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#beefro's test kitchen
beefrobeefcal · 2 days
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So here's one from left field...
It happened. I have now read too many Omegaverse!Peepaw fics to not try my hand at it. It should be noted that I have no idea what I'm doing and who knows if this fic will ever actually see the light of day.
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So, a sample of a BigFish (OTWF) Omegaverse AU fic that is rotting my brain...
Yours in sin (literally),
Beefro👌🥩💜
You knew the moment you walked into the room that you were fucked. No matter what suppressants you took, there was no way you could be this close to this many men – alphas or not – and get by without a hint of your scent bleeding through.  Sitting at the head of the large mahogany table was Francisco Morales, this pack’s alpha. No one called him by his real name, and only a few were granted permission to call him ‘Frankie’; everyone else called him ‘BigFish” - a play on words from his military days’ callsign.   He was large and intimidating, sitting back in the armchair. Most pack alphas were bigger in stature, but you'd heard that BigFish was bigger in everything - frame, weight, temper... and you were the unfortunate sacrificial lamb being sent from your weaker pack to his as a peace offering. His dark eyes watched you, narrowing as you approached the table, and he lifted his head to sniff the air.   The only sounds in the room were the crackling fire in the hearth and the low rumble from his chest. 
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toxicanonymity · 5 months
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WIP Wednesday
Ty for the tags @iamasaddie @beefrobeefcal @milla-frenchy @romanarose @gracieispunk and anyone else because I'm not getting all my tags.
Long ago I posted a WIP snippet of vampire Joel talking to a librarian, and I've axed that version in favor of a librarian with more personality/potential.
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He sighs and opens it. Her message just says “Joel,” then a picture comes through. His stomach drops. It’s his search history. About taking care of adult human women and keeping them from running away. She must have taken it darkly. She would.
“God damnit,” he quietly curses himself. Of course he didn’t clear it. He didn’t even log off. God, he's an idiot. She's typing. Joel's heart is racing. She stops, then starts again, and he presses the heels of his palms into his temples. What now? Should he call her? She wouldn't tell anyone, but – Her message comes through with a woosh: “this is what librarians are for”
“Ha," he scoffs with the slightest smile. He shakes his head and turns the lock screen off without answering. He’s cautiously relieved, but a little worried too - He's seen her at her worst. God, he hopes that was her worst. What does she want?
Another message comes in: “let me help you"
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Tiktoks for those unfamiliar with misty Quigley
Ty @dark-scape for helping name her 🙏
Lately I've posted riskier teasers bc I love to know people might react. guess this is kinda my test kitchen now. I'm a Beefro fangirl. Beefro is a genius.
np tags @noxturnalpascal @beskarandblasters @jupiter-soups @gasolinerainbowpuddles and anyone who wants. sorry if you already went!
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beefrobeefcal · 29 days
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Because I'm genuinely excited for FAT subby, needy, loquacious EZRA, here's a piping hot snippet for the untitled [more than like not a drabble but a full blown one shot] Ezra fic.
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Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
@morallyinept @xdaddysprincessxx @noxturnalpascal
You’d cared for him when his appendage was newly parted from his person, after a young woman dumped him off at your meager midwife’s centre. You hadn’t delivered a baby in at east eight cycles, but you were busy tending to broken bones and crushed limbs from the mine near by, so the idea of caring for a wound caused by a missing arm wasn’t far from your everyday. What was far from the standard men in your care was that this one wouldn’t shut up. Truly. You’d never encountered someone so close to death spew such a narrative. You almost wished to have him out of his misery just to stop his linguistic vomit. Thank god for sedatives. You didn’t even want to know his name, worried that if you had his, he’d need yours and there was no way someone this sick and wounded that was capable of carrying on like he’s memorized a thesaurus wasn’t capable of performing a hex or a curse on you.
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beefrobeefcal · 23 days
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Thank you to @tightjeansjavi & @jennaispunk for tagging me in the wip wednesday business.
This week's test kitchen sample comes from a Javi G one shot [shhh! don't tell @noxturnalpascal] currently untitled.
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
“You hear who’s coming to the office today?”, Loretta, one of the legal support staff members whispered as you used the photocopier by her desk.   You smiled as you correlated your documents and fed them through the copier. “Who?”  Her grin widened. “Javi Gutierrez.”  It had been a long time since you’d seen Javier Gutierrez - not since before his big Hollywood break, courtesy of Nic Cage. You’d gotten the low down on his current events from people in the law office you worked in, given one of the partners at the firm represented him as his entertainment lawyer.  Since you’d moved up from being just a paralegal to one of the junior associates, you’d moved under a different partner who wasn’t in that department.   Your last interaction with him had been nothing short of unforgettable as he was congratulating you on your promotion. He’d curled his tongue around your name as he took your hand into his larger one, then let his eyes wander over your frame. You’d returned the intensity of your gaze in kind and put his broad shoulders and soft-yet-sturdy frame, his pouty lips, gorgeous nose, and deep brown eyes to memory. If it had been the first and only time you’d met, you would’ve sworn it was love – or lust – at first sight. But you’d met with him many times over several months and each time, he seemed ever so slightly bolder.   That was almost three years ago. 
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beefrobeefcal · 27 days
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Howdy Beef! 💜 For your 900 Friendos Celebration, could I get a little taster of what you're cooking up with Marcus Pike?? 🍳🙏🏻😍
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A fine selection, Reby!
Ahhhh yes... Marcus. Let me just have a look... *lights a crudely made torch and wanders down a spooky dark corridor*
Most indeedidly. That's the chap. I hope this is satisfactory, Reby, and thank you for celebrating 900 friendos & counting!
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
"Look, I know what I said, but maybe...", Marcus called out from behind the bathroom door. "...maybe I am a little more out of shape than I thought." You stopped your advancement down the hallway and chuckled with a smile. "What are you talking about?" "it... it-uh... it fits... different." You paused and as the cogs in your head turned, trying to decipher what he meant. It hit you and you felt heat bloom in your core and on your face as your smile exploded into a wide eyed grin. As long as you'd known Marcus, his clothing had always fit. He'd never had an ill-fitting suit or a too-tight dress shirt or jacket. Yes, you'd notice his weight fluctuate and increase, but he camouflaged it well with his clothing. If what you were thinking was true, the gym clothing that was standard issue for all new FBI trainees - and would be the required outfit for his upcoming physical fitness test - would give you an eye full of how pudgy he'd really gotten. While sitting in your thoughts, your silence made Marcus nervous. Deciding to just rip the band-aid off, he opened the bathroom door and stepped out. Your jaw dropped.
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beefrobeefcal · 2 months
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This week’s Test Kitchen offering comes to us from a no outbreak Joel Miller one shot... when it drops, it comes with a fun announcement! [thank you @covetyou for the title suggestion and @strang3lov3 for the prompt]
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You’re-a-strange-animal regards,
Beefro👌🥩💜
NO COMMITMENT TAGLIST: @neverwheremoonchild @strang3lov3@theywhowriteandknowthings @umnitsa @covetyou @xdaddysprincessxx @notjustjavierpena
Joel Miller was your street’s cranky asshole. No one dared throw a party or hold a garage sale without letting him know first. He never called the cops; no, instead he showed up and berated who ever what hosting the offending event. And he was intimidating. He wasn’t the tallest, but he was built like a brick shithouse. You’d lived on the block for almost nine years, and in that time, Joel had gone from being a broad, sturdy single father to a single, empty nester who lived off HungryMan frozen meals. He was a big man with linebacker shoulders and a meaty chest stacked on top of a boulderous belly. His plaid button up shirts always looked like they were holding on for dear life to avoid his temper. And you were in love with him.
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beefrobeefcal · 7 months
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Beefro's Test Kitchen
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Once again, I bring you a snippet of the next chapter of On The Waterfront. Enjoy!
You felt his eyes on you the whole time and you refused to turn around. At this point, you would have preferred him to corner you and holler, intimidate you, make you call him Mr. Morales. Goddammit, you remembered how he looked at you when he told you what to call him - his voice pitching deeper, his eyes getting darker, his large frame dwarfing yours in more ways than one. Christ, you could feel your legs getting weak under you just thinking about it, and how he looked watching you. Were his eyes dark? Was his lip curled? Was he sitting back in the stool, resting his thick, veined arms over his middle, making his stomach more prominent, or was he leaning over the counter letting his belly hang?  But you were also nervous. What if he was glaring at you, eyes full of disdain? What if he was waiting for you to turn around so he could ridicule you, belittle you, make you feel insignificant? What if he decided you weren’t worth it and you were taking up precious space and you were of no use to him? What would he do with you? What would he do to you?  Your mind began to creep to dark places as you tried keeping your composure. Thinking about what he would do to you or what he could have someone else, like Pope, do to you made your hands tremble as your breathing became shaky. You prayed he didn’t notice, but you knew he would. He didn’t get to where he was by not being perceptive and he was watching you carefully. 
I still have house guests (until Monday) but Chapter 3 will be posted soon. BUT FIRST! Dieter.
You're-a-strange-animal-that's-what-I-know regards,
Beefro 👌🥩💜
NON-COMMITAL TAGLIST:
@theywhowriteandknowthings @neverwheremoonchild @goodwithcheese @rebel-held @toxicanonymity
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beefrobeefcal · 7 months
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Hey Saint Beefro,
How’s chubby Dieter coming? 😙
(Yes, that’s a loaded question 😉)
Beefro's Test Kitchen
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ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. I have Dieter open and I'm working furiously away at him....
I have written and rewritten this and I want Dieter out just as much as you!
Thank you @theywhowriteandknowthings for the tag. And because it's Wednesday, I have a gift for all you patient Friendos!
Dieter sat at the dining room table and watched as you plated the spaghetti for him with a wry grin, giving you a wink when you looked at him. Frank, his assistant, had warned that Dieter was a kinky bastard who liked to set up scenarios in his head then execute them with most being none the wiser until it was too late. When you asked him to elaborate, he just gave a sympathetic shrug and said, “You’ll know it when you see it.” You were pretty sure you were seeing it now. Fuck.
yes i know I'm a tease... but give me tonight and Dieter will come out and play.
Slug-ten-drinks-I-won't-get-pickled regards,
Beefro 👌🥩💜
TAGLIST:
@theywhowriteandknowthings @harryleatherfit @harriedandharassed @neverwheremoonchild @rebel-held @beee-haw @nevergoingbacknowshine @idolatrybarbie @v4vayha @lalocitos @xdaddysprincessxx @deathsholywaterr @heareball @lyssramscal @wintrwinchestr @nerdieforpedro @noahispunk @toxicanonymity @southernbe @starkeydaviss
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beefrobeefcal · 6 months
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Beefro's Test Kitchen
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I missed last week, but this week's WIP is courtesy of On the Waterfront Chapter 6: Bangarang.
Enjoy!
“Hey Honey...”, Pope purred with a wry grin. “Where you off to?” You looked away from him and sucked in an irritated breath. “I’m looking for Mr. Morales.” “Mr. Morales, huh?”, he chuckled. “Last I saw, he was stuffin’ his face with those cookies you made for Benny.... real sweet of you to do that for him.” He winked at you and opened the door to the lounge, and low and behold, there was Frankie sitting on the couch, munching away at what looked like the last of the cookies. “Fish - found your girl wanderin’ around unescorted.”, Pope told him in a firm voice. Frankie looked at Pope then back at you, his eyebrow raised. “Really...”, he shook his head slightly and wiped the crumbs from his face. “What were you doing, baby girl?” Before you could answer, Pope spoke out, stepping in front of you. “Probably looking for Benny to tell him she made his favourite cookies...” Pope turned and gave you a grin that made your skin crawl. You looked from him to Frankie as he stood up and motioned you to move closer to him. You stepped forward, feeling like a reprimanded dog as Frankie looked down at you.
Jig-a-dee-jig regards,
Beefro 👌🥩💜
TAGLIST:
@theywhowriteandknowthings @harryleatherfit @harriedandharassed @neverwheremoonchild @rebel-held @beee-haw @nevergoingbacknowshine @idolatrybarbie @v4vayha @lalocitos @xdaddysprincessxx @deathsholywaterr @heareball @lyssramscal @wintrwinchestr @blackfemalenerd @toxicanonymity @southernbe @starkeydaviss @patti7dc @gwendibleywrites @pimosworld
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beefrobeefcal · 6 months
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Beefro's Test Kitchen
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This week's test kitchen offering comes from Chapter 7 of On the Waterfront... which will be coming soon... eventually.
Will watched Benny silently from across the room. He saw his brother furiously twisting his hands and clenching his jaw; saw the vein in his forehead pop out as his face turned red with rage. Will knew he was at fault for this; he knew Benny had a soft spot for vulnerable people, especially women. He knew Frankie was wrong about how Benny felt, but he wasn’t willing to correct him and confirm that Benny wanted to fuck you as much as Frankie wanted to diet. But the powder keg that was hitting a critical point across the room in his brother was far more worrisome than he’d accounted for. Benny could be a dangerous man, given the right mindset, and he wasn't afraid of violence or being violent. This was the reason he was so valuable to the Frontiersmen - he wasn’t afraid of getting his hands dirty for the right cause, and Will worried that you were becoming the right reason for Benny to unleash that terrible dog in him at Frankie. 
I-get-a-little-bit-Genghis-Khan regards,
Beefro 👌🥩💜
TAGLIST:
@theywhowriteandknowthings @harryleatherfit @harriedandharassed @neverwheremoonchild @rebel-held @beee-haw @nevergoingbacknowshine @idolatrybarbie @v4vayha @lalocitos @xdaddysprincessxx @deathsholywaterr @heareball @lyssramscal @wintrwinchestr @blackfemalenerd @toxicanonymity @southernbe @starkeydaviss @patti7dc @gwendibleywrites @romanarose @inept-the-magnificent
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beefrobeefcal · 7 months
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Beefro's Test Kitchen
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Do I have any WIP's? Yes. Are they any good? Debatable.
This week's WIP is courtesy of Contract Conundrums staring Dieter Bravo & Cookie:
You had three months to get Dieter another 30 lbs heavier, and he was making it difficult. You were a week in, and his picky eating habits were hampering your efforts to do your job. He’d told you he liked fancy food, but everything that you made him had come back to the kitchen barely touched, and he’d refused to tell you what he actually wanted.  According to his assistant, Frank, Dieter took this movie role for a paycheque and signed the contract before being told he’d have to gain weight for it. His vanity had come into play, but the amount he would have to pay to get out of the contract was ridiculously high. After tantrums and screaming matches with Dan, his manager, Dieter finally agreed to do the role, but he wanted a private chef.  “He swore me to secrecy.”, Frank whispered to you in the kitchen. He took a look at the door then turned back to you. “Don’t tell him you heard this from me, but he’s a classic stoner… grilled cheese, burgers, pizza… y’know?”  You gave Frank a grin and motioned your lips being sealed. “I heard nothing. You were never here. I just happened to take a chance and hit the jackpot.” 
NoPressureTagList:
@neverwheremoonchild @theywhowriteandknowthings @rebel-held @toxicanonymity @blackfemalenerd @goodwithcheese
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beefrobeefcal · 10 days
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Thanks for the tag! @xdaddysprincessxx 💜🥩💜
Rules: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.
I'm going to cheat and give you more (bc why not?) and just like my beloved Prinny, it's gonna be Ezra from me, too.
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
NO PREESURE TAGLIST: @strang3lov3 @noxturnalpascal @theywhowriteandknowthings @morallyinept @goodwithcheese @rebel-held
“You’ve been eating well.”, you managed to croak out in a somewhat aloof-sounding voice, nodding towards his middle.   He didn’t shrink back at your comment; instead, it seemed to embolden him.  “You started me on a path of decadence that a mere man such as myself isn’t able to easily shake.”  He stood to his full height, eyes never leaving yours. “Is that all you noticed?”, he grins, lifting his brass appendage, bringing the crude and simple brass hand to his face, smoothing over his moustache.  
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beefrobeefcal · 10 days
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Thanks for the tag! @wintrwinchestr💜🥩💜
Rules: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence. as you want.
I'm going to cheat AGAIN and give you more (bc I can) and it's Ezra again.
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
NO PREESURE TAGLIST: @atticrissfinch @toxicanonymity @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @aurorawritestoescape
He dropped to his knees and crawled up, forcing your legs apart, and his belly barely grazed your middle as his face lined up with yours. You let out an involuntary whimper.  ���Oh, sweet Cricket. How badly I wanted you on your back, making those sweet vocalizations your name sake promised me.”  His flesh and bone hand gently grazed your face and moved to the back of your head, softly fisting your hair, forcing your head to stay still as he traced his nose along the contours of your face. His eyes remained half lidded and he watched as your own rolled back when he pushed his knee into the crux of your thighs, knowing he had all but your verbal consent.  
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beefrobeefcal · 4 months
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Thank you @tightjeansjavi for the tag for a WIP Thursday post, and regards to @rebel-held for their ask yesterday.
This round of BTK... oh I don't like that AT ALL... try again.
This snippet from Beefro's Test Kitchen is brought to you from the next one shot for Dave York & his Kitten: Make Me, Yorkie.
“Awe, Dave got greedy and now he’s got a tummy ache.”, you cooed in a mock-pout. You stood above him and smirked. “Look at you. How much weight do you think you’ve put on in the last month? You really treated yourself over Christmas… Just bought you that shirt and it’s already getting too small, honey.” His brown eyes looked like molten copper with the rage you incited; you were really hitting his buttons and it only made you bolder. “Do not do this, Kitten. I am not playing. I had a shitty day, and-“ "Did you enjoy all those cookies? It looks like you did…”, you interrupted in a soft, smug voice, nodding your head to his middle. "Last warning.”, he growled. “You’re too fat and full to do anything about it.” “Knock. It. Off.”, he snarled through his clenched teeth. “Behave! I fucking mean it!” A grin spread across your face, and you licked your lips. “Make me, Yorkie.”
non-committal tag list: @theywhowriteandknowthings @ghoulettesinspace @iamasaddie @toxicanonymity @xdaddysprincessxx @rebel-held @romana-after-dark @noxturnalpascal and anyone else who wants to play!
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beefrobeefcal · 4 months
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Beefro's Test Kitchen
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Thank you @theywhowriteandknowthings for the tag, and now that Ch8 is done and out, I'm happy to share...
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So-long-and-thanks-for-all-the-fish regards,
Beefro 👌🥩💜
Normally, I'd get into the nitty gritty of the why's and the how's, but normally, I wouldn't be in a ship, slipping through space at an alarming rate while trying to stay a head of a weird, space-age, sentient garbage can bounty hunter who has made his next target me, Beefro. It's so silly. You're gonna laugh. You know when you travel and you're not sure about the local customs? And sometimes you make a little faux-pas? That's all this is. It's a misunderstanding that now has me hurling through space on a stolen ship filled with the crown jewels of some tentacled thing planet. Okay, wait... I get it. I know... but I can explain! I can't read gibberish. How was I supposed to know the sign said "DO NOT ENTER" and not "REMOVE SHOES BEFORE ENTERING". All I have to go on space travel is "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and I have my fucking towel! I'm doing everything right according to this book that I haven't read in... in a while... Jesus tapdancing Christ.
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beefrobeefcal · 7 months
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Beefro's Test Kitchen
I have been summoned! Thank you @iamasaddie & @xdaddysprincessxx for haling me.
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This week's WIP is courtesy of On the Waterfront Chapter 2. I had another one in mind but that's for a very special The Catfish & The Mouse one shot but it needed spoiler warnings allllll over it.
Enjoy this morsel of chapter 2!
Into-the-river-below-I'm-running-from-the-inferno regards,
Beefro 👌🥩💜
By the time you’d made too many abstract shapes playing connect the dots on the popcorn ceiling, you heard voices and footsteps in the hallway getting closer. You sat up, putting your feet on the floor and listened.   “Which one she in?”  “Fuck you, Pope!”  “Ah, come on, Benny… can’t keep her for yourself, buddy!”  “Both of you – cut it out!”  “Will - tell Pope to keep his fuckin’ distance from her. She doesn’t need his shit!”  “That’s not up to you, Benny. So far, Fish hasn’t said no bueno. So, stay in line.”   “Fuckin’ rights. Where is she? Just wanna give her a warm welcome.”  “Pope… don’t push it.”  “She in your room, Benny?”  “Jesus – no, Pope! Leave her the fuck alone!”  “Will said it already. Fish hasn’t said she’s off limits and he had you put her here with us. She’s gonna be – “  Pope’s sentence was cut off by a loud thud and Pope grunting, followed by raised voices, yelling, and quick footsteps and stomping. The scuffling and yelling abruptly stopped.   “The fuck is going on?”  “Fish! Benny’s fucking lost it, man!”  “Leave her the fuck alone!”  “That sweet little pussy’s gonna fuckin' – “  “Pope, shut the fuck up! Will, get him to his room.”  “Fish! Please! Don’t let’em touch her!”  “Come on, Ben…” 
NoPressureTaglist:
@theywhowriteandknowthings @neverwheremoonchild @rebel-held
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