#anyway I'll do asks tomorrow hopefully if I'm not too sleepy :3

[your-regina]

Maybe hell is all I'll ever know

Hi there, it's been a week since I wrote the last page. You see, in times of turbulence things can change vastly from one day to another. As you may remember, one day I was hiding at my friend's house, the next day I was already home, then I was making plans to leave and suddenly I'm being bombarded with several reasons to stay.

Have you heard of the three signs rule? It basically says that whenever you're doing something you should only let up to 3 inconveniences stop you before taking the hint from the universe and giving up.

I personally believe everyone would fall into a loophole of not doing anything if they stuck that strongly to such a rule, but once you hear it it's certainly a bit hard ignore it.

Should we count the inconveniences that have gotten in my way?

I first brought this up to my aunt on march 29th, and it's currently april 6th and I'm still here for a few reasons.

First of all, I've always been quite shy, and asking someone to stay at their precious home is, quite frankly, something that makes me too anxious to say it as quickly as I should have.

Secondly, as soon as I told my aunt what the psychologist asked me to say, it was quite clear to me that she wasn't very happy to have me there, even if she said it was ok. She said herself, just some days ago, that "a dead body and a guest can only last three days before stinking". I don't forget things too easily and I have a very strong intuition, so I know when people are having issues with me right off the bat. I think my aunt is still mourning the loss of her spouse, and moreover she's enjoying the house all to herself. I try to reassure her that I won't stay forever and it's just more of a transition period more than anything, but I'm not sure what she's thinking. Maybe she's too nice to tell me that I can't stay, but I'm going to take this shaky 'yes' for the time being.

Anyway, the third thing that is making me hesitate is how annoying my mother is getting, just crying all day about this decision as if I wasn't talking about leaving this year for the past 4 years of my life. I guess she expected me to somehow forget my entire life's purpose. In any case, I'm just trying to get enough money to move out and finally start living the life I want, so I can't live on my own right now. But I certainly plan on doing so one day, hopefully sooner than later.

My mom says I had a psychotic break because I abused my meds too much, but I think there has to be something else to it, nothing is ever that simple, is it? I've thought that maybe I wasn't ready to feel life on my skin, too tender to handle it still. You know? I'm starting to feel a bit sleepy for the first time in days. I don't think I've slept for longer than 6 hours these days.

Still, tomorrow I'll go make some of my last purchases. I had hoped to turn this into a safe haven but nothing around me will ever feel safe. Is it really that hard to own something?

It seems to me that I always have to lose some part of me in exchange for the freedom I long for so much. I'm currently living in the dogs' room. Their space is so much bigger than mine too. The room doesn't have a door and the place I was given to sleep is a hammock which bumps into the corner of a desk every now and then. The place my aunt originally gave me was an extremely hard cot with no sheets to make it even the littlest bit more bearable. Maybe this is a soft but clear way of telling me to piss off. If I go, I'll just take a weight off her shoulders. I have something new and cute. I'll stay home and do what I'm told. Stop fighting back, it's all useless, there's no way out.

Maybe I'll just stay here forever, maybe I can make good money off the store if I handle it better. Maybe.

There's no peace in this world, no such thing as freedom or justice. It's all a dream, nothing is where it should be.

The earth is evil. We don't need to grieve for it. Nobody will miss it.

My eyelids feel cold

3 Clonazepam

3 Pregabalin

1 Risperidone

It hurts so much to admit it, but maybe I can only escape temporarily like this. Let me take care of the things that hurt me the most. I'll make a dream out of that place, I'll make it shine like the moon so I can go out with a bang, I'll bring heaven with me when I leave.

#regina's heart

[albatris]

I put a lot of emphasis on how much of a manipulative sneaky bastard early-story quinn is to nat

n although in terms of manipulative sneaky bastardness quinn is absolutely the worse offender of the pair and nat never uses what little manipulative sneaky bastardness he possesses to the same kinds of ends as quinn

there's no way in hell nat isn't aware that if he just puts on his most pathetic most dejected sad lonely puppy face 90% of the time quinn will do whatever he wants. there's no way in hell he doesn't take constant advantage of this

#he's just like #poor sad pathetic little nat :( showing up at quinn's door :( intentionally playing up how sad he is #just being like #quinn can i sleep at your house its cold and my apartment's heating is broken :( quinn can we cuddle please I'm so sad and neglected :( #i know you gave me blood a few days ago but can i have some more please :((( look how sad and hungry and neglected i am quinn :(( #quinn can we go to the fancy fresh fruit market instead of coles please even though its way across town :(( look at me I'm about to cry :'( #quinn you're killing me you are killing your boyfriend quinn i am so sad so fragile i am about to crumble. do you want me to die quinn :( #if he looks sad enough quinn will cave bc quinn is secretly a huge fucking softie for nat ok #like even before theyre even friends quinn sees him at one point all sad and stressed and bedraggled and is like #hm what is this peculiar feeling in my heart. looking at this boy. could i genuinely care for and love him? #no it must be EVIL GLEE at having SUCCESSFULLY MANIPULATED him into TRUSTING ME mwhahahaha #like...... quinn c'mon buddy. he's scared and ur worried about him lmao #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears #anyway I'll do asks tomorrow hopefully if I'm not too sleepy :3 #hiiii

[lacharcutiere]

falling so soft [sawamura daichi]

1k words

previous | masterlist | next ➪

part two of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. time zones suck. being too busy to facetime sucks. not getting to have him as your new years kiss sucks. distractions… actually, those might be okay. but that’s to be determined.

^ if u got the ronny cheng reference lol i love u 👽 anyway, i did not plan that last bit out but,, THE PLOT THICKENS hehehe:)) also oops for having this up 2 hours late lol i totally forgot to queue it

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4). man i hate daylight savings time why do we have to switch between the two, hopefully no one notices if i fucked up the math but if u do pls just ignore it <3

tings // fluff, lil bit of soft angst // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend’s pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to the taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— MOVE-IN DAY: 29 AUGUST 2021. 08:14 EDT.

your roommate is a talkative, ever-energetic, pretty half-russian girl named alya. she's from new jersey, you learn, just across the river. the two of you are a good match in energy, and she's easy to talk to. you'd chatted a couple times before over instagram, and the tiny bit of japanese she knew combined with your functional knowledge of english has made for conversations that flow easily from subject to subject.

you tell her about daichi, show her pictures of the two of you together from graduation, the summer—whatever you can find. she immediately loves the two of you together, excitement seeming ready to bubble over at how cute you must be, and you need to remind her over and over that you're just friends with him for now.

— 16 NOVEMBER, 2021. 10:23 EST.

according to the new york natives, this year's first snowfall is early. usually, alya tells you, it doesn't snow before thanksgiving.

— CHRISTMAS CARDS, DECEMBER 2021

from daichi (written 16th december, received 22nd december. opened on christmas day, 00:03 eastern standard time.)

from you (written 12th december, received 18th december. opened as soon as it arrived, 17:14 japan standard time.)

— 18TH DECEMBER, 2021. 23:03 JST, 09:03 EST.

you wake up to your phone buzzing on your bedside table, rubbing your face groggily as you fumble for it and see who it is.

“of course you’re still my favorite,” is the first thing he says as soon as you accept the call. and then, “oh shit, did i wake you up? i’m so sorry—“

you cut him off with a sleepy laugh, assuring him that no, it’s okay, for him you don’t mind.

"d'you get the card yet?" he sounds so excited, almost childlike; it's adorable, and you can't help but laugh some more.

"i did," you say, "but i'm saving it. i'm gonna open it on christmas."

he snorts. "i say open it now. i opened yours as soon as i saw it."

"yeah, but i'm talking to you now, i wanna save it so i have new things to hear from you even if you can't call."

"who says i won't call?"

"no one, but just in case."

— CHRISTMAS DAY 2021. 00:12 EST, 14:12 JST.

daichi's about to second guess calling you when he remembers you never go to bed early if you can help it, and especially not while you're off school. and, speak of the devil, his phone rings right then.

"hey." it's dim in your room, but he can hear the smile in your voice and that's all he needs.

"hey."

"i opened your card."

"did you, now?"

"mhm." you must be in bed; he can hear you nuzzling down into a downy comforter and yawning. it's adorable. "i miss you."

"i miss you, too."

there's silence on your end of the line for a while, save for breathing and blankets shifting around, and daichi takes it as his cue. "get some sleep," he tells you, "i can call you again tomorrow."

he hears you sigh—such a pretty sound—and then you speak again, barely above a whisper. "daichi?"

"hm?"

"can you just... stay on for a bit? just, like, until i'm asleep?"

and he laughs a little, but (unbeknownst to you, passed out within the next few minutes) he doesn't hang up for another hour.

— NEW YEAR’S EVE 2022. 23:58 JST, 09:58 EST.

he calls you just in time for the beginning of the new year (at least, where he is). it’s funny, you point out, how for thirteen hours you’ll be living in two different years. time zones are a bitch.

— 23:55 EST, 13:55 JST.

“welcome to 2022,” he says with a laugh when he picks up the phone. “‘s been pretty uneventful so far.”

— 16 FEBRUARY 2022. 09:55 EST.

a guy in your calc class comes up to you after a lecture and asks you if you’re single.

he’s not unattractive, and he’s smart. you’ve chatted a couple times and he’s always been easy to talk to. he’s funny, and he’s an international student from japan, too. you don’t know what to say at first; you wonder what daichi would want you to say. but you remember, you’re just friends for now.

you tell tōru yes.

— 11:03 EST, 01:03 JST.

feeling unbelievably guilty as you wait for your phone to ring while sitting on a bench outside the dining hall, you wonder what you're even supposed to tell him. that there's someone else? that you want to try seeing other people? how can you soften the blow without sounding like you're trying to make excuses for yourself? and it's not like your heart isn't still set on him and him only, but how can you possibly convince daichi of that?

so you're incredibly surprised to find out that daichi almost... doesn't mind. you don't miss the way his voice tenses up a little after you tell him, but you know that whatever he says, he's always honest with you. he even almost laughs at you for how stressed you seem.

"friends, remember? 's okay. it doesn't mean you can't see other people, just that we can tell each other whatever. and that i'll support you."

"you're not jealous?"

he pauses for a second, thinking, before saying, "i mean, honestly? i am, i guess." he stops again and you don't say anything, almost afraid. "but whatever we are, if you're happy, then it's okay. and tōru's a good guy." he huffs a short laugh. "if he were a shitty person, that'd be a very different story."

that's another surprise to you; apparently he and tōru were at least somewhat acquainted with one another. volleyball, daichi tells you.

small world.

☾𓆙𓂻

when you finally end the call, realizing how late it is in japan and that he must be needing to go to bed, you can't tell whether you feel less guilty knowing that he doesn't think you're in the wrong, or more guilty knowing that he's willing to sacrifice his wants for yours.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

#haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu series #sawamura daichi #daichi x reader angst #daichi x reader fluff #daichi sawamura #daichi x reader #i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone #OH SHIT???? #THE PLOT THICKENS >:)))) #ignore this tag but #t*ru o**k*a

[haikpers]

[November 4,2020] 'Chapter 2'

I didn't expect the Night to go by so slow. Ever since I started writing in this I was just so excited to write whatever happens!

Anyways, I just woke up. It's currently 8:30 in the Morning. Wasn't expecting to actually wake up considering the fact that I kinda stayed up most of the Night looking up at my ceiling.

I'm in my Washroom getting ready to take my Daily shower. I've also gotta mention that my Friend Julien picked me up from my House today. For some reason my Pimples always settle down when I'm with him. He's probably Magic at this point.

It's not like I completely want my pimples to be gone just because I wanna look pretty. In all honesty, I want them to go away because I wanna be just like Oikawa! I know it sounds weird, and heck yeah it sounds impossible. But like I at least want to be similar you know? I've got the personality, the same interests as him, etc. So why not looks too?

Oh right, because he's perfect and I'm not. But whatever! I don't really care. I should be taking Shower by now but I'm standing here typing whatever's on my mind. Oopsies~ hehehe

Also, last night I was able to talk to my Friends about moving out and living together in the future. They're definitely going to be my Future Volleyball Teammates! I know, I know, I'm still 14. And yes we may have some age gaps but that won't stop us from setting up a Goal!

Hopefully Future me or any of them doesn't decide to leave. I really want to achieve this Goal of hours living together and staying Best Friends! Miracle, Lev, Mochi, and Colette. The 4 most precious people in my Life so far including myself, we're going to try our best! Anyhoo, I need to take a shower!

Just got done with my Shower. I feel much more refreshed now! I also haven't eaten yet, which I probably should do.. But I'll stay a little longer just so that whatever I post today is actually longer than the one from Yesterday.

Hannah somehow managed to make me cringe at my past self, I wanna die- So basically I used to do digital art, well not used to- I still do digital art til' this day but rarely. My art style was crap, oh GODXDDDDFFKEMFKKWKC.

I wanted to forget about it too, damnit. Now I have to relive my old art.

No idea why my head hurts a bit though. Maybe it's because I've never written a Diary before and my Brain's just malfunctioning because of it. Whatever the cause is, I'm ignoring it. [Unless it gets worse]

Did I mention it was Wednesday today? No, I don't think I have. Either way I'm just excited for the weekly Haikyuu Episode. It always comes out on Friday, which I'm so hyped about! Now that I think about it, I don't think I would've been so invested in Volleyball if it weren't for Haikyuu. In fact, I wouldn't even bat an eye to Haikyuu if it weren't for Oikawa. He caught my eye in one of the Instagram Posts- so, basically he's the reason why I love the Sport.

It's funny to think that my Future is because of Oikawa Tōru, a fictional Character who is both the Setter and the Team Captain for Aobajohsai from Haikyuu. But hey, I'm not complaining! If it's because of him then I'll continue.

Alright, I probably should actually eat now. I'm getting pretty hungry and I'm sure that my Birds are too as well. Their names are Bokuto, and Akaashi. Bokuto is the yellow bird, while Akaashi is the Blue. It fits them so well!

Well, well, well, I am back from my break! Also, I actually took a shower but I came back here like 3 Hours or even more after. Not a lot of things happened during the span of those hours. [Sad, I know]

But I did end up practicing my tosses for a bit! I use my Laundry Basket as a target for my Volleyball to land into whenever I set/toss it. It's not much, but it improves my precision.

I haven't tried setting backwards with it though, I probably should since I might need more practice for that. Also, I read some Hisoka x Reader Fan Fictions. Some were Lemon, the rest were fluff.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do okay? I was kinda bored so I ended up reading some FanFictions before deciding to go back to my own Diary and continue my writing.

I'm not even sure if I could practice outside today.. It's pretty sunny, but I feel like it might be freezing cold. I might as well just wait for tomorrow when I can go to School. Maybe then I could ask my Music Teacher if there's a way for me to Practice in the Schools Gym.

Corona is really pissing me off, I can't even practice or try out for the Team this year! Argh! And I was looking forward to it too. And the fact that I can't find any Gyms that has a Volleyball Court? Really shatters me. How come Japan is more superior. Like, I just wanna practice in a Gym that let's you use the Court for free.

I swear, when I become a Professional Volleyball player, I'm gonna set up a Gym/program in Canada where girls' and boys' like me could practice in without having to rent. I'll even be the coach for the program! Big dreams for tiny me, huhu.

I'm feeling even more sleepy for writing, is that bad? I really do wanna include something exciting in this Chapter but I can't think of anything that has happened that would be worth mentioning.

I also made a promise to myself that I wouldn't discuss any Past Occasions on here sooo... I have to make my current situation entertaining I guess. But~ I can do that after I sleep. uwu

Also, I kind of want to mention a little secret of mine that I do every single day. Before I go to sleep, or like any time during the day; I imagine Oikawa living along side me, interacting with me, and basically just straight up acting like my Best Friend. I also act as if no one else could see him BUT ME! It's honestly a straight up serotonin boost. I even have those moments where I could actually feel warmth where I imagine him to be. It's amazing!

But of course other people wouldn't really understand how much these little imaginations mean to me. Not everyone is this obsessed, but whatever. The more unique I am, the more reason to stay just the way I am.

I'll go check if it's actually cold outside, that way I can see whether or not I could practice my serves. Quick tip, if you don't have a net! Use the swings in parks. You could serve over the Bars, it's pretty useful. But make sure you don't hit anybody!

Bro, I just asked my Mom if I could go outside and practice. She said yes, I'm so excited to actually practice my serves! Wish me luck! I'll be back after. It's like 16° so I need to at least wear a sweater.