#but i feel so powerless and i hate it

[natsumiikan]

y'all is it unwise to make a formal complaint abt the provost's husband (my awful prof)?

#☁️🌕☁️ #HELP please i need advice #i literally have an email drafted and ready to send but i just learned that his wife's like one of the big dogs at this uni #and now like... am i dealing with a connecticut clark and malfina situation?? can they kick me out or like unfairly target me for this??? #but i feel so powerless and i hate it #like he's literally not following through on any of his responsibilities as a prof and everyone is struggling bc of it #and this feels like a reportable issue? but i don't wanna get flamed for it 😭 #but does change ever happen if people cower in fear? but ALSO i wanna go to med school and need a clean record for that shit 💀 #rant over but if anyone has advice please help 😭😭

[whentherewerebicycles]

ugh I am really struggling with a thing with a former student/mentee of mine. in the week or two of the post-hamas attack aftermath I posted something on instagram that was basically like, i feel an obligation to be an informed global citizen and believe me I read/think about/despair over the news every day but I also think it’s ok to really viscerally hate “doing politics” on social media, where complex, centuries-old geopolitical and cultural conflicts get reduced to a sensationalized infographic some teenager designed on canva last night. at the time I was watching people spread rampant misinformation about the hospital explosion when we had zero conclusive information, and had also just heard jon favreau talking about research indicating that something like 80% of the images and videos people were sharing on social media weren’t actually FROM the current conflict or couldn’t be verified as real. and idk I also have some private thoughts about how american leftists in particular really glom onto this issue because we perceive israelis as ‘white people’ and palestinians as people of color and we get to feel like we are exorcising our own country’s racial demons by advocating for the expulsion of the israeli people from land that many of them actually have deep historical ties to and at least a semi-legitimate cultural and religious claim to inhabiting.

to be clear I think the current israeli government is pretty much your trump-inspired shitty/evil right-wing militaristic populist movement and I feel like their response has squandered every single ounce of empathy garnered by the hamas attacks!! but idk I guess what I want to carve out space for is like, the right to say I AM NOT AN EXPERT HERE. I DO NOT HAVE DEEP ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ROOTS OF THIS CONFLICT. I WORRY ABOUT SPREADING DANGEROUS MISINFORMATION IN BOTH DIRECTIONS IF I SHARE UNVERIFIED SOURCES OR REDUCTIVE TAKES. ALSO I AM A PRIVATE CITIZEN AND I DO NOT HAVE A “PLATFORM” JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT. I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE CONFUSED, TO NOT PASS SNAP JUDGMENTS ON RAPIDLY EVOLVING INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS, AND TO ENGAGE IN POLITICS BY MEANS OTHER THAN SOCIAL MEDIA POSTING. but idk this former student, who I had a really good relationship with for many years, has just come after me in my DMs and keeps sending me posts implying that anyone who is not furiously posting right now is pro-Palestinian genocide, etc etc, and meanwhile she is posting hundreds of unverified stories a day from Arabic-language sources that aren’t just like, anti-Zionist but are actively pro-Hamas, actively denying that the attacks on Israel happened, and actively calling for the immediate and violent expulsion of all Jews from the area. dude idk she’s not my student anymore so I think I’m just going to disengage/not respond and continue staying off insta because it sucks out there!! but it sucks!

I also just refuse to experience a war via unfiltered social media posts again. I did that for a month or two at the start of the ukraine invasion and I can’t unsee some of the stuff I saw on telegram. I don’t actually think any of us have a moral obligation to watch or share a 24/7 feed of graphic images of maimed corpses and crying children. I can’t make the violence STOP by watching that content and I also don’t believe that ravenously consuming the most terrible moments of people’s lives is a form of meaningful political solidarity. WHATEVER as you can see I still feel super conflicted about how to feel about all of this but I also have to remind myself that IT’S NOT NORMAL to click through my stories or scroll down my feed alternating between liking people’s cat photos and watching people dying half a world away. we were NOT BUILT to process world-historical events this way and it is OKAY to opt out of watching a livestream of human suffering you are personally powerless to do anything about.

#I think it is fine to post a lot about an issue you are passionate about! she is clearly passionate about this! #but I hate that the active-posting crowd often acts like people who don’t do exactly the same thing are evil complicit or indifferent #I am so distressed about the state of the world right now!!!! #but I just don’t want to do politics like that it makes me feel so much worse and often makes me feel more powerless

[todayisafridaynight]

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza series #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #masumi arakawa #snap sketches #ive decided captions are for squares and ill just keep the tag rambles LOL #anyway. the tags are just for bitching dont look. i hate being at my moms this sucks its so cold and i always feel powerless here #yk how i said i wanted to work on comm stuff yesterday yeah I Couldnt. not as much as i wanted to anyway #it was too cold to focus and im always apprehensive here god i forgot how much i hate this place #wanted to TRY and force something today so i could pick up from yesterday but even just doing this felt draining #i actually wanted to do a cute arasawa comic but. i repeat moving sucks LOL #anyway. complaining aside let me explain the bling #cause i wear this watch and this bracelet. all the time LOL #unfortunately the watch is from my mom but the bracelet's from my dad. of course #unfortunately i do love watches so ill cope #this is also to continue my Arakawa Should Be Da|go's Fourth Dad propaganda. cross accessories :) #anyways speak of the devil (my mother) my brother just came in to deliver a message from The Devil and put me in a worse mood #everything sucks i cant wait fr tomorrow so i can leave LOL #i was only gone for a month and everything got worse while i was gone because my mom sucks ANYWAY. #sorry i had to use this cute pic of arakawa to vent but god. god i hate it here im miserable LOL #anyway since i cant draw that comic anytime soon i might just try to squeeze a fic out of it #ill have to steal from that alcohol comic i did but it's fine. ok bye. might go get soju later. and chicken... #genuinely the only good place around here since they closed my fave hibachi place #'snap i thought you were trying to stop drinking' so did i then i came back here ☠️☠️not even a restaurant it a gas/liquor station #my dad gave me grocery money i think im allowed a lil treat... ok im goin fr now LMAO BYE

[tswwwit]

Did Bill not come to terms with his feelings for Dipper until he was forced to in Confessing It, or was it earlier in the series (even if he would never admit it)? Sorry if this is sorta implied, I’m not amazing with subtext. Rereading atm and I was curious lol

Actually, Bill (sort of) came to terms with having fallen for Dipper well before Dipper got his feelings sorted.

It's in Faking It chapter 15:

[Bill] glances up at Dipper. “You…. are the single worst thing that has ever happened to me. And I don’t say that lightly, you got no idea how old I am."

#answers #Bill still had a lot of struggling to do after that #But if you're looking for him accepting his feelings *this* was the moment #When Bill realized he'd fallen pretty far even though he couldn't make himself say or think the proper word yet #His thoughts on the matter are addressed in more detail in Chapter 9 of Hating It #Dipper liked Bill. Even when he was trapped and nearly powerless and in a shitty situation - Dip *still* respected and lusted after him #Not after position or power or wanting him to be different. Even knowing he wasn't remotely human!! He just wanted *Bill*. #And it goes BOTH ways #Dipper was most of the way there too but also trying REALLY HARD not to care about a demon at that point #Then a minute or so later Bill's cheering up attempt did the rest of the work #Dipper had stayed so strong. Fighting against this horrible yet compelling demonic force. No feelings here no sir it's a bad idea #And in the one moment he got weak. When he teared up. Bill got awkward and tried to perk *him* up #Both hilarious and relatable AND a moment where Dipper realized Bill actually in his own way cared about him #These idiots were never going to be able to resist someone who could see them at a truly low point and like them anyway #Confessing It is basically: Them Trying To Actually Talk: The Fic #They both already knew how the other felt #But actually Communicating about it like a functional couple was hard #All the very kinky smuts are canon btw #I like my absurd smut to have character development #And believe it or not #Amazingly they communicate well when both of them have the same fun goal in mind

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

I don’t like when a book is trying to do an enemies to friends and/or lovers storyline and then rushes it. Like, I’m reading one rn where the two characters start making up and making friends by chapter 6. Draw it out some more yknow! Make us wonder what could possibly make these two characters ever like each other! Have one try to kill the other! Really sell the enemies part and make it realistic not just done and over with the second you wanna move on from it that’s not how it works

#I like how the folk of the air trilogy (by holly black) did it #bcus Jude’s reason for hating Cardan was her powerlessness and she got power and grew to like him over time #and Cardan hates Jude bcus he was massively into her and felt conflicted abt it and also was jealous of her family life #and then they make out #I’m reading a deadly education by naomi novik n I’m so sorry ms novik it’s just exceedingly mid #in my opinion at least I just really dislike it and I don’t plan on reading the sequel I don’t care abt these characters #and I have ways that u could get the same effect but do it differently to be better #like why emphasize the danger of the scholomance At All if Galadriel is already mega competent at surviving in there . I feel 0 stakes

[mcdolann]

pretty sure i’m manic rn fuck sake

#spending a lot of money pretty recklessly (but I want stuff :’(() #and very very jittery and feel like i have lots of energy #and have been having trouble getting to sleep the past couple days which is usually never an issue for me #i took half of my antipsychotic to see if it would help me calm down #but ugh i fucking hate it #especially bc i’m so aware of what’s happening but powerless to stop it #just gonna do my best to help myself calm down #and hope it goes away #bipolar tings #mine

[lalala-mirage]

yeah?

#face the thing but look away #awkwardly looking away to the side #or looking outside window; with a frown #i feel the tired; powerlessness; the feeling of having given up; futility #i obsess over “unchanging” because i hate it so much because i fear it so much #bane of my existence bane of who i am bane of what i am capable of #i cant change the unchanging i cant convince the unconvinceable and i #i really want to “give up”; but nonetheless i still refuse it #i guess it is also a face of silent refusal #refusal that they are unchanging; refusal that what im doing isn't working #refusal of the current situation #well - what can i even do #idk i just wanted to push the limits of tumblr tags how long can i make this #how many tags can i put in here like wtf

[jentlemahae]

-

#it feels like my heart is so heavy right now i cant stop thinking about the atrocious situation in palestine and i feel sad but i feel even #sadder bcs i feel utterly powerless and that makes me feel guilty and even more sad bcs there’s people who are actually going through those #horrors everyday and it’s just . unbearable sadness #i cannot comprehend having so much hate in you to do something so heinous to another human being but i also cannot even fathom ppl turning a #blind eye and taking a nonchalant stance like how horrible of a person must you be #i genuinely hope everyone in i/rael dies . minus the children bcs they didnt choose to be there #everyone else should drop dead tho (and preferably suffer in the process) #i started praying again before bedtime bcs at least that makes me feel somewhat useful #i know God is seeing this and will punish all those people

[cosmojjong]

.

#gonna dump some thoughts here because idk where else to go #but it feels like i have come to a point where life feels really tough to live again #i have cried so much and so hard lately i cry until my chest hurts and i can't breathe #and the next i am supposed to act like i have it all together #but nothing in my life makes sense and it feels like it's a constant battle #i am constantly trying to find the light that i have lost sometime growing up #i can't stand how painful it is to watch my life go by and feeling powerless because i can't change it #i don't even know where i am going with this but i am in so much emotional pain thinking of how useless i feel #i watch others around me carry on with their lives and be able to do all these nice things #and i can't even finish the stupidest tasks #i wouldn't feel like this if it was just one part of my life #but i feel unfulfilled and unhappy with many aspects of it #it feels like nothing is going well at all i am going insane trying not to fall apart completely #it feels like i can't ever be happy like something is always going against me #and i wonder why i even deserve to feel this way #nothing excites me anymore nothing is giving me the slightest bit of happiness #i feel like such a pathetic joke god #i can't even afford therapy anymore i am screwed basically #i hate it all so much i am so done with it

[seariii]

I HATE EVERYTHING WHY WAS HER TL LIKE THAT I HATE THIS SO MUCH I SWEAR IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO MY SON IM KILLING EVERYONE AND THEN MYSELF THIS ISNT FUNNY ANYMORE IT NEVER WAS

#omfg im sick dude i cant deal with this i think my nervous gastritis is acting up BECAUSE OF FUCKING MILGRAM #now thats something i wasnt expecting but with Haruka having to deal with suicide themes yeah makes sense #damn dude... i was thinking maybe it wouldn't really happen but it definitely is... #if haruka dies im actually gonna cry and be heartbroken. that teen is my son... fuck im worried and i feel so powerless OVER A FICTIONAL #CHARACTER! FUCK!!! I KNOW I LOVE WHEN CHARACTERS ARE FICTIONAL AND FEELINGS ARE REAL BUT I HATE WHEN THEY ARE NEGATIVE FEELINGS #I AM IN SO MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN RIGHT NOW #LE VOY A HACER TRIBUTO AL TITULO DE MI BLOG Y ME VOY A VOMITAR #< not really but yeah #ay no.... dareka fucking tasukete #i am filled with so much rage right now that next milgram season you will see me in the cast #SOMEONE DO FUCKING SOMETHING #WHY DID YOU GUYS VOTE HARUKA GUILTY?! FUCK! I MEAN THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAYS BECAUSE OF MUU #FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK #this is one of those scenarios where i get the zoomies but this was in a slash neg way #well... more like in a slash emotional distress way #FUUUUUUUCK #vent

[undefeatednils]

Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void

...

#nils talking #feeling very tired after this week #the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in #I'm just drained #tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood #but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days #bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water #I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over #too many variables too much that still needs to happen first #but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic #connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments #or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal #at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations #anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me #I don't wish to fade away into the background #I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly #to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party #or who was just a random fellow student or coworker #I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy #sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation #also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school #it's a mostly depressing affair

[isfjmel-phleg]

(

#random personal stuff #I'm running out of stuff to do working at home this afternoon #and decided to clean out some old emails #ventured into the folder where I keep emails from That Man #(I hate these emails so much but they're necessary to keep as evidence of his nonsense) #and I felt nothing but a massive sense of eyeroll #stupid small man with nothing but endless empty big words meant to confuse and manipulate #not anymore - I can see straight through the zigzagging flattery and belittlement now #I don't feel afraid or ashamed anymore #I don't feel powerless - quite the contrary #so it's progress

[parrrty-poison]

i'm just so tired of never having a say in things pertaining my own life

#i hate feeling so powerless #always waiting for the other shoe to drop #and drop it did #moving here was the one thing i did for myself because i could #because i finally could decide for myself #because neither the government nor my parents could do shit about it #my whole life has been dictated by other people #i moved to this apartment all on my own #and now having it taken away from me #being forced to move feels like a slap on the face #like no you're not allowed to have anything for yourself #i know this place has a lot of issues and my commute is ass #but it has a lot of good things too #and it was *mine* #god i miss my roommate i feel so lonely without her #like i have no one to talk to #this is all making me realize i have very few friends also

[girlwithfish]

reliving my trauma tonight cool

#like that powerless fearful feeling i hate it so much lol #being terrified of being around my ex bc it felt like a bomb could go off and wed start arguing if i opposed him in any way and then fight #leads to violence #i took a nap in my car once for hours after therapy bc i didnt want to go home to him lol

[oberon-king-of-the-cherries]

Man, Chloe has been having such bizarre bathroom habits this year and it’s really frustrating to have no answers.

The vet no longer things she’s been having utis, and it’s actually cystitis. She’s been prescribed anti-inflammatory/pain relief and a special dietary food. She seemed to be doing okay since, until today, when she had a 15 minute episode in the bathroom. Pooped outside the box, got in it and peed a tiny amount, then got out and pooped outside the box again, all the while meowing in distress and scratching the rug and subsequent puppy pad I put down. It’s really awful to hear her in such pain.

#there hasn’t been any disruption or stress in her daily life #in fact the pain medicine would be the only stressful disruption because she hates it #i feel so powerless to help her. which is pretty in line with EVERYTHING about her #her vet admitted last time that she’s an enigma and presents everything atypically while also having a fucked up immune system #I’m trying to look it up online and I’m just finding articles for behavioral problems that are unrelated #and now she’s meowing again at the bathroom I want to scream #not fish #sick pet #catblr

[krispiecake]

hm. so i’m not going to be a teacher.

#ik the guidance is not technically out until march but… there is no fucking way i’m gonna be a part of that shit #and theyre asking for parent teacher and school leader comments/views (though pointedly NOT asking young people and trans people) so there #is technically room for change but realistically there just won’t be #i feel fucking nauseous #even just thinking about the risks to myself like there are gonna be no protections for me as a teacher under the trans umbrella #and i could never follow them anyway #fuck the tories hateful disgusting and pathetic people #so many kids are gonna die i feel like im already grieving. #they want to ban social transition for under 18s completely #I already nearly died so many fucking times in my teenage years #and if i was denied the right to my name my pronouns binders haircuts and just acceptance in general #i wouldnt have made it past 14 for certain. #at fucking christmas too.. #i feel so fucking powerless