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#but instead of drawing all those great angsty soul-tearing ideas i had. do you know what my brain decided?? DO YOU???
drawnfamiliarfaces · 3 months
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You Can STAY - Part 11
F/M Main Pairing: Y/N x Lee Felix (Side Pairing: Y/N x Stray Kids)
Genre: Fantasy AU; Scarlet Heart AU; OT8 SKZ
Warnings: Language; SMUT; very angsty feelings
Summary: King Felix takes the throne and Y/N makes a difficult choice.
Tag List: @angelphantomlove @moonlightracha @jjabbur @pinkchcn @straykidbaby @moonnstars90 @dru-shadow @skzooyeet @poutypoutybin
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It’s impossible to escape Felix.
The weight of his actions and words hold me hostage in a Castle where I no longer felt like I belonged.
In the days following his ascension to the throne, I’ve watched his brothers leave their home, standing outside on the balcony behind Felix while Chan, Jisung, and Jeongin retreat into the distance. On the inside, I’m furious, observing the scene of unexpected cruelty; although, the fate of his brothers is certainly incomparable to the nightmarish decision he made regarding the former Queens of the Castle, including his own mother.
This was a Felix who I could barely comprehend, one who had been unraveled from the inside, leaving only the harsher parts of himself to remain.
But the heart beating inside my chest did not seem to understand that Felix had changed in those subtle ways, and despite my protest in delaying our marriage yet again, I couldn’t stay away from him long. In fact, after only a few nights of excusing myself to the Queens’ former chambers, I returned to Felix’s bed one evening after another frightening vision in which I saw a Felix painted with blood, streaking across the mural of his freckles, and standing in stark contrast to the murderous look in his eyes.
This was a Felix who I had abandoned, and I couldn’t stand the thought of causing Felix to unravel any further.
So, I gave in to my heart’s demands, and I listened to the warnings from that vision, and I approached Felix in the middle of the night wearing only a loose gown that swept the floor with every tentative step.
“Felix,” I whispered into the darkness of the room.
“Y/N,” his voice grumbled in return, husky with sleep.
I took his acknowledgment as an invitation, crawling next to him in bed. “I missed you,” I said, and then Felix was on top of me, kissing his way past all the heavy tension that had laid between us for so long. 
“You came back,” was all he said before slim fingers danced their way across the bare skin of my thighs, twisting themselves into the hem of my panties before rolling the fabric down my legs and onto the floor. “Mine,” he soothed, tongue forcing its way into my mouth as he shuffled his sleep pants down to his knees, freeing his cock.
“Please,” I gasped, arching my back in premature celebration when he teased the slit of his erection between my puffy folds.
“You’ll beg me, Y/N,” Felix growled, and I didn’t have the position to deny him, especially now that he had all the power.
“I’ll do anything, Felix,” I cried, grinding myself down the best that I could to feel the friction of his hard cock teasing my sex, even if it was still not enough. “I want you more than anything!”
“Then you’ll marry me,” Felix insisted, and I could hardly fathom his persistence.
“Yes,” I agreed, almost on instinct despite my promise to stay strong until he brought back his brothers from their undeserved exile.
But I gave in to my heart and desire instead.
“Such a good girl,” he said, and he slid his cock inside, groaning low under his breath at the tight squeeze of my cunt, holding him as close as possible. 
“Felix,” I said. “Faster.”
“Of course, my queen,” he said, and my heart did a strange somersault at the idea of being his queen, a softer sentiment that was lost in the next moment when he started pounding his hips against mine, drawing back out to the tip before pressing forward with powerful thrusts that moved me up and down the bed with the rapid pace of our fucking. 
His fingers toyed with my clit, squeezing and rubbing harshly at the engorged bud, throbbing under his persistent touch and the heat building between my legs as the fiery friction of our connection grew to a boiling point, an explosion of his name across my lips as I fell apart under the one man who was meant to keep me together. 
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The priest wore a smug smile, looking between the two of us with a nonchalant shrug. “You cannot marry,” he said. “According to our laws, the new queen must be untouched by marks, and there are plenty of scars on Y/N.”
I froze, recalling with stunning clarity what seemed like years ago when I was beaten and punished for my supposed crime of trying to poison Minho. Of course, I was innocent on the matter, but my pleas for help went unanswered, and the guards who were put in charge of extracting a guilty word from me had been particularly brutal. 
“That wasn’t her fault,” Felix growled.
“The scars are still there,” the priest said, and I sat back in my chair, defeated once again.
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The next morning, I went on a walk by myself, upset by the previous day’s reckoning, and the knowledge that Felix was still unraveling, further still, now that the possibility of our union was completely rendered obsolete. 
It was a lot to think about, and I was lost in my mind for a long time, wandering the perimeter of the gardens. For a while, I lingered on Felix’s expression of pure rage from our conversation with the priest because, for a split second, I was certain that he would demand the man’s death.
But Felix refrained. For now, at least.
“What can I do?” I wondered aloud, to stop him from sinking even lower?
“You can’t do anything,” a voice whispered from beyond my subconscious, and I paused at the edge of the forest, not realizing that I had traveled so far, to look at Jisung straight in his eyes. 
“Jisung!” I gasped, immediately launching myself into his arms. “Are you well?”
“I’m okay,” he reassured me, and I pulled back with a start.
“If Felix sees you here...”
“Relax,” Jisung smiled. “I don’t intend to stay long. I only wish to talk with you.”
“Me?” I repeated.
“You,” Jisung agreed with a teasing lilt. “Come on.”
I hesitated only a for a moment, glancing back over my shoulder at the Castle, before following Jisung further into the woods. “Where are we going?”
“Not far,” Jisung said, and I knew that I could trust him, listening to the sounds of the leaves crunching beneath our steps when Jisung made an abrupt turn that brought us to the side of the worn path that led between the village and Kingdom beyond our own. It was quiet and well-hidden, and I leaned in closer to Jisung as he observed our surroundings before releasing a sigh. “You need to leave the Castle.”
I blinked in response, at first, looking at Jisung like he might suddenly start laughing at any moment and proclaim his order as a joke. 
But he didn’t.
“I can’t leave him,” I said. “He’s volatile.”
“He relies on his emotions too much,” Jisung agreed. “And you bring out his most powerful ones.”
I frowned, hating the truth behind his words. “I love him.”
“I know,” Jisung said, and he gave me a meaningful look. “You need to leave him because of those feelings.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” I said, and I resented Jisung in that moment, acting like such a decision could be made so easily.
“Felix needs to be King,” Jisung said. “He’s the only one who makes sense.”
“Why?” I huffed. “You’re suddenly fond of him?”
Jisung flinched at the comment. “He has allies in the North, and Chan and I received a visit from Hyunjin this morning. The South favors Felix because of his military background.”
“You saw Hyunjin?” I exhaled.
Jisung nodded. “He had to leave again. Something urgent came up, but he wants to return and see you...” Jisung trailed off, studying me like he was waiting for an opportunity. “He’ll only be able to see you outside of the Castle.”
I rolled my eyes at his insistence. “This is Chan’s idea, isn’t it?”
“Chan knows nothing about this.”
I took a step back, surprised by the admission. “What?”
“Y/N, Felix will leave the throne for you,” Jisung said, and it dawned on me then, the reason why he wanted me to leave. 
“You know that we can’t be married.”
“I had my suspicions,” Jisung admitted. “The Castle is steeped in tradition, and future queens...well...they can’t be-”
“Flawed,” I finished for him. “Like me with my scars.”
Jisung lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”
I shook from the very inside of my soul, realizing the gravity of what I needed to do for the Kingdom. “I can’t ever be married.”
“If you leave here with me, then we can marry each other,” Jisung said. “The tradition only applies to our Kings, and Minho gave me permission when he was still in power, just in case anything were to happen to Felix. He wanted to make sure that you could still be happy.”
I swallowed hard, and my heart ached for a man who was gone. “Why would we marry?”
Jisung gave me a sheepish smile. “We can live together, in a village outside of the kingdom without suspicion.”
“With Chan and Jeongin?”
“No, they’ll remain here and watch over Felix.”
I stiffened. “Are they okay with that?”
Jisung sighed. “Everything is already planned, Y/N. All we need now...”
“Is me,” I concluded, rubbing my hands together even though it wasn’t cold. “I need to leave the Castle.”
Jisung nodded again, and I was grateful when he remained quiet once the tears started to fall freely of their own accord.
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It was dark when I returned to the Castle, discovering Felix pacing in our shared room when I arrived.
“There you are!” he exclaimed, eliminating the space between us to accept me into his arms with a gentle kiss. “I almost sent the guards out!”
“I just needed a walk to clear my head,” I said, carefully extracted myself from his arms to wander over to the balcony.
Felix followed me outside. “What’s going on? Is something wrong?”
“Just some thoughts,” I said, gazing out over the Castle grounds.
“Thoughts?” Felix questioned, and I was relieved by his warm presence from behind.
“You need to lead the Kingdom,” I said. “I think you’ll be a great King.”
Felix chuckled, brushing a soft kiss across my cheek. “With you by my side.”
My heart clenched at the sentiment. “Felix, if we can’t marry, would you stay on the throne?”
There was silence for a moment following my question before Felix turned me around to face him. “I’ll figure out a way, Y/N.”
“But not at the risk of vacating the throne?”
Felix looked away, but there was a brief flicker in his eyes that told me everything I needed to know. Enough to validate Jisung’s arguments and my worst doubts. “There’s no need to worry.”
“Felix,” I finally said. “I need to leave.”
“Leave?” Felix laughed as if I had just told him the funniest joke. “Where do you get these ideas from?”
“When I leave,” I said, continuing on as if he had never interrupted. “You must promise me that you’ll stay and be a good king.”
Felix’s laughter died in an instant. “Y/N, are you serious?”
“Does it look like I’m not?” I returned, and Felix’s entire expression shifted into something frenzied and uncontrolled, using both hands to squeeze at my arms.
“I’ll abandon the throne!” Felix roared, but I only met his gaze calmly.
“No you won’t,” I replied. “You know that you can’t.”
Felix growled, releasing me and resuming his incessant pacing. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“To ensure that you’ll do the right thing.”
“The right thing,” Felix enunciated. “Is being with you.”
I sighed, watching as he fell apart. “I see.”
Because it was obvious to me that I would have to leave without saying goodbye, and that hurt worse than anything else ever could. 
“You’re talking nonsense,” Felix said, and he reached out for my hand to pull me back inside our room. “We’ll finish this in the morning after we’ve both had time to clear our heads.”
I simply nodded, allowing my silence to put him back together again as best as I could. Meanwhile, Felix brought me next to him in our shared bed, pressing kisses into my hair and whispering nonsensical words, and I allowed him to do that too because this was our final night together, and I wanted him to remember me as the one person who had always been on his side.
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It was approaching midnight and Felix’s breathing had leveled off into soft snores. It was the perfect opportunity to leave the comfortable embrace of his arms, packing only what I thought was essential before wandering out onto the balcony once again.
Below me, waiting in the coverage of the bushes, was Jisung. I waved my hand at him and waited for his acknowledgement before tossing down my belongings. He caught them easily, and I used my magic to help levitate me down to where Jisung was waiting.
From there, he brought me to the woods where two stallions had been tied to the large trunks of the trees. “You planned well,” I remarked, and then we both ensured that my things were secure. 
“Did you tell him anything?” Jisung asked at one point, but I shook my head because it was easier than the truth.
“He’ll do the right thing,” I promised, and Jisung seemed satisfied, helping me onto my horse with a grunt.
“Let’s go,” Jisung said, and I waited until he was also properly situated before following him once again into the deeper coverage of the foliage, rushing further and further away from the Castle.
There were still some doubts lingering at the back of my head because I had always thought the answer was to stay with Felix, but I had been wrong. I was the problem, and when I left the Castle with Jisung that night, I looked back only once and wished all the best for the man I loved. 
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Dear Felix,
By the time you read this, I will have already gone.
It pains me to part from you at such a crucial hour, but I have no other choice. 
We have no other choice.
Do not look for me. Worry about being a good king. Rule the kingdom as I would wish for you to rule. Fair and true.
Leave the rest to fate, and keep your distance from your brothers. No more of your bloodline should be sacrificed. 
Yours always,
Y/N
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punkpoemprose · 6 years
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December 17th- What We Have
Universe: Canon (Divergent-Dark) Rating: T (Teen and Up) Mentions of sexy/ death related stuff. Kind of fluffy this time though. Length: 1750 Words
Sequel to All We Have because I can never leave anything angsty alone.
There are moments when, When I know it and The world revolves around us, And we're keeping it, Keep it all going, This delicate balance, Vulnerable all knowing -Straylight Run (Existentialism on Prom Night)
           The great sickness took her husband from her the next Spring, and the castle’s gates, once again, were closed. No one knew why people were getting sick, but it was deadly, and once the Prince Consort passed, Elsa’s commands to her sister were unquestionable.
           And so, dressed in black, Anna, along with a pair of guards, and a wagon of goods, accompanied her child to the mountains. Elsa had planned it all, Anna and her son, more vulnerable to illness than she was, would stay in the royal family’s cabin in the mountains. It was a rather comfortable small building where they would sometimes have family outings in their youth. The change of scenery, Anna had to admit, was pleasant, and as she clutched her son to her, she took comfort in the thought that she would be, at least for some small time, be alone with her son.
           Undoubtedly, after an appropriate mourning period, they would expect her to marry again, but with any luck she would be able to avoid it for at least a year, and in that time, she could breathe. Her whole life was, as it always was, laid out right in front of her in the most painful way possible. Elsa could only help her avoid so much of it.
           Anna’s fingers combed through her son’s hair, ruffling it gently as he pointed and called out the names of trees to his Mama. He certainly was his father’s son, and she wondered how it was that he was learning the forest so quickly. She didn’t believe herself quite so capable a teacher to justify him knowing so much so young. She kissed his little head when they reigned to a stop, and as they dismounted the staff of their home quickly emerged to begin bringing things within.
                                                           ***
           Anna allowed a maid to take her little boy off for a washing, and Anna decided, with only some semblance of a heavy heart, to dismiss all but three of the total staff. Most had come with them from the city and Anna wanted to minimize the risk of contamination for her son. She, herself, had already been cleared by the palace doctors, and while none of the others seemed to have signs of illness, she wished to be better safe than sorry. The cook, the maid in which she had entrusted her son, and Kai, who Elsa had insisted upon, were all that Anna felt she needed, even deciding to rid herself of the guards. No one would attack her, of that much she was certain.
           A hand pressed over her mouth as she turned a corner proved otherwise, and she nearly kicked her heel back, if it hadn’t been for the lips she felt press to her neck, as her body, tight to her “attacker’s” were moved together into a dark alcove.
           The hand was removed from her mouth as soon as they were safely tucked away, and Anna practically cried as she whispered a name without turning, “Kristoff.”
           And she felt his arms move to her waist as he pressed another kiss to her neck. It made no sense to her, but it was him. She could feel it in the way he held her. Her body had his memorized, and she melted into his hold with a sigh.
           “Black isn’t your color Anna.”
           She sighed and let out a laugh. She hadn’t laughed at anyone or anything other than her son in so long that it made her chest ache. His voice was soft, comforting as she turned around in his hold to press herself to him, front to front.
           “I wish I could say something witty in return,” she said, looking him up and down, “But you know I’ve always loved you with a beard.”
           He smiled at her. He looked a little older, as she did. Years of separation had done it to both of them. Years of not laughing, years of having their hearts broken, but now, even if only for a moment they were together.
           Her hand went up to brush against his beard, but his hand caught it first, bringing it instead to his lips for a kiss.
           “Before you ask,” he said gently, “I know what’s going on. Your sister’s been in touch for years. That’s why I’m here.”
           “What do you mean you… Elsa’s been talking to you?”
           He pulled her out of the alcove, back into the light, “Yes, and if you’d like I’m here to take you home… to my home… Not just you of course. My son too.”
           Anna blushed red, looking at him in the light, his brown eyes still full of the same comforting affection that they had been nearly five years before when she’d seen him last. He had always believed that things would work out for them. He’d always known exactly how to help, when to wait, and when to give in to her. Now, it seemed, was no different.
           “Kristoff,” she whispered, “You know…? Oh God. I wanted to tell you but it’s… it’s been five years, and the things I’ve done… how could you still want?”
           Tears bubbled from the corners of her eyes, “How could you still want me after everything I’ve done, after everything I couldn’t tell you?”
           He hushed her softly, drawing her into his arms, “Because I’ve loved you every moment, and I know that you’ve missed me too. Elsa, for everything she put you through, and as mad as I am with her and the whole damn thing…” he sighed, reigning himself in, “she’s been letting me know what’s been going on. She couldn’t let you know about me because she was afraid someone else would find out. Evidently, it’s easier to get information out than it is to get it in, and she planned this. Not the sickness, but she’s been waiting on an excuse to get you out of the city without him for a long time. And I guess I should say that I’m sorry about your husband…”
           “Don’t be,” Anna said, beginning to understand, “Don’t ever be. So, we leave here, and?”
           “And the rumor gets out that you both passed due to illness, and we don’t have to raise our son in a city where politics is put before love.”
           “It sounds…”
           “Messy?” he asked with a frown.
           “Wonderful,” Anna interrupted, with a sigh that came out choked and accompanied by tears. At twenty-four she was far too young to have a son, to be a widow, and to realize that the true love that was stolen from her was now possible. It should have crushed her soul, but it didn’t. There were strong arms wrapped around her, her feistiness and his love keeping her together when she should have fallen apart.
           “The guards, the whole staff is in on it,” he said, “We can leave as soon as you’re ready.”
           “I can’t believe this is…”
           “I know,” he said with a sigh, “trust me Anna, I know. Five years of being able to sit outside those gates without seeing you, and now…” he kissed her, “I hope I’m not being too forward, and I probably should have asked you instead of stealing you away, but I couldn’t help myself. Anna, is this what you want?”
           “Of course this is what I want!” she said without hesitation, “How could I ever want anything but this?”
           She whispered then, cupping her hands around his face, “A family is all either of us ever wanted. Kristoff, I never stopped loving you… at night alone in my bed I’d dream about it… that night we spent together, it and everything we wished could have come after. I wanted Christian to know you so badly…”
           “Christian,” Kristoff breathed.
           “You didn’t…” Anna trailed off.
           “No,” he said, a smile forming on his lips as tears pooled in the corners of his eyes, “No, Elsa could never mention either of you by name… she’d send very cryptic messages… always ‘your wife’ and ‘your son’ signed ‘sister in law’ sent as if it were from a maid. It took me a long time to understand, but they always found their way to me, and she always tried to help… I saw you once, both of you with him just after he was born. I knew he was mine then, the way you looked at him, I knew.”
           “I named him for you,” she said, confirming his suspicions, “I wanted to name him Christopher, but Elsa said it was too obvious… I just wanted people to call him Chris when he grew up, like I used to call you.”
           “Christian,” he said again, “Christian Bjorgman.”
           “He goes by Arendelle right now,” Anna said softly, “I insisted because I outranked him… I just couldn’t stand the thought of him having his name on our boy… but Bjorgman is the name I always wanted for him, for us.”
           He kissed her again then, and Anna felt five years younger. Every touch starved nerve in her skin fired at once, making her a confused mess, unsure of whether the correct response was to moan or cry. She thought that maybe, she’d have plenty of time for both.
                                                          ***
           Their life was a simple one, and Christian was young enough that when things changed for him he didn’t put up much of a fuss. He was smart for four, and he questioned why they were moving again. Taking Anna’s answer of being happier there was enough to please him, and he pleased Kristoff in return with his understanding of trees that grew around their new, even smaller cabin home.
          He was a wise little boy, quick to study the world around him and happy to learn new things. So it was only somewhat shocking to the pair that he took no time to adjust to the fact that the man before him was his father. It was as if he had already known.
           Anna’s first husband had never really cared for the boy, whether he had suspected that he wasn’t his, or simply wasn’t interested enough in people he couldn’t use didn’t particularly matter to Anna. He had never been his father, and he felt like something of a distant memory that floated into her mind on occasion and filled her with displeasure. It was like remembering a nightmare, only to have it fade away.
          She was busy making tea as her husband, only recently married to her, held their son on his lap. As it was most evenings, he was busy reading Christian stories about forest creatures and faeries that could be kind and cruel.
           “Papa,” he called, making Anna’s heart melt, “Will you read to Mama too?”
           And Kristoff chuckled, “Your Mama might like to read to us instead I think.”
           And Anna smiled, feeling as if their tiny home might be the center of the universe. She certainly felt whole there, a letter from her sister crammed into the pocket of her simple dress.
          My Kingdom for true love.
          It felt like a fair trade.
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