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#bodymindheartsoul
fromclaudiadasi · 1 year
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🛤Otro gran aprendizaje de mi carrera y de mi biografía, guía en muchas tempestades internas y alumbradora. Decirle a la cabeza y al corazón🕯esto es hacia donde voy o más bien, aquí es donde estoy bien🌠 así que voy a caminarlo y el resto, suelto, abandono el control. Da silencio interior y armonía. #bodymindheartsoul #selfcare #bienestar #bienestaremocional #wellbeing #frasesinspiradoras #consciencia #despertarespiritual #lifestylebrand #fromclaudiadasi #mediterranea #1993 #elamor #2022 #valencia2022 (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkX-0vKt1Ti/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Real Healing Shit Part 2
After our play last night, I felt unsettled and upset and it took me a while to identify why. Much of it was an emotional release that came up to be processed, but some of it was unmet needs in the moment, because I did not understand them enough to ask for them to be met. I must emphatically insist that you did not do anything to hurt or neglect me. What we have done together has not, as far as I can tell, created any new injuries (at least for me), it has only uncovered old pain and trauma which already existed in my body so that it could be released. What follows is what I have processed and come to understand on this front so far:
I’ve written before about how stiffly I’ve always held my hips and pelvis because of the stuck, stagnant energy therein, and how I carry a lot of weight on my abdomen, and how much of it is a physical manifestation of the energetic armor and unprocessed emotions that I’ve accumulated over the years. I refuse to accept the bullshit (super unscientific, harmful, and dangerous) idea that thin = healthy and fat = unhealthy, because I, as a person who is studying and familiarizing herself with the true best practices regarding our relationships with food and with our bodies, know that everyone’s body is capable of knowing what it wants and needs, and that happy, exercised, well-nourished, and healthy bodies can be (and are) all kinds of different shapes and sizes. And I also intuitively know that my particular body will be happier when I can let go of much of the weight that is extra for me - because it is a simultaneously literal and metaphorical weight. The energetic/psychological/historical patterns that I have stored in my chakras/energy body *are* the same thing as this extra flesh. In order for me to do much of the Divine Feminine healing work we both serve - that which comes from my own life, and that which I have inherited - I need to engage with and dislodge these stuck emotions and traumas, and then feel them until I can release and resolve them. (I seem to have inherited a LOT of energetic trauma from my family and ancestors - all kinds of crappy behavioral/relationship/thought software, especially through my maternal line. My work is cut out for me!)
It feels like there is a deep, deep well of this stuff that is stuck deep in my lower belly, and that it can be accessed through ecstatic movement, energy work, sex, and pleasure (and naturally, the overlap of these) - through the physical and energetic movement of and within my pelvic bowl and female reproductive organs. The first time I remember masturbating was sometime in later elementary school when I discovered that pressing deeply into my lower abdomen brought me a particular pain-pleasure, never satisfying, but strongly desired all the same. Even after I learned how to stroke my clit to orgasm in college, I have continued to find myself wanting to press deep into this tight, needy, aching place (often when I’m full of sexual energy after a clitoral orgasm) which I think is somewhere near or just beyond my cervix, and I believe to be the inner nexus of my second chakra.
I think that a lot of the types of sexual desire that I’ve been feeling - wanting to be fucked hard and rough and deep, wanting my ass spanked and played with and fucked, wanting to be split open and have everything I’ve been carrying around in this place pulled out and held and tended to, wanting to be emptied of all the old, stagnant, painful detritus so that I have space to move kundalini up into and through my second chakra in a way that will allow me to truly surrender and receive pleasure and create and connect socially and sexually in healthy and whole ways: all of this lust is my bodymindheartsoul asking for the type of sexual energy work that it needs to heal itself. This is, I think, a big part of why we are called to each other: you are a safe, trustworthy, masculine source of the destructive sexual energy I need to destroy and heal the feminine wounds that Gaia has bestowed on me to carry and seek healing for. You are an acolyte of the Goddess who knows how to hold the Sacred Space I need to do this work, and I am a healer in her training/self-healing/transformation journey preparing to serve the Divine Feminine in my future clients (both formal/mass-consciousness clients and the erstwhile “clients” that have always been drawn to me for counsel and nurturing). This is why we are drawn together. This is our sacred contract.
For the longest time I’ve wanted to be filled and stretched open in a way that my own fingers could never achieve. During sex with Sweetie, I could never relax enough to accept more than two of his fingers at the absolute maximum - most of the time one was as much as I could take, but I often wanted more then, and I DEFINITELY do now. I don’t think we really spent enough time with foreplay, with few exceptions, and that this is part of why I found it so difficult to accept penetration: I rarely felt safe/unguilty enough to take as much of his time and effort as I needed to become fully aroused and/or have a truly satisfying climax. I also think that my bodymindheartsoul knew that I was not yet mature enough, or safe and held enough, to begin processing the stored shadow ‘stuff’ that would be woken up once I allowed anyone (wether someone else or even myself) deep enough into my body to touch it and awaken it.
A little over a week ago, I (finally, at the ripe old age of 29!!) got myself a dildo. This long held and growing desire to be stretched open the way I have never truly been ready for before - almost like lancing an abscess - has made penetration sound so fucking good that I gave in and sought out something to fill that need (pun so intended). The first time I tried the new toy, again about a week ago, it was very difficult for me to enjoy. I brought myself to climax once before I even began inserting it, because I hoped it would help prepare me. It didn’t help much, and eventually I had to stop because try as I might (again - I made the mistake of trying to force my pleasure, and I think I tried too soon after my bleed ended as well) it became more and more painful and I slid further and further away from pleasure, let alone orgasm. As I was trying to force myself back towards pleasure and climax, I became angry and frustrated with myself, but eventually I became numb and almost detached. I think that some lines blurred between the stored pain that I was tapping and releasing, and the pain that I was causing myself.
In the time since, I have experimented more with my new toy (but also while trying to practice self-compassion and surrender and self-trust) and I have achieved two of the BIGGEST, most long-lasting orgasms OF MY LIFE, and I loved the boneless, deep, pleasurable aaaaaache afterward :) Last night I wanted to experience another amazing climax like that, and to share it with you. I also felt that longing to be stretched open, to be fucked hard and rough and ragged, and it wasn’t until after the fact that I realized it was at least partially because a deeper part of me wanted more of that stubborn baggage exorcised out of me - it wanted the violent sex that could break open my injured parts so I could do more healing. Our dance turned me on enough that it was easy to penetrate myself and accept the toy I wanted to use, and with it I tried to give myself that hard deep fuck, but I really wanted someone else - someone I trust, like you - to give it to me. I kept pushing myself again, and I fucked myself deep and hard, and I became frustrated, and at once point - almost like a fever breaking - my emotions shifted and a vulnerable, sad place opened up within me, and a deep muscle trembling began. If you’ve read anything about psoas muscle/deep pelvic muscle trauma release, you’ll know what I’m talking about. This happened shortly before we both agreed to let go of orgasm and call it a night.
After we slowed down and stopped, I continued to feel a deep, occasionally sharp physical pain, with it’s correlated emotional ache and sadness, and wanted to debrief and receive aftercare and comfort to process it with. I think my assessment of feeling ‘restored’ was a little premature - it was less a restored energy, and more that I was feeling the healing process begin. Because we didn’t continue this work together, I turned to familiar sources of comfort to self-soothe and regulate my nervous system: hearty food, an audiobook, my bed, and a mindless phone game (mahjong, sudoku, and nonograms, if you’re wondering). These are all useful tools which, sometimes I use intentionally, and sometimes I misuse to numb myself out with. Last night, I chose to mindfully use them to help me settle and cope with the pain and sadness that our play had woken up in me, but these are only coping mechanisms: they are not the held sacred space and emotional connection that I needed to support me while I did the healing work with the released trauma. I wanted to ask you for more attention, but I chose not to both because I wanted you to have enough rest after giving so much of yourself, and because I needed to step back and try to understand what I was feeling and needing before I could explain it to you and ask you to help meet it.
I want you to know - with absolute certainty - that you cannot accept *any* responsibility for this experience I had. Yes, I felt my needs and I were neglected and untended, but because I did not communicate that to you (largely because I didn’t yet understand what those needs were), you are 100% blameless in this. Furthermore, it is only because of this unpleasant experience that I do now know what I want and need, and what to ask for in the future.
Because of my raw, mid-transformation state, and the way that sexual play has such power to prompt emotional release in me, even casual, fun sexual play has potentially intense emotional consequences for me. If we are going to continue to play, I would ask that we only allow ourselves to get into it when we both have the time and energy for aftercare and processing. For my part, I promise to improve my self-monitoring and communication so that I don’t set myself up to be neglected again and we can both have a better idea of when I will need that extra attention, and when I am safe to just have some fun. I ask you to keep in mind that I am dealing with deep and difficult work - deeper than many other Dakini you have danced with, I suspect - and I will need you to make sure that both of us are tended to as we do. Even light, easy play has the tendency to draw serious business out of my metamorphosing energy body. I am still learning how to fill my own cup, and how to ask for help filling myself up when needed. Please encourage me to tend to myself this way, and I encourage you to do the same. Neither of us can serve the Goddess from empty vessels.
I know down in my bones that I need to process this physically stored emotional/mental/spiritual trauma in my second chakra and develop healthier ways of processing trauma and meeting my needs that go beyond mere coping mechanisms and instead allow me, one day, to do this work for myself. I don’t want to rely on you forever. I want to learn how to hold the space I need for myself while I heal - because that is what will make me strong enough of a healer to hold sacred space for others, too - but until I learn how to do so, I need your help to destroy those energetic blocks and I need your support while I reassemble myself afterwards. I need my Shaman to swim alongside me in the shadowy deep. Teach me how to fish in the bottom of my ocean, Weaver. Help me weave a net to catch myself. To fish out the good pieces I can rebuild myself with and leave the dross that only weighs me down.
This isn’t the kind of work we can do every day - my system isn’t yet strong enough to process this deeply more than once, maybe twice a week. I trust us to flow and feel the timing out as we go. I am intimidated and afraid of the vast sea I’m diving into, but I have come too far to give up now. I have done entirely too much giving up, and I’m committing now to saving myself before I drown, and training until I am a strong enough swimmer to accompany others in their own oceans.
Time to jump in the deep end, Lover. Are you coming with me?
All my love,
Your Lionfish
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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🌳 -Te quiero abrazar pero no puedo verte los ojos. Me gustaría. Los vería desde la nuca. Tengo posdatas por todo el techo de la ciudad. Esta es la de hoy. -Disculpa ¿tienes fuego? ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @dlrsg 🎞 @malvarrosa_filmlab Cuando todos los días eran fiesta. #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkNp-oktt69/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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🌳 -Te quiero abrazar pero no puedo verte los ojos. Me gustaría. Los vería desde la nuca. Tengo posdatas por todo el techo de la ciudad. Esta es la de hoy. -Disculpa ¿tienes fuego? ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @dlrsg 🎞 @malvarrosa_filmlab Cuando todos los días eran fiesta. #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkNp-oktt69/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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Muchas veces pasa esto, mostrarse 🌿vulnerable = sentirte insegur@, como si te estuvieras jugando algo, cuando nada más lejos de la realidad, es tener el valor de ser tu mism@, es tu valor🌻 Si de salida alguna vez has sentido miedo en lugar de gratificación o disfrute, para la cabeza y preguntate esto. 🌻La valentía de ser y de hacer. 🌻De darte la libertad y acogimiento de poder ser tal y como eres en corazón es lo importante para contigo mism@🌹 #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #selfcare #bienestar #bienestaremocional #wellbeing #reflexionar #frasesinspiradoras #consciencia #despertarespiritual #lifestylebrand #elevateconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/p/CiFAePctWS3/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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Portrait🎞 ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @dlrsg Insustituible🤍 @dlrsg con poco hemos hecho todo @carmencitafilmlab ❤️ #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChFJzTUNNI7/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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Rocío con sal, paseando sin demasiado compromiso, buscaba tropezarme con una luz que diera clarividencia al enigma… y todo sin saber saberlo, aún, despistada entre algunas flores y la familia 🌼 ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 🐛@love.whatsurvives & @raquel.norte 🐛 #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjA22WntE-y/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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-Quiero independizarme de lo prosaico, unas minivacaciones, luego vuelvo… Estaba pensando, en eso que dijiste el otro día…creo que me iré, aquí no me pasa nada. Por dentro, por fuera…todo permanece sin cambios…Y está bien, me es reconfortante esta calma paradisiaca pero… por dentro, hay un impulso que me pide que me camine…supongo…quiero encontrarme más a mí misma…- -si…lo sé.- Y nos quedamos ahí…sabiéndolo todo, diciendo poco. Poco nos hacía falta. -¿Tú qué harás?- -Necesito quedarme…también quiero…deseo… eso…conocerme más. En mi caso, aquí. Aquí el ritmo es diferente. Me sentará bien. Hay algo que tengo que escuchar y con tanto ruido no tengo acceso.- -Hipatias del ser.- -Shut up. - Y se reía cómplice. ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 mi loli @dlrsg 🫂 🎞 @carmencitafilmlab #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci0PPD-tjrq/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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en el amor nos elegimos libremente 🦋 no renuncies nunca a tu ser por beneficio de que algo funcione, si tienes que estar poniendo tú siempre para que funcione, entonces es que no funciona. Saber decir que no, saber irte, aún siendo doloroso, es haberte dado cuenta de qué amas 🫁 de cómo deseas amar y ser amad@, de dónde si quieres estar y dónde ya no mensajes para el corazón🫀🫂 siempre y todo es una oportunidad de aprendizaje, de ti. De conocerte🐝 #bodymindheartsoul #selfcare #bienestar #bienestaremocional #wellbeing #frasesinspiradoras #consciencia #despertarespiritual #lifestylebrand #fromclaudiadasi #mediterranea #1993 #elamor #2022 #valencia2022 (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ciu0YOotKzF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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👋🏻Como actriz aprendí que el reconocimiento 🙌🏻 en todos los ámbitos de la vida, emanaba de mí misma independientemente de que fuera otro el que pudiera al final decidir cogerme o no para el papel o lo que fuera. Esto empezó a “engordar” 🐬la confianza en mi criterio, la confianza en mí. la validación, las respuestas de salida con nosotros ante la duda, todo está dentro de un@. No hay más, busca dentro no fuera🫀 #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #selfcare #bienestar #bienestaremocional #wellbeing #frasesinspiradoras #consciencia #despertarespiritual #lifestylebrand (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiPg-z3tUd4/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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-¡Nina, Nina! ¿Puoi avere altra limonata?-🍋 Ese día quería monopolizar la manguera y quedarme horas sin tiempo bajo el agua. 🌅Una nueva inquietud se había formulado, solo que aún no podía verla. ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @love.whatsurvives & @raquel.norte 🌺 🎞 @carmencitafilmlab #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiKTJzQNJep/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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Tiptoeing🐅 - Te entiendo, estás molesta. Te prometo que hoy llegaré antes-. ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @dlrsg 🐋 🎞 @carmencitafilmlab #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ch6sbIktOp6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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Había algo refrescante en sentirme tan expuesta. Algún miedo que se había roto en directo y me pillé a mi misma viendo como se deshacía, aliviada, por fin sin restricciones, des/cubierta. -1,2,3 patata-. ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @dlrsg 🌻 🎞 @carmencitafilmlab 🫧 #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, España) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChzGTFfNBUX/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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Era un 14 de invierno, cuando la ciudad se colaba, protagonista y de azul, por la ventana. La pregunta crepitaba en la habitación. Quizás mañana…-¡Coffee time!-…se anunciaba tan tierno desde la cocina. ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @dlrsg 🎞 @carmencitafilmlab 🌸 #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral https://www.instagram.com/p/CheZZVTNf2D/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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🐝Sentirte libre por sentirte tal como. No somos estáticos, cada día sucede la vida y nosotros con ella y nuestro sentir es dinámico al igual que nuestra percepción. Que estés sintiendo algo que te sacude, que te saca de tu zona de confort, que te hace despertar no es ni bueno ni malo, es que te están pasando cosas. 🦋 Y ahí está todo. #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #selfcare #bienestar #bienestaremocional #wellbeing #frasesinspiradoras #consciencia #despertarespiritual #lifestylebrand https://www.instagram.com/p/ChApmpgNH8L/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fromclaudiadasi · 2 years
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🎞 ➕ Creative, Art Direction @fromclaudiadasi ➕ Photo Direction 📸 @love.whatsurvives & @raquel.norte ese día los dos me estaban queriendo mucho por yo querer mucho sol y ellos mucha gorra. #fromclaudiadasi #littleheartrituals #bodymindheartsoul #visualstoryteller #visualbranding #visualbrander #bienestaremocional #selfcare #carmencitafilmlab #analogphotography #analoguecommunity #filmcommunity #filmsisnotdead #analoglife #analogfilmlab #emotionalhealth #healing #healthylifestyle #consciencia #despertarespiritual #bienestarintegral (en Valencia, Spain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CgctubotkKK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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