#consider: SQH with a whip

[shenqingqiustanaccount]

Hello 👋, since you asked for a short prompt I bring you: SQQ and SQH speaking English with each other when they think nobody is watching them. Usually Memes and downright silly stuff. Or writing English letters to each other.

Of course this comes with:

Husband/boyfriend/admirer jealousy points.

[You can choose whom you pair up with whom]

thank you for your prompt, and also your patience! im sure i didnt go in the direction you expected. this definitely ended up much longer than i wanted. but, you know, my prompt now. (speaking of, anyone can feel free to send me more! i might be very slow getting to it, but thats why i want to practice.)

fic below the cut

The bamboo house exuded a tranquil air; the sort of stillness that enshrouded anyone within ten steps, that pushed away the sounds of strings and birds to another realm. There was a distinct point when The Bamboo Forest became The Bamboo House.

It was, of course, one of Shen Qingqiu's best bluffs. Liu Qingge knew that there were silencing and privacy talismans plastered on every surface inside the house, and yet he still had an infuriating feeling of wow, this place really belongs to some immortal master when walking up. Despite his extensive experience with throwing away useless thoughts, there was nothing he could do to tamp down that feeling away entirely.

So he wasn't fooled for a single damn second when he stepped inside the pseudo-calm aura of The Bamboo House. He had a sense for these things. The bullshitting veneer could not fool him, and neither could it hide the thumps and undignified shrieks that barely managed to pulse past the barrier on the door.

In times like this, Liu Qingge liked to wait outside for a little bit. Just to see if he could catch any words. Even a single mention of an overheard conversation usually had Shen Qingqiu stuttering and blushing, all while pretending that he had any form of dignity left.

"Little shit," Shen Qingqiu's voice spit out. "You- that isn't-"

The next sounds out of his mouth definitely weren't Chinese. It wasn't a language that Liu Qingge was familiar with, but he... might've heard it somewhere else before?

Maybe it was just the privacy talismans causing some trickery. He pressed his ear to the door. If Shen Qingqiu didn't want Liu Qingge to hear anything, he wouldn't have been invited over.

(The fact that Shen Qinqiu's meridian cleansings were regularly scheduled and regularly forgotten shouldn't matter. Probably.)

"I don't even know what that means," Shang Qinghua said. "Dude, I remember, like, fifty words total. Counting the memes. Stop trying to get me to learn anything."

"It's-" Shen Qingqiu heaved a sigh. Liu Qingge could very clearly imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose, as he was wont to do around Shang Qinghua. "We need to figure out something. I do not want to answer any complicated questions if someone intercepts our messages."

"Oh, bro, is that it? Luckily for you, I have a solution."

There was a brief pause, where Liu Qingge seriously considered breaking open the door, before Shen Qingqiu snorted out some truly ugly honks of laughter. He sounded like a goose with a bad cold.

"We'll use body signals. Just be on the lookout for some of this," Shang Qinghua said. "And, if that doesn't get the message across, then we'll have to break out the big guns."

Liu Qingge strained to hear the shifting of robes as Shang Qinghua moved, and then… more of that same foreign language from before.

It sounded really, really familiar.

Liu Qingge broke open the door.

With barely a second's hesitation, Shen Qingqiu whipped around and shrieked, "Liu Qingge!"

He and Shang Qinghua were standing in the middle of the room. Or- used to be, at least. Shang Qinghua ended up on the ground somehow. Along with three separate decorations he took along the way.

"Shang Qinghua," Liu Qingge said, ignoring Shen Qingqiu's sputtering. "What were you saying?"

"How did you- I mean, haha, me? I wasn't saying anything! Nothing incriminating, that's for sure!" Shang Qinghua's hands flailed around and knocked over a fourth expensive-looking art piece. A vein on Shen Qingqiu's forehead visibly pulsed. "Anyway, haha, w- what are you doing here, Liu-shidi?"

"Meridian cleansing," Liu Qingge answered. "What was that language? I've heard it before."

Shen Qingqiu furrowed his brows and looked at his calendar on the wall. "Oh, for the love of- right, of course that was today." He turned back towards Liu Qingge. "What do you mean you've heard it before? Where on Earth did you hear English?"

"Is that what it's called?"

For a second Shen Qingqiu stared at him. Then he snapped his fan open (the one Liu Qingge returned recently, he noted) to cover his nose. "No. I'm just speaking nonsense. Answer the question."

"I don't know where I've heard it. That's why I asked what it was," Liu Qingge said.

They both simultaneously turned to Shang Qinghua, who squeaked and threw his hands up to shield his face.

"Stop looking at me! I don't know anything!" he yelled.

Shen Qingqiu lowered the fan to reveal his full glare. "Oh, really? You don't know anything? How interesting. Funnily enough, I don't know anything about this either, despite my… extensive years of study. Perhaps there are resources on An Ding Peak unavailable to anyone else? Some forgotten scraps of plot- ah, research, that were never made available publicly?"

Liu Qingge wanted to point out that Shen Qingqiu was supposedly more familiar with "English" than Shang Qinghua, and should therefore presumably know where it originated from. Unfortunately Shen Qingqiu is a secretive bastard who refuses to say anything like a normal person, and Liu Qingge wasn't interested in trying to make rocks bleed.

Shang Qinghua flapped his hands around more. His sleeves swung around as if they were filled with something, like rocks, or possibly tea pastries.

"Maybe there was something! Who knows! The only thing I can think of is- ah, never mind. There's nothing, actually."

"Oh?" Shen Qingqiu took a step forward. "What were you going to say? Do you mean that there is something you can think of, and you refuse to share it with your martial brothers? Please, Shang-shidi, show some trust in our bond."

Shang Qinghua looked nervously between the two of them. Liu Qingge crossed his arms and stared him down.

"Okay!" Shang Qinghua smiled at them placatingly, while a drop of sweat made its way down his face. "Now, see, I have very vague memories of… the research I've conducted. And, ah, I confess that most of it was basically just one to four lines written on junk mail, which I guess still counts as canon!" He paused. "That is to say, valid research."

Shen Qingqiu snapped his fan shut and waved for him to continue.

"Ahem. So. There might have been, uh, a couple words written down, probably by- I don't know- some poor guy who was really desperate for money and had to work his ass off for. More research grants? Yeah, that works."

"Get to the point," Liu Qingge said.

Shang Qinghua closed his eyes, clasped his hands in front of his mouth, and took a deep breath. Liu Qingge thought he heard him mutter something like 'This is why no one wants to be around you two.'

"Anyway," Shang Qinghua continued, "the only thing I remember wri- reading about that's even a little bit related to English is…" He hummed and tapped his fingers together. "Well, it was originally a fairy tale, I guess? About a mermaid."

He gave Shen Qingqiu a meaningful look. Shen Qingqiu looked back uncomprehendingly.

"A mermaid who... sang songs?"

Shen Qingqiu's expression didn't change. Shang Qinghua tried to mime a wave with his hand. Liu Qingge racked his brain for any singing mermaids, but he couldn't remember meeting any in specific.

But, actually, he did remember a mermaid thing.

"Is this about that weird underwater city?" he asked.

The two others paused in their one-sided game of charades.

"Underwater city?" Shen Qingqiu said.

"Yes!" Shang Qinghua exclaimed. "Holy shit, wait, did you actually find Atlantis? I assumed you just met a single mermaid and heard her say things."

Before Liu Qingge could respond, Shen Qingqiu said, "Wait a fucking second. Airplane, are you telling me that Liu-shidi rediscovered Atlantis?"

"I'm not not saying that."

"I didn't rediscover anything," Liu Qingge told them, annoyed. "There are still a bunch of people living there."

Shen Qingqiu fluttered his fan at him. "Yes, yes, I'm sure, but how did you get there?"

"Doesn't matter. How do you two know what language they speak?"

Just like Liu Qingge wouldn't bother to interrogate Shen Qingqiu on things he wouldn't answer, it seemed that Shen Qingqiu knew when wringing any more story out of Liu Qingge was pointless.

"Research," Shen Qingqiu answered primly. "I've studied a lot. Dead languages are interesting."

"It's not a dead language. People are still speaking it. I heard them."

"Liu-shidi," Shang Qinghua said, "where did you hear them talking? They aren't supposed to welcome outsiders like you??"

"Castle party."

"Right." Shen Qingqiu walked to the table where they usually had tea together and sat down. "That's enough of that. No one is getting any more answers out of each other. Liu-shidi, come sit. Shang-shidi, goodbye."

"But he-"

Shen Qingqiu pointed his fan toward the door. Shang Qinghua rolled his eyes at him and stole one more pastry from a serving before he left.

"Why were you two talking about English?" Liu Qingge asked once he joined him at the table. His hand rested naturally on Shen Qingqiu's back.

"Nothing important," he said. He leaned back into Liu Qingge's hand and sighed. "Ahhh, I always forget how nice this feels. Thank you, Liu-shidi."

It was only with the ease of practice that Liu Qingge was able to swallow the burning in his throat. He wanted to say I know you and Shang Qinghua need to communicate in secret, but what would that accomplish? That would only lead to Shen Qingqiu trying harder to keep things from him.

Better to just let things rest and hope that he could be there when the time for help finally comes.

#svsss #liu qingge #shen qingqiu #shang qinghua #in absence of binghe lqg is the one that rediscovers atlantis #anyway for some reason i thought it was a good idea to type this all up in discord!! it was not!!! #dont write fanfic in discord!!!!!! #i thought this was going to be less than 1k!!!

[thunderpot]

Another day, another demonic court drama~ 

#svsss #moshang #mobei jun #shang qinghua #consider: SQH with a whip #as well as his usual sword #I strongly headcanon that he really embraced his villain spy self #and only really acts like the hamster he is around 4 ppl #namely his protag son; sqq; mobei and his uncle #because they're some of the most OPS anyway #but to everyone else he actually uses his godly knowledge #and as much as he probably likes seeing mobei kill ppl and enforce his power #mobei also must like seeing how much control SQH can have if he just bothers to use what he knows #in others words #I just love a badass sqh leave me alone #also to those who saw this on discord a couple days ago: yep I revised it just so it would work out with the second pic #apparently weekends are for moshang? #well; at least so far #edited just to fix something very blatant that I left pass for some reason #huh haha #nothing new under the sun

[vermillioncrown]

you know that conversation youre having with your bf/male friends about dicks... any chance zyx would have a similar conversation with sy and sqh + others in the alternate university...

1000000% it is a convo for any iteration of oblivious university, the RT au or alternate universe-ity

how will the need to talk about dicks come up? can it be done in a calm, rational manner?

=

"wake up!"

shen yuan blearily opens his eyes, letting out a squawk when a bright phone flash hits his face. "what the fuck, why are you doing this to me?!"

"i'm haunted. i need answers," zhu yunxun's words sure sound like she's something, alright.

"i took you here, to my family lakehouse, so that you could relax. for your birthday." shen yuan is done. he's so fucking done. he is already sitting up, pulling his sleep shirt down from where it was riding up. "you wanted to 'touch water with your feet', remember? i'll make you do that forever."

"i need you. wait -" she runs out of the room. he hears her launch herself onto shang qinghua's bed, his shrill shriek, and the rumbling stomps of her return.

she's fireman-carrying shang qinghua, whose face is twisted like he's about to cry. zhu yunxun dumps him onto the foot of shen yuan's bed, and uses the other end of the blankets to tuck him in.

"my brother knows hitmen. i'll call them," shen yuan threatens.

"i didn't do anything wrong!" bemoans shang qinghua.

"you two have dicks, right?"

here's the thing. zhu yunxun is, yes, female - yes, a woman. yes she has the woman form. but never has shen yuan ever thought of her in such a way. considered it, never. the implications, whatever it entailed.

why? some first encounters transcend the human form. they were frienemies connected by spirit, from the day he spied her reading epic-length naruto fanfiction in class. from the moment he called her out, and she (while mortified) quipped back, "well, what were you doing at the devil's sacrament?"

(and then shang qinghua walks by and blurts out "hey, i wrote that! you like it so far?")

so.

to be confronted like this was like... breaking a covenant. breaking heavenly order.

"it won't grow back i can't give it to you!" shang qinghua immediately answers.

"what."

it comes back to shen yuan to ask the hard-hitting questions. "why are you doing this. we don't deserve this."

zhu yunxun starts pacing. "believe me, i'd be going after better primary sources had i the cell signal to do so." she continuously... picks up her hands, holding them apart, and clasps them back down onto her thighs.

"dick-havers, what is an average size? how much can you grow? i mean, square-cubed law - eventually it's gonna take too much blood and you'll pass out, but if you're tall you -"

shen yuan just has, "what the fuck?"

shang qinghua finally gets with the program, "how big?" he whips out his phone to take notes.

zhu yunxun has not stopped her rapid pace recitation of her concerns. "- based on the tried and true method of eyeballing it - not that i looked oh my fucking god - ahaaaaaaa no, i didn't mean to touch - um it's - how can it be -" she freezes, and reaches down to her thigh and splays out her hand. even with her 'big ole yaoi fingers' (her words not shen yuan's, thank you), she needs to use the other hand for the end.

"no fucking way," the words fall out of shen yuan's mouth.

"i told you, i fucking told you two - it's possible!" shang qinghua cheers.

"no it's not!" they both shoot back.

"wait, don't you guys know?" zhu yunxun looks so lost.

"no guy goes around looking at other guys' dicks!" shen yuan answers, incredulous.

"so you're not that big?"

"that -" shang qinghua and shen yuan share a look of commiseration, upon realizing the trap that they fell into. "that is a loaded question."

"it's scientific inquiry!"

shang qinghua frowns thoughtfully. "hold up," he interjects, "where did this dick come from? it's not a random thought -"

"- no it's totally random you know me hahahaa -"

"- no, i know you; it's not random." shang qinghua occasionally has bouts of clarity and keen insight, terrifying all that he targets. "this dick happened recently."

"she wasn't weird yesterday," shen yuan throws in.

"i'm always so normal," she protests.

they ignore her.

"this dick happened -" "- today."

shen yuan and shang qinghua look at each other, both on either ends of shen yuan's bed, their thoughts so in sync it felt like true telepathy.

"... the lan brothers were at the lake today -"

"- did she fuck one of the lan brothers?!"

"no no, she wouldn't have had the time; remember? the fishing -"

"- yeah, volleyball - oh, the jiang kids were there, yeah?"

finally, the tables have turned. zhu yunxun has miserably plastered herself against the wall, not meeting their eyes.

"zhu yunxun, how did you come across this penis?"

"... can't it just remain theoretical? a hypothetical penis?"

both shen yuan and shang qinghua, as one, beam her with their phone flashlights.

"answer the question."

#inquiry #Anonymous #zyx au's #mdzyx #svzyx #oblivious university #RT au #alternate universe-ity #biomechanics working group #so what ended up happening was this is far enough in either au's that spicy shit will start to happen (unbeknownst to zyx) #so she has no qualms wearing the skimpiest shit but also forgetting that #aka she is willing to football tackle people to win at games regardless of state of dress #'you don't tackle in beach volleyball' 'shut up' #tldr depending on endgame a specific lan brother plays keep away with the ball w her #and she goes all out trying to get it back #ends up hitting the specific lan per au very hard and feels like she bruised their leg #ends their funtime there; suggests someone take them to a nurse or clinic to get it looked at (since they were hobbling away) #that night goes to bed peacefully 😴 then 😨 #realized how her actions could have been construed #'no no it's okay ... it's -' #realizes that the keepaway was Flirting. oh no. #realizes... she didn't hit a thigh. that was. not a femur bone. #(but speaking of it took me 9+years to realize a similar situation was actually flirting.) #(while the situation was happening i was like 'i will not go home until i win you 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬') #(and my friend was '😏😏 okay verm let's see you win') #(we were playing billiards on his FUCKING RIGGED POOL TABLE) #(even now i'm mad because i lost) #(but you know. cue flirty standing. posture adjustment. ahem.) #(i came to a realization midway through another pool game w verm bf and told him) #(he pat my head and told me he loved how dumb i was)

[neoblogcrying]

“Tea talk”

I wanted to practice trying to write Shang Qinghua, shame™ and all, so here is this. It’s a lil fic about SQQ and SQH talking over cups of tea, discussing their bent husbands. If someone reads this, I hope you enjoy! I did my best to write for our lovely transmigrators. OTL Sorry if it’s no good. |||||||

“You’re telling me the reason why he cries all the time is because you advised him to act weak in front of me?” Shen Qingqiu asked with half his face hidden behind his fan as always.

Shang Qinghua could only nod his head in response. There wasn’t much that he could do about it at the time, you know? He had the protagonist staring at him, looking for answers! He was scared for his life! “Cucumber bro, I wanted to live another day and I told him whatever I could to keep my life. In the end, isn’t it easier to tame him this way?”

Let’s conveniently ignore the fact that it may have awakened the M in him.

No, he was probably already like that due to his upbringing. Shang Qinghua had his ‘lovely Cucumber bro’ to thank for that. It was weird seeing the character that he lovingly created turn bent for the ‘villainous scum’ for that matter!

If he had to explain it, it was like sending off your daughter to marry some punk, who surprisingly ended up being an okay kind of guy. All things considered, Shang Qinghua liked the other male. They were both from Earth and so they could relate to each other about how 'sad' they were.

Certainly, Luo Binghe was easier to deal with this way, but it was still too weird! The gap was immense! Illogical!

It seemed that Shen Qingqiu was willing to let the matter go for now as he brought the tea cup to his lip to sip the tea quietly. There was a contemplative look on his face as he was thinking something over to himself. The imagery of Luo Binghe coming to him alone for advice was too ridiculous. There had to be others there at the time, right?

“Was he the only one you told this to?” Shen Qingqiu raised another good question.

Thinking it over, there were other people there at the time, including Mobei Jun and even Sha Hualing.

“As I’m sure you've guessed, we weren’t alone. I may be shameless, but I wouldn’t try to steal him from you, Cucumber bro. Relax.”

The sound of a tea cup slamming onto the table almost surprised Shang Qinghua out the door. If there were any suspicious movements on his part, he was sure that his ‘son’ would come running out to flay him.

‘I lovingly create you from my own mind and this is how you repay me!?’ He’d cry as he’d get hacked down while clinging onto Luo Binghe’s thighs, begging for life. That’s the scenario the 'Shameless theatre' played in his head.

On the other hand, Shen Qingqiu had his own thoughts running through his mind: ‘Who is worried you’ll steal Luo Binghe away! If anyone could steal him away, they’d be wearing the Protagonist’s halo! How shameless! You may be the author, but there is a limit to how much you want to play at God! If anyone is getting stolen away, it would sooner be me, and Luo Binghe would destroy the world in the end!’

Just thinking about it… how scary! The protagonist was too scary!

Stop thinking about it. Don’t bother with it. Shen Qingqiu had to fan himself to calm himself down.

Ahem.

“Was Mobei Jun there?” He asked calmly.

“Huh? Yeah… he was there, why?”

Why are you bringing him up? Could it be…?

Shock was painted across his face. That can’t be right! There’s no way! How could you thrust such an idea onto him? Show some mercy, will you?

“Cucumber bro, you’re even more shameless than me. Is Luo Binghe not enough for you? He’s got the highest Stallion potential, you know? Now you want Mobei Jun to answer to your beck and call? I won’t have it, even if I have to fight against you.”

“Cut the crap!” A fan came crashing down onto the crown of Shang Qinghua’s head. The latter whimpered in response. He was always being beaten by everyone. Mobei Jun, and now his good Cucumber bro.

Is there anyone in this world who was more pitiful than him?

“I have my hands full with that sticky Luo Binghe. I have no need for another.” He huffed, not caring to hide his annoyance with the other.

Just hearing his name, Luo Binghe peeked his head out from the kitchen. “Did Shizun call for this disciple?” It was like you could see a tail wagging from behind him, he was that happy. Did calling you by name make you that happy? Were you not busy cooking food?

With a displeased snort, he waved a hand to wordlessly tell Luo Binghe to go back to what he was doing, which was cooking food for him to eat. “This Master still hungers.” That was all he needed to say to remind his disciple on what he was doing.

“This disciple will quickly procure a feast for Shizun!” His voice was full of adoration and adulation for his Shizun.

Ha… you really don’t have to go that far…

That being said, Shen Qingqiu was already salivating at the thought, but you couldn’t tell because of his Mater-level poker face!

To think the cool and suave protagonist could turn into such… such… A WHIPPED PUPPY!

Shang Qinghua wanted to cry for his son’s honor, but even he had to admit that Luo Binghe seemed happier this way. For the sake of his son’s happiness… please continue to stick with him. May your ass rest in piece, Cucumber bro. The shameless author offered a prayer for Shen Qingqiu’s ass.

As if he could sense a disturbance in forces, a small shiver ran up Shen Qingqiu’s spine. “As I was trying to say… don’t you think the reason Mobei Jun harbors feelings for you… is because of your words?”

How could that be?

Shang Qinghua had spent many nights laboring over how Mobei Jun turned out this way. He thought that maybe it was his authority as the author that caused this. Who told him to design Mobei Jun to fit all his aesthetics, anyways? It was impossible for him NOT to feel strongly for his own creation.

He had such an attractive face. He was tall and had a nice, firm body. His voice? It sends shivers down his spine (good and bad). He was powerful and had a good lineage as well. What more could you want in a man?

Even now Shang Qinghua looks at Mobei Jun and wonders how it was possible for such a perfect demon could exist. If he had any complaint, it would be that his skin was too cool to the touch and it would make the winter time a struggle.

Mobei Jun was the best (let’s ignore Binghe for now), and he should have legions of women begging for his favor! He was weaker than Luo Binghe, but he was just as strong of a bachelor—BUT! HE! WENT! BENT!!!

Just because your superior goes bent, you do the same thing!? Where is the logic in that!? Shang Qinghua wanted to cry.

Not only that… he… HE REALLY SUCKED IN BED!

Shouldn’t you have some Godly skills or something? He is your maker! He designed you to be skilled in various fields! The author lamented to the skies, conveniently forgetting that he never designed a bent Mobei Jun, so it made sense that he was lacking skills in that area.

Still, he was a quick learner, so he was sure the pain he feels will only last for a short while! Soon enough, he’ll be able to put Luo Binghe to shame! These are the words coming from the author himself, so he can’t be wrong! Shang Qinghua seemed to puff out his chest at the thought.

Though… what did Cucumber bro mean by his words? “What do you mean?”

“In order to appeal to a man, you have to act obedient… cute… weak… lovable… and must evoke a feeling of protection…” Shen Qingqiu kept glancing at Shang Qinghua in between sips of his tea, trying to make a point.

He could only see a poker face to start, but as he spoke, it seemed like the other was finally starting to get it.

HE’D INADVERTENDLY SEDUCED MOBEI JUN WITH HIS OWN WORDS! HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME FOR BENDING MOBEI JUN!!!

“Ughh… no way… I… I bent him myself?” The author lamented. How could he be so blind to not have realized this when he gave advice to Luo Binghe that day? It’s true that Mobei Jun could be characterized as being his ‘ideal man,’ but wasn’t it a shame to have him be bent? He could have all the women he wanted in the world!

Ah… but… who would suit him? Nothing but the best for his Mobei Jun!

Gripping the teacup hard in his hand, he downed the entire cup, almost scalding the top of his mouth in the process. Yep.

Perfection is the only thing that suits perfection. As the author of this world, he is like a God, is he not? Who is more perfect than God? That’s right, no one. In other words, he’s perfection.

Nailed it!

He’d shamelessly tacked on the ‘perfect’ tag onto himself that made him worthy enough to be with Mobei Jun.

Only someone as shameless as this author could do such a thing or write such shameless characters. Face it, the real reason you were transmigrated into Shang Qinghua’s body had to be because you were kindred spirits.

With all seriousness, who understood Mobei Jun the best? Who would know his likes and dislikes better than the author who created him? If anyone knew how to make him happy, it should be him. 

“You blamed me for bending him, but I can throw this back at you. You bent Mobei Jun.” Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. If you blame him for bending Luo Binghe, he’ll blame you for bending Mobei Jun! “Have another cup of tea.”

“Thanks… but I’d rather a cup of wine. How about we toast for our bent husbands?”

#scum villain #svsss #scum villain's self-saving system #neo writes drabbles #((idk what else to tag this as)) #((i really hope i did their characterization justice. i tried otl))

[disownedbytiime]

Funny how certain media/shows/fandoms will make you like things you never thought you’d enjoy! Honestly I never thought I could ever read an a////bo or m///preg ever, but here I am.

Anyway I got hc about the main mx///xt couples having kids so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ll start this by saying that I believe that in the sv and tg worlds m///preg is possible but not in md (since it’s more realistic). And it doesn’t go here but QQ is the same.

– I don’t see Bing//qiu having kids right away. They’d want to live their honeymoon phase for a while (years), and tbh I don’t think LBH is ready to be a dad with all the daddy issues he has. Also I think he’s not yet mature enough to share his husband even with a kid of his own. At the same time, I don’t think SQQ would want to get pregnant because that’s new to him and he’s still coming to terms with the fact that it can happen. Yet, I think years in (and I mean many many years in), when they’re more sure about their relationship and more mature and understood better the world and how they fit into it, they’d agree on having a kid. I kinda see them having a daughter, only one and they’d name her either after BH’s mom or SQQ’s lil sister. I believe they’d be good parents tbh, and it’d be a surprise but I think LBH would be the better parent and oh, he would protect her so much. TLJ would love her btw! But LBH doesn’t like her spending time w him. I think SQQ would want her to cultivate in CQ mountain even tho nobody else wants bc she’s part demon, but YQY would let her. And she’d be in Bai Zhan peak, much to the horror of everybody.

– For Wang//xian, as I said I don’t think they can have kids of their own, but also I don’t see them adopting. I think it’s clear that WWX likes kids (and I’ll always love the moment where he says ‘we only need a little one’ recalling the scene w his parents and comparing it to his relationship with LWJ) but! I think they had enough and will rather now enjoy their life together on their own. Besides, they have tons of juniors that they watch over. I think they’d consider LSZ their kid, and that’s enough. They’ll see him growing up and turning into a fine man. They also watch over JL and the others, but more like in a uncles’ way. So I think they’re good. (I’m obsessed with them living their life like WWX imagined in a cottage and not at the sects)

– As for Hua//lian I do see them having kids, maybe not right away but not that many years in like with BQ. I think HC would be the one who wants them first, and once XL gets over his embarrassment about the pills that the ghosts offered, he’d accept bc he’s pretty whipped (tbh both of them are), and after the first one he’d want more. And I kinda see them having 2-3. Boy and girl (or two boys and girl) or all boys. I do, however, believe that they wouldn’t be the best parents out there. They’d try, but they have so many responsibilities that it may be difficult. Fortunately they have E//ming and Ruo///ye to babysit! And also YY and maybe BY and PS and the r//ain master?? Imagine even HX. They’d have tons of uncles (and adopted siblings) that would care for them. They’d even have cousins! (C/uocuo and G/uzi). Anyway depending on when this happens and if SQX is still alive, he’d be the cool but bad influence uncle. But other than him, most of the others are cool uncles that will watch over the kids while the parents are too infatuated with each other. And oh! When QR comes back he’d also be terrible influence on him! He’d tell him he’ll eat him and G/uzi would have to stop him, but I also headcanon that when he comes back, he’s less… gremlin and less intense. He’d still be a nuisance but somehow calmer and would rather spend his free days with his son, so I think he’d enjoy being a gremlin uncle. And it may remind him of his and XL’s infancy. HC doesn’t want him near his kids, but yk it sometimes just happens.

Now! The other canon ship and other non canon ones.

– Mo//shang would definitely have many many kids. I think it’s a common hc that they’d want kids bc of how neglected they were when they were kids. And also bc MBJ needs a heir. So they’d have many. And I think SQH would be scared at first –just like with SQQ, this didn’t exist in their world– and okay, maybe every time he’d get scared, but once he sees the kids, he’d be fine with it. Until next time. They’d have both girls and boys, but I’m not sure yet what i want the first one to be. Surprisingly they’d be the best parents from all this list. I think that LBH would see their growing family and that’s one of the things that pushes him into wanting kids btw. The half demon/half human kids would grow in both demon and human realm, but I don’t see them getting into CQ mountain as disciples. Or maaaybe one? Only one from all the bunch who’s more human-like than the others. Maybe into Qing Jing peak to annoy SQQ or in the one MQF is bc I also see them being healers. In any case, many of the kids inherited the love for bad writing from their dad, something that SQQ loathes. ((Or maybe twins get in, one is QJ and the other in that other one, but both kids pester their uncle SQQ daily with their writings!))

– Bing//jiu would definitely have many kids. Not exactly bc SJ wants, but LBH would want to have him pregnant all the time to keep him there and show everybody he’s his. SJ would say how disgusting it is, but secretly he’d love it too. He’d give LBH more kids than his other wives and he’d take pride of their kids being “superior.” Their fist kid would be a daughter (like with BQ). They’d be okayish parents, LBH would always be away ruling the world so he’s kinda absent, but he’d lavish them with gifts and nice food and other stuff. SJ would take care of them and of their education. He’d be stern but he’d also be quite spoiling –something BG doesn’t like–. We just have to keep SHL away from them btw.

– LMY/SHL (idk their ship name) wouldn’t have kids I think. I definitely don’t see SHL being a good mother at all, and honestly LMY? Keep your literature away from kids, it’s not appropriate. Buuuut maybe they (mostly SHL) end up roped into babysitting BQ’s and MS’s babies and oh she’d hate it and would ask LMY for help (maybe MS’s kids would get their love for writing from here too), and after a while, after they grow up, they may start thinking it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Until the next mo//shang baby comes and they’re like: uhhh not again…. So yeah I think they wouldn’t.

– Quan//yin wouldn’t have them bc YY is too busy and he doesn’t want them and QYZ is basically still a kid.

– Beef//leaf…. Ah, realistically it’d be the easiest since the both of them change forms a lot, but I think they’d wait also. (They need to get over their traumas first). Since I firmly believe that SQX prefers their female form and HX their male form, SQX would carry the kid. I think they agree on having only one but they end up with twins, and that’s okay. HX would be the responsible father with SQX being more scatterbrained, yet he’d try hard. (After watching his nephews before he’d know what to do better!) (I’m ignoring canon a lot here, this is in a world where they are together and SQX is immortal again).

– Xue//Xiao and Xi//Yao are unfortunately </3 not possible anymore so I won’t say much, but if they weren’t dead Xue//Xiao wouldn’t have any bc they have A//Qing already and ngl I doubt they’d be good parents at all. Xi//Yao do deserve kids and I think they’d be nice parents, albeit too protective.

– I’m not super into this ship, but since I saw some art earlier (the first I ever see) I’ve been thinking about them. I think FX and Jian//Lan should be given a new opportunity and they should give C/uoCuo a sibling! An alive one. (If it makes sense bc the mother is a ghost herself). I think they could make it work.

And last, again it doesn’t go here but:

– Yan//Shen should not adopt more kids. They have 5 already and ngl SQ is not the best dad. He kept collecting kids and then abandoning them to save the world. Not cool. YWS seems a bit better but at the same time he left YSY when he was like 10 and then disappeared for 10 years, so yk first take care of the kids you already have and then you can think about having more.

#cn rambling/ #I may add more later but I think these are the only ones I like more??? #ah didn’t include the peis but ehhh #I didn’t include ran///wan bc a few days ago I learnt something new and I’m still thinking about it #If I make a continuation then I may add them idk