in the game. Or there isnt even a point tryin to get to the end. P.S this is the first time so close to tribal i am still getting a feeling that I am about to get blindsided. Hopefully it doesnt happen

Joseph Collins

Too. Many. Liars. Lol. Dylan’s saying this. Raffy’s saying that. Dylan’s saying that raffys saying this. And raffys saying that Dylan’s saying that. I hate that I have to wait until after tribal to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth StephenSo me and Keith finally talked, he seems cool id like to work with him, but according to maynor hes in league with john, and i do not like the sound of that one bit no sir. So, its time for john to go, hes just too intense, raffy too but at least i know raffy a bit more, john is... so shady. I hope he goes.

Raffy

I am at the bottom. So that sucks. It means that no one is going to trust me and I should just chill and hope I win immunity

Dylan C

Ellie just gave me a rundown about what happened on the tribe call, and she said she was crying and now I feel bad. I wasn't involved in the call so I didn't really feel much surrounding the vote, but now I feel really bad

Maynor

I am living my best life. Like my plan of voted off zoe thag happened within an hr, has really changed the game. The people who were in the majority has really crumpled and gone back to back. I honestly can say im really proud of this game and people cant say i didnt do anything in this game. I single handledly made a final10 vote into a 4-3-3. Im playing hard amd playing to win. Lets hope i can make it to the end. Honestly i cam say that i may not be getting zoe’s or john’s vote if i do make it.

Ellie

I’m on the bottom, but right now I’m focusing on myself before I’m focusing on the game and I feel like that is the best thing I can do right now. If I go, at least I’ll be at peace with myself

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