#btw despite being a big sigmatsu shipper the two of them are just platonic in this au but still become close friends

[bungobble-my-balls]

Yosano's not having a good time

So this started as a scene idea that basically turned into a mini fanfic. It's still worded more like an idea than a fanfic though.

The premise started with Mori offering to treat Dazai after the events of the current arc since he needs very skilled medical help, and Yosano stepping in and basically telling him to fuck off because Dazai is her patient and to get his grimy little hands away from him. It spirals on from there.

Also despite how some things are worded, in this story Mori didn't molest Yosano or Dazai as kids or anything like some fanfics or headcanons have him do. Just the general abuse we see in canon and some medical abuse with Dazai.

1. Damage

After Dazai is freed from Mersault, he's unconscious on a medical table and in need of serious immediate medical attention, but the procedure to help him needs a professional.

Mori offers to treat Dazai, until Yosano appears with a look of absolute murder in her eyes, grabbing his wrist before he can even touch Dazai. She tells Mori that he won't be touching him. Dazai is her patient and she is his doctor, as it is with all of the agency members, and she will be the one to treat him.

Mori tells her that Dazai has injuries so severe and complicated that only a truly experienced doctor could have a chance of bringing him back to a stable condition. He says she can try if she's confident, or if she's fine with bringing Dazai back to her agency as a mindless living pile of flesh.

Yosano holds her ground and doesn't flinch, still looking at him as if she were ready to kill if he didn't back away in the next minute. She affirms that she is confident in her abilities, and has spent years studying in a field that he himself abandoned years ago.

Mori calmly backs away, and Yosano stands between him and Dazai until he's left the room. Her skin is crawling where she touched him and she wants to curl up and scream, but she has a job to do and a patient to save, so she ignores it and gets to work.

After hours of surgery Yosano sits next to Dazai. It was difficult, more difficult from the fact that she had to do the surgery in an unfamiliar room and not her usual infirmary (Dazai needed immediate attention, so once they got him she had to use the closest medical room they could find). His heart is beating at least. She's exhausted, but can't bring herself to sleep or leave the room until she's stayed with Dazai long enough to make sure he's OK. And that eeriness and Fear that Mori might come back if she leaves or sleeps won't leave her. Even after they're able to transport Dazai back to the agency infirmary, she stays with him.

Yosano knows how Mori affected Dazai. Of course she does. They spilled their guts to eachother once, then never mentioned it again, but their general relationship became better after they understood eachother. Yosano had tried to never think about it since then, but after Mori offered to 'help' Dazai alarm bells went off and she wanted to protect Dazai like she wanted to protect her younger self.

She also knew that if they had let Mori operate on Dazai, even if it all turned out well, he would never trust the agency the same again. He would rather do a lot of things than be Mori's patient again, than to be left alone in a vulnerable state around that man, than to have his life and body in that man's hands.

To add onto this, maybe this is all taking place with Fukuzawa dead, and Yosano not making it to him before he died. So the Agency is already in a vulnerable position right now, and Yosano is already in an awful state but is trying SO hard and basically forcing herself to hold it together. She just lost her father and is dealing with the guilt believing she failed to save him, her brother is a wreck (not an outburst type of grief, but a quiter moving like a ghost type grief), she had to interact with, argue with and even made physical contact with the man who stole her childhood from her, and she's just been through hours of a risky surgery that she's not even 100% sure went successfully. She's practically praying that Dazai makes it out of this ok, because even if they weren’t too close, if she loses anyone else and is responsible for it she's going to break. It's not fair to Dazai, but her mental state is basically riding on whether or not he comes out of this alive and conscious.

She stays with him for days. Atsushi tries to stay for as long as he can too, but there's still work to deal with in the aftermath of the battle. After Dazai's surgery Yosano was given time to rest, but she just used that time to keep monitoring him.

2. Unofficial member

Sigma is not an official member of the agency, as there's been no time for an entrance exam and Kunikida is still just trying to focus on keeping the Agency together and going. He has however been working with the Agency since the end of the battle. Obviously it took them all a while to trust him considering who he was, but he'd told them crucial information twice that helped them end the battle (information on the page, and information on Fyodor), and Atsushi vouched for them and offered to help them fit into the Agency like he did with Kyoka. So Sigma is not an official member, but after some time he was able to prove that at least for now the agency could trust him to help them.

Despite his worry over Dazai, for a good while they couldn't see him because Yosano didn't trust them yet to allow them into her infirmary. Sigma was updated regularly on his condition by Atsushi and the other members as they got more used to him, but that antsy feeling that they couldn't believe Dazai was there and OK wouldn't leave them until they could see him.

So on one of the rare moments where Yosano leaves the infirmary, Sigma got her attention. They told her that if she allowed it, they could prove to her that they didn't have bad intentions with their ability. Of course it was a risk to her too, since Sigma could learn whatever he wanted to about Yosano. It was a gamble, and all Sigma could really do was try to show his sincerity to her and hope she'd take the chance. She's cautious. Despite the agency growing to trust him, Yosano has spent barely any time around them. But she sees their sincerity, and grabs their hand tightly. She tells them that if this is a trick, this arm and every other bone in his body gets broken. The threat doesn't sound as harsh with her tired voice and expression, but Sigma understands the severity, and activates his ability for a brief moment.

Yosano learns of how Dazai saved Sigma, and how much Sigma feels indebted to him. Sigma learns again of Dazai's current condition, because that's all their mind has been wanting to know for a while now. Yosano understands now, but she's still cautious. She tells Sigma to follow her and shows them to where Dazai is lying. They sit on the chair next to Dazai's bed, silently watching him, not even daring to touch him. Dazai's here. His heart is still beating and he's alive, and maybe one day soon he'll wake up and Sigma can thank him properly.

From then on Sigma is allowed to see Dazai in the infirmary, but only if Yosano's in the room as well.

3. Relief

After her rest period, Yosano was nervous to leave him, but Atsushi was monitoring him in her stead while she went round to help out any injured or critical condition victims from the outbreak (just in yokohama for the time). Whenever she got back she wouldn't go home. She would stay at the agency and just keep monitoring Dazai. Sometimes his eyes would open, but he'd remain unresponsive, and they'd close soon after. Each time it happened she got a little less hopeful.

After a few weeks, Yosano is in the infirmary while most of the ADA are out. Dazai's eyes open again. And Yosano holds her breath, but isn't too hopeful as this has happened before. Then his pupils move to look at her, then he speaks. It's quiet, and hoarse, but she hears it. He's responsive, he's awake, and he's alive. The surgery was a success.

Yosano's eyes immediately start watering, and then she's sobbing with relief and just rests her head on her hands on Dazai's bed.

Dazai is still drowsy but a little more awake now if only out of confusion of just waking up and then seeing Yosano suddenly start crying next to him.

But he sees her face after she lifts her head up, and despite the fact that she was just sobbing she's also smiling, so Dazai doesn't ask.

Immediately after she's able to calm down enough to talk she explains to Dazai the situation. How he's been unconscious for weeks and the aftermath of the battle and the outbreak. She also tells him, still smiling and with tear stains on her face, that he's lucky he's injured or she'd be kicking his ass over his wrecklessness with Mersault. She let's Dazai take what he needs to in before she tells the agency that he's awake.

Then once she's told him what he needs to and he gives her the OK, she goes out to the office. The rule has always been to leave Yosano's infirmary alone unless she allows you to come in, so she's been able to isolate herself in there for a while. When she steps out everyone's attention is drawn to her. She tells them Dazai is awake. A bunch of them immediately rush from their seats to go see him, and before she let's them in Yosano gives them the rundown on his condition and to not bombard him too much.

Atsushi and some others are out on missions at that point, so she doesn't tell them until they get back so that she doesn't end up distracting them midcase.

Atsushi and Sigma are the last two to come back, both coming back late after a case that took a difficult turn. Both are physically OK, just exhausted.

Before telling him anything, Yosano checks on Atsushi to see how he's doing, to make sure the mission wasn't too hard on him and that he's ready to hear the news. After some talking, Atsushi realises what's off and questions Yosano on why she's out of the infirmary, since she'd usually be keeping watch of Dazai. Yosano smiles at him, and Atsushi immediately understands and races to the infirmary. He barges through the door before Yosano can tell him to be careful and he freezes when he sees Dazai, still lying down, but awake and looking at him. He smiles at him, and Atsushi lunges at him and hugs him (he is so close to sobbing).

Dazai makes a pained noise at the sudden weight and Atsushi immediately panics and gets off him, remembering that Dazai is still in bad condition. Dazai just pulls him down again cause he knows Atsushi needs this, and Atsushi more carefully lays his head half on Dazai's chest, trying not to put to much weight on him. He's Gripping Dazai's hospital shirt and he's just fully sobbing now. Dazai rests his hand on Atsushi's head and strokes his hair and Atsushi tries to talk through his sobbing about how much he missed him and how he thought he wouldn't make it, and how sorry he was that he couldn't get there sooner. Dazai will have a talk with Atsushi later about how it wasn't in any way his fault (and it's kind of ridiculous how he thinks it is considering he was in a different country), but he just let's Atsushi get it out for now.

Sigma stands by the door. They rushed to the infirmary seconds after Atsushi, looking at Yosano first to check if it was OK to see Dazai even without her in the room. She was still sighing but smiling over Atsushi probably giving Dazai a heart attack with how quick he seemed to run into that room, but she waved Sigma to go and he bolted just as fast. When he gets there, he sees Atsushi clinging onto Dazai and sobbing and they suddenly feel like they're intruding on a personal moment they have no right to see.

He's stuck between wanting to give Atsushi space with his mentor, and wanting to go to Dazai too. Dazai notices Sigma, and smiles at him too, and stops petting Atsushi for a moment to wave at Sigma to come over as well. That's really all it takes for them to make up their mind. They slowly make their way over to him and sit down in the opposite chair, heart beating the whole time at a reaching moment they've been waiting for since Dazai pushed them out of the elevator. He doesn't say thank you then. He doesn't speak at all for now. He just sits next to Dazai like he's done for the past few weeks. Until Dazai's free hand reaches out to them. Sigma takes it and just holds on tightly to his hand and his arm. Not tight enough to hurt, but hopefully tight enough for Dazai to feel their gratitude until he can bring himself to speak it.

The three of them just sit there for some time. Atsushi no longer babbling apologies and concerns but still quietly sobbing and gripping onto Dazai, Dazai keeping his hand on his head, and the other hand holding onto Sigma who's still silently gripping him.

So that's the first part! I ended up writing more than I thought I would so I'm splitting it up and wanted to end it here on a good note.

Second part will be Mafia related

#bsd #yosano akiko #mori ougai #dazai osamu #atsushi nakajima #sigma bsd #bungou stray dogs #btw despite being a big sigmatsu shipper the two of them are just platonic in this au but still become close friends #armed detective agency #btw I wrote this in one go in like 3 hours and I did not fact check anything so please forgive me if any information is wrong 🙏