#but no one really insults me with words made for vitriolic 10 year olds so im assuming people got really bent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rootfauna · 6 years

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A Handmaiden’s Tale. Specifically, Mine.

I’e been debating on whether or not to make this post for a while now, and I’ve decided that the benefits of saying my piece outweigh any hate I’ll get for this. It’s really long but I have no more fucks to give.

I am so, so, sick of the trend in radical feminism of calling women who aren’t radical feminists “cocksuckers” “wastes of time” “dick riders” “sellouts” “cowards” and “handmaidens”. Anti feminist women and liberal feminist women can be incredibly annoying and have made me want to put my head through a wall, and I honestly can’t blame anyone for making a snide remark about them here or there. But I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around the fact that a group of women who supposedly A) understands the misogyny of using a woman’s (real of hypothetical) sexual interactions with a man as an insult against her, B) acknowledges the realities of female socialization in a patriarchal society and C) understands the potential dangerous outcomes of a woman speaking up against misogyny, can go around unabashedly talking about women this way. Every time I scroll through my dash I’ll come across at least one post lamenting how young girls are indoctrinated into believing their worth lies in their beauty, femininity, and (hetero)sexuality. Why then, do I see so much vitriol directed at the ones who believed it?

The last time I spoke about this I was accused of ‘making it all about myself’ because I shared a snippet of my personal experience. Well, I’m about to share more than a snippet. Yet this isn’t about me, and I will be the first one to tell you that I am nowhere near unique in this sense. So I guess this is actually the experience of thousands and thousands of women, this is just how it happened to me:

To start with, y’all need to understand where I grew up. If the ‘y’all’ wasn’t a big enough clue, I grew up in bumfuck nowhere USA. Here’s another fact that’s vital to my story: I was born in 1991. That fact, coupled with my geographic location, meant that when I started school in 1996, corporal punishment was still legal (to be carried out by the principal) and up until around that time my mother could still legally sign documents as “mrs” *insert my father’s name*.

Growing up in this environment meant that gender roles were highly enforced around me and that at an early age I saw deviance from them met with hatred and scorn. I could name plenty of examples, but really, haven’t we all seen that? Even the respectable women who dared not be housewives never rose to a more prominent position than a teacher, bank clerk, or selling Mary Kay. Before the age of about 10 I have absolutely no memory of seeing a woman in a position of skill and power beyond these things except for Terry Irwin on tv. It might be noted that I grew up wanting to be a zookeeper. I don’t remember the first time I heard the word “feminist” but from my earliest recollection it was not a good word. Then, as today in my neck of the woods, “feminist” is an insult. I can remember sitting in the back seat of the car listening to my father and his friend ranting about something they heard on the radio about how “the feminists” (word spat out like tobacco juice) were ruining something or other. It was clear to me that whatever these feminists were, they were bad.

Things really kicked into gear once I got into middle school. What had been a vague concept in the back of my mind was now pulled to the front of the classroom. I distinctly remember sitting in 7th grade biology and learning about the inherent differences between male and female brains. The teacher explained how our brains were wired differently, and that male brains were designed so that logical and analytical thought came naturally to them, but expressing emotion and communicating did not. This, the teacher said, is why men often erupt into fits of anger rather than say how they feel. On the other hand, female brains were designed to have ease of communication, and to be more aware of our own emotions and those of others. They were not designed for quick, logical, rational thinking. Don’t get me wrong; it was never taught to me that women were incapable of logical, rational, thinking, just that we were biologically at a disadvantage to men in that regard. I tried (like other girls in the class) to have some pride in my lady-brain. I’m wired to be better at something than a boy! Ha! Though it was around this time I began to shift my focus away from scientific pursuits and towards the arts. 7th grade was also the beginning of outright public sexual harassment that no adult seemed to give a shit about. There was “thong Thursday”, for example. We 12-13 year old girls were encouraged by the boys to wear thongs and lean over so that they could see the tops of them, or to wear our jeans low enough for them to peek over. This happened openly in the halls, but never once addressed by the adults. And woe to any girl who spoke out about it. That much feared “feminist!” accusation could be hurled at her, and she’d be publicly humiliated and mocked, and no one would dare help her lest they be feminist by association. There was also ‘grab-ass Wednesday’ which makes absolutely no sense but is exactly what you’re thinking.

The official school lesson on male and female brains resurfaced again, this time in 10th grade sociology class. This time in addition to the physical differences in the brains, we learned about inherent differences in behavior and societal roles. It was honestly something taken straight from some MRA’s drivel; men evolved to be the Strong Hunter Protector of the species, brain different, this why big words make man ANGRY he hit you because his brain can’t make his mouth talk feelings he want to BREED. Woman want BABY lots of emotions need man to protec blah blah blah. To us at this point, all of this was objective fact. Also at this point, the effects and impact of female socialization were starting to become disgustingly apparent. Around this time the security officer at the school was fired for ‘having sex’ with a fourteen year old freshman. It was so SCANDALOUS because...what a SLUT! It would not occur to me until YEARS later that maybe sex between a 14 year old girl and the adult male security officer hired to protect her was...uh, rape. As high school continued, so did the development of our female anti-feminism. I’ve seen radfems on here discuss how men are socialized to think that their thoughts and emotions are objective fact, but I’ve never seen it pointed out that women are socialized to believe so, too. As interactions with boys became more frequent their attention became more and more prized. When a boy said “you’re beautiful” or “you’re not like the other girls” or “you’re smart” it was seen as a pure and shining compliment, a shining nugget of truth. If a girl said the same thing? You never knew, she could just be two-faced, she would change her mind in a matter of seconds, or just be on her period. Of course, we began to strive to receive more compliments from boys because what teenager DOESN’T want to be respected and valued by their peers?

By the end of high school several of my peers were married and/or had a baby already. I had intended to go to school for journalism, but in a sudden fit of either teenage rebellion or wisdom, I took the plunge into working with animals. This saw me moving about a thousand miles away from my home town, my parents, friends, and all forms of social support. As it turns out, animal training and handling, particularly dog training and handling, is an incredibly male dominated field. Even compared to my previous life experience, it was extremely misogynistic. I found myself working long shifts at night, often with only male coworkers who were near universally older, larger, and stronger than I was. Here, I was expected to laugh it off when one of them said that if the world were about to end, the first thing he’d do was rape me. Or when my boss joked about raping me. Or when one of them (more or less out of nowhere) said that he didn’t think there would ever be a female president because “when I think “president” I think “man””. I did what I was supposed to do and took some satisfaction in their approval despite my first, suppressed, twinge of discomfort. In a strange city, in a strange area of the country, sleeping during the day and working long hours, I had little elsewhere to look for friendship and social interaction. So I made friends. Long night shifts with no one else to talk to and little else to do will do that to people. Of course, I wasn’t the ONLY woman at my place of work. I was friendly with the other women but the lifelong effects of being socialized to view women as inferior kept any of us from growing too close to each other. After all, despite growing up elsewhere they had similar upbringings. When they weren’t present the men openly chatted about who they thought the woman had slept with, how smelly her vagina must be, what her nipples probably looked like, and I held my tongue still under the delusion that if I was Good and Not Like the Other Girls, they wouldn’t speak like that about me behind my back. Feminism was only mentioned to mock women, or, more importantly, to bring up how the the country was sexist against men. The men lamented about how “in this country a man can’t be raped I guess” and “female special privileges” and “the DRAFT” and I believed them, because I didn’t have much of a reason or incentive not to. Women were viewed and treated as walking cries of rape unless they laughed when groped.

I called one of these male friends one night, in tears. My kitten, a tiny little thing named Ginkgo, had escaped from my apartment and I pleaded with him to help me search for her. He came over and we searched in vain for her. I was heartbroken, sobbing, and desperate for comfort and when the hug I was given became lustful I tried to refuse. He argued that I had woken him up in the middle of the night to come all the way to my home to look for a lost kitten; I owed it to him. That it wasn’t fair for me to refuse him and that it was selfish of me to expect compassion and company for nothing in return. And at that time in my life, I believed him. It was only fair. Afterwards, alone in my apartment, I was confronted with the reality that the only reason anyone would ever show me compassion, love, or kindness was because I was female and therefore potential sex. At the time, I was beginning to realize I was asexual (though it would be many years before I had a word for it). It was like I had been shown that my worth, my worthiness of love and life, and all my achievements were housed in my sensuality and sexuality. And I didn’t posses either. Dark times, I tell ya. Of course, there was no chance of me seeking sympathy from any female friends or acquaintances for what took place. Years later when a man in a bar shoved his finger inside me and I smashed a beer mug over his head I was berated by my female companions for overreacting and ruining the night. Further blows to any sense of being anything other than “woman” came in the form, ironically, of my achievements. I excelled at dog handling, particularly scent detection and received many an award for it, each time being told by my male peers that the only reason I received it was because I was a woman. I took my awards with a pinch of shame, believing I had taken it from a more deserving man.

It was around this time I first dipped my toes in the shallow end of feminism. I got a Tumblr! I was about 23. The internet wasn’t too big a thing when I was growing up and I got my first social media account when I was 17, the year I moved out. Until I logged onto the blue hell site, I didn’t use the internet outside of facebook (with only my irl friends there to form an echo chamber) and looking up definitions of words. Now, for the first time, I discovered that feminism wasn’t taboo everywhere. Fascinating! Of course, the “feminism” I found was pretty much identical to the patriarchal world I lived in, just with more lipstick. But it was a step. Secret radfem blog? Shit, I had a secret libfem blog and was still terrified of being found out by people I knew. I had good reason, too. When I tried to, very tentatively, voice some opinions that were not male-approved, I was met with swift and immediate backlash. I mentioned to a male coworker that I didn’t want children, which ended with him screaming at me to go out and have a hysterectomy right now if I really didn’t want any because I was being stupid and of course I wasn’t serious otherwise I’d just rip my uterus out. Or when I voiced concern over that one politician that said women should be forced to deliver stillbirths naturally because that’s what happened on his farm and was publicly berated for being a crybaby and a little girl, freaking out over ‘one weird fluke’. Still, I grew more and more interested in feminism. I spent a year deeeep in the libbiest-of libfem glitter-choked hells until one fateful day: I saw a study that proved there was no such thing as brainsex.

My entire perception of reality was irreparably shattered. Over the course of a few days, I was forced to realize that I had been lied to my entire life. I had been lied to by my teachers and the adults in my life as a kid, I was forced to realize how deeply sexist and inappropriate the boys at schools were being, that I was taught in school to excuse male violence as not their fault, that no one ever owed anyone sex, that what my coworkers and ‘friends’ were saying was blatantly false and not ok, that I was just as capable of pursuing a scientific field as a man, to realize just how much the most important people in my life really hated me. And I was forced to confront the fact that I had backed myself into a corner, cut off any escape routes, and that I relied on the acceptance of these men for my safety and job security. That made the next few years......uncomfortable. And yet, bit by bit, little by little, I’ve pulled myself away from that world and set up a new life for myself. I’ve said goodbye to a lot of people. I’ve hurt a lot. I’ve cringed a lot. The antifeminist keyboard smashing seen on radfem posts is something I could have (and probably would have) typed myself back then, safe in the conviction that I was right.

“No one held a gun to your head and forced you to be an antifeminist” I’ve been told. That’s true, I guess. At nine, after riding my bike to the one small library in town I could have checked out a book by Dworkin (whom I’d never heard of) from the feminist section (which may or may not have existed) instead of Animorphs. I could have walked around shouting “hey, anyone want to be a feminist so I can see how it’s done?” to try and find someone to look up to. I could have, upon getting internet in my late teens, immediately googled “how to be a feminist”, but I didn’t so my bad. Certainly there were girls who grew up in similar circumstances who were always feminists, and certainly there are women who grew up with outlets for feminism that are antifeminist, but I feel my story is a much more common one and in the end at least I made it. I think most radfems have had a libfem phase and I think most of us would cringe at it, but in so many ways I’m grateful for it. Not only did it introduce me to the movement that would change my life, but it was inviting and welcoming. I cannot, and DO NOT want to imagine what would have happened if, seeking to find voice for my discomfort, I had come across radical feminism first and saw the words that were beginning to cut so deeply echoed by the women who claimed to be for women. Cocksucker. Waste of time. Stupid. Coward. Being told I ‘lapped it all up’. The thought of it really makes me uncomfortable, and I think the only message it all would have sent was “Your entire world is against you and hates you but also you wanted it and it’s your fault.”.

I see radfems speak often about non western women and how they face and view sexism. It’s quite universally accepted that non western women are acutely aware of biological sex and wouldn’t stand for this gemgender floridesexual nonsense and that’s lauded as a sort of....kinship I guess. When I see radfems speak about non western women in this way, I feel they have a sense of kinship with them, like they’re one of the radfem crowd. I wonder, however, what the women who grew up and lived in those environments would really think about everything radical feminism stands for? Surely some would agree completely, but how often do you see women in these situations agree that rape is sometimes (or always) the girl’s fault? Or that women should not be educated? Are they still our sisters, or cock sucking cowards? And is the extension of sisterhood dependent on their hypothetical ability to, if they hold these beliefs, listen to what feminists have to say and change their minds to agree? Let’s say the woman in your gifsets is presented with these resources and never changes her mind. What then? Even still I've seen it said that anti feminist women will never change so there’s no point in trying. I see libfems pointing to non western cultures with ‘other’ genders and saying ‘see? see? THEY agree with me! They’d agree with liberal feminism!’ and I see radfems pointing to non western women and saying ‘see? see? THEY agree with me! They’d agree with radical feminism!’ and I can’t help but see these cultures and women within them being pressed into an ideal of one argument or the other purely for internet posturing.

I’m very disheartened to see the movement which once seemed so academic and helpful to me seeming to become a ‘cool girls’ club. Sisterhood, compassion, and help, but only for women who think the way we do. Others are there to be mocked. It’s eerily similar to the way we laughed at the ‘other’ girls in high school, completely full of ourselves and thinking we were so much better.

When I think of anti feminist women, I see the little girl being told men were prone to violence instead of talking because that’s how they were built, I see the girl being called a whore for being raped by someone she was told to trust, and I see the women pitted against each other, who have never had a feminist role model, and the girls who harbor a strange feeling of discontent and isolation they can’t articulate. I don’t see wastes of time.

If you’re still reading, thank you.

#hooooooboy #that was long

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phgq · 3 years

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Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor

#PHnews: Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor

DAVAO CITY – If there's one thing positive about surviving the coronavirus disease (Covid-19) other than being alive, it is the renewed faith in God and in our fellowmen. This, according to Dean Ortiz, the spokesperson of the Department of Public Works and Highways in Region 11 (DPWH-11) who, until his positive test result for Covid-19 on Oct. 27, thought he was "very careful" enough not to contract the dreaded virus. For one, Ortiz heads the DPWH-11 Covid-19 Coordinating Group, ensuring health protocols are practiced across the organization and its linkages. He said nothing was more terrifying when a supposedly good Tuesday morning filled with positive energy was broken by a Viber message with an attached screenshot of a document with his name on it, in a screaming red, all in capital letters: "POSITIVE". “I guess what happened to me was leadership-by-example personified,” Ortiz said, adding that up until he spoke to the Philippine News Agency on Sunday, his exposure had not been traced to any person or group of individuals. “I underwent an RT-PCR test along with some colleagues on October 27. It wasn't really required because I didn't have any symptoms, to begin with. It was more of an act of leadership mixed with a bit of smugness and confidence, as I always thought of myself as the last person on earth to catch the virus,” he recounted. Ortiz said he was "very careful," especially in his line of duty, and especially because he has a family to take care of. Hours after his diagnosis, he was picked up at home by a van with a crew clad in full Covid-19 protective equipment, he said. Leaving his house with a blank thought, Ortiz said he felt weird sitting at the back of an unlit van where he can only hear the occasional thud, the van's engine, and human voices of the faceless crew. “No facial expressions to draw emotions from, as if emotions had a place in the uncertainty I was faced with. The sound of my own heartbeat was very reassuring and I found myself saying a prayer,” he said.

The patient care center where Dabawenyo Dean Ortiz was put in isolation after contracting the coronavirus in late October 2020. He describes the area as as a well-lit facility, albeit the surroundings were pitch-black. (Photo from Dean Ortiz's Facebook Page)

Filled with fear, he entered a patient care center that he described as a well-lit facility "but everything around was pitch-black." He said the scene was straight out of a post-apocalyptic movie—dark, cold, terrifying, surreal. “I declared that this was where God wanted me to be, where I will get the help I need, recover, and do some introspection. Whether I like it or not, I am no longer my old self. This experience has changed me already and I intend to come out of it bent in places, but definitely not broken,” Ortiz said. Hope, resentment As soon as he told everyone the news, he said he received a string of calls, social media posts, and private messages that were encouraging and sympathetic. “Some told me to stay strong, to leave everything to God, and not lose hope. Others were not so kind, their words full of resentment, blame, just a tad short of "good riddance." I felt violated and weighed down by insults,” Ortiz shared. In his line of work, however, Ortiz said he learned to be patient and tune out negative things. “I’m used to being called a lot of things. Name it, I've heard it. In from one ear, out from the other side. But in my delicate state, I couldn't help taking offense at the vitriol that was being thrown at me from all sides,” he admitted. "People aren’t crazy enough to get the disease intentionally. I remember my boss saying: Who wants to get it in the first place? His wisdom lingered in my mind through the whole ordeal, he added. Coping up with newfound friends Despite being feeling helpless, Ortiz tried to call people whom he said he never thought that he would ask moral support from. And to his surprise, he said he received no judgment from them. “They reached out to me with genuine compassion and concern and offered to help in any way they could. I had their support and it felt like a huge load was taken off my shoulders. When you're in distress and at your lowest, these small gestures make a world of difference,” he said. He recalled that his first day in the facility was a thrill as the sun was up and he felt cheerful. He checked his surroundings and saw the wide and airy open spaces perfect for jogging, good landscaping, and a perfect spot for plane-spotting. He also tried to make friends with his co-patients, whom he described as “positive with Covid-19 but at the same time positive that they will all get through of it somehow.” “We shared stories of what happened to each of us and how we got there. In the end, we shared one story – discrimination. The hardest part perhaps of being infected is the fact that too many people know too much about the disease yet choose to be uneducated, even ignorant, on how they treat people who have the dreaded disease,” Ortiz added. Coming from different walks of life, he said they all found friendships and saw themselves equal inside the patient care center. “I know these guys won’t forget me for giving them a bottle of ice-cold Coke once in a while, a welcome treat given the circumstances. Good thing I have a good set of friends and relatives who never turned their back on me when I asked for help, as my family back home was under strict quarantine and were forbidden to get out,” he said. Modern-day heroes Ortiz said the doctors, nurses, and their support staff were attentive to their patients as they can be seen coming around the facility three to four times daily to serve their meals, check their vital signs, and clean their rooms. “We may not see their covered faces, but their big hearts showed through and shone like sunlight. I wish I could do more than thank them profusely for their sacrifices, knowing that they too have families and loved one’s back home. Yet, they were there for us, egging us on to beat this disease and easing our suffering while they themselves suffer,” he added. With that realization, he said he lost all reason to complain. "It goes without saying that, during this pandemic and when this is all over, let’s honor their selfless contribution to our country," he said. Along with his “co-positives”, he said they were blessed to have hot meals sent to their rooms every night, and the food served by the city government was not hospital food but that the meals were well-planned, flavorful, nutritious, and satisfying, making his confinement much more bearable.

Dabawenyo Dean Ortiz (extreme left) and his 'co-positive' friends who tested negative for coronavirus disease, shows the clearance proving that they are all virus-free. (Photo from Dean Ortiz's Facebook page)

“I could only imagine how much the city government spends daily on people in isolation and in hospitals. So don't talk to me about how a minor flaw in the Davao QR system and the minor inconveniences make you curse the city government to high heavens. Who are we to judge? Wake me up when you find a perfect government,” Ortiz pointed out. Renewed faith On November 5, Ortiz was released from isolation after testing negative for the virus. He thanked everyone who helped him get through the toughest eight days of his life. Under the new protocols, Ortiz and his new-found friends inside the patient care center were required to spend 10 days in isolation, counting from the day they underwent the swab test. “Looking back at the experience made me renew my faith in God for giving me another chance to savor the greatest gift I could ever ask for -- my wife and two kids, my 80-year-old mom, my sister, and our working student all testing negative for the virus. Not even the news of a Spice Girls reunion or a Coldplay concert in Davao City could ever match that. God indeed is the greatest,” Ortiz said. He also said that his experience gave him a reason to believe that being (Covid-19) positive ends when positivity begins, and when one allows hope to prevail amidst all the negativity. “Allowing other people's baggage to weigh you down would not help the process of healing from the disease and the stigma that comes with it. Revenge is tempting but a big waste of time. Karma is now digital, so they say,” Ortiz said. (PNA)

***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1121158 (accessed November 11, 2020 at 07:05AM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1121158 (archived).

#Philippines #News #Filipino #Pinoy #Tourism #Politics #Culture #Editorial #Environment #Society #History

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amusingmillennial · 6 years

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The Collective Conscious

Disclaimer: I’m going to ask a lot of questions in the following paragraphs. These questions are rhetorical. They are a call-out to every comment section, coffee shop, police station, and living room couch where seemingly meaningless banter has perpetuated one of the oldest and most destructive narratives surrounding violence against women. If you find yourself feeling personally attacked by my critique of certain behaviors and attitudes, odds are you’ve contributed to that narrative.

Part I: The Collective Commentary

Think about the last time you read about a high-profile sexual harassment or assault case. Ponder the public commentary that followed. What were your initial thoughts? What did your colleagues, friends and family have to say? Keep those conversations in mind moving forward.

A few weeks ago, actress Amber Tamblyn came forward with her experience being propositioned at the ripe age of 16 by a much-older James Woods. When she told him her age, his response was, “Even better” (… Ew.). If you’ve managed to avoid this particular conversation, it started when fellow actor Armie Hammer called out Woods’ hypocrisy after he insulted the premise of Hammer’s new movie, which focuses on a love story between a 17-year-old and a 24-year-old. This is relevant considering Woods has openly dated multiple women that are 40+ years younger than him. Tamblyn drew upon her own experience with Woods to reiterate that he has not only dated women below the legal drinking age while he was in his 60’s but he has knowingly attempted to start some sort of sexual relationship with at least one 16-year-old, leaving him with no leg to stand on in this particular argument.

Considering the spectrum of scandal we read about on a regular basis, this would seem pretty innocuous (albeit creepy and potentially illegal). Tamblyn spoke briefly about her own experience in a 140-character tweet. Pretty black and white, right? Wrong. Keep in mind; this isn’t even a case of sexual assault. It was a short conversation that happened 20 years ago and they never spoke again. However, the mere implications of a woman speaking up about the predatory behavior exhibited by a successful man are enough to put the public on the defensive. Cue the onslaught of insults and doubts hurled at Tamblyn by complete strangers. At first, I dismissed this as more of the same old “but… but… she has no proof! How do we know she’s not lying?” bullshit but I couldn’t bring myself to. That bullshit is more than just bullshit. It’s a symptom of a much larger problem.

For argument’s sake, let’s pretend the approach exhibited above is a rational way to react to a sexual assault allegation. If we’re going to abide by the “she might be making it up so we won’t decide on his guilt or innocence just yet” trope, let’s take a look at the numbers. Statistically, the probability of someone filing a false report of sexual assault is minimal. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, only 2-10% of reports are false. This means that for every sexual assault reported, there’s a 90-98% chance the accuser is telling the truth. Knowing that, are you still willing to call upon the very slim chance that she’s not telling the truth as justification for your hesitance? Mere validation of her experience requires the absolute bare minimum that could be asked of you. Yet you’re hesitant to even do that.

Why are we so weary to believe a woman who comes forward with claims of sexual assault or harassment? Why is it so much easier for us to believe that women are overly-emotional henchmen hell-bent on wreaking havoc on their male counterparts in exchange for attention, wealth, power, or recognition? How did this perception of women as vengeful, spiteful creatures become so deeply ingrained in our collective psyche?

Why is it so much easier to believe that than it is to believe that some people are just shitty? Why can’t we accept that some men get validation from imposing their misogyny on women? How many times do we have to learn that sometimes people do awful things with no reason or explanation? How many more women do we have to cast in the shadow of doubt before we start taking them seriously?

There was a time when I bought into this same line of thinking. Even as a woman, I was constantly looking for holes in the stories of victims, trying to discredit them without justification. I judged their path of action or inaction based on what I was sure I would have done in that same situation. Looking back, it was as if I thought negating their experiences would save me the discomfort of being forced to acknowledge the reality: Anyone can be a rapist and anyone can become a victim. Depravity does not discriminate.

Acknowledging my misguided and regressive views is both nauseating and liberating. Owning up to my ignorance has freed me from the shackles of prejudice, discrimination, and cultural fallacies. The only way things will get better is if we, as a society, do the same.

Part II: Collective Questions

When it comes to sexual assault, justice is a privilege afforded to few. The very least we can do as a culture is stop treating victims like criminals. We make them prove their pain is warranted before we’ll even acknowledge it. Why do we feel entitled to validating or dismissing someone’s experiences? Why do we have to first feel “convinced” before we believe a victim?

I’ll never forget hearing these words from someone I love dearly days after my own assault: “I don’t understand why he just let you go.” He didn’t come out and say, “I don’t believe you” or “I can’t decide whether or not to believe you.” But the message was clear. He couldn’t make sense of my experience so he couldn’t come to terms with its validity. That’s the problem. Not everything makes sense. My experience doesn’t have to make sense to you in order for it to be deserving of acknowledgement and validation.

Sexual assault is a paradox wrapped in misunderstanding and drenched in stigma. Let’s tackle some of the most common arguments/questions/statements made after someone (especially a public figure) is involved in a sexual assault allegation:

1. “A rape allegation could ruin his life/career so I don’t want to jump to conclusions.”

This argument affords the rapist the same decency you’re denying the victim. There’s always a hint of “I don’t quite believe it” when this is said. You don’t want to jump to conclusions about his guilt but you’re willing to jump to conclusions about the victim’s truthfulness and possible motivations? If we’re all so worried about ruining a man’s life after being accused of sexual assault, why don’t we care even a fraction as much about ruining the lives of victims by calling their integrity into question?

Also, let’s not forget that rape allegations rarely ruin a man’s life. For crying out loud, our current president has been accused of raping a 13-year-old and sexually harassing countless women. So let’s not pretend that the public cares so much about sexual assault that they won’t look the other way if the rapist is talented enough, rich enough, charming enough, or powerful enough. Think of all the athletes, actors and business moguls who have maintained their jobs and success in spite of such things.

2. “She’s probably just after his money/power/status/etc.”

Anyone who has been through the process of filing a police report will tell you that this is just bullshit, especially if a public figure is involved. There is no amount of money, power or notoriety that will compensate for the humiliation, powerlessness, and helplessness that comes with sexual assault. This begs the question: Why is it easier to believe a woman would allege rape in pursuit of fame and money rather than the pursuit of justice and closure?

3. “She’s doing it for attention.”

This feeds into an age-old trope that is both destructive and sexist. The root of this lies in the idea that women are these fragile, emotional creatures who are just one step away from complete instability.

Not to mention, the kind of attention the public forces upon victims is most certainly not the kind anyone would want. Many victims in the public eye will experience unrelenting and unwarranted character attacks, verbal abuse, and pure vitriol. This all feeds into women’s unwillingness to report sexual assaults and only pours gasoline on the fire that is rape culture in America.

4. “What about (insert details about that one famous case of false allegations)?”

Want to know why that case in particular sticks out in your mind? Because it’s a break from the pattern. If every single sexual assault was reported on, there’d have to be a 24-hour TV channel dedicated just to that. So when you compare the number of false allegations to the truthful ones, this point becomes moot. This is nothing more than a false equivalency fallacy that attempts to take attention away from the terrible nature of sexual assault by pointing out “that one time” it didn’t really happen. It’s like treating every mugging victim like they’re lying just because you heard from your friend’s second cousin that he knows a guy who lied about being mugged once.

Part III: The Collective Changes

Where do we go from here?

1. Acknowledge this for what it is: a vicious cycle we need to break free from.

2. Start analyzing our reactions to hearing about assault or harassment. Stop listening to that voice in your head telling you to question the credibility of the victim. Remind yourself that there’s an overwhelmingly strong chance she’s telling the truth and leave it at that.

3. Stop putting the feelings and well-being of the accused above the accuser. This person has very, very likely been through something incredibly traumatic and that deserves to be acknowledged.

4. Sexual assault doesn’t belong in the Court of Public Opinion. Put the gavel down and step away from the TV. From birth, we’re involved in this narrative (often unknowingly) that sculpts our thought process surrounding sexual violence. We’re constantly lambasted with critiques of rape victims and their accusations, some subtler than others. Many of us buy into this narrative, only to be shaken awake when we (or someone we love) become a victim ourselves. This backwards belief system is so deeply engrained in our collective conscious that more than 60% of victims will never report their assaults out of fear of being on the receiving end of all the doubt, ignorance and cognitive dissonance that accompanies reporting and talking about sexual assault.

5. If you’re one of those people who feel entitled to impose their opinion on everyone via online comment sections, just don’t. Fight that urge. You don’t need to explain why her story doesn’t make sense and you certainly don’t need to call her names. You don’t need to analyze the situation as if it were your own. If you don’t understand it, that’s okay. It’s not for you to understand. Humans are flawed, messy, unpredictable creatures. That’s why crimes like rape even exist. So stop trying to make sense of the senseless. Caring about others is more important than being right or wrong.

6. If you truly feel compelled to speak about it in any sort of public forum, only do so to offer support. There’s enough harmful rhetoric floating around the public domain and you don’t need to add to it. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

7. You don’t have to believe or disbelieve every sexual assault allegation you hear or read about. Let go of that instinct and do better. If it’s a loved one, listen to them. Love them. Ask them how they’re doing. Ask them what you can do to help. If it’s a well-known public case, don’t involve yourself in destructive discussions that attempt to discredit the accuser. Again, you don’t have to believe or disbelieve. Just acknowledge it and try to learn from it.

With so many platforms for voicing our opinions, words matter now more than ever. But it’s not just the deep dark corners of the Internet that hurt us. Our children absorb every ounce of this commentary. It’s about what we say and what we mean. It’s about the words we use and the tone in which we say them. It’s breathing life into the archaic idea that we can pass judgment on people we don’t know and experiences we didn’t have. We have to do better.

#metoo #commentary #social commentary

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eekispyykes · 7 years

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Casting July 3rd's Shadow Over a republican #Sadoxenophilia

by Michael Bench

Racism will remain a problem in the character of republicans and conservatives so long as they're enabled/tolerated to title their periodicals with terms like “National Review”. Conservative's racism is defended by columnists like Mona Charen “The Myth of Republican Racism”, invented terms like reverse racism, and toddlerish dialog insinuating “ there's racism among democrats too”. The typical response for criticism of the republican party is “both parties are at fault”, “problems are on both sides”,” they do it too”.. Madlib responses in that the actual allegation is of no concern to recipient. Charen calls republican racism “ a myth” in that by the behavior having a label, its isolated as behaving incorrectly. The strategy of groups like National Center for Law and Policy, American Family Association,Weekly Standard and of course the National Review itself is to come off as uber references while playing partisan gimmicks.

Racism isn't the bottom mud of the republican think tank pit. Its actually xenophobia bigotry that rules their hearts. Strategic xenophobia or even #Sadoxenophilia is a reasonable term for the love of hating 'the other' as created tocomfortably group all critics as a single one enemy. The conservative politic has many enemies. Their dementia of coping mechanism is to label each group indistinct of each other as 'Liberals'. If they had a vendetta against Blacks in particular , the next label they would soil would be Ebony. Republicans are racists through their life work of being thoughtless bigots. Actual government business or debate has no interest for them since forming debate would also necessitate knowing facts. Knowing facts isn't fun nor advantageous for the party squealers like Ann Coulter to flourish with her vitriol.

Issues can be traced to their pundits for a particular type of ingredient. The godless liberal as accused by Ann Coulter is a series of three words that can't be ignored for their #Sadoxenophilia. She has identified a group and attempted to redefine it 'godless” despite the popularity of nonchristian religions among nonCaucasian Citizens and non Protestant Caucasians. For the active base looking to react to such vitriol , they've stripped away any other belief system as without credit ; First Amendment or not. If an Atheist were pridefully open about their absence of codependence , they wouldn't be listened to anyway. The republican base is programmed with selective hearing, reactionary anger, and a library of rhetoric that keeps them safe from self defeating debate. The republican base is racist by their inability to think while in defensive crouch against new material they haven't been prepared for. Rush Limbaugh's “grabbing his own ankles' jargon was quite a distaction of antigay anal rape fearmongering. Crouching isn't at all effective if republican's base is simultaneously grabbing their own ankles. Pro rape military sects protected by the conservative wing's poor Department of Defense reporting structure could certainly oblige the posture.

Republican racism is a fact. An alternatively worded fact is “Bigots are readily represented by conservative planks since they are also zionist (jewish puritan supremacists) friendly. Racism might as well be alternately spelled “Rncism”, so it can feel #PWNED. It extends to the creation of stereotypes about any member of any race, religion, or general “Liberals”. The conservatives mudpit of self idolatry has a specific fuel of narcissism. Without narcissism the entire remainder of the party would fall apart..

Moderates of the first deviation now keep it together. The second deviation was allegedly shed in theory but not really. Taboola type campaigns are bought rhetoric and among conservative rhetoric click bait headlines reads “ What did Trump say that has democrats screaming?” “ Liberals are crying about this new republican bill”. The false definitions of the constructed arch nemesis group aren't about informing. Its about insult. Its a critical difference of Liberal and Media criticism of republicans and republican smear of their numerous foes and media critics.

Its about offending and agitating; the immaturity of a 10-14 year old boy. The media naturally enables this type of vitriol because sensationalizing any controversy sells papers. Know that despite columnists having sensibly taken non republican stances for OP-EDs,heading type news reporting is definitely a benefit to republicans. Not that a republican would read op eds anyway. The Base among republicans has a significant population who see their small gov allegiance planks abided with the ease of not reading from the 'blasphemous liberal media”.A blasphemy is a dirty word for Liberals because while its accurate to hold republicans for running their party as a cult, there are too many christians of even lower intelligence that would react with empowering gusto.

Conservatives are a religion of self adoration to themselves. Bigots that are racially jewish and racially caucasian each clutch a torah or old testament to vindicate #Sadoxenophilia. No matter much we believe eradicating hate is a good thing, the stereotypes and politics of race shield needed and deliberate criticism of the obsolete religions fomating these hatreds ,classism and segregation. When we say racism/rncism, we are really talking about classism anyway. A classism that's been made palatable by economic numbers game. Haves and have nots is the same rivalry engineered of republicans gridlocking democrats. Any number of parties below three won't result in Democracy. No contributable alternative facts exist.

The legitimacy and dignity of the united states government and presidential office is being soured, stained by conservatives;not just Trump. Giving states rights arguments debate fuel starts in exploiting a government toward self aggrandizement as a proof of how flimsy it appears. Lately Trumps use of the Press secretary position has been to complain about policy being criticized on a daily basis. That's what happens. Daily press briefings lead to daily criticism. Poor poor Donald and Huckabee Sanders, (take your lumps and quite whining like a bitch)

Personally I see three press briefings a week a sensible limit. That said, there's no reason to turn the cameras off. The rhetoric and actual assault against the reporters has called me to recommend the media arm itself. A republican party not willing to answer for itself and willing to assault has a bullet to eat. Just know that if the shenanigans by Michael Grimm, Aaron Schock, Gianforte are any summary of conservative accord an armed press would be killing criminals in their self defense. A fact no red state pundit can deny.

The conservatives applaud a strong police force while for themselves a lawless bunch of bigots and vainglorious corporate puppets. To call themselves supporters of Democracy isn't simply a lie; its mental illness. An identity a republican would take defensively; Killing Kennedy, Lincoln etc. Take all that they do and say and promote: Nihilism posturing as care for people isn't a safe candidate disposition worth congress or any other appointment.

It seems if republicans identify with the resurface of confederacy , it does infact show the Rebel Flag isn't really about racism. The rebel battle flag as republicans adopted is a sign of genocide for those refusing their demented cultism. Its rank-file favor system polluting congress. Everyone is minority without the money to pay a republican congressmen to hear/gratify them. Before, the aggregate limit at least required a more open ears to varied constituents. Without limits on the aggregate campaign donation amount, now the republican and democrat congressmen aren't required to notice much of the market place of ideas at all.. Congress's truth is a bit late in self identity. Donations don't even matter for their shopping pattern for ideas isn't Bricks and Mortar. Congress has shopped for its own ideas from home quite awhile.

#news #politics #michael bench #racism #bigotry #Donald Trump

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