#and the weather unfortunately got fucked ;/ it was so nice and sunny yesterday but now its dark and gloomy and raining hard 😔

[artikgato]

8/11/2023

Once again I forced myself out of bed at 5am this morning. I did not want to get up this morning, but I did it. I went out closer to 6:20 this morning, so I did in fact get some of those great cotton candy sky predawn views. I also did the route backwards today. I didn't hate it, but I definitely prefer it the other way. It was a little cooler today at 69 degrees (nice) and slightly less humid, only 90% today. I feel like I did do better. During one of the jogging sections my legs felt like lead, but I think that might be due to the fact that I was listening to a song with just the wildly wrong BPM for jogging.

A pretty cool side-effect of going for the Mental Health Jogwalk™ is that I'm getting to actually wear the tshirts that I own and enjoy wearing. For months now I've basically just been wearing work clothes on work days and either staying in pajamas all day or, if I had to leave the house for errands, picking between like five shirts that I thought wouldn't get me weird stares at the grocery store. But now I have an excuse to wear the band shirts, the weird shirts, the shirts with funky designs on them. Because who's going to see me? The handful of people out walking their dogs? The people driving to work? Yeah, none of them care. It's great.

I wore the One OK Rock shirt that I got from the concert back in March, and so I put on some of their music for the jogwalk. Some of their songs are great for jogging. Unfortunately my favorite (Neon) is pretty terrible for jogging even if it is a straight certified banger. C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h and Vandalize on the other hand are excellent for jogging.

Someone had come along and upended a lot of the mushrooms, which made me sad. But even bigger mushrooms had also grown overnight, so I'm giving a big ol' metaphorical middle finger to whichever joyless heathen did that. I mean realistically it was probabably someone that works for the apartment complex, since all the mushrooms were still there, just upside-down. Oh well. I spotted the mushroom cluster yesterday while I was coming back from running errands, and that gave me a small spot of joy in the darkness that was being stuck in traffic on that fucking road.

Seriously. I hate that road. It needs more lanes and more lights. I mean yeah, ten million apartment complexes all sprung up along said road in the past six or so years and nobody involved in that process stopped to consider what adding seventy thousand new cars to the road would do to the traffic. It's not the road I hate. It's all the people that moved in and yes I know I am part of the problem but listen

This has really turned into a ramble. Guess I'll end it here. Nothing exciting really happened on the jogwalk.

Word count: 510 Weather: 69, mostly sunny Humidity: 90% (yikes) Time: 22:50

#mental health jogwalk

[ootori-sibs]

Kyoya's second shot

Episode four: Read all about it!

The newspaper was out first thing in the morning, and Kyoya was reading over it when Tamaki walked into the classroom. He silently glanced over, handing him the newspaper with an expression that expressed nothing but pity. Tamaki frowned as he took the newspaper, eyes widening at the headline. Just as Kyoya expected, Tamaki was deathly silent as his eyes scanned over the article, again and again, until the words lost all meaning. A quick glance around told him that everyone in the classroom had their eyes on the king, waiting for his reaction.

When he realised the words weren't going to change, he looked up at Kyoya, voice dry, "do you believe this..?" He wasn't just asking Kyoya, he was asking himself, but Kyoya would answer for both.

"I'm not sure," he began, doing his best to feign innocence, "her and Haruhi have always been quite close don't you think? Although Renge does seem a little too boycrazy, despite her previous crush on Haruhi…" he was telling the truth, but putting his trust in Renge still left Haruhi with the burden of blame. Tamaki didn't seem to realise that, humming in thought before smiling.

"I trust Haruhi! The newspaper club is always full of lies, you're right." That… was not what Kyoya had said at all, but he supposed it was typical of Tamaki to make his own conclusion that was vastly different from the one Kyoya wanted him to come to. Where was this distrust in the newspaper club when they were trying to expose the club?

When they walked through the corridors, and sat in every class, students wouldn't stop looking at Tamaki, they were gossiping, most believing the newspaper. Even when reaching the club room, the other hosts were nose deep in the article, the twins glanced up when Kyoya and Tamaki entered.

"Boss! You won't believe the nonsense the newspaper club came up with next!" They and Haruhi are reading from the same newspaper, looking extremely annoyed, even Renge is in the room, reading her own copy. Tamaki sighed, approaching the table the twins were sat at, having already read it but wanting to hear the twins perspective. "Just listen to some of the things these people say; 'as she has been known to seduce women beforehand, it isn't too much to assume she would have the manager under her thumb too', like what the fuck??" Hikaru laughs at the stupid lines, Kaoru less so, "but people are believing it…"

Haruhi sighed, "at least it's not as bad as yesterday… they're not attacking me directly." The hosts all looked to her in confusion, this was exactly what Kyoya had meant, she was a commoner, she cared not for image. She seemed confused by their confusion, "I mean, it's just a stupid rumour isn't it? Not like anyone with any sense would believe it." Oh and that got Tamaki hurt, the poor dear looked embarrassed but so very relieved.

"Didn't we threaten them about covering any of us in articles, Kyo-chan?" Honey-senpai spoke up, looking over at him, ah yes, Kyoya remembered that well.

"You threatened them??" Tamaki started, quickly being shushed as Kyoya raised his hand to his face.

"We asked him not to cover Tamaki or the club in general I suppose, the newspaper club hasn't actually broken any sort of agreement. I suppose they simply found a loophole." He shrugged, heading towards his table when Tamaki grabs his arm.

"Then make it part of the agreement." He spoke slowly, clearly, commandingly. Kyoya felt his face heat up as he looked into the burning purple eyes of the king, oh, oh yeah, this was why Kyoya was doing this. He nods quickly, adjusting his suit.

"I-" he coughs, trying to keep his composure, "of course Tamaki, my mistake, I'll get right to it." He hurried out of the club room as fast as he can, trying not to instantly melt.

In the hallway, he leant against the wall, fanning his face and mentally kicking himself for getting so unbelievably flustered, they were going to realise how in love he was! He's so stupid! Why does he get flustered easier when he's unstable?? It's the stupidest thing!! He huffs and slowly calms himself down, it's ok, it's all ok, nothing to worry about. He's just going to talk to Akira, then he's going to return and act like he fixed everything.

He strolls over to the newspaper club room slowly, leisurely, it wasn't like he needed to rush. It was quite a nice day, sunny, clear, he hoped it would be just as nice tomorrow, he and Tamaki would be outside that day, he didn't want it to be bad weather. However the idea of it raining, and possibly of them sharing an umbrella… Kyoya wasn't one for clichés, but that image made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He wondered if Tamaki would think to bring one? Maybe he should bring one and simply lie, saying he forgot. Tamaki was too smart for that, he'd see straight through Kyoya, he always had to be careful how he lied in front of the king.

He reached the door of the newspaper club, knocking politely, he waited for an answer. One of Akira's little friends answered, looking first surprised, then scared to see Kyoya, the poor boy shaking in his boots. "We...we were told we had permission! You can't get mad at us!" Ah, be thought Kyoya was here to carry out the king's orders.

"I'm here to see Komatsuzawa, is he there?" He raises an eyebrow, peering inside the room. He appears for the most part, perfectly civil, and he knows this stupid lackey will let him past without second though, and he's quickly proven as the boy steps aside.

Akira is sitting at his desk, revelling in the boosted sales of his latest newspaper, just staring at his computer with great joy. He glances up when Kyoya walks in, panicking for a moment before bowing his head in respect and sitting up straight. "Ootori! What a surprise! Is there anything you need?" His eyes show fear, Kyoya can almost see the texts he'd sent pass before the man's eyes, no guilt, but fear for consequence.

"Tamaki isn't too pleased about your latest article." Kyoya speaks slowly, but with the tone of business, "the hosts believe you've voided the agreement made last year… I'm not as inclined to agree." He saw Akira breathe a sigh of relief at that last comment, rolling his eyes as he continued. "However," all three boys staring at him look once again nervous, "I've been ordered to make sure you know not to publish another article about Haruhi," he walks over, sitting on the edge of the desk, crossing his legs. "So I'm just going to have to figure out another loophole, any ideas?"

"Uhh… well, he didn't say anything about the other hosts?" Akira offered, clearly very on edge.

"That wouldn't help us at all, your job isn't to hurt the hosts, it's to drive Haruhi away from Tamaki." He sighs, "I suppose we could go after Renge… but that would be unnecessarily cruel…" He frowns, he can't really see any way to reasonably bypass the threat that had been made. Kyoya feels stuck in this method, he can't see any way to continue to use the newspaper to his advantage, Tamaki- damn that beautiful idiot, has backed him into a corner. He groans, getting up off of the desk. "It seems your use to me has expired…"

"What? What does that mean?" Akira seems to be still on edge, but Kyoya's words panic him. Kyoya turns to face him, staring down at the frightened man with cruel eyes.

"God, you're a dick Akira." He had to say it whilst he had this power. "But don't worry, you could still be used," he wanted to make it clear that he did not see the guy was an equal, but an object to be used, "you will remain on the council, but you won't be doing much, try and make yourself useful would you? I won't do all the heavy lifting." He scoffs, heading to the door.

He could almost sense the trio of idiots shaking in their boots behind him, so this was what an Ootori's influence truly meant, it was good, Kyoya felt powerful. He must really be growing into his name. "Oh," he pauses, hand on the door, peering back at Akira, "feel free to take liberties with any loopholes you do find, as long as they don't hurt my cause." With that, he left the room, leaving the newspaper club to interpret his words how they liked.

He felt he'd done well today, it was still only morning too. He headed back to the music room, a little more purpose in his step then before. He was thinking about the authority that his father commanded, the way his brothers could threaten someone's entire livelihood with just a glance… was that the power he was feeling in the newspaper room? Was that how he commanded the council so much better in person? It felt, so very very good. Maybe he'd go mad with power, that sounded like fun- he was going mad anyway, might as well make it worth his time. He sighed, brushing his hair into order with his fingers and adjusting his glasses.

When he returned to the club room, the session had already begun, Kyoya sighed, nodding towards Tamaki silently to communicate that his duty was done. He sat at his table, beginning to work on the finances, there's never anything he really needs to do, but if he has the numbers up on his screen, the hosts don't question him not wanting to talk to the guests. In reality he was just extremely gay and extremely not into talking to people in general, he just didn't enjoy small talk in the slightest.

10:45 - The article came out and a lot of people believed it. Tamaki made me go and threaten Akira again. The newspaper club is practically worthless now, but I will keep them around to threaten the others with. I'm sure he can write a few good exposés.

Kyoya could overhead gossip from here, it wasn't much, but it was all he needed. The guests were asking hosts if they knew if it was real, each and every one of them told the ladies the article was lies and slander. The most interesting thing to Kyoya however, was the fact that Haruhi kept staring into space, clearly in deep thought. She didn't seem upset though, so he wondered what that possibly could be about.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Unfortunately he was pulled out of his thoughts by Renge hopping up and sitting on his table, she'd cropped the dress shorter, and he could see a new pair of boots under it, a matching pink colour to her bow. He could appreciate the colour coordination, it brought away from that awful dress too- so that was good. He looked up at her, watching her expression closely.

"The club's budget, clearly." He spoke slowly, dragging out his words, he cared not for the annoyance that was the club manager. She didn't manage shit.

She frowns at him, crossing her arms. "Don't lie to me Kyoya, I have access to the club's statistics, remember? You haven't made a single edit since last night." Oh, she was smarter than she looked, Kyoya sighed, adjusting his glasses. "So what are you thinking about?"

"That newspaper article mostly," he was telling a half truth, wondering if he could make this a beneficial conversation, "any truth to it at all? I know you liked Haruhi."

Renge went slightly pink, Kyoya hadn't been expecting that. "Well, I mean- Haruhi is really cute and nice and sweet and… but she's happy with Tamaki, I'd never pursue a taken person." She pauses, looking slightly sad, before giggling. "I'm sure you know all about that, eh Kyoya?" It was Kyoya's turn to go pink, under his makeup at least. How had Renge seen through him like that?? She was an otaku and an idiot.

"Yes, well," Kyoya adjusted his blazer, refusing to meet Renge's eyes, "it seems the two of us have the same wish, it's a shame we have our morals in order." Regrettably Renge seemed to have the same moral compass as Haruhi, otherwise she would be a wonderful addition to the council. Arai might be a little more useless than previously anticipated.

She chuckles at that, "for once, you're the good guy!" She sighs, patting him on the head condescendingly, "I'm sure it'll be fine, you'll move on pretty fast, don't worry about it." She was so nice, but her words served only to cut Kyoya down, his morals weren't in order, he wasn't a good guy, it wasn't going to be fine… he could never move on.

It really didn't take long for the school to realise that the newspaper was lying, they were all set to believe Tamaki over Akira. Kyoya could understand that, Akira was a piece of shit. But Kyoya himself had spent the rest of the day just sat at his table, just watching the council argue in the group chat, he was slightly concerned at the number of swear words and slurs thrown around in front of poor Chika, but it wasn't like Honey would ever find out. After a while of watching them squabble, he decided to say what was on his mind.

Shadow king: You're fairly useless Arai.

Peasant: what?

Shadow king: Why don't you put yourself to use?

Tomorrow is a Saturday, I will be out for the day with Tamaki, meaning he will be busy.

Why don't you go and spend the day with Haruhi? Come on to her a little.

Then tell us how it goes.

But don't mention Tamaki at all, you don't know, remember?

Peasant: uhhh ok? Ig?

Woman: It sounds like you're finally making progress Ootori, is that a date?

Shadow king: Oh, well it's only a' business trip' for a future club theme… but there will be an attempt to make progress.

Woman: I see, well I wish you luck nonetheless. As someone who has slight experience with attempting to seduce South, I suggest subtly, he wasn't too keen when I came onto him.

Shadow king: Well you're certainly not his type, you're too… mature in nature, and way too feminine.

Child: doesn't he never shut up about that commoner wearing pretty dresses and stuff?

Shadow king: Yes, of course. But compare a nice light airy dress to what Eclair was wearing at the festival- she dresses like a wh*re.

Woman: You are so fucking rude, Ootori.

Shadow king: That may be so, but I'm not incorrect.

Sorcerer: Forgive me Ootori, but I don't think a member of the host club really has any grounds to call someone such things.

Kyoya just leant back at that, he'd gotten over the club being called stuff like that the first year it was founded. It was kind of stale at this point, besides, everyone could see how good of a club it was. Nekozawa respected them, he's just always been one for technicalities. He was sort of watching the last session of the day go down, he'd apparently zoned out completely during the one at lunch, and most of his lessons, he just hoped he'd done the work.

He was tired when he got home, even if he hadn't really done anything. Luckily none of his family were home, so he could relax in whatever room he wanted. He made the decision to sneak into his father's office, looking over the paperwork left there lazily, oh, he was having a business meeting with Mr Souh soon, that could come in handy. Nothing else on the desk interested him much, so he turned to the alcohol in the office, looking at the flask, the decanter, and the various bottles. He looked them over, he already had a flask he'd stolen, so he could just refill it. He pondered for a moment what he should have, deciding on a bit of that expensive looking vodka, he'd never had vodka before. Oh and father had so many bottles of it, surely he wouldn't notice if one went missing, he swiped it, tucking it into his bag before retreating to his room.

He sat on his sofa, drinking from the flask silently, he was definitely planning to go for a new makeup look, but he had no clue where to start. He looked on his phone, going through look after look after look, none of them seemed like anything that Tamaki would enjoy and anything Kyoya could pull off. It was beginning to dawn on him that he didn't know the first thing about makeup, he could only do one face. He was going to need help… and he hated having to ask for help. It made him feel inferior, hopeless, and overall just useless. He took a gulp of that vodka, the alcohol burnt the back of his throat unpleasantly but the slight buzz it gave him was more than worth it, he might be a slight lightweight but he was underage, so it was permissible.

A maid had come to fetch him, and he quickly hid the bottle and the flask under the sofa. She told him his father was expecting him in his office, and he felt a chill down his spine, buzzed or not, he understood that if father was mad at him, that wouldn't be good. So he stood, breathing deeply for a few moments in an attempt to clear his head, then headed to the office.

When he got there he realised both his older brothers were there as well, looking confused and slightly anxious, he gave them a curt nod, smiling softly. Akito frowns, putting a hand on Kyoya's shoulder. "Are you alright? You look flushed." It took Kyoya a moment to process his brother's words, ok, maybe he was a little more than buzzed…

He nodded, smiling up at Akito, "yeah, just… tired." Kyoya wondered if either of his brothers actually believed him, but Akito nodded nonetheless.

Their father stood with his back to them, a small whiskey glass in hand. He sighed and turned, taking his seat. "One of you knows why I've called you here, I'll give you a moment to decide if you're going to admit to it." He went silent, looking at the three boys with patient but clearly annoyed eyes.

The trio glanced at each other, the two older brothers didn't have any clue as to why their father was talking to them at this moment, Kyoya knew, but he was trying to pretend like he didn't have a clue- just looking up at his brothers with blank eyes.

Yoshio sighs, massaging his temples. "Alright boys, let me explain why you're here," he turns with his chair slightly, gesturing to the shelves of alcohol, "notice anything?" He doesn't even give them a chance to respond, putting his hands neatly on the desk and looking at them with a level gaze. "One of the bottles of vodka is missing, which one of you took it?"

The three brothers look at each other, Kyoya was doing his best not to meet their eyes, but it seems that was quite counter productive. "It's very clearly Kyoya, he's literally drunk." Akito spoke bluntly, gesturing to Kyoya who turned and glared at him, how could he tell??

"I am not." He speaks just as blunt as his brother, but in complete indignation, "you're the one that keeps going to parties."

Yoshio sighs, frowning, "Kyoya, you do look a little feverish, is there a reason for this?"

"I have had a very long day," the truth, Kyoya had indeed had a long ass day, "and I would like to go to bed," also the truth, he's absolutely exhausted. For affect he rubs his eyes, blinking lazily at his father. "Besides," he knows his role, and he knows he can still use it to his advantage, "I can't even drink yet Akito, I'm only seventeen…"

There it is, his innocence proven by simply playing into his age. Yoshio sighs, "as long as you make sure everything you have to do for school is finished you can go and take a nap if you want, Kyoya. Thank you." He waved his hand to dismiss his youngest, turning to Akito to berate him for starting on his 'baby brother'.

Kyoya smiled victoriously, heading out of the office and returning to his room. Pulling out his phone to text Fiyumi.

Sweet Bby bro 🥺: Fiyumi can I ask a favour?

Fiyumi: Of course you can! Xxx what do you need? Xx

Sweet Bby bro 🥺: I need mkeup help can you come over tomorrow morning?

Fiyumi: OF COURSE!!! I'd love to help you with your makeup! Xxx what's the special occasion Kyo? Xx

Sweet Bby bro 🥺: Nothing too special Im just having a day out tomrrow and thought I might as well go for a new look but Ive got no idea where to beginn

Fiyumi: 🥺💖! I'll be over first thing tomorrow! Don't worry, I've got you! Xxx

Kyoya sighs, taking another sip from the flask, typing was a lot harder when he was inebriated. Not to mention he knew exactly what Fiyumi had set him as in her contacts and that it just made his texts look even dumber. He layed back on the sofa, did he have anything he actually needed to do tonight..?

#tamakyo #ouran high school host club #kyotama #kyoya ootori #tamaki souh #haruhi fujioka #renge houshakuji #kyoyassecondshot

[cantbehandled-ever]

i was tagged by the lovely @flowrxchild and @satans-helper to answer these questions, thanks sm!

What was the last thing you read?

- my chem textbook, i have a final on thursday

Favourite movie?

- the sixth sense

Favourite book?

- a case of need by michael crichton

Dream date?

- kayaking!!! i love kayaking and me and my date could go kayak where all the manatees are!!

Do you have a crush?

- on every girl i meet

What are your hobbies?

- collecting vinyls, playing my bass, being an absolute dumbass, kayaking, going to concerts, and camping

What’s your favourite time of day?

- mid morning! i’m a morning person and it’s typically after i’ve had time to wake up, but haven’t dealt with enough to ruin my day yet lol

If you could look like anything, what would you look like?

- skinny. that’s all i want

Are you romantic?

- cripplingly so! so whoever ends up being my partner needs to prepare themselves

What’s your favourite type of weather?

- sunny, but cool. i like it cool enough to wear layers, but not freezing

What do you like talking about?

- my niche interests, music, and i like when people share anecdotes that they think i will find funny

What are your turn ons?

- being gentle, nice smiles/ nice laughs, being super passionate about what they’re doing, playing with my hair, and a bunch of other stuff because i’m horny and touch-starved

Turn offs?

- being condescending, being overly controlling, conservative political views, and not having stuff they care about

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

- i want a bee tattoo so bad and once i get the money, i’m probably going to get it! i want it on the outer left arm, above the elbow

Do you have any pets?

- nope, i miss it though. pet fees at apartments are so expensive though

Dream job?

- an oral surgeon i suppose, but idk. i just want something that makes me happy and can support me.

Dream place to live?

- not in florida lol. i want to live closer to the mountains and forests, but idk exactly where

Dream vacation?

- backpacking through ireland! my uncle did it when he was around my age and it sounds like an amazing experience

Do you have any piercings?

- two, but they’re nothing interesting unfortunately. i really want to get my nose pierced, i just don’t want it affecting my chances of getting into dental school bc i’m not “professional-looking”

If you had kids, what would you name them?

- considering i don’t want kids, i have no fucking idea lol

What are your best traits?

- my laugh, i have a good sense of humor most of the time, and i tend to be pretty understanding

Worst traits?

- i am very anxious, so i get paranoid that i upset people way too easily. i also am way too sensitive. plus, i’m annoying

What’s your worst fear?

- me getting stuck doing something i hate for the rest of my life

What do you want to eat right now?

- nothing, i just ate cheddar broccoli soup though, so that can be my answer

What’s your best vacation you’ve ever been on?

- when i went to colorado and i stayed in the mountains! we went white water rafting and hiking, it was a really nice time

Favourite city?

- greenville, south carolina

Favourite social media platform?

- tumblr

Favourite article of clothing?

- either my doc martens or my flares!

Do you play any sports?

- not anymore, but i used to swim competitively and play volleyball

Favourite meal of the day?

- dinner, i suppose. i don’t really eat breakfast and lunch is usually at school, so it’s p boring

What are you excited for?

- being done with this semester lol, also weirdly enough, i’m really excited to get my wisdom teeth out bc i’ve had a lot of problems with them

Not excited for?

- finals

When was the last time you cried?

- yesterday. i cry all the time

Dream house?

- lots of windows, super cozy, room for a big garden!

What’s something you hate about the world?

- lack of basic human empathy, also a complete disregard for our environment. bonus item: capitalism

What’s something you love about the world?

- has a lot of creative outlets and lots of unique cultures

What scents do you like?

- peonies is my fave, but i also like really clean scents

What kind of sleeper are you?

- stomach sleeper! also a really light sleeper, so i never really feel well-rested

Are you a cat or dog person?

- technically a dog person, because i’ve never owned a cat, but i do want a cat eventually

How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?

- probably two weeks, maybe a month if i find a good group

Are you trusting?

- unfortunately way too much lol. i guess i’m kinda naive because i want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but once you break my trust, you’ll never get it back

What fictional character do you identify with?

- ben wyatt from parks and recreation

What labels do you commonly get?

- annoying, loud, straight (lol v unfortunate), and funny

What song would be your life anthem?

- i still miss someone by johnny cash

What issues are you dealing with rn?

- stress and the normal mental illness bullshit

How can someone win you over?

- tell me i’m funny lol, also just be nice to me

What’s something about you people don’t know?

- i’m allergic to shellfish

i tag: @mountainofthesunn @aint-no-denying @shes-outta-sight @gvfyeet @longhaireddeacy @bigthighsandstupidguys @n1-party-anthem @im-gettin-hazy @v-i-d-e-n-o-i-r

#tagged

[nascentflash]

never-ending survey: j’lihmu

RULES: Repost, do not reblog. Tag 10 blogs! 

tagged by:@violet-warder​ (thank you so much!)

tagging: honestly? anyone that wants to do it! (i don’t know who actually got tagged already) you are more than welcomed to tag me :>

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  J’lihmu Rhatni

NICKNAME : Crimson, Li

AGE :  25

BIRTHDAY :   19th Sun of the Third Astral Moon (5/19)

ETHNIC  GROUP : Miqo’te (Seeker of the Sun)/ Elezen (Wildwood)

NATIONALITY : Ul’Dahn

LANGUAGE / S : Common, a hit of Hingan/Doman (broken)

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Demisexual

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  Taken (Single in some AUs)

HOME  TOWN / AREA :  Abalathia’s Spine/Sky Frost

CURRENT  HOME :  The Lavender Beds — a small home she bought herself.

PROFESSION : Hunter, mercenary, the good ol’ Warrior of Light resume being handed out.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Naturally red with orange highlights.

EYES : A bright green.

FACE : Resting bitch face syndrome, always /annoyed, slightly round.

LIPS :Full, tinted with the same color as her eye paint.

COMPLEXION : Slightly tanned.

BLEMISHES :None.

SCARS : Littered across her body, reminder of the victories — or losses — she always came out alive.

TATTOOS :  Tattoos litter her form, it is part of her tribe back home. Her arms are covered, legs, and back.

HEIGHT :  5′2″.

WEIGHT : 143lbs.

BUILD : Athletic.

FEATURES :  Large, somewhat almond shaped eyes, small, slightly refined nose, both ears pierced and longer than the normal miqo’te.

ALLERGIES :  None.

USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  When long — messy, unkempt until told otherwise. A large braid would encompass a portion of her hair, and the other wild and free. Sometimes in a large, messy bun when she’s working, or doing anything out of battle. Short — has now a tendency to keep it up to date with oils and minerals, making sure her hair is looking better than before. She would not have it in a braid, with the exception of one on her side or most of her hair swept away from her face.

USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  Thick painted eye-makeup, whether blue (for her tribe) or red (for herself), lips tinted red. Besides that, she has no other make up on her whatsoever. It is rare to see her without her tribal paint unless she’s at home, relaxing.

USUAL  CLOTHING :   Leather, furs/coats, jewelry made from bones of bears long dead from her home. However, she adapts and changes depending where she is. Example; in Kugane, she is seen wearing more of their traditional outfits in some instances, but will always opt for the good ol’ tank top and shorts if she can get away with it. Yes, even under the kimono.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : Failure (more so towards her WoL than anything else), falling to her Inner Beast, death— in a sense.

ASPIRATION / S :  To achieve greatness and be worthy of remembrance outside the confines of her tribe. To eventually help lead a line of new, young warriors from her tribe.

POSITIVE  TRAITS : Confident, resourceful, passionate, outspoken.

NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Short-tempered, impatient, competitive, ruthless.

MBTI : ESTP-A/ESTP-T

ZODIAC : Azeyma (?T-Taurus?)

TEMPERAMENT :  Choleric.

SOUL  TYPE / S :   Warrior.

ANIMALS :  Bear.

VICE HABIT / S :   Isolation, punching the wall a couple of times until her knuckles bleed in anger, running head on in battle and not tending to her wounds.

FAITH : Questionable, leaning on no beliefs.

GHOSTS ? : Yes.

AFTERLIFE ? : Believer.

REINCARNATION ? :  Believer.

ALIENS ? :  ????

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : The only time she gave a shit is when things started going down in Ishgard, just to be spiteful to Ul’Dah later honestly. Would care for her tribes political shenanigans, but thats about it.

EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Home-schooled in a sense. Her father and the elders of the village taught her all she knows to a point.

FAMILY.

FATHER : Close.

MOTHERS :  Estranged, trying her best tm.

SIBLINGS : ...Complicated (Half-siblings are a handful)

EXTENDED  FAMILY : Many, but she does not know her mother’s side, only her father’s.

NAME MEANING / S : Her name has no meaning, but, if you asked her father—J’zahlu would say it reminded him of the sun.

HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : No..?

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  Intricate pages describing worlds she will never know.

DEITY : Azeyma.

HOLIDAY :  Starlight Celebration.

MONTH : October.

SEASON :  Autumn.

PLACE : Mountaintops with caves, deep within, a system of caves that lead you to the deepest part of home.

WEATHER : Sunny and cloudy days.

SOUND / S: The sound of metal clashing unto one another, the sound of rain hitting the earth.

SCENT / S :  Damp caverns, burnt fur, perfumes.

TASTE / S :  Sweets, orange, blood.

FEEL / S : Fur, cold floor, rough skin, broken wood.

ANIMAL / S :  Bears, hunting hawks, paissa — who is now her son, don’t @ me 

NUMBER : 18.

COLORS : Vermilion, black, gold, aquamarine, orange.

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Existing, hunting, beating people at bars, talking shit about powerful people because she knows she can’t be killed, headbutting is her specialty.

BAD  AT :  Loss, dancing, drinking — she will fall asleep or drunk fight, who knows.

TURN  ONS : Men — large hands, broad build, scars, messy hair, independent. Women — someone who can kick ass, makes her laugh, independent.

TURN  OFFS : Attention-seekers, arrogance, stupidity, carelessness — basically what she does what else is new.

HOBBIES :Hunting, people watching, trying to be a good blacksmith, mining — it’s therapeutic.

TROPES : Green-Eyed Redhead, Fiery Redhead, An Axe to Grind [idk a lot im baby]

QUOTES : “If one more noble attempts to be snotty with me, he’s about to get his ass ripped open by my axe.”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :  If you could write your character your way in their own movie,  what would it be called,  what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?          

—The Lost Crucible, it would be filmed like a documentary, so to speak, switching from third POV [narrator] to first POV [dumb catgirl] that would be finding out about her tribe, and the trial young warriors go through. 

Q2 :  What would their soundtrack/score sound like?          

— Songs that remind you of a time when you’re one in nature; drums that give you that itch to move and dance to the beat, to appease the old and new gods, whatever you believe in. It would be of her home — where the village barely touches the heavens itself.

Q3 :  Why did you start writing this character?          

— I did it in a way to sort of make a new oc from an old oc, so to speak. The OG version, as you could call it, is vastly different and I kept making lots of jokes with her when I name changed and eventually she just started to slowly build up.

Q4 :   What first attracted you to this character?          

— It’s a mixture of self insert, so finding a way to incorporate stuff into my own character is what sort of ... made her my lovable daughter. She’s not all self-insert, her attitude, her anger, her sorrow, her accomplishments and failures and imagines on how she would deal with X and Y is just absolutely fascinating for me and having a fierce miqo’te hailing from the snowy mountain tops of Abalathia’s Spine who’s tiny with a big axe is my aesthetic okay.

Q5 :  Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

— Her desire to keep things quiet until the last second—mostly when it’s about her. Anything related to her life, her health, her problems, she’d rather deal with them alone. Even if there’s been major character improvement, there are some things she does not feel comfortable sharing, or letting people in. Her desire for more power so she can finally be at peace.

Q6 :  What do you have in common with your muse?          

— We are both stubborn bitches. However, she deals with things far better than I ever could, as I am baby. Similar in arrogance, and in anger — to a point.

Q7 :   How does  your muse feel about  you?          

— She’d fucking kick my ass. I think she would appreciate me, and not be as bully as with others — not because I am her mun, but more so as I think we’d clash a lot but get along quite well, too.

Q8 :  What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ?        

— I, unfortunately haven’t had a lot of interactions with Li trying to be nice, or fight somebody but— people like her, who are broken yet continue on. Who carry a mantle too big to carry and they do it anyways. Fighters that only know how to fight, when she eventually wants peace, but that will never leave her soul. People so nice that it makes her want to protect them; to view the world the way they see it. Warriors, even if they are not from the same village, are all brethren to one another and the desire to meet and see how they live out their lives — just a handful of stuff in my head I’d like to see.

That and a bar fight, she really is the one who would start a bar fight drunk or angry okay. Also nobles. She sort of hates them cause of her mom but then eventually doesn’t and it’s awkward asf.

Q9 :  What gives  you inspiration  to write  your muse ?        

—Vikings, Game of Thrones aesthetics of the Dothraki tribe, anything tribal honestly. The existential dread that is Nier: Automata, some Fire Emblem aesthetics, a lot of stuff honestly.

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete ?          

— I STARTED YESTERDAY. I finished late today cause my last two braincells hate everything

#long post #thanks for the tag! #that took way longer than it should've but i am dumb #c; J'Lihmu Rhatni #answered prompt;

[ahmuteun]

All of them :D

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Well, that would be my little and I love her but nahh

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

That’s a great question, I have no fucking clue lmfao

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

I mean if they had an addiction then yes cause that’s rlly bad

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

No?

7. What does your last received text say?

“Nope, you only told me about the one”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Wayyyy too many

9. Where was your last kiss at?

………  his bed LOL whoops

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

August 10th

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water, maybe tea if I’m feeling it

12. Where did you sleep last night?

Mah bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I am the worst person to ask about this LOL

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

I mean maybe some small, stupid, insignificant thing that I did 

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problem?

Lmfao I mean it would be fine but he’s fuckin stupid and would say/ do a lot of stupid shit 

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Nope, I don’t know anyone in the world who has that name lol

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

I’m not wearing any pants cause I’m in bed LOL

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Naaahhhhhhh I doubt it

20. Does anyone like you?

Highly doubtful, no matter what some people say

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Unfortunately 

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Nah, he says he is as a joke but that’s it

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

I mean kind of but I deal with it just cause I have to

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yep LOL

25. In the past week have you cried?

Nah, I haven’t cried in months

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Uuuuhhhhhh I can’t remember but he’s smol and white and cute

Unless I saw a rando dog on the street and forgot about it which I think I did 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

In

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Ummmmm I don’t think so??

29. Do you think you’re old?

Nah, I’m still young 

30. Do you like text messaging?

Meh I’m neutral to it

31. What type of day are you having?

Unproductive but not awful cause I got to hang with my best buds

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Maybe for like one hot second but that’s it

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

If it’s warm and not sweltering hot then tha’ts fine but I like fall/ spring weather

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yeah, of course

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

I don’t know what I want anymore dfsohafohifadsf fuck

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’m generally a simple person 

37. What song are you listening to?

The h3 podcast 

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

 Yeah, unless it’s very clearly a joke or something but when I apologise I mean it

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Yep and I love them with all my heart 

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

 We aren’t talking about this garbage rn lmfao

41. When did you last receive a text message?

 Like 10 seconds ago LOL

42. What is wrong with you right now?

 A lot of things 

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

 Pretty well, we’re very close 

44. Does anyone disgust you?

 Uhhhh idk I don’t think so??

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

 Let’s not get into this cause I don’t fuckin know lmfao

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

 Yeah I’m fine 

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

 My roommate

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

 Navy

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

No I don’t think so,  I mean H told me that she knows something that I should know but it’s not her place to say but I didn’t want to hear it anyways  

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

 Uuuhhhhh no?? I mean maybe?? I guess it depends on what is meant by “giving up on” 

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

Nah

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

 Ummmm, no?? Idk

53. Do you like rain?

Yes and no, like it’s nice cause of the smell and ambiance but my bookbag gets soaked, my shoes and socks get wet, plus it gets cold

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

 I don’t have one but I drink so no, but like the drugs if it’s an addiction/ problem then yeah I care. I mean as long as they’re safe and not dying then it’s fine

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

I mean when I was younger, yeah

56. Do you like to cuddle?

 Yeah, cuddles are great

57. Are you shy?

Depends

58. Do you get along with girls?

Yeah but most of my mates are guys

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

NOPE thank fuck

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone, lipstick or lip balm, my wallet, and my keys

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Oh for sure, without a fucking doubt

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I don’t think I’m gonna be in a relationship for a very long time if at all so I don’t fucking know. But if the relationship has run its course before the five month mark then it’s time to call it quits

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Nope

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

 I mean idk if it’s cute, but it’s nice

Actually yeah I take that back, it is cute

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I mean I saw some cute dogs, but if u mean like romantically cute then nah

Well my roommate set up a romantic night for her and her bf and that was cute, it was gross but also cute

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

22, 22, and 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

Neither cause I have better things to do than paint my nails lmao

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

Neither lol

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

Nope cause I don’t like stickers on my car, magnets sure, but not stickers

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Lil wayne, easy

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

 ANDROID!!

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Saturday lol, my roommate and her bf bought some and let me have some

73. Do you like diet soda?    

 I’m not really a soda person so nah

74. What color are the walls in your room?    

White

75. Are you 16 or older?    

Yep, thank god

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

Nah

77. Do you have a job?    

Yep

78. What are your initials?    

CS

79. Did you ever have braces?    

Yep, I hated it but I guess it’s good that I had them

80. Are you from the south?  

With all technicalities, I’m not really sure where I’m from but it definitely isn’t the south lol

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

Idk I never post to facebook, I think it was one of those friendship memories things

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  

Nope LOL 

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

My mom, without a doubt

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I did gymnastics for a hot second when I was little

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Uuuhhhhh ant man and the wasp maybe????

86. Do you smoke?    

Nah

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Depends on the event/ what I’m wearing but heels lol

88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yep

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

Natural, so wavyish???

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

Nah

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

Pool cause no sand LOL

92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

....... yes

93. …Had sex in a car?    

........ let’s not

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

s i n g l e

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

Walking back to my apartment 

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

Yesterday 

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

It’s alright, better than my last phone

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

LOL o boy, yeah I have  

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

I mean, I’ve fallen asleep cause drinking made me tired but I don’t know if that qualifies as passing out

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

I don’t hate anyone so no

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

No and let’s hope it stays that way

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Idk man, probably one of her older songs from middle school or something 

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

YES 

My mates say that I don’t but I do, it’s slight but it’s there

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

I’d rather eat glass than wear cowboy boots 

#thanks for asking!!! #ask #reply #i-have-never-once-let-you-go

[biggy-habes]

Jonny Haber’s Day Off (Part II)

I woke up the next day feeling refreshed. At peace. The exact opposite of the previous morning. I had the entire day ahead of me. In the back of my mind the dread of returning to work the next day lingered. I felt like I had to make the most of today. So I grabbed some hiking gear and loaded Fennie up in the backseat. We were heading to Letchworth Park. For those not familiar with this area, Letchworth is a state park about an hour away. It is respectfully known as the Grand Canyon of the East. The Genesee River cuts through it, creating beautiful cascading waterfalls. The weather was sunny and mild and perfect for a long hike. Still lethargic from yesterday's walk through the trails, Fennie slept practically the entire drive. But once we arrived at the entrance to the park, he perked up. As we drove through the winding turns, he kept his nose out the window. He could not wait to explore these new smells! I decided to start at the Lower Falls and work our way up. The trail leading to the river was a decent 3/4 mile hike. When we got to the water, Fennie started to pull hard. Now he has never been much of a fan of water. You would think that taking a bath was worse than when his nuts got snipped. He created a scene at the pet store that I take him for his baths. It was like he wanted the store employees to think that I waterboard him. For the record, I DO NOT WATERBOARD FENNIE! He just hates water! He makes the most pathetic look when he has to go as far as to go pee in the rain. But for some reason he REALLY wanted to check out this friggin water! The flowing river created waves on the shore that he felt were a threat and he needed to bite the SHIT out of them! He would never get in above his knees. Dogs DO have knees, don't they? Well, anyways, that is where the water was. But he would dip his face in the water in order to bite the crest of the waves. And I sat there watching him, and thought to myself "You malingering ASSHOLE!"

As we started venturing back, I started to remember how a group of us rugby players would head to an area like this in Stony Brook for the day to cook some meat and drink cheap beers. And it dawned on me that I was not too far from where I went to college. I haven't stepped foot in that area since I was still in the service. Fennie was starting to slow down and was panting pretty hard, so I felt that perhaps we could save the rest of the trails for another time. Instead, let's take a trip down memory lane. I always remember the drive to Alfred being peaceful and serene. College was a very confusing time for me and I would use the drive to contemplate my wants out of life. Driving through the farmland brought back the familiar country smell. Soon I could see the white steeple signifying that I was entering Alfred Station. I passed the banquet hall where the rugby team had their social. Past the packie that would sell me gallons of Skol vodka despite my shitty fake ID. Past the hill that I had to climb to get to my dorm at Alfred U. I came up to the old Delta Sig house,  which has since been taken over and painted pink. I banged a right and entered the campus that contained 2 of the greatest years of my life. Alfred State. Home of the muthafuckin PIONEERS! 

As I drove around the loop of the campus, the memories came in waves. The 77 steps leading to Peet Hall...a treacherous hike for any drunken resident. The gymnasium where I had decided to "toss the gloves" during an intramural hockey game and, not aware at the time that my target was on the wrestling team, I proceeded to get suplexed onto the floor. At the top of the hill stood the Mackenzie dorms. This is was my turf from 1997-1999. This is where I went through 4 roommates. This is where I met my good friend Ed (oh there will be more on Eddie in later stories. He is a character!) And this was where my friendship with Johnny ("Tits") and Matt ("Squirrel") began. After reminiscing for a bit I walked over to the track, location of the annual Naked Mile. I ran this twice. First time was as a rookie on the rugby team. All rookies were expected to run it. The 2nd time…well, that was just for shits and giggles. Young Haber LOVED to get drunk and run around naked! After walking around for a little bit I left Alfred State and decided that it was time to pay a visit to the old rugby field. Now you will notice that I mention rugby a lot in this story. Well, this is because rugby played a significant role in my college life. I have never been known for my athleticism. My grandfather was a 3 sport athlete at Boston College and went on to play a year as a center in the NFL. I inherited his size and his passion, but the athletic gene unfortunately did not get passed down to me. In High School I played football, taking the position that brought my grandfather fame. Although I was a Varsity starter both my Junior and Senior years, I will never be known as a stand-out player and the name "Haber" will never be uttered in the halls of Greece Arcadia. When I went to college, I had tossed around the idea of trying to make a spot on the football practice squad. But it never blossomed into more than that. One night, while waiting in line for a beer at the TG house, a large group of loud, brash guys in purple jackets walked straight in and went up the stairs to the 2nd floor with arms filled with beer. I did not know who they were, but they seemed like the kind of guys that I wanted to be part of. As they walked past me, I read the back of their bright purple jackets and in bold white lettering it read "ALFRED RUGBY". I followed them upstairs, where they gathered around a keg and proceeded to drink like there was no tomorrow. One of them, just a bit larger than myself and wearing a backwards purple hat, had been challenged to a chugging contest. When he heard the word "Go", he pinched his cup and in one complete gulp he finished his beer. I had never seen anything like that! So after he collected his High 5s from the other ruggers I went up to talk to him. I cannot tell you exactly what was said, but I remember telling him that I wanted to see what this whole "rugby" thing was all about. He told me to show up to practice on Monday. On the front of his beer-covered jacket in white stitching was the name "BooBoo". I give this guy credit for introducing me to one of the greatest experiences of my life. Now, just like with football, I was not a GREAT rugby player. I was big enough to play on the front row, but again, I would never describe myself as "athletic". Despite the fact that my conditioning was shit and my balance was on the same level as a 4 year old, my heart and my grit got me a position as a starter as a rookie. Now, let me tell you, being a rookie on the rugby team was tough! You come to rely on the bonds that you create with your fellow rookies. This is where I really became close friends with Tits and Squirrel.

 I started driving towards the outskirts of Alfred towards Jericho Hill, where the rugby field was. I drove past the practice field, where I was able to imagine all of us scrimmaging. Punk would be running into a crowd of bodies, turning to scream "GET THE FUCK UP HERE AND RUCK IT OVER, YOU FUCKERS!!!". Mild-mannered BooBoo would become possessed and would run through anyone brave enough to stand in his way. And Squirrel would be way out at the opposite end of the field, dropping any kick that would come his way. Jesus CHRIST he had some hands of stone! I turned down the gravel road leading up to the game field, and eventually I was able to see the purple covering of the goal posts. I let Fennie out of the car and as we started to walk around the field, I recalled me getting my ears taped on the sidelines. Me stepping foot on the pitch for my first rugby game. All of the hits. All of the scrums. All of the sweat and blood that soaked into the soil. The sound that is made when large bodies violently collide. The smell of mud, body odor, and processed alcohol seeping from pores filling the air. And then, a feeling of sadness and grief overcame me as I started to think about my friend Squirrel. It was time to pay him a visit. I have gone to see him since the funeral. I wiped the tears from my eyes and headed back to the car. It was coming up on 4:30. Plenty of time to go see my old friend.

 Mattie lived his entire life in the small town of Owego, NY. All his life he had wanted to follow in the footsteps of his father and be a firefighter. I cannot tell you the number of times he would turn down an all-night binger because he was on call for the Volunteer Campus EMS. However, when he was not required to stay sober, he seldom was. Squirrel was loud and obnoxious, but he could easily become the life of the party. I never really saw him get angry. He was cool and easy going. Together, him and I wreaked havoc on Tits, never missing an opportunity to cut him down or pull a prank on him. One day we trapped him in a broom closet and proceeded to blow baby powder under the door until he agreed to go to the Rugby House (aka "The Alamo") for a party. He LOVED finding ways to get in trouble. He was not a very big guy, but that never stopped him from constantly talking shit. After leaving a party at TG (we spent A LOT of time there!!) he passed someone passing by with his girlfriend wearing a baggy white dress shirt. Squirrel turned and shouted "Hey, Jerry Seinfeld! Nice puffy shirt, ASSHOLE!" 

Squirrel's weakness was women. After hooking up with a girl at St. Bonaventure, her and her friend decided to make an impromptu visit. Later that night they took turns writing some of the funniest, most hateful shit in Sharpie on his door he had ditched her at a party. We spent the rest of the night scrubbing his door clean. After graduation we had all gone our separate ways, but we still managed to keep in touch. A couple of years later we met back up to play in the Alfred Rugby alumni game. As the years passed, the conversations became sparser. Squirrel went on to become a firefighter like he had always dreamed about. He became a husband and a father. When The Facebook became big we were able to reconnect and would share stories of our lives or talk about old memories. When Amanda and I were planning our wedding, Mattie was talking about flying to the Keys to attend the ceremony. And when all of that came crashing down, he would call me to make sure that I was hanging in there. I took one last look at the field that contained so many terrific memories. There will always be places where you just feel a sense of peace and reflection. It is a bit ironic that the pitch that hosted such ferocity on Saturdays would become such a place of contentment. As it turns out, another place of mine is the Arcadia football field house. When I would have my crackups in my 20s, my friend Schworm would always know that if I went missing, that is where he could find me. Anyways, I had to go. It was time to go pay my old friend a visit.

After Amanda and I split up I had taken a job in North Carolina. Still reeling from the difficult breakup, I had walked into the basement of the Research Department on a chilly, dreary day and sat down to take a few minutes to catch up on Facebook when I heard about Squirrel. There was a post regarding a fire in Owego during the night. There was a casualty. But no. It couldn't have been him. But I am sure that he must be pretty shaken up. I should probably try and reach out to him. Before I got the chance to, I was interrupted by a message from an old mutual friend, Wendy. Matt and Wendy grew up together. She let me know that the casualty was Squirrel. It did not process at first. That couldn't be right! He was a good firefighter! He was had a family! But then the reality started to set in. I went in to the office of the head of my department and explained what had happened and that I needed a couple of days off. That night I packed a suitcase, asked my father to let me borrow $200, and I drove through the night to New York. I shared a room at a run down Red Roof Inn with my friend Ed (my suite mate from college. Man, I cannot WAIT to get more into him some other time! He is a goddamn character!) So anyways, the next day me and Ed, who had become a volunteer firefighter and was decked out in his uniform, met up for breakfast with Tits and shared old stories over some eggs and bacon. I have not seen Ed in a few years, and Johnny for at least 20. We carried on like nothing had changed. We were missing the loud voice and dramatic flair of Squirrel. 

Now when I tell you that Mattie had died a hero, I am not sure if you quite understand. He was a loved and cherished member of his community. He had a tight group of friends. He did all that Dad shit. But he NEVER let that part of him that made HIM get away. He was still known for drinking a bit too much shitty beer and run his mouth any chance that he got. Owego is a very small town, and I think that everyone in that town was present to say their "Goodbyes" to Matt. There were Police, EMS, and Firefighters from Syracuse all the way to Pennsylvania there to pay their respects to their fallen brother. There were so many people there for his Last Call that they filled the auditorium and streamed it in the Gymnasium so that everyone was able to be present. The occasion was somber but the ceremonial pageantry was breathtaking. Squirrel had the tendency to be a bit of an asshole. But this was the ceremony that Mattie deserved. My old friend is my fucking hero. I love and I miss the fuck out of that guy!

I pulled into St. Patrick's Cemetery, and the part of me that grew up Catholic turned off the radio out of respect for the souls. It was not hard for me to find Matt's gravestone. Fennie was wiped out from all of the walking the past 2 days and he was perfectly content with sleeping in the backseat. I sat down in front of the gravestone marked Matthew Porcari. I talked to him like 19 year old Whimpy would talk to his fucking homey Squirrel. I caught him up on my life. I told him funny stories. About the death of my dad. And how I was struggling trying to cope with my grandmother's passing. And how much I fucking missed him. How I wanted to be sitting at a bar sharing these stories. I will never find a friend like him. He had the ability to be a complete jackass. But he was the guy that made you laugh and knew just what to say when life took a shit on you. He was the guy that would make sure that all of his buddies had a great time. He will always be my brother. I shed a few tears, and saw that the sun was starting to go down. I had a good 2 hour drive back to Rochester, so it was time to say "Goodbye" and that I would see him soon. 

By the time we got home Fennie and I were beyond exhausted. I had to return to work the next day. I was not sure what sort of reaction I would face. Despite the need for the time off to reflect on what has been happening in my life, I felt guilty for making my coworkers pick up the slack of my little break. And to be honest, I was embarrassed! A mental breakdown is never pretty. And to have it take place in your workplace, ON A GODDAMN CRISIS LINE, is not very cool. But when I got back to work, it was just another day. There were a few people who pulled me aside to ask if I was OK. And I truly appreciate that. I have to be honest, I work with an INCREDIBLE group of people. They were completely understanding. They could not believe that I was able to take all of this and still show up to work and do my job. I have been conditioned to take what life throws at me and find a way to absorb it and keep moving forward. However I never gave myself an opportunity to address it all. But being outside and in nature, just myself and my best friend-slash-companion-slash-Ryde or Die, it gave me a chance to process all that has happened and all that I have to look forward to. I did not take turning 40 very well. But it is gone. I am now looking at 41. It is time to figure out a way to get back to living. L-I-V-I-N-'. It is time to evaluate my relationships and my role in them. It is time to figure out the person that I am wanting to be. I have seen a lot of unbelievable people fade out of my life and a lot of them are never coming back. Some of them I can only talk to in spirit. I am not promised another 10 years. I am not promised another year. Is this the kind of person that I want to be remembered for? And if not, then what I am going to have to do to get to that person?

[thesanguinecrow]

just gonna vent about my day under here

ive already vague posted about it but i kinda just wanna get it all clear n out

lowkey thinkin of making a personal journal blog thang cuz i like posting into the void as an outlet

and of course you dont have to read this if you dont want to (its hella long too though i put a tldr). i wish you well regardless <3 

again its entirely up to you if you wanna read this. im not in any grand detriment and will be able to handle my situations just wanna express some stuff in words, release some pressure to not have it all be inside

tldr: romantic dullness/exhaustion, cant use the parking pass i bought today bc step dads truck broke down so he using my moms car shes using mine i have to walk to school n being able to go to work/interviews is looking impossible, money is tight, changing coins into cash was difficult (heavy, took a long time, spilled some coins, lost like 36 in service fee), stomach bein sensitive

ok so this kinda starts off from my train of thought from yesterday n i felt that feel where its like am i rly gonna find anyone i can genuinely vibe with and feel like !!<3 all that love stuff and when i opened myself to see how i felt towards people in that sense it all kinda felt dull and cardboard-y.

i feel like ive put out too much romantic interest and im cycling back into a low period and having more disinterest

in my french class ive moved my seat to sit next to a guy i think is cute. 

ever since the first time we spoke when we had to pair up with someone we never talked to yet in the class the vibe was v chill n like we were already buds and my aries mars is becoming bolder and i was like okay why not lez go. its been cool sitting next to him and we have our meme moments and our laughs.

today my fiend sat next to me and i could just bee insecure and jealous but the guy, who sat on my other side, complimented on her eyelashes and yeah (ik ik its like \__!__/ and i have no control over other ppl free will but yknow i gotta fancy on this guy

though today the luster has faded from him pretty hard

we were talking about french terms for family members and like widow and stuff was one of the terms (i dont remember exactly as it came up but) and he was putting out that lmao im single and lookin for some nice nice ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and the whole vibe was just off putting

when class ends we usually talk a little bit till a couple steps out of the door and we go our separate ways but today i had to go to the cashiers to buy a parking pass so i walked with him more

when we left the building he like projectile spits into the dirt and for me the whole like idk what to call it but the sound of gathering the spit n stuff y’know like that absolutely makes me cringe so i was just there like

so any way i go to the cashiers to (finally) buy my parking pass

thankfully since we moved im now within walking distance of my school but its like ide rather not. i sweat easily, a lot, and its so cal sunny weather is almost constant. for the past like 2 weeks ive been parking as close as i can to the school in the residential area and walked the rest. (you still need permit like 4 blocks from the school) so i was glad to finally get my pass to park across the street.

until my mom told me this night that my step dads truck broke down (its an old used car with a lot of miles on it the engine wasnt actin right) so now he has to take my moms car and shes gonna take my car. thus i gotta walk all the way from home to school. im mad that like the day i buy my pass is the day i loose the ability to take my car to school. tomorrow imma see if i can still refund my pass.

this is throwing a wrench into my activities bc ive been riding on three job interviews and now idek if i can make it to work especially on a basically on demand basis (bc part time seasonal work be like that) i already interviewed for two and canceled the third

over all losing the functionality of one of our vehicles, work not being ideal, and me losing my mobility has thrown me back into financial anxiety and put a damper on my mood.

other unfortunate events today have been my stomach being sensitive to most anything and having to go exchange my step dads coins into cash

at some stores (like vons, ralphs, cvs) they got this machine called a coin star. you feed in your coins, they take a processing fee, you get a cash voucher, and cash it at the register to get your bills. 

my step dad had $300+ worth in coins and it was heavy.

part one of this poor experience: there was some random stuff up in the coins like safety pins so the machine jams i needa call the manager he clears it up we good

then i spill some of the fucking coins and i loose some under the machine. two other employees helped me pick up the coins thankfully

then i just was standing there for hella long and my hands got dirty from handing all the coins. i was probably there for almost an hour. my feet were starting to swell up n turn red from standing in place for that long. the wait then continued as i waited in the register line to cash the vouchers (one from the jam, one from the machine auto stopping bc we had to pick up the coins, and the final voucher after feeding everything in) and i waited for another while in the line at starbucks for my reward drink. 

also like coinstar takes like 11.5% fee and like oof with what i had it took like 36 dollars in fee

so like yeah that was my day

[alien-earz]

about me

Fancy knowing anything about me?

1: Full name Kirstie Taylor King Turcotte

2: Age: 20

3: 3 Fears: deep water, creepy crawly bugs, pizza place doesnt deliver

4: 3 things I love: music, art, laughing

5: 4 turns on: if you funny, gentle, and can have deep conversations

6: 4 turns off: big ego, doesn’t show he cares, ugly shoes

7: My best friend: nobody wants to be close to me long enough

8: Sexual orientation: str8 

9: My best first date: ohhh maaannnn.... somewhere in a waterfall in a foreign country

10: How tall am I: 5′3

11: What do I miss: not having to adult

12: What time were I born: 7:30 am!

13: Favourite color: dreamy purples and green and blue and anything lovely

14: Do I have a crush: yeessssss!

15: Favourite quote: let it go, let it leave, let it happen. nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you anyway. all you own is yourself.

16: Favourite place: new zealand or anywhere with a beautiful sunset

17: Favourite food: all da food! but mostly hummus 

18: Do I use sarcasm: ....noooo :3

19: What am I listening to right now: bedroom-nostalgic feeling!

20: First thing I notice in new person: the beautiful smiles

21: Shoe size: 7 

22: Eye color: bluuuueee

23: Hair color: dirty blonde

24: Favourite style of clothing: dirty mop grungy just crawled out of a trashcan unique

25: Ever done a prank call?: pretty sure i wasted my adolescence prank calling people

27: Meaning behind my URL: i like to get high

28: Favourite movie: oh maaann! idek. the grinch probs. i know err word. 

29: Favourite song: i have a million favorite songs. but my favorite song at the moment is hodera-breathe easy because the guitar sounds so dreamy and beautiful

30: Favourite band: nevershoutnever is my guilty pleasure

31: How I feel right now: weird

32: Someone I love: everyone who ever made me feel loved

33: My current relationship status: d8ing

34: My relationship with my parents: terrible

35: Favourite holiday: halloweeny because i love being creepy 

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: i only have my belly button pierced but i have 8 tattoos and ive had a million piercings in my life time. 

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: i want to get my septum re pierced annnnndddd i want an avocado tattoo’d on my arm 

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: because it was cool af in grade 10

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: no way, we were friends for a long time before. 

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: ermm... sometimes i guess

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: yep! 

42: When did I last hold hands?: yesterday in the car with my boyfriends mom cause i love her and she loves me and shes the best. 

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: 10 minutes at the most

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: loool no? its winter. 

45: Where am I right now?: at work :(

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: probably my self or the cab driver. cabbies always pull thru. 

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: as loud as it can fuckin go

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: no!!!! im a full time adult

49: Am I excited for anything?: summer time 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: yesssssssssss, most of my greatest friends are boys

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: mm  70% maybe. 

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday when i was leaving my friends house. noice warm hugs

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: i would be confuuused. 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: no! i learned the hard way not to trust a distrusting person.

55: What is something I disliked about today?: that i had to get up at 8 and go to the bank to get money for my rent. and than pay my grumpy landlord. 

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Robert Plant

57: What do I think about most?: im mostly in dream land 99% of the time

58: What’s my strangest talent? i can spread all my toes apart and it looks like i have munky feet. its pretty bad ass. 

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i dont think being closter phobic is strange. but FUCK that. 

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? both! i like to capture beauty and be apart of beauty. 

61: What was the last lie I told? i lied on my time sheet at work because i need the hours but i fucking hate working. 

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? talking on the phone is nice, it keeps the mystery going. 

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: of course.

64: Do I believe in magic?: yes! i believe we all have abilities we cannot access, only some people get to that point. 

65: Do I believe in luck?: sure

66: What's the weather like right now?: sunny, windy. 

67: What was the last book I've read? celestine prophecy 

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: i would be dead if i did 

69: Do I have any nicknames?: kerby/kerbz

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?: uhm my brother snapped my pinky in half. 

71: Do I spend money or save it?: both haha 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no :c

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? yes! my key chain.

74: Favourite animal? red panda

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? roasting my brain on social media 

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? love 

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? heaven must be missing an angel 

78: How can you win my heart?: be sweet and semi obsessed 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? tried my best 

80: What is my favorite word? rutabaga 

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: i dont go on tumblr enough 

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? love everyone. every leaf. every ray of light. forgive. 

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: nahhh 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: read peoples minds 

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? how do i feel honestly. 

86: What is my current desktop picture? a red panda.. hahah 

87: Had sex? i would be pretty sad if i was 20 and still a virgin. 

88: Bought condoms? yessssssss

89: Gotten pregnant? noooo! 

90: Failed a class? ha ha ha 

91: Kissed a boy? yup

92: Kissed a girl? yupppppp 

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? heh yes 

94: Had job? unfortunately 

95: Left the house without my wallet? all the time 

96: Bullied someone on the internet? ya i was a dick in highschool 

97: Had sex in public? how public? i had sex in a park at night. and in the forest. and in a car parked on the side of the road. idk how public that is. but. 

98: Played on a sports team? soccer! 

99: Smoked weed? everyday.

100: Did drugs? yea!

101: Smoked cigarettes? ive been ciggy free for awhile 

102: Drank alcohol? if i could calculate how much vodka i have drank in my life i could probably fill an olympic pool. js. 

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? vegetarian! 

104: Been overweight? not really. 

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding? yess

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably. 

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? when i was younger yeah 

109: Been outside my home country? multiple times!

110: Gotten my heart broken? i think my heart is in a constant broken stage now. 

111: Been to a professional sports game? yeah! 

112: Broken a bone? if my pinky counts than yes 

113: Cut myself? for a year i used to cut my self in highschool. 

114: Been to prom? i live in canada 

115: Been in airplane? yeaaaaaaa

116: Fly by helicopter? noooooo 

117: What concerts have I been to? too many 

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? mm no 

119: Learned another language? no! :’( 

120: Wore make up? sometimes 

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? i was 15

122: Had oral sex? duhh 

123: Dyed my hair? not for 2 years

124: Voted in a presidential election? i voted in the prime minister election in canada last year. my dude won. of couuuurse because hes sick. 

125: Rode in an ambulance? yea when my brother shattered his head 

126: Had a surgery? yup!

127: Met someone famous? no 

128: Stalked someone on a social network? haaaahaha i have issues

129: Peed outside? ya gotta do what ya gotta do 

130: Been fishing? yes! i caught the biggest fishy at my bf’s cottage this summer. he was pretty impressed. 

131: Helped with charity? i dated a christian guy in highschool and his parents would take us to the mustard seed to hangout with the less fortunate and feed them :) it was really nice.

132: Been rejected by a crush? YEAA! its the worst. 

133: Broken a mirror? no thats bad luck

134: What do I want for birthday? a big hug and an awesome concert in seattle to happen. 

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2 kids. they will be boys. Atlas/Onyx. maybe Eli? 

136: Was I named after anyone? my dads highschool crush. 

137: Do I like my handwriting? yeah! ive got pretty nice writing id say

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? barbies/teddy bears

139: Favourite Tv Show? one tree hill 

140: Where do I want to live when older? somewhere peaceful, surrounded by nature 

141: Play any musical instrument? ukelele! 

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? my friend put a cigarette out on the back of my leg when i was passed out drunk. that was fun. 

143: Favourite pizza toping? pineapple!!

144: Am I afraid of the dark? if i watch a scary movie or have a scary dream. 

145: Am I afraid of heights? not really but sometimes when i look down it gives me butterflies 

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? HAHA ya. my mom is smarter than i thought i guess. 

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? all the time. 

148: What I'm really bad at: expressing myself. 

149: What my greatest achievments are: moving out all on my own and paying all my bills on my own without any help. 

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: my first love told me to go kill myself and that i was spineless. 

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents debt off and move them somewhere they always wanted to go. 

152: What do I like about myself: im funny i guess 

153: My closest Tumblr friend: jen 

154: Something I fantasise about: having my life be a dream pop music video