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a-magpie-witchling · 7 years

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KAY CRAFTY WITCHY HOES GATHER UP

Does this count as a witch post? I don’t know, but there’s a lot of cursing and I hurt myself and I know y’all like that

kinky little bastards

SO ANYWAY

I may or may not be an alcoholic, but the important thing is that I’ve got a lot and I mean a LOT of champagne corks, so I said to myself “hey, I should do something C R A F T Y with these, else they’ll end up as buttplugs which wouldn’t be too sanitary.”

Although I’m sure I could make some fat cash out of that…

TOO LATE TO BACK UP NOW BECAUSE I ALREADY GATHERED MY MATERIALS

WHICHS IS ACTUALLY A LIE BECAUSE I TOOK THAT PIC AFTER I WAS DONE

bitches will say it’s censored not to show the final result

SO OUR MATERIALS ARE

oh wait I haven’t told you what we’re making haha

we’re making magickal stamps. there. happy? come for the crafty shit, stay for the impeccable writing.

SO OUR MATERIALS ARE!

Champagne corks or really pretty much any sort of soft cork or rubber shit although I highly recommend champagne's because it’s much softer

Something to draw on

Something to draw with

The SHITTIEST scissors around I mean that crap should be so useless it makes you go “a lesbian scissor cuts more than this, why do we even still have this thing”. It’s very important that you get the scissors so we end up not using them.

An [infomercial voice] X-acto Knife©®℗™… PFFT. Forget that gringo shit, get something sharp and pointy, a scalpel would be good for precision but don’t fret. In the meanwhile also take the time to shank a bitch.

Some tissues becase I’m a mucus volcano and hadn’t stopped sneezing in two days

Now basically you will find two kinds of corks:

Cold weather and warm weather *snorts at own joke*. Go with the mushy soft one (right) because the one in the left is too compressed and will be a pain in the ass *snorts again* to carve.

Now at this point I’m there taking pictures looking like a total pro and behaving totally C R A F T Y (whenever I say that you gotta picture that glittery music in the background)

BUT ON THE INSIDE I’M LIKE OMG WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO I’VE NEVER EVEN DONE THIS SHIT BEFORE ALRIGHT SO I GUESS I SHOULD CHOOSE SOMETHING TO CARVE

So I go to Google and I’m like “maybe a heart? Maybe a triangle? Maybe a pictorial representation of my crushing depression?”

But then I’m like well, what’s my name? Rihanna The MAGPIE Witchling!

So I found a lot more minimalist magpie silhouettes than I would have expected, I drew my own based on that

And hOLY FUCK IT’S REALLY UGLY.

And don’t even get me STARTED on those nails

Queen Cristine would be so disappointed

Look at that

That’s the face of a disillusioned senpai.

Maybe I should try her Trump nails

Wait, what was I talking about?

OH YEAH

C R A F T Y S H I T

So I took my initial “””design””” and kind of tried to reproduce it on the cork?

youtube

WE NEED SOME MUSIC TO MOVE ON AND MAYBE SOME TEQUILA CON SAL BENDECIDA CON SOL BECAUSE SHIT, THIS JUST GOT UGLIER.

Now, be smart kids. You don’t HAVE to try and recreate the original drawing, you can use carbonic paper, cut the normal paper neatly and then trace the silhouette, etc.

But aunt Rami is a fucking idiot so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Final result:

And let me tell you doing this was a LOT easier than I would have expected. Like, I seriously was prepared to realize this had been a waste of time, that I’m painfully useless for this shit, etcétera. But no! The cork was REALLY easy to carve (I secretly have an open tab with only the word carve in it ‘cause I don’t remember if it’s carve or crave. Fuck the English language).

So I decide to try it out

And sistah this is my first attempt at this and I already feel like a fucking PRO.

But the main problem is that the image is too small and complex, I think. So then I’m like “Imagine [all the people] if the original design wasn’t ABSOLUTE TRASH.”

So what do I do?

PLAGIARIZE, OF COURSE.

I found this image by Julie Magers Soulen and I’m pretty sure that it’s actually a photograph instead of a minimalist drawing in which case HOLY FUCK, GIRL

And I kinda tried to reproduce it on a cork but it was just too large so I cut one in through the center vertically and I ALMOST FUCKING SLICED MY PINKY IN TWO LIKE FUCKING BYE BYE LIBRA MOUNT WE’RE LEAVING CHIROMANCY AND MOVING SOLELY TO TAROTISM.

Aaaafter cleaning the blood from all over the place, I chose to use a kitchen knife like a normal human being to cut the cork in half.

I fucked up because I did it in two slices, which ultimately gave me a slightly uneven pressing surface. Don’t make my mistakes, son… Be the better man *fake mustache proceeds to fall from my upper lip*

In the meanwhile my phone vibrates and hey guys! #shoutout

BACK TO THE GODDAMNED BIRD (that’s all this blog is about, seriously. And no. There’s no such thing as going to the point in my religion.)

This is the final stamp. Mh, not half bad. Let’s try it out.

So after messing up with the ink a dozen times I realize that since I’m using PRINTER INK it’s way too liquid, so I let it dry for a couple of minutes and finally

OMG

FUCKING LOOK AT THAT.

IT’S TOO BEAUTIFUL.

I MADE THAT.

THAT’S MY CHILD.

#PARENTALPRIDE

That’s how it looks without so much fucking liquidy pansy ink.

AND BRUH, I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR LIKE, FIFTEEN MINUTES.

Ok, that’s a “””very pretty””” stamp, Rami, but, like what does that have to do with witchcraft?

Huh? Oh, nothing, this is shameless self promotion, I just filled your dashboard with magpies.

AH! WAIT! I CAN MAKE SOMETHING UP!

No but really, I will use these stamps on my grimoire and hear me out

SIGIL STAMPS.

Like, say you’re feeling generous. Make a lucky sigil and go around town with your sigil stamp and an ink pad leaving it on the floor, the corners of signs…

If the ink is washable that doesn’t even count as vandalism xD

Also, if you are careful enough with the carving of the negative space and give the cork stamp a nice thick layer of a protective spray or liquid, you can even use these as wax stamps!

Use beetroot ink and stamp your sigils on the leaves of your plants. Use permanent ink and mark your witchy jars. Soften the wax of your candles and use your stamps to leave a mark in them.

And we spent like… only the money we used for the booze in this!

MAKE THE BEST OUT OF YOUR ALCOHOLISM (?

I had a picture of me giving a thumbs up but you could see a bit of my face, so, safety reasons, ha. INSTEAD HAVE A CRAFTY MAGPIE YAY. SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?

-Semiramis, The Magpie Witchling

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