#and its costing me a fuckton of money!!!!!!!!!!! that i dont have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scattered-winter]

seeing everyone get super emotional abt the pjo teaser today has been. a surreal experience for sure

#i WANT to be happy about it and i WANT to be emotional about it but i am just so god damn tired. im so tired. #im not even physically tired most of the time but i am Tired. you know #trying to get a job. absolutely cannot. trying to go to class. too tired to even pay attention when im there. #trying to do homework. too tired to focus on it when i do it. gonna fail more classes and to be perfectly fucking honest #i might just drop out. #i dont know what im doing here!!!!! im getting a degree for nothing!!!! im wasting time and money by being here!!!!!! #if i knew what i wanted to do and how to get there that would be one thing but im literally only here because idk where else to go #and its costing me a fuckton of money!!!!!!!!!!! that i dont have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and i am just so god damn tired. #i dont want to drop out because i dont know what to do if i did. #i cant live with my parents i Cant. its ok to do that short term but its suffocating after a while. #i cant be the person i want to be with them yk. #but i dont know where the hell else im supposed to go!!!!! i dont think im meant to be here but i dont know where else i need to be!!!!!!! #i dont fucking know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and i am just so fucking tired. so god damn exhausted at all times of the day. #like im being so fr right now i dont know what im doing here and every moment of indecision is costing me more money #im not gonna be able to pay for my second semester but i cant get a job and i dont even know what im doing here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #because im just here because you go to college after high school its what you do!!!!!!!! #i didnt choose to be here!!!!!!!!!!! i just went with the flow and now its costing me and i am broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so broke!!!!! #someone please put me into a coma rn i am being so fr. i am being SO fr. #i want to. quit college. and go work somewhere. just a job. no more school. i dont wanna do this anymore. #hrrhhghghghhhhhh #winter speaks #personal #anyway i am slightly afraid lol because not even the pjo show can make me feel excited + happy about something #despite it being nearest and dearest to me. im just too goddamn tired. #i am not gonna lie guys losing one of my friends at the beginning of the semester has had an Effect (tm) #lol. lmaooooooo even. #there's a girl in one of my classes who looks just like her so thats sooo fun. thats great. #fucked up how grief just grows on you like moss. it doesnt leave.

[dynamicks]

having responsibilities with adhd really is just having the dread of the tasks consume your entire mind body and spirit just so you eventually end up doing it. because if you dont let it do that, you wont do it. its too much. its no wonder i was depressed and didnt find life worth living when i was in school. to do anything i had to be miserable all the time. life ceases to become about just life. it just becomes about "not failing," "not getting a bad grade," having all your thoughts and emotions surround the things that dont make you happy. even when you try to distract yourself with other things in life, the dread is still there if there's still something to be done (it never ends in school). your entire life ceases to become just life, it becomes all about dreaded tasks. the simple things dont make you feel relief or gratefulness anymore. the stress and dread taints it all. things that make you happy just dont have the same effect because youre so wrapped up in the misery. the only way to do anything with adhd: misery.

#i need to wait a month to get evaluated.... #its ok i made it all these years i can take a month #dynamicks #if i prioritized being sane when i was in school. i wouldnt have the great grades i do now. #yeah sure “everyone” suffers and “wants to die” in school. but everyone just kept fucking going. #i was legitimately falling behind and neglecting other aspects in school that others were just doing like no problem #they move on quickly. meanwhile i legitimately could not fucking move on quickly with shit. #now theyre all in grad school. and im 3 years behind them #i havent been studying hard for GRE like im supposed to be and its happening in mere days #it costs so much fucking money but i dont want to feel miserable anymore #i dont want to make the dread of that test destroy me mentally like school has for years #i think im just gonna let myself take the fucking L on that. even if it costs a fuckton of money. i want to protect myself now. #i went through too much.

[chimeofthecomet]

This isn't a negative judgement at all but i dont understand HOW some people are seeing newsiesuk 4+ times like ik transportation was the biggest cost for me but even if you live there thats still a fuckton of money what do you do to have that much??? I JUST SAW SOMEONE ON TWITTER THAT ITS THEIR EIGHTEENTH?!!?

#newsies #newsies uk #uksies

[bigskydreaming]

Tbh, my policy on pirating is pretty simple. I honestly dont give a fuck one way or another w/movies, TV shows and even comic books, bc the former two have managed to account for pirating in the way they pad their expenses and tbqh they dont really hurt for it. And with comic books, okay if you pirate indie or creator owned content you kinda suck, not gonna lie, you have NO idea the kind of effort and upfront costs that go into producing comic books without Marvel or DC backing you up, not until you actually try it. Its obscene. Especially if you’re not able to do all the art AND story AND inking/lettering/coloring yourself, and have to either pay other members of your self-assembled creative team upfront or on the backend. 

And this includes comic books published by Image (at least the ones without big name creators attached), because contrary to popular belief, Image has nothing to do with assembling the creative teams of most of their creator owned books, and they certainly don’t pay them any kind of wages or salaries. The way Image is set up is creators basically submit a complete first issue, all the art, inking, lettering, coloring, everything already done, to see if they’re interested in publishing. 

(Technically, you only have to submit the first eight pages in order to get a response, and theoretically its possible that Image has in the past greenlit books based on the first eight pages of the book, which then allows the creators some leverage in convincing the entirety of their creative team to put in the upfront work to complete the rest of the first issue still without payment, but at least trusting now that their work will see publication, but like, this doesn’t really happen much from anything I’ve ever seen or heard or experienced).

Anyway, point being, Image takes submissions and then greenlights the books they see as potentially profitable, but again....they in no way ever pay creators themselves. Creators only make money via the actual sales of their books, once published and distributed by Image...and only AFTER Image takes their cut, which is a flat fee deducted from the sales of individual issues. Its actually a good thing in some ways, that they only take a flat fee (their cut is for publishing and distribution costs, Image NEVER owns any part of the intellectual property they publish, unless they’re part of their ‘shared Image universe’ which tbh is just like, publisher Erik Larsen’s little sandbox for him and his friends and who even cares, those books suck, Savage Dragon is lame, Erik, and everyone knows Shadowhawk was a blatant rip-off of Darkhawk, and look, I love Darkhawk with all my New Warriors fanboying heart, but of all the characters in the world to rip-off, who the fuck considers Darkhawk worth being derivative of? So weird. BUT I DIGRESS. ANYWAY.) 

So in some senses the fact that they only ever take a flat rate is good, because in the rare cases of runaway books that really take off, the way Invincible and The Walking Dead were back when Robert Kirkman was still a no-name indie creator, like...the creator has the potential to make BANK. Which is exactly what Kirkman did, and why he’s now every-fucking-where, ruining all our other faves like who the fuck thought HIM producing a Chronicles of Amber show was a good idea, ewww. He’s gonna dial up the incest to 100, isn’t he? Sigh. UGH WHOOPS ANOTHER DIGRESSION, LOL YOU SEE WHY MY ADHD MEDS ARE ESSENTIAL, I ASSUME. 

Ahem. 

BUT in most cases, the fact that Image takes a flat fee off the top is like....shitty, because the last I heard - and tbf, this was years ago so its probably not the same anymore, but that means it could be worse - it was something like $2000 per issue. Which means the vast majority of indie creators you’ve never heard of before or after they published a six issue mini or whatever through Image never saw a cent. I’ve never heard of Image putting anyone in debt, like that’s not how they work at least - if your book doesn’t even make up to $2000, its not like you owe them for the remainder, but again, you just....never make a cent off it. So like....the reason a fuckton of Image books never make it past issue #6, if they even make it that far, is that the creators literally just can’t afford to keep producing out of pocket, financing the actual creative production costs of each issue themselves without making any profit on the backend, if they’re not ending up selling more than $2000 worth of issues once on the shelves, physical or digital).

So don’t fucking pirate Image comic books, plz. Just don’t do it. Unless they’re Erik Larsen’s. Pirate away, who gives a fuck, I hate that guy. LOLOLOL I’m such a petty asshole, ugh. Whatever. I blame my childhood.

ANYWAY. As I was saying, I don’t really give a shit about pirating from Marvel or DC, which maybe is bad of me because its not like those creators necessarily make bank either, unless they’re one of Marvel/DC’s faves and like, have their pick of titles at any given moment. But the way most of them are paid is Marvel and DC pay their creators actual salaries based on rates per page, and then Marvel/DC keep all the actual royalties themselves. The only exceptions to this are when issues sell more than 50,000 copies - that’s 50,000 individual copies of physical or digital issues, not $50,000 worth of sales like with Image. Once a creative team’s book sells more than 50,000 copies of a single issue however, THEN they start getting a cut of the royalties, as like a bonus incentive type thingie. But tbh, its pretty rare in today’s market for a book to move that many issues monthly, and only the top sellers of both companies end up in that rarefied air....and most of those books’ creative teams are the favored writers/artists anyway, the ones who have a degree of job security and never tend to lack for titles to shift to after ending a run on one book. Sooooo, they’re kinda the reverse of the creators who could actually use a cut of their books’ back end profits, but whatever.

So like I said, fuck Marvel and DC, like...corporately or whatever. Of course there’s no doubt that pirating has some definite correlation to how few books are able to move 50,000 issues monthly, but both companies have always been notoriously shitty to creators, and that’s not pirating’s fault, and less pirating honestly isn’t going to change that b/c the ones to benefit from less pirating first and foremost are still going to be the same ones who aren’t really that hurt by it currently....loooooooong before the lower rung creators start to see an uptick in profits as a result. And let’s be real, if Marvel & DC suddenly started seeing a surge in profits due to a marked reduction in piracy, they’d find some excuse to shift payment structures around again in order to still keep a lion’s share of the new profits while cutting the lower rung creators (read: new/just starting out/niche/lacking leverage creators) out of seeing much additional profits. Because the problem with creators making money off Marvel and DC IPs isn’t really pirating, its Marvel and DC not wanting to share the money made off their IPs, even with the people most responsible for those IPs generating revenue.

That’s the part of the pirating convo that most people miss, IMO....a rising tide just DOESN’T lift all boats, if one or two boats in particular are specially designed to make the most of any tiny uptick in a rising tide while all the other boats are made of the leftover shoddy materials and are undermanned or understaffed or whatever and can’t actually DO anything productive with any of the lift generated by the rising tide.

And if that made no sense, eh, idk, don’t blame me. Its not my metaphor.

ANYWAY. So that’s why I don’t really give a shit about pirated movies or TV shows or Marvel or DC books, though I do still think you suck if you pirate indie content including lesser known Image creators. You guys have srsly no idea how much harder indie comic book creators have to work compared to like, any other medium. It makes me wanna cry. Its ridiculous. It would take too long to explain just WHY its so much more of an ordeal/effort to produce indie comic book content than just about any other form of indie content save like, running an entire webshow with one or two people wearing all the hats while funding everything out of pocket and overseeing everything production wise and also being a key creator involved in creating the actual content.

BUT as I was saying in the last post, pirating novels is an ENTIRELY different thing, and I have vastly more opinions there than I do with other mediums. Because the publishing industry was designed to exploit and capitalize off the intellectual properties of INDIVIDUALS, unlike all those other mediums that are inherently collaborative and thus usually involve the combined efforts of several to dozens of people.

So at the end of the day, individual authors will ALWAYS suffer more from pirating, looooooong before publishing companies ever feel a ding in their profits. Because they designed it that way. Specifically SO that they, the big companies, would be protected. Its set up so that individual creatives, the authors, NEED publishing companies more than publishers need any singular author. Obviously the rise of indie publishing has changed this somewhat, but not as much as you might think.....because the thing is, indie authors are really only successful and profitable by the grace of Amazon. By the fact that Amazon can afford to pay authors 70 percent royalties on any sale as opposed to traditionally published authors who are lucky to get a ten to fifteen percent royalty rate on sales, with them not even seeing a cent of those royalties until AFTER their advance has already been paid back, if they ever even sell enough to make that happen at all.

And so like....its a very dangerous, precarious, and not at all trustworthy situation that allows for indie authors to CURRENTLY be profitable in ways or to degrees that a lot of traditionally published authors can’t be. 

But that’s only because Amazon is taking a loss on most of the books they publish, due to this payment model. Because Amazon CAN. They can afford it. They make enough from all their other departments and revenue streams to buttress those losses. And Amazon has been using this, and using indie authors, to leverage traditional publishers into giving up more and more of THEIR profits from THEIR books, by giving Amazon even steeper discounts on the books they distribute to them, to be sold to consumers by Amazon.

And again, like I said before, its the individual creators, the bottom rung authors, who take the hits here first and in the biggest ways, because it remains true that the publishers have designed their payment structures so as to use the profits of individual authors to compensate for their own dip in profits.

And Amazon isn’t doing any of this for the little guy’s benefit. They don’t care about giving indie authors a leg up, an alternative to tradition publishers. They only care about CURRENTLY making indie authors need traditional publishers less than trad publishers need them, for a change.....but ONLY so that Amazon can rake in the increase in profits first and foremost.

Because here’s the kicker. The thing I worry too many indie authors and readers don’t account for.

INDIE AUTHORS STILL NEED AMAZON MORE THAN AMAZON NEEDS THEM.

Amazon is VOLUNTARILY taking losses on their book sales, and have been almost from the start. Because they don’t NEED that department in particular to be profitable for them NOW. They’ve been angling for a long time to get as close to an actual monopoly on the book market as is possible under current free market laws. So the thing is....unlike traditional publishers....Amazon doesn’t need ANY indie authors OR sales. Like, AT ALL. They could shut down their entire indie book model tomorrow, and not really be any worse off for it.

And the second Amazon doesn’t need indie authors even as LEVERAGE to pry more profits out of traditional publishers....you better believe that 70 percent royalty rate is going to vanish literally overnight. Because there’s absolutely nothing in Amazon’s business model or legal obligations to indie authors that requires they maintain it, or protects indie authors from having it suddenly dropped to a five percent royalty rate at Amazon’s whim.

So the second the scales tip far enough that Amazon decides they really don’t need or want to milk anything else out of traditional publishers, they’ve gotten as much of a price cut or a monopoly as they’re going to get or want to get without forcing publishers (and by extension their own ready made product that Amazon then distributes) out of business.....Amazon is going to quite happily STOP taking a loss on the sales of all these indie titles, and say well, we don’t need you as much now, so we’re gonna just give you ten percent royalties, take it or leave it. Its not like you have any better options at this point.

So whether traditionally published or indie published, pirating books hurts individual creators in very real, tangible ways that creators in other mediums aren’t affected, or are supplemented or buttressed against.

I say all this not to guilt anyone, but simply to provide information. Because there’s always so much discourse going back and forth around legality of pirating and ethics of pirating and so much stuff that’s not even consequential or relevant if people don’t even understand the MECHANICS of how pirating affects various mediums. So they can then make INFORMED choices on how they feel about pirating certain content versus other content.

As I was saying at the start of all of this....I have my own personal stance on pirating, and I don’t expect it or need it to be anyone else’s personal model. Like I said, I don’t really care about other mediums, and when it comes to novels, I’m against it as much as possible, but with caveats. Lots of people, including authors, describe novels as luxury items, and as such say that nobody’s justified in taking one for their own personal entertainment just because they WANT it. I differ from that POV because I honestly don’t consider books a luxury. I consider them to be absofuckinglutely as essential to the survival and THRIVING of the human condition as food or rest. Far more so than TV or movies, which not everyone has access to, or finds as easily accessible. Bottom line.....I fall in the category of arguing that its not enough just to survive. People have to have reason to survive, to live. Things to look forward to. Things to enjoy. Feeding the human spirit, as cheesy or whatthefuckever as that sounds, is every bit as essential as feeding the body. I would not have survived my childhood without books. I would not have survived my twenties without books. Hell, I would not have survived this YEAR without books.

So, even as an author myself, and yes, I have written stuff that’s been pirated (I made a fairly decent living for a couple years as a self-published indie author of m/m erotica and m/m erotic romance short stories, novellas and novels, and those particular genres/markets get the SHIT pirated out of them. So trust me, I am VERY much putting my money where my mouth is on this subject).

But yes, even as an author myself, I have zero problem with people pirating stuff because they honestly, truly legit can not afford it otherwise. Its not a lost sale. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. It doesn’t mean you still don’t need, let alone deserve, to have something to take your mind off your poverty, your stresses, your issues. And even if you technically have the money to afford a book, I’m well aware that doesn’t always mean you ACTUALLY have the money to afford it in any meaningful way. If you have five bucks to spend for the day, and a choice between a book and a bagel, or like, an actual sandwich and drink, that’s not a fucking choice that ANYONE should have to make. Use that five dollars to buy yourself a fucking sandwich and just pirate the book, I say. You can pay it forward when you get the chance. You find yourself with more money at a later point, by all means, go back and buy a legit copy of that book, your money’s still good then, and having had that book to enjoy at an earlier, more stressful time in your life might very well have contributed in even the tiniest of ways to you getting to a place where you had better finances and more spending money.

Yes, obviously, I am a big fan and proponent of libraries, and I think you should always go there first, if possible, to get your free literary content. Libraries are great, and they have a LOT more content, and more of a range of content, then a lot of people realize.

I am however aware that libraries are not necessarily practical for everyone. Sometimes you just plain can’t get to one, you have transportation or mobility issues or live in a household where your reading habits or interests are frowned upon or even penalized, because sometimes, parents are awful. Sometimes libraries just don’t have the content you’re looking for. Content is subjective, depends on staff, geography, community. LGBTQ+ kids shouldn’t have to risk being seen looking through the LGBTQ+ section of the library or checking out a book, if they’re not out at home or school or in their community. By all means, I would much rather a kid in that situation pirate the fuck out of their comforting, soul-sustaining LGBTQ+ themed books than risk upsetting a currently safe and secure status quo. Again, just pay it forward when and if you can, at a later date. And so on and so forward.

BUT, again, there’s caveats there, because with books, I consider it a case by case basis, and the case in question is the individual consumer. The above scenarios IMO are based entirely on the genuine, sincere situation of not being able to afford a book in any practical way, and not having a library as a valid option for getting that or any book.

This is an entirely different situation from HAVING the spending money, and being perfectly capable of dropping five bucks on a book versus five bucks on one of those much-talked-about-in-pirating-convos Starbucks’ lattes that you don’t NEED any more than anyone supposedly NEEDS to read a particular book. 

If you CAN afford to pay full price for a book without dipping into funds intended for other practical necessities or hurting or even inconveniencing you in any meaningful way, if you CHOOSE to pirate a book you can access or download through legal channels with just as much ease as you can pirate it...(again, I’m aware that due to bullshit territory laws, not all content is legally available in all areas at all times, and this isn’t what I’m talking about).

I’m talking about if you’re NOT in a bad - not just slightly uncomfortable - but BAD, financially tight, thrifty, constantly stressed situation where its honestly a Sophie’s fucking Choice trying to decide if you’re gonna shell out your money for the sequel you’ve been waiting on pins and needles for for a fucking year and its been the only thing getting you through some days....or if you’re gonna like, eat today....

THAT’S when I have no patience for your piracy, specifically. Not when it comes to novels and the bottom lines of individual, hard-working authors, most of whom have to spend their lunch hours or come home after work to soak their blood, sweat and tears into the manuscript that becomes the book you just pirated. I know what I said about indie comic book creators having it so much more fucking tough than anyone else knows or realizes, but that doesn’t mean that midlist and lower than that authors don’t work DAMN fucking hard on their product, even after working forty hour weeks at some minimum wage job that’s every bit as soul-crushing as the worst job you’ve ever held.

And you’re not a fucking rebel or revolutionary if you’re taking money out of THEIR pocket, when you don’t need it yourself, just because you can. You’re not sticking it to the man, or teaching greedy capitalist publishing pigs the error of their ways. They don’t care, and you’re just being a dick.

Entitlement isn’t always a bad thing, I believe, because we ARE all entitled to certain things. A broke, disabled person with transportation issues and disability benefits that aren’t even enough to cover their actual living expenses is IMO every bit as ENTITLED as anyone else to a nice, stress-free, enjoyable read they picked out because it was precisely what they were looking for and not because it was the only thing out of ten available options that looked halfway decent. I will never ever judge or condemn or disparage someone for pirating in a scenario even REMOTELY close to that.

But that doesn’t mean that gratuitous entitlement doesn’t always exist, and isn’t obnoxious as fuuuuuuuuuuck. You’re not entitled to whatever you want, whenever you want, for as little as you feel like paying for it, just because you WANT it. And just because you can GET it, consequence free. If THAT’S the defining motivation or influence behind pirating the debut novel of a single mom working sixty hours a week to support her kids PLUS hanging onto her dreams and pounding out her novel over the course of a year and a half on her lunch hour.....then yeah, you fucking suck, and you know it, you whiny little shit who identifies with this paragraph and goes "who me? YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE!” Yeah, I do. We all know someone like you. You’re not special.

Just like I know that author profile I just described there was not grabbed out of my ass, but describes someone very real and not at all embellished, and she’s not even the author I know in the most stressful scenario-whilst-writing. She certainly wouldn’t even consider herself in the Top Ten. And her publisher passed on the option for her sophomore novel, because her much-pirated book never made back the $25,000 advance she was paid over the course of three installments, which meant after taxes, she got an extra $10,000 bucks spread out among three eight month intervals, or just under two years.

So yeah. That’s where I fall. Soundly in the same camp I fall in most things: Actions have consequences, and you should always make an effort to be informed on what those consequences are before deciding whether or not you take action.

Let’s be real, no one’s effectively policing whether or not every individual consumer on the web pirates casually, extensively, or religiously, if at all. Its not likely EVER going to be an issue for you. That someone can actually keep you from pirating because you’re genuinely afraid of legal consequences.

But you shouldn’t need the threat of legal consequences, the question of can I get away with this or not, to police your own actions.

And at the risk of giving anyone whiplash, I for sure don’t give a fuck about the legality of taking away from the bottom line of massive, multi-million dollar corporate interests if I can get away with it. I’m just as entitled to keeping my five bucks that I worked DAMN FUCKING HARD FOR, as the people most likely to see that money even though they didn’t log a single actual hour on producing the content they’re charging five bucks for, IMO. I’m perfectly aware there’s a shit ton of people who’d call that rationale self-serving bullshit and hypocritical, but bite my lily-white Irish ass, I don’t give a fuck. I’m comfortable with my own morality.

But part of the reason I’m comfortable with my own morality, is that it tells me that even though there are times when I think I’m entitled to certain things I can’t necessarily afford, there are also times when I know I’m NOT entitled to things I may just not WANT to afford. Any time you’re able to justify ALWAYS having things your way without it ever costing you any kind of concession, I think that’s usually a good sign it might be time to stop and take a second look at yourself. Nobody gets to have everything their own way, to their best liking, all of the time.

But the flip side of that coin IMO, is that nobody should be penalized to NEVER having anything their own way, to their liking, ANY of the time. And if that’s the situation you’re in at some point in your life, and pirating’s the only available option to giving yourself a break from your regular monotony or currently-shitty-reality? Like, who the fuck am I to tell you not to pirate that feel good book or movie that has the chance to let you go to bed later with an actual smile on your face for a change? Who the fuck is anybody to tell you that?

*Shrugs*

There’s my two cents: The Ten Volume and Unnecessarily Long Saga.

[distractnova]

ok so i made a post abt this already but it was super rambly and barely got any attention and i feel like i didn’t do the game justice in that post and i’d love to edit it and make it better but i honestly dont see the edit button anywhere??? so i’m just going to remake it hopefully a lot better and try and add pictures if i can, so hopefully this is better sdfgfds i’m gonna add a read-more so you aren’t bombarded with a block of text dhsjkksdj (edit: might not work on mobile)

so it’s called Full Metal Furies, it came out January 17th this year and i think i got it around the 20th of January, it’s made by the ppl who made Rogue Legacy (yknow that super duper hard game?) and to get a much well thought out description u might wanna check it’s store page, the game’s on xbox and steam! (it’s also on sale for the steam summer sale! not for a whole lot but less than 20 dollars) ((its also recommended to play w a controller, preferably an xbox one, otherwise ur stuck figuring out which button does which blindly but once u get over that hurdle its all good, i personally find the keyboard controls annoying so i take the temporary button confusion over getting used to the keyboard)) (((u can also just google full metal furies and the first result should be the main site that cellardoorgaming made for it if u want even more info!))) also here’s the menu!

most things i have to say abt this game are good, but like everything even an amazing game can have its flaws. the good things i have to say abt the game are; i love the controls and i love the fact that you don’t have to play alone for good gameplay, you can still play the game without gathering people to play it, but its still fun when u do, they recently even added in lobbies so u could play w random ppl or ppl u know online rather than a couch multiplayer kind of style, i also love the art of the game, the backgrounds the lighting the pixels and the lines and the characters and how detailed everything is, and i love the character personalities and relations, they aren’t the largest part of the game but there’s enough for me to get attached to them, even throw away kind of ones or minor characters, i love the lore as confusing it can b for me at times i love the battle mechanics and the boss battles, the music is also amazing!!! the album 4 the music is on itunes, apple music and steam if u wanna check it out! i especially love how the all four protagonists are kick-ass women who are goofy at times cus that’s just human!! and they interact w each other in a way i like! and the puzzles are super clever! i also like how you require teamwork when playing w other people, like there’s no leaving the other behind bcus u NEED the other to progress, there are these color shields that assign to a character (only if u have that color in ur party) that only that character can break, even the places that are usually stepping stones for games are incredibly important like the level map, you need the level map to solve puzzles and it even looks amazing! same with the camp where you can level up and access character choice, u also need that to solve puzzles and its extremely pretty, at some point u also get a cat! 

b4 i get carried away abt what i like abt the game i want to name some of its flaws, cause i think i failed to do that in the previous post so here goes. the puzzles are insane, like out of the box’s box thinking, like i accidentally unlocked a puzzle thing by just playing Alex’s guitar (from a music set u get l8r in the game needed for the puzzles) for the fuck of it sdfghfdsfdsds but the only really possible ones for me, a person who is shit at puzzles where the first two stages, and some points of the game can be pretty tough, that’s just me tho, there is a way to tone it down w a setting called story mode, and even then it can b pretty tough, it’s not game ruining but for people who really hate hard challenges i wouldn’t recommend it, unless u think u can overlook that sorta thing bcus u like the art, gameplay and the characters, back to the puzzles real quick; you CAN finish the game w/out the puzzles, but to get the true ending (from what i’ve gathered) you have to solve those puzzles, and they get HARD, for me personally it would take a lifetime for me to solve any puzzles late game by myself, as a person who is not good at puzzles, i could still do it but it’d take a while, and there’s this stealth level at some point within late game where you have to sneak around these enemies or fight a fuckton of difficult enemies if u don’t successfully sneak past them, and it is almost impossible, the game was not made for stealth, although a part of me tells me that’s intentional, cus even if you do like die, you still keep any money and i think level ups to items you have equipped, so the level might be designed specifically for that purpose, it’s a good grinding level or fighting for fun level, but if the true intention was a stealth level it pretty much failed.

and i think that’s all the flaws i can point out, in the end i’d highly recommend this game even with it’s flaws, for me the flaws weren’t many but they where still there, the puzzles are definitely hard as rocks but i think the outcome would b worth it (haven’t finished em but i hope it is) the hardness of the game is also there but heavily intended (this game is made by the ppl who made rogue legacy after all) and you will definitely fail some levels cus failing isn’t always the end, learn from ur mistakes and grow stronger n all that jazz, the stealth level is kind of a mix of good n bad, cus if u look at it in the perspective of it wasn’t really designed to BE a stealth level, and instead just to look like one, i personally can kind of appreciate it, cause the Furies don’t hit me to be exactly the stealthy kind of war-stoppers sdfghfdsjhfs but if u look at the level the opposite way, it’s pretty a pretty bad stealth level

and that’s it, i think i did a much better job than the original post i made, i wish i could add in stuff abt the characters but that would make this post much more larger for my liking, i’m glad i targeted some of the key flaws for me, which didn’t even really turn out to be that horrible once you looked at them, some more stuff i wanted to add, the game has colorblind and heard of hearing modes you can turn on if you experience any of those, which i thought was extremely thoughtful, also the story mode that makes the game easier DOES deduct some of the gold it gives you, not a whole bunch, but it is less than you would get on normal mode. on the final note of this post, i would absolutely highly recommend this game, absolutely worth any money it costs! (20 dollars usually, rite now it’s 13 dollars due to the summer sale) if you read through the whole thing the only thing i can really say is; thank you so much for reading! i hope you want to check the game out after this! and if u do end up buying it i hope u like it!

#i kinda want to tag this as full metal furies #but like anyone going into the tag of full metal furies already knows what the game is right? #so like what would b the point #my rambling

[gavrial]

Ppl need to realize that i am not always accessible and when i am im usually socially exhausted specially since my job now consists of me doing extra shit. im depressed, still have yet to find out why the fuck im tired 24/7 despite changing my meds that cost a fuckton of money, im anxious about general stuff, i dont feel like making friends even though i probably should, and im really not in a good headspace rn and it dont help when i got a bunch of people harassing me about messaging them back like i aint got shit to do. Yall wonder why im not in a relationship? Cause i literally cant handle another person right now when i have to put so much effort into keeping myself calm and stable even though im lonely as fuck. I work myself to a point of exhaustion so i dont have to think about anything and its a never ending cycle of high and low depressive episodes so what people need to NOT do is try to guilt/harass me into talking with them cause that shit dont work on me. I try to check my messages/respond once a week when im not dead tired

#im really not irritated at anyone in particular its just i am really... #about to have a mental breakdown and i dont need this i lit. feel like killing myself cause im off my med due to the price and my old one #dont work anymore lol

[lovestruckbear]

Hi!! I recently started drawing and was wondering what kind of thing would be good practice (any certain poses or something that’d help us new artists). I really like your art and I hope this question doesn’t bother you!! Have a good day!

questions like yours arent a bother at all !

rly, just draw a fuckton of what u want. wanna draw humans ? draw a lot of humans. wanna draw animals ? draw a lot of animals. wanna draw scenery ? draw a lot of scenery.

making studies of them is also super fun. a couple yrs back i took life drawing classes, but they also cost money which is the reason im not still there now

another thing i liked to do was just draw ppl i see walking past or in a cafe. tho i dont do that as much anymore

i did the same thing with dance choreography videos, like i’ll pause and screenshot a shit ton of frames and just draw them. i feel that also helps with keeping consistent proportions

ive also found this recently which has made me conscious of how “exciting” the poses and backgrounds i draw look http://h4ndsomebear.tumblr.com/post/167601772043/leapinghart-wisdom-from-sherm-cohen-by-way-of

and remember ! don’t overwork yourself ! i know everyones always like “an artist must suffer for their work” which is how i always worked, but that shit makes u so miserable, if u find yourself suffering, take a break my man. get urself a cup of tea or somethin, have a nap, take a walk. its not something that should put your health at risk

i cant think of anything else rn but if theres any specific you wanna kno, dont be afraid to ask 👌🏼👌🏼

[unepovrat]

i hate thinking about what i wanna do with my life after graduation,,, like what do i want to study in uni which uni do i wanna go to how am i gonna get in in the first place what do i want to have as a job one day.... all these questions and im way too overwhelmed 

like i  originally wanted to go in the direction of archaeology or even better paleontology but oh wow guess what apparently thats not the best idea cause u have no stability in income or something like that or at least thats what the museumsowner of my little village told me so i thought all right i heard about this uni pretty small and cozy overall really cool and i could study international media management but hey wait no lol its a private uni so its gonna cost u a fuckton of money u dont want to spend since uni is technically free in germany gotta use that 

and just im so done with all my ideas getting shut down what if i never find something thats gonna make me happy 

#the safe way would be to just biology since we have that well known uni near me #but honestly i dont know if i wanna do that #im good in bio in school and im writing my alevels in it but do i want to continue it? #this is all too much for me i hate this #rambles

[myfuckofffundjourney]

Money Diary, Week 1

This will be long, and rambly! But it’s good to have it written down.

Tuesday, Jan 2

11 am: feeling like hell, go grab some over the counter decongestants. Pharmacist suggests a proper doctors visit. Make an appointment. 22nis

11:15: grab coffee at cafelix on the way to the bus. 11 nis

11:20: bus. 5.9 nis

12:00: pick up some doctor prescribed decongestants. 16nis.

14:30: bus home. 5.9 nis

14:45: crap. Can’t use transfer - buy another ticket. 5.9 nis

16:30: need water and snacks - 11 nis. I buy a glass bottle that I’ll reuse until I lose it or something. I had a reusable water bottle that i misplaced at a friends house. I keep reminding myself to go find it or buy a new one. That and a portable french press to-go mug, which is the best for my coffee addiction+constantly running around schedule.

22:00: Load my rav kav with 30 shekels. Home, grilled cheese and apple sandwich, TV, free yoga, bed. 30 nis.

107.7

Wednesday, Jan 3

11:00: Woke up feeling good! I planned my day out so that I did yoga, cleaned, and studied for two hours. Breakfast was a few pieces of peanut butter toast and a clementine. Now I need coffee and am out (used the last dregs for a sad cup this morning that just isn’t doing it) so I run out to grab some. 11 nis

14:30: I’m also out of toilet paper. On the way to get some, I drop off a sweater that needs to be dry cleaned. It was free so I don’t mind needing to dry clean it. Plus, its the best sweater ever. Grab a small package of toilet paper. In the future I will try to get to bulk stores and buy in bulk but for now, I’ll go with tiny 4-packs. Successfully restrain myself from buying a snack, telling myself I’m avoiding extra expenses and sugar. 5.5 nis

14:45: Heating up chicken soup for lunch. I see that my maple syrup has some weird blobs floating around in it which means some moths probably got inside. SO ANNOYED. I have more, and I probably didn’t even pay for this one, but it’s still an expensive food item I like having around and it sucks to waste it. Fuck you, moths. Eat my chicken soup, which is nearly finished (thankfully, it was getting a bit boring).

15:00: a friend is giving away a mattress, which I need. I just don’t know how i would get it to where I am, which is a studio sublet for the next 7 days, and where I’d put it after until I move into my new place. This is tricky.

22:00: The chair and mattress don’t work out, which sucks, because it could have saved me a lot of money. Oh well. I head to Jerusalem after class and get dinner with Shlomi. They end up giving us tons of free drinks because I used to work there. We split the bill. 88 nis.

104.5

Thursday Jan 4

10:00: coffee and a donut to nurse my hangover/sit and plan my day. I’m going to work somewhere that pays really well per hour, so things like a coffee in the morning feel less worrisome, as I need to be focused and Shlomi only has shit coffee at his place. A while after I leave, I realize that the guy forgot to ring up my donut, and make a mental note to remind him next time. 15 nis.

11:00: Take a taxi that I can bill to the client. I don’t in the end though. 30 nis.

18:00: Get paid! I worked really reallllllly slowly today so I end up charging them for an hour less. Still, I made 1200nis, and with reimbursements, it came to a nice 3170 nis. Wahoo!

18:30: Bus to meet friends for dinner. 5.9 nis.

20:00: Ugh. I told friends I’d take them to dinner as a thank you for a huge favor (that netted me a good amount of money a week ago). I put down 350 nis. 350 nis.

20:10: Train to the bus station because it is freezing and I’m tired. 5.9 nis.

21:00: Fill my Rav Kav. 100 nis.

22:00: grab chocolate and cream for my very necessary hot chocolate movie date night with myself. 18 nis.

524.8

Friday Jan 5

13:30: Head to a friend to cook and get ready for shabbat. He bought most of the food, which is nice for me. I pick up my sweater from the dry cleaners on the way to him. 30 nis.

13:45: Pick up necessary dinner items (I brought the rest from home) - noodles and nori. It costs 18 nis.

14:30: Meet up with a friend - I really want to get coffee or something but we just grab a package of cookies that I devour. 12 nis.

60

Saturday Jan 6

Money-free day! Woop woop.

Sunday Jan 7

In a fit of annoyance after waiting at the bank for WAY too long, I impulse buy a fuckton of cake. Whoops. 24 nis. But I made all my meals at home - including a truly vile peanut noodle stir fry that used up most of the veggies that were going off. It’s definitely not enough and I’ll probably get a snack later, but at least I ate my big meals (breakfast and dinner) at home.

20:00: buy some chocolate. I eat them and feel like shit in every part of my body. Dumb move. Ugh. 16 nis

40

Monday Jan 8

Morning coffe - 10 nis. After taking care of the bank (does depositing 5,000 nis into a deposit for an apartment count as spending money? Not sure…) I go to hand in receipts for an event  I did a few weeks ago - will hopefully get paid for it soon. I need to return wineglasses I borrowed for it; the taxi ride there and back to a meeting with an interested potential client who wants cooking lessons costs me a shitload of money - 117 nis - and I’m annoyed that I didn’t bill the people who did the event. On the other hand, it might bring it a lot of work in the future so it’s worth it. I hope. Meet friends for coffee and donuts. I end up paying which is annoying but I know she’ll get me back in the future. 38 nis. Then I get lunch because I’m still getting over my sugar hangover. 33 nis. On the way to the bus I grab a water bottle because I feel faint with thirst - 7 nis. Once at school, I duck into a grocery store and pick up a banana, apple,and yogurt for breakfast tomorrow. 13.5 nis. Talk to a friend about signing up for a CSA which should actually save money - it’s 90 shekel a week plus a 20 shekel delivery fee. Divided by two people, it’s 55 shekel a week and should be enough produce for us, and as a bonus, it’s fresh, local, and seasonal and also will help me cut down on impulse grocery store buys.

I know the next few weeks/months are going to be stupidly expensive - I have to move a house, get new things for the new place, replace my phone because it’s dying. I can see that the cord on my computer charger is fraying - it will probably need to get repaired soon or fixed. That’s not to mention the two huge fees that have been looming over me - getting my license and getting my wisdom teeth out. Those two, plus tuition, are the like, massive things that I need to sort out but don’t even know how it is POSSIBLE. Gah.

Go home. Decide not to buy anything even though I need food that’s healthyish. I make some tea and peanut butter toast.

218.5

Tuesday Jan 9

Meet a friend for breakfast even though it’s not the smartest thing to do, but it’s delicious and we have fun. 50 nis.

Grab groceries on the way home, including some oatmeal to replace from what I took in this apartment. I get her a full container even though I only used a tiny bit. 30 nis

Throw in a load of laundry. Jesus christ I cannot WAIT to have a washing machine again. This blows. 20 nis. Then another 6 nis for drying it. Grr.

Head to class. I’m agressively tired so I go to cofix and get a shitty coffee and energy bar. 10 nis.

Happily I get a ride home! Make us tuna wraps and pack the apartment.

116

Wednesday Jan 10

I pack all morning. Kim is here to help me move which is amazing, so I take her for breakfast. Between the two of us and tip, it comes out to 112 nis.

Go home, continue packing. I need to get trash bags because I have nothing to put my linens in, and also replace some soy milk. 24 nis. While in am/pm I get a call from my health insurance - I need to make a late payment. Bloody hell. :(

We drive to make the second drop off - have to wait outside for a key. I get us both a juice because we are irritable and sore and exhausted. 18 nis.

Buy a soda water. 5 nis.

School. Buy a yogurt and clementine. 7.5 nis.

Head to Jerusalem. I’m starving and assuming Shlomi is in school till ten so I grab pizza with a friend. 45 nis. Meet another friend to kill some time - she convinces me to get ice cream. I dont even want ice cream but we’re stoned. Ugh. 15 nis.

226.5

Weekly Total: 1398

Food (groceries) 109

Food (restaurants/not at home/impulse buys) 870 

Transportation 159.5

Transportation, work related: 147

Misc: 99.5