#and it wasn't a wish i let myself fully indulge bc i genuinely genuinely did not want to chance a thing

[forestofsprites]

:]]

#how many times can a guy say that they're so damn happy to be alive before they get imploded #because #i'm so damn happy to be alive #i still can't believe that i'm here #and this is real #and i've moved out #and i'm doing all these things that i never ever thought i'd be able to do #when i was dying i was okay #but you can't Not think about everything you wish you could do #mainly it was the little things #that i'd fall asleep with an open window blowing a breeze on me as i slept. that i'd a) wake up but b) see the sky #or that i'd get the chance to finally move my lego flowers to the correct bookshelf shelf #but it was also the hope that This would happen #and it wasn't a wish i let myself fully indulge bc i genuinely genuinely did not want to chance a thing #for all the stress and the hecticness of all of this #i just can't believe it's real #and it's happened #and i made it #i get to do those things i thought i'd never get the chance to do again #if this all goes to shit again next year bc at some point i will relapse and it will happen again #i think i'll be much more at peace #just knowing that i got my chance to be away and to feel like a human #i didn't think this would ever ever ever happen #especially not during the april calamity of 2023 #i'm just so happy #i keep smiling at absolutely everything #i think i've accidentally been flirting with people bc i've just got the chance to be kind and talk and get to know folks #and i just ! can't believe it #i really can't #:]

[stillyour-sweetheart]

Hi <3 I came across some of your old posts about heartbreak. I am going through something similar and have been feeling down lately. Your feed feels so welcoming and warm :-) How did you find healing and peace?

Awe, hello there! First of all, thank you so much for liking my feed and for taking the time to send me a message. Secondly, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through… I know how much this hurts. It’s like a pain that can’t be described. It’s a pain that I wouldn’t want to wish upon any of my enemies. It really, really hurts. You know, it’s funny (in a very sad and ironic way). So the heartbreak and guy that you’re referring to happened more than a year ago already. Within that timeframe, I happened to find someone new about 6 months later (this was totally by chance bc I wasn't even looking!) We dated for 6 almost 7 months, and he just recently broke up with me around 2 weeks ago. I hope that makes sense, I know it sounds really convoluted. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I’m experiencing heartbreak all over again, but with a different person. It feels fresh – again. 

Unfortunately, I can’t say that it gets any easier the more you go through it. Each relationship is so different and you learn so many things. It feels terrible to feel like ‘the one’ has slipped through your fingers. It’s hard to readjust to live on your own again and to build yourself back with the now broken pieces. Some things that I’ve found that do help are being honest with your struggles and reaching out to your support system. People who can fill your cup with genuine love. Your cup will feel empty right now because you won’t have the energy to fill it up yourself. I have been talking to a lot of my friends about the way that I feel. I’ve reached out to my sister, something that I’ve always wanted to do and failed to do last time. Each person comes and listens and gives advice and different perspectives, but they all do so lovingly and with tact. I find this helpful. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by a really good and close-knit support system made up of people that I trust with my life. I utilized that because I’m the type of person who needs to talk to someone, I can’t bottle things up. It hurts more to be in my head. Surround yourself with love. Try not to equate yourself with the love that has left, but the love that still continues to surround you.  

Other things that help (as cliché as this sounds) are just keeping yourself busy/distracted. Put out your emotions and make them into something tangible. Do you like art? To draw? Do it. Do you like coffee? Go out and get some. Have you been meaning to clean your room? Check out that vintage store? Or listen to that new album? Do it! Now is a good time to fully indulge in the things that you’ve been pushing to the side for whatever reason. Fully immerse yourself in them (this is assuming that none of them are unhealthy of course). 

But even with that being said, don’t ignore how you feel either. Don’t be SO distracted that you push all your feelings aside. FEEL THEM! Cry! Be MAD! Be confused! Sometimes I’ll just sit on the couch at the end of the day, and simply cry. The feeling of wanting to cry comes out of nowhere, but I allow myself to do it. I cry and I feel my whole face wet, and then I continue to sit. And the feeling moves on. It comes in waves. Expect to feel not in control of them, and let them come and go as they please. 

I don’t know if any of this was helpful or not… I’m so sorry that I wrote so much. But one last thing I do want to tell you and emphasize is this: every relationship is made up of two IMPERFECT people. NO ONE person is to blame for the end of it. Each person shows up with the insecurities and shortcomings they have and hope to make things work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean there wasn’t love. It doesn’t mean that your efforts and feelings are invalidated. I think that’s one of the hardest things for me to believe – that the love was real even though the results tell me otherwise. Every ending of a relationship I get so fixated on the fact that I hope that the guy regrets, and this is something you won’t know (unless for some reason they come back saying it). However, something I CAN tell you for SURE is that whether they regret or not, they won’t ever find another YOU. Why? Because there is only ONE you. Take comfort in that and be proud of yourself and who you are because in that sense, you are irreplaceable. Does that make sense? You bring to the table strengths, history, weaknesses, etc. that no one else can. And they will realize this. 

Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I really do wish I could help take your pain away, especially because I know how much it hurts. Just know that you will and can get through this. You will shine even brighter than before and in that way, your love will also emulate that when you decide to love again. I’m here for you if you need anything else! And thanks for reading and entrusting me with your message <3 

#ask #anon #reply