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damianfitz · 4 years

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MEET DAMIAN

1. Full Name?

Damian Elliot Fitzgerald.

2. Preferred Names or Nicknames?

Damian doesn’t have any nicknames and he’s not really the type to go by one.

3. What does their name mean? Does it have any significance in their family? Do they like their name?

Damian means “to tame”, chosen by his father who took inspiration from St. Cosmas and Damian -- the patron saints of pharmacy and medicine. Context: the Fitzgeralds are a hoity toity family full of doctors, at least on his dad’s side. Elliot is his father’s name. Damian very much enjoys his name and likes to think that he’s very special and great things are meant for him because he carries his father’s name. (Unlike his ridiculously perfect older brother who is only named after their grandfathers, ha!)

4. Age and Date of Birth?

He is 18 years old and his date of birth is April 19, 2001.

5. Gender and Pronouns?

Cis Male. He/him.

6. Hometown?

Boston, MA.

7. Does your character fit into any well known archetypes or tropes?

The Chief? The Gentleman? I’m bad at archetypes. He’s also a very stereotypical Aries dude. (Me, pretending I know anything about zodiacs.)

8. How long have they been at Broadripple?

Damian has been enrolled at Broadripple since Freshman year.

9. What led them to apply to Broadripple? Was it a decision made by them or by their parents/guardians or somewhere in between?

Before his father even graduated from Broadripple, he planned that his children would attend the academy. They’re a staple there; it’s tradition and the Fitzgeralds are all about that.

10. Whether they’ve been at Broadripple four days or four years, do they enjoy it? Do they like Broadripple?

Damian absolutely adores Broadripple. He’s been fed stories about house Fenwick and the academy since he was old enough to understand words. Growing up, he fantasized about Broadripple the way some kids fantasize about attending Harvard or Yale. Every school he’s attended prior to Broadripple was just a stepping stone as far as he’s concerned.

11. What house are they in? Do they care very much about their house?

Fenwick. And abso-freakin’-lutely. He treats the house like he’s their dad and often refers to its members as his ‘Fenwick family’. He tends to go out of his way to befriend and develop close bonds with them, whether or not it seems like they’ll get along. Damian fully believes that the best kind of leadership is respect-based, so he’s relentlessly proactive -- always trying to take care of and encourage his Fenwickians with the hope that all of his hard work and toil will pay off in the long run. He 100% intends on winning the Clary Cup and getting his name engraved on the Clary shield before graduation so it’s important to him that his ship is always tight and out of trouble. #fenwickpride

12. Who do they share a dorm with, or are they on their own for the moment? What are they like to live with? Are they clean or messy? Early risers or night owls?

Damian shares a dorm with Connor Roberts, who he decided he quite likes so he’s been making an effort to develop a friendship with him. Damian likes to consider himself a very good roommate -- an ideal roommate even. He’s always mindful that his side of the room is tidy, with everything in its place and that his bed is always made when he’s not sleeping in it. He sleeps early and rises early. Since the start of November, he’s been a little restless for obvious reasons so he’s gotten a bit... nitpicky. If he sees something of Conny’s that’s on the floor or seems out of place and Conny’s not there, he’ll pick it up and put it where he thinks it belongs. He’ll also like, fluff a pillow if he thinks it looks a little flat, smoothens out the sheets if it looks a lil creased. You could leave your books open to random pages all over your bed and leave, and when you come back, they’re all neatly stacked on your desk and bookmarked and Damian’s just like :) I hope you don’t mind. You might have wanted to rest on your bed upon return so I took the liberty of tidying up for you. He’s just a little more intense than usual since Izzy’s disappearance.

13. How is your character’s dorm decorated? Is it bare or bursting at the seems with personality? Any particular sentimental items from home?

It’s very classic and masculine. All of his desk accessories are matching and made of tan leather and accented with brass. His mattress is fitted with fancy white Hotel™ bedding but his duvet is deep red because #fenwickpride. There’s a large monthly planner that adorns the wall that his bed is pushed against so he can review what’s in store for him tomorrow/for the week before he falls asleep. A bi-fold picture frame sits on his desk. One half holds a photo of him, his sister, and their parents. (Where is Joseph? We just don’t know.) The other half holds a photo of the 3 Fitzgerald beagles looking cute as hell bc obvi. Everything clearly has its place except these 3 photos that are stuck to the wall in front of Damian’s desk with tape (gasp!). One of the God Squad being pure having a picnic somewhere, one of Alpha being cute just because, and one of him and Eliza that he took that she doesn’t like because her face is in it and she’s laughing and that obviously isn’t allowed but like it’s Damian’s favorite so sucks 2 suck.

14. What is their favourite subject at school? Do they even have a favourite? Why?

Of all of the classes he’s taking right now, Damian’s favorite is World Culture. He likes learning about other cultures and ways of life; he thinks it’s interesting.

15. Are they involved in any clubs? Which ones?

He’s been a member of the Buddy Club since his second half of his Freshman year. He’s Vice President of the Student Weekend Activities Team. He’s also the secretary for the Student Council.

16. How does your character feel about Broadripple’s Unofficial Clubs? Do they know about them? Are they a part of any of them?

Damian thinks the Broadripple Boys Club is childish and in poor taste. He avoids associating with them if he can help it but he’s civil with them for the most part even if he thinks they need new hobbies other than destroying property, lives, and their livers.

He’s a member of the Unofficial Chastity Club because celibacy is important and you should always leave room for Jesus. 👀 (It's also a very good reminder that he shouldn’t listen to his hormonal teen body no matter how incessant.)

He doesn’t know about Broadripple Unsolved but if he did, he’d think it was a waste of time.

17. Does your character participate in any sports? If so, what made them join the team?

Damian is Swim captain and a member of the Cross Country team.

The Fitzgeralds think it’s important that their children grow up involved in at least one sport because the physical/social/mental benefits are far too great. Swimming just happened to be what Damian naturally gravitated toward and was best at, so it was no-brainer that it’s the team that he wanted to join upon arrival four years ago. (It may have also been about wanting to assert dominance since he’s been swimming competitively and kicking ass since the age of 8.)

As for Cross Country, Damian’s parents have always encouraged a healthy lifestyle. They’re the type of parents that jog in the morning and make the family run a 5K every year. It was familiar. He also just wanted to be able to workout and not worry about becoming a prune.

18. What afternoon activities does your character do? Do they just do the one mandatory one or are they involved in multiple? Why?

Damian is an animal shelter volunteer. He’s a big dog lover and he cares a lot about the city’s furry friends so it was the obvious choice. He’d honestly do more than one if he had the time -- he was a nursing home volunteer during his Junior year and he loved it -- but considering his involvement in literally everything else, he decided to stick with just one.

19. Do they miss their home when they’re at Broadripple? Do they often go home for the weekends or do they only go home during holiday breaks?

Funnily enough, not really. Damian isn’t the type of person to miss places. The person he would miss the most from home is his sister, Eliza, and since she attends Broadripple with him so he doesn’t really ‘miss home’. He does go home every weekend though unless there’s a SWAT outing planned because he misses his dogs and his parents think it’s nice if the family sits and has a meal together at least once a week. Also often, there’s a schmancy event the Fitzgerald kids need to show up at so their parents can boast of their achievements and show off what good parents they are, so :)))

20. Did your character know Izzy De Santis or Maggie Monroe?

Yes. They were all part of the same Bible-loving group of buddies that the Weekend Warriors cleverly dubbed the God Squad. Izzy was also Damian’s best friend and right-hand man, so he’s terribly saddened by the sudden hole the Melleray Senior left in his life. And while he wasn’t as close with Maggie, Damian does feel quite disturbed by her sudden departure as well. He just finds it rather difficult to keep in mind that her disappearance is just as important as Izzy’s when Maggie wasn’t the one who spotted Damian at the gym every other day.

21. Has your character heard of Edith Lynch? Do they know the story?

Yes and yes. It was a topic of conversation at the dinner table once and never again because his parents think it’s that ridiculous that people have made it some ~haunting tale. His parents, having both attended Broadripple, described it as a ‘terrible mishap that people have blown out of proportion’ and that’s exactly how Damian chooses to describe it if he hears anyone speak of it and need his two cents on the matter.

22. How does your character feel about Nighmore? Have they noticed the recently closed shops yet?

To Damian, Nighmore is just your everyday quaint little town. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that they’re all very friendly and always willing to engage in a bit of conversation. He just thinks it’s good manners. He would even go as far as to say the rest of America needs to be a little more like Nighmore.

Yes, he’s noticed they’ve closed down. Though, he’s more bothered by The Kettle being closed than Hill’s Wholefoods. He was a really big fan of their lattes so it’s a bit disappointing to him that he can’t enjoy that product anymore. He quickly got over it though and hasn’t paid much of a visit to Nighmore since then.

23. Have you made any aesthetic Pinterest boards/WeHeartIt collections for this character? Or playlists? Anything you would like to share!

Pinterest / Playlist / Musings / Schedule

#listen i've been meaning to do this for 2342 years but things get away from you when you have one brain cell ok #smack that like button and i'll boop you for plots 🎉#bahq:task1 #damian ; musings #bahq:task

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multishipperlove · 6 years

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More from this lovely sastiel AU (shhh, I know I’m the only one who cares about this) bc I wrote this months ago, when I also posted the first thing, but meh... I’ll never complete anything written in my LIFE so might as well post my ramblings here. Complete backstories for this AU under the cut:

Sam and Cas meet at a support meeting for single dads or single parents in general. Claire is four, Jack just turned three a few days ago.

Sam and Jack – Sam met Jack's mother, Kelly, while they were both still at the beginning of their college careers. Jess had just died, leaving Sam grieving and not quite as emotionally stable as he would have liked. Due to this, and some other problems (drug use? Sam and Kelly both getting their fixes from Ruby, Sam sobers up after the whole pregnancy thing, realizing he's slowly loosing control. It takes time and a shit ton of effort, regular AA meetings, but he's probably never been as proud of himself as he's after “getting over” his addiction. He's aware that Kelly might not have made it), their relationship never really became serious, always being an on-off sort of thing. The pregnancy was definitely not planned. They talked about it, a lot, considering what possibilities they had and what they wanted to do. In the end, they made the decision to get an abortion. They agreed to split the costs and that Sam would drive her, as well give her all the support he could, emotional and otherwise. But the morning he arrived to take her to the clinic, she was gone. The only thing left was a letter, telling him she'd changed her mind and not to come looking for her. Nevertheless, Sam was worried sick and wanted to find her, if for nothing else than to offer child support or something. He took the letter to the police, but was told they couldn't do anything since she'd gone away willingly. During the next couple of days, weeks and months he kept trying to contact her, but kept running into dead ends. Eventually, he decided to stop trying.

About two and a half years later, when he was almost done with law school, she suddenly returned. One Saturday evening he opened the door to see her with a crying toddler on her hip, looking completely exhausted and Sam quickly realizes that she's probably also still using, or using again. She all but drops the baby off with him, telling him it's all too much and if he keeps screaming, she might hurt him. Before he can even ask for the little guy's name, she's gone.

The next few days are a blur and an eternity at the same time. He finds an envelope in the box she dropped off, containing some important papers and Jack's birth certificate. Jack is also the name stitched into the baby blanket the toddler won't let go off, and seeing the shaky stitching, Sam's pretty sure that Kelly did that herself. The next morning he goes shopping, and after that he drags Jack to every person who thinks might be able to help him. There's so much he needs to worry about, custody, whether the boy's going to stay with him or not, what the legal situation is, if the child is well, if he can even afford a damn kid because he still has six months of law school left and god knows it's not getting easier after that. It's Tuesday when he realizes he hasn't even called his brother yet, or any of his friends, and after dialling his brother's number with shaking fingers he has his first breakdown. But Jack has just fallen asleep in the new crib in his bedroom, so he tries to keep it quiet. Luckily, Dean already knows about the whole story with Kelly and seeing how freaked his little brother is, he manages to stay calm. He tells their “uncle” Bobby, the man who took them in after John threw them out, and asks for a few days off to help Sam get settled. Or find an adoption agency, whatever he needs. Bobby feels like he wants to yell at Sam for not calling sooner and tells Dean to get going.

Later, after being called to come back in by a doctor, Sam's told that Jack shows some symptoms that could come from drug consume during the pregnancy. However, without Kelly there to tell them what she took, they can't be sure and will just have to see how Jack develops. Cue Sam's second breakdown. After that, Sam notices that Jack is a bit slow at times, needing more time to understand things than other kids, and doesn't do well in social situations. He's a clingy kid, and at first very shy. Later he gets over that a bit but still remains socially awkward and too naïve for his own good at times. “I was almost sober for nine months, it was hell!” “'Almost'?!”

After about six months of living with the kid, Sam wouldn't give him up for anything. He's fully accepted his responsibility of being a parent and loves Jack with all his heart. Jack often asks for his mother, but with time it becomes less. Sam has a feeling that it's not the first time she's dropped him off somewhere without coming back for a while. He picks up his studies again, after having taken a leave for a few months, his professors/boss thankfully being understanding, and things seem to get back to normal. Bobby and Dean are already attached to Jack as well.

Then, in the middle of the day this time, Kelly is suddenly back. And she demands that Sam lets Jack go with her. Sam refuses, naturally, and tries to talk to her at first. About how much better Jack is doing in a stable home, how he'll need special care with some things that Sam will be able to provide once he's found a job, and how much he loves the kid. But Kelly starts to get hysterical, and eventually he's forced to throw her out. She threatens him, telling him she'll take it to court and that Jack is legally hers. As soon as he hears that Sam panics, suddenly realizing that he never did, in fact, look into the legal situation. Which is beyond stupid since he's a lawyer. So he rings up an old friend who went into family law and who knows about his situation, asking him for advice. At least until he can make an appointment with someone else, because right now he's desperate. When the first letter from Kelly's lawyer arrives, Sam's prepared.

The custody battle takes years, and Kelly refuses to give up. It's still going by the time Sam finds himself at the first support meeting, and he's still afraid that he'll have to give Jack up despite knowing that it would be ridiculous and that no judge would give Kelly sole custody after what she's done. He also tries not to take Jack to court appointments with him, knowing it's not fair on the little boy. He's offered Kelly early on that she can come and visit them though. So far, she hasn't.

One day his baby sitter calls in sick, or with an emergency of their own, and Sam isn't able to get a replacement in time for the court date. Not knowing how to help himself, but remembering that one of the other parents in the support group (a remarkable hot parent, but he tries not to think about that because what the fuck Sam, that guy lost his wife not too long ago) gave him their number to set up a playdate, he eventually calls Cas. Cas is more than happy to help out. Since Sam and him are both new in town, new in the support group, and their kids are almost the same age, he'd been hoping to hear from the man. If he can help out, all the better.

Sam doesn't know that, of course, and feels incredibly guilty for dropping Jack off at the other man's house. Once he gets back from the appointment, obviously exhausted and mentally drained, Cas even invites him to stay for dinner (since he just got done anyway, and oh, what a coincidence, he made too much). Sam keeps thanking him during the dinner and promises to make it up to Cas, maybe with a coffee or two when he's got the time. Neither of them is aware of the accidental flirting, like the exhausted idiots they are.

Cas and Claire – Castiel Jimmy Novak married what he thought to be the love of his live, Amelia Everett, when he was 18, because they were both from conservative families. And living together, out of wedlock, is a sin. They even bought a house, getting them several hundred thousand dollar of debt. And for a while, they were happy. Cas got a job as an accountant (he's good with numbers) and Amelia agreed to stay home and take care of the household. She was never really happy with that though, and things quickly started to go south when she wanted to take a job as well. Cas, as the head of the household, didn't want to feel like he couldn't take care of his family, and this was only one of the issues which kept coming up in their fights. But being the good Christians that they are, they wanted to make things work out and were willing to work on their marriage as well, even if it wasn't perfect. Their efforts were renewed once Amelia realized she was pregnant, and they were happy once more. Head over heels, actually. But Cas' blind faith as well as his blind obedience when it came to his own father or his boss still worried his wife, and she knew it wouldn't last.

And just like she had expected, about a year after Claire was born, everything took a turn for the worse again. Cas started to get more aggressive, yelling at her or even the kid when something didn't go his way, demanding obedience from her and dragging them around as if they were his property. She knew it wasn't right, and her friends kept telling her that it was abusive, and that her husband had some serious problems. Nonetheless, she stood by him. Until about another year later, when he started yelling at Claire, yelling at a two year old, at the table because she'd dared to reach for the food before they'd said praise. Trying to stay calm she'd gotten up, gathered her daughter and told Cas that she was leaving. He'd tried to stop her, of course, but he had never gotten physical. Which she was thankful for, otherwise she wasn't sure if she'd made it out that night. She knew her husband was going through a crisis, but that was no excuse for the way he'd been acting. She was able to stay at a friends house at first and told Cas that, if he ever wanted to see her and their daughter again, he'd need to change.

That was the first time Cas realized just how much he'd fucked up. He had known before, kind of, always feeling guilty after treating her like shit. He'd thought of his own mother, and how he'd sworn that he wouldn't become his father. Apparently, he'd failed in that regard. A few days later he called his family, to tell them what happened, only to learn that Amelia had now been shunned by her parents for being a disgrace of a wife and that both her parents and his parents were on his side. After a heated discussion with his father, that he didn't want their support and that he deserved what she'd done, that he was glad that she'd gotten Claire out of the house as well, he really decided to make a difference. First, he moved out of the house so Amelia and Claire could move back in. He got a small apartment and send every penny he could spare to his wife and child. And he started therapy, knowing full well (after already having gone through a bunch of psychology books as a teenager) that he wouldn't be able to break his own cycle of abusive behaviour without help. It took a lot of time, and several set backs, but eventually Amelia started to trust him again. At least she knew he was trying. Six months after Claire's third birthday, they agreed that he could move back in with them. The day before he did, Amelia was killed in a car accident.

Once again, Cas' entire world was shattered and this time he was the only one left to pick up the pieces. His family had turned away from him after he'd gone off at his father, and he'd never managed to find friends where he lived. Claire had always been a handful, and he had no idea how to raise a child on his own. For the first couple of months he stayed in the house with her, only going to work and to therapy, which helped him over the worst. Then he got a job offer in a different city, and the pay he was being offered was just too good to pass it up. So they packed their things, he promised Dr. Churley to find a new therapist, and off they went. Finding a therapist wasn't easy, but at least he found some support groups which he was sure would get him over the first couple of months. One that dealt with anger issues (though he mostly had that under control by now), one for depression, one for survivors of child abuse and... and one for single parents. And he thought why the hell not, he could need all the help he could get at the moment. At least one of these groups had to be good, and maybe even one good group would be enough.

When he got to know a certain Sam Winchester at his first group meeting, he was convinced that it had been the right decision. (Maybe later, Cas introduces him to the group for child abuse survivors as well because he realizes that Sam's got issues too)

Also, they'll both freak out a bit about being attracted to each other. Mutual Pining, naturally, with both of them thinking the other is straight.

Cas has issues because of his faith, Sam has issues because his bisexuality was one of the reasons he and his brother had to leave home. When John caught him kissing another guy in his room when they were supposed to be doing their homework, he'd freaked out. It had been one of the worst beatings Sam had ever gotten from his father, and that was saying something. Dean had found him at their secret hiding spot, still bleeding and trying hard not to cry his eyes out. For a moment, Sam had been afraid of his brother's reaction as well, but Dean had only hugged him and promised him he'd be save now. Then he'd loaded him into the Impala and driven them to Bobby, who'd already been waiting with open arms. Beyond a few overheard phone calls which mostly consisted of yelling, that was pretty much the last thing Sam had ever heard from his father.

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hobisolostan · 6 years

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85 question tag thing 🏹

tagged by: @sleepbugs (ilu !!! 😙)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 (lmao funnyyyy) people

tagging: uhmmmmmmmmmmm @libraop @justinsgf @lilchims @namugf @brightjoon @moon9oddess @joonsgoth

last:

1. drink: h2o

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my yearbook group chat .. its just spams from my friend cause she’s touring Europe ALONE , lucky bitch

4. song you listened to: always you - astro (stan talent !!!)

5. time you cried: two days ago ish

ever:

6. dated someone twice: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it: what is this kiss?

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: yea

10. been depressed: is this a question?

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

12. favorite colours: blues/neutrals

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yup!!

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yea ig ?? not like crying with tears streaming down my face but definitely a few tears slipped out

18. found out someone was talking about you: o yea

19. met someone who changed you: yup

20. found out who your friends are: lets not go there :)

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them ??? stranger danger kids dont friend people u dont know irl

23. do you have any pets: skjfl i wish :((

24. do you want to change your name: no actually, as much as i hate when it gets mispronounced and not like even a tiny mispronunciation, it literally gets butchered :) , it has a lot of ties and significance to my culture which is important to me

25. what did you do for your last birthday: my friend whom i would die for (the one in Europe rn) invited me over to her place and her and two other friends planned surprised gifts and hot pot ! her mom literally paid for all the ingredients akfdskjl i love her sm :((

26. what time did you wake up today: 7 am, my body she just did it ? idk lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a horror movie

28. what is something you can’t wait for: MONSTA X CONCERT TOMORROW AKFSJD;LF IM SO MFCKING EXCITEDDD GONNA SEE ALL MY BABIES 🤩🤩🤩🤩

29. what are you listening to right now: aint nobody takin my baby - russ

30. when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no

32. something that gets on your nerves: narrow-mindedness, arrogance, ignorance, when ppl chew with their mouth open skfsjldfjs

33. most visited website: definitely between tumblr and youtube

34. hair colour: black

35. long or short hair: short, it’s just below chin level rn sklfjsld

36. do you have a crush on someone: u ask me when hoseok is right ... there ?

37. what do you like about yourself: uh my lips and dimples and the fact that I’m pretty self-driven

38. want any piercings: more like need ????? ive been wanting double helix piercings for the longesstttt time. might get some this year .. hopefully

39. blood type: i literally dont even know sklfjskd but its definitely a or b or ab since my parents are a combination of those

40. nicknames: utshee ? just my normal name but instead of the ending ah sound its an “e” as in the letter e lol and then ironically its usa, long back story id rather not get into lol. shira if ur reading this u know 😔

41. relationship status: married to hoseok obviously

42. zodiac: this is virgo solidarity !!!

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv shows: dont really watch tv shows anymore tbh but the last good one i can remember was supernatural but its .. been awhile lmao

45. tattoos: nooooooo , i want a few small ones tho one day when im of age

46. right handed or left handed: normal regular righty

47. ever had surgery: nope, i did fracture my arm once tho when i was like uh 2-3

48. piercings: 2! just regular earlobe piercings, one on each

49. sport: volleyball, lacrosse, and gymnastics i did for a while competitively. i also love ultimate frisbee and long distance running on my free time

50. vacation: i havent been out of country since i came here to the states ksdjsdf my family just isn’t one of those that take family trips, at least out of country 😔ig my last family vacation was 2016 winter break where we drove down to las vegas and arizona to see the grand canyon. it was so damn cold omg

51. trainers: um i have superstars and two pairs of nikes that i wear on the daily. i really want some new van slip ons tho ugh

more general:

52. eating: i eat literally everything lmao, im one of the least picky eaters tbh but i prefer seafood over meat. i still like and eat meat but sometimes id just .. rather not lol

53. drinking: water !!!!!!!!!! ( i down a good 10 cups at least everyday) i also love boba so much omggg u dont understand but i really do try to limit myself 😔

54. i’m about to watch: perfect man jimin focus skdjfklsdf jimin stans raise up for ur national anthem !!!!!

55. waiting for: college apps to be over even tho they technically havent opened yet akfjds;lfs

56. want: to go into my career field with zero in debt so basically impossible but a girl can dream :(

57. get married: yea if it happens sure

58. career: medical !!! looking into anesthesiologist but im not set on anything, just wanna do Doctors Without Borders as my end career goal 😔

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses: kisses pls

60. lips or eyes: eyes bc they just convey sooo much about a person but also pls ... if ur lips are as cracked as the sidewalk outside of my house we’re never smooching

61. shorter or taller: definitely taller, also wanna be the little spoon during cuddles so yea

62. older or younger: older for sure because i look at the underclassmen and shudder in disgust bc they’re ur typical overgrown yet immature high school students. honestly dont know wtf happened to selecting genuine students to enroll into our school but skfjsdfjs im out of there in less than a year so whatever

63. nice arms or stomach: arms bc i like tummies but if u have abs i dont mind either

64. hookup or relationship: can’t really see myself doing hookups so relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: depends? i definitely want a playful relationship but they should know when their behavior is verging on immature so ig slightly leaning on the more hesitant side

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger: no

67. drank hard liquor: o yeaaa, new years eve and home alone with my in-college cousin lmaoo

68. lost glasses: I LOST MY FIRST PAIR IN 5 MONTHS AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ???? i had to buy another pair after begging my parents for a good 2 months bc the first pair were so mfcking expensive ksfjsld tbh the ones i wear right now are a lot cuter tho so

69. turned someone down: yes

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someone’s heart: maybe ? dont know to the extent the other person liked me so

72. had your heart broken: no

73. been arrested: no

74. cried when someone died: yea

75. fallen for a friend: yea

do you believe in:

76. yourself: love urself right hahha :)) lmao im trying ig

77. miracles: hmm sure

78. love at first sight: idk depends, im neutral. definitely think theres more to it tho

79. santa claus: no, wish i was still at that age where i did

80. kiss on first date: hmm depends

81. angels: yea

other:

82. best friend’s name: i have two: one’s andreana and the other is sybil (the one who left me here to die while she went to europe yea, love that betrayer)

83. eye colour: dark brown

84. fave movie: was gonna say black panther but thats too much of a popular opinion so the ritual ?? its a horror movie which i love so much omg fljsd and it was surprisingly good ??? definitely have not said that about a horror movie in the longest time bc the newer ones are always so cringy and predictable

85. fave actor: mistre kim seokjin of course 🤩🤩

#ok before someone gives me crap abt using facebook i cant help it ???#like the only way to keep up with school announcements and stuff is through facebook like we have class pages and announcement pages #its just .. engraved into our school culture lmao #this was so long akfjsdlfs #so obviously u dont have to do this if u dont want to !!!#long post

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lovelyparkers · 4 years

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chapter one - healing

(so yeah ur dr. romanoff bc ur nat's sister if u haven't realized! 3.2k+ words phew!)

peter was your patient. he always has been. from the minute he first crawled to your bedroom in the avengers tower after a late night brawl when you were 16, he has been your patient. and you vowed to make sure he was safe and healthy since then. a doctors word: you solemnly promised to care for the sick and wounded, promote good health and alleviate pain and suffering to the best of your ability. peter was your first patient, and you promised to care for him since.

last night he barely stirred in his sleep. he was obviously in pain and uncomfortable, he didn't even snore. you let him be all the way until it was time for you to be out the door and headed to the hospital.

"pete, love, i'm on my way out are you okay?"

"what," he rubbed his eyes and spoke in his deep morning voice, "oh i'm fine babe, go to work. i'm going back to sleep. thank you for waking me though."

you leaned down to give him a sweet kiss, which he obviously was waiting for, and he smiled, watching you walk out of your shared room. once he heard the front door click and lock he went back to sleep.

during your shift you made sure to check your phone frequently in case of emergency. after all, peter was your patient, but you didn't let the phone get in the way of hospital duties. you never would, but peter was also important. you figured peter would probably sleep most of the day, and he did promise you he wouldn't go out today so he could heal.

after doing rounds with your interns, you sent them off, checking up on them frequently. today was different, you had no scheduled surgeries, that is unless and emergency came in that needed you. but hey maybe it wouldn't be too hectic of a day. you could check on peter, check on your patients, and your interns. and of course, argue with your attending, rick.

now, rick was something else. he was the most arrogant surgeon and man in the entire hospital, and of course you were assigned to him. he was young, and flirty and according to several nurses, 'devilishly handsome.' ha, devilish is right. he bothered you, he teased you, made your internship miserable. yet it somehow made you stronger. you were more focused and self disciplined, not because of rick's actions, but because of your ability to not let him push you around. and lastly, he was known for trying to get in everyone's pants. he disgusted you. but he was on top of you on the professional scale, no pun intended. you wouldn't sink to his level. speaking of rick, he sauntered over to you and two of your interns, carly and ray.

"i'll be back, i gotta make a call," you said, referring to peter.

"oh dr. romanoff, i think you wanna hear this," rick bellowed.

"i really don't think i do."

"just wait up, please," he held out his hand.

"what?"

"so rachel and i," he said, gesturing over to rachel, a naïve nurse, "totally hit it off last night, if you know what i mean."

you scoffed, while carly and ray just looked disgusted, "really? that's what was so important? how bout your damn job, rick."

he laughed, that arrogant laugh, "i'm just messing with you sweet heart."

you shook your head, grabbing your phone from your pocket and started over to the on call room telling carly and ray you'd be back.

"jeez what's got her in a bunch?" rick asked.

"um i don't know maybe you?" ray snapped.

"whatever," rick said and followed behind you.

meanwhile in the on call room, you had peter on the phone, making sure your boy was okay.

"yeah, no, it stings a bit but, i'm feeling better."

"are you sure you're not lying," you said, genuinely worried about his well-being.

"yes sweets, i'm okay, i love you."

"i love you too pete, promise me you'll stay in?"

"i promise. so how's work?"

you were cut off by rick entering the on call room, crossing his arms and staring at you.

"um it's good, but hey i gotta go, call you later."

"love you!" peter said as you hung up.

"what," you snapped at rick.

"gosh, you're so tense."

"you make me tense."

"need some help with that?"

"not from you," you scoffed, heading towards the door to get back to carly and ray.

"wait up," rick said grabbing your hand, "look, i've got a patient, really complex case concerning the brain and i think you should take it."

"why not neuro?" you asked confused.

"because neuro is busy, i don't know. just please work with the family. you'll be good for them. no one else here is truly as calm and collected and makes a patient feel more safe than you. i swear, everyone falls in love with you by the time they are seen by you."

you smiled, for once rick had actually given you a genuine compliment, "thanks. so what's the case?"

"i know you like the brain, which is why you should go into neuro, but, it's a tumour. it's bad, they just came in today and i'm hoping you can do surgery within this week. it's urgent but we need to do scans and bloods before we can go through. we have to find out if it's even safe, and what type. they come from out of state, a small practice said he had a tumour."

"of course i'll take it. where is he?"

"peds wing."

"peds?"

"yeah, nine years old and terrified. you'll be the best for him."

you were shocked to say the least. NY Central Hospital didn't get many pediatric tumour cases. many went farther to other specialised hospitals. but you were willing to fight if it meant saving a helpless nine year olds life.

"okay. okay," you repeated yourself.

"thank you y/n. head up there asap."

rick dropped your hand finally and left. you took a moment to compose yourself before going to grab carly and ray.

"get ready kids, we're going to peds."

meanwhile, peter was at home, in bed, watching tv. he was so stiff and in more pain than he thought. but the last thing he wanted to do was worry you when you're already working a stressful job. he laid there in his boxers all morning so far after waking up. he managed to make some toast, though a little burnt. he wasn't hungry. he was in pain. his wound was a mess, constantly having to clean it and limping from room to room. he'd be fine though, he always was, right?

he was glad to talk to you though. when he saw your name appear on his phone, he smiled so big. he knew you'd call, he knew you'd worry. but he let you, a little. it was so good to hear your voice. he so wished you were here to just cuddle with him and make him feel good and make him great toast, but it was okay. you'd be home earlier than normal today. and he listened to you. and vowed to himself and to you that he wouldn't go out and possibly get more hurt.

he thought of you a lot when you weren't around. how he loved you so, so, so much. he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. he felt like he already had. he would sleep and dream of you. he'd think about all the times that day he kissed or hugged you and how he just couldn't wait to do it again when you got home. he was passionate about you. he was proud of you. and again, he loved you so much. that was peter, a lover boy. ever since junior year of high school. still so whipped for you.

he decided to text you a sweet little message. he knew you were busy, but loved to do this so you'd have something to smile about on break. he smiled, grabbing his cracked phone off his nightstand and typed you a message.

'hey sweets. just thought i'd text you and say i love you. i cant wait to see you tonight and i wanna give u a big hug. i love you! oh and i'm gonna make us salads for dinner! or at least try! anyways did i say i love you? well, i love you.'

he put down his phone and tried to run to the kitchen, but in reality looked like a limping zombie, and grabbed some fresh lemonade out of the fridge. he was like a teenage boy, scared of your response, but you were literally living together. you loved him so much and he knew it. he brought his lemonade and his camera to the balcony in your apartment. it was such a beautiful day outside, warm and sunny. peter sat in just a pair of shorts because why not. he took pictures every now and then of helicopters or people on their roofs.

"hiya peter! how are ya?"

peter turned to the left to spot his elderly neighbor, mrs. dawson, on her balcony, about 5 yards away.

"morning mrs. dawson! i'm great, it's a lovely day!"

"sure is! where's the wife?"

"oh y/n? she's at work, and you know we're not married yet."

mrs. dawson just waved her hand at peter, "well you better get on with it, i'm waiting."

"i know, i know...i will."

this made peter think about the first time you met, tony jokingly telling you to go get married already, since you hit it off so well.

"y/n! come meet spider-man!" your sister yelled to you in the living room of the compound.

you jumped up, fully expecting a dorky grown man like the rest of the avengers, yet were shocked when you saw peter, your age.

"hi! i'm y/n romanoff, it's so nice to meet you! i wasn't expecting you to be a kid like me," you laughed, pulling him in for a hug. hugs were always your thing.

"i'm peter, parker peter. i mean, uh, peter parker. it's nice to meet you too. natasha has told me lots about you," he replied, blushing.

"awe, you're sweet," you said grabbing his hand, "lemme shoe you around some!"

"okay kids when's the wedding?" tony asked, causing natasha to laugh and you and peter to blush.

from that moment of junior year of high school, you and peter spent all your time together. he would come to your room at night if he needed to be patched up, or just for a hug, or cuddle. you would have sleepovers all the time it was almost obnoxious to the rest of the avengers. you started dating nine months after you meant. and though, you weren't an avenger. you didn't have powers or super strength, but you were family, so in a way you were an avenger. nat was all you had. no mom, no dad, just an older sister. what you didn't know was in your sophomore year of college, your sister would be gone. down at the bottom of a cliff on some planet called vormir, never to be seen again. that was when you decided to become a doctor.

"carly, ray, this is the peds wing. we have a brain tumour case, nine years old. let's go in and meet him."

you walked into the room where a young boy and his parents sat, worrisome looks plastered on their faces.

"hi, i'm dr. romanoff," you shook the parents hands, "and you must be benjamin?"

the boy nodded his head and shied away from you and your interns. you held out your hand for him to shake, and he did, softly.

"ray? would you?" you asked, gesturing to his chart.

"benjamin wallace, nine years old, from new jersey. pronounced tumour in the brain by a private practice, undiagnosed, but appearing to affect him at large, that's all we got."

"okay, thank you," you said, sitting down on the bed next to benjamin.

"hi buddy, first thing we are gonna do is pretty cool! you're gonna lay on a bed and we will give you headphones to watch a movie while we take pictures of your brain, and i can show you them afterwards if you want," you smiled and the boy nodded.

you looked to the parents, who looked a little calmer now, "we will do an mri and maybe a cat scan. we will find out what's wrong."

you stood up, while the parents agreed that was a good plan, "this is carly and ray, my interns, they will be helping out a lot. carly, wanna order the mri, urgent please?"

"of course," carly smiled and waved to benjamin and walked out to the nurses station.

again, you turned to the parents, "so how do you know he has a tumour? or moreso the doctor you saw?"

"this jersey doctor did an x-ray," the mom explained, "and he said he saw something bad and it was a tumour. he told us to come here or go to a hospital in maryland so we can here. we honestly don't know what to do now, or what to believe, it was all sudden, but he has a lot of symptoms."

you thought for a moment, biting your lip, "interesting...well you and benjamin are in good hands. we are gonna take care of him and find out what's wrong."

"thank you, thank you so much."

"of course mr. wallace. nurses will be in shortly."

you walked out of the room, ray following close behind, "this is weird right?"

"sure is. it's hard to tell a tumour is there on an x-ray, unless there's severe skull deformity, but, we are gonna figure it out."

all of a sudden you were paged to the ER as well as carly. you two rushed there, and found a car crash victim on a gurney.

"what am i seeing," you asked.

the paramedic just said, "crash victim, he's obviously drunk, asked for your carly and saw she's under you."

"dad?"

"what?" you asked turning to carly.

"hey! i knew you'd be here. wanna operate on me carly?" the man asked, drunkenly slurring his words.

"sir, i don't think you need to be operated on," you said.

"dad what happened?"

"well i got in a car crash, fix me up already. i think i'm getting feverish and i could use another drink."

"carly, you cant be here, go back upstairs please, i've got this."

"but it's my dad."

"and you know the rules. go."

carly took a last look at her dad before storming away.

"let's get ortho down here!" you yelled.

you came home later than expected that night, you did however receive peter's lovely text and it made your day a little better, especially having to operate on a pedestrian that carly's intoxicated dad hit, as well as a bike accident victim later in the day. benjamin's scans were delayed due to carly's reaction to her father, you didn't get to read them and would have to wait till the morning due to the scans being rescheduled. but coming home to peter at 7 pm made you feel a little better.

you walked in your apartment dropping your things off at the door and hanging up your white coat. peter was in the living room laying on the couch in nothing but his shorts, as he was all day. he peeked his head up when you walked in however. he got up and limped over to you with outstretched arms.

you tilted your head at him, "pete, what's going on with the leg? you limping?"

"what no," he stood in front of you, arms still up, "hug please, i missed you sweets."

you obliged and hugged him tightly, glad he was still okay and in your arms, but worried about the limp.

"i missed you too. how was your day?"

"oh just sat outside and talked to mrs. dawson and watched lots of tv, made burnt toast and missed you."

you kissed the side of his head, "i can tell."

"so dr. romanoff how was your day? you feel tense."

"i am, and gosh it was a long, stressful day."

"then let's not talk about it," he said pulling back from the hug, "c'mon let's go eat salad in bed, watch some tv, and i'll give you a massage just because we can."

you grinned, "okay, but let me get the salad ready, i'm supposed to be taking care of you my stab victim."

"hey!"

you laughed, "just go."

peter waved you off and limped away, turning on the tv and jumped into bed. you kicked off your shoes and got the premade salads out of the fridge, bringing them to the bedroom.

"mmmm, thank you babe," peter groaned. he leaned up to give you a nice kiss on the lips.

you nodded, placing yours down on the nightstand and going into your wardrobe to get a tank top and sleep shorts then took a quick shower to wash away the day. you got changed and joined peter in bed to eat your salads.

"you look so pretty."

you scoffed, "i'm wearing a white tank top with a ketchup stain on it from last month and my hair is tangled and i'm sore and have bags under my eyes."

"still beautiful. or should i say insanely hot?"

you flicked him on the shoulder, "such a tease."

you two ate your salads in bed while watching tv and it was honestly so relaxing. you didn't rerun through your day and stress yourself out more. you were just with your love. and when you finished eating, peter offered to take the dishes to the kitchen, much to your dismay. but when he got up, he seemed to be limping a lot less. and you would definitely take a look at that wound later. he came back in with a smile on his face.

"sit up sweets, i'll give you a massage."

you did what he said and he crawled into bed just behind you and put his hand on your shoulders gently. he started to rub out all the knots and stress. you were so tense today, from worrying about him, to your new patient, to your surgeries.

"that feels great," you sighed.

"good, you deserve it."

he continued rubbing your shoulders and traced his fingers down your back, leaning in to give you a kiss on the neck. it was unexpected and made you shudder, but eventually you melted into him.

"pete be careful."

he pulled back, "don't worry i am, not gonna leave any noticeable marks."

"pete," you demanded.

"i'm kidding, i love you. go to sleep babe."

"m'kay. love you too, so much."

you leaned into him and flopped over onto your side of the bed. he enveloped himself around you, making you warm and cozy and you instantly dozed off. peter loved you insanely much. he dozed off with a smile on his face, arms around you, after kissing your head.

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thedegenerateasexual · 6 years

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more let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 17-26:

chapter 17:

this is fully just a feenie and alice fight and tbh feenie is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous

“[Ryan] thinks we ditched you last night.”

“You did ditch me.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, just call him.”

Alice couldn’t even pretend to be mad. Ryan had to be the sweetest person on the planet and besides, it had all worked out. “So you’re just not going to apologize?” she joked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Feenie shot back.

“For what?”

“For fucking leaving.”

(Ah, there it was.)

(Damn it.)

“Um, well, not to be petty, but you left me first.”

“We went upstairs. You actually left the party. That is not the same thing.” She looked Alice right in the eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my boyfriend when you fucking jumped ship the first chance you got because you couldn’t stand being alone for thirty minutes. Miss me with that bullshit.”

WOW

dude she was ASSAULTED and could have been RAPED you do not get to be like that lmao it was unsafe for her to be there alone

so much for feenie being the good egg

chapter 18:

so she’s telling takumi about the fight and feenie and ryan and:

“Tell me about them. What do you like most?”

“Ryan is the literal light of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as considerate and driven as him. He’s all-around amazing. And Feenie, well, she’s my oldest friend and soulmate. Her word, not mine, but I believe it,” Alice said before laughing at a random memory that popped into her head. “When we were little, people used to call us Ebony and Ivory, which is kind of offensive now that I’m thinking about it.”

“But she’s dating Ryan? And you’re okay with that?” The back end of her taco fell onto her plate with a small bit of it landing on her shirt. Takumi passed her some napkins.

“Oh, it’s not like a romantic kind of soulmate,” she said, dabbing her shirt. “Feenie’s pretty hardcore, but she has her sentimental moments. Once she said if reincarnation were real, we’d meet each other in every single life because nothing can keep us apart. We’re meant to be.”

He looked confused. “If you’re soulmates, aren’t you supposed to be in love with each other? That’s how it works.”

“I suppose it could be romantic or whatever, but she has Ryan. They’re meant to be right now, but we’re meant to be forever, if that makes sense.”

He finished chewing before saying, “Not really.”

Oh Boy

omg aw he offered to let her crash at his place for a bit until it blows over

“I never lived with my best friends, but I know what it’s like when they start dating and suddenly, everything feels like them versus you and they’re all you have. You don’t have to slink around feeling terrible. If you need space, I have space.”

She wanted to kiss his cheek.

Kiss. His. Cheek.

alice is so gone. i have only liked someone enough to voluntarily kiss their cheek one (1) time. it’s a rare feeling. i guess she cheek kisses more than i do tho. she platonically cheek-kisses!

hahahahaha and so since he’s babysitting his nieces that evening guess who gets roped into it! i would probably literally kiss a stranger on the cheek before i willingly interacted with their children alone

chapter 19:

while crashed out at takumi’s alice looks at one of his photography albums:

Near the end of the album, it happened: Takumi and the girl kissing.

“Wow, you’re real fond of that whole kissing thing.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t dislike kissing.” Alice closed that album and picked another. “I also don’t take pictures of myself while doing it.”

alice u liar u hate kissing

haha look at her fishing around to see if it’s safe tho

“So,” Alice began, drawing out the word, “kissing is important to you?”

“Honestly expressing my feelings is important to me.” He flipped a page. There were several pictures of a bonfire at night. A Southeast-Asian guy with dewy brown skin was wrapped in a red blanket, laughing in one photo. “Sometimes that means kissing. Or spending three days editing photos and videos together for my brother. Or letting a girl I just met stay in my house and look through my pictures because she’s scared to go home.”

i cannot BELIEVE he is being so smooth when she is literally going thru pics of him & his ex...also like How Candid honestly

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out. Like, my feelings and sorting through my thoughts. I don’t think I overthink, but I like to know why things are the way they are for me and why they’re different for someone else.”

“I think everyone does that.”

“No, they don’t. At least, I don’t think they do. Not the way I do it,” she said. “So. Like. If I ask you something and it seems strange, I’m not being weird, I’m trying to understand.”

ACE MOOD like i said it’s a contemplative existence

chapter 20:

aw man alice went back to therapy after all just to talk about feenie and ryan (theyre still not speaking)

it’s not a v long chapter but anyways

chapter 21:

Ryan caved first.

THANK GOD

Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Her simply consisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.

yikes

yk tho for real feenie is a really well written character...like alice, you want to like her, but part of you also wonder if the relation has played its course, which is heartbreaking. nice job 10/10

anyway she and ryan are hanging out and takumi called her from a bar for a ride lol he’s hammered

and ryan like...really really tried to get her to not leave again and she kissed him on the cheek again? and before i was like, aw, cute, how platonic! and now i am Wary of both ryan and feenie. like is he emotionally cheating on feenie with her...is that a thing...i don’t like it

OH SHIT back at his house he’s gotten kind of rambly and:

“If you were dating someone, and you knew they loved you with their whole heart, had absolutely no doubts about it, could you cheat on them?”

Obviously, that question sent her mind into overdrive, connecting all the dots. A roommate who moved out suddenly. A part-time job to cover his rent. Essie telling her he’s single “now.”

Takumi had a someone.

A someone who had, apparently, cheated on him.

hhhhholy shit

“Me personally?” she asked finally. “No. I mean, it’s highly unlikely.”

Cheating on someone was one of those things she was destined to never understand. Choosing to not have sex with someone else didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet she had comforted more than one person who had been cheated on.

you should NOT have to be ace to understand this shit why are people Like this

So he told her.

All of it.

Everything Alice did and didn’t want to know.

Takumi and his ex-girlfriend and former almost-wife, Rena, had started dating in college when they were nineteen. And it just … worked. They had gone to the same college, lived together for two years, and then earlier this year, she cheated on him. She had always been a social butterfly (his words) and an innocent flirt (her words), but when it came to some guy named Thad (Alice’s words: “Really? That’s his name?”), that innocence fluttered. Except it wasn’t only Thad. She cheated again with someone else. And once more for good measure before they broke up.

They began talking again a few weeks ago, very tentative (his words). Tomorrow night, they were supposed to have dinner to talk about being friends again and possiblyseeing if that could lead somewhere back to being together, but he had seen her kissing some guy downtown earlier. Which was why he was so drunk. He realized that even though she might have missed him (her words), she didn’t really want to be with him anymore (his words).

Y I K E S

ohhh man this is so sweet though like he asked her for relationship advice and she totally fumbled through it because of limited experience but she honest-to-god tried her best

chapter 22:

lol alice’s mom called and is on her ass about being a lawyer again...alice was like gimme 3 weeks to come up w/ a new plan bc i cant deal w/ being a lawyer im proud of her

oh shit it’s feenie backstory time

“Marie called me yesterday.” Marie—Feenie’s mom. “She worked whatever connections she has and had my case for fighting that dude in the bar last year thrown out. Apparently, that gave her the right to interrogate me. She wanted to know when I was going back to school, why I was wasting my life, why I was embarrassing her like this.” Feenie exhaled. “I want to have a family with Ryan because that’s what’s right for me. I don’t get how me wanting to get knocked up and be a housewife affects her. She doesn’t want me to have kids, so she’s never going to see them. Even if I die, she will never see them.”

Alice knew that. She’d known it for years.

In elementary school, when they were told to be doctors and astronauts and firefighters, Feenie stood up and said she wanted to be a mom. Back then, her favorite game had been House. Feenie was always the stay-at-home mom, while Alice was the working mom, and they had seven stuffed-animal children. Feenie did all the cooking, cleaning, and made sure Alice had her newspaper when she got home from work.

She wanted to be everything Marie hadn’t been for her even then.

Their relationship ultimately died when Marie wished Feenie had never been born. She said Feenie ruined all the plans she’d had for herself.

ohhhhh honey ))): okay some of my waryness has abated no wonder she’s like that

oh nevermind feenie immediately bit her head off when she mentioned takumi feenie sucks

chapter 23:

movie night with takumi and alice!! not much to copypasta but this near the end:

She took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to share. I don’t want to tell you.”

It was his turn to fix her hood. (He knew not to touch her hair.) “Okay,” he said. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

But part of her did want to. Her secret shouldn’t even have been one—it should have been a nonissue. Why couldn’t being asexual just be accepted?

Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over…? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself.

Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?

LITERALLY! god what a mood

chapter 24:

also short, but when alice spotted feenie shopping for wedding dresses and offered to come along we had this exchange:

Feenie clicked her tongue. “Sure you can pry yourself away from Takumi long enough to spend time with me?”

Alice sighed and stood up. Feenie didn’t stop her.

ok look 1. feenie was so disappointed they didnt bang and now this?? 2. she gets to ditch alice at the party to be with her BF but alice doesn’t get to date anyone?? wow

chapter 25:

i could have honestly pasted the entire thing because it’s so goddamn cute and i can’t pick a favorite part but the tl;dr is that takumi is sick and alice went over to take care of him and he kept talking about how great she was in a slightly fever-addled way

wait no i can paste my least favorite part:

“Yeah. I haven’t heard from him in two days, but he called in sick on Saturday.”

Ryan twirled the screwdriver between his fingers, focused. “Are you sure he’s actually sick?”

“It’s either that or he’s packing and needed some time off.” Alice shrugged. “He already signed the lease for his new place.”

“Maybe he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan’s face was so open, so honest. It always told the truth before he was ready to speak.

(Basically, he couldn’t lie to save his life.)

“I just think it’s funny that you talk to him and see him every day and all of a sudden he disappears and doesn’t tell you why. I mean, you’re guessing he’s sick or packing. You don’t actually know.”

WHY are they being like this with her wow they are HORRIBLE best friends

also, theyre getting married in 6 months vs two years suddenly. feenie moved up the date :/

chapter 26:

ALICE AND FEENIE AND RYAN ARE FINALLY HAVING IT OUT:

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“You two spend a lot of time together without me.”

“That’s different. We’re engaged.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you both to remember I exist?”

“Of course not, but you shouldn’t edge us out. You’re the one making it as if it has to be him or us.”

“How am I doing that? And why is this all my fault? Why do you two have a Get Out of Ditching Alice pass that I’m supposed to accept because you say so? How is that fair to me?”

“We don’t ditch you,” Ryan said.

“You do. You have for years. I just don’t say anything because I don’t want us to fight, but the second I find an actual friend on my own, you two act like this. Neither of you said anything when I spent time with Margot. Why is Takumi suddenly different?”

shit dude! she’s right! and then feenie enters:

“Maybe we minded then and didn’t say anything either.”

Alice whipped around at the sound of Feenie’s voice. Feenie leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed.

“Maybe,” she continued, “we were really hurt, but you were too busy being happy to notice. Just like right now.”

An enraged fierceness made the edges of Alice’s vision turn red. She balled her hands into fists. “I wouldn’t even have met Margot if you hadn’t decided to move in with Ryan at the last minute. The millisecond you two started dating, he came first. You started to choose him over me every single time.” She turned that rage on Ryan. “And you have always chosen her over me.” Her phone buzzed. “Takumi’s outside.” She slung her purse strap over her shoulder while marching for the door.

man this is fucking sad i hope they make this better somehow :/

anyway she goes to hang out w/ takumi and

“You wound me, madam.” He clutched his chest, wincing. “Especially since it’s your fault. It’s hard not to have an ego when you’ve told me you love my beautiful face.”

“Shut it.”

“How beautiful are we talking here? What’s my code?”

She groaned. “Not this again.”

OMG IS SHE GONNA TELL HIM...i’m on the edge of my seat here

“Tell me and I’ll bake you cookies when I’m not sick.”

“What kind of cookies?” she asked, leaning back into his arms. “And you have to use real flour. None of that ultra-buckwheat high-fiber stuff.”

“Oatmeal chocolate chip?”

“Deal.” She stared at the ceiling. “Black. I’d like two dozen cookies, please.”

just shrieked

“Black? I thought the Cutie Code was Green to Red.”

“It is. Was.” The gears and wheels turning inside Alice’s head locked into place as realization sank in. Meeting Takumi had challenged everything she thought she knew about herself, made her work to find out who she was on a fundamental level. He challenged her in the best way possible, wholly unaware of the effect he had on her, pushing her so far out of her comfort zone she had to question everything. She had discovered, no, was still discovering, who she was now, who she wanted to be, what she could and could not handle. He had given her a reason to reconnect with herself.

Feenie had been right—this, he, would always be someone she would want to remember.

“You exceeded my Cutie Code,” she said. “You’re the reason why I retired it. I don’t need it anymore.”

NOOOOO she should keep her cutie code! don’t throw it away fro some boy! even a great boy! it’s too good!

“I need to tell you something.” She took a step back. “Like, whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it because I need to tell you this first.”

O H S H I T HERE IT COMES

i know this is probably a happy book and he’ll accept her but i’m still so stressed out

“So you know how some people like jogging?”

“I’m one of those people, so yes.”

“Ah, yeah, okay. That worked out.” Her breathy laugh sounded forced. “So, you see, I am not one of those people. I don’t care about jogging.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her for a moment. “Somehow, I knew that.”

“Oh, great. Good. This is going well.” Her hands began to shake. She pressed her fingers to her lips to steel herself before continuing. “Now take the word jogging and replace it with sex.”

“You don’t like sex?”

(Wow, he asked that fast.)

“No.” She held up her hand. “No, the correct sentence is I don’t care about sex.” She took a deep breath and held it. “Because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

HTAT’S A GREAT ANALOGY

that’s much better than my “i’m the way gay guys feel about girls and the way gay girls feel about guys all at the same time”

“Huh,” he said, face neutral. “I thought you were bisexual.”

“I am. Minus the sexual.” She waited, watching him process through her answer. She waited for the judgment, the questions, the confusion, the thoughtful concern followed by the inevitable interruptions. Second by second, it dawned on her that she waited in vain because he was waiting for her. “My sexuality is nope.” She laughed with relief because still, second by second, he continued to wait, to listen. So she laughed again, tiny bubbles of happy that floated out of her.

HES LISTENING TO HER I LOVE THIS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BUT HE’S LISTENING

“How many people have you told?”

“Explicitly? You’re number four. Feenie, Ryan, and a counselor I’m seeing.”

Takumi started to speak but closed his mouth and stood up straight, focusing on the counter. Each second he didn’t look at her made tiny seeds of dread bloom in the depths of her soul. “That’s why you’re happy,” he mumbled. He nodded as if he couldn’t stop and sighed before looking at her again. His eyes had taken on a glossy, reddened tint.

“Thank you for trusting me. Realizing that, um,” Takumi said, pausing for a moment, “that hit me kind of hard.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked quietly.

“Four. Obviously, you’ve been keeping this a secret for a reason.”

She hadn’t been thinking about trust when she told him. Ryan and Feenie had been there when she figured it out (thank God). Dr. Burris had to pry it out of her, didn’t he? And she still couldn’t say the word properly to him. Telling Takumi had been a choice—not by chance or out of necessity. It was her decision, completely on her own.

(She trusted him.)

htis fucking book hasnt made me cry in like a dozen chapters and i thought the heavy shit was over but nooooooo

and like lol i keep saying this text is calling me out...not to get personal, Again, but literally u realize stuff about urself when you read shit like this...i always play like i’m so comfortable with everything but the truth is i put ace on my profile and let other people google it and it has nothing to do with me i never see it--i dont think i’ve ever told ANYBODY irl so like...tbh i couldn’t get it out as well as she did i bet like you go alice

“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you the other night,” he said. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

He was so close and so far away, as if there was an imaginary pane of glass between them. She wanted him to hug her and make the tension go away.

“No, I didn’t think that at all. That’s not why I told you.”

“This should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, partly because I want to, but also because I think you need to hear it. If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. My feelings for you are exactly the same as they were an hour ago. This doesn’t change anything between us.”

HEYYYYYYYYYY YEAH!!!!! i’m so happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!! if anybody ever said anything like this to me i’d die on the spot!!!!!!!! YOU GO ALICE

gotta break this post here bc it’s getting long again, hopefully i can finish the rest of the book before dawn & in the next one

#personal #LTAL

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