#christmas song bonanza 2022

[randomoranges]

fits as au and canon

finally, the third and last idea from that one song from the other day lamao

Bright Red Lipstick  [And We’ll All Sing Along]

  It’s the last holiday show and Kate is a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, she’ll miss the fanfare of the holiday bonanza and presenting these particular numbers, but on the other, she can’t wait to find her usual costumes and put every rendition of All I Want for Christmas and Santa Baby behind her. She loves her friends who work with her dearly, but she’s officially reached her limit. She’s tired and exhausted, but she’s also very much well aware that in a week’s time, she’ll miss the vibrant backstage atmosphere and the thrill of performing. It’s her yearly conundrum and she’s far too used to it to do anything about it.

  Kate makes sure her wig is ready, before she brings it up to her vanity mirror to see how it looks. So far, the hair clips with the decorative holly are holding up nicely and they really make the wig look festive. She’s about to start on her makeup, figuring she can ask one of her friends to help her with the zipper on her dress, when there’s a very distinctive knock at her door. She puts her cream down and walks over to the door, opening it to reveal her boyfriend.

  How it is that Étienne manages to sneak backstage time and again is beyond her, but she’s ever so pleased to see him and she ushers him in, closing the door behind them both. She supposes that by now, most of her friends have at least ran into Étienne once and there is the fact that Étienne can be very persuasive and charismatic when he wants to, even if the fact remains that he shouldn’t sneak around backstage. But, she’s not about to complain, if it means that she can have a few more minutes with her beau.

  For starters, it isn’t every day that her boyfriend can come and see her perform, despite what they would both like and the fact that he’s here, for the last show of the holiday special, does give her an extra boost of energy. After tonight, she’ll be off until her birthday and she’ll get to spend that time with her beloved Étienne. She’s definitely looking forward to that.

  “These are for you, my dear,” Étienne says, holding out a bouquet of flowers like he always does when he comes to see her shows. She pretends that she’s flustered by the gesture, if only for the sake of appearances, but she still retrieves the vase she keeps under the vanity for such occasions and fills it with water from the adjacent sink. She places the flowers on the side of her dresser and looks at them for a moment, smiling softly.

  “I hope I’m not bothering you in your preparation,” Étienne mentions and she dismisses him with a hand as she returns to her mirror. There’s a reason she arrives extra early to prepare. Well – there are many reasons as to why she arrives early. Notably, she likes to give herself time to rehearse her number or numbers at least three more times and she doesn’t want to rush her preparation. Kate likes having the time to get dressed and do her makeup and if ever something doesn’t collaborate along the way, then she has the time to get it right. Plus, there’s always someone having some crisis or other and by being here, she can give a helping hand and not fall behind on her own preparation.  Finally, on the nights that Étienne gets to see her perform, she can indulge in his company for a few minutes, before shooing him away.

  “Absolutely not; you can help me with the dress.” She motions to the zipper and Étienne steps up behind her to do it up. He then hooks his chin over her shoulder and wraps his arms around her waist, all the while watching her start her transformation. He knows not to bother her and Kate has come to find out that Étienne can actually stay still and simply watch, so she lets him.

  Étienne kisses her shoulder and she smiles at him through the reflection in the mirror. He leans his head back on her shoulders and quietly watches, mesmerized, as she transforms masculine traits into more feminine ones; exaggerating some along the way and picking the shades of eye shadow that’ll give her the look she wants. He likes watching the transformation, fascinated by the spectacle and the skill set needed. He is, and remains, an artist, after all and he is captivated by the magic happening before his eyes.

  Kate keeps the conversation light, as she picks up one brush and another, glad Étienne gets to be here and watch her perform for the holiday specials. For as much as she misses her old numbers and familiar dresses, there is also something special with this particular holiday dress. The design had been Étienne’s and they had spent many a late night conversation going over details and corrections, between fits of giggles, as Étienne had done his very best to put her vision to paper. He had offered to make the dress, but she had politely declined, preferring to have it done on location. It would be easier that way for fittings and alterations. She could have put something together herself, but she’d been given carte blanche for this and had wanted to do something a little bit different and bold.

  “Green suits you, my dear.” Étienne murmurs into her neck. There’s a pleased little besotted look to his face that warms Kate’s insides, despite what she may say. She indulges him, giving the hand resting on her abdomen a squeeze, before she applies the last line of eye shadow.

  “You say that because it’s your colour.”

  Étienne chuckles; a cat caught with its paw in the cream, and denies nothing. Instead, he holds her a little closer and lets out a content little happy sigh, as if there’s no other place he’d rather be at the moment.

  There’s just her lipstick left, when Kate gets an idea. She wiggles out of Étienne’s embrace and sits on the vanity counter, motioning to her boyfriend to step closer. He does as he’s told, curious, and leans in, closing the gap between them. Kate applies the lipstick, no longer needing to look in a mirror, having done this so many times that she could do it with her eyes closed, before she presses a kiss to Étienne’s right cheek, leaving a bright red stain where her lips had been.

  “What are you doing?” Étienne asks, chuckling as Kate starts over with her process and then does the same with the other cheek.

  “Giving you Christmas kisses,” She answers, as if it’s the most obvious of things, before placing a third kiss to the corner of Étienne’s lips.

  Her boyfriend lets her do as she pleases, and Kate only stops when she believes that she’s left enough bright red kiss marks on Étienne’s face.

  She sits back, pleased with herself, and observes her handiwork for a moment. Étienne looks lovely this way and utterly content to have been kissed silly by her.

  “You know what you should do,” She starts, cupping his chin with her hand, “You should leave these on when you go out to watch the show.”

  Étienne gives her a look, pondering, and she knows that he’ll end up doing it. He likes to please her and this is the type of thing he would not mind doing at all. In a way, it would be a very public way of letting others around him know that Kat e has chosen him and he’s bound to announce this fact like a proud peacock.

  “With pleasure,” He says, proving her point.

  She beams at him and pecks his lips one more time, before sending him off to find his seat. With a final wave, Étienne wishes her luck and promises to find her after the show, and then lets her finish up her preparations.

  FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #kk the magnificent #pc: kk the magnificent #kk the supreme #étienne maisonneuve #au #fic #canon #projocanondoko #christmas song bonanza 2022

[purplesurveys]

1328

What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? Oh I’m just not sure about furniture. That’s not something I tend to splurge on.

Have you ever broken up with someone for a reason other than lack of feelings (ex. moving away, etc.)? I’ve never broken up with someone; but when I was broken up with, it was a pool of reasons – they wanted to do things for themselves, was scared about the future, no plans to introduce me to the rest of the family, didn’t feel anything for me anymore, didn’t feel like trying anymore. Anyway, it was a whole fucking bonanza lmao and I absolutely hate her guts for it.

Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? I’ve never been told either but I can see why people would tell me I’m too picky, because I am.

When was the last time you went to a bar? Andi and I went last Saturday after our trip to the museum – funny story about that bar visit, too: So we were looking for a bar to settle in, and we eventually chose this place that was loudly blaring K-pop. We got our seat, took our order, got to talking, enjoyed the music and tried identifying the K-pop group per song...when the playlist changed to the usual Gen Z Fetty Wap Cardi B Drake :( I felt scammed lmfao.

What three things would you change about your life? A fully reorganized bedroom (aka with the TV, shelves, and elevated bed I’ve been wanting to have), more savings, and having the ability to cook well.

Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? Not really, it’s just waiting to see the look on people’s faces when they find out I was born at 9:11 PM. Other than that my birth was ordinary.

What has happened in the past week that is worth remembering in five years? So...I just got promoted? And they have plans for me to have a major promotion in six months, too – essentially, my current promotion will be the stepping stone for the more major one. It honestly hasn’t sunk in yet since I’m still chasing down so much work before our agency shuts down for the Christmas break, but I’ll make sure to bask in it once I finally have the time to breathe. But yeah! That’s a pretty cool fucking thing that’s happened!!!

How much of your day did you spend completely alone? It’s only, like, 7:26 AM though lol. I’ll be working with Bea and Kata today, then I’m guessing that tonight I’ll be talking with my sister.

What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? I had a good, super casual conversation with Kata last Friday about recent changes and movements in the office, which I found pleasant since knowing about 2022 plans makes me really feel like I’m involved and part of the team.

What is the next book you are going to read? I have no clue. I might check out Almond by Sohn Won-pyung during my break; we’ll see.

Describe the hardest decision you have ever made. Taking my first sip of alcohol. I have such a complex relationship with it owing to my family’s troubles with alcoholism, and my own childhood vows to never put alcohol anywhere near my mouth; so deciding whether I should try it was a extremely bigger deal for me than most. In the end I tried it, and I loved it, and I quickly realized my family is just stupid at handling their alcohol.

Why did you last see the doctor? To get a diagnosis on my weird fever that had been lasting for a week at that point. But does it have to be a doctor for people...? Most recently I went to the vet to take Cooper for a checkup, since his tummy’s been acting strange.

Post a recent picture of yourself. Eh.

How do you spend the majority of your free time? Just BTS-ing and doing BTS things.

What do you want to accomplish tomorrow? Tomorrow will be the last day of work before our office shutdown, so I HOPE I hope I hope I hope we finish everything that has yet to be accomplished so that we can use our phones and laptops as least often as possible during our break.

List the cards in your wallet. My debit card, driver’s license, Starbucks card, arcade card, gas station card, and a few calling cards.

What was the last thing to inspire you? My promotion.

Who was the last person to do something nice for you? My mom prepared my food for the day in a Tupperware because she’s well aware I work to death and tend to genuinely forget to feed myself.

What was the lowest point of this year? The highest? Low point was sulking to sad music from January to March when I was still reeling over the breakup; highest point was anything that had to do with experiencing great friendships because of BTS, whether it was streaming an online concert together, jamming in the car, or waiting til midnight for a new teaser to drop. I honestly can’t believe it’s been the same year?

Is there any artwork in the room you’re in? Sure. I have Audrey Hepburn-themed pop art on my walls.

What is your number one short-term goal? Long-term? Short-term goal is to get a backup phone - something that would let me text and call, essentially. A long-term of mine is to save up to get a legit next phone.

Are you dealing with anything difficult at the moment? Not really, no.

#survey #surveys

[randomoranges]

a prince au side chapter? a prince au side chapter that takes place BEFORE prince au? a prince au side chapter that takes place BEFORE prince au and that’s about cal and ét? a prince au side chapter that takes place BEFORE prince au and that’s about cal and ét AND is also a christmas song bonanza fic? say no more!

A Prize-Winning Pony with a Golden Saddle [This Could be Heaven]

 Étienne snuggled further into Calvin’s chest, content to have his lover with him. This was all still very new, but now that the king and queen knew, there was less sneaking around and so, Étienne could wake up with Calvin still in his bed and spend the morning with him, entangled around him, and indulge in the simple pleasures of life.

 On top of that, it was the High Holidays season, which was one of his favourite times of the year. Even though it was cold outside and there was more snow than he could tolerate, the prince enjoyed the festive mood and good cheer that permeated the air. Ever since he’d been little, he’d enjoyed going to the markets with his parents and siblings and going with Calvin this year had been even more special.

 He felt a soft kiss pressed to his forehead and looked up in time to catch the prettiest of smiles on Calvin’s face. His heart sped up, as it often did when it came to Calvin. He reached for Calvin’s hand, which was thankfully still under the covers and furs; it was cold outside of their little love nest and the idea of poking his hand outside of it sent a shiver down his back. He brought Calvin’s hand to his lips and kissed every finger in turn. Calvin chuckled softly at his antics, but it just made Étienne keep going, until Calvin pulled him close to kiss him properly.

 “Good morning, my prince,” Calvin whispered to him, gently caressing his face. Étienne leaned into the contact and smiled in turn, twining their legs together. He thrilled at hearing those words and knew that even years and years from now, his insides would still turn to goo hearing Calvin say it with such gentle affection. It held so much love and care that he couldn’t help but grin and seek a tender kiss from his lover, who was more than happy to oblige. It seemed he could never be close enough to Calvin and whatever point of contact he could find would have to do, until he found another. It seemed that his body craved the proximity to Calvin and luckily, it  seemed that Calvin felt the same.

 “Hi,” He whispered back. He loved that this was a new norm for them. He loved that at the end of the day, he would make it to his room and be able to unwind with Calvin – that he’d be able to pull Calvin close for a kiss, or two, or three, and that Calvin would respond in kind. He loved it best when they’d make it to his bed and their kisses would lead to more...

 “I know it’s early for gift exchanges, but, I – made you something...” He told Calvin, a moment later, when they pulled apart from their kiss. The time was perfect to do it now, when it was just the two of them in the quiet intimacy of his bedroom. Normally, the exchange of gifts was a much more boisterous event, surrounded by the rest of his family. However, he wanted this moment to be just between the two of them, considering it was the first time they were doing this as lovers and he wanted to mark the occasion.  

 “Oh? You know you didn’t have to...” Calvin said, even though the curiosity was getting the best of him.

 Étienne mourned the warmth of his bed, as he reached out for the night table beside him. He shivered at the cold, his exposed skin prickling with goose bumps, and he quickly opened the drawer to pull out a neatly wrapped parcel. The package was flat and square shaped with delicate fabric protecting the content of the gift. A green bow with gold trim adorned the wrapping and Calvin took it in careful hands, while Étienne furrowed himself back under the covers and furs, snuggling back to Calvin’s side.

 “Of course I did.” Étienne rebuked his last statement. “You’re my closest friend and important me. And now that you’re my lover, I wanted to make something special for you. I just hope you like it.” He added, softly, as if afraid that Calvin wouldn’t.

 Calvin rolled his eyes, knowing full well that the prince could offer him near anything and he would appreciate it. The mere fact that the prince would take the time to make something for him was gift enough. He undid the bow and put it to the side, before he slid the fabric off. He found a canvas of sorts and had to flip it over to see what it was.

 He gasped, immediately recognising the painted scene before him.

 “It’s Pony!” He said, tracing his fingers over the delicate brushstrokes that composed her mane. Besides him, Étienne chuckled and pressed a soft kiss to his bare, freckled shoulder. “This is beautiful,” He was quick to add, sparing Étienne a glance, before looking back at the painting.

 In it, Pony was featured in a beautiful meadow, surrounded by lush, green trees and a clear river. It looked a lot like the place he and Étienne liked to go to and he wouldn’t be surprised if the scene had been inspired by it. Pony looked magnificent and tranquil and the fact that the prince had taken the time to paint this for him meant the world to him. “When did you manage to do this?” He knew Étienne’s schedule by heart and he had never seen the prince working on this piece. Then again, there were many times when the prince would paint that Calvin would be called off on some duty and even many nights when the prince would meander the halls of the castle, unable to sleep.

 “Oh, you know, here and there; when you were out on a patrol, late at night, and such. I’m glad you like it though.” He smiled as Calvin wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him flush against him. Étienne hugged him back and found that even though he was no longer buried under the covers, Calvin’s body was warm and provided him with the heat he needed.

 “Of course; this is the best gift ever. I love it; thank you.” As if to prove his point, Calvin set the painting down, before cupping his face in his hands and kissed him in thanks. Étienne was more than happy to oblige and wrapped himself around his lover.

 (And, years and years later, beyond the wedding and the coronation, the painting still hung on Calvin’s bedroom wall, much to the king’s chagrin and partial amusement. Calvin defended the piece, saying that it was one of his most cherished items and that it was a reminder of the beginning of their relationship. The king let it be, knowing full well there was no sense in arguing with his lover, and had to admit that despite it all, he was touched that Calvin had kept it, after so many years. If asked, Calvin would say that he was an old romantic and that he knew for a fact that the king also happened to still have an old whittled horse that he had made him, a lifetime ago, that he refused to part with.)

 FIN

#pc: calgary #pc: montreal #câlice BRISEBOIS LOL #pc: câlice de gary #calvin BRISEBOIS LOL #étienne maisonneuve #au #fic #3 sentence fic meme thing #prince au #christmas song bonanza 2022

[randomoranges]

welcome back to the christmas song bonanza. welcome back to that One Au i update once a year when the universe messes with me. this is part 3 of this sad au and pseudo part 2 

i am aware that some details don’t line up with 1 and 2. i dont care enough. 

things still remain unsolved at the end

If You’re Not Here with Me [Playful Smile, Warm and Undefined]

 Edward wakes up with a start and stills when the room is eerily quiet. Once upon a time, a quiet room first thing in the morning was welcomed, but now that there’s no whirring and beeping, it disconcerts and worries him. He quickly rises from the couch he’s pulled into the bedroom and rubs the sleep out of his eyes, while shoving his glasses on his face.

 The room is quiet because the bed is empty and that, at least, settles his weary nerves by a fraction. Still, it means that Étienne is not in bed and that sets a whole other bunch of fears in motion. For starters, Étienne shouldn’t over extort himself. The doctor had been very clear when he had granted him his leave from the hospital. Then, there’s the fact that there’s a high risk of Étienne losing his balance, falling, collapsing, or – a myriad of other wonderful things that keep Edward up for the majority of the night, safely watching from a distance and making sure that everything is okay. (He can’t remember the last time he’s slept peacefully. Can’t remember the last night he went to bed without the growing fear that something might go wrong. Can’t recall the last time he slept through the night without waking with a start, always alert, always one ear out for any unwanted sound in the middle of the night.)

 It’s not why he sleeps on the couch in their bedroom. He would have slept in the guestroom, really, but Étienne had always slept better with him around and when his partner had argued the fact that this way, Edward could be there, if ever anything happened, Edward had conceded. However, with all the machines and the breathing aid that Étienne needs, it’s best for Edward to take the couch. He has been too afraid to accidentally injure Étienne or pull on something during the night. (That and his own fitful, restless slumber might rouse Étienne from whatever rest he’s able to get.)

 Therefore, every night, without a fault, (or really, every evening), Edward helps Étienne into bed, makes sure he’s comfortable, (makes sure every monitor and machine is properly plugged in and working) and then he sits by his beloved’s side, holding his hand, until Étienne finds restless sleep. (And if he doesn’t, the doctor has given him medication to help with that. Bless the man.)

 Regardless.

 Edward puts himself in motion, finding his slippers, before going off to find Étienne. (He holds his breath as he walks on, hoping and praying that nothing sinister has happened. That he won’t find Étienne passed out on the floor. That this isn’t the time. That he won’t have to call an ambulance, even if his hands are already searching for his phone, finding it in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He’s ready, in case.

 He’s always ready now, in case.)

 It’s once he steps out of the room that he realises the sounds of soft, slow, instrumental jazz Christmas music playing from the living room. He lets out a deep breath he’d been holding and the world seems just a smidge lighter. This, at least, is fine. He knows the culprit and just hopes that Étienne hasn’t gotten himself into anything, jazz music and all. (He’s never liked this particular type of music – finds it too melancholy and depressing, but Étienne has always called it romantic. Once upon a time, Étienne had pulled him in for a slow dance around their artfully decorated living room, late one night, and maybe, just maybe, Edward had gotten a glimpse of what Étienne meant. Now, he just finds it depressing.)

 He marches to the living room, scold ready at his lips, but it dies, (pardon the pun), when he halts by the scene that greets him.

 Edward hides behind the wall and watches, unsure if he’s still sleeping. Clearly, this is a dream, for he hasn’t witnessed something like this in what already feels like a lifetime. (It’s not even been a year, and still, already, everything Edward has come to know and love has been turned on its head and replaced by constant worry that soon, this too shall end and that he’ll be left with a gaping hole where once there had been love and warmth.) (But they’re not there yet and Étienne is still here and maybe – just maybe they’ll be able to live on a bit more borrowed time.)

 The scene that greets him is beautiful as much as it’s heartbreaking and he finds himself living both emotions at the same time as the two fight for possession of his throat, forming a tight knot that attempts to escape, but only gets stuck in the process.

 Étienne sits by the much smaller Christmas tree he had forced Edward to put up. He looks cozy in the oversized holiday sweater he’s wearing (it might be one of his, really) and he looks – happy and tranquil instead of in constant pain. (At least, this time, the sweater looks purposely big on him, instead of every item of clothing now looking oversized due to Étienne’s weight loss. Once upon a time, Étienne had been larger than life. Had occupied every inch of a room. Had been gregarious and full of life. Now, he looks threadbare and fragile. Washes out with the wallpaper and something dies in Edward as well at the sight.)

 There’s a gentle smile on Étienne’s face as he carefully takes out a figurine from a small Styrofoam box and places it in the Christmas Village by the tree.

 For as long as Edward has known Étienne – (and it’s been many years, but not enough. Not enough years and soon, there’ll be no more and even this will just be a fuzzy memory that will rip him apart. He’ll never get to put a tree up with Étienne. Never decorate it. Never swat his hands away as he bakes holiday treats. Never have to – never ...) (But they’re still not here. They’re still not there. He won’t think about it right now. Not when he gets this gift before his eyes. He needs to enjoy this moment now. Before it’s gone. Before even this is ripped away from him. Before it all turns to ash.)

 For as long as he’s known Étienne, his partner has always, every year, without a fault, put up a Christmas Village. Étienne had constructed it from scratch and every year, the Village had grown. The first figurines had been made with his grandfather, when he’d been a boy, and as Étienne’s skills had evolved, so had the figurines. He’d touched them up, when needed, and by the time they had moved in together, the Village had expanded well into the living room, taking over the mantle, any available shelf and a good part of the coffee table.

 It had been Étienne’s pride and joy and to see him here, sitting on their living room floor, as he places one figurine and then the next, knowing that it may as well be the very last time he ever will, Edward wants to scream at the injustice of it all.

 He takes a steadying breath and tries to school his face into a neutral mask. He should be enjoying this time he has with Étienne instead of worrying, but he worries by nature and he can’t help it. (If he had known... if he had known that this would be their last holiday together, he would have done it differently. Would have done so many things differently.

 If he had known, then, the last time he’d ever get to take Étienne out, he would have committed every detail to his mind. Would have splurged on dessert and gone somewhere nicer. He would have done the same thing the last time he’d properly held him in his arms. The last time he’d kissed him. Made love to him. The last time the day had been carefree and theirs to enjoy. He would have savoured it all. Every insignificant detail. Every minor moment. Focused on the present. Worried less. Laughed more. Something.

 Or so he tells himself late at night when sleep evades him and guilt plagues his every thought. (But would he? Would he have done anything differently or would he have still taken it all for granted, because surely, tomorrow the sun would rise and a new day would come. There would be another occasion – another time – another chance. Time. There would be so much more time.

 But the days would come and go and he’d still find himself in this very same spot cursing a God he had given up on years and years ago.))

 Étienne chooses that moment to look up and he smiles, ever so bright, even a little playful, despite the evident fatigue, the dark circles under his eyes and the oxygen tube. He motions him over and even if Edward would have wanted to run in the opposite direction, away from it all – from the pain and the ever present heartache, Étienne still has him under the same old spell, and so, he walks over and sits down beside him. He knows, he knows, that he would follow him to the ends of the earth and back again, if Étienne asked.

 They remain quiet for a beat and then a second, while Edward tries to form a sentence that would fill up some of the silence. Sure, there’s the music that keeps playing, but he’s never been a fan of Étienne’s slow jazz songs and today is no exception.

 His partner leans against him and for a moment, Edward fears Étienne doesn’t feel well, but just as he’s about to ask and inquire, Étienne places a gentle hand on his and gives it a reassuring squeeze, once more reassuring him when he should be the one looking out for Étienne. (He doesn’t think about how frail the grasp feels or how cold – how much colder Étienne’s hand is against his own. He tries – and maybe fails – to focus on the action itself.)

 “I’m glad you’re here with me now.” Étienne tells him, softly, gentle smile still strained on his face. Whatever control Edward had on his emotions threatens to rip open at the seams, but for a moment longer, he manages by biting the inside of his cheek, until the hurt outweighs the maelstrom of anguish that churns in the depths of his soul.

 He deflects after a while by picking up a wooden tree from the pile at Étienne’s foot and looks it over for a moment. For as much as Étienne has always enjoyed painting on canvas bigger than himself with bold, thick brushstrokes, he was equally skilled when it came to tiny, delicate, intricate details, as with this tree in his hands. He studies the lines in the bark and the thin little bare branches, before he places it by a park bench in Étienne’s smaller scaled Village.

 "I wanted to put up some semblance of the Village,” Étienne tells him, his voice barely above a whisper, yet blending perfectly with the smooth notes of the music playing.

 Edward nods, afraid his voice will betray every running thought in his mind and instead he tries to piece together the narrative in the Village, giving his mind something else to dissect and analyse as a reprieve. He’s not sure if it’s ever been intentional, but he’s always found a story to the Village Étienne builds. There’s a theme, hidden behind the shop fronts and the happy looking figurines, and there’s something about this scaled down version that tugs at him differently this year.

 There’s a figurine sitting on one of the benches all alone. This figurine – Edward has always called it the ‘Étienne’ figurine, for it has long, wavy brown hair, glasses, and green eyes. (Étienne has never confirmed or denied it, but to Edward, it’s the Étienne figurine.) And it’s all alone – sure, it might have to do with the fact that Étienne isn’t done, but there’s something about the scene – about how all the other figurines are paired together and clustered closer that seems different.

 He doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like what it implies and the fact that Étienne seems to be in that headspace – or might be in that one, if he’s to read the scene for what it is. Edward looks over the other figures in the Village, until he finds the ‘Edward’ one. (Short brown hair, hazel eyes, glasses. Simple, really.) Luckily, it isn’t still in the box and Edward brings it besides the lonely figurine. Already, it looks better and if anything, he feels better. He’ll take whatever feel good bonus points he can get, wherever he finds them, even if it’s in making one adjustment in Étienne’s Village and playing a very strong game of pretend.

 “It’s Christmas,” He explains when Étienne gives him a quizzical look over the change, “No one deserves to be left alone, regardless of situations.”

 Étienne sighs, before he picks at a strip of fake cotton snow and fiddles with it with his hands. “You don’t have to do this, you know. You don’t have to ruin your holidays because of me.”

 It shouldn’t surprise Edward, at least, not after so many years, but he’s still surprised that Étienne has seen through his little gesture and that he caught on. That Étienne figured out that he’d figured out his narrative in the Village. Then again, they’ve been together for so long. They’ve been able to read each other for longer still. It should be expected, really.

 “Nonsense. There’s no way I could leave you alone at a time like this.” Not even if he wants to. Not even if he tries. (He’s tried, once. In a moment of – helplessness. When it got too much. When it felt as though this entire wrench in his life had threatened to swallow him whole. He’d tried to step out. To detach. To forget. Ignore. Move on. Start and attempt. But the guilt and the worry had been bigger than whatever other feelings combined together. It had left him gasping for air and clawing at his clothes, at the sheets, at the skin on his thighs, leaving red marks that had taken a day or so to fade away.

 He had said forever. They had promised each other forever and he intended to honour those words. Regardless.

 So, he had gone back. Gone back before his absence could be noted and Étienne had offered him a sad little tired smile, not even surprised he’d come back when he’d been given the chance to run before it got really ugly. Edward had apologised, even though there was nothing to apologise for and Étienne had done the same in turn, saddened that his partner hadn’t been able to take the chance to avoid the hurt coming his way.

 But he couldn’t. The idea of not being here. The idea of missing on whatever precious time was left. Too much to do. So little left to do. Where to begin and what to say. (So very much to say.) (So very much to do.) The words had formed themselves and then died at the back of his throat, asphyxiated by tears and drowned out in sorrow and anger.)

 (Edward tries not to think of all the milestones he’ll never live with Étienne. Tries not to think of all the insignificant moments they’ll never live together. Doesn’t think of the lost opportunities. The trips they’d said they’d take, one day. The plans they had. Bucket lists they’d penned together, late one morning. Surprises he’d wanted to pull on Étienne – and such. The every day I love you’s and the late night embraces. The precious moments he’d come to cherish over the many years they’d had and that he had looked forward to for many more.)

 (It’s not fair. It’s not fair – it’s not fair.)

 “I wish you could. I wish you never had to live this.”

 Edward doesn’t know what to answer to that and he lets the notes of the music fill the gap once more. He watches as Étienne places one more lantern in his reduced Village and then calls it a day. The boxes get piled up to be dealt with later, before Étienne attempts to get up, but struggles to do so. Edward is there to help him, before he can even ask, and they make their careful way to the couch. Edward is mindful of the tubes and wires and he takes his usual seat while Étienne snuggles close to him, head heavy against his chest.

 As he feared, Étienne has overdone it once more, but his partner seems content, if tired and even thanks him for helping him out. Edward would want to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but instead he bites his bruised tongue and holds his beloved close, reminding himself of the fragile moment he’s living, lulled by the steady noise of the oxygen concentrator.

 FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #au #christmas song bonanza 2022 #Fic

[randomoranges]

silly little thing. semi related to that little comic i did a few days ago. apparently, i had more to say on the matter. also, was gonna bumb up the day when this takes place to match the comic, but then it meant having to fix up things in the other xmas fic and i didnt want to. so i guess that makes it funnier bcs now the weather in edmonton is less cold but ét doesnt like the cold regardless so it still works haha.

once upon a time the lyrics in the titles of these xmas fics were more recognisable. now you have to squint to even try and recognise the original song sometimes lamao

Traveling Where the Westerly Winds Can Fly [When You Pine for the Sunshine of a Friendly Gaze]

 December 30th 2022

 “So, here’s a thought,” Étienne says halfway through their conversation.  He fiddles with the phone for a moment to make sure Edward can see him properly and waits to have his boyfriend’s full attention. “I’m thinking of visiting; maybe sometime next week? I mean, it won’t be as long as my last few visits – ten days max, but, it’s better than nothing, right? If that’s not too last minute!” He’s quick to add. He knows Edward has repeated at least a dozen or so times that he can show up unannounced and that the door is always open, but Étienne still prefers to check, even when he gets these impulsive ideas. He’d hate to intrude and hate to be a bother.

 Edward’s smile is kind and this side of pleased and it quells the one fear that seems to have taken up residence inside Étienne’s mind, “Not that I don’t want you to visit or that it doesn’t sound like a lovely idea, but have you seen what the weather is like over here? And you know it can get much colder even if it looks decent.”

 Étienne takes a moment to tap on his phone, most likely on a weather app of sorts, and Edward watches with fascination as Étienne’s face transforms from hopeful smile to disgusted grimace in mere seconds. “Ah. Well. Never mind then. Ew. How is that even a temperature. Ké, well, I guess I’ll see you in the summer then. Love you. Take care. Bye.”

 Before he even gets a chance to say anything, Étienne hangs up the phone and Edward laughs, so very used to Étienne’s antics once more. He knows better and thus, he waits for the clogs in Étienne’s mind to spin and make the obvious few connections they hadn’t yet made. His boyfriend will be calling back in a moment or so, he’s convinced of it. Therefore, he remains lying on his sofa, phone resting on his stomach, as he waits.

 Sure enough, just as Edward considers picking up the phone to kill off some time, it vibrates against his sweater and, sure enough, it’s Étienne. He doesn’t even get a chance to say hello that his boyfriend is off on a semi-tangent of mostly coherent thoughts.

 “Hear me out,” He starts again,? “The weather can go fuck itself, but like, I was at yours last year and the year before? For all of winter?? And I survived, yeah? I mean, it sucked but whatever. But, anyways, I realised, cold weather means extra cuddles, right” He looks at Edward with that little manic gleam to his eyes that he gets when he has these crazy ideas and thought processes and Edward gives him a knowing look.

 “Took you long enough to figure it out. Thought for a moment you were done with being touch starved.”Edward teases, making Étienne roll his eyes at him.

 “Please, as if. And, like, I don’t have to go outside, even if it’s a frozen disaster and – and – and – well, I miss you and I haven’t seen you in ages and well, you’re worth the fucking cold and me freezing my ass off. So there. I’m willing to come over. Might have to fuck off to Mexico afterwards just to thaw out properly, but that’s not a problem.” Étienne says it with all the conviction of the world and nearly wants to dare the weather to get even worse, because nothing will stop Étienne M. Maisonneuve once he’s set himself to something. Edward’s a little bit touched by the declaration, really.

 “Aw, I miss you too, Curly, but you know I’ll have work to do,” It’s not that he’s actively trying to dissuade Étienne from visiting, but he’d hate for his boyfriend to have these grand ideas of canoodling indoors with him for however long he plans to visit, only to be severely disappointed when he’ll have to head out to work.

 “Duh, I know that. I can take care of myself and I can go to Muttart, if ever I need extra heat, like I did last time, aaaaaaand” He says, pointing a finger towards the screen to make his point even more important, “I also have other friends I can see if you’re not around; so there.”

 Edward laughs. He loves that Étienne’s already figured it all out. He loves that Étienne still wants to visit him, despite the cold, despite his schedule and despite anything else. Loves that Étienne’s expanded his horizons when visiting to the point that he has places he likes to visit and friends he can visit with.

 “Well, if that’s alright with you, then I’d love for you to visit.” He’s already looking forward to it, now that the idea is out there. Maybe he’ll even ask for a day off or two. Hell, maybe he’ll fuck off to Mexico with Étienne afterwards as well. They haven’t done that in ages.

 “Yeah? Awesome,” Étienne smiles, a pleased little thing, “Kay, so, I’ll look at flights and I’ll text you the details – and I guess I’ll see you soon!”

 Their gazes meet through the screen and they exchange giddy looks.

 “Looking forward to it,” Edward says with all the sincerity of the world.

 The conversation eventually comes to an end and Edward could get up from his couch to do something, but once more, knowing his boyfriend, he waits and sure enough, within moments of hanging up, his phone lights up again, with a text message.

 “Found a flight. Direct thank fuck. Leaves the second. WS114. Arrives at yours @11h37am. Can’t wait!!!! See you soon xxxxxx :D”

 Edward laughs again, not even surprised, and types out a reply. “Me too. See you soon. <3”

 FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko #christmas song bonanza 2022

[randomoranges]

me, back in the days: haha only have 3 ideas for xmas fics this yr. this’ll be easy me, yesterday with One Song Stuck in My Head: la la la  me, this morning: here’s an idea! me, upon reading the lyrics: here are three other ideas! here is the first of them, lol.

au

Christmas Kisses [Just us, and this Old Christmas Tree]

 Edward helped his friend Étienne with the last of the dishes, before he returned to the other side of the kitchen island, leaning against it. He was visiting Étienne before he flew home tomorrow, for the holidays, and since he wasn’t going to be in town for Christmas or New Year’s, they had done their usual Christmas Brunch at Étienne’s. This brunch wasn’t any different from all the other brunches they had, but because it was closer to the holidays, they tagged on Christmas to it and more often than not, got each other a little something for the occasion.

 Étienne closed the dishwasher with a swing of his hips and then started dancing along to the next Christmas song that played on the living room speakers. Amused, Edward grinned at his antics, far too used to them, and watched him come over from the comfort of the bench he’d sat himself on.

 “Come dance with me,” Étienne said, reaching over to him with an outstretched hand. Knowing that his friend would be relentless unless he followed him to the living room, Edward obliged and hopped down, all the while Étienne sang along to the song.

 See, for a good long while now, Edward had a big ol’ crush on his friend. He’d gone and developed feelings for Étienne that he’d done his best to ignore and burry away, but every time Étienne did something silly and endearing like this, he just fell more for him. It was funny really, how a man who detested the cold and complained the second the weather dipped below freezing could become so alive and cheerful during the holiday season; buoyant even.

 Of course, he’d never said anything about how he felt for Étienne, afraid that it would ruin their friendship. He was willing to risk many things, but his friendship with Étienne was not one of them. Étienne was one of his closest and dearest friends and he knew how important those were. Therefore, he kept his mouth shut.

 However, dancing in Étienne’s living room to a song that mentioned Christmas kisses really set Edward’s mind off with a dozen or so different questions and a longing for something more with his friend. Surely, even if Étienne didn’t feel that way about him, they could still be friends, right? Étienne wouldn’t stop being his friend just because of that; he didn’t seem like the type of person to do that...

 He would never know, really, unless he did something, but that would mean taking action and – was Edward even ready for that?

 He pondered all of this as Étienne smiled and then spun him around once, before he placed his arms on Edward’s shoulders. They were dancing closely now and Edward could only reciprocate by putting his own arms on Étienne’s waist, which seemed to have been a good decision, if he based it on Étienne’s pleased little smile.

 Étienne slowed down his dancing, making it more of a gentle shift from one foot to another, as the song came to an end, and the two of them stood, looking at each other. Étienne smiled at him, making Edward’s heart flutter a mile a minute, and he knew, that if ever there was a moment to do something bold and daring, this was it.

 “So, after all that, would it be okay if I gave you Christmas kisses?” He tried and hoped that he sounded confident and cool; all the while, he held his breath and prayed that this wouldn’t epically backfire on him.

 Étienne’s eyes widened in pleased surprise, and hugged him tighter, before he cupped his cheeks with his hands and then kissed him full on the lips. Relieved and immensely pleased, Edward kissed him right back.

 FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #étienne maisonneuve #edward murphy #au #christmas song bonanza 2022 #xmas fic

[randomoranges]

this was supposed to be a short thing. 

it turned into a not so short thing, lol.

I Wish I Were Here with You [And I wonder If He can Hear Me]

 Christmas Eve 2022

 Étienne excuses himself from the crowded living room and finds solace on the empty back porch. It’s chaotic inside and he needs a breather from it. He’s aware of the irony, thank you very much, but there’s just so much family he can handle all at once. Everyone’s here, this year. Hell, even Louise has come down and Samuel’s cousin has made a rare appearance. It’s post Great Panini, or whatever, and it seems as though everyone’s been hit with the need to see each other again. Then again, there’s always been something about the holidays that has done that to them. Brought out the Family Spirit, or something.

 Even at his worst, even when it seemed like no one in this strange little family of his had gotten along, they’d still – made the token effort for Christmas. Maybe it was the residual Catholic guilt. (He wouldn’t be surprised.) Yet, they’d all made the effort and gotten together. Misery loved company, or something.

 He doesn’t mind. No, really, he doesn’t. He likes the chaos and the big crowd – has always somehow or other found himself at ease in one, but the room had grown stuffy and he needs the reprieve. It’s a good excuse as any to go for a quick smoke and take in the night sky. Clear his thoughts, his mind.

 The cold air is brisk and a sharp contrast from the warmth of his brother’s living room. He’s grateful he grabbed his jacket on the way out and already knows his hands will be beyond cold by the time he goes back in, but right now the wind feels like a kiss to his cheek and he’ll take the win for what it is.

 Étienne rummages in his pocket before he finds his cigarettes and one of his emergency lighters, wondering where his gloves have absconded to. He manages to light up the cigarette on the fourth try and the first inhale of nicotine settles something in him. The action of taking a drag from his smoke is familiar and comforting and he knows, (he knows), he should quit, but he’s still waiting for the argument that’ll book it for him. He’s quit enough of the hard stuff and his body is still standing. The nicotine can’t do any other harm he hasn’t already done – or tried – to do to himself.

 He leans against the patio railing and smokes quietly, gaze lost in the vast expense of dark ahead of him, illuminated by the occasional star that dares to peak through clouds that threaten to unleash a flurry of flurries. It’s quiet, here, and the boisterous voices from the living room are muddled, experienced as if under water. It gives his own thoughts room to be and Étienne finds himself relaxing, an imaginary tension unraveling from his shoulders.

 He takes another drag and watches the smoke swirl up into the sky, floating away, before disappearing. He wishes he could do that, sometimes, with his thoughts. Let them float away. Watch them disappear.

 He fishes his phone from his pocket when he finishes his cigarette, not yet ready to go back in and twiddles with it for a bit. He’s a little bit restless and now the quiet is starting to get to him. He thumbs through his phone and eventually lands on Edward’s contact. He presses on the video call before he fully registers what he’s doing and then finds himself partially hoping that his boyfriend will answer and that he’ll be too busy to pick up. It’s Christmas Eve, after all, and he knows for a fact that Edward has a list of tasks to complete before his own get together.

 Étienne remembers a time, when Edward would be here, for the holidays. He’s not sure how the original invitation had come to be, but clearly, he had asked, once upon a time. (Lies, he does remember. Well, more or less. Edward had made a comment along the lines of going back home to spend the holidays alone, drinking and being repressed. Étienne had said he could spend it with him and the rest of his mishmashed family. He’d laughed off the offer the next moment, convinced Edward would never accept and would think him soft and sentimental, but his friend had surprised him by accepting. Then, before he knew it, it had turned into an almost yearly thing, before that too had come to a halting end.)

 Étienne wishes Edward were here, instead of waiting for him to potentially pick up his phone.

 It’s weird how when Edward would visit for the holidays, he only ever saw him a handful of times throughout the year, if he was lucky, and the best way to communicate was through mail. Now, he can speak to Edward every day – hell, he can even see him every day thanks to modern technology, but Edward is miles away during the holidays and it hits different. Especially now. Especially considering the fact that he’d been with Edward for the holidays for two consecutive years. Especially now that they’re actually dating.

 He’s – glad, obviously, that Edward is immersing himself in his family and actively participating in his own life, but - he misses him something fierce, if he’s being honest and the holidays really push forth the idea of spending time with loved ones to the center of his attention. He doesn’t mind his family – doesn’t even mind his cousin Charlie being here, but he does mind Edward not being here. Or – not being together wherever.

 And, even though he had spent a few months with Edward at the end of the previous year right through the early beginnings of spring, it now feels like he hasn’t seen him in ages. There had been no summer visits, they’d both been busy through the summer, and Étienne hadn’t escaped a millionth lockdown to find solace at Edward’s.

 He’s grown soft, really, but he doesn’t mind.

 Just as Étienne is about to hang up and text Edward instead, his boyfriend picks up and immediately, a smile blooms on Étienne’s face.

 “Hi Eddy,” He greets and takes in Edward’s rosy cheeks and festive wear. He looks comfortable, lounging on his living room sofa and Étienne momentarily wishes he could be there, nestled close in loving arms where he often finds solace.

 “Hey yourself, I wasn’t expecting your call,” There’s a small frown on Edward’s face now and Étienne is quick to put his lover at ease.

 “Lull between courses. Figured it was a good time to call. Looks like I lucked out too.”

 “Yeah – just finished prepping and waiting for everyone to arrive. Aren’t you cold though?”

 As if to prove the point, Étienne huddles closer inside his jacket and regrets not putting on an extra layer. Then again, he hadn’t thought he’d be ruminating outside and luckily, the wind hasn’t picked up again. “I’ve been warmer, yes, but I needed a break and some fresh air.”

 “Big crowd?” Edward asks as if he can tell the real reason as to why Étienne’s outside.

 “Something like that. Plus, Sam’s being an insufferable idiot and there’s just so much comments about bridges I can handle before I throttle the guy.” He rolls his eyes and Edward laughs along, knowing full well what Étienne is referencing.

 They fall into pleasant chat after that, while Étienne lights himself another cigarette. Étienne likes that this is the new norm now – that he can chat with Edward about anything at all and that it’s easy again. He’d missed this. Missed the ease of conversation. The flow and exchange.

 He’s about to ask Edward what he’s made for dinner, when the patio door opens and then closes. He turns in time to see Suzette step out, carrying a blanket along that she drapes over his shoulders.

 “There you are!” She says and then peers over his shoulder when she notices Edward on his phone, “Édouard! Hi!” Suzette leans over and waves energetically at the phone. Étienne grins, amused at her antics and busies himself with the blanket while she takes over the conversation. “It’s so good to see you! You haven’t been ‘round here in forever, how have you been?”

 “Not too bad, and yourself?”

 Étienne watches, a spectator privy to a conversation, and something in him settles to see his de-facto sister-in-law rekindle her friendship with his boyfriend. It gives him hope and reassures him that his family will welcome Edward back, whenever it is he’ll bring him over for Christmas again.

 As if reading his mind, Suzette goes on, “You know, you’re always welcome here, right? For the holidays or even just for a visit. We miss having you over and I can always make you a new stocking for the mantle.”

 Étienne watches Edward’s reaction on the phone and doesn’t miss the way his eyes widen, as if surprised that Suzette would say such a thing – that he’s still appreciated by his family and even wanted. Yet, there’s something in his smile that is both relieved and pleased and Étienne can’t help but smile as well.

 Suzette wraps up her conversation with Edward and makes him promise to visit and keep in touch, before she tells Étienne that the next course should be out in a few. Étienne nods and watches her leave, before he turns back to his phone and his previous conversation.

 “She hasn’t changed,” Edward says with a laugh.

 “No and thank God for that. Suzie is great. Best thing to ever happen to this hodgepodge family and she thinks it’s real great that we’re friends again.”

 Edward blinks, surprised, as Étienne laughs quietly to himself. “They don’t know?” He asks to be sure Étienne hadn’t pulled his leg or hadn’t been exaggerating.

 “No. I never said anything. Not before and not now.”

 His boyfriend grows quiet, clearly surprised by the news. Étienne shrugs as though it’s meant to offer more insight on the situation. “What was I supposed to say at the time? “Oh, by the way, yes, Edward is my friend, but I also developed a massive crush on him, but I haven’t said anything to him for a multitude of reasons. Also, we’re not gonna room together because he’s not out to anyone, but yes, we are totally sleeping together?”” He snorts at the thought, “Or, better yet, after you stopped showing up, “In case you ever did wonder, Edward and I were sleeping together, but we were only ever friends, despite having romantic feelings for him.”” He shakes his head and sighs, “It was best to keep my mouth shut. You weren’t out and even post fall out it wasn’t my place to say. I didn’t know how comfortable you’d be with me sharing the news and for as much as I did push you to come out for my own personal reasons, it still wasn’t my story to share alone.”

 Edward remains stunned, surprised more than anything else. He thought it would have come up in conversation – that someone would have asked him, so many years later, and whether they did and Étienne deflected or they didn’t and Étienne never brought it up, he’s still oddly surprised. “What about now?”

 Again, Étienne shrugs, “Well, we never really talked about it and I’d feel weird telling them without knowing if you’re okay with it or having you with me. I’d rather do it when you’re here with me.”

 Edward thinks it’s sweet but he doesn’t mention it.

 “Basically, only El knows – and well, Emma. But that’s it. If anyone ever had doubts, they never asked me. Maybe they thought we were sleeping together, but then again, that assumption falls on anyone who hangs around with me, so,” He shrugs, the blanket precarious on his shoulder, playing nonchalant, and Edward wonders if it bothers Étienne that people would assume that anyone who spends time with him is only there to get laid. It’s a thought for another day and he files it away for later.

 “Well,” He starts, clearing his throat when he realises that it’s a little dry, “Maybe we can tell them next year. Maybe I can come over...”

 Étienne looks at him, disbelief written all over his face highlighted by a dash of hopefulness. He’d like that – having Edward over again for the holidays. It had always felt right having Edward over for the holidays.

 “Of course,” Étienne recovers, “You’re always welcome here,” He reiterates what Suzette says and means it. He’s always meant it. Edward could always come over and see him. He’d always find the time for Edward. “And – and Calvin too.” He’s quick to add before Edward thinks that Calvin’s not welcome. It’ll be – different, sure, but that’s okay. He’s still figuring this out, but it’s fine. Hell, they’re all still figuring it out and it’s fine. So long as Edward’s here, it’s fine. “Sam’ll get a kick out of having him over.”

 Edward laughs at that and then they both groan in unison, realising what that could possibly entail. “Eh, he’ll be distraction enough that I’ll finally be able to kiss you under that blasted Mistletoe Suzette always has up.”

 “My, my, Murphy, aren’t you getting domestic and sappy,” Étienne teases, grin growing on his face at the mere idea of it. He’d love that, who is he kidding? Had always been secretly jealous of Jacques and Suzette who would sneak in a kiss or five at any given occasion. Or even of Samuel and Fred; his brother putting on a show and getting his boyfriend under the twig of greenery. It’ll be different now, even if Edward doesn’t want to make a big fuss of it. Just having him back here will be enough.

 “Excuse you; you’re the one suggesting we spend the holidays together.”

 “I don’t hear you deny it. Listen, we can even go more domestic and alternate. One year at mine and the other at yours. How d’you like that?” He means it as a joke. He means it as a deflection. He means it honestly and it seems that Edward picks up on it as well.

 “That sounds like a really lovely idea.”

 They both smile softly at each other, through the screens, and get lost in their thoughts about future holidays where they’ll be able to converse face to face. It sounds like a dream. It sounds like a possibility.

 The moment is broken when the wind picks up and Étienne shivers, despite the blanket still wrapped around him. “You should go back in, Sweetheart, before you freeze to death. Looks like it’s a whole -8 over there. Wouldn’t want you to catch your death.”

 Étienne rolls his eyes at the jibe and Edward laughs, fond and amused. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Suzie made all her best dishes too. Would be a shame to miss out. I guess we’ll talk soon?” He knows they will. They practically talk every day, or so, even if it’s just a link to a funny video or a photo of something silly, but – it’s better than nothing. He holds on tight to this and what they’re building.

 “Of course; Merry Christmas.” They exchange their usual little wave, which somehow always feels like a cop out to their more meaningful conversations. Then again, he’s never been good with endings and he supposes this is no exception. Big, grand entrances had always been more his speed.

 Edward’s about to hang up, when Étienne blurts out, “I miss you.” He means it, obviously, but he’s been doing his best not to bring it up in every conversation they have, even if it’s true. Edward pauses, finger in the air, as if ready to hit the end call button, and goes quiet for a beat. Étienne fears it may have been too much, but then Edward smiles softly, his eyes bright, before he answers in kind.

 FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko #pc: shawinigan #suzette has a family name #christmas song bonanza 2022

[randomoranges]

iiiiiiit's the return of christmas song bonanza fics! i've had this idea in my head since october 2022 when the backstreet boys released their xmas song cd. when i heard this ony particular song, this idea came to me. however, since it's not the usual Happy Christmas Fic, i didnt feel in the right mood to write it and then actual real life stuff happened.

then, this year, more real life stuff happened that was more similar to the main idea of the fic, so i channelled these feelings into this thing.

writing's been really hard recently.

this could be part of the rock star au from ages ago but it could also be just another piece that exists under the christmas song bonanza universe.

the ending is left vague and unresolved on purpose

Same Old Lang Syne

Étienne paces the nondescript hotel room he’s in. He doesn’t like it and quite frankly, the one part of his job he hates is this bit; the constant travelling and the parade of hotels he goes in and out of. He could have roomed with any of his bandmates, or even his sister, but the idea of being with any of them post-show, right now, makes his skin itch. He both desperately needs his space and fears being alone, but one of those two things seems worse than the other, at the moment.

He clutches his phone tightly and waits and prays for the line to pick up on the other end. He knows it’s late. Or early. Or – not the time one should be calling, but it’s – it’s been tradition for so long. To call. After a show. To hear Edward’s voice. To reconnect (or attempt to, as it has been of late.) And – right now, he could really use Edward’s voice – a sign, really, that – it’s not all lost. That there’s some shred of normalcy left. Hope. Something. Anything.

It's Christmas Eve, after all, somewhere. He’s a bit disoriented between jet lag, the time it is where he’s at and the time it might be where Edward’s at. But, he’s sung enough about the magic of Christmas and such. It would be nice if it could manifest itself for him. At least this one time. Étienne figures he deserves about that much.

He’s partially convinced that he’ll need to hang up and call again – or give up entirely, when finally, he hears a click.

“What?”

Étienne’s heart stills at the cold and icy tone he gets from Edward. God – that voice used to be so warm and sweet in his ear. Full of laughter and wonder. Amused fondness and the likes.

Fuck, but what had he done, really to let it all go to shit? When had it all changed from fondness to resentment?

He stumbles through the words he’s wanted to say. Tries, really, to stumble through the words he’s wanted to say and rehearsed in his mind on the way back from the venue to this bland hotel he can’t even stand anymore. It’s funny, considering, really. He’s just performed for hundreds of people and yet he can’t find the right thing to say to his – partner.

It had been so easy.

Maybe it had been too easy.

And maybe, really, somewhere along the way, he had taken it all for granted and assumed that it would always work and be this way.

(I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. We can figure it out. Please. Please. I need you. Please.)

“Are you drunk? Is that why you called? D’you have any idea what time it is over here?”

Edward sounds – upset. Tired. Angry. Hurt. (God, he sounds so done with it all. He wonders even why he bothered to answer. Who is to say that Étienne hadn’t interrupted him with a lover? Who is to say that Edward hadn’t been on his way out? For good. Forever. Ready to move on, while he desperately tried to cling to the last of what they once had. If only he knew how to patch it all back together and make it work again. He could change. Fuck he’d change, he’d quit, he’d do anything – anything!)

(Would he though?)

(Isn’t that why they’re here?)

(Does he really even want to fix all of this? Isn’t he tired as well?)

He’s in a nondescript hotel room with the same stock-standard furniture void of any personality. He’s been here once like he’s been here ten thousand times. It’s familiar and foreign all at the same time. He could describe this room better than his own back home and yet, it’s the first time he’s set foot in this space. Edward is presumably in their old home. Or – at least, not following him on tour, as he had for so long.

And, really, at first it was okay.

At first, it had been fine.

Because Edward had moved up in his job and it meant that he had bigger obligations. Étienne had been proud, obviously, but he supposes now, thinking back to it, that it was where the changes had started. Edward coming to less shows. Their conflicting schedules. His own wayward ways. It had grown. Expanded. Turned into some big quantum drift where it felt as though he was living with a stranger the few times they did manage to be in the same place at the same time.

And, really, at first, it wasn’t so bad.

They always had an understanding. Edward had never minded the way he was. It had never meant anything, anyways, when he picked up some eager person to warm his bed for the night. It was the post-adrenaline high of performing. It was his own way to combat his loneliness and the nondescript hotel rooms that made him want to scream.

He wonders when the line had blurred. (He supposes he knows. He knows he supposes it happened gradually. When he was back home, and Edward was away. When lovers had appeared in their own home. When the bed had been warmed by others, only for Edward, or even him, to come back home to find the usual empty spot occupied by someone else. When it had become easier to turn to strangers instead of his own partner.)

And, instead of using words – instead of telling Edward how he felt, instead of Edward telling him how he felt, they’d both said nothing and carried on with their lives, moving further away from one another, until the chasm they’d created threatened to swallow them whole. Until, if Étienne looked back, he no longer saw the man he had fallen for, but instead some stranger he had once known.

(He’d noticed it, really, with their phone calls. When at first the messages had been funny and flirty. When every one of them had started or ended with “I miss you, when are you coming back”. When between one show and another, it had changed to “Sorry, I’m busy” and when time zones became the convenient excuse. And then, when he hadn’t even felt like calling up Edward after a show and so he hadn’t. And Edward hadn’t bothered sending him a text.)

And how much it had hurt when he’d realised how broken they had become.

Maybe it’s the season that has made him more nostalgic, or maybe he really misses home, but something had made him call Edward tonight and he knows that if he could, he’d go back in a heartbeat. (Or, maybe, what he really misses is the ease of his old life. Of Edward by his side. Of the possibilities the future held instead of the black hole he seems to be aware of looming on the horizon.)

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He finally answers when Edward doesn’t say anything else. He wants to apologise for hundreds of other things, but maybe he can do that when he goes back home. Maybe, they can sit and talk. Reconnect. Find solutions. “The show’s over and I wanted to…”

What does he want? Truly. What does he want.

(Edward’s laughter. Sitting on a couch together wearing cozy jumpers. He has his keyboard on his lap and he’s improvising some silly songs. Beside him, Edward sits close, their bodies touching, with his arm on his shoulder. His cheeks are pink with mirth, and he looks absolutely lovely. Étienne belts one song after the other, making up the lyrics as he goes along, and he wishes every evening could be like this.)

(Soft mornings. Cozy nights. Talking with Edward ‘til late at night. Finding him in a crowded room. Kissing Edward senseless after a show. Melting in his embrace. Feeling as if they are once more on the same page and want the same things.)

“I wanted to hear your voice.” He finally admits. Once upon a time, Edward’s voice had been able to calm his greatest anxieties and soothe all his worries away. Once upon a time, Edward’s voice had brought him nothing but joy and love. Now, there are times when he fears what it is Edward’s voice will tell him.

He hears Edward let out a breath, wonders if he doesn’t pass his hand through his hair, as he’s done countless times when he’s been unsure how to answer.

“Étienne, don’t.”

But Étienne ignores him. “I know I won’t be home for Christmas, but when I get back, we could do something. We can go out. Or stay in. We can catch up on all the occasions we’ve missed, yeah?” He tries to sound hopeful instead of desperate. He knows he doesn’t succeed but he doesn’t stop even though maybe he should admit defeat and quit while he’s ahead.

“You always say that. You say that and then you don’t.”

Étienne doesn’t know when Edward gave up. He doesn’t know when either of them started giving up, but he’s not ready to throw the towel just yet. He truly believes they should give it one more chance. One more desperate chance. Because Edward has been his inspiration for so long and they’ve been through so much already, so why should this be the cataclysm to their end when they’ve already made it this far? Why now? Why now when they’ve braved every other hurdle? Why should this one be the exception when he still wants and needs Edward in his life?

They could be good again. He needs them to be good again.

“It’ll be different this time, I promise. Look, I know I can change. I’ll change, okay?”

Étienne’s never begged before. Not for this. But something about tonight changes him, as if he feels the end of their relationship unravelling for good and he needs to grasp the ends and tie them back together before it’s lost forever. He needs Edward to understand this foreboding feeling he has. He needs Edward to believe in them just a little longer.

Edward lets a long moment of silence laps until he quietly speaks again. “You always say that.” He already sounds so very far away. Further away than he’s ever been. “Nothing ever ends up changing. I think it’s best we realise that and save what we can before we do each other more damage. I have to go. It’s late.” His tone is final and his mind seems to have been made up and Étienne already breaks inside. It was always one thing being aware that this was going to happen. It is another thing entirely hearing it.

“Edward, wait.” He pleads, one more time. One last shot. One last hope. “This time will be different. I know it can be different. We’ll talk when I get back, okay?”

“Good night, Étienne.”

He’s always been a stubborn fool and he’s not about to change now. “I’ll see you when I get back.” He reiterates, clinging to this one promise. There’s a moment when he thinks maybe Edward will finally reach out, but then the line goes silent, and the call is over.

Étienne looks at the screen on his phone and watches it go black. He pockets the phone away and lets the silence of the nondescript hotel room take over.

Outside the wind picks up and howls, and Étienne walks out.

FIN

#pc: montreal #étienne maisonneuve #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #au #fic #xmas song bonanza 2k23 #rock star au #kinda