#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I

[pepprs]

crying again lol ok

#purrs #and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking #damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I #miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out #FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks #being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i #even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just #text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or #at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju #just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an #and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be #been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode #and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b #be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a #breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing #on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here #delete later #like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway #and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy. #retreat tag

[queenpinesofdomino]

Thoughts on season 2 because I’m hurt and i want to talk about it

Ep 6

Fuck! into the abyss we go!

Things Aziraphale has in the bookshop because he has trauma from the fire.

fake candles with batteries

and 4 fire extinguishers

at Heaven

Crowley somehow knows Muriel’s division

Crowley is soooo gentle with Muriel I love it. I think that in season 3 Crowley will be helping Muriel adjust on earth. Maybe he wont be going back at the bookshop but he might be popping up here and there like he did with Aziraphale.

“throne or dominion and above.” *casually opens the files* QUESTIONS!?

Crowley is surprised when Saraqael addresses him with his demon name and again doesn’t remember them but I think he’s lying this time. I wonder if Saraquel and Crowley were on the same division.

Ok here’s the thing. On the trial all the high up angels see and talk with Metatron BUT later they don’t recognize him. Not even Aziraphale’s recognize him BUT Crowley does.. if Gabriel had his memories would he recognize him as well? Is that a hierarchy thing or is it because he fell? Did Crowley talk with him the same way Aziraphale did last season and then took the decision to fall?

Metatron said that Gabriel couldn’t fall cuz they could only allow one prince to fall and that clearly is a Lucifer thing right?

Beelzebub is so gentle with their flies ,so cute

When Gabriel and Beelzebub held hands Aziraphale put his hand on Crowley’s shoulder (yes im normal about this)

I can't with Crowley! he’s sending them to Alpha Centuri lol

Question. What are the consequences of letting an Archangel and a Duke of hell leave. Like Lucy and the other angels the first time left because there was no “bad side” and someone had to be it, so they fell and made hell, but now it's bc the want to? Like they are not becoming humans they are just peacing out. And they are the “leaders”!! If Aziraphale and Crowley left they would have being just replaced but you can’t replace a fucking Archangel and a Duke can you? They do put Shax and Aziraphale (allegedly) but can they actually replace them?

Shouldn’t there be a hierarchy requirement for that like… Aziraphale is a principality how low is he? Muriel is the lowest and Metatron is the highest. Then there is Gabriel the Archangel who is in charge but they say that he is higher than Michael for some reason even tho google says there are three Archangels Gabriel, Michael and Raphael. So technically those three should be the same level no?

Then is Uriel and Saraquel.

If you don’t want to put Michael into Gabe’s position why not Saraquel?

I get the demon’s thing bc they are more chaotic and Shax is the smartest demon after Crowley and Beelzebub, but the angels confused the fuck out of me

And on that is God and Satan aware that this is happening? Are they just vibing with this whole situation? What the hell is happening?!

Im so here for the coffee theory

Metatron gives me the creeps

“Except the dim one” about Muriel. Interesting because so far they are the only angel dosed in light whenever they are on screen. Plus if we want to be literal she is the purest angel in that room all the other angels have “sinned” one way or another.

Insert coffee theory

Aziraphale is very cold at the beginning when talking to Metatron, then he drinks from the coffee and then when he listened to Metatron’s proposition he became warmer (but in the end he got manipulated into it)

“it’s very delicious”

“yes…I jolly hope so” that’s sus as fuck.. also he wanted to say damned but cant cuz he is the Metatron.

Aziraphale looks at Crowley for permission to walk with the Metatron and they give Crowley the MEANEST NASTIEST DEATH GLARE!!!

“we need a little US time” yes. please, fuck

Also I wonder what book Muriel was gonna take originally

“There’s only one candidate who makes the slightest bit of sense, you” WHY THO?!! You want a puppet. Someone to execute the plans that God and Satan have without asking questions or saying no. That’s why you let Crowley go and that’s why you fired Gabriel. Michael and Uriel are as powerhungry as angels can be but why not put Saraquel ?! Aziraphale is literally going against the status quo, albeit accidentally yes, since the Garden so why him?

(i have a theory on that)

Moving on

 “Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever” WHO GAVE YOU THIS IDEA THO? You collect books. Yes you know that nothings lasts forever cuz you are an immortal being living among the mortal but that is a “new” mentality for an optimistic character. Again you collect books. Books that are made from organic matter. Books that almost got burned. Aziraphale didn’t stop having the bookshop after the fire, he took precaution so that it wont happen again. That’s not an “nothing lasts forever” mentality if you ask me. It was either from the coffee or he was meant to say something else.

I would like to point out that Crowley took his glasses off when he tried to speak first and put them back on after “nothing lasts forever”. Thank you im not ok

AZIRAPHALE WAS CRYING WHEN CROWLEY LEFT AND METATRON CAME IN

And he’s hesitating HAAAARD

Like he knows that’s the wrong choice. He even tries to change his mind, or change the terms of the agreement but decides not to.

AND HE KEEP STARING AND SEARCHING FOR CROWLEY OUT OF HIS FUCKING WINDOW. THE ONE CROWLEY KEEPS LOOKING AT HIM FROM THE OUTSIDE. THE ONE OVER HIS DESK.

I CANT WITH THIS SHOW.

I AM DECEASSED. And im going to bed..jesus   

#good omens #good omens episode 6

[pridewhatpride]

do you have any gx rivalshipping hcs!! im super curious on your take of them :]

When I saw this ask my immediate reaction was thinking: "Yes, I have an excuse to talk about gx rivalshipping, YES."

So yeah. I love this ship a lot, like a whole damn lot and it's a little hard to explain why, especially when gx has so many open possibilities for romances involving Judai. By which I mean two, really, and Manjoume is not one of them (sadly for me). I am referring to Yubel and Johan, by the way, I refuse to acknowledge Asuka as a love interest.

I'll start off with a bit of fluff headcanons?

Manjoume thinks Winged Kuriboh is really cute and that its friendly and fluffy appearance screams Judai, in a way. But he will never admit it because of what that might imply for him and the Ojamas.

Manjoume is fueled by caffeine and monster, he only really starts to recognise how nice it can be to have a meal because of how much Judai enjoys his food. He tries to sit at the table with him with dumb excuses.

Judai feels a bit guilty for how his actions impacted Manjoume's life, but Manjoume generally tells him that it's fine, it's better this way, that he's never this happy, that the only reason why Judai should maybe feel bad about it is because of his tendency to get overly invested in other people's problems and getting hurt in the process. Judai responds with bear hugs.

Manjoume brags about Judai a lot, actually. "Oh you think that's cool? One time Judai managed to do a backflip, you loser." "Slifer reds suck, but they do have redeeming qualities, by which I mean one of them is actually good."

Judai likes to indulge himself in the thought that he's Manjoume's most trusted, that he's the only one who could ever be allowed to have that many incriminating pictures of him. Because Judai just loves taking candid pictures of Manjoume. He thinks he looks and and cool in every situation, so yeah. A part of him does it because he has an inexplicable fear of forgetting people and the way they look, but he just can't say why that is.

They hang out in silence a lot, but once they start talking they just never stop. You'll find them on the beach at 3 am with a smiling Manjoume listening to Judai go on about how crazy it is that you can fry food in so many different ways and how he once caught a butterfly as a kid and named it Kujaku.

They share their music a lot, so Manjoume's tastes switch from just emo to fast paced rap and the weirdly happy sounding songs about very morbid things Judai listens to (plus emo). Judai starts to enjoy a bit of angry screaming into microphones thanks to Jun. Do they sing along like idiots as they share earphones? Yes. Is Manjoume mesmerised by Judai's singing voice? Also yes.

Judai loves hiking and sometimes invites Manjoume, but because he's a lot weaker and has less stamina, they take it slow. Manjoume keeps cursing himself for being slow and dead weight, but Judai is just happy to have a companion. Admittedly, going slower makes the walks better as he has the time to enjoy the scenery properly. He never teases Jun about his lack of physical training.

Now... I wanted to talk about my general view on the ship, plus headcanons I guess, but this is going to be EVEN LONGER (you are getting more than you asked for, your fault for enabling me, really). For the sake of the sanity of mobile users, I'm adding a cut so nobody has to unwillingly scroll through endless text.

On to the the juice, then. My thoughts on the ship. Manjoume and Judai are, of course, the rivals of the series and, if my thoughts on rivalry weren't clear enough, I am one of those people. It's just really romantic to me. What is very interesting about the two of them specifically is that they are polar opposites in the way the reason why they play, throughout the whole series. Hell, their views end up getting reversed completely: Manjoume goes from "if I don't win I'm gonna have a breakdown breakdown" to "losing is ok, as long as I enjoy the game and am true to myself", while Judai does the 180 from "I really just love playing cards with my friends, who cares about the outcome, it's fun" to "I have card game related trauma, nobody speak to me, games are only an excuse to assert a sort of power scale and honestly fuck that".

Manjoume is sort of the only person in the 'friend group' (he's never actually part of it, sadly, literally only Judai and Fubuki like him) to not idolise Judai, not explicitly. He clearly has an admiration for Judai from the beginning, but he is adamant on expressing it as hatred towards for being better than him. A part of me feels that a lot of his superior act is meant to try and fool himself and Jaden into thinking that he's a worthy rival, because I know for a fact that Manjoume doesn't believe that. He wants it to be true, yes.

What I am trying to get at is that Judai is probably a little confused by the fact that Manjoume doesn't drool all over him like the rest of the school does, but it soon becomes a crutch. Judai is under a lot of pressure because he is the hero who will save everyone and people like to remind him of how much they count on him. Manjoume is in it for Judai. He wants to be acknowledged by him, he wants his recognition and his attention, but he never asks for help or expects Judai to fix his problems for him. Judai is probably thankful for that.

Manjoume is also really scared of being left behind and cast aside as soon as he stops being useful and that's exactly what the writers do to him!!! hooray!, but Judai keeps insisting that he's not a bad guy, that he's fun to be around, that he's competent. Manjoume doesn't really believe all that that much, but Jaden keeps playing him despite his repeated losses and to Jun that's the equivalent of someone kissing his tears away. Manjoume only learns to accept his losses and shortcomings because Judai did it for him first.

So basically Manjoume is the only one who fully sees Judai as a person, while Judai is the only one who is really willing to look past his pretentious facade. I fully believe that Judai was relieved to learn that Manjoume was not just a perfect boy with perfect manners, by the way. They both just love to learn about every imperfection that the other has and silently thinking that they just add to the beauty of the other's character. Will they tease eachother about it? Fuck yes. Do they feel awful when the other tries to fix something about themselves because they pointed it out? Also fuck yes.

They are in a dumb competition against themselves to be better in order to earn the right to be friends with eachother, but because they are fucking dumb they never actually communicate (until they do), so for a long time it's endless pining that is definitely not gay because admittedly Judai just doesn't think that dating is a thing, while Manjoume is straight™, really straight. He has never liked a boy in his life, he's so very fucking straight, I swear.

So Manjoume is a bisexual disaster (and in my headcanon he prefers boys, actually, the Asuka incident is the biggest example of denial™ ever. He prefers Fubuki, fight me over this). The problem is that he never really considered he might be crushing on Judai, but at the same time admitting to maybe liking boys too means that there was more to wanting to stay at DA, to hanging out with Judai's crew despite their mutual dislike, to his continuous playful headlocks and ear pulling. To add onto that, there is probably a certain amount of guilt over having betrayed that bond with Judai by trying to throw away his cards and everything. Judai, on the other hand... is confused at how bothered he is by the public declarations of love, because Manjoume is his rival and rivals are supposed to focus on eachother, not on some girl, no matter how good said girl is at card games.

So maybe they are a bit gay for eachother. And maybe they just want excuses to be together as much as possible. And it's really just the vibe of highschool romance between two people who don't want to admit to caring for one another on a deeper level, but are also weirdly possessive of eachother for no apparent reason. And I think I'll stop here with my gay retelling, but really if you look at the two of them you do see that they do a lot for eachother's characters. It's kind of beautiful, really. They are the two socially inept characters who find comfort in someone being just like them and understanding them as they change and grow up.

I have a lot to say about how that changes once the transfer students come in, but I think I've bored everyone for long enough- as in nobody will read this lol. That's ok. I thank you again for the ask and for allowing me to gush about this ship that is so close to my heart. If anyone ever wants to talk about them, just. Do. Break into my house at night and I still won't mind, I just want to talk about them.

#shut me up #i'm so sorry #i started and i couldn't stop #i also didn't want to be disappointing by giving an half-assed response #i've thought about this ask all night #i still improvised the whole thing and i'm sure you can tell #yugioh #ygo #yugioh gx #ygo gx #gx rivalshipping #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #yuki judai #judai yuki #jaden yuki

[hxydnbxby]

ight so

i was dreaming bout felix last night. so we went to the same school okay. and i lost my phone. but we’re in some sort of science class i think so that don’t matter yet. so felix is in said science class alright and somebody who’s friends with him starts talkin about him or whatever. so i ask said friend of lee fucking felix if he could get the man himself to talk to me. felix gets all blushy and cute and shit and he’s like ‘yea sure. that’s fine with me’ so good ole christopher bang who’s sitting right in front of him gets up and takes my seat so i sit down right in front of lee god damn you cute mother fucker felix okay. so i start talking to felix and he’s STILL all blushy and cute and what not. so i put my hand on his. he literally almost had a damn heart attack with that one. so he puts his forehead on mine and closes his eyes alright. his face is so. freakin. red. so red nct could’ve written firetruck about him. not the point. so felix opens his eyes and he sits up more. mister “i’m too shy to talk to you or even look at you” has done a complete 360. he starts flirting and he touches our noses together and he’s all smiley. then he asks for my number. and well wouldn’t ya know it i doNT HAVE MY MCFRICKIN PHONE. so i ask to just put my number in his phone. he hands me his phone and it’s THE FREAKING CUTEST PHOTO ALRIGHT. SO ITS THIS

BUT HES IN THE STREETS AT NIGHT WITH THAT BIG ASS SMILE

YEA YOU KNOW THE ONE. AND OH. MY. GOD. HE LOOKED SO PRECIOUS. anyway. so the person that was sitting next to him got up and left okay. so he was like “yo hayden come sit next to me” and i was so distracted by his lockscreen that this man had to take his phone and put it on the desk right beside him. and he was like “let’s give chan his seat back” and i’m still in my daze like “yea. cool. fine by me” so i get up and stand next him on the other side of his desk and that man says “bro you don’t have to stand there” and when chris comes back to his seat okay chris looks at me. then looks at felix. then back at me. and he says “what did you do to the poor baby while i was gone” and felix says “well i asked for her number and she said” then he waits a long ass time for me to finish his sentence but IM STILL DAZED. THAT PHOTO OF LIXWAS JUST THAT BEAUTIFUL OKAY. and chris says “she doesn’t have it” so lix says “yea how’d you know” and lo and fuckin behold christopher bang has my phone. he holds it up in front of me so i reach for it but he’s like “no way bro. give lix your number then you can have it back” and lix just laughs at him and says “she was going to until she saw my lockscreen” and by then i was sick and tired of the abuse so i sat down and told felix to unlock his phone and he does. so i put my number in and then i go to his camera roll to look at more beautiful pictures of my favorite boy. and apparently chris over there in front of felix had been plotting that little stunt for a while because there were even candids of me in that class that chan took himself when i turned to stare at felix. and i was like “so chris really is out here tryin somethin huh” and lix says “i swear to god hayden i had nothing to do with it” and he got all pouty when he thought i was suggesting he put chris up to it. he was so cute wow.

so cut to after class alright. lix and chan walk me to my next class. then after that only chan walks me to my next class. he hasn’t heard from felix. i haven’t heard from felix. the friend that got felix to talk to me haSNT HEARD FROMFELIX OKAY. ITS THE END OF THE DAY AND WERE PANIKING. and these kids are crowding around a small closet. some fool is yelling for vernon when that man literally walked out the door behind me on the way out of class. but everyone else is yelling for yongbok. and then there’s another group who shoved lix in the fucking closet in the first place. so i go over and make them give me the key to the closet. and they’re like “we can’t do that. cheyenne won’t allow it” and since nobody knows. this bitch cheyenne pisses me off. like even in my god damn dreams. she’s a lil fuckin mean girl. but anyway. this lil bitch takes the key and is like “ha bitch got ya man” so i knocked hell out of her said “yea i don’t think he hoes- i’m sorry- goes for hoes” and then i let him out of the closet and he says “baby” in the smallest voice with tears streaming down this poor baby’s face. his voice even cracked man. that shit hurted. and he tackled me and hugged me so tight on the ground. then he kisses me. HE. KISSED. ME. LEE. FELIX. KISSED. ME. and then i pull back and asked what happened. he tells me he was waiting outside my classroom for me and they dragged him to the closet. he says “den i thought i was gonna fucking die in there” and busted into tears again. so i kissed his forehead and got up okay. and he asks what i’m doing so i tell him “let’s just go to someone’s house. cuz like the floor isn’t comfortable” and he nods and clings onto me for dear life. so we go to my house since no one is there and the second we step foot in my house he collapses on the floor in fucking tears. so i set his head in my lap and wipe his tears and play with his hair. he says “baby” in such a small voice that i start crying with him. so i get and grab his hand and show him to my room. and in the midst of my very “well thought out” attempt at not letting him see me cry this boy asks me “why are you crying baby” again in his small voice that made me cry in the first place. so instead of answering i just sat on my bed and made him sit next to me. but he didn’t wanna sit next to me. this big ass baby boy wanted to sit in my lap and cry into my shoulder. this poor baby was shaking. so i asked him if he wanted to change into something else and cuddle but he says no. instead he just lays me down on my bed and kisses my neck lightly. but he’s such a mess from being locked in the closet that he starts crying again. so i just held him tight and promised i’d never let him go. and i never did.

so there’s that. that’s like. a whole one shot for felix. r i p. this took forever to type. ok bye now