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magnusbanewastaken · 3 years

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ONE NIGHT AT MR. DRY'S

SUMMARY: Nothing ever happens on Wednesday. Well, there was always something happening, especially in New York, but those ‘somethings’ barely amount to anything worthwhile. Like cogs and sprockets within an automaton, everyone and everything just simply are, evermoving and existing in uninspiring mundaneity, especially on Wednesdays.

RATING: G

CHARACTER/S: Magnus Bane

also @ ao3

Nothing ever happens on Wednesday. Well, there was always something happening, especially in New York, but those ‘somethings’ barely amount to anything worthwhile. Like cogs and sprockets within an automaton, everyone and everything just simply are, evermoving and existing in uninspiring mundaneity, especially on Wednesdays.

What was typically a place of raucous revelry and evenings filled with unbridled guilt, Mr. Dry's would sing a different tune that night. Despite the speakeasy only occupying a small space hidden behind a wig shop, enough for about twenty or thirty people moving and bumping into each other at a time, having it be occupied by no more than ten patrons almost makes it seem as spacious as the Plaza Hotel lobby. Most of the space was reserved for the dance floor and the stage, but there were no patrons wearing out the surface of the dance floor tonight. The band wasn't there either, save for the pianist playing a soulful, delicate tune to match the serene ambience of Mr. Dry's.

Connor Brannigan was a pale man with a long, severe face, and a mess of auburn hair like the autumn foliage in Central Park. He wore a lose-fitting dark grey three-piece suit and an untied bowtie hanging around his neck. He looked to be in his thirties but he was actually just in his early twenties and he had his stern and serious visage to blame for that. He was a difficult man to read at first glance but his eyes and hands, both gentle and passionate, would tell you a different story. He could play the liveliest upbeat melodies with the rest of his band on the weekends, one might even catch a glimpse of a smile on his face too, but it was on slow days like these when he preferred to play the most. He was practically playing for an empty room, but the pianist's demeanor and focus was the same as he would have any other night. Though he seemed to be quite a daunting person at first, he was not exactly a difficult man to connect with. Like any other man, he reacts quite well with the right kind of drink.

Behind the marble bar in the far side of Mr. Dry's stood its proprietor and only barman for tonight, Magnus Bane. He appeared to be quite the respectable young man with his perfectly coiffed hair, sharp bright eyes, and prepossessing smile, though no one would imagine someone who looked as young as he was would own the joint. He was wearing a gothic-style, midnight blue waistcoat over a white dress shirt that's unbuttoned just enough to expose his bare chest. The sleeves were rolled up to this elbows so it wouldn't restrict his movements as he mixed drinks. He filled in the shaker in his hands with ice then poured in some whiskey and a chilled, strong brew of earl grey tea. He capped off the open end of a shaker and shook it so that it all blends well together as he hummed along to the tune that Connor was playing. He poured out the light rusty brown liquid into a glass pint then topped it off with ginger ale and stirred it before setting it on a tray. He filled up another glass with just water and let it sit next to his cocktail concoction before putting up the countertop to get to the other side of the counter. He skillfully picked up the tray with one hand then made his way towards the stage.

“Your drink, sir,” Magnus called out with his most charming smile as he approached the pianist, setting his drinks on the coasters placed atop the piano. Connor turned his head to face him without interrupting his playing.

“Thanks, Boss,” he smiled and nodded at him in acknowledgement.

He kept playing, even with one hand, as he took a swig off the drink, inhaling the spicy scent of the whiskey cocktail. Magnus called it The Piano Man in his head since the colour reminded him of the pianist's red hair and the taste of his fiery yet firm passion when playing. Magnus hasn't exactly been a fan of redheads before or green eyes, but people who had a penchant for music and the arts in general have appealed to him. There was just something about the way they made him feel safe and loved even without saying a word. It's a shame what happened to his fiancée, but even after five years he has never taken his ring off. Magnus admired him for that.

As soon as Connor set down his empty glass and went back to playing with both hands, he smoothly segued into a slightly more upbeat and soulful tune compared to the slow and serene one he had been playing. The pianist's expression subtly lit up which made Magnus perk up a bit as well. No one was sitting by the bar right then as the few people in attendance were satisfied with the bottles of beer they had on the tables, so Magnus thought to stay with Connor for a moment. They didn't speak, if one could believe Magnus capable of not speaking for more than a minute, but he was more than satisfied with just listening to Connor play.

“Magnus Bane!” came a voice that echoed throughout the room. Magnus recognized it but did not want to hear it at all, not when it was one of the few quiet nights of respite he had at Mr. Dry's. Connor seemed to know who it was too as he simply said, “Good luck,” and punctuated it with a light chuckle.

After getting a pat down from the doorman, the young man who called out to Magnus followed him back to the bar area. He looked to be barely even legal to drink but he was very clearly made of money and people like him normally think they were above the law. His name was George Vanderbluff and was the shining example of the privileged. He had blonde hair combed neatly, parting towards the right. He also had bright, ocean blue eyes which Magnus would normally be enthralled by, but on other people, not George. He was wearing a loud, yellow, patterned full suit lined with jewels at the lapel and a vest to match but he did not wear any dress shirt underneath. He was adorned in fine gold jewelry around his neck and his hands and wrist and just generally stuck out like a sore thumb. If Magnus was going to be honest, he thought the young man was looking quite tacky even for him who, on special occasions, liked to be adorned in all things glittering and sparkling.

“Magnus, my friend, I see business is slow these days,” he spoke in an annoying, nasally voice with a terrible imitation of a Trans-Atlantic accent. Or at least that's how it sounded like to Magnus.

“It's a Wednesday, George, unlike you some people have jobs to busy themselves with,” Magnus replied as he returned to his post behind the counter.

“You wound me, Magnus, is this how you treat your customers?”

“Not normally, no, only with you.”

“I feel special.”

Magnus really disliked George. Not so much as loathing him but he did feel like he was a massive nuisance. He didn't like the way George would treat him. He was trying to be nice to Magnus which wouldn't normally be bad but not when George, just like any other bored elite out there, was currently into foreign exotic cultures. And Magnus being the closest “foreign exotic person” he could find, meant that George was very much interested in him. Despite all that, Magnus was in no position to have him be blacklisted lest he wanted to risk Little Georgie to run and tell daddy—who was quite close with a certain Officer McMantry—about Magnus's little speakeasy. And so he had to endure a little inconvenience, hoping George tires of his fleeting flights of fancy in the exotics soon.

“Will you be drinking or do you plan on wasting both of our time?” Magnus asked, his arms folded across his chest.

“Easy there, Mags, be nice,” said George as he leaned against the edge of the marble bar. “I brought the friend I mentioned before here tonight, see?”

True enough, he did bring someone along with him. Magnus completely missed him on account of his attention and ire have been directed towards George. Unlike him, this new person was dressed simply and sensibly in a white dress shirt and red tie underneath a brown blazer that was a little bit tattered around the edges, and he also wore black slacks and shoes. Thomas Wagner, George said his name was and he had chestnut brown hair, a lovely set of hazel eyes behind his square, thick-framed glasses, and an apparent burnt scarring on his neck and jaw, something Magnus wouldn't want to ask about, or until the third or fourth drink perhaps. Why a seemingly-ordinary young man was friends with George was beyond Magnus.

“Pleased to meet you,” Thomas smiled stiffly as he shook hands with Magnus. His grip was just as stiff as his smile and he felt a bit jittery, like he was nervous or something. It took Thomas a couple of seconds too long before he broke away from the handshake. Perhaps he really was nervous, Magnus thought, but for what, he didn't know.

“Give me the usual, Magnus, and one of your very best for my cousin.”

Magnus rolled his eyes shut immediately got to work. The sooner George gets his fill, the sooner he might stop talking to him. George's ‘usual’ drink was called The Prick's Drink in Magnus's mind, because he was of course a massive prick.

“George told me all about this fun operation you got here,” said Thomas.

“You do know that the main point of this ‘fun operation’ is secrecy?” Magnus was looking at George as he started mixing together equal parts of vodka and rum in a glass jar then followed it with a hefty amount of squeezed lemonade they had in stock.

“Oh, you don't have to worry about me, sir, I haven't any friends to tattle things to,” Thomas smiled. “That sounded less pathetic in my head.”

“And that's why I brought my dear cousin here to check out the place before throwing him here 'round the weekend. Fancy schmancy scientists like him ought to be going out more,” George spoke, but Magnus was barely listening, he was filling the jar with ice until it reached its neck before capping it off tightly to shake it and mix the contents until it looked frothy.

“So you're a scientist?” Magnus asked as he uncapped the jar and poured in the icy, frothy, yellow liquid into a glass goblet, and garnished it with a couple of mint leaves before sliding the glass towards George.

“A physicist, yes,” Thomas began and then he continued talking about the kind of work he did.

George laughed and looked at Magnus symapthetically thinking that he might get bored with Thomas's talk of quantum mechanics and equations but he was not. He very much preferred that than listening to another word coming out of George. Magnus would even throw in questions which the physicist was very much excited to answer. Suddenly, he felt grateful for actually listening to Ragnor and his Royal Society friends over coffee all those years ago.

Thomas did a lot of talking but unlike George, Thomas was actually quite pleasant to talk to. He even told him about how he got his scar from an experiment that went awry back in his university days. He was also genuinely interested in what Magnus was doing as he watched him fix him his drink which involved mixing together moonshine, spiced rum, and lime juice in a shaker. Thomas was amused when he saw Magnus also put in a couple of dashes of Tabasco sauce in there as well as honey. He didn't think any of that fit with alcohol but Magnus was more than happy to explain his methods. George would sometimes throw in a few quips here and there but they would remain largely ignored. After some vigorous shaking, Magnus poured in the lime green liquid in a pint glass until it was all in. He picked up the glass and put it under one of the taps behind the bar and filled the rest with a clear, carbonated lemon-lime liquid of Magnus's own making.

“Here you go,” Magnus spoke brightly as he set down the pint glass back to the surface of the marble bar then gave it a little stir before pushing it towards Thomas.

Magnus watched him expectantly as he gulped down from his pint, hoping that the physicist would react well to it. As he drank, his eyes widened and when he set the glass back down a smile formed on his face.

“This is really good,” said Thomas. “It's sweet but I feel it pack a punch and—woah, I think my head just throbbed a bit.”

“Let's call it The Quantum Punch then,” Magnus smiled.

The three of them talked more a bit afterwards, with George finally sounding a lot more tolerable now that he had a drink. By then some of the patrons who had been there on separate tables have started to leave, a few times calling out to Magnus just before they go and he would tell them that he'd be expecting them in a couple of days. Even Connor followed soon after and went home. Not long after that, George already had too much to drink. Thomas held on just fine though and they had the same amount and kind of cocktails to drink.

“We should get going,” Thomas said.

“Good, I can't stand your cousin anymore, and it looks like he physically can't stand anymore either,” said Magnus, looking at George, knocked out and slumped over the counter yet still somehow standing. As soon as he said it he almost regretted it not for George's sake but because he thought he might have offended Thomas. But Thomas just laughed and said,

“Sometimes I can't stand him either, but it's just the money talking, he's a good kid.”

He helped George out from literally slumping over the counter and flung his cousin's arm around his neck as he carried his weight beside him. George still had the sense to walk, or more accurately wobble, next to his cousin.

“See you around, Magnus!” Thomas called out without looking back. He faintly heard him say, “Morning, ma'am,” too and when he looked up from cleaning up the glassware there he saw a woman making her way towards the marble bar sporting a nurse's uniform, a black coat over her white dress uniform and a nurse cap still pinned to her hair.

“That funny looking blonde, was that your admirer?” she asked as soon as she reached the bar and leaned forward and rested her arms over the countertop. She wasn't blue—the literal shade of blue—today as Magnus had observed. She had skin of dark brown and instead of her silvery white hair, her hair was as black as a raven. That was her go to look when under a glamour for the mundanes.

“My greatest nuisance, yes,” Magnus replied as he took out a couple of fresh old fashioned glasswares and set it aside. “But he was kind of alright today, his cousin Thomas was quite nice.”

“Do you like him?” she asked as she unpinned the cap from her head, letting loose her raven hair, flowing like the invisible currents hidden deep in the ocean. Magnus was gathering half-and-half, condensed milk, instant coffee, chocolate syrup, and vanilla at the same time.

“I don't like every well-mannered pretty boy I see, Catarina,” he said as he began pouring in the ingredients he just gathered into an electric blender, mixing them at low speed for half a minute.

“No, but you'd think they're the bee's knees,” Catarina teased. Her elbows were perched on the counter and her hands joined together underneath her chin as she grinned knowingly at Magnus.

“Well, he was,” he replied as he filled the two glasswares he set aside earlier with ice. “How are things at St. Mary's?”

“Where do I even begin,” said Catarina then let out a heavy sigh of exhaustion before she got started on her story.

It wasn't an easy job being a nurse at a children's hospital, even more so when you were one of the few ‘coloured people’ working there since a lot of children of colour going in there don't get the same treatment and care as the white children. Helping those kids was one of the main reasons why Catarina decided to have her glamour be of someone who was a person of colour. She was already technically coloured originally and while her warlock mark wasn't specifically her point of prejudice, she was still someone who can sympathize with those mundanes, especially the children, who would experience a lot worse.

As Magnus was listening to her, he started pouring about an ounce of black coffee liqueur in each glass then filled the rest with sarsaparilla. He then topped off both glass with the crème liqueur he concocted in the mixer. He called this one The Graveyard Shift. He listened on to her as she recounted how her day went all while drinking with her. He would refill it every now and then with the black coffee liqueur and crème liqueur until the very last drop, most of which were served to Catarina since between the two of them, she was the one who needed to relax and let out her weariness.

Before the sun rose, it was finally time to close up shop. Catarina helped Magnus with cleaning up, both sneakily using their magic under the doorman's nose as they did. As soon as they were done, they all came out of the wig shop, which would be open for normal business in a few hours, and parted ways to go home.

Wednesday didn't turn out to be as uneventful as Magnus had originally thought, perhaps he was wrong in thinking that nothing ever happened on Wednesdays. It would seem that Thursday should be the one to take that crown, as he had experienced after opening up Mr. Dry's the next night. He couldn't hardly wait for Friday, he thought, that's when the fun begins and that's when Magnus—and the rest of his weary-hearted, wayward patrons—would begin to shine and live, there in the mundane world's own brand of Downworld.

#magnus bane #the bane chronicles #the mortal instruments #tmi fanfic #tmi fanfiction #river writes crap

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entamewitchlulu · 4 years

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so i did a reading challenge this year and i wanna talk about what i read

transcription under the cut

i did Popsugar 2019 and wanna talk about what i read: Book Reccs and Anti-Reccs

1.) Becoming a Movie in 2019: Umbrella Academy (vol 1) by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba

4/5. A fascinating take on superpowers, dysfunctional families, and the apocalypse. Can get pretty gory, confusing here and there and you have to pay close attention to panels for lore, but overall an entertaining romp.

2.) Makes you Feel Nostalgic: Circles in the Stream by Rachel Roberts

4/5. Middle grade novel about the magic of music, belief, and of course, friendship. Definitely written for kids, and has some unfortunately clumsy Native rep, but overall an absolute joy to dive into once again.

3.) Written by a Musician: Umbrella Academy (vol 2) by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba

4/5. Ramps up the confusion to ridiculous degrees with some absolutely bonkers, unexplained arcs, but still fun to watch this dysfunctional family do its dysfunctional thing.

4.) You Think Should be Turned into a movie: All That Glitters by Rachel Roberts

4/5. Continuation of Circles in the Stream, but with more unicorns, more rainbows, and more fae, which makes it automatically even better than the first.

5.) With At Least 1 Mil. Ratings on Goodreads: 1984 by George Orwell

1/5. I understand why it's important and all but wasn't prepared for some of the more graphic scenes and the overall hopelessness of the message. Would not recommend or read again.

6.) W/ a Plant in the title or cover: The secret of Dreadwillow carse by Brian farrey

5/5. A fantasy world where everyone is always happy, save for one girl and the princess, who set out to solve the mystery of their kingdom. Poignant and great for kids and adults.

7.) Reread of a favorite: Cry of the Wolf by Rachel Roberts

4/5. Yet another installment in the Avalon: Web of Magic series, which clearly I am obsessed with. Please just read them.

8.) About a Hobby: Welcome to the Writer's Life by Paulette Perhach

5/5. A welcome kick in the pants, chock full of great advice told without condescension, and full of hope and inspiration for writers both new and old.

9.) Meant to read in 2018: The Poet x by Elizabeth Acevedo

4/5. Absolutely beautiful coming of age novel told in verse. Do yourself a favor and listen to the audiobook version.

10.) w/ "pop," "sugar," or "challenge" in the title: Black Sugar by Miguel Bonnefoy

2/5. I think maybe I just don't understand this genre. Or maybe the translation was weird. I was confused.

11.) w/ An Item of Clothing or Accessory on the cover: Our dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

4/5. It had a lot more slurs/homophobia than I was prepared for, but otherwise is a very touching, relatable collection of queer characters living in a heteronormative world.

12.) Inspired by Mythology or Folklore: Ravenous by MarcyKate Connolly

3/5. A girl goes on an impossible quest to save her brother from a child-eating witch. Really wanted to like it more because I loved the first one, Monstrous, but it dragged a little.

13.) Published Posthumously: The Islands of Chaldea by Diana Wynne Jones

3/5. I adore Diana Wynne Jones, but this one was missing some of the magic of her other books. Not sure if it was because it had to be finished by someone else, or if I just grew out of her stories.

14.) Set in Space: Binti by Nnedi Okorafor

4/5. Powerfully written story of a girl straddling tradition and innovation, who wields power through mathematical magic, surviving on a spaceship alone with a dangerous alien occupation after everyone else has been killed.

15.) By 2 Female Authors: Burn for Burn by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian

2/5. Ostensibly a story about a revenge pact in a small island town, but leaves far too many dangling threads to attempt alluring you to the sequel.

16.) W/ A Title containing "salty," "bitter," "Sweet," or "Spicy": The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

3/5. It's okay but I literally just never know what anyone means at any time. Are they being reticent on purpose or do i just not understand communication

17.) Set in scandinavia: Vinland Saga by Makoto Yukimura

2/5. Technically and historically accurate and well made, but the story itself is not my cup of tea. Very gory.

18.) Takes Place in a Single Day: Long WAy Down by Jason Reynolds

4/5. A boy goes to avenge his murdered brother, but ghostly passengers join him on the elevator ride down. Stunning and powerful character-driven analysis.

19.) Debut Novel: Nimona by Noelle Stevenson

4/5. Charming and then surprisingly heart-breaking comic about Nimona, a shapeshifter who wants to become a villain's minion. Really love the villain/hero dynamic going on in the background, along with the dysfunctional found family.

20.) Published in 2019: The Book of Pride by Mason Funk

4/5. A collection of interviews with the movers, shakers, and pioneers of the queer and LGBTQ+ community. An absolutely essential work for community members and allies alike.

21.) Featuring an extinct/imaginary creature: Phoebe and her Unicorn by Dana Simpson

4/5. Incredibly charming, Calvin and Hobbes-esque collection of comics featuring the adventures of Phoebe and her unicorn best friend.

22.) Recced by a celebrity you admire: The Emerald Circus by Jane Yolen

2/5. Recced by my fave author Brandon Sanderson. An unfortunately disappointing anthology proving that any story can be made uninteresting by telling the wrong section of it.

23.) With "Love" in the Title: Book Love by Debbie Tung

4/5. One of those relatable webcomics, only this one I felt super hard almost the entire time. Books are awesome and libraries rule.

24.) Featuring an amateur detective: Nancy Drew: Palace of Wisdom by Kelly Thompson

4/5. REALLY love this modern take on Nancy Drew, coming back home to her roots to solve a brand new mystery. Diverse cast and lovely artwork, though definitely more adult.

25.) About a family: Amulet by Kabu Kibuishi

4/5. Excellent, top tier graphic novel about a sister and brother who have to go rescue their mother with a mysterious magic stone. LOVE that the mom gets to be involved in the adventure for once.

26.) by an author from asia, Africa, or s. America: Girls' Last tour by Tsukumizu

4/5. Somehow both light-hearted and melancholy. Two girls travel about an empty, post-apocalyptic world, and muse about life and their next meal.

27.) w/ a Zodiac or astrology term in title: Drawing down the moon by margot adler

3/5. A good starting place for anyone interested in the Neo Pagan movement, but didn't really give me what I was personally looking for.

28.) you see someone reading in a tv show or movie: The Promised NEverland by Kaiu Shirai

4/5. I don't watch TV or movies where people read books so i think reading an adaptation of a TV series after watching the series counts. Anyway it was good but beware racist caricatures

29.) A retelling of a classic: Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy by Rey Terciero

5/5. We can stop the Little Women reboots and retellings now, this is the only one we need. In fact, we can toss out the original too, this is the only one necessary.

30.) w/ a question in the title: So I'm a spider, so what? by Asahiro Kakashi

4/5. Cute art despite the subject matter, and a surprisingly enthralling take on the isekai genre. Love the doubling down on the video game skills.

31.) Set in a college or university campus: Moonstruck (vol 2) by Grace Ellis

2/5. An incredibly cute, beautiful, and fascinating world of modern magic and creatures, but unfortunately falls apart at the plot and pacing.

32.) About someone with a superpower: Moonstruck (vol 1) by Grace Ellis

4/5. Though nearly as messy plot-wise as its sequel, the first volume is overwhelmingly charming in a way that overpowers the more confusing plot elements.

33.) told from multiple povs: The Long way to a Small, Angry Planet by becky Chambers

4/5. Told almost in a serial format, like watching a miniseries, a group of found-family spaceship crew members make the long journey to their biggest job ever.

34.) Includes a wedding: We Set the dark on fire by Tehlor kay mejia

4/5. Timely and poignant, a girl tumbles into both love and resistance after becoming one of two wives to one of the most powerful men in the country.

35.) by an author w/ alliterative name: The only harmless great Thing by brooke bolander

3/5. Much deeper than I can currently comprehend. Beautifully written, but difficult to parse.

36.) A ghost story: Her body and other parties by Carmen Maria Machado

4/5. It counts because one of the stories in it has ghosts. A sometimes difficult collection of surrealist, feminist, queer short stories.

37.) W/ a 2 word title: Good omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

4/5. Charming, touching, and comical, probably the best take on the apocalypse to date. Also excellent ruminations on religion and purpose.

38.) based on a true story: The faithful Spy by John Hendrix

4/5. Brilliantly crafted graphic biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and his assistance in fighting back against Nazi Germany.

39.) Revolving around a puzzle or game: the Crossover by Kwame alexander

4/5. The verse didn't always hit right with me, but the story is a sweet, melancholy one about family, loss, and moving on.

40.) previous popsugar prompt (animal in title): The last unicorn by peter s. Beagle

5/5. Absolutely one of my all-time favorite books, it manages to perfectly combine anachronism and comedy with lyricism, melancholy, and ethereal beauty.

41.) Cli-fi: Tokyo Mew Mew by Mia ikumi and Reiko Yoshida

4/5. Shut up it counts

42.) Choose-your-own-adventure: My Lady's choosing by Kitty curran

3/5. Cute in concept, a bit underwhelming in execution. Honestly, just play an otome.

43.) "Own Voices": Home by Nnedi Okorafor

3/5. The storytelling style was definitely not my style; while the first book was slow, too, it felt more purposeful. I found my attention wandering during this installment.

44.) During the season it's set in: Pumpkinheads by rainbow rowell

3/5. Cute art, but precious little substance. The concept simply wasn't for me in the first place.

45.) LITRPG: My next life as a villainess: All routes lead to doom! by Hidaka nami

5/5. An absolute insta-fave! Charming art, endearing characters, an incredible premise, and so much sweet wholesome fluff it'll give you cavities.

46.) No chapters: The field guide to dumb birds of north america by matt kracht

3/5. It started out super strong, but the joke started to wear thin at a little past the halfway point.

47.) 2 books with the same title: Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roger

4/5. A brave and enduring personal story of growing up in and eventually leaving the Westboro Baptist Church. Really called to me to act with grace and kindness even more in the future.

48.) 2 books with the same title: unfollow by rob williams and michael dowling

1/5. How many times do you think we can make Battle Royale again before someone notices

49.) That has inspired a common phrase or idiom: THe Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

4/5. Definitely good and deserves it's praise as something that pretty much revolutionized and created an entire demographic of literature.

50.) Set in an abbey, cloister, Monastery, convent, or vicarage: Murder at the vicarage by agatha christie

3/5. I just cannot. physically keep up with all of these characters or find the energy to read between the lines.

ok that's all i got, what did y'all read and like this year? (oh god it’s gonna be 2020)

#book reccs #lulu booktalks

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Make You Believe (Ravjila) - Juniper

Summary: Manila works too many hours in an old diner, but it’s worth it when a customer catches her interest. That is, until she becomes involved with someone from Manila’s past. 10K.

Saturday mornings weren’t complete without at least three coffee stains and a vow to never look at another egg again.

It was nauseating and exhausting, but Manila wouldn’t trade the breakfast rush for the world. Or so she made the customers believe, with an artificial twinkle in her eye. The clank of metal spoons against porcelain cups, mixed with the grumbles of insufferable elderlies hidden behind newspapers, was a surefire way to light a flame under her ass and remind her that this was all a way to fund her dreams.

As miserable as it got, there were things she enjoyed, too. There were the regulars who always commented on how nice she looked, even when her mascara was smudged and her hair stuck up in six different directions. She liked seeing the lit up faces of little kids when she snuck them the last chocolate chip cookie when her manager wasn’t looking.

Royale’s was one of the oldest places to eat in town, and even through many renovations, it kept its’ charm. The bar was lined with red leather stools, matching the jukebox next to the front door. It was usually playing some old soulful hit, and Manila danced to the music during closing time as she mopped the black and white tiled floors. Classic metal Coca Cola signs adorned the walls, beside framed photos of the diner hitting milestones throughout the years. The kitchen was in the back, and Manila pinned orders to clotheslines, picking up prepared plates through a small window.

Even though half the time it was covered in syrup, she loved her uniform. She and the other girls all sported the same dress, each in a different color. Manila’s was mint with pale, yellow accents and it suited her well, in her humble opinion. It was part of what had drawn her to apply two years prior, and she still felt a little giddy when she saw them all in a line, like a pretty, vintage rainbow.

Carmen always stayed at the register, in burnt orange, blowing bubbles and batting her eyelashes. Her pretty face was supposed to be the first and last thing the customers saw, as to coax them into returning. A girl like Carmen was one that you didn’t forget.

Shangie was a vision in red, but you always heard her about five minutes before you saw her. She and a purple-clad Juju always kept the customers engaged and entertained. They had big laughs, and even bigger personalities. They kept Manila’s spirits up when she was in the tail-end of a nine hour shift, dirty mouths getting them in trouble on more than one occasion.

Their senior manager was named George, and more often than not, he treated the girls rottenly. If he did have a soft spot for them, he had a funny way of showing it.

Pancakes and sausages turned into burgers and fries as the time on the clock drilled on, and sometimes she didn’t even notice she had sat on an open mustard packet until she got home. But despite the headaches, Royale’s was like a second home to Manila.

They’d have to start getting ready for lunch soon, Manila thought, as she restocked sugar packets. Juju nudged her in the side, and put her mouth right up to her ear, much too close for comfort.

“Hottie alert,” she whispered. “Check out the girl in Shangela’s section.”

She was in a booth across the diner, with a menu blocking out her face. Manila could make out a long, silvery ponytail. The girl was wearing black leather shorts, and dark legs shot out, seeming to extend for miles. She was clearly a stranger to Royale’s.

This was a mystery, and Manila was interested in getting a closer look to see if Juju was onto something.

“Just take her,” her coworker urged. “Shangela is off giving her hourly halleloo to some undeserving victim.”

Manila nodded and straightened out her apron before emerging from behind the bar. She strolled over, white tennis shoes still retaining some squeak.

“Hi, I’m Manila, and I’ll be your server today,” she said, always finding a way to make it sound overly-chipper. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

The girl closed her menu and smiled up at her. If it wasn’t a process forever programmed into the depths of Manila’s brain, she may have faltered.

She had big, brown eyes and a pretty smile. Manila was a little jealous of how the light hit her face, her cheekbones glittering excellently. The fluorescent lighting always made her look a little tired, yet the girl in front of her made her feel wide awake.

“Hey! How’s the coffee?”

Her voice was intriguingly deep, and when she talked her head quirked slightly to the left, causing her earrings to swing.

“Fresh, if that’s what you’re asking,” Manila replied. “But I’m supposed to say it’s delicious.”

The girl giggled into her palm, and while her eyes were shut, Manila snuck a glance back at Juju, who was shooting her an unsubtle thumbs-up. Manila made a mental note to smack her with a menu later.

“I’ll take your word for it, then. Do you guys have like a bagel or something?”

“Well, breakfast is over, but there’s one of my blueberry muffins in the back. If you want it, it’s yours.”

The girl smiled again, and Manila had to resist the urge to audibly thank her lucky stars that her curls were looking right today, and that her new coconut perfume was still lingering.

“You’re an angel.”

When she brought out her order, the girl looked at her with wide eyes as she was chewing on the muffin. Manila laughed as she poured the steaming beverage into her cup.

“You really made this? You’re amazing.”

“I’m alright,” Manila said. “It’s just a hobby of mine, and my manager lets me sell some of my creations. Baking is a good way to relieve stress, you know.”

“For you, maybe,” she replied, tearing open a sugar packet, letting the white granules trickle out. “The kitchen is the last place you’ll find me. I’d burn the whole place down.”

Manila didn’t believe her, but the thought was amusing.

Her name was Raja, she later found out from Carmen, who had snuck a glance at her debit card. Say what you want about the pretty ones; Carmen had an eye for detail.

After she’d gone, and Manila went to collect her tip, she noticed a napkin stuck under the salt shaker. It had been drawn on, in pen. An impressive illustration of the Gemini symbol, guarded by twin pairs of eyes. She folded the napkin and stuck it in her apron pocket.

Raja came back almost a week later, this time around mid-afternoon. Shangie begrudgingly handed Juju a dollar.

“I saw the way she looked at you,” she gloated, sticking the bill in her bra. “I knew she’d be back.”

After Raja had placed her order, Manila was pretending to wipe down the counters as she watched her aggressively type things into her phone. Every few minutes she’d let out a hefty sigh, and eventually, she gave up in favor of staring out the window.

“Waiting for someone, honey?”

Raja looked slightly relieved to see her, but the remaining pout was adorable. Her thin frame was swallowed by a very large denim jacket, littered with buttons and patches, and her hair was only half up. Manila felt like a kitten drawn to a particularly attractive bundle of yarn; she had to resist the urge to reach out and play with it.

“Not hardly. I’m trying to draw these lilies,” she sighed, gesturing to the sketchbook on the table in front of her. “But they look like shit, and I can’t figure out why.”

Manila looked at the page for a moment, humming in thought. She took the pencil stuck behind her ear and vigorously erased.

“You need to shade the edges a bit more here, and curve these lines. It would look a lot better if the petals weren’t so straight. Not even flowers are perfect.”

When she didn’t get a response, she looked up. Raja was wearing a curious smile.

The visits became more frequent, and on the sixth, she showed up during Manila’s lunch break. She spent her time off the clock in the booth with her, and they doodled on the back of the kid menus with crayons. Every now and then, Manila looked to the clock, and spotted Carmen watching them with a sweet smile.

“So how come I’ve never seen you around until recently?”

“I just moved to town,” Raja said, working a red Crayola over the paper. “I wanted a change of pace. This place is really charming.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Manila snorted. “There’s absolutely nothing to do here. Everything about this town is so boring.”

“I wouldn’t say everything.”

Manila smiled.

–

Raja rarely came in empty handed. First, it was the sketch pads, then the books of poetry, and the fashion magazines. She was incredibly stylish, and Manila could swear that Raja modeled all the latest trends three weeks before they hit the stores.

They giggled and gossiped, flirted and fawned. If Manila conveniently forgot to add something to Raja’s bill, Carmen didn’t bring it up. When Manila found her tip folded into an origami heart, she held it close to her own.

“She’s got it bad, ladies,” Shangela announced. “Look at her! A total love fool.”

The girls were closing up, with Manila mopping the checkered floor, a cheesy grin on her face.

“Don’t be jealous, honey. Green’s not your color.”

“Listen to this shit,” Juju laughed, nudging Carmen. “It’s just a game of chase! It’s been months and you guys haven’t fucked once.”

“Jujubee! What have I told you about the language?”

Their manager pushed through the swinging door, looking cross. Carmen tried to hide her laughter from behind the dollar bills she was counting.

“Sorry, George,” she sheepishly mumbled.

He sighed heavily, placing his hands on his hips. The air conditioning blew the few hairs in his combover up and down lightly. His eyes looked tired, fatigued by too many years of working too many underappreciated shifts. The girls often wondered how his wife dealt with his hot temper and gloomy outlook. If there was a time when he could keep up an act of happiness out of customer company, it was long gone.

“What am I gonna do with you girls? Always too busy talking to get anything done. Luzon!”

Manila squeaked in acknowledgement.

“Hurry up, you should be done with those floors by now. Especially considering that the dinner rush was pretty slow,” he grunted. “Make sure you clock out on time. If I catch you trying to sneak in overtime again, you’re on suspension.”

“Yes, sir.”

Manila stuck her tongue out at his back as he returned to his office. Juju groaned loudly once he was out of sight.

“God, what a dick,” she huffed, sending the other three into a laughing fit.

–

“But, Carmen,” Manila whined. “We’re never both off on Friday nights!”

Carmen was focused on the roll of quarters she was unwrapping.

“Girl, I love you, but I love my man, too. I can’t bail. Next time, I promise.”

Juju and Shangela had just come back from break, and were failing to pretend to look busy. It was pitifully slow, only a matter of time before George sent at least one of them home for the day.

“How about you spend your time off with someone else,” Shangie hinted.

Manila bit her lip and glanced over to Raja, who just happened to look up at the same time. She waved happily, and Manila beamed.

Juju tossed her a small towel to dry off the clean dishes with.

“Bitch, if you don’t ask her out in the next five minutes, I’m stealing her away.”

“Good luck with that,” Manila snorted.

“Damn! That was so shady, did you two hear that?”

“Seriously,” Carmen interjected. “The girl is obviously crazy about you, Manila. You need to make a move before she finds someone else.”

“Okay, okay!” She exclaimed, holding her hands up in defense. “I’ll…I’ll do it today. I’ll ask her out, alright? I just have to figure out what to say.”

It was then that the bell chimed, and a customer walked through the door.

“Welcome to Royale’s!” Shangela greeted. “Feel free to seat yourself.”

The girl stayed by the door, on the phone, but offered a polite nod.

“Oh, shit.”

“No way.”

“What?” Shangela turned to see her coworkers with sour expressions. Manila looked particularly disturbed.

“What the hell is she doing here? She hasn’t come in once since I got hired.”

“You got beef with that girl, Manila?”

She had bleached beachy waves, hitting just below her chin. Her makeup was exquisite, and it reminded Manila of something you’d see with a million likes on Instagram. Her manicured fingers clung onto the strap of her designer bag. Even from behind the counter, she could see her piercing eyes, matching her intense aura so well.

Raven was even more beautiful than she remembered.

“Leave it to Manila to be exes with the bitchiest girl from high school,” Carmen whispered harshly.

They were huddled now, trying not to stare. Despite the music from the jukebox, Manila could make out the faint sound of her laughter. She tapped her foot in annoyance, trying not to squeeze the glass in her hand too hard.

“Come on, she’s not that bad,” Juju protested, causing Carmen to roll her eyes. “She can actually be really sweet. Sorry, ‘Nila.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure she has to have at least one face that’s lovely.”

The forgotten girl coughed to get their attention.

“Okay, will someone please fill Shangie in on what’s happening, y’all?”

“Basically,” Carmen started, spitting her gum into a scrap piece of receipt paper. “That girl, Raven, was Manila’s BFF. For, like, ever. Hormones and shit happen, and our girl here falls for her, or whatever. Everything works out, and they start moving in the direction of a relationship. Then, at my Halloween party senior year, they finally hook up. Suddenly, that was the end of it. Raven dropped her, both as a girlfriend and a best friend. Never even gave an explanation.”

“Oh,” Shangela replied awkwardly.

Manila flushed, the memories rushing back to her. People moved to the pounding bass in Carmen’s living room, beer sloshing in plastic cups. The night was cool, but the mood was heated. She was dressed as Audrey Hepburn, classic Breakfast at Tiffany’s get-up, and Raven made a stellar Catwoman. They couldn’t get their hands off each other all night, before finally sneaking off.

She’d never been with a girl before, much less her best friend. Carmen had given her plenty of advice, but Manila was still incredibly nervous. Everything was sweet, tasting like smoke and illegal alcohol. Her hands trembled as she touched Raven’s body, feeling shaken by the purr she released into her ear.

The costumes came off, and the clouds parted, allowing moonlight to creep in through the window. With Raven’s naked, sweaty body on top of her, she began to panic. It was the part she never told Carmen or Juju, or anyone.

Her breathing became irregular, and she began to cry, burying her face in her hands. Her best friend immediately pulled off of her, and brought her close, hugging her gently. She soothed her, whispering sweet affirmations into her hair.

It was the realizations. That yes, this was really it. She was a lesbian, and she’d have to tell her parents and face that the world would feel like it deserved some explanation, as if it were entitled to her heart. This was her virginity, and she was losing it to her best friend. If she messed this up, she’d be losing the person most important to her.

Raven promised that it was okay, she wasn’t angry. Swore that she hadn’t ruined anything. They fell asleep together, covered in nothing but a sheet.

When Manila woke up with a ringing in her ears, she stretched, noting that the bed felt extremely spacious. She pried her eyes open; she was alone.

That was the last she ever heard from Raven. Texts went ignored, and she was avoided in the halls. It was a heartbreak like no other, to lose your best friend and the person you harbored feelings for in the same night. She spent many nights crying, watching the seconds tick by on the clocks in class, every minute dragging by so slowly. Her heart was so heavy, and she felt so alone.

Now, Manila shook her head, attempting to leave the dark period behind her. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder why Raven would randomly show up at Royale’s four years after graduation. Was she finally ready to make amends? Did Manila even want that?

“So, you mean to tell me you kissed those lips?” Shangela inquired.

“About five sets of injections ago,” she laughed ostentatiously. Bitterness was easier than sadness.

Carmen joked that there was nothing wrong with a little enhancement, “and really, the bitch could stand a heart transplant”.

“Come on, Car, it was years ago,” Juju groaned. “Can’t we all put it behind us?”

“I take it you’re still buddies with her,” Shangie said. Jujubee looked at the floor.

“You bet,” Carmen said. “Way to be a support system, J.”

“We’re 22 years old. I’m not going to pick teams over something that happened in high school. She didn’t break up with me.”

Finally, Raven hung up her cell, and moved towards a booth, right past the four observing waitresses.

When she slid into Raja’s booth, Juju grabbed Manila’s wrist so fast that she almost dropped the glass.

“Oh, my God. What the hell?”

There was a collective gasp as the four saw Raja and Raven exchange pleasantries, smiles on both faces. Manila felt dizzy.

“What the fuck? What are the odds?” Carmen asked, clearly stunned.

Six different forms of jealousy were taking hold of Manila’s mind, and she could barely see straight. Not only was it unnerving to see her ex-best friend turned ex-lover, but here she was, on a date with the girl Manila had been crazy about for months.

As soon as Raja excused herself to go to the restroom, Manila sped over. She never mustered up the courage to confront Raven during high school, but all of the anger was finally bubbling to the surface, pushing her closer and closer to that booth.

She set down a glass of lemonade rather roughly, causing the ice to loudly shuffle.

Raven looked up, and her face showed a flicker of shock before regaining composure.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Manila spat.

“Nice to see you, too,” she replied evenly.

“Save it, Raven. You don’t come here. You never come here. What’s the deal?”

“There’s no agenda, Manila. I didn’t even know you still worked here,” she sighed.

“Why did you come with Raja?”

“Raja? I wasn’t aware you knew each other. She asked me out, and mentioned this was her favorite place…” her voice trailed off, realization sneaking in. Something ignited in Raven’s eye as she placed her elbow on the table, chin resting in palm. “You like her.”

“No, I don’t,” Manila quickly argued. Her vision honed in on the mole right beneath Raven’s eye, and she was bombarded by confusing feelings and the scent of the same perfume from years past. She gripped the skirt of her dress, knuckles white.

“You do!” She laughed. “How cute. Sorry, Luzon. What do they say, all’s fair in love and war?”

Manila spun on her heel to refrain from saying something that would surely warrant a complaint to management.

When Raja returned, Shangela came to take their order.

“Um, ma’am, what happened to our other waitress?” She frowned. Raven said nothing, stirring her straw.

“She was moved to another section. It happens. Don’t worry, I’ll help you out for the rest of your visit!”

Raja spent half the meal looking distracted, absent-mindedly poking at her salad with her fork. Raven was growing slightly annoyed, as she could tell where the other girl’s gaze kept drifting off to.

“Earth to Raja.”

She looked up and smiled apologetically.

“Sorry! God, I’m being rude,” she said. “How’s the lemonade? I’ve never tried it.”

Raven faltered for a moment, looking down at her glass. She’d been sipping on it the whole time, never realizing that she hadn’t even ordered it.

“Um, it’s my favorite,” she said softly. Raja sighed.

“I was just thinking about our waitress. Why she switched, I mean.”

While she adored her, Raven was growing increasingly curious about the strange love triangle she’d managed to wind up in. Over the past few weeks since they’d met, they learned so much about each other, but she’d never once mentioned Manila. She suspected the lack of communication was a bigger problem than Raja thought.

“Well, I for one enjoy Miss Shangela,” she said, lifting a fry to her mouth. “I think she’s fun. Halleloo!”

“Lord knows you’re hard to impress,” Raja joked. “It’s just…the other girl, she’s always my waitress. We’re pretty good friends…we have so many things in common. I wonder if I pissed her off or something.”

If Raven hadn’t spent years perfecting her poker face, her distaste would be apparent. It would be her luck to find a beautiful girl to catch her attention, only to discover that she was tangled up with Manila Luzon, of all people.

“Maybe she’s jealous.”

Raja seemed to consider the thought for a moment.

“I don’t know, probably not. I used to think she liked me…but she never said anything. God, this is horrible date talk. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re right, you are horrible. I think you owe me a milkshake for all this grief.”

Raja exhaled and took her hand. So, there was something unspoken between the two. Typically, she wouldn’t tangle herself up in these kinds of messes.

But something about Raja’s glittering eyes told her to stay. If she played her cards right, nothing ever had to come of their little crushes.

–

Manila let the cool water run over her hands as she scratched at the goopy spots of syrup, always managing to catch rogue fuzz and dust bunnies. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror above the sink, and scrunched her nose. The good concealer was getting its use today, paired with several coats of mascara to make her look semi-alert.

Her Friday night was spent getting wine drunk on the couch, cursing at Titanic on her television screen. She sobbed loudly, pounding her pillow. It was essential emotional release, she told herself, ignoring the fact that she would have to open the next morning.

She had spent half of the morning rush with her apron turned inside out, moving from table to table in a groggy daze, only delivering their breakfasts by the sheer force of muscle memory.

When George swept by, telling her to smile, she flashed her teeth with dead eyes. He’d be back in five minutes for his coffee, and she seriously considered spitting in it.

Manila peered through the circular window in the swinging door. Since her very first visit, Raja had not missed a Saturday morning at Royale’s, yet now, her booth remained unoccupied. Manila had braced herself, but still felt disappointment. She had something else, now. Someone else.

Drying her hands on her apron, she bumped the door open with her hip. Carmen was catching up with the regulars, handing them individually wrapped toothpicks. All the men always hung around the register a little too long, unable to get enough of her.

A set of nails tapped on the counter, and Manila turned her attention to them with a smile.

“Um, hi.”

It was Raja, perched on one of the stools, looking nervous. Her cheeks were pink, and she had a small package in front of her. There was one of her little doodles on the side, a cartoonish pineapple with a smiling face.

When Shangela bussed their table, Manila asked for the drawing left under the salt shaker, but all the napkins had was excess lipstick and grease spots.

“I’m not much of a chef, but I tried my hand at baking last night,” she offered. “They’re brownies. For your break.”

Manila didn’t know what to say. What was this? A peace offering? A “sorry I led you on and ended up with your ex” gift? She could practically hear Raven’s gloating laughter.

“Thanks,” was her awkward response.

They looked at each other for a few moments, neither wanting to be the first to say something.

“Um, so,” Manila started.

“I’ll cut right to it. I hate conflict, Manila. What did I do to make you ditch me yesterday?”

“What?” Manila blinked. “Um, nothing. Nothing, you’re fine. George just comes in and rezones us every so often, to make sure we’re not stealing tables from the other girls.”

She was lying, and prayed it wasn’t obvious. Truthfully, Manila had never even bothered to ask Raja to move out of Shangela’s section, and George hadn’t noticed yet.

The fact was that she couldn’t bear to look at Raven a second longer. This was not the reunion she had spent so many years daydreaming about. She was supposed to show up with flowers, grovel at Manila’s feet for forgiveness. Not show up with the same icy attitude and steal her crush away. Rejection from Raja would have been miserable enough, but she could have survived. However, she refused to torture herself by bringing burgers to the happy couple, sharing everything she’d always wanted.

She was feeling nostalgic in the worst of ways, and it sent her into a vicious cycle of emotion, alternating between feeling pissed off and devastated. She had spent the rest of their date spritzing the windows with glass cleaner, wiping aggressive circles into the panes to try and wash away the reflection.

Raja seemed to buy it, judging by the smile on her face.

“Oh, good. I was worried that you were mad at me.”

Manila felt a tug on her heart. Her misery wasn’t Raja’s fault. She hadn’t acted quick enough, and as far as she knew, Raven hadn’t revealed their past. She still cared for Raja, and even if it would take some getting used to, she wasn’t ready to let go of that pretty face.

“I couldn’t be mad at you if I tried,” she admitted.

“Good, because I’d miss you too much,” Raja said. “You make me believe that all of my artistic whims are worth something.” All she could do was smile.

“Go on, try one,” she urged, and Manila unboxed the treats with a giggle. Lifting one of the brownies to her lips, she noticed Raja intensely watching her bite into the chocolate.

“A little dry,” she admitted after a minute. Raja faked offense, grabbing her heart dramatically.

“Maybe you could instruct me sometime, Master Chef Manila.”

Some of the pressure was alleviated from her chest. They spoke easily, like nothing had changed. Maybe it hadn’t. The little devil on Manila’s shoulder brought its’ razor-sharp teeth up to her ear.

One little date didn’t mean anything. She could still have Raja.

–

A few days later, Manila was brushing her teeth when she received a text from Shangela.

Be prepared. They’re here. – Shangie

It sounded overly ominous, but Manila knew her friends were taking this just as seriously as she was. She had to remember to thank them later.

If Manila was going to win Raja’s affection, she needed to commit and pull out all the stops. She dug through her drawers, and pulled out her fanciest push-up bra, the red one with the black lace. Caught around one of the hooks were the matching underwear, and she opted for them as well.

She’d never gotten around to trashing the old uniform that had shrunk a bit in the wash. She pulled the green dress over her head, and felt satisfied when she saw how short the skirt had become.

When she clocked in, Shangie hurriedly fastened a few more buttons on her collar.

“Okay, Miss Thing, you’ve been hanging out with Carmen too much. We’re going for sexy, not desperate.”

Manila still felt a slight tickle in her throat from the fumes of the hairspray she’d worked over her curls. They were thick and bouncy, and her plan seemed to be coming to fruition.

Not only would she be piquing Raja’s interest, but she’d be showing Raven just what she had walked out on. She looked good, and refused to go ignored.

“I got their drinks, but they haven’t ordered yet,” Shangie whispered. They were spying from behind the counter, and for a moment, Manila had her doubts.

Raja looked extremely happy. She was speaking animatedly, using her hands to help her tell the story, and Raven watched her intently, a real smile tugging on the edges of her lips. They never seemed to run out of things to talk about. It took a lot for Raven to open up, Manila knew that better than anyone. From the looks of it, they were getting to know each other well.

“Maybe this is a mistake,” she pouted. “I mean, what if she has a real connection with Raven?”

“So did you,” Carmen snapped, and Manila flinched at her words. “If you care about Raja, are you really going to stand by and let her get hurt like you did?”

Taking a deep breath, she strutted over to their table, swinging her hips. When Raja spotted her, she stopped mid-sentence.

“Hey, ladies. Have we decided?”

Manila was talking to Raja, of course, who looked up with those sparkly eyes.

“I finally managed to get through the brownies you baked for me,” she said, with a slight edge.

“Made with love.” Her heart skipped a beat.

“We both want the special,” Raven interrupted. Manila coolly looked at her, though Raja’s gaze did not move. Raven’s eyes were narrowed, and Manila felt a rush of adrenaline rip through her chest. There was an electricity present, a challenge. She definitely knew what Manila was up to.

“Right,” she said, jotting it down on her pad. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Raven’s appetite was quickly diminishing as she saw Raja continue to sneak glances at Manila.

George emerged from the back and had to do a double take when he passed Manila.

“Luzon? Your uniform is looking a bit on the snug side,” he started. “If you’re getting bigger, you need to let me know so I can put in an order for some new ones.”

“What an awful thing to say, Georgie,” Carmen mewled. She was distracting him, and Manila was grateful. She couldn’t let him shake her focus. “I think she looks beautiful. I wish I had Manila’s figure…”

He relented, a goofy smile creeping up on his face. Out of the corner of her eye, Manila could see Shangela gagging. No one was safe from the Carmen Carrera charm.

“Oh, come on, Carmen,” he said. “You have such a nice little body.” She flashed her teeth, twirling a caramel strand around her tanned finger. Manila cleared her throat, causing George to jump.

“Just a little laundry mishap, sir,” she said, smile strained. “Won’t happen again.”

Shangie grunted in disapproval once he’d gone. “He’s getting to you,” she said to Manila. “I’m too tiny to hold you back if you go berserk on him.”

“Whatever, he’s an asshole. That doesn’t matter now.”

“We have a development, ladies,” Carmen called, nodding over to the jukebox, where Raven was sliding several quarters into the slot. They could only see the back of her head, and Manila thought back to when that hair was long and dark. She didn’t even know her anymore.

The machine whirred as it filtered through the disks, before finally settling on the track she’d picked. As the opening chords played over the speakers, Manila saw her blow a kiss over to Raja. She was clutching her heart and smiling wide. As she walked back to her, Raven shot Manila a wink, and Shangie had to pinch her to keep her from cursing.

“That’s the song that was playing when they first met,” Juju said as she joined the others, wiping leftover crumbs from her lips.

“What? How do you know that?”

Carmen rolled her eyes and licked a napkin before scrubbing Juju’s cheek. “You could at least check yourself in the mirror before coming back from break,” she scolded. “And I told you guys, she’s a rat. Raven told her.”

Manila enveloped the tiny girl in a hug, much to the surprise of the others.

“J, this is perfect,” she grinned diabolically. “You have to tell us everything you know.”

“I’m not going to be your mole, Manila,” she protested, but with three sets of expectant eyes on her, she sighed uncomfortably.

They’d met at the gym, in the evening Zumba class they both attended twice a week. Raven watched her long, gray ponytail bounce, and tried desperately to listen to the instructor. It was hard to follow directions, when a beautiful girl was squatting in front of her in sinfully tight yoga pants. She never noticed Raven, until one day she did. And every day after that.

She’d accidentally mopped Raven’s water bottle, chugging its’ contents before realizing it wasn’t hers. Under normal circumstances, she would have gone off on anyone who dared to touch her things, but the girl’s genuine nature left her speechless. She apologized profusely, grabbing Raven’s hand. Their fingers sparked an electric shock, and she nearly pulled away.

As the other girls all moved back into place, they stood there, staring at each other. Sweat was dripping down Raven’s back, and the upbeat song was in time with her heartbeat.

“My name is Raja,” she panted. “My water is in my bag, still. I can grab it.”

Raven simply shook her head, trying so hard to keep from smiling that it made her cheeks ache.

“Raven,” she said softly. “No need. We’re almost done, anyway. You can owe me something later.”

The next class, Raja stood next to Raven, who was stretching while she waited for the instructor to pick out a playlist. They giggled as the got tripped up on steps, and Raja’s long limbs almost knocked her out several times. Somehow, they wound up parked next door each other, and stood talking by their cars for an hour afterwards, letting the breeze cool their heated skin.

A week later, Raven was sitting on the ground, trying to touch her toes. She always needed to stretch a bit after class was over, or she felt a bit worse the next day. Raja was kneeling beside her, tying her shoe, when she lost balance and toppled over on top of her.

Raja had one arm pinned over her side, still reeling. Their faces were just inches apart, and the tension was palpable. If Raven didn’t crack a joke now, she might lose her composure.

“If you wanted to kiss me, all you had to do was ask,” she smirked. Raja’s face was flushed, but whether it was from the workout or their position was unclear.

“Maybe I do,” she whispered huskily, dark eyes glancing down at Raven’s lips.

Overcome, Raven pulled herself out from under her and stood up, pulling down her tank top. She cleared her throat. The thought that Raja actually wanted her was surprising enough, but something stirred in her tiny, black heart when she realized that it didn’t matter that she was a bare-faced, sweaty mess. Raja’s eyes were true.

“Come on, get up,” she urged, voice on the verge of cracking. “At least take a girl out to dinner first.”

“And that’s how they ended up coming here,” Juju finished.

“What did she say about me working here?” Manila pondered.

“She didn’t even mention you.”

“What a bitch.”

Carmen clicked her tongue and crossed her arms. The song had ended since Jujubee had started the story, but Raven and Raja were still laughing loudly at their table.

“That’s like, a story to tell the grandkids,” Carmen pouted. “Okay, we have to move past playing it safe. If you really wanna get her attention, we need a plan of attack.”

Manila had to admit that Raven had gotten way farther than she had in just a few, short weeks.

She knew Raja, though. Knew things that you could only learn over the course of several months, with gained trust. They both had an artistic mentality, both knew how it was to grow up a Euro-Asian mix. What those family reunions were like, too much of this, not enough of that. They were both dreamers and doers. Creative creators.

They had shared laughter and tales of heartache, and Manila cursed herself for not being confident enough to just say something. There was something between them, she was positive.

A crash pulled Manila from her thoughts, and she saw the metal straw dispenser on the floor, plastic straws spread all over the tile.

“Jesus, Carmen, what the hell?”

“Wow, I’m such a klutz,” she responded, a little louder than necessary. “Manila, could you pick those up?”

The spark in her eyes allowed Manila to realize that Raven and Raja were watching her. If the only thing separating her and Raven was physical attraction, she’d turn it up a notch.

She came out from behind the counter and kneeled in front of the mess, acting oblivious. Luckily, they were the only ones in Shangie’s section, the target audience for the show.

Raven’s back was burning as she watched, twisting her body to the sight happening behind her. Manila was on all fours, gathering the straws. Instead of crawling toward it, she reached for a rogue one, her skirt riding up just enough to give them a peek at her panties. She parted her knees, sticking her ass higher in the air as she extended her arm, and there wasn’t much left for Raven to imagine.

Except for the way it might feel to pull that skirt all the way up and grab hold of those dark curls. To have Manila as her own little servant, kneeling by her feet, waiting patiently for a command. Obeying when she was ordered to make Raja feel good while she sat back and watched the two girls sigh into each other’s mouths…

Raven shook her head, and turned around. She couldn’t think this way about Manila, not anymore.

Apparently, she wasn’t the only effected party, as Raja was chewing on her lip, subconsciously squirming in her seat as she watched Manila.

She rose, throwing the contaminated plastic in the garbage, and placing the dispenser up on the counter. She moved to check on them, and the tension was palpable.

“Anything I can help you ladies with?”

Suddenly, the spell was broken, and Raven realized this was all intentional. She looked to Juju who quickly pretended to be working on the nozzles on the soda fountains.

So, Manila wanted a war. She wasn’t the only one who could play dirty.

From underneath the table, Raven placed a hand on Raja’s bare knee, tantalizing the skin with her nails. Raja jumped slightly, clearly unnerved.

“I’m suddenly very hungry for something else,” Raven growled, causing her date to swallow hard. “Come over to my place for desert?”

“Luzon!”

Manila felt her eyes roll to the back of her skull, but forced a faux smile as she turned around.

“Yes, George?”

“I’ve gotten several complaints that my customers do not want to see your ass when they are trying to eat. What has gotten into you?”

Her nerves were on fire. His voice was a harsh whisper, and she could feel curious eyes on them.

“It was just a problem with the washer, really-“

“Save it, Luzon. I’m not paying you to walk around acting like a slut,” he hissed. Manila’s face fell.

Her mouth was dry, and tears were gathering in the corners of her eyes.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Carmen spoke up, trying to control the scene. “I think she gets it, George. Look, Nila, I have a spare dress in my car. You can put it on when my boyfriend brings it by, okay?” Manila nodded, arms crossed over her chest. George sighed heavily.

“Alright, fine. But if I hear any more complaints, it’s not gonna be good news.”

Carmen hugged her, Manila sniveling into her shoulder. They were startled by the sound of the register jutting open, and looked up to see Shangela handing Raja two Styrofoam containers. Raven walked over to them, grabbing a mint from the glass jar.

“Psst, sorry to see the show shut down,” Raven whispered. She tore the plastic, an amused smile tugging at her lips. “But nice try, Luzon.”

“Fuck off,” she spat back, trying to hide her watery eyes.

“Leave her alone, Raven. Haven’t you done enough?”

Her eyes narrowed, still working the spiraled candy between her fingers. “I don’t believe anyone asked for your input, Carmen.” She leaned forward, and before Manila knew it, Raven was slipping the mint between her lips. It was cool on her tongue, and Raven’s finger lingered a bit too long. “It seems to be the trend around here to meddle in other people’s business. Right, Juju?”

“I’m not entertaining this,” Jujubee huffed. “You’re both idiots.” It was then that Raja came over with the to-go boxes in hand.

“Ready to take off?” Raven asked, affectionately kissing her cheek.

“You’d know all about taking,” Manila muttered. Her eyes were strong now.

They were staring again, and Raja looked to the other waitresses for answers. Juju smiled awkwardly, but Carmen stood defensively by Manila’s side, looking ready to pounce.

“Um,” Raja cleared her throat. “Am I missing something?”

They all responded at once, with a resounding “no”.

–

Tomorrow was Manila’s day off, and it couldn’t have come any sooner. She was the last one left to close, and her aching feet were begging her to hurry and lock up.

For some, it was eerie to be alone in the diner late at night, but Manila relished the opportunity to work at her own pace. No one to distract her or dictate her actions, just her and the sound of the music.

She gave the counters a once-over, making sure every surface had been disinfected and everything had been put away in the back for the openers. The clock said that it was almost eleven, and she didn’t have much of a reason left to stay. She closed her eyes, letting the song fill her ears, lifting her to some far-away place, where things made sense. Where she was happy.

She felt hopeless. Why had she allowed herself to parade around as some fool, acting pathetic? Manila was engaged in a game of cat and mouse that no one else was playing. Was it really to make Raja like her? This wasn’t who she was, feeling more self-conscious as the day went by, receiving lingering gawks from men that didn’t even know her. She wasn’t a display piece, and when she realized that Raja was not an object either, she felt sick to her stomach for trying to steal her away.

It was deeper than that, and repressed hurt crept into her heart every time she thought about Raja leaving, going home to kisses and soft hands.

The same touch that was once everything to her.

Manila was on the outside looking in, and she reached out into the nothingness. No one could hear her. She was withering away.

She wondered just how much more Raven could take from her before she would wilt completely.

Her phone buzzed from her apron pocket, and she unlocked it to see Shangela saying goodnight to their group chat. Their display picture stood out at the top of her screen, the four girls all laughing, drinks in hand. If Manila was lonely, at least she wasn��t alone.

A knock startled Manila, and she squinted. The door was locked, thankfully, but her heart started to slow when she saw a familiar face crouch down and wave.

–

Raja leaned up against the fridge in Manila’s kitchen, head pressed to the cool steel.

This was Manila’s zone, and she watched her move swiftly, completely focused. The hour was late, but her eyes held determination as her hands worked expertly. It was the same kind of groove that they shared, a process taking over their body, using them as a vessel for creation.

Several dirtied dishes lined the countertops, and Raja couldn’t help but feel amused that she was doing much more observing than anything else.

“Let me help,” she said, taking the big bowl from Manila’s arm, prying her fingers off the wooden spoon. She continued working it through the mixture, watching the younger girl blink slowly, batting away exhaustion.

Raja should probably feel bad for suggesting a midnight baking lesson, but she was content with standing in the lowly-lit apartment, the shorter girl’s feet pattering on the floor as she maneuvered through the room. She was in a large t-shirt and jogging pants, with a lopsided ponytail on the top of her head. She placed a hand over Raja’s, and they stirred together.

“I’m going to put them in the oven,” she said a few minutes later. “Then go to the bathroom. You can wait in my room. You remember which door?”

Raja nodded, reluctantly leaving Manila to her own devices. She knew that once she’d gone, Manila would smooth out any wrinkles she had left in her routine. Her perfectionist attitude was as sweet as the sugar she used in her confections.

A single lamp illuminated Manila’s gray bedroom walls and purple bedding. There was a painting of lilacs hanging over the headboard, and Raja made note of the loopy signature in the corner of the canvas.

Her closet was open, and she admired the clothes. Being so used to seeing her in a uniform, it was surprising to see Manila’s style on display in front of her. There was definite taste.

At the bottom, amongst several pairs of shoes, was a fabric box holding a variety of art supplies. Raja reached down, pulling out a black leather-bound journal. She flipped through, but there were no pictures, only words.

It was an old diary.

Raja peered out into the hallway, making sure Manila wasn’t coming. What she was about to do was wrong, but she couldn’t squash her curiosity. She cracked the journal open to an entry around the center, and the top of the page was dated from over four years prior.

Sept. 17 –

We’re in the swing of things! Homecoming is right around the corner, and Juju and I are leading the committee. I’m pretty sure Carmen is going to be crowned queen. She says she doesn’t think so, but she’s probably lying. Her dress is super pretty. It’s totally revealing, typical Carmen.

Raja sighed. She still felt guilty, but at least she hadn’t uncovered anything too deep. This was a standard account of high school life. She recognized the names of the other waitresses, and felt it was lovely that the girls were still friends. She flipped through a few more pages.

Oct. 12 –

Who do you turn to when you need to reveal the biggest secret of your life, but it turns out that it’s about your best friend? Carmen can’t keep a secret, and Juju is just too close to her. I guess that’s why I have this diary. I can’t feel my hands when she’s around, and all of a sudden I can’t joke like I used to. I even skipped English yesterday because I was too nervous to see her. I thought this would pass, but it feels like every time we’re together it gets stronger. It’s eating me alive. Should I tell her? What if I ruin everything?

Oct. 30 –

Carmen’s party is tonight! Of course, her parents are out of town, and some guys with fakes bought us a bunch of booze. I’m pretty pleased with my costume, but I’m more excited to spend the night with my girlfriend. Can you believe I just wrote that? Girlfriend! I think it’s gonna be a special night.

P.S. – I think my sister knows I’m seeing someone, but if I tell her, she’ll rat me out to Mom. I mean, what would they say if they knew it was Raven?

The toilet flushed, and she barely managed to shove the journal back in its box and stand up before Manila came walking in, a sleepy smile on her face.

“Hey,” she said. “We can go check on them in a few minutes. I’ll even let you stick the toothpicks in.”

Raja acted as calmly as she could, but her heart was racing. Manila was talking about some video she’d seen on Facebook, but she couldn’t focus on anything except what she’d just read.

Raven? And Manila?

Honestly, she’d had her suspicions, but to actually see it in writing was a shock. How could neither of them say anything?

“Raja?”

She blinked, and looked over to Manila, who was sitting on the bed with a concerned expression.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you wanted to stay the night,” she said shyly. “I mean, it’s pretty late.”

She needed time to think, to figure out what to do. As if she wasn’t already confused enough, there was now a whole new layer to the situation. But she couldn’t exactly get mad at Manila without exposing herself.

“Sure.”

They ate cookies and sipped on wine, and before Raja knew it, she had completely forgotten about Manila’s diary. Somehow, she’d ended up nestled against Raja’s side, laughing about a story from work. It was comfortable, being under the covers together.

Manila was desperately fighting sleep, and she wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Raj?”

“Mmm.”

“Will you still be here when I wake up?”

Raja shifted to look down at the smaller girl. Her sad eyes looked heavy, and she was tracing circles into Raja’s sleeve. She took her hand and kissed it.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’m not going anywhere.”

As her eyes flittered shut, Raja wondered just what the hell she had gotten herself into.

–

The sound of chewing through the speaker of Raven’s phone was irritating enough to give an aspirin a headache. Still, she pressed on.

“I could pretend to get food poisoning,” she mused, admiring her manicure. “Bonus points if it’s Luzon’s cooking. Then I could convince Raja to never go back.”

“Are you sure you’re that convincing of an actress?”

She frowned. From her bedroom window, she could see a pair of black butterflies dancing around the flowers in her garden, scaling the trellis, careful not to wake the dormant morning glories. Raven wondered if it was a sign. Probably not.

“Maybe I won’t have to act. Is there anything you can use to, like, spike our food?”

“Jesus, Rave! Listen to yourself,” Juju groaned over the line. “You two are acting like children. Have you considered just asking Raja which one of you she wants?”

Truthfully, she had contemplated it, but she was afraid of the answer. When Raja wasn’t answering her phone, Raven knew exactly where she was. They were in too deep.

“I didn’t start this,” she sneered, deflecting the question. Jujubee sighed. Never once had she asked her to choose sides when she split up with Manila, but now she was wishing she had someone unapologetically in her corner.

“Then finish it. Just say what you feel for once, Raven. You may have lost Manila, but you still have a chance with this one. I love you, but please, stop being a coward.”

The words hurt, like a blow to the gut, and she felt the air leave her lungs. As if it wasn’t hard enough to be reminded of her choices every time she saw her face, somehow hearing it was even more gruesome.

After a few beats of silence, Juju began to speak, but Raven quickly ended the call, holding a shaking hand over her mouth.

–

Manila was puttering around the diner like a songbird, whistling and humming, blinding everyone she saw with a smile. She danced on the tips of her toes, ponytail swaying as she wiped down tables.

“What’s got you in such a cheery mood?” Carmen asked, though she knew the answer. As she moved behind the counter, she swatted her thigh with the rag.

“Mind your own business, Carrera!” She giggled. The pink in her cheeks was a telling sign, she knew, but she was much too elated to care.

“Your business is my business,” she argued good-naturedly. “If we’re on the winning team, I have a right to know.”

“There is no winning or losing,” she sang. “I’m letting go of all of that. If Raja wants me, then she’ll choose me.”

“Something in your tone makes me believe you’re hiding some details.”

“Um, Nila?” Juju chirped, emerging from the back. “George just called and asked if you could check on the restroom.”

Manila scrunched her nose. “I just did it, not even a half hour ago.”

“I’m just the messenger, girl.”

Carmen shrugged. With a sigh, Manila grabbed a broom and dustpan, pushing herself into the women’s restroom. Eyes out for any mess on the tile, she spun around when she heard a click, the door locking. She pushed against it to no avail.

“Jujubee? Let me out, this isn’t funny.”

“Not until we talk this out,” a soft voice came from behind her, and she saw Raven and Raja leaning up against two of the Pepto Bismol colored stall doors. The taller of the two had her eyes darting in every direction, nerves apparent.

“What is this? Some kind of intervention?” Manila pressed. “Raja, you and your friend are kind of freaking me out.”

Raven pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Give it up, Luzon. She knows.”

She deflated, dropping the broom to the floor. “You told her?” She whispered.

“She didn’t have to tell me,” Raja shrugged sheepishly. “I had a hunch. And I may have gone through your things?”

Manila didn’t have time to be mad. A million thoughts were circulating through her mind, and she felt dizzy. There was no backing out now; she’d have to confront Raven, and risk losing Raja.

“Look, I’m not exactly thrilled either,” Raven muttered. She took a step forward, and Manila backed up against the sink. “I know this is a lot to take in-“

“What do you know?” Manila spat, feeling her chest tighten. “You don’t know anything.”

“Manila, come on,” Raja begged. The pained expression on her face wasn’t unnoticed. Raven’s eyes narrowed, and she backed Manila into a corner.

“What do I know?” She whispered harshly. “I know exactly where you hide your snacks in your bedroom. I know where you have the scar that you got from bike riding when you were six. I know that you say that you hate yellow, but secretly love the way you look in it. I know that you’re a lactose intolerant idiot who would do anything for a chocolate shake.”

“God, you almost make it sound like you cared about me,” Manila was bitter, and hoped it reached the other two. Damn Raven, damn Raja, and damn Jujubee for making her endure this.

“You fucking moron,” Raven croaked. Manila’s eyes softened at the wavering in her voice. “I loved you.”

Raja cooed, the sound a dull echo in Manila’s ears. She shook her head, laughing in disbelief.

“No. No, you left me. You abandoned me, and it made me hate myself for tearing our friendship apart!”

“I was scared,” Raven sighed, eyes defeated. “I loved you so much, but you weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to come out, for sex, to be in a serious relationship, and I couldn’t stand the thought of going back to the way we were. Manila, I couldn’t just be your friend after being with you so intimately. It would have killed me. So…I distanced myself. It was just easier that way.”

“For who?!” Manila yelled, uncaring if the whole damn building heard. “Don’t you dare act like the martyr here.”

“You’re right, I guess. I’ve regretted it ever since. Having to walk past you, pretending I wasn’t reliving my biggest mistake was torture. What was I supposed to say?”

“The truth, maybe?” The waitress said incredulously.

“I just…maybe we can move past this,” Raven dared, though her voice still trembled. “I miss my best friend.”

“I can never forgive you for this,” Manila cried. Her cheeks were hot and she wanted nothing more than to smack her across the face. “I’ve dreamed about this moment forever, and now that it’s here, I wish it had never come.” She was sputtering and red faced, stomping her foot like a child.

With a shaky breath, Raven enveloped her, despite her thrashing. Raja looked on, a strange mixture of misery and relief twisting in her stomach, as Manila relaxed in Raven’s arms, sobbing loudly.

–

Manila was sipping on her coffee, mostly to give her an excuse to sit in silence.

Raja’s long coat was draped over her shoulders, and her eyes were still slightly puffy.

“So,” Raja urged, nudging the girl in the seat next to her. She sighed and cleared her throat, a pout on her full lips.

“So,” Raven mocked. “I was thinking. Maybe we could start over. No more secrets.”

“And no more snooping,” Raja pledged. “Or silly games.”

“Like…our friendship?” Manila pondered. She saw the glances that Raja and Raven shared, and the looked like they belonged. Two puzzle pieces, and she was the rogue obstacle, wedging herself between them. If this was the sort of feeling Raven had wanted to back away from, then maybe she could begin to understand. “I’m not sure I can pretend like you’re a stranger anymore, Rave.”

“No, I mean, like, our relationship. I don’t expect forgiveness in a day, but I’m willing to try if you are,” she replied, blonde waves rustling as she failed to make eye contact. “Can I take you out?”

Manila blinked. Something flipped inside of her, a switch, like the first warm day after a long winter. Even if she wanted to refuse, she wasn’t sure it was in her power to do so.

Suddenly, she looked to Raja, fiddling with the stray hairs that framed her face.

“But…what about…”

Raja laughed airily, grabbing Manila’s hand. “I’m here, as long as you’ll have me,” she squeezed. She looked to Raven, kissing her temple. “For both of you.”

“I’m not sure how I went from being totally alone, to having the two of you,” Manila mumbled. “How would that even work? What if things get messy?”

“Maybe,” Raven started, looking between them. “We should just let things run their own course for once.”

The door chimed, a group of schoolchildren running into Royale’s with hungry stomachs and money burning a hole through their pockets. Shangela greeted them, a gaggle of laughter as she tried to help them hoist themselves up on the barstools. The clock ticked up on the wall, in time with the beat of the music, a new track that Manila had yet to hear. The tin signs and gag license plates hung above Juju as she listened to orders, reaching for the pencil she kept nestled in her hair. A man took a crisp bill from a pretty hand, and Manila dared to look up just in time to see Carmen shoot her an approving wink.

“Maybe you’re right.”

#manila luzon #raja gemini #raven #ravjila #carmen carrera #jujubee #shangela laquifa wadley #au #fluff #hurt/comfort #juniper #rpdr fanfiction #submission #lesbian au #smut #make you believe #poly

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pisati · 4 years

Text

I don’t remember too much about my birthday last year, besides having to work and mom taking me out to the cat cafe and the brewery. but despite having a pandemic birthday it was actually pretty nice.

I finally got 3 days off in a row. I did tell my friend Cassidy that I’d help them take their stuff to the UPS store to ship it back to CA, but I honestly thought it would only take part of the day. I didn’t mind grabbing lunch and also staying for dinner, but I didn’t really want to have to be driving all over that part of the DC area all day. which was what happened. I didn’t end up getting home til 1am, and while I DID tell them I could help, it kind of felt like a wasted day. wasn’t really an off-day. BUT Cassidy did cover all my food, got me a lovely birthday cake, and gave me some coloring book-style postcards and a little stuffed brain cell. plus a literal fuckton of crafting supplies they didn’t feel like hauling back to CA. I asked how much they’d want for it; they did say I could just have it but seriously that haul has got to be worth at least $150. there were 6 bottles of resin/hardener and those ALONE have got to be worth $80 at a minimum. they said they’d just ask $40 and like... shit, sure. that’s a goddamn steal.

they also sold me their 4x4 ikea kallax shelf; I remember helping them put it together when they first moved to MD. we took it apart and I had my brother come over sunday to help me carry the pieces upstairs. then put it together entirely by myself, which... I probably shouldn’t have done? I made it work, but that shit is Heavy and also very difficult to put together on your own. even the manual says you should have two people. every muscle in my upper body is incredibly sore now, and I managed to bruise both arms in multiple places (not even doing anything seriously injurious, I’m just an overripe banana). but in making room for it in my living room I rearranged the couches, relocated all my yarn to the new shelf from my old craft shelves (and it took up 12/16 of the cubes 🙃), re-sorted and organized the remaining craft shelves, took the two 1x3 shelves up to the rats’ room (and now they’re being used as towel storage), and actually cleaned up my living room area. my dining room table is sewing-machine-free for the first time since march. I just moved it to the craft shelves, and now I actually have the room there for the machine to just sit. the accessories have their own shelf bin.

mom wanted to do dinner sunday night instead of today, and I guess that was okay. but it didn’t leave me much down time since I spent all day cleaning and organizing. but it was nice anyway. I got home and mom had blown up some balloons, and she had RHCP playing all evening. I’d requested homemade mac & cheese rather than noodles & co this year, and she found a pretty good recipe. she also made a cinnamon sugar doughnut bundt cake, which was good, though maybe a little dry. but served with ice cream it was better. mom told me she had another piece today and it was more moist today somehow.

mom and my brother had ordered me a bunch of things off my crafting wishlist on amazon, and those had come in during the week. my brother ordered the animal keychain molds, a mica powder dye set, black/white alcohol inks, and a silicone mold kit. mom got me a coaster mold set, another resin/hardener set, and a bunch of the sandpaper with the different grits that I really needed. I was kind of surprised she’d ordered me more things, since she already got me the huge rat cage. and she even told me today I should be getting another coaster set tomorrow, this one with 4 of the same size; the other one she ordered had 4 or 5 round molds but they were all different sizes. I can still make coasters with them, but the biggest one is small-tray sized and the smallest one is like... coin-sized, honestly. it’s tiny. and I can only make one at a time, so a set of 4 of the same size would take 4 days at a bare minimum; longer than that possibly if I were doing layers that needed to cure first. so with a set of 4 I can whip up a whole set at once.

mom’s boyfriend got me things too, which was super nice of him. they saved it for the dinner night, so I got to open it there. he got me a geode coaster mold, the set of animal butt shaker molds I put on my wishlist kind of as a joke, but also I thought they were silly and adorable. I’m so excited to make those little shakers. also got a set of 3 trinket box molds with molds for the lids, and a little bag of snake charms I’d added so I could use the charms for mold-making; I could make my own little snake charm earrings!

so yesterday was a long day. and then I slept like garbage and woke up early this morning, but I at least got a few things done before Charlotte came over. we planned on a lazy day but since I’d wanted to make yesterday my craft day and never got around to it, I wanted to do that today. Charlotte I guess didn’t have the same idea, but she’d brought her laptop so she could play this video game she and her brother and husband and so on had played together. we ordered five guys for lunch, which is always nice. she brought me homemade cinnamon sugar cupcakes, and gave me a hand mixer, a few bath bombs, and some face masks as a birthday gift. she was right, I really do need my own hand mixer, ha.

I finally got to work on my silicone molds, and it was super messy. I didn’t realize how much worse it would be than resin. but I tried my best to mix it well. I’d accidentally bought a $25 kit at michael’s a few weeks ago, because I’d picked it up from a clearance section and wanted to price check but forgot and forgot it was in my basket when I checked out; didn’t even realize I’d bought it until I was already back in my car looking into the bag. oops. but I ended up using the whole thing. and I had planned to make a crochet hook mold, so I was excited to try it. mom gave me an old tennis ball can that I cut up, and I used hot glue to seal it and position the hooks. I felt SO bad that it used up almost all of the silicone kit my brother got me; that shit is NOT cheap. and I was terrified I didn’t stir it well enough or mix the parts well enough because that would’ve been such a waste. but I demolded it after the few hours’ cure time and it came out beautifully. I cut slits in it with an xacto knife, so that way I can at least coax the hooks out more easily when I go to demold. it did seem like kind of a waste of a lot of the silicone, since I didn’t use up all the space, but hopefully I can sell enough crochet hook sets that I can maybe buy myself more. I’m nervous about those pours, because they’re not going to be easy, but I’m also excited bc I have a gorgeous, usable mold, and I got a ton of resin for [almost] free that I can experiment with.

after that I finally got around to some of the resin I’ve been meaning to do. my friend in PA requested some resin earrings; she’s bought so many masks off my etsy for herself and family that after this last order I offered her a resin or crochet thing at no charge. so I’ve got to do some moon earrings; too bad I don’t have more than one moon mold. also my brother babysat some kids the last few weeks of summer and he’d taken them out to gather wildflowers for me to put into resin, so I offered to make them little resin keychains. I got little transparent letter stickers, and I’m super glad they worked as well as they did; the transparent stickers don’t show their borders in the resin so it almost looks like the letters are printed in it. I decided to make letter keychains with each of their initials, and I spelled their names with stickers in the letters. for the girl’s keychain, I added some of the flowers. I’m not sure what to put in the boys’ keychains quite yet. I’m told they’re harry potter fans, so maybe I’ll do some kind of transparent blue with gold glitter or maybe star glitter or something. I also had leftover colored resin from the moon mold so I added them to the J for my mom. nothing like the scramble for appropriately-sized molds when you’ve got extra resin. I also made another set of cat earrings, and I’ll see how those end up. I tried a drop of gold alcohol ink, and hopefully the white helped it sink. otherwise I’ve just got some weird looking cat earrings.

(update, they turned out weird. gold doesn’t sink :/)

---

I wasn’t quite ready to go back to work today. I had a pretty good weekend, all said. don’t get me wrong, I enjoy what I do. but I feel like I need another gap year. I just want to stop existing for a while. stop having to go out and be around other people. having to talk to other people, all day almost every day. I’m tired. my brain is tired. my last gap year didn’t help with that, so I’m not sure how much good another one would do me. but I just... I need a damn break.

I have another therapy appointment tomorrow. it may end up being my last one for a while. I already can’t really afford the copay, and I’m switching insurance to one she doesn’t take. my credit card bill this month is incredibly painful. not going to be too upset at not having to spend almost $100 a week to just ramble to someone I barely know. she’s pointed out a few things to me that I didn’t really notice I do, which is nice. but is it worth $400 a month? not right now. not when I’m about to lose my insurance and have to pay for my own. my rent is already half my pay, and now I’m going take a pay cut of somewhere around $100 a month for fucking health insurance. I hate this. I fucking hate the concept of health insurance. insurance in and of itself isn’t bad; property insurance is helpful. but having to pay money for other people to pay money for your healthcare? and you still have to hit a deductible somewhere in the thousands before insurance will even start covering your shit. and even then they can decline coverage or only cover parts of your expenses. literally what is the point

back to worrying I guess.

I’ve started a kind of ridiculous undertaking at work as a side project, now that I’m done scanning all the files that were up front. I printed out the list of all the clients in our system that had physical folders, and I’m going through the scanned records and making sure the active ones have new client paperwork and the hours disclosure attached. the head receptionist asked me to start with the ones my former coworker had scanned in, and there are a lot of disclosures missing. some are missing both. I don’t know if he just didn’t scan them or if they didn’t have them at all or what. but I’ve been putting alerts in charts so people know that they need to give the forms to the clients when they come in. we had one client get kind of mad that he’s been coming to us for 10-some years and didn’t want to fill out the paperwork again, even after we clarified it was for our records and for legal reasons. but whatever.

I don’t know how many physical folders there were, but the list is very long. the folders go from 0 to somewhere in the 8000s I believe, but thankfully a lot are missing. missing as in possibly inactive, so there might only actually be 1000-2000 or so. but I’m going through every single one of them. I made myself a little system with highlighter colors: yellow means the client is active and they need something filled out (and I mark on the sheet what they need), purple means they’ve been seen within 3 years but more than 1 year ago, and they need to fill out something, pink mens inactive, and orange is kind of a catch-all for things like active clients who have recently moved (not sure whether to mark those as inactive). so far, since starting this a week or so ago, I’ve managed to get through 4 pages and a little bit on a 5th. many, many more to go.

the head vet wants to turn the back room into a little employee lounge area of some sort, but we want to get rid of those shelves first too. which means I have 2 big shelves of folders left before I’m officially done. thankfully the files in the back should *mostly* be clients that are inactive, but I still have to go through all of them to make sure. I know I’ve gone back there a number of times to find a folder for an active client because I wasn’t sure whose phone number was whose and I knew it would be in the record.

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I’ve been writing this post over the last two nights but I keep falling asleep while I’m writing. I did a lot more resin stuff last night, so I ended up going to bed pretty late. I wanted to finish up those keychains but I’m bad at gauging how much resin I’ll need for things so I ended up with a lot of random extra pours. I’m excited about a few of them; I poured a few into the new molds I made so I’m looking forward to seeing how those turn out.

not really sure where I was going with this. not really sure where I’m going in general. I’m just going. trying to keep up with work, trying to remember doctor appointments. trying to keep the rats happy and as healthy as I can get them, trying not to let the cat get on my nerves too much. trying to do crafts. trying to remember to talk to people, but I don’t know. I feel lonely sometimes but since I’ve been working so much I kind of just want to be alone. I don’t have the energy for conversations a lot of the time.

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hm. maybe another post for therapy thoughts. I was asked to think about a few things.

#fdhsjkh

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