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#but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place
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“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real
#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re#feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so#many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit#but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place#plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey#breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital#and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag#but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit#im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel#heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy#vent tw#im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and#sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept#out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any#only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time#im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it
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eberles · 4 years
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Million Reasons
Tyler Seguin
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Request: OK I GOT IT I GOT THE SONG IM READY FOR THE ANGST AND FLUFF AND YES *clears throat* Million Reasons by lady Gaga with Seggy 🥺
A/N: umm this is pretty sad ngl, you can blame katie tho for requesting it!! i hope you guys like angst, there is a lil fluffy tho! :) this is based of Million Reasons by Lady Gaga, feel free to listen while you read. i love feedback, so tell me what you think! :)
Warnings: angst, mentions of toxic relationship 
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I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby, I just need one good one to stay...
“Tyler, where are you? Call me back, you’re late...Again.” That was your 5th time calling Tyler in the last hour. He promised he would be home early today so he could have dinner with your parents. It would’ve been fine if he missed it, except your parents are hardly ever in town and they wanted to see you and Tyler together since they never got the opportunity. This was important to you and he knew that. After another hour of waiting at home for him, you decided you weren’t going to be late to meet your parents at the restaurant. 
“Hi guy, I missed you!” you greeted your parents, walking into the restaurant and seeing they already had a table. They stood up so you could give hugs and you were hoping they wouldn’t bring up that Tyler wasn’t with you. But you weren’t that lucky.
“Where is Tyler? Wasn’t he supposed to be with you?” you asked, looking behind you when she pulled away from your hug, sitting down when she didn’t see him. 
“Yes, i’m sorry, he wanted to be here, but he got caught up with work stuff.” you lied, feeling guilty. This wasn’t the first time he’s missed dinner with your parents and you hated lying to them about it, but you couldn’t bear the thought of them having any negative thoughts on Tyler. You parents nodded, and you weren’t sure they entirely believed you this time. 
Dinner went well and you made more plans with your parents to show them some famous Dallas sights tomorrow. By the time you got home you were exhausted, wanting to just curl up in bed and sleep. However, when you walked into your house, you were met with Tyler sitting in the living room watching tv. 
“Hey babe.” Tyler looked away from the tv quickly, to greet you as you walked in the door, missing the shocked expression you had on your face.
“Did you not get my 5 missed calls earlier or did you just not care?” you asked, your tone of voice giving away how frustrated you were with your boyfriend. 
“Ugh. Can we not do this right now? I’m tired and I just wanted one day where I didn't have to answer to you.” Tyler shook his head as he spoke and he could tell he was snippy. Although, you weren't sure what he had to be upset about. 
“Are you kidding me? We had plans with my parents tonight! You completely blew me off, do you know how embarrassing that is?” He hasn’t removed his gaze from the tv in front of him so you marched over and stood in between the tv and him, waving your arms around waiting for an answer.
“Oh shit. I’m sorry, I forgot.” Tyler shrugged, not even pretending to care. If you weren’t so tired from the day you had, you could’ve argued with you more, but at this point it didn’t seem worth it. Scoffing, you walked away, going up to your bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind you, not wanting to spend the night in the same bed with him. 
When you woke up the next morning, you were surprised to open your bedroom door to see Tyler sleeping on the floor outside of it. Your heart leaped at the thought he might’ve cared enough to see if you were okay last night. 
“Tyler, babe, wake up.” you said gently, leaning down next to him to rub his shoulder, hoping to wake him up without scaring him. 
“Y/N, i’m sorry about last night! I’m an ass, I know that. I shouldn’t have forgotten about dinner and I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat when you said you tried to call me.” you helped Tyler up from the ground and he wrapped his arms around you, giving you a tight hug. You let him hug you, resting your face in his neck, breathing in his scent, missing him being close to you. “I’m gonna make it up to you today, we can do whatever you want, okay?”
“I’m supposed to show my parents around Dallas today, but i’m sure they would love it if you joined in.” you said excitedly, hoping to show your parents that Tyler truly does care. 
“I would love that, baby.” Tyler’s words were genuine and you kissed him before pulling him down to the kitchen to make you breakfast. 
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away…
“Tyler? Are you even listening?” you were growing impatient after putting together a nice dinner for the two of you and your boyfriend of two years couldn't even bother to pick his head up from his phone. You were supposed to be celebrating your anniversary tonight and originally Tyler told you he would take you to the new Italian place that opened up downtown. Unfortunately, this morning Tyler told you something came up and he would have to cancel your reservations, so you offered to cook at home instead for a later dinner. 
“Yea I heard you, babe.” Tyler finally spoke up, not looking up from his phone that had been dinging constantly since he got hime half an hour ago. You stood up grabbing your half eaten plate along with his and started cleaning up the dinner. Tyler picked up his head, feeling your presence moving around, “I wasn’t done.”
“Well, I am.” you mumbled, putting his plate back in front of him, “Happy anniversary.” you mumbled, rolling your eyes, walking out of the dining room and into your shared bedroom for the night. 
But baby, I just need one good one to stay…
It’s been three weeks since Tyler has left for a few string of games out of state and he was finally coming home. You were missing him a lot this trip and he called you everyday to check in. It felt like things were going back to how they used to be and you couldn’t be more happy. Your boss told you to leave work early today since there wasn’t much left to do, so that’s exactly what you did. You got home, opening the door, frowning when you weren’t greeted by the dogs, like you usually were. Walking further into the house, you noticed some candles lit around your apartment accompanied by flower petals, you were confused until you saw him come into view.
“Surprise, baby.” Tyler smirked, watching you look around the room, clearly confused by him being home a day early. 
“What are you doing here?” you cried out, walking closer to Tyler letting him take you into his arms, letting you finally relax your shoulders, immediately feeling comfort in his embrace. 
“I missed you too much to wait until tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead, and you pulled away to kiss him properly. You looked around the room again, feeling your eyes welling up with tears in awe at how thoughtful he really could be. He cares.
I bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better...
It started out good, amazing even. The first year of your relationship was amazing, you couldn’t recall one fight or bad memory you had with Tyler within the first year of your relationship. Unfortunately, it went downhill after that. Starting with small stuff like missing out on important dinners with your family and progressing to missed birthdays and anniversaries. Let’s not forget the attachment he has to his phone, of course everyone is a little attached, but Tyler was different. You couldn’t help but notice how it was always going off or how he moved into different rooms to answer phone calls. You were exhausted and always giving him the benefit of the doubt. Always defending him. Always making the same excuses for him. Always lying for him. 
You’ve battled with your friends and family about how Tyler was worth staying for. They all hoped one day you would realize what was right in front of you and do something about it. But you knew deep down. You convinced yourself the one reason was always enough compared to the millions reasons, you never let yourself admit how wrong it was. It was toxic, you knew it, hell even he knew it. 
He told you how much he cared and loved you, but even if he did mean those words or anything he told you. It was always going to be hard to fathom which parts you could even believe. Tyler gave you about a million reasons to leave him. But he always gave you one reason to stay.  
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tagging some hockey peeps: @fav-imagines @stargazingstarkey @jmaybanks @brock-mcginny @bookoftenderthoughts @stfukie​
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hitchell-mope · 5 years
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(Third film. After “who we are”. Part two)
(Jay’s about to leave with Matty but Carlos pulls him aside)
Carlos: good morning
Jay (smirking): good morning
(They almost kiss but Matty distracts them)
Matty (disgusted): BLEAURGH
Ben (sensing trouble): do we have a problem here?
Matty: they’re both so old
Carlos (offended): I’m only eight years older then you, you little twerp
Matty: Still
Mal: you know what! Doug. Doug can take you to your room. Could you please take him to his room Doug ol buddy ol pal of mine. Please?
Doug (thoroughly enjoying the verbal sparring match): sure. I have experience dealing with monetarily obsessed children. C’mon kid
(They leave. Ben turns to Mal)
Ben: that. was
Mal: exhausting
Ben: but worth it
Mal: ahem if you say so.
Ben: hey bud. The elderly need to have a talk. Do you mind taking an early lunch?
Carlos (knowing full well what Ben is planning on doing): So jay, is the brunch table still open
Jay: why yes. Yes it is
(The disappear in a puff of gold smoke)
Ben (offering Mal his hand): c’mon. I wanna show you something
Mal (taking his hand, intrigued): oh really
(Elsewhere)
Celia: So this is gonna be our room?
Dizzy: for tonight. Tomorrow we’ll be at mom and dads starter castle.
Celia: for how long?
Evie: the entire summer. But, but, if you prefer. Tiana and Naveen or mama Odie have rooms ready at their homes.
Celia: hmmmmm. How long is this summer?
Evie: ...twelve weeks. Three months
Celia: you’ll do. For now
(She smiles mischievously. Dizzy crows with delight and immediately starts showing her the amenities Auradon has to offer)
Celia: Dizz, Dizzy, Dizzy. It’s ok. I think I’m gonna like it here.
(This is when “I think I’m gonna like it here” happens. At the end of which Celia bumps into a pink clad figure)
Celia: hey watch it
Audrey: I am so sorry I heard you guys
Evie: eavesdropping? I thought you’d learned your lesson by now
Audrey (face set in a kind smile but scared stiff): the halls are echoey
Evie: sure(.) Celia, this is the kings ex girlfriend
Celia: you’re that bitch that insulted Evie when she first came here
Audrey (looking terrified): mhmm
Celia: So what do you do now you’re not gonna be queen anymore
Audrey: I am in summer school because I took an impromptu spa vacation last semester during term time
Celia: why?
Dizzy: Maleficent tried to kill her at the coronation
Celia: oh yeah. I watched that. So sad you lived
(Audrey looks at Evie silently asking for a defence. Evie smiles evily)
Evie: it was oh so very sad.
Audrey: m-moving ahem on. I am princess Audrey of Auroria. And I will be your dorm advisor next school year.
Celia: is that supposed to mean anything to me
Evie: basically she’s just your glorified unpaid babysitter. Who can’t control anything you do. But you are at liberty to annoy her. There’s nothing to petty to go to her with
Audrey: well I need to sleep but
Evie: Abigail Sweet never slept when we needed her for something
(Audrey looks like she’s trying to swallow a brick)
Celia: puce is a good colour on you
Audrey (running her fingers through her hair): it’s a really dark magenta actually
Celia: wavy talking about the hair
(In the distance two voices shriek then laugh)
Evie: So the twins have seen the statue then
Audrey: here is the menu for today’s dinner
Celia: ah man. No rabbit pie.
Evie: the bolognese is just tonight’s recommendation. There’s a full buffet. And if you can’t find what you want. You can always use magic to create it.
Celia: I really like it here
(At the brunch table)
Carlos: morning gran
Jay: you have two more grandsons
Belle: hello dears. And yes Gil told me about the twins. Where are they?
Jaylos: fencing arena
Belle: aw that’s nice. Gil and Lonnie spend so much time there. It’s good to keep healthy. Unlike me.
Carlos: uh gran? It’s 11 o’clock in the morning. And you don’t smoke
Belle: I am, how do say it? Oh yes. Psyching myself up.
Jay: it’s finally happening then?
Belle: yes
Carlos: bout time if you ask me.
Belle: where is Ben. I’d like to say goodbye before I leave
Carlos: where they first met
Belle (smiling knowingly): do please tell him where I’ve gone.
Jay: of course. Want me to teleport you to the court house?
Belle: no thank you dear. I’m taking a car. Gives me time to think.
Jay: I can drive.
Belle: thank you for offering. But they’ll want to see you after if it works.
Carlos: and if it doesn’t work. She might not be ready remember
Belle: then they’ll both need you.
Elsa: queen mother. The cars here.
Belle: thank you Elsa. Are you?
Elsa: no. My daughter is expecting me
Belle: word of advice. Never marry a man who lies about resurrecting a man who attacked the both of you back from the dead.
Elsa: wasn’t planning to.
(Belle leaves)
Elsa: now boys. I see chocolate croissants and salmon bagels that are yet to be eaten. I declare a competition. Who ever finishes this food first will get the royal Arendelle chocolate fountain for the summer. I’ll referee. Sound good?
Jay: Hell yeah.
(Back in the courtyard. Ben’s used his magic to create a eatery area with a full buffet table. And a projector and film reel)
Ben: So this is a
Mal: butter bar
Ben: a butter bar? Um
Mal: context?
Ben: yes please
Mal: I was bored. And hungry. You were in a budget meeting. And Evie was annoying me. So I got a stick of butter, dipped it in cinnamon, dipped it in chocolate, deep fried in churro batter, and put peanut sprinkles on top. Magic keeps everything from melting.
Ben: that sounds absolutely disgusting. And I must try it
Mal: go ahead
Ben: I might be a decent cook, but you’re a confectionery genius
Mal: why thank you. How did our niece get on with her first transfer session?
Ben: she was great. Everyone was so great. Except
Mal: yeah?
Ben: Celia asked why you weren’t there.
Mal: ah. What did you guys say?
Ben: Carlos took care of it.
Mal: he didn’t mention my therapy did he?
Ben: no. No he didn’t
Mal: oh thank goodness. Don’t worry. I’m not, ashamed, of getting help. But it’s just that
Ben: when people you’ve not seen for a while are prone to judgement it can be a little difficult to admit your foibles
Mal: yeah. So anyway all this is very very nice. But why. Oh boy. It’s not your birthday is it?
Ben: that was two months ago. You took me to dinner at Tony’s?
Mal: right. A Thursday. It’s not my birthday is it?
Ben: you’re a month older then me
Mal: I might need to change Friday night drinks from beer to orange juice
Ben: ahhh you’re fine.
Mal: well I am half human. Not exactly pure
Ben: neither of us are.
Mal: yeah. Yeah we aren’t. So anyway. What is all this for. You can’t have missed me that much. You were only gone for twelve hours
Ben: I always miss you. But no. This is the exact same spot where we first met. A year and a half ago today.
Mal: this isn’t an anniversary. Is it?
Ben: no
Mal: oh thank god for that. I’m so sorry. That sounded cruel
Ben: that’s ok. I kinda like it when you’re a little cruel.
Mal (cackling): yeah I know. So what is that for
(She points to the film projector)
Ben: ah yes! I learned a new spell
Mal: oh yeah?
Ben: memory and dream extraction.
Mal (intrigued): continue
Ben: my dreams. And memories. About us
Mal: is that why..? The whole eatery enclosure thing
Ben: mostly because I needed food. But yeah. The occasion provides privacy. Shall I press play.
Mal: go for it. Jesus. Is that what my hair looks like from the back? And who’s speaking?
Ben: you’re hair always looks nice. And that’s me. My inner monologue
Mal: ah. And do you still have that suit?
Ben: not anymore no. I don’t think it would fit.
Mal (chuckling fondly): do you ever miss your old hair?
Ben: I’ve got purple roots because of my magic. It makes me closer to you. Why would I miss my old hair.
Mal: you’re sweet. Ah fuck.
Ben: yeah my technique is rather crude. But we got together in the end
Mal: yes. Yes we did. I tried to avoid you for so long. Because I believed you deserved better then a villain
Ben: well I’ve always been somewhat attracted to the darkness and badassery
Mal: oh the badassery is all jay. The darkness is all me. But I’m working on it. Still remember our little conversations back then
Ben: of course
(He uses magic to activate a nearby stereo. Mal shrieks in delight. This is when “as lovers go” starts. After the song)
Mal: oh my god. Omigod omigod omigod
Ben: I love you. Would you like to be my queen
(Mal tackles him in a bear, or dragon, hug)
Mal: yes. Yes yes yes. To be honest I kinda knew you had this planned
Ben: oh really?
Mal: yeah. Evie’s not been able to look at me for a month without crying. Speaking of
(She gets off of and dissolves the faux eatery revealing their friends who’ve been waiting)
Mal: C. You’ve got an official father
Carlos: YEEEEEEEEES
(He bounds up and hugs them both)
Jay (jokingly): you know if you do anything to hurt
Ben: I’m sure my magic will get to me first Jay.
Doug (more warningly but still with a smile): same goes for you Mal
Mal: Roger
(She disentangles herself from the boys)
Mal: hey. Are we filming?
Evie: I think the approved press are still here. Or at least their cameras are.
Mal: Doug buddy. Could you start rolling
Doug: sure
Mal (turning to the camera, takes a deep breath): IM ENGAGED!!!! HAHAHAHA
Evie (aside to Doug): I dunno why but I kinda thought that’d be more regal
Jay and Lonnie: it’s Mal. What did you expect
(Once Doug shuts the camera off)
Audrey: ooh ooh ooh. You can borrow my shoes.
Mal: I have bigger feet then you pal. But thank you for offering.
Chad (running up and pushing between the two friends): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Don’t touch her! You’re not the queen. You’re a fugly hag of a witch. Audrey’s the rightful queen. Soon everyone will see and
(Mal gives Audrey a look, Audrey nods her head, Mal wafts chad away mid sentence in a puff of smoke)
Mal: drunk, stoned or just plain tired?
Audrey: probably all three
(Elsewhere)
Gil: where mama? She should be here
Squeaky: uncle Florrie does this make Mal our auntie now?
Ben: sure does buddy. Moms at the courthouse. It’s the first of June. Dad finally stopped dragging his feet
Gil: ohhh
(End of part two)
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feel199x · 5 years
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 boyfriend!chan
❣ summary: chan is working super hard for his next comeback, and he’s very clingy once he comes back. he’s also very adamant on being the best boyfriend you’ll ever have
❣ warnings: none,  i think!
❣ request: yes!
❣ a/n: i kinda,,, went overboard anon im sorry :( i hope u like it ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ  masterlist
Your boyfriend was super hard-working, and although you admired him for it, it was both his greatest personality aspect and his worst. Chan was an angel, he really was, but this comeback was absolutely tiring him out. He did his best to keep up with you and give you attention, but as the comeback approached, the messages got scarcer and scarcer. You weren’t upset with him because you knew that he was in an incredibly demanding field of work, and thus, couldn’t always give you his undivided attention. Chan still felt bad though and always spoiled you when he had free time. You scolded him every time, but he could never take you seriously with how flustered you always ended up. Chan was the kind of guy who went all out in everything he did, and this included gifts. For your year and half anniversary (was that even a thing people celebrated?) he had written you a song and given you a matching set of necklaces. Chris was just everything you could’ve asked for and more, he always listened and did his best to make the relationship run smoothly. Even when you had gotten insecure about dating him, thinking that he would fall for another idol or suddenly come to a realization that you weren’t good enough, he always reassured you. It had been nearly two years now, and coincidentally your anniversary was only a couple days after their first comeback stage.
You weren’t too worried about it, Chan always took this sort of thing very seriously. Even if he didn’t do anything too special, you wouldn’t get upset with him. He was a busy guy, and you were aware of this when you started to date him. It was actually Chris who was nervous about dating you, not because of the fans or media but because he feared not giving you the love, care, and attention that you deserved. Even with how understanding you were, you still missed him. It was a good thing exams were coming up because otherwise you would be getting nostalgic rereading the text messages between you and him. And you tried not to do that, you really did but studying was so boring and stressful, all you wanted to do was fall asleep with Chan. You were almost successful with your studying session, but you swore that you had heard your phone buzz. You nearly lept onto your bed, and no there weren’t any messages but, a break couldn’t hurt right?
that rapper from hot sauce i love or smthn: hey babe im sorry for not giving you attention
that rapper from hot sauce i love or smthn: ive just been swamped with work
that rapper from hot sauce i love or smthn: i miss u and im three secs away from abandoning my kids. i am so tired. i love you baby
that rapper from hot sauce i love or smthn: by the way did you change my contact name?
you: its okay chris! dont worry about it, work is a priority. I love you too :(
you: and yes!
you: sent an image
the nice guy whojust has a lot of money: im divorcing u and leaving you with the kids
you: no please im not ready to be a single parent
you: channie please i love u
the nice guy who just has a lot of money: okay for love i guess
the nice guy who has just has a lot of money: i guess...i really am a nice guy who just has a lot of money
the nice guy who just has a lot of money: i have to go, i’ll try calling later but no promises. i miss and love you lots baby
you: oh mYGOD
you: please remember to rest babe, i love and miss u too
You sighed, shutting off your phone and holding it against your chest. He hadn’t called that day, nor since. You understood that he had responsibilities, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, you guess. Their comeback stage was tomorrow, and they were driving over to a city who’s name you forgot. You would’ve gone, if you hadn’t had finals all day and it was hours away. You felt terrible for not being able to go out and support him but Chan insisted that you stayed and rested instead of taking a bus up to their stage. You loved that man, you really did. You glared at the textbook on your desk, hoping that it would suddenly set combust into flames. But alas, you were but a mortal. Before resuming your studying, you pulled at your desk drawer to reread the motivational sticky notes that Chan would always leave around your place. You sighed, looking over the sticky notes that have since lost their sticks but made your face warm just staring at it.
Like mate, stop procrastinating!
If you get better than a passing grade i’ll let you yell at me about sleeping
Do you know how smart you are? You’re like Einstein, if he was hot
I love you but i’ll love you a little less if you fail
You smiled to yourself, your cheeks hurting and flustered from the notes. You must’ve been a patron saint in your past life because he was just, amazing. You really hoped there was a future in store for the two of you, because he made you feel like it was your first time falling in love all over again. He made you weak in the knees, and always made you feel like you were the only one for him. Maybe it was a little silly how those sticky notes motivated you, but whatever worked, right? You continued to review the notes, Chan’s voice nagging you about the formulas you hadn’t quite memorized yet in your head. But eventually, your eyes grew weary and you shut off your desk lamp, collapsing onto your bed.
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Exams were, in short, not fun. You were fairly sure you had passed, but only by the hair on your head. Maybe it was the anxiety speaking- you had yet to completely flunk an exam, but it could always happen. You’d worry about that in a couple weeks, it was future you’s problem. Right now, all you wanted was to eat take-out and watch Stray Kid’s comeback. It was fairly late when you got back home, the light outside already dimming and fading to a night gradient. You watched the clock anxiously, waiting for their stage to air on TV.
You were never one to overreact, but something about seeing your boyfriend doing what he loved on stage, seeing all his hard work pay off- it made you yell at the screen. It made you yell in the same way a sports fan yells at the players and refs, and only Chris could do this to you. As soon as his stage ended, you texted him, hyping him up. You knew he’d be doing a live shortly after, but at least he’d see it soon enough. Unfortunately, you collapsed in the middle of his live, exhaustion finally catching up with you. You thought your phone buzzed again but being half-asleep you brushed it off.
“___! ___, get up!”
“Love of mine, light of my life, shh…”
You groaned but laughed as he pulled at your arms. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he pulled you closer. “I missed you,” he murmured against your lips, pressing a kiss on them, “I’m sorry about being gone so much.” You tilted your head, smiling at him. “Hey,” you said softly, cupping your face, “Don’t worry about it, let’s get some sleep. Actually, what time is it?”
“Three am.”
“Chris!”
“Look,” he whined, “You can’t yell at me I drove six hours to be with you.” He threw you over his shoulder, “Plus, we’re going to sleep, like right now. I’ll even sleep in.” He flopped you on your bed and you crossed your arms as he took off his shirt, wiggling your eyebrows. “Wow,” you teased, “He’s hot.”
“You’re so gross,” he murmured, laying his head on your chest but not before leaving butterfly kisses up your collarbone, “How did the test go?” You sighed, playing wth his head of curly hair. “It went okay, I think. But this isn’t about me. Your stage was amazing, you did great. Phenomenal, spectacular, fantastic, ground-breaking-”
“Alright!” he sighed, “I don’t deserve you.” He tightened his arms around your waist, kissing your shoulder again. “Oh, Chris don’t start,” you scolded softly, “You’re the greatest boyfriend ever, and you work really hard. Now, shut up and go to sleep.”
“You have such a way with words, I’m swooning.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“I love you most.”
“Impossible-”
“Hm? What? I can’t hear you over the enormous amount of sleep I’m getting.”
You groaned, moving to rub your eyes but finding Chan’s arms tightly wound around you. “Don’t even think about it,” his voice was raspy and low, “I got it.”
“Chan,” you whined, “You have to eat, just stay in-”
“Later.”
You sighed again, and Chris pulled you closer pressing lazy kisses up your neck and jaw. His eyes were still closed, and you looked at him dreamily. His hair was messy, and he looked so much more relaxed, muscles less tight and tense. He was under so much stress, and it was good to see him finally take a break, even if it was only for a couple of hours. You fell asleep against his chest, feeling each heartbeat against the side of your face. And maybe you should’ve felt a little bad for waiting until he fell into a deep sleep to wriggle out of his arms (which was weirdly difficult, the guy had a strong grip) to make him breakfast. You weren’t sure what diet he was on, but you were sure that no one would mind if he cheated just a little bit.
“____! Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”
You exhaled, biting the inside of your cheek as you heard him step into the kitchen, trying your best to ignore. He hugged you from the back, letting his head rest on your shoulder, kissing the nape of your neck. “I told you we could do it later.”
“Well, it is later, Chan.”
“But we could’ve just ordered something,” he whined, “Come back to bed, please.”
“After I make you breakfast.”
“I really hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this.”
“Come to wh-?”
He picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder. “Chris put me down or I swear-”
“No,” he sat on top of you, “We’re ordering in, and we’re going to eat in bed and stay here until we become one with the bed.”
“You’re crushing me,” you groaned, “Get off you bum.”
“It’s the diet they’ve got me on, I’ve got hella gains, man.”
“Yeah I saw your thrist trap on insta, you hoe.”
“It’s not a thirst trap!”
“Well, I don’t know about that. Have you read the comments?”
“Now, listen-”
“Shut up,” you propped yourself up and kissed him, and as he leaned into it, you pushed him off.
“You play so, so dirty,” he whined, “Come here and make it up to me.” You snorted but rolled into his arms anyway. “I love you,” you said and stared at him, “A lot. Even with your hella gains, man.” He cupped your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks. “But I love you most.” You opened your mouth so protest, but he shushed you with a kiss. “Don’t start,” he said in between gasps of deep kisses, “Just let me spoil you.”
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It had been a couple days since their first stage, and later that day Chris needed to go back to the dorms to tend to his children. He insisted on staying longer, but Woojin was blowing up his phone. You guessed that the group got themselves in another mess. Your anniversary was coming up, and this was the first time you were scared that he forgot. He was usually much better about this than you, and always went a bit too far with his gifts. You had already got his present, an expensive chain necklace you took extra shifts to pay for, but it was worth it when the jeweler handed you the chain. You loved the idea of people getting their boyfriends flowers, so you got an arrangement made. You even had a photo album made of your favorite moments together, and songs that were attached to those moments. Okay, maybe it was a little corny, but you worked hard on it. Chan hadn’t messaged you since then, and you assumed it was because he was busy, but you were getting antsy.
And just like you had before, you nearly jumped to your phone when you heard your phone buzz.
iron man in the streets but better than tony: check under your bed
you: ?? okay
You crouched on the floor, pulling out a simple box, and inside of it was silk clothing with a card with an address and time stamp on it.
you: chris
you: what have you done
you: CHRISTOPHER
you: IM GOING TO END YOU
you: YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T GOING OVERBOARD
you: YOU IDIOT YOU HAVE READ RECEIPTS ON
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You’d be lying if there wasn’t a stupid grin on your face as you put on your attire. It took you a while to get ready, work and school hadn’t exactly given you room for self-care but you tried your best to look nice. You looked up the address, and much to your dismay, it was an overpriced fine dining restaurant. The cab driver gushed over your date, complimenting you and wishing you the best of luck on your future endeavours, even blessing your marriage. It was a little weird, but endearing. You hadn’t even called a cab, but instead you got a message saying your ride was there.
You expected Chan to be outside waiting for you outside, but instead, you were greeted by a very nice waiter who’s name you didn’t catch. He beckoned you to follow him. The restaurant was pantheon themed, very airy and light colors decorating the entire place. It was definetly the nicest restaurant you’ve ever been to, but you thought the same thing for your year and half anniversary too. You clutched onto your gifts awkwardly, and the waiter helped you carry the bouquet of flowers.
“Any chance you can tell me what else he has planned?” “Afraid not, he warned me about this.”
“Smart man.”
You were sat at a table in the center, the stained glass letting a pool of warm colors illuminate the room and everyone’s faces. The flowers sat delicately on your lap, and the jewelry box laid on tope of the table, your fingers dancing across it’s edges. That’s when you heard the violins start playing, crowding around your table and playing a dainty tune. You felt a blush creep on your cheeks as you rubbed them, trying to smile less. And there he was, on top of the small stage meant for the classical instrument players to sit on. You wanted to glare at him, but all you could do was smile at his gestures. He winked at you, beginning to sing a song. You were about to cry, rubbing your eyes as the song ended.
“Was I that bad?”
“No, god, no,” you pulled out the flowers and handed it to him, “I know that can’t be the end of it, so let me give these to you.” He looked through the photo album, pursing his lips as tears brimmed at the brink of his eyes. He opened the jewelry box, pulling out the fancy chain necklace you had gotten him. “Oh, baby,” he murmured, “Did you pick up extra shifts for these? You shouldn’t have…”
“Chan, literally look at everything you planned, and say that to my face again.” He smiled, pulling the chain over his head so he could wear it with his suit. You decided that he looks best while wearing fancy suits like this. Perfectly tailored to him, even if bits of chest was visible through his half-buttoned shirt. “You’re right though,” he said, “I’m not done.” He pulled out a little box out of a pocket from inside his jacket. “It’s a promise ring,” he said as he slid it across the table, “You are the love of my life, ____, and I think it’s a bit too early to full-on propose to you, but I want to make the promise that I will one day.”
You opened the box, the expensive ring nearly blinding you as the warm light hit it. “God, I hate you so much, Chris,” tears were streaming at your face, a smile glued to your face.
“Do you like it?”
“No.”
“No? We could change it- or replace it? Or-”
“I love it, and you so much.”
“I love you most.”
“No-”
“Shh,” he kissed you, “Don’t start.”
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97 notes · View notes
annak47hq · 5 years
Text
tell em that it’s your birthday’ anam
Who: Adam Levine and Anna Kendrick @alcvinehf
What: Anna makes Adam breakfast in bed for his 40th birthday 
Where: Anna and Adams home in Los Angles, California 
When: March 18th, 2019 (sometime in the morning) 
Trigger Warnings: slight nsfw 
Mentions: none 
Side Notes: Im dumb and forgot about this one too 
Anna: It was the morning of Adam’s fortieth birthday, and Anna couldn’t of been more in love with the man. The sun was just peaking in through their blinds, Anna was already up due to Weston and Lennon waking up at the same time again. Once she put them back to sleep however, the brunette wanted to do something special for her boyfriend. Sure, she threw him a surprise party but today was his actual birthday, and Anna wanted to make it up to him for not spending last year’s with him. Walking downstairs in her pajama shorts and Adam’s t-shirt, the actress started to make some coffee. Getting a tray out from the cabinets, she set it up. Anna decided she was going to make Adam breakfast in bed first, still having extra balloons from the party, Anna tied them to the tray. She made scrambled eggs, and potatoes, and added a cup of fruit. Anna then had poured orange juice into a cup as well, and the actress smiled softly to herself. Hoping that Weston and Lennon wouldn’t wake up again till a little later, since it was almost 7am, Anna grabbed the tray of the food and walked back upstairs. Opening the door, she got on her knees, and kneeled on the bed. Leaning in to kiss his neck “Good morning.” She whispered, placing the tray on the bed next to them and the actress rubbed her fingers through Adam’s hair “Happy Birthday handsome.” Anna said, kissing his cheeks now “Wake up baby.” She whispered, Anna was excited for him to wake up. 
Adam: Another year had come and gone for Adam and this morning, he was forty. Anna had thrown him a great party over the weekend to celebrate and it had already been much better than last years was for him, considering she hadn’t spent the day with him then and things were expediently different for the both of them now. Their one year anniversary was in four days and Adam had a surprise up his own sleeve for Anna, or maybe two, and their twins would be three weeks old tomorrow and he was crazy about all of it. He had been tossing and turning since Anna’s body heat had left the bed, but his eyes stuttering open as he feels her fingers rub through his hair. “Mmm…” He whispers, letting out a small chuckle as his eyes slowly open. “Hi, baby…” He whispers, clearing his throat slightly. “Good morning.” He sits up a little, glancing at the tray of food that she had brought up for him. “What’d you do?”
Anna: So much had changed, with his birthday last year Anna didn’t even bother to show up to his party out of spite. Now this year, this year the women was in love with him and threw him the biggest surprise party she could and the actress hoped that he had a good time. Turning the volume up on the baby monotor that was on the side table, Anna suddenly realized their one year anniversary was coming up and the new mom felt like asking what they were doing. Hearing Adam whisper, she continued to run her fingers through is hair and bit her lips “Good morning.” She said again, and then leaned in to finally kiss him. “I made you breakfast in bed, that’s just one of your presents for today. Weston and Lennon woke up around 5, and I just put them back to sleep since they were still exhausted. It’s almsot 7am, they should be up again soon. Happy Birthday handsome.” Anna said, kissing him one more time.
Adam: As Anna talks about what she’s done for him and the twins waking up earlier, Adam’s lips are curling into a small smile. God, he loves her so much. It was the little things like these that had made everything that they had gone through to get to this point, so much more and absolutely worth all of it. Kissing her back, he chuckles against her lips. “You’re gonna spoil me today, huh?” He asks, playfully as he sits up a little more to get himself comfortable and to kiss her back. “I love you, baby. Thank you.”
Anna: Turning him on his back so that Anna could get ontop of him, she was straddling him now and with the tray next to them, Anna laughed a little and smiled “Mmhmm. You’re an old man now, so I have to take care of you.” Anna teased, and then leaned down to kiss him once more. “I love you too.” Anna said, and she handed him the cup of coffee first, taking hers in her hand “When do you get D today?” She questioned, pushing her hair out of her face.
Adam: “Oh, ha, ha. Very funny.” Adam places his hands on Anna’s hips and gently pulls her forward while she’s straddling him. He lets out a soft hum, kissing her back. “Not until a little later, Bee said she’d text me and I’m fine with that. Probably not any later than twelve, and that’s fine. Gives me more time to spend with you.”
Anna: Anna got chills all up and down her body as he placed his cold hands on her hips, smiling within the kiss Anna moaned while he did “I love Dusty, I wouldn’t of minded if she came early. Weston and Lennon should be up soon anyway. They got up at 3am this morning, and then again around 5.” Anna said, now yawning but then took a breath “What should we do though, with no kids? Eat your breakfast first, and then maybe eat me?” Anna said, biting her lips, and smirking at him “A little birthday sex… well oral sex.”
Adam: “I wouldn’t have minded either, but Bee knows it’s my birthday and she knows I like my mornings.” He laughed a little, nodding his head. “Can you believe they’ll be three weeks old, tomorrow? We’re almost at a month, momma. We did it.” He teases, but quickly bites down on his lower lip with a groan. “Mmm, don’t tease me. I would do that for hours if you let me.”
Anna: “You do like your mornings, which is why I’m surprised you’re sleeping this late.” Anna said, laughing a little and then kissed him once more, before taking another sip of her coffee “You did it?” Anna said raising her eyebrows “I’m kidding, we did do it, it’s crazy. I don’t want them to be a month old.” Anna whined, but then pressed her forehead to his and laughed “I could tease you, I’ll tease you and we can have oral sex for hours. It’s /your/ birthday.”
Adam: “I was tired last night, babe.” Adam laughed a little, leaning up slightly since she was still straddling him, to kiss her back. “/You/ did it, I’m just here for help when you need me.” He teased, “I don’t want them to be a month old either, they’re already growing too fast,” He says, biting his lower lip a little harder. “Mmm…fine. I like the sound of that too.”
Anna: “I know you were.” Anna said, smiling a bit but as he leans up slightly, Anna kissed his lips softly “You did it too.” The actress whispered, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him as close as possible “I know, do you think we should ship them off to Neverland?” Anna questioned, laughing a little “Eat your breakfast first, then you can eat me. I promise.” Anna said, smirking. It sucked that they couldnt have actual sex yet, but for now this would do and Anna couldnt wait to be intimate with him again. 
&FINISHED 
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wonkyuna-blog · 7 years
Text
Save Myself
Genre: Fluff, M / M
Im Changkyun x Yoo Kihyun Summary: When you’re so used to caring and emotionally providing for someone else you often lose sight of who you are and what you want for yourself. Changkyun, forced from the relationship he carried on his own shoulders, now seeks to reclaim his individuality and rebuild a life for himself.
Word Count: 7.2k+
Warnings: Toxic relationship
/// Author’s Note /// My piece for @mxnetwork for the Lyrical Writing thingy! I chose Save Myself by Ed Sheeran
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Changkyun rolled back to his side of the bed, panting and chasing after his breath. He looked back towards you, sweat gleaming off your skin almost glittering in the moonlight shining through the open window. It was sweltering in the middle of July. Too hot to function but Changkyun would never pass up makeup sex. He felt really guilty that y/n had been home all day with the broken ac unit while he was at work. When he had returned home to your shared apartment you ripped into him about not calling someone earlier while you basically melted from the heat.
“I’m sorry baby, I had no idea or else you know I would have taken care of it immediately. Did you try calling anyone from the HVAC place?”
“No, obviously not. That’s your job. I haven’t had the time to do much of anything all day since I was practically dying of heat exhaustion!” You huffed at him.
“Ah, you’re right. I’m so sorry. I’ll call someone in the tomorrow and get it fixed as soon as possible, okay?”
You took a deep breath, content. “You had better, or I’m leaving.”
“No, please! Listen, I’ll send the company an email right now then wake up first thing in the morning and call so they get my message either way, okay? Everything will be fine y/n, I promise.” Changkyun waited for your answer while he fidgeted nervously. The tension was growing too much and he felt like bargaining anything just to have you calm down.  
“Fine, but you’re still going to have to make this up to me.” You turned to face him and gave him a look he knew all too well.
“Whatever you need baby, let me make it better.”
You looked so beautiful under the moonlight. The room was painted blue from the softness of it caressing every surface unhidden from shadow. Changkyun had hoped this would quell the fire in your heart from him letting you down, again. He wanted to make everything better for not taking care of you like he should have been.   Checking the AC unit before he walked out the door in the first place had been on the back of his mind but he didn’t think to actually look. He had been running late anyway trying to clean up the house so you could relax comfortably while he was gone. You had both been together for almost three years now and he knew that as long as you were happy, you both were. He tried pulling you into him so you could fall asleep together, wrapped up and safe; but you pushed him away and grunted, “too hot.” You flipped to your side facing away from him and remained silent.
That following morning Changkyun woke up early to contact someone that could come out and work on the cooling unit. It was only a small dent in everything he had planned today, though he knew he could work through it with little issues.   Today was the third anniversary of your relationship together and Changkyun had taken off work for the entire day to spend it with you. He excited himself thinking about holding your hand and going to your favorite places, eating the most delicious food, and spending the day reconnecting with one another. He started the day off with making you breakfast. Changkyun was waiting for the food to finish cooking as he set the table. You stepped into the dining room after just waking up, puzzled. “What are you doing?”
“Y/n! I hope you’re hungry because I’m cooking us a huge breakfast.”
You stood where you were and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. “Changkyun…”, you sighed.
“Yes?” He beamed up at you while setting the last fork down next to an empty plate.
“We have to talk.” You wore a blank expression and withheld any emotion you may be feeling.
“Oh? You aren’t still mad about yesterday, are you?” Changkyun’s heart began to race as he felt stress building in his head. He started to walk back towards the kitchen to tend to the food cooking on the stove as he continued. “I called the guy to come out before you woke up, so he should be here at some point in the afternoon. Plus, I’ve got a plan to completely make up for it by the end of-”
“Changkyun”, you interrupted, “we need to break up.”
He stopped where he was, back turned to you, and stood there while he processed what you had just said. “What?” His voice cracked and he slowly spun around to face you.
“I can’t do this anymore Changkyun.” You were being incredibly vague, so Changkyun was having a really hard time understanding.
“But… y/n it’s our anniversary… did I do something wrong?” He began to fidget, his fingers searching for anything to relieve the anxiety creeping into his chest.
“No… I-… yes. This just isn’t enough for me. I don’t know how to make this work and I shouldn’t have to. It just… should.” You threw your hands up and let them fall hard. You didn’t want to continue the conversation any longer.
“Y/n, whatever it is we can work on it and I can fix it. You just have to tell me-” Changkyun began to beg, he didn’t want it to end like this. Especially not today.
“It’s done, Changkyun. I’m done.”   You turned to walk away and locked yourself in the bedroom. Changkyun wanted to fight so badly, but a bigger part of him felt defeated. He didn’t know what went wrong. You were both so happy.   The fire alarm began to sound off.
Changkyun woke up in a sweat. He had been having the same nightmare for two weeks now, and was awakened each time by the alarm sounding off in his mind. The piercing shrill of it burned like a metaphor into his memory.   It was dawn, so he decided to recollect himself with a shower and head downstairs to make himself a cup of coffee to get his day started. He bounced down to the bottom step to see his mother at the kitchen table having breakfast. He had come to live with her again after the breakup since Changkyun let y/n stay in their apartment. A choice he was scolded by his mother for, since in her opinion they decided to leave the relationship so they should be the one to actually leave and not Changkyun. Still, she welcomed him home with open arms and warm meals every night. She was happy to have him back.
“Good morning! How are you feeling today?” She also took the time to check up on his recovery. His mother knew how hard of a breakup this had been for Changkyun, and she wanted to make sure that he was taking the right steps to come out of it okay.
He walked over towards the coffee maker and prepared a brew for himself. “Had the nightmare again.”  
His mother looked him up and down, his disheveled appearance causing her body language to slump too.   “You take all the time you need to recover dear. I know how much they meant to you, and no amount of time taken to get past this makes you any less of what you are.”  
“I know mom, thanks.”   After the brew was finished Changkyun silently filled his cup and shuffled back upstairs to his room.
He had been doing nothing but lay in bed since being back with his mother the past week. The week before was filled with awkward co-habitation with you. Even now, though, all that filled his head was y/n. He couldn’t shake it, he didn’t know what to do. He had gone through all the emotional stages but was still a heavy mix of angry and hopeless. Though he felt he was lucky enough to still have his mother in his life, during Changkyun’s relationship he had lost ties with all his friends and most family members. He was completely alone in the world because of y/n since you wanted him all to yourself constantly. Any attention you were stripped of sent you into emotional turmoil.   Changkyun knew he had to break out of the shell he had put himself into. He sat down at his computer and pulled up a local classified ad to make his first step: get a new job. There was no real use thinking about the past anymore and he knew he needed to move forward. It was worth it to distract himself, he thought.
He had finished applying for a grocery store and a pastry shop before seeing an offer that actually pulled his attention. He had never thought about working in a book store before, but he imagined it being peaceful and positive. That’s what you needed to recover with, right? So he filled in for the shop called Blue Moon Books, and anxiously awaited a possible phone call.
Two days later Changkyun’s mother visited him while he lay in his bed moping. It was morning and there had been no phone call from any job he applied for thus far, and he was trying his best to remain patient. The only problem was that he felt incredibly lonely, and sitting with his thoughts to himself wasn’t the best right now. He’d stare into the ceiling and think about those nights where he and y/n would sink into each other on the living room couch. You would fight with him over what to watch and tell him what he liked to watch was stupid, but Changkyun could only see the glow of the television illuminating the beautiful features of her face as she offered only an annoyed expression at him. Anything you wanted to make you happy, he would provide for you. “Honey, can I come in?” He heard a quiet rasping outside his door, his mother had come home from her late night shift.
“Sure thing, mom.” He sat up to make room for her on his bed as she took a seat next to him.  
“I really want to talk to you about all of this that’s been going on with you lately. It’s been almost 3 weeks now, and I don’t want to press but I think it’d be good for you to talk about this. You’ve been kinda mopey lately and I thought we were making good progress. I don’t want you to get discouraged though, you can have set backs. I’m just… I’m just worried about you sweetie.” She fidgeted with her hands, nervous. Clearly she was uncomfortable pushing Changkyun when she wasn’t sure if he was ready yet.
Changkyun looked to his feet and stared silently into space for a while. He actually wasn’t sure if he was ready to face the reality - at least talking about it made what happened seem more real than it should anyway. His mother was right though, it was time to talk about it and there was no one better than her.
“I just… I don’t know where to start mom.” He couldn’t look at her or he knew he’d start crying. “I just don’t know what happened, ah.” His voice began to crack. “We got in a little fight about the AC unit, and I took care of everything but then this still happened.” He circled with his hands to make a visual representation of, ‘all this’, then let them fall as he felt completely defeated.
“Changkyun, if you can walk through what did happen that day with me, please. I want to understand just like you do.” She reached over and rubbed his back in a figure eight motion to try and get him to relax.
He let out a deep sigh and squeezed his temple between his fingers. His mother was all he had left in the world. She had let him live there again with her, so it seemed only fair to let her hear what her son had gone through. “I don’t know mom, it was mostly a lot of confusion. I came home that night from work and y/n hadn’t spoken to me all day. I didn’t bother them, felt they needed some space you know, and I was fine with that. The second I walked through the door though, they absolutely blew up on me. It was like a bomb went off. Screaming incoherent sentences, I just wanted them to calm down so I could fix whatever was wrong. They finally brought it down enough to tell me the air conditioner had been broken all day with them in the apartment basically melting, and they were upset that I hadn’t done anything about it.”
Changkyun’s mother nodded. “Did you know about it before coming home?”  
“Well… no, but I just felt so bad for them and I understand why they were mad but….” Changkyun began to fidget with his hands then when his mother continued talking.  
“You shouldn’t feel bad for them being a lazy piece of shit.”  
“Mom!” He had never heard her curse before.  
“I’m sorry hun, I just don’t think that was handled right at all. On their end, anyway.”
“Well, they broke up with me the next day anyway so it doesn’t matter anymore.” He felt himself growing distant when this discussion became uncomfortable. His mother was protective of him, and obviously held a grudge for y/n isolating her only son from everyone else in the world. Just then Changkyun’s phone began to ring, and to his joy interrupted their conversation. “Hello?”
“Hello! I’m calling for a… Changkyun?”
“Yes, speaking.”
“Hey! My name is Shownu, I’m calling from Blue Moon Books about your application? I’ve just finished reviewing it and was wondering when you might be available for an interview?”
Changkyun had to recover his heart from his stomach after hearing his quick speech. “Y-yes! When would be best for you? I’m free all this week actually.”
“Great! Come by the shop around 2pm today and we can get you all set up!”
“I’ll be there, thank you so much!” The call ended and Changkyun looked back to his mother who was giving him a confused expression.
“Mom, I have an interview with that book store I was telling you about.” He almost couldn’t believe the words that spilled from his mouth. It didn’t exactly seem like that big of a deal, but he was proud of himself for taking some first few steps at getting his life back up and going.
“That’s great! Well, go get washed up for it I won’t keep you!” His mother rushed out of the room, all smiles.
Main-street was busy and bustling. The smell of fresh bread hung in the air from the bakery Changkyun walked past, he was almost tempted to go in but he had his mind focused on meeting Shownu. It was a beautiful, bright day and he felt more confident than usual about his budding opportunity.   Changkyun arrived at the shop twenty minutes before his interview since wanted to look around for a bit and see how he felt about the atmosphere of the store. He was able to walk there because it was only a few minutes away from his mother’s home settled on a calmer street section in the city, down further from the claustrophobic feeling the beginning of main street held. The building, marked with large blue lettering that of course read 'Blue Moon Books’, had single pane front windows with book displays and popular character models in an attempt to draw in curious eyes.   As soon as he walked in the aroma of pressed espresso had washed over his senses. It was rather quiet in the store aside from the barista preparing coffee with quick hands. He was a tall, brilliantly tanned man with golden blonde hair pulled into a short pony tail. His gaze was fixated on his task and one could tell he held a certain passion for the job he performed.   The store itself was impressively organized with volumes upon volumes of whatever genre one would be in the mood for. Mystery, drama, comedy, love, it was all here and categorized by the genre itself, then by the author. Two more men stood at the counter as Changkyun continued deeper into the store. One with a rounded face and eyes that held their own kind of smile, he looked genuine. He was speaking with a larger, broad shouldered man whom Changkyun assumed must be the manager, Shownu, that he spoke on the phone with. He carried himself high and looked to be giving direction. The first man looked to Changkyun and broke their conversation.  
“Is there anything I can help you with sir?” He leaned on the counter, propped up by his elbows.
“Yes, actually. I’m here for an interview.” Changkyun straightened his back out and tried his best to look what he felt was professional.
As if it were rehearsed the man presumed to be Shownu stepped forward with a large smile. “That would be me! And you would be Changkyun? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  
“Likewise, sir.” Changkyun felt incredibly at ease then, even though he was speaking with an employer. He felt good about this. Shownu stepped from behind the counter to extend his hand in greeting. Changkyun took this opportunity to look him over and was slightly amused by his visage.   Shownu looked like someone that should be at the gym right now or at a fighting match proving his own strength. Instead, this hulking mass was managing a quiet book shop on main street. Nothing wrong with that, of course, Changkyun thought to himself. Rather amusing in the simplest means. It was humbling if nothing else.
“Let’s take a walk around while you tell me about yourself.” Shownu placed a gentle hand on Changkyun’s shoulder as the two of them began to walk the shop together.  
“I’ve never seen a shop so spacious yet so filled before.” Changkyun marveled. He had hoped that didn’t come out as an attempt of flattery. Maybe he was nervous after all.
“Tell me, why do you want this job?” Shownu kept his eyes forward, listening intently.
Right to it, then. “Well, truthfully sir… I just got through a pretty rough breakup… and I’m looking for something not so stressful and where I can grow into myself again. Just… I guess something to focus on.” He had hoped it wasn’t painfully obvious that he had rehearsed that line over and over on his way to the shop that day. Even though he did hesitate a few times. Shownu was mostly quiet, they had stopped walking while Changkyun awaited a response.  
“Well Changkyun, we are a small family here. I’ll be straight forward with you, I need an extra hand with the register and with organization. Business is really picking up and I need more people at the counter than just one person. I’ve been through the other interviews today and you’re the first that has been pretty laid back instead of attempting to flatter me with business speak and talking out their ass the whole time. Plus, if you’re going through a tough time who am I to turn down someone looking to bring purpose and structure back to their life?” He paused, cleared his throat, and extended his hand towards Changkyun. “If you can start tomorrow, the job is yours.”  
“I’ll even start today if you need me to.”  
Shownu chuckled at his response. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, kid. Just go rest up and be here tomorrow by 8am.”  
“Absolutely! Thank you so much.” Changkyun, ecstatic, ran out the door to go prepare and tell his mother the good news. Main street had died down by this point, so he decided to burst into a full on sprint back up the walkway. He hadn’t felt this excited in weeks.
“I’m so happy for you!” His mother was almost squealing with her own excitement. “Oh, this is going to be so good for you, I know you’re going to love it. Read too while you’re there, okay? You used to love reading so much.” She cooed.
“I will, mom.”
The next morning, Changkyun tossed himself awake reacting to the loud screams of fire alarms, again. He lifted himself out of bed, covered in sweat, looking around for any sign of the blaze. Nothing.   “Dammit.” He sighed to himself.   He wasn’t sure how long the nightmares would last, but at least today they woke him in time to get ready for his first day at work. He showered then ran downstairs after getting dressed to find his mother standing near the dinner table. She had a cup of coffee for him and the biggest smile he’s ever seen her wear. He walked over and embraced her tight.   She rubbed his back and said, “this is going to be good for you, like I said. A new fresh start. You’re such a strong person Changkyun, I know you’ll get where you need to be. And I’m always here for you. Remember this.”  
He thanked her and headed out towards the shop.   Walking in he saw the man at the counter from yesterday, greeting him with a warm smile.  
“I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself since you ran out so fast yesterday. I’m Jooheon.”   Jooheon held his hand out to formally greet Changkyun.  
“Right, sorry about that. I’m Changkyun.” He returned the gesture. “It’s nice to meet you!”  
Jooheon giggled. “You don’t have to be super formal here, we’re all like a family anyway. So, to kick things off let me run down what you’ll be doing.”  
Jooheon walked Changkyun around the sales floor, front counter, then the back room telling him how to use the register and check inventory.  
“Customers can order books through us too if we don’t have exactly what they’re looking for in stock.” Jooheon explained while showing him the public kiosk set up for people to use freely on the sales floor.   “So”, Jooheon turned to face Changkyun, “since I’m finished with the basics why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? I can only eavesdrop so much, you know.”
Changkyun thought for a second before answering. “There’s not much to tell, truthfully.” He shrugged. “I’m just pretty much looking to find myself. Like, who I am and what I want essentially. I figured this would be something new and relaxing for me.”
“Bad breakup?” Jooheon interjected.
“W-what?” Changkyun felt embarrassed.
“Shownu mentioned it, but I won’t bring it up if it’s still sensitive. So don’t sweat over it.”  
“Heh, I’m sure I’ll talk about it soon, it’s only just been about a month anyway – probably less. I’m trying not to keep track.” Changkyun rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, trying to show he was uncomfortable without really saying it.
“Relax, man. You’re going to like it here just fine.”  
A man walked up to them as they stood at the counter talking. Jooheon greeted him first, likely demonstrating what was expected of Changkyun.  
“What can we help you with?” Jooheon flashed that brilliant smile of his.
“Mmm, well…” The man was shorter than the both of them and looked rather timid while he gathered his thoughts. Though, Changkyun caught himself thinking only about how adorable he is. He had black strands of hair cascade down his forehead in protest against the gel that was supposed to hold it back and wore ripped jeans with a tight fitted t-shirt around his small body. “I was wondering if either of you had any good recommendations? I’m usually a pretty avid reader but I love seeing what other people pick up so I can try it too.”  
Changkyun realized that Jooheon was staring at him, waiting for him to take this opportunity for himself. Surely for the job experience only.  
“I… um… well…” The man stared intently at Changkyun, waiting for his answer. Changkyun released the air he held captive in his lungs as a deep sigh. “I actually haven’t been able to read much lately��� and I just started here so I’m sorry that I can’t be of much help.”  
The man began to quietly giggle. “I appreciate the honesty, darling.” He beamed up at Changkyun.   “How about…” he pulled a pen and paper from his bag, “you get a recommendation from me, instead, and the next time I see you we can talk about it.”   He smiled big as he handed over the paper, offered a quick wave, then turned and almost bounced his way out the door. Changkyun felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Jooheon very amused.  
“You know you cant fall in love with every customer that comes in right? You might want to calm down a bit before someone thinks you were sitting in the sun too long. Your face is so red!” He teased and Changkyun hid his face behind his hand and with the other passed the paper to Jooheon.
“Do we have this in stock?”  
Jooheon busted out laughing “I don’t know if we have a book titled 'Kihyun’ with a kissy face, or maybe that’s the author? Oh but see here… the other line, that must be the book title we can look up. Just another thing I can show you, come on.”
Another week had passed since Changkyun first started at Blue Moon Books. He and Jooheon were becoming close friends quickly and he had learned a lot from him about different novels that had become popular over the past couple of years. He felt he missed out on so much. Though the one book he was most invested in was the one recommended to him by the man he met his first day there. Changkyun had finished reading it and was waiting around to see him walk through the front door so they could talk about it, but each day came and went without seeing his face.  
“He’ll come in eventually man, it’s only been a week anyway. That’s not the first time I’ve seen him come in.” Jooheon gave Changkyun a rough pat on the back “Besides, with the way you’re so worked up over it this is probably good for you anyway. Didn’t you just come out of a long term relationship?”  
“Yeah…”, Changkyun sighed, “you’re right, and…. I don’t know I guess I’m just a little lonely is all. Three years is a long time with someone. Not to mention I haven’t even thought of the possibility of being with someone new? And he’s just so cute I….”  
“How did that end anyway? If… you don’t mind me asking.” Jooheon was a bit uneasy asking this question. He knew it could be sensitive.
Changkyun gave in, though, and told him everything about y/n that had happened in those last two days they were together.   “And I’m not sure if I have the right to be angry you know? A big part of me is, but I have no one to blame but myself anyway.”  
Jooheon stood where he was and held his concerned expression for a while, thinking, before finally speaking.   “Dude, you do realize this person was using you, right?”  
“Huh? What are you talking about?” Changkyun certainly wasn’t expecting those words from him.
“You were in an emotionally manipulative relationship with them. They used you for everything. Tell me, didn’t you say when you first got here that you were trying to find yourself? Why do you that is, exactly?”
“I mean I…”, Changkyun hadn’t thought of the reason, honestly. He just knew he wasn’t himself. “I had to care for them you know? And… in doing that I kind of lost sight of who I was or what I wanted.” Yeah, that sounded about right. “That’s just natural though, I did what I needed to-”  
“Changkyun, come on man. That’s not normal. Y/n is an adult, and they should be able to handle themselves and their own life. Listen, the cooling unit is a thing that happens, not someone asking you to take the responsibility for their every mishap or emotion for three whole years. That a lot of shit to carry on your shoulders.”  
Changkyun was silent, unsure of what to say exactly. He was starting to think that maybe Jooheon was right, and that he did deserve better than what happened between them. But then he wondered how you un-do three years of all that combined.  
Jooheon could tell he was troubled.   “I didn’t mean to make you feel negatively at all, nothing you did was wrong and you didn’t deserve what happened. I hope you know that… I want you to know that. You’re a good person, Changkyun. Karma will do wonders, just watch.”  
Changkyun offered a small smile.   “Thank you Jooheon”  
“Don’t sweat it, let’s get back to work and get our mind off this, yeah?”  
Changkyun went about his day organizing shelves, doing inventory for a new books, and selling merchandise. They were getting close to locking the doors when one last customer ran up.  
“I’ll be quick, I promise!” Jooheon let them inside and then ran over to Changkyun.
“Um, you’ll want to be ready at the counter for this.” He was smiling big… too big.
“What?”
“Just go!” Jooheon pushed him towards the register. Changkyun watched as the customer darted inbetween shelf after shelf, like they had been here a hundred times. They gently pulled each selection from their place, giving them a once over before finally picking two and walking briskly towards the counter where Jooheon and Changkyun stood waiting. Changkyun then recognized him as he approached. Kihyun.
“Oh! I’ve been waiting for you to come back around! I finished that book you recommended.”  
“Oh, yeah?” A flash of red crept in his cheeks and he broke eye contact. “You know I realized how dumb I was for not even giving you my name before. I’m Kihyun.” He was half looking to the side, half looking at Changkyun’s chin. He wondered why Kihyun seemed embarrassed.
“Ah”, Changkyun rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “yeah, I saw on your note actually. I’m Changkyun.”  
Kihyun slid the books he picked onto the counter and took a breath. “Um, would you like to hang out with me sometime? We can… talk about that book.” His face was even more red now, changing hue by the minute it seemed.   Changkyun, frozen with the product scanner in his hand, was shocked at the sudden invitation. He felt Jooheon lightly pinch his arm in encouragement.  
“Yeah, that sounds great actually. I know of this arcade in town we can go to, if you’d be interested in something like that?”  
“Are you kidding?!” Kihyun seemed excited at the suggestion. “I love arcades! I didn’t even know there was one in town. Are you free tomorrow?”   He was practically bouncing on the soles of his feet awaiting Changkyun’s response.  
“He is!” Jooheon answered for him, but Changkyun was confused. He wasn’t free tomorrow, he had to work.  
“Great! We can meet up around noon then. How much do I owe you guys?” He stood waiting, wallet in hand, and the most lovely smile painted on his mouth.
Changkyun cleared his throat. He was trying so hard not to feel awkward, but he couldn’t help it.   “It’s fifteen seventy-nine.”  
Kihyun paid for his new books and handed Changkyun a slip of paper. “Feel free to text me whenever. See you tomorrow!”  
The moment the door closed behind Kihyun, Jooheon turned to place his hands on Changkyun’s shoulders.   “Dude, relax. You two are just hanging out, and I’m gonna cover your shift. Besides, you’ve been working every single day so you could use a good break."
"You’re right.” Changkyun exhaled. “Thanks, man.”
“Just because you think he’s cute doesn’t mean you have to add pressure to this, you know.”   Jooheon walked to the backroom laughing before Changkyun, mouth agape, could protest.  
That night back home, before going to bed Changkyun decided he would try and text Kihyun to start conversation and hopefully make himself feel less anxious about them hanging out tomorrow. He sat on the edge of his bed writing, deleting, and then rewriting text after text before finally gathering the courage to send him something. Just before hitting send Changkyun’s phone began to vibrate as it received a call.   He hadn’t recognized the number at first, but after answering and hearing the voice on the other line his heart dropped into his gut.  
“Changkyunniieee!” Y/n was basically purring his name on the other end.  
He didn’t answer right away.   “Did you miss me? Hmm? I-I miss-d you by like… just a lil bit ya know.” “Y/n are you drunk right now? What do you want.”   His shock transgressed into a slow burning infuriation.  
“I dunno I just wan-ne-ted to hear your voice, maybe? And no! Sill-by, I only drank a lil cup. I’m fiiinne. You’re acting like we barely know-”  
“You told me to leave you alone, and I respected your wishes. So this is me, asking you to respect mine and return the favor.”   Changkyun hung up and tried to recollect himself. Where in the hell did they get off thinking they could just call like that? He looked back down to his phone to see three new messages.  
The first two:   -UNKNOWN (11:28 PM): YOU THIBNK YOU CANA JUST HANG UP ON ME HWEN IM SPEAKING TO YOU?? FUCK YOU -UNKNOWN (11:34 PM): ok im sorry haha im jst kidding call me  
“Ugh.” Changkyun was hoping this wouldn’t begin to be a thing, and would remain a one-time occurrence.   Then he checked the third message:   -KIHYUN (11:07 PM): Hey!~ I’m looking forward to our hang out tomorrow. Be ready to bring your competition on! >:D  
That text alone removed the bitter feeling from his heart. He was moving on.
Changkyun arrived at the arcade far too early. It was just now eleven when they had agreed to meet around noon. Yet, here he was, eagerly waiting for Kihyun to show. Not too long after he had made it there, his phone began to ring. As he looked down to see the caller ID it lit up as the number y/n had called him from the previous night. Against his better judgement, he answered.
“Hello.”
“Oh! Changkyun! Thank god, listen… you’ve got to help me.” Y/n sounded panicked and was breathing heavy.
“With?” He couldn’t believe this.
“My boyfriend he uh… kicked me out. I have nowhere to go.” They seemed to be on the verge of tears, or at least that’s what the acting came off as.
“And how is that my problem.” He forced a stern tone in his voice, he wasn’t interested in helping them whatsoever.
“Well, that’s rude… but, we got into a fight and he told me to get out. Long story short. So I went out for a few drinks until he calmed down but when I came back the door was locked.”
“Wait, wait. Where were you staying?” The other end stayed silent. “Y/n!” He tried pushing.
“Uh-I… our apartment?”
“Are you serious right now? This is some major irony, isn’t it?” Changkyun was kicked from his own apartment from the person who decided to end their relationship, and now the same was happening to them. Jooheon was definitely right about karma, and it came bearing teeth.
“Changkyun you’re being really mean.” He could almost hear that stupid pout through the whining. “I need help and you’re just going to critici-”
“You’re damn right I’m going to criticize you. You think that you’d just call me up, so sure that I’m still wrapped around your fucking finger and that I’ll just drop everything that I’m doing just to coddle you. Well, you ensured that will never happen again, and I gotta say y/n… I thank you for it.”
“What are you even fucking talking about?”  
“Ah, there’s the snake.” Changkyun looked up to see Kihyun waving and towards him. “I’ve got to go. Don’t call me again, and find someone else to leech off of. It sounds like your new toy isn’t so easily swayed anyway. Good luck.”   He turned his phone off and shoved it inside of his pocket. Changkyun felt immensely proud of himself in this moment. He did something he never in a million year dreamed that he would, and he had never felt more free.
“What are you all smiley about, huh?” Kihyun pushed Changkyun’s arm in a playful manner.
“Just… I dropped something from my life and I feel a lot better. Let’s go inside?”
“Oh! Yes please!”
They stepped inside and Kihyun began to marvel at everything he saw. “Oh, my god! It’s video game heaven!”
“Well, that is kinda the point.” Changkyun teased.
“Tsk, I told you that I’ve never been here before. Let my inner child have a sugar rush, will you?” Kihyun giggled and picked out games for them to play together. Changkyun felt they were there for days with how much fun he was having. Kihyun demolished him at racing games, but Changkyun had the upper hand with shooters. He felt as if the world, including the past and future, melted away. It was only him and Kihyun genuinely enjoying each other and having fun. Nothing else mattered, and that’s when Changkyun thought to himself that nothing else would. “Kihyun?” His stomach knotted up into ways he didn’t think were possible.
“Yes?”
“Thank you for today.”
“Oh, you’re welcome! But… what do you mean, what for?” He was beaming from ear to hear. His smile lit up his whole face. Curious, but happy still.
“It’s just..” Changkyun stammered, “I don’t feel any pressure being around you. Like… I’m not walking on egg shells, you know? I just… thank you.” He was having a hard time maintaining eye contact. There was something he had to get off his chest.
For a moment Kihyun was confused, but slowly seemed to gather Changkyun’s meaning and let it go. “Like I said dear, you’re very welcome. I’m having a lot of fun too!” They stood in awkawrd silence for a short while before Kihyun pressed. “Shall we play more, or…?”
Changkyun exhaled hard, and took a step towards Kihyun.   “Kihyun can I…” He couldn’t bring himself to look up, but he heard Kihyun grant him a small giggle.
“Why are you acting so silly?”
“Can I kiss you?” He felt like he had been punched in the gut, but for some reason it was more satisfying than painful.
“I…”   Changkyun finally looked up to find Kihyun with a surprisingly relaxed expression, searching for something to say. As he gave a slow nod time stopped for Changkyun. He gently reached forward and cupped Kihyun’s cheek in his palm, then drew him close to kiss him deep. He felt Kihyun’s little fingers tighten around his biceps as if to brace himself, and his lips were outrageously soft. They tasted of strawberries and that was something Changkyun knew he would never forget. Kissing Kihyun felt just right, like they were designed for each other. Then, Kihyun pulled away.  
“I just… I had to know.” Changkyun confessed. “I felt something and… I don’t know, kissing you sounded like a way to solidify that.” He nervously rubbed his arm, unsure of what Kihyun was feeling.
“Changkyun I…” He looked conflicted, like he held his own secret. The tiny child in him that was just running around the arcade, hiding.
“If… if this is to become something… more…” He was having a tough time searching for the words again it seemed. He had hoped that Kihyun knew he could trust him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Changkyun I wasn’t born… how you see me now. I need to know you’re comfortable with who I am. I was… born a female, not as me. Not as… Kihyun.”
Changkyun’s heart swelled. “You’re Kihyun to me. You are who you say you are, and to me? You are Kihyun, the boy I met a week ago that has made me develop the biggest, most horrendous crush on.”
Kihyun couldn’t help but laugh.  
“And I’m scared as hell but… I want to know all of you. I mean you.”
Kihyun shoved himself into Changkyun’s embrace then.
“We’ll both grow into ourselves. You can learn to trust me, and I can do the same for you.” He lifted his chin up and placed small, wet kisses along Changkyun’s jaw line. Standing on the tips of his toes Kihyun whispered into Changkyun’s ear, “We learned how to save ourselves.”
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