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oumaheroes · 2 years

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10, 31, 47

Gwen! <3

10) How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

I'm, very sadly, an all or nothing kinda gal. From 2010 to 2017 I was very sporadic, one or two updates a year with the kind of mentality of 'ah, I am motivated to write today! I shall write this one chapter and then dissapear back into the void with all of my motivation spent!'

2018-2021 I had nothing, nada from me at all nope nope. All of my fics (of which there were a grand total of four) were left to languish as I had no motivation whatsoever and then 2021 to now I think I've found my groove. I stay motivated by only writing what interests me, rather than to please an audience or fit in with the fandom norm, and I have multiple things on the go so if (when) I get bored with something I can flip flop to something else.

I think having no pressure on yourself helps. I still get the 'oh God, I've not updated X story in months- people will lose interest in it and me and I'm so bad' but overall I'm a lot more chill with myself.

I also think being friends with other fandom people plays a huge part. I've never really had fandom friends before, or really chatted to anyone new online (I was shy once lol) so if the fandom/ topic I was writing bored me, I had no motivation to continue. Now if a fic gets hard or I don't have any creativity, I see my friends' material pop up or we discuss a headcanon and suddenly I'm pumped again to make my own.

TL:DR: I only write what really interests me and when it stops interesting me, I also stop. Being easier on myself really helped me to stay motivated and writing my own self indulgences keeps me going, alongside some wonderful new friends.

31) Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

Nope :') I'm one to throw myself entirely in the ring of fire and go solo but, as problematic as this is for someone like me who continues to edit after I post, I enjoy surprising people with new stories that I hope they're gonna like.

47) What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

This is such a hard question ugghhhh.

Do you know, I've been asked this question before but my feelings on it have changed. I don't think any of my fics are underrated- the fandom is smaller than what I grew up with so I'm always going to have a skewed idea of what a 'successful' story looks like, especially in Hetalia.

My fics can be quite niche at times and I think, for what they are, I'm very lucky that they've got the attention that they have and I think that it's fair- some hit, some don't, and that's okay.

My feelings of 'underrated' come from fics that I love the most or ones that were difficult to write/ I put more effort into than usual- I want these to be liked the most and I want them to get more attention because I am more emotionally invested in them than the others.

For this definition, definitely Earthbound or Reset- Earthbound because boy did I try at the time to be very careful with my word choices and characterisation and worldbuilding in a way I never have before, or since.

Reset because it's old, it's large, and I poured my heart and soul into it over seven and a half long years. It's in no way my best writing and the story is holey and not amazingly well rounded but still I'm deeply, deeply fond of it and it's my personal favourite to reread.

Thanks so much for the ask! <3 <3

#heroes answers #gwensparlour

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demondarakna · 6 years

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The totally inaccurate guide to depression #4 - Why SUICIDE is not the answer

Until now, I spoke about depression from a depressed person's point of view telling you non-depressed people about it. Now I'm going to try something a little bit different. You know how you're in the void with no way out? You know how it seems like everyone is up on the edge of that hole looking down at you, annoyed because you can't climb the walls full of glass shards? You know how you want to end it all and dissapear? Nobody up there would care much - if they don't care about your current state ... I mean, this is the one thing you can do for yourself, right? End it. Speaking as someone with experience of suicidal thoughts - like planned suicidal thoughts. Like ... almost went over with it suicidal thoughts. Like, was interrupted by a phone-call whilst I was basically on the stairs to the top of the building suicidal thoughts. And here I'm telling you. Suicide is not an anwser. Suicide is a question. Suicide is an age-old question, full of morality and pain and impulse mixed with a well-thought-out plan. It is primal, but also a loaded question formed by evolution. When prey sees the predator and thinks: should I run? That what it's like most of the time ... or feels like. Should I just end it? And sometimes you feel that deep connection with it, like studying a work of art in progress. Planning the lines and colours and considering an end product. Thinking what others would see in it after it is finished. Shouldn't I just go through with it? And the answer seems simple, but it's not. Suicide seems like the path ... the ONLY path you walk alone, where you're walking TOWARDS something - instead of running away from something or everything. And it's your choice ... your only PERSONAL choice. This is A LIE your ill brain tells you. This is a shut-down mode. It is shock. Shock can and often does kill. Shock is a body saying: nope. Suicide is the brain doing the same thing. People get treated for shock, people prevent shock, people suffer through shock. And they live and move again. Sometimes it's life-threatening: you need hospitalisation. Sometimes it's no big deal. We say: it's just the shock - a bit of warmth, a bit of tea, calming down, will get me on track again. Suicidal thoughts should be treated the same. You have it. You treat it, you try to prevent it, you suffer through it. And you live on and think again. Sometimes it's life-threatening: you need hospitalisation. Sometimes it's no big deal. It's just a bit of a suicidal idea: a bit of stability, a friend, a long talk, some overview of what caused it, a laugh, will get me on track again. It's not normal - but people also don't go through shock everyday either. And if your friend is in shock, you do not help by waving it away or being panicky about it. You help by providing what they need. Again - suicidal thoughts. You, as a friend, make a big deal out of it - the depressed will make a big deal out of it. You wave it away, they will be stranded in this mindset. Provide what they need - and at least you've helped avoid the worst. Now, for all you suicidal thinkers. I'm sorry to tell you, but you do NOT walk the suicidal path alone. All those people up there on the edge of the hole watching you in annoyance? It's not annoyance; it's worry, it's lack of understanding, it's fear ... and if it is annoyance, is not about you ... they are annoyed at themselves, because they don't know what to do. And they walk with you. And you dying in that hole - will make a lot of people very upset. Not in a "ha, finally they care!" way ... but in a much much worse way. It will break most of them. It will make them blame themselves. They deserve it, you say? They didn't act? Well, maybe some of them deserve it, but all of them? Do they deserve depression as well? Do they deserve to have suicidal thoughts alone? Are you so selfish that you will wake their own demons, because you can't communicate your own to them? Are you an HIV patient giving others HIV because you have it? Will you lead them down the dark path, and then dissapear? Leave them stranded in the dark, while you enjoy your victory of ditching them? Will you rip open a void within each of those that tried to help you? These questions, and many others are included in the great question of suicide. And unless you can answer all of them with a YES, you are not ready to quit. You are ready to fight that illness. Talk to them. Talk to somebody. Together you can figure out how to help you get over the worst. --- Inspiration for this post was taken from Mike Shinoda's Post Traumatic album - written to deal with Chester's Bennington suicide.

#depression #suicide #mental disorder #mental health #mental illness

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