#anyways im a failure as an artist and theres nothing i can do about it

[seven-tastic]

lukerosa but they share one braincell

#i went throught 5 stages of grief making this #i thought itd look better if i ignored its existence and went to take a 4 hour nap #but i guess it didnt work #anyways im a failure as an artist and theres nothing i can do about it #anyways peak clownery from me im so sorry this is so ooc #luke pearce #lukerosa #tears of themis #i have made like 428942 lukerosa doodles and i keep jumping between all of them #my brain decided just to finish this one and pretend the others dont exist #i just want to throw the tablet across my room when i see my art #my anxiety went 📈 #when posting this on twitter #twitter terrifies me to the highest level i blame my experience on genshintwt

[ghostcloud22]

It’s getting worse.

I am a writer. which means I have a lot of expectations of myself as such. I don't write for others, I write for myself; and myself alone because sometimes there are things that I cannot talk out about from fear of how people react. Writing is also very personal to me, as it is for most people. Whether it be for the best intent or not, we all write for a reason, its passionate, its a drive. Thats why I love it so much because as a writer/poet/musician its what I live for, among other things. I try so hard to be good at my art, and I know that sometimes im going to fail, because I have failed in the past. However, every time I've failed, I have succeeded from those failures. I'm not strong, I never have been; ive tried to be, god I have. but theres only so much damage I can do to myself before I feel completely disappointed. when Im not thinking about that, I start to think about all the people I miss, the people I never talk to anymore because life keeps moving on, including the people in it. I get attached to people, particularly to people who couldn't give a shit about me and that is generally the loneliest feeling. I get guilty thinking about people I never talk to anymore when i've come so far. im not going back to that, never. as an artist I write about my lonely feeling, but I should be grateful. I need to learn to be grateful because for the most part I am terrified to be sad. because my sadness is so dark, so painful that I would rather feel nothing than feel trapped in my own head. Thats when I start to miss them again, thats when they pop into my head and I start to really long to talk to them, but have nothing important to say; so thats it. its over, I sleep it off, knowing those thoughts are never going away, but its not going to stop me. I cannot let it suffocate me, and corner me into a spot, tying me up so I cant move. I will fight back, I will. I will. Im more than this, and im going to prove it. I have to prove it or else nothing changes, nothing improves and I cant let that happen again. I cant let this get to me again because it gets so bad. I start wanting to do it again, but I need tattoos, and tattoos are better than scars (gotta make that a lyric) but anyways. people shouldn't worry about me, because thats my job, and like I always do, I will figure myself out and pull myself back together piece by piece until I dont feel invisible when I look at myself in the mirror.

#mentalhealth #LGBTQA #lgbtq #depression #writer #musician