#donnanxble.

[tartt9]

@donnanxble liked //

"It's just good luck, innit?" Jamie gives a little shrug. "That's all life is. Good luck, bad luck, a coin toss between 'em both."

#donnanxble #replies !

[ofkasterborous]

“I’m not going to sit here and let them tell me who I am and what I’m good for.” 

"Brilliant." Matter of fact. "Loving the enlightenment. Hold that?" He was bus--

"Donna?" looked around. Where did she--? His glasses were still on, little fiddly box of wires still really the centre of his attention, and the screw - literally, a screw - he had been trying to hand her remained in his palm. She'd wandered off. He turned around a little: "Donna?"a little louder, as he caught the tail end of a door closing, at the other end of the corridor. It wasn't a very large ship. He didn't know where she was going. There were very grumpy Slikoks in at least three of the seven rooms this place had, what was she--?

"Donna," he complained to himself, turning back around to finish up with the fiddly wires, sticking the screw in his mouth. Fine. Fine, fine, he'd go and find her, he just needed to get this set, give him two seconds and he'd figure out where she was.

Humans. Typical.

#ic #dkjflskdjldksjslkdjgflskj he's such a Jerk oh my god #donnanxble

[rosetemplenxble]

» @donnanxble​​​​​, MUM, sent, “you don’t need to worry about that.”

“THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE.” As the night wind blows, Roses’ nostrils flared at the new smell of cigarette smoke and the truth. She was always going to worry about the unknown whether it became easier said than done or not. When it came down to critical thinking, her mother was correct. There was nothing to worry about. A child was not obligated to have to worry about their parents, but that was the problem in itself. They were not a normal family. Being told stories about the Doctor, knowing about aliens, being abducted, this and that and this and that--- it was now understandable concluded with quarter timelord genetics. For once, the dots connected and for three long, lonely months, anxiety and fear built. Answers were unknown due to the if’s and but’s that constantly attacked her father-- was her mother alive? Where was she and would she reappear? 

And now that she has, it hadn’t stopped. 

There’s a sniffle and a following crinkle of her nose. For a simple moment, Rose takes in the atmosphere, finding comfort in the dampness of the rain from earlier too. It’s calming. Her eyes preoccupy themselves with the mud sinking against the heels of her prestigious boots while sat upon random porch steps. Rose found that her only coping ways were to act reckless and be free. Smoke a cig and act like the world hated you. Typical teenager behaviour, but uncharacteristically Rose. Tonight, she found herself lost, travelling away from the Pub and down the cobbles. Having just been among friends, her lightweight tendencies did her no good. She was full of emotions. And as she came to a halt, her best friend Scout, called her home for pickup. Though, that left her with protesting and another fear that bubbled inside---would either of her parents be angry at such a sight? It was late. 

Moments later, a shiny car pulled up, obnoxiously flashing lights in her eyes, but Rose didn’t move. Being stubborn was one thing... Now, side by side with her mother, hearing her words made her feel sickly. The world was unfair. It took a toll on her whether it had been a week or a year, there was no normal. Moments were unjustly taken away, taken from a child, taken from a father and a husband and grandparents and... the world hadn’t felt the same without Donna Noble.

She takes a drag before temporarily huffing out and (being courteous) away from the other. “I’m always worryin’, mum.” She swallows hard, letting a braided curl drop in-front of her glasses. The truth is only ever written in her diary these days as from day one, her return, plasters on a smile. Her father understands as he has gone through this too but it isn’t the same. “I don’t... I don’t want to wake up and you’re just.... not there anymore, all over again.” Rose means SO much more than her personal duty to wake up and make her family breakfast.

#[ mum; donnanxble ] #donnanxble #[ answered asks. ] #[ rose's response ] #// wherever you are... welcome back and here is some pain

[smokedanced]

𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑!

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑(𝐒): Greens, blues.

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑(𝐒): Chocolate as itself, in candy I usually like the green and yellow and orange ones the most.

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂: I don't like music.

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄(𝐒): I don't know; I don't watch movies nearly as much as I watch shows. I'm going to say book instead: Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. (Movie wasn't great.)

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒: For TV, Doctor Who and Hannibal. For video games, Mass Effect. For books, the Sandman comics.

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆: I have no idea!

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒: Watched the first season of The Great with @lovepurposed recently!

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄: I don't remember.

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆: Just finished A Feast for Crows by GRRM, about to start Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆: Welonz's Let's Play of Dead Space on Youtube (I am 100 percent too cowardly to play it myself LOL) and the second season of Ghost Files.

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍: On this blog, my navigation page and muse pages, so I can add Chloe Price and a new OC, as well as mayyyyyybe Dhawan!Master. As in, I want my current muses' pages to at least be moved to the new page code and have something on the basics tabs before I add more muses.

tagged by: @collidingxworlds, thanks! tagging: @vocesofmd, @seadcgs, @mystiika, @temeryte, @musecraft, @hopegained, @donnanxble, @inadxquacy, @immobiliter and pretend I tagged you!

#me vs trying to tag people i don't already know better #; outofsmoke

[donnanxble]

pinned post.

#DONNANXBLE ; highly selective, canon-compliant up to ‘end of time’ donna temple-noble from bbc’s doctor who. post-eot follows peripheral canon events but character development is au bc rtd has taken far too fucking long and i’m stubborn. low-activity, semi-iconless, multi-para inclined. prompt + plot driven. // CARRD.

[shewalked]

.   ❪   @donnanxble​  sent   ›    ❛  some  things  you  just  can’t  speak  about.

                       calls  left  unanswered,  texts  unopened,  plans  cancelled  :  martha  was  playing  with  fire,  and  she  had  known  it,  even  as  the  flames  licked  at  her  heels  while  she  avoided  donna  for  the  better  part  of  two  weeks.  unlike  her,  and  very  telling  ...  but  she  couldn’t  bring  herself  to  force  a  smile  for  the  sake  of  a  friend.  mickey  had  run  interference  as  best  he  could,  but  she  knew  that  he,  too,  was  concerned.  it’ll  pass,  she  had  told  him.  it  always  does.  but  days  had  come  and  gone  and  martha  was  still  struggling  just  to  make  it  through  the  night.  she  was  exhausted,  and  hungry,  and  stuck  in  a  state  that,  truly,  scared  her.  it’s  been  a  while  since  it  was  last  this  bad  ...  she  had  been  in  new  york  at  the  time,  and  she  hadn’t  had  mickey  then.  but  she  had  had  jack  :  he  spent  hours  on  the  phone  just  talking  while  she  listened,  while  she  tried  to  calm  her  racing  heart  and  remind  herself  to  breathe.  it  had  lasted  six  days  then.  six  days  of  sleep  deprivation  and  semi-starvation  and  working  double  shifts  just  to  keep  herself  busy.

                  this  was  worse.  she  knew  it  was.  she  had  felt  it  before  it  had  even  begun.  it’s  why  she  had  started  to  pull  away  early,  distance  herself.  subconscious  preparation  for  what  would  surely  be  an  awful  state  of  being.  and  she  was  right.  unable  to  get  a  hold  of  mickey,  she  had  been  forced  to  call  donna  in  the  midst  of  triggered  panic  attack  at  st  thomas.  so  now  here  they  were  ...  because  martha  couldn’t  be  alone  right  now,  and  she  didn’t  think  donna  would  leave  her  even  if  she  could.

                 ❝     yeah.     ❞      she  said  quietly,  eyes  averted  to  her  hands  as  she  sat  in  the  corner  of  the  sofa  with  her  knees  drawn  up  to  her  chest.  she  scratched  at  the  pad  of  one  thumb  with  the  nail  of  the  other,  swallowing  tightly.  she  can’t  talk  about  it.  she  won’t.  she  couldn’t  even  on  a  normal  day.  she  moved  her  hands,  now  pushing  her  thumb  in  to  her  opposite  palm.  the  movement  slows  as  her  eyes  focus  in  on  a  faint  scar  that  curves  down  her  wrist.  fixating  for  a  moment,  martha  curled  her  fingers  in  to  both  her  palms,  forming  fists,  and  wrapped  her  arms  around  her  legs.  her  eyes  rose  to  donna,  and  she  simply  stared,  before  she  leaned  her  head  forward  and  rest  her  chin  in  the  space  between  her  knees,  saying  just  as  quietly,      ❝     thanks.     ❞

#. ❪ answered › ❛ if you need me‚ i’ll be in space. #. ❪ writing › ❛ i can and i will‚ watch me. #. ❪ sub default › ❛ i am good. #donnanxble. #trauma cw. #ptsd cw. #anxiety cw. #depression cw. #ed cw. #eating disorder cw. #... yikes. #anyway- #i know exactly what's going on here. #and when. #and it's playing out in my head. #and i'm so fucking sad ench.

[bespokd]

       @donnanxble​​.

     melody  had  known  for  weeks  that  something  was  wrong  with  her.  she  had  tried  to  deal  with  it  alone,  not  wanting  to  worry  her  parents,  but  when  she  started  to  lose  time  :  time,  of  all  things.  she  was  human,  yes.  but  she  was  also  timelord  and  she  felt  time  in  her  blood,  in  her  bones.  melody  had  felt  it  start  to  slip  away,  there  were  gaps  in  her  memory  that  she  could  never  quite  understand.  and  she  knew  that  she  had  been  acting  strange  recently,  and  it  had  only  been  a  matter  of  time  before  they  questioned  why.  protecting  them  from  whatever  was  happening  to  her  was  no  longer  melody’s  concern.  not  when  she  had  started  to  worry,  herself.  but  as  close  as  she  is  with  her  mother,  it  was  her  father  she  had  confided  in  first.  

      rory  williams  had  a  presence  that  soothed  and  comforted  melody.  maybe  it’s  because  he  was  a  nurse.  maybe  it’s  because  he  had  lived  for  centuries,  once.  maybe  it’s  because  he  was  her  father.  telling  him  the  truth  about  what  had  been  happening  to  her  over  the  past  few  weeks  had  prompted  her  to  start  gnawing  on  her  lower  lip  again,  worrying  it  between  her  teeth  in  a  way  she  hadn’t  since  she  was  young.  she  had  expected  reassurance,  understanding,  even.  but  not  like  this.

         the  silence,  they  had  called  them.  and  when  they  spoke,  melody  didn’t  miss  the  haunted  look  in  their  eyes,  the  tension  in  her  mother’s  body  and  her  father’s  clenched  fists.  whoever  the  silence  were,  they  were  bad  news.  that  was  obvious.  she  just  didn’t  realise  how  bad  they  were,  or  what  they  had  to  do  with  her.  there’s  a  saying  on  earth  :  the  truth  will  set  you  free.  melody  knew  the  truth  now,  but  freedom  was  not  what  she  felt.  anger,  fear,  betrayal  :  why  had  they  kept  this  from  her  ?  what  good  did  it  do  other  than  leave  her  ignorant  ?  the  silence  would  explain  what  was  happening  to  her,  to  the  time  she  was  missing,  but  how  could  she  protect  herself  against  something  she  couldn’t  remember  -  now,  or  then  ?

           the  scottish  in  her  reared  it’s  head  when  she  found  herself  raising  her  voice.  clearly  upset  and  no  less  angry  about  what  they  had  kept  from  her,  she  had  pulled  away  from  their  reach.  and  she  had  left.  against  their  wishes,  against  every  instinct  in  her  telling  melody  that  she  shouldn’t  be  alone  right  now,  she  had  run  from  her  home  and  she  didn’t  stop.  not  until  she  had  found  herself  standing  on  donna’s  doorstep,  out  of  breath.  time  had  passed  again,  but  she  couldn’t  say  for  sure  how  much.  at  least  now  she  knew  it  was  of  her  own  volition  :  and  not  the  manipulations  of  a  being  that  held  her  prisoner  in  her  youth.  she  banged  her  fist  on  donna’s  door.  and  she  didn’t  stop  even  when  she  felt  an  ache  in  her  wrist  and  her  nails  dug  in  to  her  palms  so  hard  she  could  have  drawn  blood.  when  the  door  opens  and  she  sees  donna,  melody  grit  her  teeth  and  glared.

                  ❝     did  you  know  ?     ❞          the  question  rushes  from  her  lips  on  a  heavy  exhale,  her  chest  tight  with  uncontrolled  emotion  but  rising  noticeably  as  she  tried  to  steady  her  breathing.  her  parents  had  lied  to  her,  the  doctor  had  lied  to  her  :  did  donna  lie  to  her  too  ?  water  wells  in  her  eyes  and  a  single  tear  slides  down  her  cheek,  but  she’s  not  crying.  she’s  angry.  there’s  a  significant  difference.          ❝     about  the  silence,  a-about  what  they  did  to  me  .  .  .  did  you  know  ?     ❞

#☾ ° — replies : i am everything you cannot control. #☾ ° — regen : melody pond. #donnanxble. #miss melody pond is a teensy bit unstable right now. #i reckon. #ANYWAY. #as always. #tis a long one. #don't feel obligated to match it. #even though i know you probably will. #🙃

[bespokd-bye]

@donnanxble​   sent   :   💆‍♀️   (   play  with  my  muse’s  hair   )

          sometimes,  it  can  all  get  to  be  a  bit  too  much.  too  much  energy,  too  much  noise,  too  much  time  . . .  the  universe  is  vast  :  it’s  full  of  so  much,  and  river  is  a  part  of  it.  more  than  anyone,  perhaps.  child  of  the  tardis,  created  in  the  vortex.  she  was  made  of  stardust.  every  now  and  then,  she  needs  a  still  moment.  to  close  her  eyes  and  just  breathe.  she  can’t  do  that  with  the  doctor,  not  the  young  version  she’s  been  seeing  of  late.  the  older  one,  the  one  she  married,  he  would  understand.  he  would  know  what  to  do  when  it  got  too  loud  for  river  to  concentrate.  and  it  doesn’t  happen  often  anymore,  but  when  it  did,  she  used  to  have  stormcage  to  hide  out  in.  before  she  was  pardoned.

       river  lies  on  her  back,  her  ankles  crossed  and  her  hands  neatly  folded  over  her  naval.  she  regulated  her  breathing,  slowing  her  hearts  rate  as  she  focused  on  her  other  senses.  if  she  concentrates,  really  concentrates,  she  can  feel  every  second  pass.     “  i  just  need  a  minute,  then  we  can  go.  “     she  needed  more  than  one,  actually.  but  she  would  make  do  with  what  reprieve  she’s  given.  

               feeling  donna  beside  her,  river  stayed  perfectly  still,  only  reacting  when  she  felt  the  other  woman’s  hand  in  her  hair.  briefly  tense,  river  opened  one  eye  to  look  at  donna.  surprisingly,  it  helps.  giving  her  something  else  to  focus  on  other  than  the  universe  and  all  it  holds.  eyes  drift  closed  once  more,  and  river  furrowed  her  brow  in  thought,  an  amused  smile  forming.     “  you’re  only  doing  this  because  you  wanted  to  touch  my  curls   . . .  “     unvoiced  laughter  in  her  tone.     “  admit  it.  you  wouldn’t  be  the  first.  “     everyone  wants  to  touch  river’s  hair.  she  expels  a  breath,  tension  draining.

#donnanxble. #* ✧ 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞‚ a cry for help : with a kiss . . . inbox. #* ✧ 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠‚ i’m a psychopath : i’m not rude . . . text. #* ✧ 𝐚𝐫𝐜‚ that’s not late : that’s dramatic . . . main. #idk idk idk. #but have it anyway.

[velvetipped-a]

𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚢,      @donnanxble​   ;     ☾  𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚍𝚒𝚎 ! 

“ i can’t sleep ‘cos my mind keeps racin’. “ 

#donnanxble #char / bridgette watson.

[whomuses]

@donnanxble​ from here

“It’s alright.” She clears her throat, straightening her blazer in a stiff movement. It’s meant to be a clear dismissal to the topic. As it was, it wasn’t supposed to be even said out loud, much less heard by her. The sentiment had escaped without warning, after she’d finished one too-familiar tangent seconds prior. Donna hadn’t been able to catch herself in time, and now the Doctor was looking at her with those same damned puppy eyes.

“New face, new personality, new quirks - I get it. It’s -” Making her feel cheated, that she never got to actually say anything to the man that dumped her on her mother’s doorstep and kicked her memory to the side. Making her feel guilty, because he’s still here, within all that makes up the Doctor, it’s still her best friend, and she knows exactly what it means to regenerate. So she doesn’t say that. Instead she shakes her head, the alien sample in hand ( the cause of this whole divergence ) back to being her sole focus. “It’s alright. Won’t do any good now.”

"It’s not.” her head ducked slightly, and she shook it slowly, shutting her eyes because it was easier than looking at Donna. Always a coward, no matter what body she wore, because she would run run run instead of facing these down. But Donna deserved more. Always had, always would, but that didn’t matter. Not here, not now. She was facing up to her crimes. And that included meeting Donna’s eyes so she lifted her head to do just that.

“I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I am ... truly sorry. I did what I thought was best, but - I should’ve done better by you. Always. You kept me grounded, you kept me ... good. You made me see how much good was in the world when I was close to losing it. You are - infinitely valuable.” she cleared her throat. “And not sappy, so... I’ll stop.” she laughed lightly.

#donnanxble #Me and my fam || 13th Doctor

[rosetemplenxble]

tag dump; part two.

[ mum; donnanxble ]

#[ mum; donnanxble ]

[redmcnd]

"you okay?"  @donnanxble​

cool  night  air  trailed  over  her  bare  arms,  raising  small  goose  bumps  wherever  it  touched.  fingers  splayed  out  against  the  stone  floor  beneath  her  as  she  leaned  back  to  get  a  better  look  at  the  blanket  of  stars  lighting  the  sky  above  her.  a  small  smile  slides  across  her  lips  at  the  question,  recognising  their  voice.  “  i  am  not  quite  sure  that  i  have  a  satisfying  answer  to  that  question.  ”  a  moment  passes  before  she  turns  to  watch  the  other  over  her  shoulder.  each  time  they  met,  she  never  seemed  to  change.  though  she  was  certain  donna  could  say  that  same  to  her.  she’d  stopped  questioning  how  it  was  possible  for  two  people  to  meet  one  another  so  many  times,  at  the  start  she  had  wondered  if  donna  was  an  immortal  being  also,  though  it  did  not  seem  likely.  now,  she  simply  anticipated  their  eventual  meetings.  “  what  brings  you  to  this  particular  rooftop  ?  are  you  here  to  wallow  and  ponder  about  the  path  of  your  life  like  i  am  ?  ”

#donnanxble #* modern / not a saint but do i have to be? #* ask memes / answered. #i've tagged this as modern simply bc im thinking it is after adelia's kingdom #has been buried #but im not 100% sure where abouts in time this is happening

[shewalked]

SHEWALKED     &     EDITS     :     20.        mutuals  can  reblog.

in  which  the  doctor  doesn’t  give  martha  a  heads  up  about  the  master’s  return  as  missy,  and  donna  has  to  deal  with  the  consequences  of  an  irate  doctor  jones.

#* ☤ — visage : only i get to decide who i am. #* ☤ — donnanxble : she was always meant for more. #* ☤ — martha & donna : from the moment they met. #donnanxble. #* ☤ — out : edit. #i will block anyone. #who reblogs this. #who isn't a mutual. #i'm serious. #anyway. #hello. #i've been gifing.

[milehighmechanic]

@donnanxble​ [ “if this is your idea of fun, i don’t know what to say to you.” ]

“Don’t tell me you’re gettin’ cold feet now!”

It’s just ever-so-slightly whiny, not at all helped by the way she puts her hands on her hips. Their TARDIS - actually theirs, fully grown and already showing to be just as independent as them - was just an arm’s length away, and Donna was itching to get in for their first test run together. They’d both set aside ample time in their schedules for this milestone, but apparently all it took was some weird readings, and he was backing out.

“Look, Mr. Health-and-Safety, sometimes a few off-kilter numbers don’t mean total chaos an’ destruction,” she waves her hands for emphasis, “and they actually mean that there’s somethin’ either very fun or very important callin’ our name. So!” Her hands are back on her hips, head tilting in challenge she grins. “C’mon then, let’s have some fun!”

Tony Stark has rarely in his life been described as ‘Mr Health and Safety’. ( That’s Happy’s job. ) It's one of the few behaviours that has changed since he became himself again. Reckless as Iron Man may be with his LIFE, with mechanics things are different. Quantum mechanics in particular. He knows the consequences too well.

“I think the Doctor was a bad influence on you,” he mutters, put out by her dismissal of his paranoia. ( HE’S never met the older time lord, but he knows the old stories well enough. And what Donna’s told him. )

Still. She has a point. Maybe. Probably. “Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk. I get it.” He shakes his head --- last time he did that, he nearly crashed and burned. But he didn't. He needs to trust his own engineering.

It’s just the first time he’s been off Earth since coming here. Tony doesn’t think flying a nuclear missile into the far reaches of Chitauri controlled space COUNTS. “Alright--- alright.” He flicks away holograms of error readings. “Where are we going?”

#donnanxble #thread: offworld trip #v: my planet is long gone #queued #//tony will Definitely be all 'i told you so' if/when something goes wrong

[doctordonovan-a]

shitty horoscopes part ii → accepting // from @donnanxble​

“what possessed you to come this far? no, honestly. was it cute?”

SHE SHARPLY LAUGHS,    amusement  catching  her  by  surprise   -    all  of  this,   the  past  few...   months?    weeks,    months,    time  meaningless  when  travelling  amongst  the  stars.   the  past  period  of  time  has  been  something  impossible  to  imagine,    beyond  her  wildest  dreams.    but  her  lips  turn  into  the  kind  of  smile  the  suns  in  the  sky  would  envy,    honey  sweet  sound  echoing  a  little  as  all  maeve  can  do  is  shake  her  head.    ❝  tall,     dazzling,    adorably  weird  girl  from  a  parallel  universe  with  a  scientifically  impossible  box  actually.  ❞

they’re  far  from  home,    two  humans  somehow  drawn  to  the  same  spot  of  the  alien  market,    green  gaze  curiously  regarding  the  redhead.    ❝  and  you?  ❞    the  petite  american  teases,     ❝  you’re  as  far  from  home  as  I  am.   what  got  into  you  to  take  you  so  far?  ❞

#donnanxble #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗗𝗢𝗖𝗧𝗢𝗥 𝗪𝗛𝗢: // the more bizarre / the less mysterious #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // when in doubt I assume feegle's chloe is to blame #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // I don't know what this is BUT I love it

[bespokd-bye]

                 she  goes  to  donna.  oh,  she  takes  her  time.  river  can’t  bring  herself  to  seek  comfort  in  a  friend  just  yet  :  she  needs  time  to  process,  to  grieve.  she  had  told  the  doctor  not  to  travel  alone,  but  she  had  not  heeded  her  own  advice.  river  couldn’t  return  to  luna  either.  distracting  herself  with  lectures  and  lessons  and  papers  and  essays  . . .  river  knew  it  wouldn’t  work  so  there  was  no  point  in  trying.  so  she  takes  jobs  here  and  there.  contracts  that  require  her  expertise  :  as  an  archeologist,  a  thief  or  a  killer  -  she  doesn’t  particularly  care  which.  when  it’s  too  much,  when  she  needs  something  :  or  rather,  someone  . . .  to  ground  her,  she  goes  to  donna.

              the  doctor  was  mourning  too,  and  seeking  out  a  younger  version  :  one  still  running  with  her  parents  . . .   the  thought  alone  makes  her  feel  ill.  so  she  couldn’t  confide  in  her  husband.  she  couldn’t  show  him  the  damage  even  after  he  made  a  point  of  requesting  she  do.  old  habits  die  hard.  

        when  she  finds  her,  she  can’t  even  bring  herself  to  try  and  pretend.  there  is  no  cheeky  smile  or  flirty  greeting.  river  simply  invites  herself  in  and  curls  up  in  the  corner  of  donna’s  sofa,  her  legs  drawn  up  to  her  chest,  her  arms  around  her  knees.  she  feels  absolutely  exhausted  -  river  hasn’t  been  sleeping  very  much  recently.  the  nightmares  have  come  back  in  full  force,  so  she  puts  it  off.  no  doubt,  donna  will  have  something  to  say  about  that  -  river  doubts  she’ll  listen.  

                 “  actually,  i’m  a  professor  now  -  “     she  had  automatically  corrected  donna  upon  arriving,  before  she’d  claimed  her  space  and  stared  at  the  nearest  solitary  object.  it’s  not  what  she  sees  though.  she  sees  time  and  space  and  stone.  she  sees  her  parents,  their  devotion.  she  sees  her  father  disappearing  and  her  mother’s  goodbye  -  for  the  doctor.  river  got  her  name,  and  an  order.  two,  actually.  one  was  inevitable,  the  other  . . .  well.  river’s  brow  furrowed  as  she  tilted  her  head.  she  didn’t  cry.  she  rarely  ever  did  these  days.

           time  seems  to  bleed,  and  she  looks  up  at  donna  with  a  touch  of  confusion  in  her  eyes  :  eyes  that  brew  a  storm  of  blue  and  grey  and  green  and  gold.  she  exhales  a  breath  she  didn’t  even  realise  she  had  been  holding,  her  body  full  of  tension,  before  she  explains.     “  my  parents  are  gone  . . .  a  couple  months  ago.  they  were  there  and  then  they  were  gone  and  -  i  know  i  could  still  see  them  again,  younger  versions.  and  i  won’t  say  anything,  because  i  can’t.  i  know  the  rules,  i’m  used  to  them  . . .  spoilers.  “     river  shrugged.  lying  is  second  nature  to  her.  but  it’s  not  always  as  easy  as  she  makes  it  seem.

                   she  is  inexplicably  sad.  she’s  felt  it  weighing  on  her  since  manhattan,  since  she  left  the  doctor  and  the  tardis  and  just  -  ran.  swallowing  the  lump  in  her  throat,  river  felt  her  frustrations  rise  as  she  moved  on  donna’s  sofa,  sitting  crosslegged  now  and  staring  at  donna  :  it’s  a  testament  to  how  comfortable  she  is  with  her  that  she  quietly  confesses.     “  it’s  like  they  want  me  to  be  perfect,  but  they  -  “     she  stops  mid-word,  gathering  her  thoughts  before  she  exhales  slowly  and  shrugs.     “  -  they  don’t  know  that  it  hurts.  “     

          river  is  overcome  then.  she  uncrosses  her  legs  and  stands  up,  beginning  to  pace  :  to  circle  the  room,  her  hands  wringing  anxiously  as  she  finally  releases  everything  she’s  held  back  -  even  from  the  doctor.     “  because  they  can’t  know.  sometimes  :  i  feel  like  . . .  “     she  struggles  with  her  words  before  river  gives  in,  and  admits.     “  i  feel  like  sometimes  they  resented  me  . . .  because  i’m  not  -  they  didn’t  get  melody.  they  didn’t  get  her,  they  got  me  and  either  i’m  too  much  or-or  i’m  not  enough  . . .  and  it  hurts.  “     unexpectedly,  river  feels  emotion  well  up  in  her  throat,  her  eyes  sting  but  any  tears  remain  unshed.

                   she  sinks  her  teeth  in  to  the  inside  of  her  cheek,  hearts  racing  with  grief  and  anger  and  sadness.  it  all  rises  to  the  surface  now  that  she’s  somewhere  safe  with  someone  she  trusts  who  she  doesn’t  feel  the  need  to  hide  the  damage  with.  river  turned  to  donna  then,  a  smile  forming  though  it  is  anything  but  joyous.     “  she  said  goodbye.  to  him,  the  doctor  -  she  said  goodbye  to  the  doctor  . . .  and  she  told  me  to  be  good.  “     her  lips  part  with  a  shuddered  breath  and  her  jaw  crooks  slightly,  before  she  lifts  her  shoulders  and  she  hates  how  shaky  her  voice  sounds.     “  but  i’m  not  good,  donna.  i’m  not  -  i  don’t  . . .   “

             her  head  hurts.  it’s  absolutely  piercing,  the  ringing  in  her  ears  and  the  ache  in  her  temples.  she  reaches  up  and  rubs  at  the  nape  of  her  neck  as  she  once  again  sinks  down  to  donna’s  sofa,  bent  slightly  over  and  grasping  at  the  fabric  of  her  jodhpurs  with  her  other  hand.     “  i  don’t  know  what’s  wrong  with  me.  “

send  ☾  for  a  randomly  generated  sentence, &  @donnanxble​,  sent.

#donnanxble. #* ✧ 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞‚ a cry for help : with a kiss . . . inbox. #* ✧ 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠‚ i’m a psychopath : i’m not rude . . . text. #* ✧ 𝐚𝐫𝐜‚ that’s not late : that’s dramatic . . . main. #bruh i am straight up not okay.