#but also i get so many catty fucking nurses

[sezja]

I trust the receptionist at my dentist's office more than I trust the average nurse anywhere else

#it... doesn't help that the woman who nearly killed me by misdiagnosing my crohn's #was a nurse practitioner #but also i get so many catty fucking nurses #i tell them i'm a hard stick for bloodwork or ivs #and their response is to take it as a professional insult #and start talking shit about other nurses #'oh we know what we're doing here' #'they don't know what they're doing over there at [other location]' #the last place i went took out five vials for bloodwork. #spent five whole minutes shit talking other nurses #and ultimately got 2.5 vials and decided that was gonna be good enough. #if i can avoid getting bloodwork there ever again i goddamn well will

[dudeandduchess]

Teacher!Obanai x School Nurse!F!S/O: Allergies (Fluff + Smut, Taro Commissions, Slight NSFW Scenario)

Summary: Obanai and his cute little girlfriend have a moment in the school’s infirmary.

Note: Thank you so much to the bby who “commissioned” this piece. You really helped me and Taro out; all of you did. Immensely. I hope you like it! 🥰🍉

Warning: Smut, Teasing, Blowjob, Deep throating, Getting Caught in the Act

***

Despite having so much fun at the job that she had been eyeing for a long time, (Y/n) had to admit that she did miss the rush she felt when she used to work shifts at the hospital. Over there, she always had something to do, and so many patients to check up on.

And while she was glad that she didn’t have any patients in the school’s infirmary, she couldn’t help but huff a sigh as she cupped her hands over her face and spun her chair in a circle— if only to alleviate her boredom.

She’d already arranged and rearranged all of the medicine and salves that they had stocked up— in alphabetical order, no less. And she had also folded and re-folded all of the clean linens that were inside one of the cabinets.

Safe to say that she had nothing else to do, as she had also done all of the paperwork that needed to be done yesterday.

“Ughhhh,” (Y/n) groaned aloud, spinning once more in her chair while hoping to knock something over— just to have something to clean up, for something to do.

When her chair had stopped spinning though, she finally took her hands off of her face and stared right at the floor— extremely tempted to spin once more, had it not been for the quiet sound of shoe-clad feet padding against the floor out in the hallway.

Immediately, she perked up at the sound, paying rapt attention to the door and waiting in anticipation for whoever it was going to be. Because she knew that it couldn’t have been just the janitor coming to sweep the hallway.

And when she saw the door open the tiniest crack, she felt herself leaning forward; only to have a wide grin make its way onto her lips when she saw her boyfriend’s mask-clad face. His eyes, as well as the tops of his cheeks, looked a little red— but she didn’t wait any longer to get up from her seat and open up a bed for him.

After all, he was supposed to be teaching a class. So, for him to have gone to the infirmary meant that it wasn’t a simple visit to see her.

Though, her heart still started beating so hard and fast inside her chest; at the mere sight of him. It was such an unexplainable phenomenon, yet it almost always happened when she saw him; especially when he smiled at her.

One day soon, she thought that he was going to do her in with how handsome he looked.

However, she shook her head in real time to focus on the task at hand.

“What happened?” (Y/n) asked, worry coloring her tone as she threw the blanket back and walked towards Obanai— wrapping her arms around his shoulders, and steering him towards the bed she’d prepared for him.

Judging by how he looked alone, it was because of his pollen allergies. But he usually wore a mask to offset that, so it didn’t explain how he got to the state he was in at that moment.

It wasn’t that bad, just something really unusual for someone cool and calculating like Obanai.

“My mask’s strap snapped while I was in the bathroom during lunch time,” He explained quietly, as he sat down on the edge of the bed and toed his shoes off. “And I ran out of that day allergy medicine, so I had to take the ones that put me to sleep.”

“Oh,” (Y/n) answered with an understanding nod, while she closed the curtain around her and her boyfriend; whom had also loosened up his tie before laying on top of the bed— and the blanket. “You should sleep, then. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go home.”

She then sat down by his side, reaching a hand out and rubbing his chest affectionately; as an attempt to alleviate the discomfort he probably felt from his medicine flowing through his system. However, before she could pull her left hand away, Obanai laid his hand on top of hers; keeping her from moving any further.

“Stay,” The young man whispered, opening his heavy eyes a tad so he could show her those pretty, mismatched irises.

A snort made its way past (Y/n)’s lips at that, yet she still found herself scooting further up the bed so she could press a kiss to her boyfriend’s forehead. “I’m not a dog, you know?”

“I know.”

With those words hanging in the air, the couple lapsed into a comfortable silence; with (Y/n) sorely tempted to take Obanai’s mask off— since he had already taken his meds— but holding herself back, since she knew just how insecure he was about his features.

However, she made do with trailing her lips down to his mask and kissing his lips through it; giggling when his eyes lazily opened. And, just as she opened her mouth to playfully apologize for disturbing him, he had already grabbed her by the waist and pulled her on top of him.

It was just a good thing that she’d decided to wear pants that day, instead of a skirt, since it would have ripped the moment he set her astride his hips.

“Don’t tease me, sweetheart. I can still fuck you even in this state,” Obanai uttered gruffly, all while rubbing his thumbs in circles against her hips.

At those words, (Y/n) felt her entire body begin to warm up. Because not only did that give her more of an initiative to provoke Obanai, but it also made their previous activities on the same infirmary bed play in her mind.

Just the memory of how Obanai had eaten her pussy out— sucking her clit into his mouth and flicking it back and forth with the tip of his tongue— had the young woman clenching her walls to alleviate the need she felt bubbling within her.

It wouldn’t be their first time doing something so naughty in the school infirmary; so, it made her more confident as she pressed her cunt against his crotch, before beginning to grind herself against him— all to work his cock up into a sizeable erection.

“Fuck me, Obanai? Maybe I should take you up on that offer, so you can finally fuck me thoroughly.” It was nothing more than a jab at his pride— as both of them knew just how well he could fuck her— but it still drew out the reaction that (Y/n) anticipated.

Eyes narrowed in irritation, brows furrowed, and body stiff as he angrily pushed her down to straddle his thighs instead.

(Y/n) could only watch with rapt fascination— and undeniable excitement— as her boyfriend angrily unbuckled his belt, unzipped his fly, and pulled his half-hard cock out from beneath his boxers. “Suck it.”

Instead of getting offended at the blatant command, a catty smile made its way onto her face as she lowered herself even further down his legs— if only so she could lean down and grasp his cock in her right hand, while the left one anchored itself to Obanai’s hip.

She then began to pump her hand up and down her boyfriend’s length, letting her gaze flicker up to his own as he watched her open her mouth and take the head of his cock between her lips.

The young man’s low exhale filled the quiet room, which only encouraged (Y/n) even more while she swirled her tongue around the blunt cockhead; only to suck even harder, as she ran her tongue up and down the tiny slit.

In response, Obanai’s hands flew to her head— gripping her hair tightly in his fists, all while resisting the urge to lift his hips up off the bed so he could push his cock down her throat.

But if he were to be honest, he would say that it was taking everything in him to not do just that.

He wanted nothing more than to fuck (Y/n)’s mouth— and her pussy— so he could show her just how thoroughly he could pleasure her.

And as if she heard his thoughts, the young woman removed her hand from the base of his cock, and used that to pull his boxers down even more to fondle his balls; cupping them in her palm, and gently kneading his sacs between her fingers.

It had Obanai’s eyes falling shut, while he bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself quiet.

Still, despite all of his efforts, his pleasured sighs still spilled from his lips— spurring his girlfriend on even more. She kept bobbing her head up and down his length, not fully taking him down to the hilt to tease him.

It was driving Obanai crazy.

Just as (Y/n) was about to pull back to rest her jaw, the sound of the door sliding open reached both of their ears— but her boyfriend’s reaction wasn’t to panic, especially when the intruder called out her name.

“(Y/n)-sensei?” It was Rengoku Kyōjurō, much to the raven-haired man’s displeasure. He had nothing against the History teacher, but he just had a knack of always coming at the wrong time.

Everyone in the entire school could attest to that fact.

(Y/n) tried to lift her head up from her lover’s cock, but he held her in place— clearly smirking at her from behind the mask— before pushing her down to earn a soft gagging sound from her.

“She’s busy, Rengoku. Come back later.”

#iguro obanai x reader #obanai iguro x reader #obanai x reader #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #iguro obanai #kimetsu no yaiba obanai #demon slayer obanai #iguro x reader #kimetsu no yaiba iguro #kny iguro #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer fanfic #kny fanfic #kny imagines #demon slayer imagines #jen writes

[swearronchanel]

8.07

Well, damn

the girls looking so good 😭😍💖 fashion queens

“Sometimes, we simply see each other through fresh eyes and there’s joy it in”

The Turner’s poppin bottles in the house

I still love Mother Mildred she’s wild

Poor sister Frances, literally the new sister Winnifred 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now she’ll have her “first birth experience” and will have the “I’m a midwife, I can do it” epiphany lmao

Sister Hilda has some good lines lol

Hard boiled eggs yum 😂😂 LMAO ew who wants that as an appetizer or hor d’oeuvre

aw there’s baby teddy, the writers remembered his existence this time

small dry sherry pls

Set aside the bottles we are popping birth control pills ladies, on the daily so they work

violet is me in some situations like great idea but who is paying? 😂😂

POSEIDON’S HIPPYCAMP LMAOOO WHAT?

I love sister Monica Joan

Does England have any gold Olympic medals? 😂 no shade I’m just curious

Silver is still good lol but sister MJ ain’t about it

I would like to join the Phyllis Crane fan club thanks

Ofc they were right there’s like single young moms every other episode

So she’s got an STD

Are we guessing her husband is cheating? Cause I am

THE PRIDE OF THE NATION IS AT STAKE LMAOOO SHE’S SCOUTING THE KIDS FOR FUTURE ATHLETES

I want some chips even tho I still can’t used to calling them chips

YAS Mother Mildred Lmaoo tell sister J about it

Sister J has been pushed the side this series and then they give her a time to make a point and nothing lmao, the same lines she said 3 series ago about the pill

I’m offended write sister J better pls

Val spilling family tea

Her poor grandmother tho 💔 so glad a lot has changed in 60 years (even tho more still needs to change )

Miss Higgins and Phyllis is the duo I didn’t realize I wanted to see? Give us more

I knew he was cheating !! Trash

Fountain of all wisdom😂

LMAO Mother Mildred knows Phyllis isn’t down for him

Gonorrhea,,, shit

(chlamydia is the clap tho? do british people call both the clap?)

Not a chartreuse fan but cute coat for shelagh

“Nice to see you kid” pure 😭

PHYLLIS’ CRINGE at the comment I love Lucille tho lmao

“WE’VE ALL HAD A DOSE” SJSJSJ BRO ACTUALLY WE HAVEN’T LMAO

He said he paid for it so casually, why are a lot of men trash?🤦🏼‍♀️

!Courage and humility! We know this, esp humility lmaooo

This other husband seems better

Shelagh’s plaid pants Yass i love

I hope they show the Turner’s talking to the kids, as sad as it is you gotta shed light all the harsher reality side to fostering kids

My best friends’ growing up parents’ fostered so many kids throughout our childhood is was always sad watching kids come and go

“Bribery and corruption?” I love Beatrix 😂 I love when her series 1 playful/jokester self shines through

Ok but not gonna lie I LOVE Bingo LMAO

“Miss Anderson” 😭😍 pure af and she looks so pretty

Where was sister MJ when I was having nervous breakdowns failing all my math courses? 😭

An enema sounds like a nightmare Lmaoo

Aw here comes the talk 😭

Not “the talk” but that would actually be SO funny omg imagine LMAO

Idk why I expected the little kids to say something lol but at least they showed it 😭poor Tim tho

Trixie looks so good serving some mod 60s realness!!

Val’s outfit is cute too

Damn it there was the chance to bring back “children are more resilient than you think” !! (Sister B said that right?)

The fear of God “I’ve already got that” LMAOO sister Frances

My fam loves bingo we play it at my grandma’s I miss it 😂 this caller isn’t that exciting tho

also am an active player of bingo when we go on cruises bc once again YES, I am actually a 60 year old woman

“WAS SHE WORTH IT?” LMAOO

Why didn’t he yell BINGO in confused? LMAO is this british? Who says house??

Why is it hilarious to me that the hookers know Dr Turner?😂

elbow first?? Whatttt the hell

There’s the little fish looking baby 😂

Aww she’s all crusty but reminds me how excited I am to meet my niece when I get back to the states 😭

There’s the new instilled confidence lol predictable af but still sweet

Nosy bitches, I’d be so catty and just start calling people out on their issues lmao

oh yikes that’s a nasty boil

They’re having a whole party 😂

and now the party’s over

Passing the magazine that’s so cute

“What an honor” uhhh

“Hope my Val is like you” pure 😭😭

Omg she wanted to be a nurse my heart stop I’ll tear up

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Mr Pugh? Bc I don’t (am I being insensitive idk tbh)

baby girls are winning tonight

aw she’s so tiny

“You are Artemis” YAS love that greek mythology😂😭 I will scream it everywhere I love sister MJ

Who thought making “Aunt Flo” a character was ok LMAO

IF GRAN IS DEAD IM SUING OMG SJKJKJK

OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

Was not expecting that. what the fuck

And sister Mildred’s leaving aw 😭I’ll miss her

she’s like sister Evangelina but on another level lmaoo 

Why is she leaving mysteriously after her “work” is done like a magical movie nanny?  lollll

I guess this isn’t the best time to say it but this shuts down the speculations that Val had an abortion?

Ok Agnes is an ugly name but do you

this is so so sad 😭😭 this is why safe abortions need to accessible bc this is how it happens when it’s illegal

burning the fucking money, this is so heavy

They both have points tho so you can’t even point fingers at who is right or wrong in this situation. There’s no good or bad, it just is

Honestly the real one in the wrong here is the damn government who fails the state when they don’t give a damn about women and don’t provide access to legal & safe abortions and just overall make women (esp poor women)’s lives so freaking difficult !!

is Val going to call the cops? I know this isn’t the end of it

There’s Britain’s gold tho 😂

“We can never foretell when our fortunes will turn or when the story will change. Sometimes we see each other through fresh eyes and there’s no joy at all. We see what was concealed and what is shameful. We see what is true, and nothing familiar remains...”

Damn this was heartbreaking but also the best episode this weekend.

#call the midwife #comments #just random thoughts and rambles tbh

[bowlegsinthebatcave]

Joseph/Robert Head Canon Fic

So I bought Dream Daddy on Friday after work, sunk 17 hours into it between then and now, and decided to write my head canon for how Joseph and Robert get into a relationship that goes wrong. It relies heavily on the clues in the game and the datamined stuff, so if you don’t like that part of Dream Daddy, don’t read this. But really, it’s just pre-relationship fluff and a little bit of creep. Joseph is good!Joseph, coexisting with whatever is inside him that’s ruining his life and the lives of the other daddies, breaking down his marriage, and making him feel like he’s going crazy.

Thank you to the devs of this game for making something lighthearted and fun but also with undertones of angst and creep.

Robert is cute. <3

3 or 4 years ago, it’s difficult to remember these days, Robert arrived at Jim and Kim’s at his usual time on a Friday night. He greeted the bartender, Neil, with a nod, and before he even sat down, Neil had a double shot of whiskey and a napkin ready. The Game was playing on the beat-up, no-brand 32” tube TV hanging to the right of the top shelf of neatly arranged bottles of alcohol. It wasn’t a particularly busy night, which suited Robert fine.

Half an hour went by where Robert sat undisturbed, nursing the whiskey for longer than he meant to and more engrossed in The Game than he originally wanted to be. He didn’t hear his name when someone shouted it, not at first. He knew that his neighbors in the cul-de-sac all had a pretty low opinion of him in general, so he didn’t expect anybody to call out for him. When he bumped into one of the neighborhood dads at this place, it was purely by mistake and they would be polite, but give him the space they assumed he wanted.

He didn’t want space all the time and he didn’t know quite how to say that out loud without sounding like a charity case, so he stayed quiet and let them distance themselves from him.

“Robert!”

Robert snapped out of it and turned on the bar stool just enough to look over his shoulder towards the door, where Joseph Christiansen, the “Cool Youth Pastor” stood. He looked painfully out of place in a bar, with his perfectly coiffed blonde hair and stupid blue sweater from Abercrombie and Whoever the Fuck. The strangest part was that he was alone, not accompanied by one of the other neighborhood dads or Mary. And he was already heading in Robert’s direction.

“It’s nice to see a friendly face here,” Joseph said as he sat down, much to Robert’s bemusement, in the seat directly to the left of Robert’s.

“My face is friendly? This is breaking news.”

Robert didn’t think what he said was particularly funny, but Joseph apparently thought so. His mouth pulled into a huge grin full of pearly white teeth and then he laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Joseph might have been the most Stepford-looking sonofabitch that Robert’s ever seen, but there was something oddly endearing about the small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he laughed.

“What’ll you have, Joseph?” Neil asked.

Joseph’s laughter dissolved into an amused smile. “Two shots of tequila and a beer to start.”

That peaked Robert’s interest. Joseph was the epitome of the church-going, perfect father and self-proclaimed “Cool Youth Pastor”. The last thing that he ever expected to see was that type of man ordering two shots of tequila and a beer to start. If he were honest with himself, he’d say he was impressed.

“Bad day, Bible Man?” Robert asked before taking a generous swig of whiskey. He held up two fingers for Neil to see and felt satisfied when the bartender immediately started pouring him another double.

“You could say that.” Joseph didn’t offer up any details right away after that. He watched as Neil sat two shots of tequila and an open bottle of beer on the bartop in front of him, but didn’t make any move to drink them.

Robert didn’t really want to pry, so he settled for silently observing as Joseph stared at the alcohol in front of him. The entire mood of the man sitting next to him changed, Robert could feel it, and then he was curious.

“Hey Neil, you got any cut limes and salt around?” Robert asked.

Neil shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I got some whole limes in the fridge in the back.”

“Good, cut two up and bring them with some salt.”

Joseph didn’t look like he listened to the exchange at all. His downcast eyes were still fixated on the shots of tequila, his long fingers picking one up experimentally and then setting it back down.

Neil came back a minute or two later with slices of lime on a paper plate and a shaker of salt. He sat them down in between Robert and Joseph, looking a little confused as to who wanted them.

“Thanks Neil,” Robert said with a dismissive half-smile.

When Neil got the idea and walked away to the other end of the bar, Robert licked the back of his hand and shook some salt onto it. Then in one smooth move he grabbed one of the shots in front of Joseph, lapped up the salt from his skin in one go, downed the tequila, and popped a wedge of lime into his mouth to suck on. He hated tequila, just the smell alone elicited memories of very bad decisions and monumental hangovers, but he figured he could handle one shot to break the ice.

Joseph looked up at Robert, face looking more shocked than sullen. Robert continued to suck on the lime, holding Joseph’s gaze for way too long to be comfortable.

“I got into an explosive fight with Mary,” Joseph sighed.

Robert spat out the slice of lime and sat it on the bar. He wasn’t surprised that Joseph fighting with his wife was what pushed him to come to Jim and Kim’s. He’d never seen them fight in public, but the catty way they spoke to each other at the barbecues and kids’ birthday parties was enough of a clue. Robert carefully considered his next question.

“How bad was it?”

Joseph looked like he was thinking about how to answer, then grabbed a lime wedge and the salt shaker. He looked up at Robert and smiled sheepishly. It wasn’t enough to reabsorb the tears welling up in his eyes.

“How does it go again?” Joseph asked.

Robert eyed Joseph for a moment and grumbled, “Lick the back of your hand.”

Joseph did, tongue gliding wetly across his skin. Robert watched the motion intently, feeling the warmth of tequila and whiskey settling in his chest and lower belly.

“Salt it.”

Joseph obeyed, shaking salt onto his wet hand.

“Now lick the salt up, take the shot, and suck on a lime.”

Joseph didn’t hesitate a bit. He picked up the shot and followed Robert’s instructions, making a face at the sourness of the lime or the burn of the tequila, Robert didn’t know which.

“How many of those until I feel better?” Joseph asked, looking expectantly at Robert like he must know the answer.

“Alcohol isn’t meant to make you feel better about shit. It’s to help you forget shit.”

It turned out that there was a number of shots that made Joseph open up more, at least. That number was six. Robert promised himself not to pull any deep dark secrets out of a very drunk Joseph, but he couldn’t help it if Joseph offered them up without Robert prompting him to.

“She wants a divorce,” Joseph said, voice thick with emotion, his shoulder pressed against Robert’s. He had gradually slid more and more off of his chair as they drank and talked, half sitting on it and half relying on Robert to hold him up.

“Tell me if I’m going too far here, but doesn’t your Bible… uh, code? Code or whatever. Doesn’t that frown on divorce?” Robert asked.

Joseph laughed bitterly and tipped back some of his lukewarm beer. “I live my life according to God’s word every day. I gave up many things that made me happy to become a youth pastor. I made sacrifices each day, thinking that God would reward me with a healthy, happy family and a wife who would be my partner through thick and thin. Neither of those two things are true at this moment, so trust me when I say that God being disapproving of divorce is the least of my worries.”

“Sounds like you struck out on two of your three genie wishes.” Robert didn’t mean to sound like an insensitive ass, but he couldn’t help it. He imagined that drunk-Joseph wouldn’t take it too personal.

“In a way, yes. I guess I did.”

Over the next few hours, Joseph opened up to Robert like Robert was the priest and Joseph was the sinner at confession. It was surreal. Joseph had apparently confronted Mary at home about her shitty attitude towards him at a church event earlier in the day and the encounter escalated into a screaming match. Mary threw a wine glass at Joseph’s head, beaned him pretty good from what Robert could see of the bruise peaking out at Joseph’s hairline, and told him to leave for good.

The children were in the hallway listening in when it happened, which to Robert was the worst part. Joseph came around the corner to find them looking at him with tears in their eyes. Their creepy, soulless eyes, Robert thought, but that part wasn’t important. Children should never have to hear their parents shouting insults at each other.

It was close to two in the morning when Neil finally kicked them out. They stopped buying drinks an hour before that and they were the only people left in the bar, so Robert wasn’t surprised that they got the boot.

“Can you even walk on your own?” Robert asked Joseph as they stepped out of Jim and Kim’s.

Joseph nodded his head, which he looked like he immediately regretted. “Yeah, I’m great. Fine. Super. I’ll go home and sleep in the car.”

Robert watched as Joseph stumbled in the direction of the cul-de-sac, only able to make it a few feet before he tripped over his loafers and fell hard onto the asphalt. Perfect.

“It’s all over,” Joseph mumbled, staying on the ground.

“Come on, Abercrombie, let’s go,” Robert sighed, walking over to Joseph and putting his hands under Joseph’s armpits to help pull him to a sort of standing position. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as he should be at this time of night, and not even in the same galaxy as how drunk he would have to be to even consider offering Joseph a place to stay while things cooled off with Mary, but that’s exactly what his stupid brain decided he was going to do.

It took twenty minutes to walk the short distance to Robert’s house, thanks entirely to Joseph walking like a wasted frat girl and stopping every couple feet to comment on the world spinning. Joseph wasn’t as light or easy to maneuver as a frat girl. He was surprisingly solid underneath the stupid blue sweater and muscle was heavy, even heavier when you’re drunk and trying to haul it home with you.

They took an entire five minute break when Joseph put his mouth close to Robert’s ear, breath smelling like very bad decisions, and mumbled, “You’re so warm.” Robert had to give himself time to put the kibosh on half a boner before they could start moving again.

Robert had no idea how they finally managed to do it, but they reached his house and stopped at his front door.

“Joseph, can you stand on your own for ten seconds while I get my keys?” Robert asked. They were in the pocket of his jeans, on the side of him that Joseph was leaning against.

Joseph nodded and released Robert, putting his hands on the house to steady himself. Robert fumbled with his keys, but ultimately got the correct one in hand and unlocked the door.

To say that Robert’s house was a mess would be putting it lightly, which turned out to be a big problem when trying to maneuver through it in the dark with a drunk Bible thumper latched onto him. As they moved through the house, Robert remembered the biggest obstacle of all.

“Joseph.”

“Mm?”

“There’s… stairs,” Robert said, head starting to throb. “And you’re drunk and fucking heavy.”

The couch would be much more practical, but also so much more uncomfortable than his bed. He thought about just leaving Joseph on the couch and taking himself to bed, but Joseph looked so tormented and completely gone that Robert didn’t really want him to wake up on an unknown couch in an unknown house after a night he probably wouldn’t remember. Robert knew how that felt all too well.

Finding some last bit of strength, Robert pulled Joseph close to his side and carefully helped him walk up the stairs. It seemed like it took years instead of minutes, but they finally conquered the last step and stumbled into the bedroom.

At that point, Robert had enough of carrying Joseph and just sort of leaned him back until he fell ungracefully onto the bed. He landed with his head mostly on a pillow, so Robert considered it a success.

“Your bed?” Joseph slurred, not opening his eyes.

“Yeah, my bed. And you’ve got your shoes on still.”

There was no response, so Robert took the liberty of pulling off Joseph’s loafers one after the other and throwing them to land only God knows where. He reached for the button and zipper of Joseph’s stupid khakis, intending to pull them off in one go like a tablecloth from under dishes, but a warm hand stopped him.

In the dark, he could see that Joseph’s eyes were half open and he was propped up on one elbow. He didn’t look offended or scared, just strangely intense. Were his eyes always that dark? Robert wondered. The silence stretched between them, filled with unspoken things that Robert wasn’t expecting.

“You want to sleep with your pants on?” Robert asked bluntly, not moving his hand or breaking eye contact. He wasn’t really in the mood to have the ‘I don’t fuck people that are too wasted to walk five feet alone’ talk and he definitely wasn’t in the mood to have it with a married man at whatever o’clock, but he would do whatever it took to get into bed at that point.

Whatever was possessing Joseph seemed to leave him, because he shook his head once and laid back onto the bed. Robert took that as Joseph’s consent and he made quick work of the khaki pants, leaving those at the foot of the bed.

“You’re a briefs guy. I should’ve guessed.”

Joseph snored softly in response.

Robert took this opportunity to strip off his jeans and crawl into bed, made it to where his head would hit the pillow, and flopped onto his stomach. There were so many fucked up things with sleeping in the same bed as a married Christian dad whose wife was batshit crazy, but he was suddenly too tired to care. He fell asleep within seconds.

At some point during the night or the early morning, Robert briefly woke when he felt something warm pressing against the length of his side. Judging from the smell of Light Blue and very bad decisions, his sleep-addled brain told him it was Joseph.

As he thought about it for another few moments, Robert realized it was definitely Joseph. Joseph had shifted over towards Robert’s side of the bed and his back was facing Robert, but something seemed off.

“I don’t… want… I don’t want to…”

Great, he was a sleep talker. Robert rubbed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but Joseph mumbled again and his back twitched.

“Please… I love… I love her, don’t…”

Robert tried to remember where he kept the earplugs, if he even had any.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think about it before Joseph’s entire body spasmed and he started shaking.

“You don’t have a choice.”

Robert froze up and waited for Joseph to say something else. There was nothing else for a while except Joseph’s labored breathing and a ticking clock somewhere that Robert was going to throw away as soon as possible.

Joseph started to shake again, but Robert knew that this was different than whatever night terrors he had been experiencing. These were sobs wracking his body, accompanied by soft, stifled crying.

Robert didn’t need much more coaxing than that to turn onto his side, facing Joseph’s back. He wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed his lips to the back of Joseph’s neck, shushing him for a long time until the crying finally stopped, his breathing evening out and his body going lax in Robert’s hold.

When he was satisfied that Joseph had fallen back asleep, Robert thought about pulling away and turning over, but decided not to. There wasn’t any harm in spooning a married Christian dad with a batshit crazy wife, he supposed, even if Joseph said some scary shit in his sleep. Whatever demons haunted Joseph, Robert knew he couldn’t chase them away entirely, but hopefully he could keep them away until the morning.

Feeling completely exhausted and ready to sleep for a week, Robert pushed his nose into the hair at the nape of Joseph’s neck and fell asleep.

#dream daddy #dream daddy fanfic #joseph/robert

[maren-as-an-adult]

I Severely Underestimated the Lack of Time and Energy This Job Would Allow Me

So my plan of posting a weekly-ish update about this job severely backfired on me, because HOLY SHIT DO THEY KEEP US BUSY! This is legitimately a full-time job, we should all get a raise, but because the Man hates the Arts we probably won’t ever at all and counselors are people who do the most but get the least, goddammit. SO! The week started off where I was a scared beanpole of a girl super intimidated by all of the nearly 300 children that would be staying with us for the next 3 weeks. I had no idea how I would run my classes, I had no idea what I’d be doing for my show, I had no idea if I would make friends, and I had no idea if I’d be able to handle the six girls I’d be in charge of on my floor. 

Three weeks later, I was so emotionally compromised when they left and I realized I wouldn’t see them for another year... unless I don’t come back next year in which case I’ll probably never see them again. WHICH IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HAVE HAPPEN!

Basically, here’s the breakdown:

CLASSES

I taught three dance classes: beginner jazz, intermediate ballet, and advanced modern. I only had four in my modern class, and I grew to love each of them so much. They were so receptive and willing to perform their best, and they all said they really admired me. Modern also was set to perform in the class showcase, and they were able to beautifully perform the choreography I gave them.... although I didn’t actually get to see their performance, the class showcase was on my day off, and on that day I went into the city for a date with The Boyfriend. That was a fun day, but back to camp for now. 

THE SHOW

The show I worked on was Stephen Sondheim’s Follies. And WOW was our director intense. We were flying through the show which was to be expected because we only had two and a half weeks to have it blocked, cued, choreographed, and memorized and even though I’m good at picking up and learning choreography, I was struggling myself to keep up. 

This was especially nerve wracking for me, as the cast would frequently come up to me and ask me for clarification on what we just learned. Because it’s not considered professional to say, “Sorry, dude, I know about as much as you do right now, so I guess you’re fucked,” I struggled to help them as best I could. 

I’d feel so useless, incompetent, and foolish when I couldn’t help them, and there were days I was definitely overwhelmed. I was also super lost on several of the group dances, because I’d been gone for a weekend up in Albany for my grandfather’s funeral which was a fucking blast there was a rainbow and everything. 

There was this one girl in my cast who was, in a bit of a word, super high-strung about everything. She wanted to be perfect in the show for all the wrong reasons (I won’t get into it much, but basically she felt she needed to be perfect to prove to other people outside of this particular production that she deserved better treatment from them) and was constantly oscillating between doubting herself (because even though she’s clearly talented, that knowledge isn’t enough when another cast member gets applause after her numbers in rehearsal and she doesn’t) and taking it upon herself to correct others and give them notes. She wasn’t a nightmare to work with, but I’m glad she’s not in the production I’m working on for Session 2 (she was one of the few stay-over kids we had who stay for two sessions instead of just one)

There were some great and memorable times during rehearsals, though. One of our leading men during dress rehearsal got a costume ring stuck on his finger and had to be taken to urgent care to get it cut off. Before that, though, I took him over to our nurses to see if we could get it off there. When lotion, an old ring cutter, an ice pack, and dental floss did not work, that’s when we put his fate into the hands of the professionals. 

There was also the time a rumor may have started that the director and I were sleeping together, which is hilarious because he and I both have boyfriends. 

THE GIRLS

So last session I was assigned a room of six girls to look after: wake them up, make sure they’re on the floor by curfew, make sure they’re in their rooms at 10:30, take away their phones for the night, and make sure their lights are out by 11pm. If they’re having problems or want to talk to someone, they should come to me. They were all between the ages of 14 and 16, which in my experience can make for some fairly catty attitudes. 

I did not realize how sad I would be when most of them left (one of my girls is a stay-over, yay!)

They all gave me huge hugs before they left, and asked if I would come back again next summer. I told them that unless Stagedoor decided not to re-hire me, there was no way I wasn’t coming back. 

They would open up to me, confide in me, and told me how much they loved me. 

I’m 99.99% certain it was all genuine and not just flattery so I’d be lenient with them. 

But I do miss them, and I hope I get to see them again. 

PRODUCTION WEEKEND

During this week, my birthday happened and I turned 24. My roommates decorated our door, I got a cake at lunch, was sung to twice, and received over a hundred “Happy Birthday” messages in various electronic form: Facebook, text, voicemail, Snapchat, etc. But the top three moments of the day were:

- A voicemail from The Boyfriend, officially being the first person to wish me a Happy Birthday

- A card from one of the director-choreographers, and head of the dance department (who has worked at Stagedoor for 25 years and everyone loves)

- A card from my family with a very generous gift cart to purchase show tickets (which I now have thanks to The Boyfriend!!!!)

But apart from that there was nothing particularly special about the day. My girls kept wishing me a Happy Birthday each time they saw me, though, so that was nice. 

One good thing about production week is you get real good at pin curling and iron curling hair. I had so many flashbacks to my high school theatre days when the crowds formed around a handful of curling irons all plugged into one communal power strip and a box of approximately 8,000 hairpins was constantly floating around. But at my high school, it was just one show with about 40 kids getting ready. Imagine almost 200 girls needing their hair pin-curled for wigs by counselors (because apparently none of them knew how to do it?) on a super strict schedule that didn’t give them much time, coupled with the fact that everyone needed to get makeup done and costumes on an hour before the shows opened. 

And on top of all this, there was some weird plague going around. Campers and counselors alike were dropping like flies and succumbing to this illness, and if it wasn’t that illness it was strep throat. The hectic and stressful environment coupled with the fact that parents were coming to visit had staff near the breaking point, and the only thing we wanted was 24 hours of quiet solitude. 

That was a little more than a pipe dream, though. 

I myself almost caught this mysterious flu-like death virus going around. Our music director for Follies caught it, and was struggling to stay alert and conscious during our dress rehearsal, our stage manager caught it and was promptly sent to bed to try and sleep it off. That night I remember a rather large headache and a weird pre-nausea feeling in my stomach, along with a general full-body ache, and I just remember thinking, “Please God don’t let me have this.” I made sure to go right to bed that night after our end-of-the-day meeting, and woke up feeling fine. I’d already gone through some pretty shitty allergy sickness at the start of the session, and I didn’t want to start and end session 1 sick. 

Thankfully, though, our music director and stage manager were back in action the next day for opening show, and the shows were flawless. I’ve never been so proud of a group before, because they did one of the most challenging things I could have imagined. 

But the day had to come where they packed up their stuff and drove home with their families. It was sad to see them go, especially after bonding so strongly with some of them. And there was no time to feel sad, really. As soon as a room was empty, counselors and cleaning staff would immediately start cleaning the rooms and prepping them for the next batch of kids to come in. 

And now they’re here. I have two rooms this session, and on night one of session two my first room (which has my stay-over girl in it) managed to break a bulb on a string of lights and get glass over the floor. My group leader had forewarned me that they could be rowdy and quite a handful, but I was hoping they’d give it a few days before breaking something. So I knew I had to do something to prevent excessive rowdiness ASAP. 

That night, after cleaning up the shards of glass/plastic, I gave them a quick speech about how busy it was for counselors: not only did we look after a room full of girls (and in my and other counselors’ cases, sometimes multiple rooms), but we also had classes to prep for and teach, and shows to either manage or choreograph. I asked them to help make the counselors’ jobs a little bit easier by being smart, conscientious, and mature. That seemed to get through to them, because thus far I haven’t had any trouble from them. 

And it’s now been a few days into session 2. I’m teaching intermediate tap, intermediate modern, and musical theatre. The class structures could not be more different for me this time. Musical theatre thus far doesn’t have a set class structure, what I’ve kind of cobbled together as a lesson plan has been: work on one piece for the showcase, and throw potential audition combinations at them to train them to pick up choreography quickly. Tap is basically a warm-up of basic moves, and then the rest of the class is spend working on moves they want to learn. Modern still holds some semblance of structure, though, but it’s my largest class and the students take up all the floor space, so it’s harder to really see everyone and make sure they’re getting the combinations I give them. 

I was super excited when I heard about the shows for this session, but the two that I really wanted to work on were choreographer shows, and didn’t require an assistant choreographer (A.C.’s only work on shows with director-choreographers). They were Evil Dead - The High School Version and Guys and Dolls. But I’m still excited about the show I’m working on: Me and My Girl. It’s kind of like My Fair Lady and Half A Sixpence. My director-choreographer is this really great lady who is super organized with everything, so with the way she has things planned and mapped out, we should have the show ready for full runs in less than two weeks. 

Today was my first day off for this session, and it was pretty amazing. I slept in, treated myself to some nice makeup, went out for pizza with my friend Anna, and got some counselor work done. Next week I get to see two of my favorite people in the world and a Broadway show (I’m seeing Kinky Boots starring Brendon Urie with The Boyfriend). I still need to figure how I’m getting to the bus station but that’s a problem for tomorrow or the next day. 

So, weekly updates won’t be a thing, but I can try to do session recaps. That’s what I’m aiming for at this point. 

And now, on to session 2!