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commentaryvorg · 5 years

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Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 5.6

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, in the last of early chapter 5 before the plot kicks in, Kaito began preparing his grand plan to save everyone else which is definitely all his plan despite the fact that he has no idea what he’s doing and really should be letting other people help, Himiko’s final FTE continued to be a wonderfully convenient metaphor to establish that Kaito is mostly doing this in a misguided attempt to prove himself and make things up to Shuichi, and Maki had some strange ideas about the best way for Shuichi to stop her from needing to be an assassin, because even in her final FTE she still doesn’t think her own feelings count for anything.

Now, it’s nighttime, which means time to put Kaito’s plan into action! …Maybe.

Shuichi: (Monokuma… isn’t here? What *was* that…?) “…Is the plan compromised?”

He’s talking about the nighttime announcement, and it is kind of interesting that Monokuma isn’t there. He doesn’t show up for the entirety of this whole thing which is about to go down. Which could just be because he knows Kokichi is about to do something and doesn’t want to get in the way of it… but it could also be because Kokichi doesn’t want him to get in the way and did the same thing he’s going to do later and surrounded him with a guard of Exisals so he can’t move. The only issue with that possibility is that Kokichi later brings all five Exisals with him to the end of the tunnel, which means he would have to give up guarding Monokuma at that point, but, maybe?

Shuichi is also being a little naive to be surprised that the plan might be compromised. It should be pretty obvious that their plan wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by Monokuma… but apparently Shuichi still hasn’t quite consciously considered the fact that Monokuma must have some way of monitoring them.

Shuichi bumps into Tsumugi on the way to the gym, and she points out that Keebo has upgrades in his lab that he could be using to help us fight.

Shuichi: “That’s true, but… Keebo said that he doesn’t want anything too ‘sci-fi’, so…”

That’s not a remotely decent excuse for not using all the strength he possibly can to save everybody’s lives, Shuichi, come on! You’re supposed to be smarter than this.

Tsumugi: “But in this situation, maybe he should just get over that already…”

Yeah, maybe he should. Aren’t you just glad he isn’t. I would not be surprised if she made an effort to write him to have such a big thing about this so that it’d override his desire to do whatever he can to help everyone. (But even then, I’m still calling flimsy out-universe writing here as well.)

Tsumugi: “Well, we shouldn’t force him to do anything.”

Yes, we should! But of course you wouldn’t want to do that.

Kaito has finished his pile of weapons! On the one hand, some props to him for apparently having chosen mostly large, heavy weapons that’d probably do a good job of crushing a small robot bear. On the other hand, I’m not sure how he’s expecting anyone other than Maki to be able to wield such weapons effectively, since everyone else here (very much including himself by this point) is not very physically strong.

(It apparently took him all day to prepare this pile. But there’s only maybe like ten or twenty weapons here, which should in theory only take about four or five trips carrying a handful of them each time. If it took him all day anyway, that implies he took more trips to do that with breaks in between, perhaps even only carrying one weapon at a time. Which was either an attempt to make his efforts look Very Busy And Important when he actually really wasn’t doing all that much, or it’s because he’s just too weak by now to physically carry more than one heavy weapon at a time and had to pace himself like that.)

Shuichi: “A-Are those weapons…?”

Keep up, Shuichi. Kaito’s plan is not complicated.

Kaito: “You guys better be ready!”

Tsumugi: “Ah… you don’t mean ready to die, right?”

Ouch. I don’t think the fact that Tsumugi is the mastermind is relevant here, but still, she has kind of a point. If the mastermind really didn’t want them to win this fight, then they could have created countless spares of Monokuma to fight them, something Kaito should be perfectly aware of. This is a pretty similar situation to Kaito’s “strategy meeting” back in chapter 1 – this time he’s doing slightly better because at least they’ve got weapons, but they still don’t have the faintest semblance of a strategy, and they’re still hypothetically facing hundreds of Monokumas hellbent on ripping them to shreds for breaking the rules and being in the gym at night. Kaito could very well be about to get all of his friends killed as far as he knows, and that risk has got to be nagging at him.

Kaito: “What? No! I mean ready to fight and win, obviously!”

But of course, everything is totally fine and definitely about to go perfectly! His plan is great, and he knows exactly what he’s doing!

Kaito: “We challenged him a bunch of times, but it never worked out, right? That’s because… we gave up.”

Apart from the part where nobody really challenged Monokuma at all past chapter 1, Kaito’s right. They definitely could have kept trying to fight him, but nobody was brave enough to take the risk of getting killed for it when it seemed safer to just stand back and hope another killing wouldn’t happen.

Kaito: “But this time we can’t give up! Cuz this is our final chance!”

Well, it’s at least somebody’s final chance, isn’t it now, Kaito.

If everyone else knew that, then they’d fight even harder. If everyone else had known that earlier, then they would have done this earlier rather than just sitting around, and maybe Kaito would have stood a chance of getting to a hospital in time to survive. Reminder that Kaito’s wonderful idiotic selflessness and determination to hide his suffering from everyone is the reason he dies. Kaito himself is the one who gets closer than anyone else ever does to pointing that out here.

Kokichi: “What a coinkydink – I was planning on ending this killing game, too.”

Hi, Kokichi. It was really refreshing barely having to talk about you for five whole parts, but here we go again. No, you’re not planning on ending the killing game, or you’d have already done it last chapter, just like everyone else would have done if they’d known Kaito was dying.

Kaito: “You little—! What are you—!”

It’s pretty interesting that Kaito responds with the most anger, since we established a few parts ago that he’s not especially angry at Kokichi anymore over Gonta, and that he’s the one person who can partly see through him and isn’t quite buying the evil sadist thing. So I wonder if Kaito’s anger here is less about that and more about the fact that Kokichi is butting in with his bullshit now, just when Kaito was about to start his Brilliant Plan to save everyone that Kokichi is probably about to throw a huge wrench in. After all, Kokichi is also the one who can see through Kaito the most and knows that he’s a lot more pathetic and useless than he’s managed to convince the others he is, right?

Kokichi shows everyone what is totally a real bomb and is totally going to kill all of them except for whichever person volunteers to survive with him at the expense of their friends.

Kokichi: “It’s first come, first serve! On the count of three, first one to raise their hand wins!”

Which is an interesting threat that’s kind of a parallel to the killing game itself – someone might volunteer not because they want to let everybody else get killed but because they’re afraid that someone else will do so first and they just want to protect themselves from that. This is, after all, exactly why Miu attempted murder.

Kaito: “Q-Quit screwing around! Who’d ever agree to that plan!?”

Kaito looks strained and nervous as he says this, suggesting that even after everything they’ve been through and how much he believes in everyone, he’s still slightly afraid that a situation like this might push someone into betraying their friends for their own survival.

Keebo: “Even if you threaten to destroy me, I have no intention of being manipulated by you.”

Himiko: “I-I’m scared of dying… But nothing good will come from surviving with you.”

Tsumugi: “I also… don’t want to survive with someone who’d do such a thing to Gonta.”

Maki: “I’d rather kill you.”

Everybody’s refusals are less along the lines of not wanting to save themselves at the expense of their friends and more along the lines of not wanting to be stuck alone with someone as awful as Kokichi has painted himself to be. Good job there, Kokichi.

Kokichi: “Wooow, what a surprise, I didn’t think this would go *exactly* as I predicted.”

Shuichi: “…What?”

Kokichi: “Ah-haha, I lied about killing everyone! I just wanted to test your determination!”

So, Kokichi was actually doing this whole thing in order to prove that nobody remaining would selfishly betray the others for their own survival, so that he can be sure they’ll all work together. But if this was really what he’d predicted, he shouldn’t have needed to test them at all. Kokichi probably figured it was at least somewhat likely that everyone was genuinely as co-operative as they’re claiming to be – but, of course, this is Kokichi, who’s incapable of fully trusting anyone and convinced that people will always betray each other. Anyone else wouldn’t have needed to test it and would just believe in the group’s desire to co-operate, but Kokichi needed to have concrete proof to be able to be sure of it.

Kaito: “Determined enough to end the killing game? I never thought I’d hear you saying that!”

Come on, Kaito, you’re the one person here who must have figured that was at least slightly possible. I guess he’s more saying that he never expected that any more, after the end of Gonta’s trial in which Kokichi completely noped out of ever acknowledging how he’s really feeling or acting on that.

Shuichi: (The weapons that Kaito brought. …I can’t imagine *these* are the Ultimate Anti-Monokuma Weapons.)

Shuichi is, again, having very little faith in Kaito’s plan. I love how starkly this points out that Kaito’s plan is kind of pathetic and was probably never going to work.

Shuichi: “Are you talking about the hammers?”

Kaito: “Cut it out! There’s no reason to listen to him, guys!”

It’s notable that Kaito is currently the one most adamant about shooting Kokichi down entirely. Now that he’s no longer threatening to kill everyone, and since Monokuma still hasn’t appeared and started attacking, there’s no reason to not at least hear him out and try to figure out what the hell he’s up to. But apparently Kaito doesn’t want that, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that Kokichi has started to introduce his own “fight Monokuma” plan that already looks like a much better version of that plan than Kaito’s.

Also note the “guys”, because Kaito’s totally addressing the group in general and not Shuichi in particular. He must hate that Shuichi is realising Kokichi’s plan is better than his. (And it is specifically Shuichi, because everyone else’s comments during the free-action bit where you’re meant to examine the hammers are nothing but hostility towards Kokichi.)

Kaito: “Is that really something Miu made? Aren’t you lying about that, too?”

Kokichi: “Huuuh? You’re gonna doubt that, too?”

Tsumugi: “Of course… have you forgotten everything you’ve done to us up till now?”

Observe one of the problems of being Kokichi and then having a plan that involves getting people to believe some of the few actually-true claims you’re making. Boy who cried wolf, and all that.

Himiko: “Yeah! If there were weapons to fight against Monokuma, we should’ve all fought together!”

Yep! We sure should have done! And there are still some weapons we have that we aren’t using, Keebo.

Kokichi: “…This is all your fault.”

Oh my god, Kokichi, you and your goddamn deflection.

Miu: “It doesn’t matter if we promise to work together… Someone will still betray us. Betray us and… kill one of us…”

Miu is continuing to be a more noticeably interesting character after she’s dead than she ever was while she was alive. She genuinely was that paranoid and convinced of this, which is why she tried to do the exact thing she was afraid someone would do to her.

Miu: “And… I can’t afford to die here, anyway…”

The biggest difference between Miu and Kokichi is that Miu is not sensible enough to realise that if she tries to escape by becoming blackened, she will almost inevitably end up dead. She saw committing murder as her greatest chance of survival, even though she really should have seen it as the opposite. This game is designed so that the blackened always loses, and Kokichi understood that from the beginning.

Miu: “S-So… if you wanna defy Monokuma, do it yourself. But, if it does work out… come help me, okay?”

Miu is also selfish enough to have the gall to want to benefit from everyone else’s co-operation and bravery even though she’s too much of a coward to take part in it herself. Still, if everyone else had actually pulled off an escape attempt back in chapter 4, they would have come back and rescued Miu as well, because they’re all good people like that.

Kokichi: “She was afraid to… trust you guys.”

And that’s their fault how, Kokichi? Everyone except you and Miu herself were perfectly trustworthy. This is him deflecting his own trust issues onto Miu (because she had exactly the same kind of issues) and then blaming everyone else for those issues because obviously nobody is ever deserving of trust and it couldn’t possibly be his fault for not having the courage to trust people who actually do deserve it, right?

Kokichi: “The fear of betrayal overcame her. That’s why… she bloodied her hands in this killing game.”

Kokichi is definitely only talking about Miu and not himself, of course. Definitely.

We’ve gone right back to business as usual with Kokichi deflecting everything so completely that it seems as if nothing is bothering him at all, without any of the fun tiny hints at his actual guilt and pain that there were back at the end of trial 4. The part of Kokichi that felt guilty over killing Miu and Gonta has been forcibly buried deep down inside him and we’re not going to hear another peep from it ever again.

Kaito: “That idiot…”

I enjoy this little moment of Kaito realising that Miu was just messed up and scared and too weak to trust anybody, and that things could very easily have been different if she’d been stronger.

(It’s probably deliberate on an in-universe writing level that Miu was this much of a coward. If you’re going to have someone whose talent can make incredible inventions that can fight back against the robots overseeing this killing game, you’ve got to nerf that talent somehow, and what better way than making it belong to somebody who’s too afraid and too selfish to actually use it in that way?)

(Kokichi’s talent, which is also extremely well-suited for dismantling the killing game, has been nerfed in a very similar way.)

But all of Kokichi’s deflection onto the topic of why Miu didn’t use the Electrohammers and work together with them has done a great job of distracting everyone from the question of why Kokichi also didn’t use the Electrohammers to fight Monokuma back in chapter 4. It’s a little frustrating that nobody calls him out on that. That’s supposedly why he got her to make them! He was just recounting his conversation with her where he claimed that’s what he was trying to do!

And the reason Kokichi didn’t use them is not remotely the same as Miu’s. Kokichi may have just as much trouble as she did believing that nobody will betray anyone, but as he’s just shown us, he has a method to prove to himself that that won’t happen. He could have done the whole fake bomb threat gambit back in chapter 4, if what he really wanted was to work together with everyone but was afraid of betrayal!

Kaito: “Quit screwing around! What are you saying!? You probably just lied about talking to Miu—”

I dunno, Kaito, those hammers definitely look like Miu’s aesthetic, and if he didn’t get them from her, where did he get them from? I don’t think Kaito can truly believe Kokichi is lying about this part and is probably still just frustrated by the fact that this is a way better plan than his.

Kokichi: “It jams electronic signals by scattering particles that interfere with electromagnetic waves. For two hours, any and all electronic devices within 50 yards will be completely disabled.”

The first sentence of this is accurate. The second sentence is misleading – Electrobombs do not disable all devices, just any function requiring a wireless signal. I’ve seen a lot of first-time players get confused during the case about what an Electrobomb can do because of this second line. It’s apparently a localisation goof… which has a lot less excuse than they sometimes do, because the line they messed up was literally one sentence after a line that described it correctly!

Kokichi: “You can use these Electrohammers not only against Monokuma… but also to get through that underground tunnel.”

Aaaand that’s the real reason Kokichi had Miu make the hammers. Of course he doesn’t want everyone to fight Monokuma with them; if they did that then they might end up managing to escape this killing game before he’s managed to win it!

Also, consider the fact that Kokichi had Miu make exactly six Electrohammers. If Miu thought he was planning to band together with everyone except her to fight back, wouldn’t she have expected him to need eight? It sure is a testament to Miu’s specific brand of stupidity that she did not question that and figure out that apparently Kokichi was planning for two more people to be dead before he got around to using these.

(Plus, the fact that there’s only six proves that getting Miu and Gonta killed was always intended as just the first step of this plan. If Kokichi had been genuinely attempting the mercy kill while also having had Miu make six Electrohammers, it means he was consciously aware of the possibility that the mercy kill might fail and was cool with that potentially happening, since he had a backup plan for if it did – a backup plan which would result in the exact opposite of what the mercy kill was trying to do. Which sure sounds like the most incredibly half-assed mercy kill attempt in the world.)

Kokichi: “I’ll let you guys talk it over. I won’t interfere anymore either.”

Kokichi’s got his sly grin for this line, which makes me think he has a pretty good idea how their discussion of this is going to go – meaning, he’s got a pretty good idea of what’s been going on in Kaito’s head lately. (Which makes sense, since at this point he’s almost certainly already decided to use Kaito as his accomplice. This might be something of a test run for that, in fact.)

Shuichi stops him before he leaves and asks what the deal is with the message in the courtyard.

Kokichi: “But I wouldn’t gain anything from writing a message like that, would I? That would just make you guys suspect I’m the mastermind.”

I’m… honestly not sure what the hell his game plan is with this claim. I’m not convinced he even has one. He absolutely did write the message to try and make people suspect he’s the mastermind. But saying this about it is just going to make people more likely to think it’s exactly the ridiculous red herring that it is.

Maki interrupts his nonsense by grabbing him by the throat.

Maki: “Tell us the truth. What are you scheming?”

She’s making a pretty good excuse for why she’s doing this, considering that threatening him for information isn’t the real reason she grabbed him and she’s actually using it as a distraction to pickpocket an Electrobomb.

Kaito: “Maki Roll, cut it out! You’ll get killed if you don’t! I told you we can’t play this killing game! That’s just what Monokuma wants!”

I love how scared Kaito’s voice sounds here. He has no idea that Maki isn’t even really threatening Kokichi, so he’s genuinely afraid she might lose control and actually go through with her threat.

Kokichi: “Y-You guys may not think that way, but I… see all of you as my friends…”

If that’s actually true, then you have a very fucked-up definition of the word “friend”. People you bully and lie to and manipulate and sometimes even kill for your own selfish gain? Yep, sure sounds like the most beautiful of friendships.

(Reminder that Gonta was the closest thing to an actual genuine friend Kokichi had and he repaid that with manipulation and murder.)

Kokichi finally does go away, leaving everyone else to discuss things.

Tsumugi: “They’ve gotta be booby trapped somehow…”

Himiko: “But looking at it, it definitely seems like something Miu made.”

Maki: “Either way, I refuse to believe anything he says.”

Kaito: “…”

Everyone is very sceptical… with the sudden exception of Kaito, despite the fact that he was the most vocally sceptical while Kokichi was explaining things.

Kaito: “But, y’know… if it’s not a lie, then isn’t this our one chance to escape!?”

Kaito never mentions his own plan again from this point on, but the fact that he calls Kokichi’s plan their “one” chance says it all. He knew the whole time that his own plan was completely terrible. He knows that, assuming Kokichi isn’t lying, this plan is far, far better than his. This is their chance to escape. His own plan never was. He didn’t want to admit that while Kokichi was there, but now that they have to make a choice, now that everyone else’s lives and their potential escape depend on which choice they make, he has to accept it.

Kaito: “If we use these Electrohammers, maybe we can get through the underground passage… So why don’t we try it?”

You thought I was done with this after trial 4, but: look at this face Kaito is making. He looks like forcing himself to accept this is practically causing him immense physical pain. He absolutely hates admitting to himself that he has no idea what he’s doing and that his own ideas can’t save anyone at all, not to mention trusting Kokichi after what he did to Gonta – but he’s doing it all the same.

(To be fair, he probably is actually in a lot of physical pain right now like he always is, but this isn’t about that. He had an almost identical sprite to this at the end of trial 4, but in that one, his face was half-blue from illness. They made a separate, less-illness-related version of that sprite solely for this moment because this is about emotional rather than physical pain. They knew how important this moment was.)

Kaito: “Our goal is to escape with everyone, right? If there’s a chance we can do it, then we should take it.”

Kaito’s saying this less to the others and more to himself. He’s been fixated on showing that he can come up with a great plan and he can be the one to save everyone, all so that he can prove himself and make things up to Shuichi. This is him finally telling himself that that never should have been the point. All that matters is that they escape. All that matters is that they take the best chance that they have. Whether the plan that lets them do that was conceived by him, by one of his friends, or even by Kokichi, it doesn’t matter. Whether Kaito gets to be the hero or not isn’t important.

Up until now in this chapter, Kaito has been obsessed with looking like a hero to the detriment of the actual plan. He seemed like he was going to sacrifice the effectiveness of the plan and risk everybody’s lives for the sake of his own pride, but with the moment actually here, with the potential consequences of him doing so staring him in the face, he can’t do it. He never would – that would be putting himself and his own desires above everyone else, and he is too selfless at his core to ever do that.

By doing this, even if he doesn’t realise it, Kaito is actually being a hero. He’s making compromises and forcing himself to acknowledge his inadequacies so that he can choose the path that’s genuinely the most likely to save everyone. This is such a seemingly innocuous moment on the surface, but it’s a huge turning point in Kaito’s character arc. He is so, so good.

Kaito: “We don’t… have enough time…”

I love that Kaito is desperate enough here that this slips out of him. If he wasn’t running out of time like this, I’m not sure he’d have been willing to make the compromise he just did. Any small contribution towards helping his friends escape is infinitely better than never getting to help at all.

But the localisation of this line could be a tiny bit better. Kaito obviously doesn’t mean “we”, and since he said this without having really meant to, he wouldn’t have consciously used the wrong subject to mislead everyone. In Japanese, his true meaning is kept ambiguous to the others by the line simply being, “There’s not enough time” – but that line would work fine in English too!

Maki: “…Time?”

Kaito: “Y-Yeah… with Monokuma. Like, he’s gonna get in our way soon.”

Yes, Kaito, that is definitely what you meant by that.

Kaito: “So let’s try the underground passage with these hammers. We’ll get to the outside world!”

And now Kaito’s managed to push aside his conflictedness and pain at admitting his own inadequacies and is back to being his usual motivational self. He may hate that this is Kokichi’s plan and not his, but that’s not going to stop him from giving it his all anyway! Kaito is such a good hero, whether he believes it himself or not.

Maki: “If that hammer is a trap, then I’ll really kill that assh—”

Kaito: “You can’t kill him. Just punch him.”

I love the way Kaito sees this. He understands that Maki would have every reason to be angry and to want to let Kokichi feel that anger – he just won’t let her do it in a way that would have awful, irreversible consequences. Of course, since Kaito was the first to take the risk of trusting him here, Kaito would be the first in line to punch Kokichi if things did turn out that way. (Which is… kind of actually what happens, in fact.)

Kaito: “Alright! Let’s get going! We’re gonna escape from that underground passage for sure this time!”

Shuichi: (Kaito gave a triumphant shout, and we all grabbed our Electrohammers.)

Kaito is so good at rallying everyone together! This is where Kaito excels – not at coming up with plans, but at getting everyone to have confidence and believe that whatever they’re about to try is going to succeed.

Shuichi: (We left the gym in high spirits.)

All thanks to Kaito! If it were someone else who’d decided to risk trusting Kokichi and try this plan, everyone would still be super nervous about if it was going to work or not. But because of Kaito’s encouragement, nobody is anywhere near as worried. Even though this isn’t his plan, Kaito is still instrumental in helping everyone carry it out, just by being himself.

And the fact that he knows (or at least hopes) he can still make a difference in this way is probably why Kaito avoided actually mentioning the fact that his own plan was terrible and he had no idea what he was doing – because if he did that, then everyone would lose all their faith in him, and how would he be able to inspire them like that?

As they head to the underground passage, Keebo is lingering behind and wants Shuichi to use the Electrohammer on him.

Keebo: “Wh-Why, of course I’m curious! The outcome will settle once and for all how Miu perceived me.”

This makes a lot more sense for him to want to do than testing the hydraulic press. That was obviously never going to have an exception for him built in. But, since they were built by Miu, the Electrohammers might – if Miu cared about him and saw him as a person enough to think to add in an exception. I can understand why Keebo would be invested in finding that out (even though I feel that the answer would probably be no). Unfortunately, now is still not a very appropriate time to do that test.

Shuichi: “Besides, it’s supposed to use a lot of energy, we shouldn’t waste it.”

This isn’t even the biggest issue. The bigger problem is that if it does work on Keebo then it’ll probably knock him unconscious, which would be incredibly inconvenient when we’re all about to head through the tunnel. We can test it after we get out of here, okay, Keebo? (Which isn’t going to happen, but.)

Down in front of the tunnel, people are still kind of nervous, but…

Kaito: “Heh, there’s no need to worry! Of course it’s gonna be a little dangerous, but… We’ve got all these Ultimates here! If we all work together, everything will be all right!”

This is almost the same thing Kaede said in this exact situation four chapters ago! And I’m sure Kaito knows that he’s calling back to her words here. Kaito himself has never really mentioned or seemed to put that much stock in the fact that they’re Ultimates (because anyone can be extraordinary whether they have a recognised talent or not), but Kaede did that all the time, so Kaito doing so here is almost certainly on purpose. Kaito and Kaede are both so good and I love them and the parallels between them so much.

Shuichi: “…Those words…”

Kaito: “Yeah… we can finally fulfil Kaede’s wish.”

Kaito looked Shuichi in the eye to say this! He still isn’t quite ready to do that yet for normal purposes (which we’ll see in a second), but he’s doing it to say this because this isn’t about him and his own issues and is entirely about honouring Kaede and her wish. Apparently he got so caught up in that that he temporarily forgot about his own reasons for not being able to face Shuichi.

Kaito: “Our promise to work together to get out of here… and become friends…”

God, Kaito. He is saying this while knowing full well that he cannot keep that promise to stay friends with everyone once they’re out of here because he’s going to die. But at least everyone else will continue to be friends without him, and that’s all that matters any more.

You’re left with the option to talk to everyone once more before heading through the tunnel. Most of them have something fairly optimistic to say, but Kaito… still isn’t looking Shuichi in the eye. Not when it’s about himself. To anyone else, he’d have words of encouragement like he’s been giving since he decided on this plan, but he still can’t face Shuichi in that way. (Because Shuichi’d just see straight through it and know that he’s faking, especially after he could obviously tell how bad Kaito’s own plan was, right?)

Kaito: “We don’t have time to talk… Let’s go.”

Even so, he doesn’t completely ignore Shuichi either. If he really just didn’t want to talk to him at all, he’d brush off Shuichi’s approach and say nothing like he’s been doing most times (and this isn’t his evasive face here; it’s his pained face). So this actually means a lot, because it implies that Kaito does want to talk to Shuichi, just not quite yet, not until after they do this. As if, once they get through the tunnel and escape from this place, he’ll finally be ready to talk about what happened in Gonta’s trial and apologise. As if, so long as this plan works, that’ll be enough for him to make it up to Shuichi and be worthy of looking him in the eye again. Even though he just had to accept that his own plans are terrible, Kaito’s still hoping that by making the right call in trusting Kokichi and by encouraging everyone to push forward with this plan instead, that’ll make him just enough of a hero all the same.

This is enough, Kaito. At least, it would be if you actually needed to prove yourself to Shuichi in order to make things up to him in the first place, which you never did, you moron.

Shuichi: (With the hammer that Miu invented… I know we can do it. …I have to believe that. I kept repeating that to myself as I stepped into the tunnel.)

Shuichi does not sound convinced that this is going to work out. I doubt anyone is, really (not even Kaito) – but it’s thanks to Kaito that they can tell themselves it will and have the confidence to give it their all regardless.

So, more Death Road of Despair time! It is possible to get characters eliminated and yet still make it to the end so long as you have at least one character remaining, which doesn’t seem in line with canon. Obviously all six of them do make it to the end, and obviously they’d refuse to go on as soon as one of them was eliminated so as to not leave anyone behind, since they think they’re all about to escape.

Also please consider that if Shuichi were to get himself caught in a trap, it would definitely be Kaito who’d be the first to recklessly throw himself into danger to try and save him. Kaito has not stopped caring about Shuichi one bit, after all. This would be much to the surprise of a Shuichi who’s still assuming Kaito is angry at him, and would maybe result in Shuichi being a little more bold about trying to talk to him. And saving Shuichi from something like this would incidentally help prove Kaito to be a hero (not that I think that notion would consciously be on his mind in the heat of the moment when Shuichi is in danger), which might also make Kaito more willing to respond. Can you tell I have thought way too much about hypothetical situations that would get these two to realise they’re being idiots about this.

Anyway, in reality probably none of that actually happens, because this version of the minigame is laughably easy if you just keep pressing the win button. Which is fair enough, because not everyone who plays a visual novel is going to be any good at platformers, and it would be a dick move to have anything vaguely resembling an actual platforming challenge impede progress with the story.

…One downside to mashing the Electrohammer button constantly is that the noise the hammers make is very loud and annoying when repeated over and over. But needs must.

---

[Next post]

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 5 #daily life #commentary

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inusam · 5 years

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Found MY HAPPY PLACE, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! Rant Part 1: ALICE????? Damn that’s Long!

Let me just start of with DAMN!!!!!!! WHAT AN EPISODE!!!!! MOREEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ok admitting it now I was a main Queliot shipping since pretty much Season 1 episode 1 when Eliot looked Quentin up and down the he was trying to figure out which end he was going to start eating first (innuendo intended), and it only got stronger the longer I watched. Soooooooo..... I’m going to be going off about my ship but I’ll keep it to the end.

I will be the first one to say LOUDLY in fact that Alice has been one of least favorite characters since even before the series started. (No, not just because of my ship. Didn’t like even before that.) Seriously I didn’t want to even start watch at when I first saw the trailer with her in it, and ever trailer after reconfirmed my decision till I accidentally started watching it on Netflix , got a few minutes in and found out I don’t just have one female character I hated I had two Julia. My positions on Julia are now very complicated but I love watching her character arc now, even if I can’t get all the way back behind the her like I do with the others. But my very ardent dislike of both Alice and pretty much a majority of her screen time has been pretty damn the same 80% of time. Sure there are moments that I like or find cute or interesting but the pass usually rather quickly. Mostly because a majority of her character, her arc , and/or just her personalities’ tend to be prime examples of bad writing tv tropes the I have come to HATE SO MUCH. No not cliche trope cause I can like those if give the right context, though Alice isn’t anyway. I mean shortcut, cheat-codes,bullshit handed to you on a stick TV tropes that just diminish what they are trying to say to move on with the story instead of giving it what the story needs.

Until this episode... this episode I actually wanted to talk about her, and not just in an angry and annoyed rant. Well not only.... ITS PROGRESS! Further more it gave me hope that it will continue.

Alice.........................(Starting Mainly focused on Character , then Relationships)

One of the few times I was actually fully invested in her story in that wasn’t based on any other character in a positive light was when the group go to Plovers house, and they discover the truth. So it only makes sense that the episode that makes me hopeful for her story going further starts with her and Plover. (Side note: I have seen people say Quentin calling back to Plover, being his favorite author is him trying to lessen what Plovers crime’s but I don’t see that way. But since its a Quentin focus that really does have to do with Alice; I’ll get into that later.) Her argument with Plover about his sins and her point of view on of he can’t be trusted to get what he wants let only deserve it goes as a really interesting rhythm to her and Q interactions. Though I really don’t know how I feel about the comparing of those to two. Especially considering the thing Q is stonewalling her about isn’t even the killing and torturing of creature some even children, but the betrayal and Plovers is sexually assaulting a child. But to address her question; No, I don’t think her sending Plover to the Poison Room makes her worse or better. Its one of those things that everybody has a different answer but no one knows what they would do till it happens. Her sending him to him “Death” (She didn’t lock it and we didn’t see him die, ok.) IS understandable. The thing I think that might, MIGHT put a tally in the worse column is that she didn’t stop to ask that question until Q’s reaction to her reveal. Only made worse by the way she revealed. Like she wanted a metal, reward or a pat on her head for it. (Which actually took a hit about the one thing she had going for me that the other characters didn’t, her independence. Even in her most dependent moments; she loved Q, but he was never her crutch.) But it moved on quickly from that so it wasn’t so bad.

Now on to the relationships..... I loved this episode in case you can’t tell, but what I loved most about this episode was what it did for the relationships. Yes I said RELATIONSHIPSSSSSS, plural, that right all of them. What it closed what it open, put in focus ALL OF IT especially what those relationship did or will do for the characters. But this rant is about Alice’s relationships (YES mostly Quentin because most of her relationship are Quentin or Quentin by Proxy). So let’s talk.

I should probably say that I love that the group (Quentin, Julia and by exception if nothing else: the rest of the questers.) have forgiven her, and don’t want her around. No that is not just Alice hate. It’s freeing in a way and it one of the thing that gives me hope about being further invested in her story arc. I don’t actually want or think they should forgive her or let only trust her, not yet at least. For one, she hasn’t actually apologized. Two, she hasn’t in any way actually shown she thought her actions were wrong, all she gave is justifications and I’m sorry I caused this because of my action not I’m sorry for my action, which is one of the main reasons everybody is pissed at her, her action not just the unforeseen thing she had no way of predicting. I have seen a lot of people saying Q should have forgive her like he forgave Julia, since she did basically the same thing. But the way I saw and interpreted this actually different. I am not really Julia-apologist with the view that she can do no wrong and is completely justified. In fact as previously stated I started off hating her just as much sometimes more than Alice and now I do generally enjoy her story and seeing where it goes along with her adorable moments, mostly with Q I still can’t bring myself to like her. (Mostly for what she did to Q in that one episode.. You all know the one. But that’s for a Julia centered rant.) But it actually isn’t the same thing.

Sure when if you strip down the story to the most basic detail sure it has similar lines. One of the group does something betraying or otherwise and the rest of them if not the world/worlds end up having to pay for the backlash and its all that characters fault. I HATE when stories do this, and so many do. They strip down the details to make one person/group understandable or forgivable to another because they kinda sorta did the same thing expect for all the important stuff but ignore all that. No, the the devil really is in the details. They are IMPORTANT. The how, why, when, where are actually very important, not just the what. If they weren’t you wouldn’t bother spending money and time showing them to me and I wouldn’t care. I call it FUN-HOUSE EFFECT. I HATE IT, SSSSSOOOOO MUCH. It is BAD writing and it’s everywhere, even in really good shows, shows I love. Which just made that more excited about the writer not take the easy way out with Alice. Because that is what the Fun-House Effect is the easy way out, instead of the right way. The right way where forgiveness is a journey to get through no a detestation to move on from, and no I don’t mean a redemption arc. Though I do love a good one. I would like to point out it they’re not always the same thing. It cheapens all involve the origin sin oh now I understand sin along with the forgiveness sin along with all the feelings involve. Especially, because when writer use it to get the forgiveness the character and the story plot involved or driving by it don’t get what makes it all worth the pain, closure and since they never really get it in the story we never really feel it. I mean think about it this way just because two song about the same thing does mean they are the same and like any song it should be able to justify itself on it’s own. Putting them side by side or together in mash-up of any kind should enhance them both not diminish them. If it does it bad writing in a song or a story. I’m probably getting to carried away with the bad examples, and I’m totally getting carried away with my Fun-House rant.

Like I was saying sure in its most basic forum it’s one character goes against the group and/or does something stupid and all of them if not the rest of the school/kingdom/world/worlds has to deal with the backlash of that person/people’s action. Everybody else when they made their stupid/selfish/selfless ‘betrayal’ it was them putting themselves or someone else before the group/world by making a different decision but that was their choice. Even if it meant going against the others. Josh when he ran back to Brakebills, Penny when he sold out Quentin to be expelled, Julia when she took the knife or, Kady when she took the battery, Eliot when he shot the Monster, even Margo with the Fairy deal, Quentin when he didn’t help Julia ,they all made choices that they put in front other people’s and those people were mad and then forgiven it was a journey to some and understandable to others. Wrong, selfish and/or stupid choices they were but they all made them but the one thing they didn’t do is try and take away their choices and Alice tried to do that. Kady said best herself last season Alice doesn’t get to make that choices for everybody. In fact Alice made her choices she didn’t trust herself around magic, that’s why she and took the Memory Potion that was her putting her self above and before everyone (And actually her explaining it to is one of the moments I like of her in the last season and felt generally invested in), her leaving Breakbills after the whole thing with her brother her choice. What was not her choice was trying to make sure nobody had magic, because SHE thinks they don’t deserve it. To add insult to injury they were so busy trying to defend themselves from her trying to take away their choice it left them completely unprepared for what came after and just to spit in their face it turns out she took the potion so she wouldn’t have to face the consciences of said action. And she only trying to make up for the insult. That’s one of the main difference in situation about everything else.

Other points as follows;

Quentin and everybody already didn’t trust her when they let her in on the quest after discovering she was working with the Library but they gave her the benefit of the doubt because of what and who she to them (Mainly Quentin) before without her expressing anything learned or changed trying to take their choice away and give control to the Library. And oh look she changed her method but she still fucking tried to take their and everybody’s choice away about magic. Different plan same objective.It makes total sense that not only would they not forgive or even try understanding anymore even more so considering that they were all trying to do that before even going as far as to not want her help. I mean if someone who had tried to take away my choice while ‘helping’ before tried to ‘help’ me again in any way I would shut that shit down as fast as possible. So I loved the show’s reaction to her. Even more I love what I think it means for her next. Growth for Alice in a positive way, which don’t think she actually had.

Alice herself hasn’t grown in a positive way like all the other character. If anything thing happen to and/or around Alice beside for some and I do mean some aspects of her relationship with Quentin almost always went negatively toward Alice’s character. Her discovering what happened to her brother, her parents, dying, killing the Beast become a Niffin, coming back to life, being without magic, being around Quentin, Not being around Quentin, getting Julia’s spark, almost dying again, having to give up Julia’s spark, her dad dying, her trying to find her knowledge of magic again, making a deal with the library, breaking a deal with the library, destroying the keys all of it in a negative way. Just when you think it couldn’t go deeper into worse she gets a magically shovel and starts digging, Hell even the supposed good parts, with Quentin are linked with how bad that relationship was at the start and how toxic it became.

With Quentin very much shutting the book on them, it gives me chills with where her character can go. What I see come to her. Connection not related to Quentin. Like previously hinted at when talking about her independence, Q was her connection not her crutch. Which is maybe the one thing that their ship has above the others to me in a positive point separate some of the other main ships in the show, even platonic friendship ones and it has a negative impact on one if not both. Do they grow and become better somehow to sometimes, depends on the ships and situation sure. But you take those to and they get better apart. One of those main bad writing tropes that is all over Alice is that they never have her make a connection outside of Quentin. Even the moments she has with almost all the other characters is only happening because of Quentin indirectly or not. Now with Quentin and her at a close(thank god) she can hopefully start making other connection and those connections can help her grow like the others’ connections have helped them grow and change in both bad and GOOD ways.So she can finally get to a person she wants to be, again. Not the same person because that Alice is dead and gone and has been for a while. (Took you long enough to see and accept it, Coldwater.)

Hopefully Our Lady of the Tree or Underground send my hope to the writers.

#Quentin Coldwater #eliot waugh #queliot #alice quinn #penny adiyodi #margo hanson #coldwaughter #the magicians syfy #the magicians #peaches and plums motherfucker #proof of concept #julia wicker #escaping the happy place #day in the life

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schuneko · 7 years

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The Awesomeness that is John Barrowman/ Motor City Comic Con.

Friday:

Having had to fight with staff and then deal with broken wheelchairs.

Fight is really, the wrong word. The Con staff was, actually, quite, friendly and accommodating. Save for this one issue…

I was at my end and I doubt my friend was feeling much better. My first photo op of the weekend, was at 5:15. The scooter we had secured, wouldn’t be there till Six. Already having had to forfeit any time for Autographs, I wasn’t about to miss it. So, Kale got me up and into a chair, with at least one foot rest, still intact. Every time we hit a bump, my leg slid off the rest, because of the brace. Finally, I held it as best I could with my good foot.

For what it’s worth, being disabled does give you a few perks. We were treated like VIP’s even though we only had regular passes. Having to sit and wait for things, also means you make friends with the staff and they remember you!

Remembering your p’s and q’s to a fault goes a long way with people as well!

They directed us to the front of the line. We were literally feet away, when JB came out with a bull horn. Giving out rules and instructions for his photo ops; like always. He looked over, recognition flashed and he grinned. Now I may be a fangirl, but I’ve been taught, this little thing called, common courtesy. I have respect and limits. I honestly think it’s why people like him, seem to go the extra mile around me. Having an ultra-rare and super depressing disability, never hurts either…

Or you know, I’m being a fanciful idiot, but I like living that dream.

Anyway, instead of calling out to him, I just smiled back and waited, while he went behind the curtain. Kale wheeled me in and Kelsey, John’s PA smiled and was like ‘hey I remember you!’

I’ll try to keep this as verbatim as I can, but everything happened very fast, considering and a lot is my interpretation etc. Nothing here is fiction, but still. (Also I think there is one actual swear word, so apologies n stuff.)

I gave them my ticket and I think this was the one where he was busy, while I was getting up. I remember being standing already when he recognized me again.

“Hey it’s you, how are you!” John enthused. Or you know, something to the extent of that. I don’t know if it was the stress of the day or what, but I was fully honest with him. Told him about the crazy long day, can’t remember what I said. I imagine I looked absolutely shattered. He grabbed my arm so I would have to ‘hobble’ closer. With a grin, he said, “Well you just need a big old hug then!”

I’m thinking, ‘oh dear sweet baby Jesus, yes!’ (That brace fricken hurts! I deserve a hug.) Not even waiting for the camera, he flings his arms around me and pulls me in. It was only a few seconds, but it was enough for me. Not ready to let go, he told me to look at said camera, I did and they snapped the pic. Still not letting go, he shifted me, keeping at least one arm around me and apologized to Kale for forgetting him. He seemed just fine with the fact, I was attached to his side like a limpet, the whole time.

I can only assume he’d heard me tell my friend to ‘get his arse in there’ (the picture). Kale had totally gone to bat for me that day and I’d felt he should be in the photo. During the hug, I’d sort of went la la and forgotten I’d said it. Apparently, John hadn’t. The first picture was on him and we’d take another. They only charged like 10.00 for the print of the first shot. It was basically like getting a free photo op!

I’d turned back, squeezed him harder in goodbye and told him we’d be at his table tomorrow. “Good.” John stated, in almost a, ‘you better be’ tone.

Internally I was combusting. Outwardly, I smiled as he walked me over to the wheelchair. Exclaiming the whole time, that he was happy to see me, especially in Cosplay. I was like, “Well yeah, just because I’m in a chair doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it.” He seemed to like that answer. When John was sure I was ok, he turned back to everyone else.

We tooled around Artist’s Alley till they called to say the Scooter would be there soon. That was pretty much the end of Friday.

Saturday:

Turns out the scooter, like everything else, was made for people with working or bendable legs. Not willing to spend another day waiting. I found a way to deal, even though it made wearing the brace, extra, uncomfortable. I had made JB a gift and ended up having to put it in a plastic bag, because the other one had ripped. Did make it slightly easier to carry though. In my haste to get to the line I’d forgotten to grab my money and my phone. Kale rushed over with one after the other, then went back to guard the scooter. Arms full, I passed his sister and promised to be back later. I looked up and saw Scott behind a plethora of Barrowman merchandise. Told him I might get something tomorrow when I had less to carry. My arms were starting to shake and I didn’t want to drop anything. He pointed to the CD’s and told me those were the only ones left. I said I was planning on ordering a shirt. Then I looked right at him and explained my ‘fixed’ income. He smiled and nodded in understanding. Next was Kelsey who smiled and said hi. She was taking the money, I looked from my money pouch, to my full arms, to her. Dropped it in front of her and said, “I trust you, can you get it?” She grinned and counted out the right amount then held it up and recounted to show me.

I nodded, smiled and took the pouch back. I shuffled forward and John looked up, eyes beaming. “Hey girl! You’re walking!?” He looked so incredulous and happy.

I hated to burst that bubble…

I told him about the scooter, my worsening depth perception, and the Anxiety. He nodded, almost sagely, then looked around.

“They didn’t make you stand in this line did they!?” John growled. He looked pissed and ready to go beat on some people. I assured him they hadn’t and he smiled again. Seriously starting to shake, I held out his gift. Needing to get it off my arm.

Remembering our conversation in Atlanta. I’d decided to make him A ‘Bad Day Kit’ he, really, liked the chocolate. Giving me this wide excited grin, when he uncovered it. I, honestly, don’t think he got many gifts at this Con.

Next, I set down the prints I had, intending to get them out. He took the package and proceeded to help. They were commissioned prints from Kale, I had gotten awhile back and they’d turned out amazing! I’d therefor, wanted to show him and he said they were beautiful. He signed two! (I’d only paid for one signature) I now had a free autograph and a free photo op! My hand was shaking, as I fought with my phone so we could take the selfie. John grabbed my cell, exclaiming at my home screen. (It’s set to the selfie from Atlanta.) “Aww this is a great picture!” He gushed.

Me: *Durrrr* ‘I love you.’

“Here I’ll show you an easy way.” (Talking about getting to picture mode.) He leaned into me, like he was sharing a secret.

“Ok.” I stated, kind of dazed after all he’d already done. Stepping closer, practically leaning on him, while he got it to work. He turned around for the selfie and I’d ended up on the wrong side. Told him, a little sheepishly, I needed to make a ‘three-point turn’ to successfully get turned around. When John told me to make the silly face I, actually, made the ‘blah’ sound to go with it. He seemed to like that.

“Where is your scooter parked?” He asked and I blinked, pointing and telling him where we left it. “Can you make it there?” John asked seriously.

Despite having started to shake again, I told him yes, but then my brain betrayed me and I mumbled. “I think so.”

“Stay here I’ll get it for you.”

Me: ‘Whaaaa’ “You don’t have to…”

John was gone and every phone in a 10 yard radius was out. I barely heard the beep, as he seamlessly backed it into the exit lane of the autograph line. I stepped closer, only to have him speed forward and proceed to do a few laps up and down the aisle. Screaming like a lunatic the entire time! The line behind me was cheering so loud, people in connecting booths were pulling curtains back to see what was going on.

I was trying not to cry.

I can’t remember his exact words, but John shouted something like, “I bet I’m giving you Anxiety now!” The line erupted and I doubled over. He backed into the lane again. Noticing my purse was his noh8 bag. “Here let me fix this for you! So, you can all see me!” John crowed, moving the bag so it faced out.

I’m just watching in awe, as it’s been like 5 minutes already!

He gets up and motions me forward. Watching to make sure I get seated ok and Kale lifts my foot as I had to step in wrong. After overseeing that process. John sees the prints, taking them first, to make sure the signatures are dry. He hands them over and points. (Bad depth perception does not equal blind John. I’m not there…yet…) I tell him I have other photo ops; he’ll see me again.

“Of course I will.” John smiles and I, really, have no clue how I keep it together long enough to leave the line and get to a place we can stop for a moment. Finally, I can stop and think. I, really, begin to shake and I start to cry.

I, really, don’t know how Anything will ever top that!

I reign it in and it’s off to John’s panel, where we get front row! (See disability perks.) Turns out, its Kelsey’s birthday. We sing and then he brings in a cake. He asks us to raise our hands if we want a piece. I think, ‘what the hell’ and raise my hand. Scott is one of the people bringing out the cut cake. He smiles and heads for me. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a fork, so I ate what I could without one and had to throw out the rest. I never got to ask my question, but decided asking it the next day would be fine. All in all, it was still a really great panel.

My first photo op was a duo with John and Billie. For whatever reason, they never printed the right ticket. We were pulled off to the side while they fixed the problem. Finally, they directed us back inside the ‘booth’. John lit up and came over to help, grabbing my arm as I held his hand. There was a moment where everything just switched off and my muscles all locked.

“Nope.” I exclaimed, luckily I was still over enough of the chair to fall onto it. I shook my head a bit, apologized and got back up.

“Stop saying sorry, you’re fine.” John huffed and Billie came over as I explained my idea. She seemed to, really, like it. “Ok, do your three-point turn!” He stated, holding my hand, arm on my back as I awkwardly shuffled around. You’d think I’d be mortified and yet I couldn’t stop smiling, as Billie kept telling me I was doing a good job.

I love every one of my photo ops, but this is definitely, a favorite.

“I’m coming right back; you’ll see me in a minute!” I laughed as I headed out. He shook his head and said something to the extent of, ‘Ok, good.’

About 20 minutes later we were ‘rolling’ back into the booth. He was right there, helping me forward. “Girl you are just a glutton for punishment!” John joked as he wrapped his arm around me.

Very tactile, this one. (No complaints here!)

“I have another photo tomorrow so…” I think I managed to look proud and sheepish at the same time.

“Of course you do.”

He never made me feel like a weirdo for it. I never got that vibe from him. It was always a ‘you better’ sort of tone, rather than a, ‘seriously? More?’ one.

Voice shaking for some reason, I explained my idea and we took the photo. *insert more JB hugs here*

More tooling around the ally and thus ends Saturday.

Sunday:

Met Billie and she remembered me from the Photo Op. Asked so many questions about KTS and S/PWS that her PA had to step in. She is a real sweetheart! Even walked over, so I didn’t have to get out of the cart.

Next, it was off to the last Photo Op with John. He smiled and rushed over, I was trying to get out the guns. Without thinking I just handed them off to him and started working on getting up.

“These are so cool and I see the vortex manipulator, awesome!” John gushed. “Ok, what did you want to do sweetie?” He asks.

“Um, I was thinking hugging, but guns aiming out.”

“Perfect!”

“I need to be standing this way.” I said, wanting/needing the good arm to aim.

“Yes, right.” John replies, stepping up so he’s pretty much ‘plastered’ to my back.

Me: ‘Brain shorts out’

He wraps an arm around my bad shoulder, about to aim with the other. Somehow, I’m with it enough to reach out. He’s kept the Webly and given me the Enforcer. (What I call the larger of the Angel Makers.) John’s free hand, wraps over my arm and presses down, directing my aim.

I remember James Marsters telling me the same things, last year, but we posed back to back, he never had a reason to hold my arm.

Anyway, if you’ve ever seen Torchwood and the weapons training between Jack and Gwen...

It took me till Monday to, really, realize, I’d just gotten the equivalent of a weapons training session, with Captain Jack Harkness!!

I’m, fully, aware he’s known for grabbing body parts and people grabbing his; but that is just… …Advdhdtykugjfasrdhdn!!!! *Squees so hard it’s not funny…*

After, he’s still looking at the Webly. Aiming it, like a kid playing guns. “You want to keep it, don’t you?” I snicker.

“I dunno, you’re pretty protective of these.” John laughs, as he walks me over to the scooter.

“They’re my babies! I worked ‘very’ hard on them!”

I feel hyper and drunk, am I drunk? Come to think of it, I’ve been pretty much in some sort of daze around him from Friday on. Kale has offered him a gun again, noticing his interest.

“Are you kidding!? She’s looking at me like ‘you better give me the fucking gun back!’.” John grinned, glancing at me as he said it. I grinned at him as we were led out, looking back as. “I’ll see you in a minute.”

Carol, had ended up moving tables to the beginning of John’s so her booth was free for me to ‘pull’ in and wait. It was there, that my brain reconnected and I looked at Kale. *Giggle* “He just said he’d see me in a minute.” *giggle*

Kale looked at me, nodded wisely and said. “He’s a smart man, he knows.”

Again, it felt like he wanted to see me, not like my, continued presence was annoying. It doesn’t feel like an act either. It’s like he knows how important his interactions with me are. To me at least.

The Anxiety and Depression, are great at reminding me, I’m most likely being a sentimental twat. Then I remember every unprompted thing he’s said or done. I remember I, really, don’t care. It makes me happy and it’s not hurting anyone.

He makes it back to the table. Line filled, as always. I’m down to my last $20 for the weekend and I decide to get Carol’s autograph. Turns out Kelsey and Kale had talked about Carol loving cats and, really, liking my cat ears. So, I showed Carol a pic of my fur babies and she said they were very cute. Scott and Kelsey were together. I admitted to having found Torchwood radio plays and not having money for another autograph. She smiled, “Saying goodbye then?”

I nodded and smiled back. John had been crouched down, talking to a kid. Looking at Kelsey first before seeing me. She told him I was here to say goodbye. He started to say goodbye to me in every language he knew, his arms open wide. I shuffled forward and flung my arms around him. Turning my head, because I always feel like I’m stabbing him in the chest with my nose. We end the hug and he exclaims that I dropped something. I look down and it’s his pen. He bends down to get it and my bad hand ends up brushing over his spikey hair. Then he asks about the scooter. Part of me hopes for a repeat of yesterday. It’s not to be as it turns out Kale is bringing it over, but the lane is to small. I know now, a repeat would have made Saturday less special.

Blinking, I remember the question. I ask if I can ask him. I promise to make it fast.

Maybe he remembers me not getting to ask yesterday. (Good lord, do I, really, make that big of an impression on this guy?)

He grins, “Of course you can.”

So, I ask and he answers, while he moves the poles so Kale can get the cart in. I’m oblivious, as he is ignoring everything about introverts and personal space. (I honestly couldn’t care less.)

I remember I have a dollar to give him. (Watch the panel, it will make better sense.) My very last, every other is in change. He takes it and I tell him it’s my last one. He gasps and pushes it back into my hand.

“I can’t take that!”

I tell him, I have other money. It’s just the last for the Con. He’s holding my hand, squeezing it around the dollar.

“You have to keep it, it’s unlucky for me to take it.” John says seriously.

“Ok.” He’s turning away and it’s like he knows I’m still there. “Thank you for my Bad Day Kit, I’ll see you next time!” John throws back.

I’m grinning like an idiot as I drive away.

Fin.

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