#but on the plus side- since i decided i would probably transition one day i've been able to see a future for myself

[wild-at-mind]

Talked with some of my friends from [redacted activist group], they are all cis and middle aged or older. We were getting coffee and chatting and someone brought up kids in schools being taught about gender identity. And I was like :S but pretty soon I downgraded to :/ I guess, because it became clear that while all of them didn’t really understand it, they clearly wanted to.

The first thing that kept coming up was a fixation on how many genders there are, I said well, infinite, and one of them said no there are 8, and another was like ‘no, there’s 12′. I said why so specific and one of them said they had seen a list of x many. I was trying to figure out how to explain that the specific number/names for genders people use doesn’t necessarily matter. I think this is harder concept to grasp for outsiders to this world than we realise. I wanted to say that each name for a gender may be used by different people to mean vastly different things, and by the same metric people can invent their own, and a small number of those made their way onto the list, but I was kind of worried it might make things seem more vague and confusing. The whole thing had the same energy as when people google ‘what is the difference between bi and pansexual’ and wanted a solid definite answer when there just isn’t one. But I do sympathise because people like solid answers for things! I know I do. x means this and y means that, that’s awesome! Simple messaging is great but we just don’t have it by design. I’m not really sure what the solution is but empathy for people who come to these ideas in good faith but confusion is important I think. The whole thing came up because one man mentioned that a friend of his had a child who was doing a lesson on gender stuff during lockdown, and because it was home learning his father had seen the some kind of list of genders and been confused by it. I was a bit :S again because it sounded a bit like some right wing idea telephone thing, and we all know how often ‘my friend’ is actually ‘someone online said it’. This is in England and I think there has been a curriculum addition for primary school children about gender identity, which some right wingers who pretend to be feminists are very ‘concerned’ about, so I have no reason to believe it’s an entirely made up boomer facebook meme. The gender identity stuff in these lessons is taught alongside early sex-ed stuff that no one should be obecting to-teaching kids which parts of their bodies are private etc. (Personally, I think it’s great for self esteem to teach kids that their interiority and identity matter from a young age, as someone who only found out their interiority mattered at like 25.) I think it can’t be underestimated how weird and confusing the whole supposed ‘feminists vs trans people culture war’ sounds to outsiders when they go in with no knowledge. It’s not as clear cut right and wrong as people within it seem to think. Another man said it seemed like the two groups were talking past each other. His wife talked about remembering a time when women’s spaces didn’t exist and had to be fought for, and not as a ‘keeping trans women out’ thing. She didn’t say the last part, that was my added thought. I’m continually thinking about how things that are transphobic dogwhistles now had a completely different context going back only a few decades. And I feel like if we don’t learn the history of our movements, this will all be forgotton. These movements still matter, even if in the present they wouldn’t work. We all exist in the world these movements built. (For the record, I’m not exactly sure what she meant by female only spaces in this context. Presumably not changing rooms or toilets as that would make gender neutral bathrooms some kind of weird regression. It is true that the feminist tactic of consciousness raising was focused on bringing women together, that was probably before her time but maybe she’s referring to something similar.)

Her husband talked about his nephew, who is genderfluid, picketing to have a university professor fired because she did research on sex and gender. (He didn’t say the professor’s name so I can’t look more deeply into what this research actually was, or judge if her approach seemed benign or deliberately in bad faith.) Anyway this guy said ‘I just don’t understand the need to do that-’ and his wife cut in like ‘haha when we were younger we were working to deplatform people for supporting the regime in South Africa!’ and he was like ‘...yeah that’s true. I see so much of myself in [nephew].’ It was sweet. (Also great reminder that deplatforming is not something millenials or gen z invented despite what you might hear.) I said that as I got further into my 30s I was losing the very black and white sense of morality I had in my 20s rapidly. I feel more and more that we need to meet people where they are, unless they are actively malicious or acting in bad faith. I didn’t go too far into my own identity. I’m completely closeted outside of certain circles, and until I come out officially as far as I’m concerned talking about my own gender identity is like talking about my religious belief would be if I had one- too personal for casual conversation. I have no idea how they see me- I imagine as a woman with short hair who never wears anything feminine. It doesn’t bother me currently but maybe it will change if I ever come out. People who are outwardly ok with GNC people can suddenly become all weird with the concept of pronouns changing- I imagine because it asks something from them, however small.

Anyway I don’t know what the point of writing this was, except to try and express that I think maybe some older people who don’t happen to have a trans relative need some gender identity 101 classes- this is completely not facetious. There are many people trying to understand and I wish people in the know would differentiate that more from malicious lack of understanding.

#gender #feminism #lgbtq #gender identity #i know this isn't entirely generational btw i know nonbinary people of the same generation as them #but though i don't know for sure i suspect they didn't come to this realisation when they were young it was further into this 'movement' #that we're having #i'm fascinated btw by the massive wave of nonbinary people who i am told are in schools right now #we'll see what happens and i will be interested to see myself slowly age into being the completely clueless one! #but on the plus side- since i decided i would probably transition one day i've been able to see a future for myself #i used to just not be able to imagine myself getting older

[vploilam]

Dec 55, Dec 18 - Back to Vietnam

- Linda figured out how to use the transit to get to the airport

- total cost was $12.50, instead of $35 using Grab

- very easy to navigate and roomy

- really impressed by all the features in the transit system

- glass walls to prevent jumpers

- lines on the platform floor indicating to let people off the train first and quene to the side

- all the stations are also numbered and in the train it indicates what number station you are at and displays whats next (ex. Currently at EW7, next stop is EW6 where you can transfer to the circle line)

- and indications of which side of the train to disembark

- also the screens show the floor plan of the next station

- Singapore Airport was super easy to check in (basically anytime)

- there was a games area where the kids played VR games and arcade games for free

- when it came time to go through immigration, they had a hard time getting Lynkin's thumb to scan so they had to take him to a special line, it was kind of nerve racking, but in the end they gave him some candy due to the ordeal

- another food court with lots of choices

- there are self ordering monitors that are for the whole food court, then you just look for your number to be called at the stalls

- obviously Layson and Lynkin chose McDonald's and Logan ordered seafood noodles

- we took a Scoot plane and lucked out cause no one sat with Linda and I so she finally got a window seat

- flight was only an hour and a half to go from Singapore to HCM

- The whole time I fretted because they never handed out the immigration declaration forms

- when we landed in zhCMC and proceeded to immigration, they did not care about any forms, they also didn't really check any of our bags

- that's probably why my parents are so use to bringing with them all sorts of food across borders

- since its so busy around the airport we decided just to get in the taxi lineup

- The guy helping people told us it was going to be 400,000 VND, I told him no way because its less than 200,000

- he said well its rush hour so 250,000, I told him we would just use Grab, so he said okay how about 200,000

- we took it cause it's what we expected to pay

- we forgot how crazy traffic is here in HCMC

- also in the photo, you can see the taxi driver covered up the meter (illegal, but expected)

- in the end it would have cost 150,000 on the meter plus he could have charged us for taking an extra person, so I think it was a fair deal

- needless to say my parents were ecstatic to see us

- my dad's eye looks fully healed and he even sounds better

- my mom was showing off her new top teeth

- so for the past 3 weeks she's been going to the dentist

- They filed down 13 of her teeth, made a mould of it, and then, well she has a whole row of new top teeth, and they may be a permanent denture or...

- so I know this sounds crazy, but I think she has a crown for all of her top teeth

- in case you have perfect teeth, let me explain why this is crazy, I've had some crowns, each took about 6-9 months to put in (you have to allow for healing) and it cost close to $20,000 each (and insurance covers about 50%)

- whatever procedure she did, it only cost her $1400

- she also now has an appointment to do her bottom teeth, she says there's only 6 teeth so it will only take 2 days

- I'll try to get a better before and after photo

- The lizard in the washroom also welcomed us back

- all the smells and sounds of downtown HCMC are exactly as I remember

- there are some extra pillows in our room, so now I get one top, woohoo

- Parents took us to have rice and BBQ pork for dinner, each dish cost under $1.50

- ah cheap street meals on plastic stools, I've missed you

- today marks about 2/3 of our trip complete

- below is a map of every place we've stayed at

- in a couple days we will be heading with my parents to explore North Vietnam before heading back home

#2018trip