#cam at least had one good parent so he has an inkling of What To Do

[allthejoeks]

The Person I need(ed) to Be

“Having some trouble?”

Jaune whirled around. It was the dead of night. Everyone should be asleep, and even if they weren't, he still should have been able to hear them move about. Nonetheless, Ren was standing there like he had been there the whole time. Which he might have. Jaune honestly couldn't say that wasn't a possibility.

“Nothing, Ren. Just training,” he replied, brandishing his sword to prove the point.

Ren tilted his head a little. “Forgive me, but I'm not sure I'm aware of the training benefits of screaming in frustration every swing while replaying a video of your dead best friend ad nauseam. Care to explain?”

Jaune sighed. He had never really told anyone the specifics of what had happened that night, but he was tired, both physically and emotionally, and Ren was literally the most trustworthy person he had ever met. He would never bring it up again if Jaune so desired. 

“She was a little more than a best friend towards the end.”

Ren's eyes widened. “So she-”

“Yup,” Jaune replied bitterly. “Then, before I could respond she shoved me into a locker and went to go fight an enemy she couldn't beat.”

“Ah. I see,” Ren remarked quietly.

Jaune turned around. “Ren, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“How long did she… you know.”

“Have a crush on you?”

“Yeah, that.”

Ren hesitated. He knew the answer would make Jaune miserable, but he felt like he deserved the truth more. “As long as I've known her,” Ren admitted.

Jaune scowled and turned back around, stabbing the air with a few powerful jabs. Ren waited for a moment.

“I know, 'there was nothing I could do', but there was! If I had been even just a little more observant, things could have been different. Not 'Oh, hey Pyrrha, how was your day today? What, you're going through a traumatic life-or-death situation? That's nice, anyway, I need your help composing my latest song for Weiss!” he ranted, ending his tirade with an incredibly angry backslice.

“Yes. That's true,” Ren responded. “But you aren't that observant, so none of that happened.”

Jaune sighed and sat down on the ground, head at his knees. “I know,” Jaune muttered. “I know I shouldn't let myself get caught up in all the stuff that I couldn't do, but it just frustrates me. I'm mad because there was so, so much I could have done, maybe not enough to save her, but at least I could have made her happy! I could have taken some of the weight off of her shoulders instead of just adding to it!”

This is what Ren liked about Jaune. Ren had always been bad with words, always a little slow in conversation and maybe a bit too curt, and it always showed, but Jaune always assumed he meant the best. It was probably Jaune's blind optimism at work, sure, but regardless, he always heard what Ren couldn't figure out how to say. Well, most of the time, anyway.

“Granted, you could have taken more off if you had been paying attention, but the same could be said for Nora and I. Everyone could have been better. I know for a fact that, in the end, you were Pyrrha's greatest support.”

“That's not saying much,” Jaune muttered.

“Maybe it isn't,” Ren admitted. “But it will be next time.”

“If there's a next time.”

“There is always a next time, Jaune.”

Jaune noticed that Ren's usually serene voice had a decided strain of non-serenity in it.  “Wanna talk about it?”

Ren sighed. “I'm just tired of losing my home.”

Jaune froze. He had some inklings from previous conversations, but he had never quite heard the full story. “Y'know, I sure could use some practice at listening to people,” Jaune offered.

Ren smiled at that, briefly. The smile fell as he gathered his thoughts. “When I was little,” he began. “The village I grew up in was destroyed overnight. A massive Grimm. In evacuating, I was a little slow, too scared. My mother died and my father was injured when our house collapsed around us. Every time I think about, I can't help but imagine what would happen if I was a little more brave, a little more aware. If I had been, we all probably could have made it out alive.”

“Wow, I had no idea,” Jaune muttered.

“That isn't even the worst of it.”

“What? How could it possibly get any worse?”

“Because, if I did handle that situation perfectly, if my parents lived, Nora probably would have died, crushed under a house because I was never there to be the friend she needed.”

Jaune's jaw dropped.

“Nora and I never would have traveled the countryside ,” Ren continued. “Never would have gone to Beacon, and I, at this moment, would have been short both one Nora...” He smiled at Jaune. “And my brother.”

Jaune turned away. After a moment, he responded. “C'mon, man. It's really hard to wipe tears away when you're wearing armor.”

Ren laughed, and clasped Jaune's shoulder. “It's not easy to stop thinking about the past,” Ren admitted. “But, the past is what has allowed the good of the present. It's the reason we're all here, we're all still together. Don't regret the past, Jaune. Use it, learn from it, so that you cam make the future that much better.”

Jaune sniffled loudly. “This is the most I've heard you talk, like, ever,” he joked.

“I figured you really needed the pep talk.”

Jaune began to get up off the ground. “Yeah, it was… it was one hell of a pep talk.”

“Good. I don't think I have another one in me.”

“Hey, uh, Ren, can I ask you for a favor?”

“Sure.”

“It's just… y'know, I know we're two manly dudes, and you've never been the touchy-feely type, but, like,” he muttered, turning to face Ren. “I could really use a hug right now.”

Ren pondered it for a moment, then let out a breath and, smiling, opened his arms. Jaune immediately rushed in and crushed him in a hug. Wow, he really had gotten stronger. “Thanks, man,” Jaune muttered. “I'm really glad I got to meet you.”

“And I you,” Ren responded, returning the hug.

The two stood like that for a bit. Eventually, Jaune broke away. “Alright, I'm good,” he said. “Thanks for talking things out with me, Ren. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” Ren replied. “I'm just glad I could help.”

“What, are you kidding me? You were great! We should start a booth or something,” Jaune praised, stretching his hand out in the air. “Ren, the Traveling Sage. The life advice you've always needed, a mere 20 lien away.”

“I would… really not enjoy that,” Ren said, making a face.

“Yeah, probably not, huh? But, something to think about if we run out of ammo.”

“I would rather we didn't,” he replied.

“Fine, fine,” Jaune conceded. “But that means I'm going to have to run a kissing booth instead, and that means we're going to be flat broke forever.”

Ren nudged him. “You're wrong about that. You should know that by now.”

Jaune looked up at the sky “I'm just happy to be a part of your life.” Ren was right. He wasn't Jaune Arc, loser extraordinaire. That self-deprecation had never gotten him anywhere, it had only hurt him and others. He was Jaune Arc, the guy who had brought genuine joy to at least one person's life. Two, if Ren meant what he said about them being brothers, which he was pretty sure he did. He did and would matter to people. Now he had to act like it.

“You're right, Ren. Thank you. Thank you, for being so supportive.”

Ren shrugged. “I've got big shoes to fill after all.”

Something clicked in Jaune's head, why, now of all times, Ren was being so talkative, why he was also having trouble sleeping.

“Health smoothies aren't an excellent way to show that you care for somebody,” Ren confirmed. “I know that now.”

Jaune sighed. “She really is amazing. She's dead, and she's still schooling us.”

Ren laughed. “Life is a learning experience, after all.”

“Never was much good at that,” Jaune admitted. “But, luckily, I've got a really smart guy to help me out.”

“First lesson: sleep is very important,” Ren instructed. “Secret training sessions will only backfire on you if they're at the expense of sleep.”

Jaune laughed. “Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm going to bed. You should too.”

“In a moment,” Ren responded. “I'd like to be myself for a bit.”

Jaune nodded and ventured back to where Ruby, Nora and Qrow were sleeping. Ren walked over to one of the nearby trees and crouced. At the base of the tree, growing out of the ground, was a group of lilies. He stroked the petals. “It took me a while,” he whispered. “But I think… I think I can be like you now, Father, Mother, Pyrrha. I think I'm finally the person I need to be.”

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